Mob always smoked outside.
If she smoked inside then dad would have noticed and he would have said something. He never told her to stop, no, he always just asked her if she had to smoke. She didn't HAVE to. It wasn't like she would die if she stopped smoking. She just liked to smoke. It made her feel better. It cleared her head and made her powers listen. Well not listen, not do whatever she said whenever she said it, she just got them to stop acting stop. They stopped picking things up and moving them without her input. They stopped breaking things, shattering glass and flipping plates over, and also she stopped making the electricity get all weird….
Like it had at dinner.
She couldn't help it. She had a lot on her mind. First of all Sho was gone. She knew where he was, next door, but he was sleeping over at Shimazaki's house again. They were having another sleepover it seemed. She had gone over that day to see if he was planning on coming home and he had been asleep. Shimazaki said that they had messed up their sleep schedules….which wasn't a good thing. This was something else that she would have to fix. She would have to keep him up all day and then make sure that he slept through the night….and she knew that she should have been doing that tonight…
But she didn't want to.
She wanted him to be happy…and also she had a lot of stuff on her mind. She worried about him but she knew that she should not have had so much on her mind when she had to take care of him. Her mind should only have been on her little brother. She knew that she had to only think about him. How to get him to take a bath, because this was his second night skipping a bath and she knew that it would only get harder to get him in the tub, and also she knew that he hadn't had anything but junk food to eat in a while….and getting him to eat vegetables would only get harder and harder as time went by. She knew, also, that he had to change clothes and she knew that once he got comfortable wearing something it would be hard to get him to change…especially since he had been wearing the green Zootopia shirt….
Sho deserved better than what she could be right now.
She was worried about her own stuff and in worrying about her own stuff she was being a downright terrible big sister to her own little brother. She needed to do so much for him but every single time her mind got close to the long to do list that was her little brother it ran right back to well…other thoughts. Thoughts about how…how she had never gone on a date before…and how Minori might have known better about this than Minegishi…and about how she had no idea which friend to listen to…and about how she had no idea what she even wanted.
She really didn't.
So she smoked. Her mind got clearer the more her lungs got all full of smoke. Her mind got clearer and her powers listened…and they had not been listening around dinner time. She had tried to use her powers like she always did while she cooked and she ended up shattering a bowl and dropping a plate and also she set the microwave to three minutes instead of thirty seconds and burnt dad's cheese bread, she ended up eating that one, and also…also she had accidentally given him ketchup instead of cocktail sauce…and he should have said something! He should have said something instead of being all 'is there a reason that you've given me cocktail sauce?' like he was mad at her….or not….or just…he should have said something instead of eating half a glass of cocktail sauce and then telling her that this was really weird and that she should stick to what she knew…really! Just…she loved her dad, she really did, but sometimes he could be so…so….
Well she should have been more careful. She had reached for the ketchup, gotten the cocktail sauce, and then poured it in a glass without noticing.
At some point she should have realized that she had made a mistake. She had almost ruined his dinner. Dad worked really hard and he had said, a million and one times before, that coming home to sharing a meal with her was the highlight of his day. She had almost taken that highlighter and gone over it in Sharpie….and that had not been good. She should have done this earlier…but she couldn't. Minegishi said that she was smoking too much and that it wasn't moderation is she was doing a little smoking but on and off throughout the whole day. Also they were worried because she couldn't add two columns of two digit numbers in her head. She wasn't worried about that. She had a calculator for that and she had never been good at math in the first place.
She hadn't gotten that from dad.
While she was outside in the backyard smoking he was inside teaching Hatori how to do math…at least dad had said that it was math. It had numbers and letters in it together and also shapes…a lot of shapes….and there were times in there too and division and she wasn't that good at that. She knew, from her homeschool book, how to do her times tables to six and Sho could do until five but dad and Hatori had been timesing letters and numbers together…and that was why she was outside smoking. Because she didn't want to bother them and also because….well….because….
Hatori was in her house.
