Moderation was important.
Sho needed to learn moderation and Mob was the one who was going to teach him. Nobody else could. Sho was her brother and it was her job to teach him about moderation. That didn't mean that she had to be mean about it, she could never be mean about it, she could be nice and she was nice. She was always nice. She was always nice but she was especially nice when she got like this, when she felt like this, and she would pass that niceness off to Sho.
Also she would pass him the joint, too.
"Two more and then you're done." Said Mob as she passed Sho the joint. This one was one that she had rolled. She would teach him later how to do this right so it didn't break and burnt evenly. Sho needed to know that, it was important knowledge to have, and it was her job to pass all of the important knowledge that she had down to him. Maybe he was too young to know but also…but also she wanted to be the one to teach him this stuff.
Not Shimazaki.
Not that she didn't like Shimazaki, because she did, but he had…different ideas about moderation than she did. She knew that Sho would have drawer privileges just like she did and she knew that Sho wasn't as good at moderation as she was…so many he would try and roll his own….but she could at least teach him to roll them thin and tight. Thin. That was the most important part…and not just because it was hard to keep them from falling apart and stuff when they were too thick. She didn't want Sho to pick this up as a habit.
He didn't need to.
He could control his powers all on his own…but he was sad a lot of the time. She knew how dad could be. She had finally taught dad, finally gotten it through his head, that he needed to stop hitting Sho. When dad hit him all he did was give Sho more stuff to have nightmares and stuff. Sho was the best little brother in the world, she didn't want any other little bother in the whole world, and she was going to make sure that he was ok. Dad hadn't hit him in a while, at least Sho hadn't said anything to her about any of that, but that didn't mean that Sho was ok. He still remembered what it was like for dad to hit him. He still remembered how he felt….and it woke him up in the night…and he didn't need…well he did need. He didn't need anything else to make him upset and he did need…he needed to do this. Because he had a lot of feelings…and this was good for making you feel better.
It made your feelings a lot quieter and easy to deal with….and they both needed that.
"Five." Said Sho as he took the joint from big sis's hand. He was fine. He was happy. He was great. He wanted a poptart. He wanted all of the poptarts….but he only got one as a reward…but he could get more after she fell asleep…or sooner. He didn't know. He might have been starving to death. Shimazaki laughed whenever Sho told him that he was starving to death…but that was what it felt like. He was so hungry that he could have eaten the grass that they were laying on. He could have eaten the grass and the bugs in the grass and the leaves from the trees and also he could have flown up into the sky and taken a bite out of the moon. People did say that it was made of cheese….and that could have been great. Just a big ball of cheese….hopefully something good like white cheddar…that was good cheese…he could really have used a slice of cheese…and a poptart…and a cheese poptart…wait, no, those were gross….were they? He didn't know. He was just hungry. He needed food. He needed to get up and get some food…
But later.
Not now. Later. If he went into the house then big sis would try and put him to bed. It was after nine, maybe, he didn't know. There was no sun and he didn't have his phone. It could have been midnight for all he knew. He didn't know how to tell moon time. Cheese time. Was the moon really made of cheese? Why would they lie about that? Why would someone tell such a lie? That was just a crazy lie like how people said that died soda tasted the same as normal soda…or that sugar free was the same as with sugar…or that cheap pencils were just as good as real artist's pencils…and stuff. He didn't know. The world was full of lies and stuff…but that was ok because he had big sis and she didn't lie to him…and she had food….and he wanted food…
But later.
"Three." Said Mob. She knew Sho. She knew that he had trouble, a lot of trouble, with moderation. Like tonight. He had managed to get another reward poptart from her. She knew that giving him sugar this late at night wasn't good for him but he needed his rewards or he wouldn't get in the tub and just…bathe. He smelled good now. He smelled good and he wasn't always scratching himself all the time so this was good. Even if he did get a reward soda and poptart after every bath no matter how long or how short…but this was still good. Him bathing, them getting along, even now things were….so good. Just him and her under the sky and on top of the grass….and the grass was so soft…and the sky was so big…and the air smelled so good…
It was so nice out.
