Disclaimer: Trogdor belongs to the dudes who make strongbad emails. nods


Mariano Investigations #2: Burnintating the Countryside…

Greenwood Cemetery, 1:25 AM

"I hate graveyards."

Jess rolled his eyes. "How many more times are you gonna tell me that?"

"As many times as it takes for you to get so annoyed that you take me home," Dave hissed.

"Why do we have to do this?" Dave whined. "I'm… I'm not even a watcher! I failed my Watcher's Academy entrance exam! I'm not qualified to do this!"

Jess stopped and turned to Dave. "Stop."

Dave closed his mouth.

"You took this job," Jess told him. "You wanted to be part of this. If you don't want that anymore, I'll just fire you, and then I won't have to listen to you complain like a four-year-old anymore."

Dave stayed quiet.

Jess sighed and turned, starting to walk again. "Come on."

Dave nodded and followed. "I guess it doesn't really matter that I failed my watcher's exam since… there really isn't a watcher's council anymore."

Jess nodded. "That could dampen a career in the field."

"I really wanna be a musician," Dave informed him.

Jess gave another nod. "I remember."

"I'm really no good at this."

"Sssshhh!" Jess shoved him behind a mausoleum and glanced around the corner.

"Jeez!" Dave hissed. "I almost pissed myself! Give me some warning next time!"

"Why are you being such a baby?" Jess hissed back. "Last week you were fine with the big, giant orange demon that exploded."

"He didn't suck blood," Dave snapped in a whisper. "These guys suck blood! Why are we hiding back here?"

"Because there's a group of vampires around the corner," Jess hissed back. "Now shut up, so I can hear what they're up to."

"What?" Dave cried. "Why aren't we just killing them?"

"Because it looks like they have a hostage," Jess muttered.

"What!"

"Will you shut up?" Jess snapped, turning to him. "Jesus Christ, Dave! We're trying to surprise them!"

A growl sounded from behind Jess.

Dave's eyes widened. "I… I think I just urinated all over myself."

Jess clenched his jaw and whirled around. He was face-to-face with a very large, very ugly vampire. "Well, shit."

The vampire pounced on him, and Dave screamed.

Jess grumbled under his breath and shoved the vampire off, and got to his feet. He pulled out his stake and lunged for the undead creature's heart, but was shoved back against the mausoleum they'd been hiding behind.

"Dave!" Jess growled. "Fight!"

"I can't!" Dave cried. "It's gonna kill me!"

The vampire knocked Jess over.

"If you don't help me, I'm gonna kill you!" Jess yelled, as he wrestled with the vampire.

Dave shook as he held up his stake, and plunged it into the vampire's back. "Did I get him!"

Jess groaned as he continued to fight to get free. "What does it look like, Rygalski!"

A zap of energy shot from behind Dave and hit the vampire. It proceeded to turn into a small, white rabbit.

Madeline grinned and waved as it ran off. "Bye-bye, Bunnicula."

Jess sighed and got up. "What're you doing here?"

"'Thanks for saving my life, Madeline,'" the dark-haired girl chided. "I'm here to help."

Jess nodded, and turned around to find five more vampires behind them. "Well, it's a good thing."

Dave whimpered.

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"Do you see any hostages?" Jess called, as he dusted the last vampire.

Madeline shook her head. "No one! Are you sure you saw someone?"

"Thought I did," Jess replied, walking over. "And Louise said she saw someone in her vision. They must've gotten away."

Madeline nodded, and glanced over at Dave's unconscious form. "We'd better go get him."

Jess nodded, and they lifted him up.

As they dragged Dave away from the graveyard, a small, scaly blue creature watched them. He blinked large, black eyes, and chased after making sure none of them saw him.

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Louise looked up from her magazine as Jess and Madeline stumbled through the door of the office, dragging Dave with them.

"Oh, my god!" Louise cried, getting to her feet. "What happened?"

"I fought!" Dave cried his voice cracking. "I did it. And I got my ass kicked!"

"You shoulda seen him," Madeline chimed in. "He was like a…"

"An idiot with a stake who almost got his head taken off by a vampire?" Dave supplied.

Madeline smiled. "Yeah!"

Jess sighed and dumped Dave onto the couch. "I gotta teach you some better fighting skills."