Today he had on his blue sweater with the birds on it. Underneath she could see a dark red shirt. That was either his Atari shirt or his red Mario shirt…or maybe it was that other red shirt that he wore sometimes with the old energy drink logo. The one that was faded and too big on him that he slept in sometimes. The one with the holes in the collar because sometimes he chewed on his clothes. Maybe because he was surrounded by people all the time and he wanted to eat them…not that Mob minded. He was surrounded by people and he thought about eating them. She was surrounded by people, well boys, and she wanted to kiss them…so they were even as far as weird thoughts went. She couldn't fault him for probably wanting to eat her and she hoped that he didn't fault her for wanting him to kiss her…
Not that he knew about that.
Not that he knew that she wanted nothing more for him to lay down next to her on the grass, cup her cheek like in that movie she liked and Minegishi didn't, and then kiss her. He would kiss her and then tell her that he loved her and then they would be boyfriend and girlfriend and they would be happy together for the rest of their lives…and she needed to stop thinking about this before the weird feelings came back. No, nothing good would come of having weird feelings right now. Not when dad was home…and Hatori was in her house. Dad was allergic to knocking on doors and Hatori…well if Hatori ever found out how she thought about him…and what those thoughts made her do…then she would have had no choice but to dig a hole and then live in it for the rest of her life. Hatori could never know that she liked….that she might have liked him.
She had no idea if she liked him.
She liked the way he looked, she liked the way he was nice to her, she liked the way he got along with dad and Sho, and she liked the way he never said or did mean things to people. Well, ok, he could get weird when he drank but…but then he could just never drink. She didn't want to have to babysit him whenever they had a party, and there was going to be another once because dad decided that the first one had been a success so now she had to plan a second one, and she knew that people liked to drink…she liked to drink….and she also knew that some people, mostly Hatori, could not drink. She didn't want to have to keep him from doing weird or gross stuff for the rest of his life just because he didn't get along with drinking….
She already had Sho to worry about…and dad….and she didn't need to worry about him too.
She wanted…well if anyone ever wanted to marry her she wanted to be married to someone who could help her out at least a little bit. She knew that she was a girl and that as a girl her job was to take care of her family. First her dad and brother and then her husband and whatever kids she had. Dad had told her that and she had to do what dad wanted…..even though she hoped that when she got a husband he at least knew how to pour his own glass of ketchup…or fry his own eggs….or iron his own shirts….or remember his own Netflix password…and at least she knew Hatori would always know their Netflix password…but she didn't know what else he would be able to do for himself. She didn't know if he would be able to wash his own clothes, he sometimes forgot to add the detergent and fabric softener….and also sometimes he let his clothes sit in the machine for hours and hours, or if he would be able to wash his own dishes, he mostly just rinsed his stuff off until the food was gone instead of rising and then putting his stuff in the dishwasher, and she also knew for a fact that he couldn't fry an egg without filling the house with smoke…because he always forgot the butter. Nonstick did not mean never use butter…and also nonstick did not mean walk away from your eggs while you were frying them…
And also she wasn't sure if she could handle being married to Hatori.
And he would probably want to get married after they went on a few dates. Three to six, maybe, from what she had seen and heard. Mom and dad had only gone out a couple of times before they had decided to get married. She knew that Minori said that she should have just practiced with Hatori but that seemed….mean. Minegishi said that the kind of relationship that they had with Shimazaki, the kind that was mostly kissing and bed stuff, wasn't for everyone and that unless you knew that you could handle that sort of thing one hundred percent you should not have even thought about starting it. That wasn't something that Mob thought that she could handle…and also Hatori had never had a girlfriend before…and she suspected that he liked both girls and boys but dad just thought that he only liked girls because dad had a lot of trouble understanding that people could be different like that. He had been born back when boys were boys, girls were girls, and also boys married girls and that was what happened. Also she suspected that girls didn't wear pants, either, when he had been born because she knew that back in the olden days girls weren't allowed to wear pants….not that she saw a reason why anyone would want to wear pants….but having the option was nice in case she ever felt like it….and she had the option because she had been born eleven years ago. Dad had been born in a whole different world and he was always trying to understand things that he didn't need to understand. He just needed to let people be who they wanted to be and not try and make them into something that needed to be understood. Like how Mob didn't really get the whole liking other girls thing but some people liked other girls and some people liked both boys and girls. She knew that Shimazaki did, that was called being bi, and Minegishi did too but they were pan which was different from bi….and Sho definitely liked both boys and girls even if he didn't admit it…and Hatori probably liked both too. His wallpapers were always girls in cute clothes and he never talked about liking any boys…even though he could have easily gotten a boyfriend since he was so….Hatori….so he must have liked both…
And also he was going to ask her out.