She could feel the grass under her feet, her socks, and it was soft. This had to have been the softest grass in the whole, wide, world. She made a grass angel as Sho inhaled. Well that was one and he could have two more…though she wanted him to have one more…but not five. He didn't get to have five more. That would be too much. He would end up stoned, not high, and that would be just too much. He needed to take the edge off, not get stoned, because once you started to get stoned then…then you did it a lot more than you needed to. That was the thing, about this, once you stated you never wanted to stop but you had to take breaks because you had to live your life. You had a home to take care of and a little brother and a dad…and you couldn't just….be stoned all the time….
But being high some of the time was ok.
"Four." Said Sho. He didn't want to stop at two. He wanted to feel that thing where he couldn't think and the world was like….fast and slow…and shiny, too, like someone had shined everything up with polish or something…and stuff. The thing where is brain got all weird. The thing that had made him say something so stupid to Shimazaki…and he did not get like this with Shimazaki. He knew about moderation but only when he was with Shimazaki. There was too much that could go wrong. There were too many things that he could have said. There were too many things that he could have said to Shimazaki…again….
And he didn't know if Shimazaki would even…
He didn't want to think about that. About any of it. About how he felt, about what he wanted, and about how it was like every single day it got worse and worse. He wanted…he wanted what he had. He had a great life! Well he was hungry enough that he could have eaten grass….and he was getting pretty thirsty too….but he still had a great life. He got to spend every single day of his life with his best friend. They played all day. They played at throwing things at people, the played at exploring people, sometimes they played with dogs, sometimes they played fort, and sometimes…well they didn't always play. Sometimes Sho sat on the floor and drew pictures while Shimazaki got his tattoo done and colored…and his friend couldn't have been that good if Shimazaki had to keep on going back to get it worked on….
Sho didn't want to think about that.
Sho didn't want to think about Ono Kai, that was Shimazaki's friend's name not that Sho was ever going to use it, and about how Shimazaki had other friends….that was fine. Sho had other friends too. He was with one of his other friends right now….and sisters might have counted as friends….and anyway Sho didn't…well he did. He liked him and…and he didn't want to talk about this or think about this and thinking was like talking in your head…but what if when you thought in your head you spoke out loud…but psychically?
What if there was a telepath near?
Think about being hungry. Inhale again and think about being hungry. Think about poptarts with gooey marshmallow and chocolate. Think about cheese, the melty kind, on top of a poptart…yuck. On second thought don't think about that. Think about something else. Think about your sister reaching for the joint. Think about how…um…how she keeps on rubbing her feet against the grass like she's mad at it. Like she's trying to wake the worms up or something….
He started laughing.
"What's funny?" asked Mob. She smiled…and now she was going to laugh too…and she had no idea what she was laughing at. That wasn't good. You should always know what you're laughing at. That was because she could have laughed at something mean, like maybe Sho was remembering something he had done to Hatori, and that was not something that she wanted to laugh at…nope. She would smile, though, because smiling was ok so long as your little brother was happy. What else could she ever have wanted besides her little brother's happiness?
Maybe something to drink…
And also maybe to find some way to take the grass, pick it up like a carpet, and bring it inside. Then she could sleep on top of it. She could sleep on this soft grass every single night…and it would be so great…but then there might be bugs in it…and she would have to learn to live in peace with the bugs but there could have been a lot of them and no way was she making breakfast lunch and dinner for a few hundred bugs….and now she was smiling even more…even bigger…and now she was…she was…
She started laughing.
"What are you laughing at?" asked Sho. There was no way that she was laughing at the same thing that he was. There was no way that she was a telepath. She would have said something. She would have told him not to have so many mean thoughts about people or so many cheating thoughts…and he had a lot of cheating thoughts…there was no way that she would have just let him go on thinking the thoughts that he had been thinking if she could hear his thoughts…so she must have been laughing about something else. Something other than her waking up a whole city of worms…and they had little worm houses and little worm beds and they smoked little worm things and….
And he kept on laughing.
"I asked you first." Said Mob. She hoped that he wasn't laughing about something mean that he had done to someone…though she doubted that he was laughing at making tiny dinners for bugs….because he never made dinner. He mostly ate poptarts…he loved them. He loved them and he was so happy when he had some poptarts to eat…and maybe she would let him have another one before bed just to make him happy. Yes. He would like that…and he would be brushing his teeth soon so…so maybe that would help? She didn't know. She just wanted to make him happy.