"I can run, is that a fighting skill?" Dave asked innocently.

Jess shook his head.

"Hey!" Louise cried.

The three others turned to look at her.

She held up a decimated tube of lipstick. "Something ate my Mary Kay!"

"Probably bugs," Dave commented. "We should really think about getting an exterminator for this place."

"Bugs!" Madeline squeaked, looking around frantically.

Jess sighed. "Okay, it's late, and we could all use some rest, so…"

Louise got up and sighed, packing up her things. "I'm calling an exterminator in the morning."

Jess nodded. "You okay to get home?"

She sighed and nodded. "I feel better."

"I don't," Dave said. "I'm gonna crash here."

Jess nodded. "I've got room downstairs."

Madeline sighed. "I'll help Louise get home."

The two girls headed for the door, and Dave waved from the couch.

Jess glanced down at his friend. "Can you stand?"

"Oh, yeah," Dave replied, attempting to get to his feet. "No proble-AH!"

Jess caught him before he fell over. "Huh. Guess not."

"Rub it in," Dave muttered.

"I'm good at that," Jess quipped as he helped Dave into his office.

"That was dirty," Dave commented.

"Now you sound like a Gilmore," Jess said, as he opened the door in the corner of the office, and began to assist Dave in getting down the stairwell.

"Speaking of," Dave mentioned, as they entered the basement. "Have you called Rory?"

Jess shook his head, as he dropped Dave onto the small couch. "No, why would I?"

"Because she saw you kick the ass out of a demon a week ago."

"So?"

"So, she might wanna know what's up."

"So?"

"So, maybe you owe it to her, after leaving without explanation so many times-"

"Talked to Lane lately, Dave?" Jess asked, crossing his arms with a glare.

"Hey!" Dave snapped, sitting up a little. "At least with Lane and me, it was one leave, one explanation."

"You lied," Jess said. "Straight out."

"It's better than leaving her wondering for so long," Dave pointed out.

Jess's jaw clenched and he shook his head. "I'm gonna go get your some sheets."

"You can be as evasive as you like," Dave called after him. "It doesn't change the fact that sooner or later you're going to have to tell her something."

"You want one blanket or two?"

Dave sighed. "One's good."

Jess nodded, and brought the supplies over. "How do you feel?"

"Sore, but okay," Dave replied, watching as Jess set the sheets down on a chair and sat next to him.

"Do you ever regret it?" he asked.

"Regret what?"

Jess sighed. "Lying…losing Lane?"

Dave nodded slowly. "Every day."

Jess nodded as well. "Yeah." He glanced down at his watch and sighed. "It's late. We should both get some sleep."

Dave sighed and grabbed the sheets from the chair. "'Night, Jess."

Jess got up and walked to his bedroom. "'Night."

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The Next Morning…

"Feeling better?" Jess asked, as they walked up the stairs.

Dave nodded, rubbing his knee a little. "Pretty much. Still a little sore."

Jess nodded, and opened up the door to his office, stopping short at the sight before him.

"Agh!" Dave cried as he bumped into him. "What's with the…" He looked over Jess's shoulder to see the office in shambles. Books were strewn all around, and the two chairs across from the desk had fallen over. Papers floated through the air, and it looked as if someone had relieved himself on the desk. "Wow."

Jess walked out of the doorway and looked around. "What the hell happened?" He glared. "And why do I smell demon?"

"Well…" Dave muttered. "I didn't shower last night…" He sniffed his arm and wrinkled his nose. "It might be me."

Jess picked up a thick knife from his desk and looked around. "Come on, beautiful…let's take a look at you…"

Dave slowly walked into the office, and automatically put a hand to his nose. "Oh, man! It shat on the desk!"

Jess shook his head and walked into the main office, just as Madeline walked.

"Morning, Boss! Guess who's…" She looked around at the mess around her. "Early…whoa...did you throw a party without me!"

Jess glared and looked around more. "Come on…where in hell is it…?"

"What is he looking for?" Madeline asked Dave as he walked into the main office.

"Whatever took a dump on his desk," Dave replied.

"Oh, ew!" Madeline cried. "Something pooped on your desk!"

"Who pooped on what?" Louise asked, as she walked into the office. She stopped as she looked around. "Wow…Did you guys throw a kegger last night after we left?"