She was going to say 'yes'. She was going to say that she would go and she had decided this a while ago but she also…she had no idea what she was being so weird for. Why she was so….mixed up inside. She knew that she sometimes thought about things too hard…at least Minegishi had told her that a bunch of times, but maybe…maybe this was the sort of thing that she had to think about. Hatori might have…liked her. No boy had ever liked her before…well that one boy she had kissed when she had been nine but he hadn't known her and she hadn't known him very well….and also that time in the first grade when she got those White Day chocolates and she got kissed on the cheek…but that had been all the way when she had been seven. She was eleven now. She was eleven and someone…a lot older…might have liked her….and…..and that was….
Older people did older people things.
Things that she sometimes thought about. Not all of the things, just some of the things, and the things that she thought about and would want to do only in her head….well he would want to do in life. She knew what adults did and she also knew that she was not an adult yet and…and she knew that he would want to maybe do more than kiss…and she had never done more than kiss and also….also she didn't really want to do more than kiss…because kissing was enough…and even thinking about it made her feel all good and gross at the same time…and she didn't want to feel this gross feeling…and she knew that she shouldn't have….because Minegishi said that the way she felt was normal….
Sometimes normal things could be gross.
Like Sho eating his boogers, or dad drinking ketchup when he thought that she wasn't looking, or like how sometimes she accidentally used Sho's toothbrush when she was really tired. Sometimes things could be normal and gross at the same time….and she still felt gross. Well not as much but she still wore her sweater a lot…even though it was very hot out even at night…and even though because she was smoking and laying down she was getting ashes all over it…and also it would take on the smoke smell…she didn't want to take it off.
It was very soft. It was soft. It was soft and so were her socks and the grass underneath her body and…and she didn't just wear this because it was soft. She still looked like a kid, she knew that she did, but she looked like more of a kid when she wore this sweater. She knew that she didn't have anything, not really, but she just felt better with this sweater on. She knew that she looked like a blue blob, Minori had told her that a few times before, but at least with the sweater on she looked like a blue blob that didn't have any breasts for anyone to stare at. Not that she was anything to write home about…..and that was worse somehow. That someone could notice and then make fun of her….someone who she had known for as long as she could remember…..how someone who she had known since she had been a baby could have said that about her….well she didn't know if Fukuda was saying things like that about her but she knew that he was thinking things like that about her. He thought that she did stuff….bed stuff…adult stuff….the stuff that you did to make a baby….with Shimazaki of all people….and also he thought mean things about Minegishi's breasts and Mob had really little ones too….and she wished that he had just kept his mean thoughts in his head where they belonged! Because maybe if he had then she wouldn't have had to wear a sweater outside in AUGUST!
She smoked some more.
It was almost down to a roach. She had some more between her mattress and her box spring…and getting more would have meant going inside….and if she went inside then she would have had to hear dad and Hatori doing math…but if she stayed out here then she would be way too hot and also her brain would get back to normal and then she would go back to being nervous…though being nervous and messing up with her powers was better than thinking about Fukuda and what he had said and what he was probably thinking and also-
Also now she swore that she could feel him.
She closed her eyes. It was dark out but now it was black. Well black aside from the colors and lights and patterns that she saw when she closed her eyes. She didn't know how to describe it. Shimazaki had asked her, once, to tell him what she saw when she closed her eyes. She hadn't been able to in any meaningful way. She had never thought about it before…and also it was colors and lights and she had no idea how she was supposed to describe colors and lights to someone who didn't know what colors and lights were…and she wondered if Shimazaki would teleport over because she thought of him. She wondered, maybe, if he could sense when people were talking about him and thinking about him…because that would have made a lot of sense….and she wanted him to teleport over….and not just because he was always up to share with her….and also he might have brought Sho back if she asked hard enough….no. She wanted him to teleport over because she would rather have summoned him than Fukuda.
She could feel Fukuda.