"You did. Ok, I was just thinking that…you know how you keep on kicking the ground." Asked Sho before he inhaled again. That was three…but he could get another one maybe if she was distracted…or two. It depended on how distracted she was…and she seemed really distracted by kicking her feet against the ground…and stuff.
"I'm feeling it. Wouldn't it be great if we could bring this inside? I was just thinking that it would be great if we could roll this grass up like a carpet and then bring it into the house and then we could sleep on it and it would be really soft…and stuff. I don't know. I like soft things." Said Mob through her laughs. She would have to make so many tiny bug meals if that had been possible…and she had enough big people meals to make as it was. Did they have milk? She would have milk tomorrow for breakfast…and she would have milk when she went inside…some strawberry milk before bed…and Sho could have another soda, too, because he had been really good about not wetting the bed lately…and also he would want a soda if he saw her drinking milk…and also she wanted him to be happy. Like now. He was so happy and she wanted him to be this happy for as long as he would live.
But she still had to teach him about moderation…and stuff.
And she would, she really would, tomorrow night. Not tonight. Tonight they were going to be having fun. They hadn't set out to have fun tonight, he had just been looking between her mattress and box spring, and now they were here. They hadn't had bad days or good days, they'd just had days. Sho'd spent the day with Shimazaki and she had spent the day with Minegishi…and aside from looking where she shouldn't have been it had been a good day, and now they were just…here….
And she still had to teach him about moderation…and she would…and she was…sort of.
"But then that would bother the worms….that's what I'm laughing about. The worms. They have little worm cities and houses and they smoke and…and stuff. They do people things down there under the ground." Said Sho. He laughed and inhaled again. Big sis reached over for the joint. She just reached for it…and he didn't want to give it up….but she was happy. She was happy and…and he was happy when she was happy. She deserved to be happy. She was his big sis…
He loved her.
He was a big brother, he knew how hard it was to be big, and she needed to be happy. He loved her and…and he loved little sis…but he doesn't want to think about little sis now. He doesn't want to think about how she's so close and so far…how there's a bullet train that went right to Seasoning City…how he could have gotten up and…and walked to the train…and seen her. He could have done that…and that would have been easy….but then…then big sis would be all alone…and also…also people didn't know that he knew where she was….and also…also he couldn't just leave his big sis all alone…
He passed it back to her.
"But they don't have mouths? How can they smoke if they don't have mouths?" asked Mob before she inhaled. She coughed as she exhaled. It was hard to do this laying on her back…but she liked laying down on her back. Even though there were ashes on her sweater now…and also even though her eyes hurt a little from the smoke. There was so much of it…and it just flew away….right off into the sky…into the darkness…just…up there. It just…went up there…and that was just….what was happening….right now…
It could fly away.
She could fly away, too, she could have. It would have been easy. She could have picked herself up with her powers and just…flown away. She could have gone…anywhere. She could have just gone anywhere and done anything and…and there was no way that she was going to leave Sho. Ever. Sho needed her. She needed to give him his after bath reward poptarts and she needed to put him to bed and she needed to make his breakfast and give him homeschool stuff to do and she needed to….she needed to be there for him. He needed her and she needed him. She needed him and he needed her and they needed each other and…and she could and would never leave him.
She could not fly away…ever.
"They do, we just can't see them. They eat the dirt and spit it out." Said Sho. Big sis laughed and couched…and he reached over but she didn't pass him it back. She just rolled back and forth in the grass and lap. The worms were definitely awake now…and dad was awake…but dad…he didn't care. Not about Sho. Dad didn't care about him and that was…fine. That was who he was. He had big sis and he had Shimazaki and he had…well he'd had Fukuda but he was a traitor…and Sho…he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about how Fukuda had betrayed him. He didn't want to think about how he had just…betrayed him to dad….and stuff. He just…he had just…Sho shook his head. He didn't even want to think about thinking about it…so he reached over…
And she didn't pass it back.
"That's gross…but at least now I know how they're good for the dirt…but that's gross. Even I'm not hungry enough to eat dirt." Said Mob. She wanted…she was hungry. She was hungry and thirsty. She wanted…she wanted one of Sho's poptarts…and milk. She wanted one of Sho's poptarts and some milk and…and that would have been good…and she wanted…she wanted to keep on smoking…but she stopped.
She had to use moderation.
