Okay, I know this is not part of "Home Sweet Hopeless" but don't worry. I'm just taking a break from writing on it. I have been adding onto it (typing out the chapters I already have written), but this song was stuck in my head all day. I got to thinking about it, and realized it reminded me a good bit of Jordan (and me, according to a friend, who swears I am just like Jordan when it comes to relationships). The song is "Afraid" by Mötley Crüe. Well, needless to say, I had the overwhelming urge to write a short songfic with it. That songfic progressed to another songfic ("Glitter"), which I'm not sure if I want to post (without a Parental Advisory sticker, at least). Well, without further ado, I bring to you "Afraid".
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Crossing Jordan characters nor do I own Mötley Crüe or their song "Afraid".
"Do you, do you
Wanna bleed?"
Nigel sat wearily on his couch, holding a sobbing Jordan close to his chest. She was tired of getting torn apart by Woody, wanting to swear off relationships altogether.
"Do you, do you
Wanna live in vain?"
He sat there, stroking her hair and staring blankly at the wall. His chest burned to do something, anything to make Woody feel at least half of what Jordan was feeling. The poor girl couldn't take much more. Nigel wondered what she ever saw in that man from the boonedocks.
"It's only life
She's so afraid to kiss
And so afraid to laugh
Is she running from her past?"
Nigel kisses the top of Jordan's head, stroking her hair still and reaching to take and hold her hand.
"It's only life
She's so afraid of love
Is so afraid of hate
What's she running from now?"
Nigel wanted her to see him terribly. He wanted her to realize that he wouldn't cause her pain.
"Do you, do you
Wanna scream?"
His heart yearned for her, wanting her to let go, cut loose. Beat him, abuse him, take her fury and pain and woe and agony and loneliness out on him.
"Do you, do you
Wanna face the strange?"
He wanted to give her something different, to let her have something she hadn't before. Change may have been good for her.
"Do you, do you
Believe?"
Would she accept his love? Would she accept him and know he would never hurt her?
"Are you, are you
Afraid of change?"
All she needed was something different, something stable.
"It's only life
She's so afraid of this
And so afraid to ask
She hides behind her mask"
Jordan clutched onto his chest even harder, screaming out her pain on him. Nigel didn't blame her. She could never be like this around anyone else. She hid herself from the world and only showed her true self to Nigel.
"Nothing's ever right
She's so afraid of pain
So afraid of blame
It's driving her insane"
She thought it was her fault. She was forced to believe that everything that went wrong in each of her relationships was her fault. But she was only told it was her fault once. That one time Woody blamed everything on her. She was afraid of catching that blow again, leading her to sabotage everyone else from then on. But Nigel loved her, and wouldn't give up so easily.
"So insecure
There is no cure"
Nigel lifts Jordan's face up to look him in the eye. Her face was shining with tears, her eyes red and worn, tired. She was biting her lower lip hard enough to make it bleed to keep herself from uttering another sob.
"Well, she's so afraid
She's so afraid of death
She's afraid, afraid of life
The drama in her head
Gettin' louder all the time"
She turns away, getting off the couch and reaching for the door.
"Gettin' louder all the time..."
Nigel gets up to catch her, but he stops when she looks sadly at him. She knew he meant well, that he loved her, but she was too tired. She was hopeless. She wanted to end it.
"She's so afraid, afraid to lose
Been so afraid of fame
Every day she feels the same
It's driving her insane..."
Jordan opens the door, taking one last glance back at Nigel, her watery eyes traumatizing.
"It's driving her insane..."
He takes a step back, swallowing hard and brushing away the silent tears running down his face.
"It's driving her insane..."
Jordan turns and leaves. She leaves Nigel, she leaves the world, she leaves her life.
"Another broken pretty thing..."
R&R, I beg of you!