Her passive aural range was big, so was dad's that was who she got it from, and Fukuda was always at the edges of her range. He lived farther away from them than the others. This was a Claw neighborhood so there were espers on all sides but she was keyed into Fukuda, it felt like, because she had known him for so long…and she wished that she hadn't been. She wished that he had just been another aura in the glob of auras that surrounded her…and also she wished that he would have just…not been walking towards her house. She had no idea what he would have been doing…unless someone got hurt….but dad's aura got mad when he hurt someone and Hatori's aura got scared when he got hurt…and she was fine…and Sho felt like he was asleep….so she had no idea what he was doing coming to her house….
Maybe he was coming to the math party.
Maybe he was on his way to join the math party. Maybe he would help dad and Hatori with…whatever they were working on in there. Maybe that was it. Dad had said, before, that he and Fukuda had been friends when they had been kids…and were still friends now…even if they didn't act like it. They acted more like people who worked together than people who grew up together…but then again he treated her more like someone he worked with than someone who he had held as a baby….and maybe that was just who he was as a person. Maybe he was just the sort of person, kind of like dad, who just could not be nice to people and…and even dad could be nice to people. He had been nice to mom, he was nice to her, and he was even nice to Hatori too. Dad could be nice and stuff but why…why couldn't Fukuda? It took more effort to be mean than to be nice….
And it took more effort to come into the house through the back than the front.
She kept her eyes closed and put the roach out on the grass. Maybe if she kept her eyes closed and kept on laying on the ground then he would think that she was sleeping, ignore her, and then go inside and join dad and Hatori in their math party. Then they all could have stayed up all night having a math party and she could have gone on to sleep outside because she did not want to sleep under the same roof as Fukuda. She knew that there were mosquitos and other bugs as well as the bad people Shimazaki had warned her about, the ones that kidnapped little girls and sold them for bad things, and also she knew that even in the summertime she could catch a cold sleeping outside….but she just…
She didn't want to sleep under the same roof as Fukuda.
"Sho! What do you think you're-oh." Said Fukuda. She felt him. He got very close and then he came to a stop…and he stayed there. He stayed there and she knew that he was looking at her. Even though she had her eyes closed she knew that she was being looked at. She wanted….she could feel her dress. It had gone up above her knees…and she was wearing normal socks, not high socks, and also…also she knew that her sweater….well she was laying down so her sweater was being pulled down by gravity…and if her sweater was being pulled down by gravity then that meant that he could tell that she sort of had breasts….and he was probably thinking the same sort of mean stuff about her that he thought about Minegishi since they had sort of small breasts too….and stuff….
And she sat up.
She stood up. He was still staring at her. She stared at him for a moment. She thought, maybe, that she should have bowed or something. You were supposed to bow….right? That was what you were supposed to do when greeting someone politely….and that was overly polite…but he was always overly polite with her….and she had no idea why. He always called her Miss Suzuki even though he had known her for her whole life….not that he was calling her Miss Suzuki now….not that he was calling her much of anything now. Now he was just….looking at her…and she wondered if maybe he was the one who should have bowed…since she did outrank him and he seemed to like to pretend that they were at work….but he didn't bow…he just looked at her…
And she wished that she had worn a bigger sweater…or two sweaters….or maybe a rain poncho…or better yet a trash bag….
"Hi Fukuda." Said Mob. She could feel his eyes on her…and she didn't like it. She wanted to cross her arms over her breasts…and also go inside and put on higher socks since her legs were getting kind of fuzzy again…and also she just wished that she knew how to turn invisible…or something…because he just would not stop looking at her.
"Hello…" said Fukuda. Mob waited for him so say more. There were a lot of other words that he could have said. He could have asked her how her night was going, he could have told her that it was nice to see her, he could have told her how his day had gone, he could have asked her why she wasn't at that math party, and also he could have explained what he was doing in her yard in the middle of the night looking for Sho when he knew very well, she had written him a whole instruction manual for taking care of Sho, that his bedtime was nine o'clock at night every single night…and also he should have been able to sense that Sho wasn't there…but she was getting….she had no idea why she was so mad…or maybe she did…
He was still looking at her.
"Hi Fukuda…why are you in my yard?" asked Mob. She tried to make that come out as nicely as possible, and she thought that she had done a good job, even if he was still looking at her….and she wondered if she had something on her face…she wished that she had something on her face. She didn't know. He made her nervous. He made her so nervous that she dropped the roach…and that wasn't good at all because Shimazaki said to always save those…and she wondered if she would ever find it in the dark…and wondering that was better than wondering why Fukuda was just staring at her like that.