She took the joint from her mouth and held it at her side. Sho was reaching for the joint which mean that he wanted some…and that meant that she couldn't give him any. He'd had a lot already and now he needed….he needed…they both needed moderation. Him and her. So she kept the joint at her side and…and maybe she shouldn't have let him have another soda and poptart….but he needed to eat to live and she wasn't going to just deny him food. That was cruel and she was never, ever, ever going to be cruel towards him. Mean towards him. She may have been dad's daughter, she may have been Suzuki Shigeko, but she was also Mob and Mob was never, ever, ever going to be mean to Sho. Sho…he was a good person….a good little brother…and she could never be mean to him….
And she had to teach him moderation.
"Well I'm hungry enough to eat dirt. Seriously, I'm starving here." Said Sho as he reached for it again…and she pulled it away. She sat up and put it in the hand farthest from him. He sat up too and reached…but she still kept it away from him. She'd said three more…and she'd let him have three more…but maybe he could get three more out of her….or even three times three more.
"Let's go inside. We can have poptarts and you can have another soda, too, if you want." Said Mob. With the way Sho was smiling she would have thought that it was his birthday. Good. He needed to smile more. She loved it when he smiled…when he was happy…and she was so…so happy for him…even if he did keep on reaching for her joint she still loved him and she was still so happy to be near him while he was this happy…and stuff…and that she could have made him this happy.
"Hell yeah! Let me have another turn with that and then we can go inside." Said Sho. He reached for it again and she just pulled away again. He needed to maybe just take what he got, extra soda and poptarts was pretty awesome and stuff, but he also wanted to smoke more…and she had been saying yes a lot…and stuff.
"No, I said three more and you had three more…so there you go. Now come on, let's go inside." Said Mob. She wanted Sho to be happy but also…also she just wanted him to know about moderation. She didn't want him to end up smoking all the time. She didn't want him to smoke all the time…and stuff…but sometimes…sometimes things were ok. This was ok because they had been using moderation…and now they were going to use more moderation….and they were going to inside…even though the ground was so soft and Sho was so happy….
And if Sho was happy then she was happy too.
"Come on, big sis? Three more? Please? If you let me have three more I'll take a bath tomorrow without you reminding me." Said Sho. He knew when his bath time was but he always pretended that he forgot and then she had to remind him…and stuff. Well if she let him have more then…then he could go in on his own…and stuff. Yeah. He could do that because he wasn't a baby…anymore…and also he could take a bath and…and now he was thinking about stuff…and when he thought about stuff he wanted to smoke….and she had the thing right there….and he was right there too…and three wasn't that much.
"Two and a quarter of one." said Mob. There. That was moderation, the quarter, and she was still teaching him moderation…even though he was taking the joint from her hand right now. She let him. She loved him and she wanted him to know about moderation…but also she wanted nothing more than to make him happy.
"Deal." Said Sho. He took it from her and went one, twice, and then three times even though she had only said two and a quarter. Well a quarter was hard to measure so he just…smoked again. A whole one…and that was…good…and he just…he passed it back. Ok, now he was ready for poptarts and soda. All of the poptarts and soda….in the house…the house and the world.
"Alright, now come on. You're squinting and when you squint then you're stoned and if you've stoned then you've had too much…now come on. Let's have snacks before we get to bed…but be quiet so you don't wake up dad. He said that I could smoke if I used moderation but he didn't say anything about you…and also we didn't use moderation. Now come on, little brother." Said Mob. She loved Sho, she really did, and she wanted to make him happy but also…also she had to teach him moderation. She had to teach him because she was older than him and she had to take care of him. She had to make sure that he was fed and happy and….and she could do that. She wanted that. She wanted him to be taken care of…
And she wanted him to be happy.
And he was happiest when they weren't practicing moderation. He was happiest when they smoked too much. He was happiest when she let him have all the soda and snacks that he wanted. He was happiest when she let him play all day. He was happiest when she let him go days and days and days without bathing. She wanted him to be happy but also….also she wanted him to be…to know how to…to do what needed to be done. He needed to learn how to be happy, how to have fun, but also…also one day she wouldn't be there. One day he would be an adult and he would need to know how to bathe every single day, how to eat healthy, and how to smoke with moderation.
Because moderation was important….and so was his happiness.