"GOT IT!" Jess walked back over, struggling with a scaly, blue creature. It had a long snout and clawed hands.

"Aww…He's cute," Dave said.

Louise squinted. "That was the hostage from my vision!"

Jess squinted. "What?"

"That little…thing…he was the hostage in my vision!" Louise repeated.

"Well...it's a demon," Jess replied. "We kill demons."

"Don't hurt it!" Dave cried. "It's adorable!"

"It looks like that little blue dude from that Disney movie," Madeline said. She wrinkled her nose. "Except ugly."

Louise sighed. "That Disney thing was ugly, too."

"It was Lilo and Stitch," Dave told them. "And this guy isn't half as ugly as the cartoon."

"At least Stitch had fur," Madeline muttered.

Jess shook his head. "That's it. It dies."

"What!" Dave cried. "No!"

"It's a demon," Jess snapped. "Demons are evil."

"Not all demons," Dave argued. "Come on man, he's cute as hell. He's cuteness on a stick."

Jess stared blankly.

The demon reached into its own skin and pulled out a tube of mascara.

"Hey!" Louise cried. "That's mine!"

The demon grinned and shoved the entire thing into his mouth, swallowing it all a once.

"Okay," Louise growled. "Kill it."

"Hey!" Dave cried.

The demon then let out an incredible burp, along with a blaze of fire from its mouth. When it was through, it yawned, and smiled.

Dave stared in shock. "Holy Shit. It's Trogdor the Burninator."

Jess wrinkled his brow. "What?"

"Trogdor!" Dave cried. He began to sing. "Burninating the countryside. Burninating the peasants!"

"Dave!" Jess barked.

He stopped singing. "Sorry." He gave Jess a pleading look. "Please? Please don't kill him?"

"How do we know it's a he?" Madeline asked. "It could be a girl."

Louise cringed. "I am not looking down there."

Jess sighed and shook his head. "Do we have a cage?"

Madeline raised her hand. "I can get one."

Jess nodded. "Good. Do that, and then we'll clean this place up."

"I am not touching poo," Louise snapped.

Dave smile. "Don't worry Trogdor." He lifted the small demon from the edge of Jess's sword and held him in his arms. "We're gonna take good care of you."

Trogdor proceeded to slurp on Dave's shirt.

A Half hour later…

Trogdor was pulling on the bars of the dog crate Madeline had conjured and enchanted. She was now twirling the key to its lock as she flipped through a reference book.

"This should not be this hard," Dave muttered as he poured over book after book. "Why can't I find what in hell this thing is?"

Jess shook his head as he flipped through another text. "I'm not finding anything either."

"Maybe we really are meant to protect him," Louise suggested with distaste. "If we can't figure out what he is…maybe he's the last of his kind."

Jess sighed. "I don't want it here," he said. "I'm not cleaning up after a demon."

Trogdor proceeded to gnaw on the crate's bars.

"I can take care of him," Dave said. "He won't be any trouble at all…although I don't think I'll be able to leave him home alone…I'd have to bring him here."

"Fine," Jess snapped. "But I'm not cleaning up any more demon crap."

"And he better stay out of my make-up," Louise added quickly.

"And my magic supplies," Madeline added as well.

Dave smiled. "No problem. Just don't get rid of that cage."

Trogdor meowed.

That Night…

Jess sighed as he lay in bed. Getting Dave and Trogdor out of the office had been trying at best and Louise and Madeline had tried to get him to come clubbing with them, but it wasn't something he enjoyed for the most part. He preferred to just sleep.

He sat up when he heard the door to his bedroom open.

There stood a small, blonde woman with a wide smile on her face. "Hello, Darling Boy."

He glared and reached for a stake. "Who the hell are you?" He didn't know why he wasn't getting out of bed.

She pouted and walked lazily toward the bed. "You remember."

He shook his head and moved to get up, but she sat herself in his lap to stop him. He stared at her in utter confusion.

She kissed him passionately, and his eyes widened.

"My boy," she muttered against his lips. "My Angelus."

His eyes snapped open, and he was alone in his dark bedroom. He ran shaky hands through his hair and looked at the clock, which read three in the morning.

He groaned and covered his face with his pillow.