"Miss Suzuki….I'm sorry. I thought that I sensed your brother out here." Said Fukuda. He was still staring at her…and if she had been dad she could have said something like 'if you can't stop looking at me hen I'll blind you' but she wouldn't because that was just a mean thing that dad said…and also it was an empty threat...not that she would ever threaten him with that or anything….but she did want him to just….look somewhere else or something!
"He's sleeping over with Shimazaki right now…and it's past his bedtime anyway. So he's not here." Said Mob. She wondered what he wanted with Sho at this hour…and also what he thought Sho would have wanted with him….because he must have known that Sho was mad at him…right? It wasn't like Sho had made an effort to hide his feelings….
"He's….next door?" asked Fukuda. Mob nodded. Maybe he was just getting old and losing his hearing, she had heard that happened the older you got. Maybe he should have gone home and given himself a hearing test or something...something that didn't involve looking at her.
"Yes. Sleeping. Don't wake him…and he's still mad at you anyway…so maybe wait until he feels better….but at your own house. Unless you want to go inside and join the math party dad and Hatori are having." Said Mob. That had been mean, she knew that she had said something very mean, but she just….she wanted him to go back to his own house and leave her alone already. He was still looking at her…and she had no idea why. If her breasts weren't anything to write home about, if she wasn't anything to write home about, then why was he STILL LOOKING AT HER?
"Do you know when he'll be back? I have something that I would like to discuss with him." said Fukuda. Mob…well she wanted to tell him not to talk to him anymore because….because he had upset Sho. He had upset Sho and Sho was the best little brother in the world. He did not need people upsetting him…and especially not Fukuda. Fukuda…he still liked Sho. He had always acted like he liked him but then he went and told Sho's secrets…and Mob…well Fukuda treated her badly too but messing with Sho…well that was something that she just….that she had no idea if she could forgive.
Nobody messed with her little brother.
Fukuda could talk about her until his face turned blue, she didn't care, but talking about Sho crossed a line. Trust was something important. Trust was something that you did not break….and it was something that Fukuda had broken. Fukuda had taken Sho's trust and broken it and he hadn't been ok since then…and now he was so not ok that he had spent last night and now this one with Shimazaki….and Shimazaki didn't believe in moderation so Sho was probably smoking and drinking and maybe doing other things over there….and that was just something else that she had to worry about…and she already had enough to worry about…
But this was not about her, it was about Sho, and it was about how Fukuda…if he was going to go around telling secrets then maybe he should have gotten those secrets from someone besides her little brother.
"No, I don't know when he'll be back. I'll tell him that you want to talk to him, though, but he might not want to talk to you….he's still mad that you told his secrets to dad. He's still very mad." Said Mob. She wanted him to know that he had hurt Sho. He had hurt her little brother and he'd had no reason to. Sho had done nothing to him just like she had done nothing to him….and maybe he just couldn't keep things to himself. Maybe he just had to tell everyone about everything all the time for…some brain reason or something. She didn't know. She never knew when it came to Fukuda…why he said the things he said…
And why he wouldn't stop looking at her.
"He….alright. Thank you for passing the message along. I'll just leave you to your smoking then." Said Fukuda. Mob…well she was done smoking….but she could smoke some more…and maybe if he wanted to then she would with him. If dad had smoked with her, even if it was only once, then maybe he would want to smoke with her, too. Maybe if smoked with her then he could tell her, since he liked talking about things, about what had made him stop liking her….and stuff…
Not that she wanted to spend time with him or anything, she really didn't, but she did just want to get to the bottom of this and see how she could fix it.
"You can smoke with me too, if you want….I mean…if you want to…so then we can talk and…and maybe it would be easier for you to talk to me if you smoked with me….because people like to talk when they smoke….and you like to talk all the time…and stuff." Said Mob. She knew that she hadn't made much sense but that had been hard to say. She didn't want to smoke with her. She would rather have been smoking with anyone else, even Sho and he spent the whole time asking for poptarts and soda, but if it made things better between her and Fukuda…or just made her understand him better….then it would be worth it.
"I…am going to have to respectfully decline your offer, Miss Suzuki…but if you want to talk to me about something then I can talk to you now or at a later time." Said Fukuda. He was talking to her like one of the Division Heads or the Scars or something would have talked to dad….and she knew that she outranked him….but she was not…she did not want to be called Miss Suzuki. She was Mob…or Shigeko….or Shige…and she even used to be Little Lady to him…but now she wasn't so little anymore…and she just…part of her wanted to be…
He had never looked at her or said mean things to her when she had been little.
"Mob. Please call me Mob or Shigeko or…or Shige even…and you don't have to be polite. It's me….you know me…and…and I do want to talk to you but like normal…like how you used to talk to me. Before you stopped liking me." Said Mob. She just wanted things to be better…no. She just wanted to understand. She didn't even care about things being better anymore. She just wanted to understand what it was that had made him stop liking her…it must have been something. People didn't just wake up in the morning and decide out of nowhere that they were just going to start to dislike other people…and if they were then….then if that was a thing that happened then….then maybe Fukuda should have said something to her by now.
"I don't dislike you." Said Fukuda. Mob…did not like lies. She didn't like lies and she didn't like being lied to but…but maybe he didn't know that he was lying. Yeah. Like when Sho told her that he already washed his hands and then when she asked when he said the day before yesterday so….so he wasn't lying in that instance but maybe Fukuda was just….stretching the truth….
He was stretching the truth pretty far it seemed.
"Yes you do. You talk to me like we're at work, you say stuff about me, and you look at me too….and please stop looking at me." Said Mob. She crossed her arms even tighter around her chest. This was a conversation that they should have been having while smoking. That way maybe she would have felt better and maybe he would have found something else to look at….and also he would have felt like telling the truth…since he seemed to like to tell everyone what he thought about everything…the truth of it…then maybe he could have told her that truth about why he had stopped liking her.
"Where should I look then?" asked Fukuda. Mob…well she was the one in charge but…but what was she supposed to say? Not at my breasts like I feel like you are…or my legs…or my eyes because I don't like to look at your for too long either? No…that would have been mean and weird and stuff…and she did not want to be mean and weird and stuff….she just wanted…she just wanted things to be ok…and normal. She especially wanted things to be normal again.
"I-I don't know but…but not at me. It makes me feel gross when you look at me and…and I don't like it." Said Mob. There. That was a less mean version of what she had wanted to say. Now maybe they could talk and he could….he was still looking at her…well now her feet…or the ground in front of her…and she wished that she had been wearing a longer sweater and a longer dress, too. Just…maybe pants, too. Even though she hated pants. Snow pants…even though it was August. Just…more clothes. She wished that she had been wearing more clothes.
"That wasn't my intention." Said Fukuda. He had a tone there….and she didn't know what it meant…but she did know that he needed to say what he meant and he needed to mean what he said…and so did she. She always said what she meant and meant what she said…so maybe she should just…say things…and worry less about being mean…after all, Fukuda was the one who had been mean to her first. He had been the one to have said all of that stuff about her, he was the one to have started to dislike her, and he was the one who was talking to her like they were at work or something…and she did not want to be talked to like that. She wanted him to talk to her like normal. She wanted things between them to be like normal. She wanted…she wanted to be little again. She wanted to be so little that she didn't even know what Fukuda thought of her…but she could never go back to being that little again. She wasn't little anymore, she was big, and maybe…maybe she needed to stop worrying so much about being mean and start…having big people conversations…about stuff….stuff like this. Stuff that bothered her….and stuff.
"Well….well I still feel gross and…and I wish that I didn't and….and also why did you say all of that stuff about me? And why do you think that stuff about me?" asked Mob. There. She had gotten to the point and now they could talk about this and then everything would be out in the open and even if she didn't get him to like her again at least she would be able to know what it was that made him dislike her so much.
"I don't know to what you're referring to." Said Fukuda. He talked to her like…like she was dad. Like she was sitting in dad's desk and they were at work and…and no. If she had been dad then he would have just answered her question…and maybe….maybe he was being mean or just…he might not have even understood the question. That was an option too. He just might not have had any idea what it was that she was even saying…because that was what he had said…and she just…wanted him to just….be telling her the truth. Was the truth really so much to ask for?
"You said that you thought that I was doing….adult stuff…with Shimazaki. I'm not. I'm eleven, Minegishi is my best friend, and I don't even like him like that. I don't do stuff like that and I don't want you to think about me like that…and I don't want you to look at me like that either." Said Mob. She felt gross just saying it. She wanted to pull her head and arms into her sweater like a turtle. She knew that he was either looking at the grass or at her feet and…and she just…she knew that it made no sense but he was still looking at her, it felt like, at all of those parts of her that she never wanted him to ever look at…ever. For as long as she was alive. She knew that he wasn't but…but she just….
She wanted to go inside.
She wanted to go inside and she wanted to stop talking about this. Maybe he did, too, since he had tucked his aura in like that. Maybe if he wanted to go inside, of his own house hopefully, so badly then maybe he should have just…not been talking in circles and just answered her question. She didn't think that she was asking difficult questions, it wasn't like she was asking him to do the letters and numbers math that dad and Hatori were doing inside, and he should have just…just answered her question…or something. She didn't know.
"I…am looking at the ground right now…and I spoke out of turn before, please forgive me. I won't…talk about what you do in your personal life ever again." said Fukuda. His aura was all pulled in. He was trying to make it calm, make it seem like he was being normal, but she could tell. She could tell by his aura that he was…bothered. Bothered by all of this…and WHY was he the one who was bothered!? He was the one who had not only been thinking about her doing….stuff…he had also talked about it. He had talked about her doing stuff with Shimazaki which meant that he thought about her doing that kind of stuff…which meant he thought about her naked because people had to be naked to do that kind of stuff…and she never wanted to think of him thinking about her like that…and if anything she should have been the one who had been bothered! Not him! He was just…he was just so…so…she was getting mad…and maybe…maybe it was ok for her to get mad! Or maybe she was just really high and her brain had stopped working…or maybe not. Maybe…because he had been the one to think about her naked and…and that was not ok! That was not at all in any way ok and…and she was not doing stuff! She had never done anything with anyone and…and it was none of his business if she had been! And she wasn't even doing stuff like that!
"I'm not doing stuff like that! Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice. Just…I'm not doing stuff with anyone and I don't know why you would think that I am and…and stop thinking about me like that. It's gross that you think about me like that, it makes me feel gross that you would think about me like that, and….and I don't like that you look at me like that, either. Like I do stuff like that…." Said Mob. She didn't want to talk about this anymore. She wanted…she wanted to pretend that she had never….never heard him say all of that stuff about her….because now it seemed like he would never explain it to her, why he felt the way he did, and maybe…maybe she didn't even want to know at this point…because maybe the reason didn't matter….and maybe there was no way at all to fix this….maybe this was just…the way that things were now…and she should just…accept that this was the way that things were now…and stuff…she didn't know.
"I…I have never looked at you in that way and…and I am truly sorry if I gave you that impression….Miss Suzuki." Said Fukuda. It was the 'Miss Suzuki' that got to Mob. They were getting nowhere. They were getting nowhere and…maybe nowhere was where she wanted to go. Maybe there was no fixing this and talking about it…maybe talking about it would just make her feel grosser and grosser. It had already ruined all the good feelings that she got from smoking…and it might have ruined her night and…and she didn't want to talk about this, or anything else, anymore.
"Ok. I'm going to go inside now, you're dismissed. You can go…well I don't care where you go. You can go wherever you want but you can't stay in my yard." Said Mob. That had been…mean. Dad mean. If he wanted to talk to her like dad then, fine, she would talk to him like she was dad right back. She would tell him that he was dismissed like how dad always told people that they were dismissed and then she would let him go and then she would go inside and…
And she didn't know.
Maybe smoke in her room? She would think about it later. Right now she was focused on just getting away from Fukuda. She didn't wait for him to leave even though that would have been the more polite thing to do. No. She just walked back into her house. She was going in through the back so she didn't have to pass by the math party…but she could still hear it and feel it and…and she went right to her room. She went to her room, went to where she hid her secret stuff, and got out her pen. Maybe smoking inside would be ok just this once since dad was so busy hanging out with Hatori.
Maybe, she didn't know, she just knew that she didn't want to smoke outside anymore.