Fukuda had said that this wasn't going to be a very long trip.
The last trip had been very long. They had gone to Seoul and then Seasoning City and then London. This time they were just going to Seasoning City. They weren't even taking a plane, they were taking a train, and it would be a long train ride but that didn't mean that it would be a long trip. Dad hadn't given Fukuda a lot of free time and Sho…well he had no idea when dad would even notice that he was gone…if he noticed…
Or cared.
Dad didn't care about him. Dad only cared about what he could do for the family and for Claw and for all of esper kind or whatever. Not like big sis. He cared about her. He cared about who she was and he cared about making her happy….and he wasn't going to think about this now. When he thought about this then he got upset and he was not going to get upset now. It would have been stupid to get upset now. Even though he had to spend days and days with the biggest traitor that Sho had ever met in his entire life. Even if he would have to leave big sis again…and he had left her before but it was never easy…and even though he was probably going to come back to a room with only one bed or whatever…he was not going to get upset.
Big sis was upset enough for the both of them.
"I'm going to Seasoning City, not the moon. You don't have to freak out so much." Said Sho as he collected his artist pencils in his pencil case. He would take one of every color and thickness just to be safe. For himself, of course, he already had a box of ninety six crayons not even opened. Those were going to be for baby sis…she loved to color….and Sho wished that he had bought more stuff for her. The crayons were supposed to be for him…and also she already had crayons…but if she was anything like him then those crayons that she had should have been worn down to stubs by now…
If she was anything like him.
He had to remind himself, sometimes, that she was not his actual baby sister. Even though she looked just like him, and responded to baby sis, she was not his actual sister since she had not come out of mom's stomach. Only people who came out of mom's stomach were his brothers and sisters and if mom had come back then it wouldn't have been to drop off a kid…and also if she'd had kid then she'd have had to have done that…stuff….all of that stuff with dad and that was just disgusting. Baby sis was not his sister, she was just a person who looked like him, and in fact she looked more like him than his own sister…
And Sho had no idea how that even worked but this was not the time to ask about all of that.
"I'm not freaking out. I just have to-to make sure that you have everything that you could possibly need. I don't want you to be far away from me and not have anything to wear…or anything like that. I want you to be…to be ok. Even though I won't be there to take care of you." Said Mob. She was sniffling just a bit…and her hair was trying to float away…and she had to stop this. She could not get upset and lose control in front of Sho…and also she could not get upset end of discussion. She loved him so much and…and it would be hard to see him go but…
But she didn't want to smother him.
She knew what it felt like to be smothered…and it was not a good feeling. That was how dad loved people. He loved you so much and he smothered you with his love until you just couldn't breathe and…and she would never do that to Sho. So she would just…be there for him when he got back…and also right now.
Somebody had to pack him up, after all, and it seemed like that somebody would have to be her.
"You know that they have stores in Seasoning City, right?" asked Sho. He didn't tell her that he would be deep in the woods far from the actual city. He didn't tell her that he would be staying at the Seventh Division. He didn't tell her….a lot of things. Things that she maybe should have known about….things that needed to stay a secret…things that he didn't want to keep secret anymore….
He was getting tired of secrets.
But he had to keep them. If he couldn't keep his own secrets then he didn't deserve to have them…and besides, this was not just his secret. Baby sis may have been just a baby but this was her secret too. Dad…dad could not know that he was still seeing baby sis. He might reassign her and her mom to somewhere far from everyone and everything else, even farther out than the woods outside of Seasoning City, and then…and then not only would Sho never be able to see them again but also they would never be able to see anyone else again….
And Sho did not want to be responsible for that.
"I know…but I still don't want yo-you to not have something….ok? So please Sho…just let me pack you up." Said Mob. This whole thing was just so….so sudden. Usually she got more notice about when Sho had an away mission. Usually she had more time to prepare, mentally, for the fact that her little brother would have been far away from her…and she knew that she was being weird. He had been so much farther from her so many times before….and she was just….being….
She was worrying too much about things that she did not need to worry over.
She knew that he would be back and she knew that he would be fine and she knew that he would be fine just so long as she packed him up the right way…so that was what she was going to do. She used her powers to fold his shirts, all long sleeved, and his pants. She packed him most of his clothes, his favorites, because maybe if he had his favorite clothes then he would feel better….not that she knew if he was even feeling bad or not. She really didn't. He seemed fine but she had no idea what was going on in his head. She knew, however, that if she were in his place then she would have been upset too….
After all Sho would be travelling with Fukuda of all people.
"Fine. Pack away Pac-sister." Said Sho as he made sure all of his markers were capped tight. Sometimes he didn't cap them tight enough and they dried out and that was always so annoying. He didn't want anything to go wrong for this trip, even something as little as dried up marker. This had to go well. Everything had to be perfect. After all, he hardly ever got to go to Seasoning City and see baby sis…
He wondered if she even still remembered him.
She was little after all, very little, and she….babies forgot things. She wasn't even two yet and Sho….well he couldn't remember anything that happened to him before he was three. He remembered waking up in the middle of the night and going to mom's bed…but dad was there….and he remembered not knowing that dad was dad…even though he did know that dad was dad…and then he got all scared all over again and he ran back to his room and dove into the bed with big sis…and then he woke her up but she was all 'it's ok, little brother, don't cry' and…and it had been nice…
He really hoped that baby sis remembered him.
Sho had been her first word after all…and maybe she knew other words. Maybe she could actually talk and…and she could tell him about things. About things that she liked. About things that happened to her in her life. About….about all of that baby stuff that she got up to. She was one and a half, now, and he had no idea how good one and a half year olds could talk but….but the fact that she was not only talking but also that he had been her first word….that should have been enough for him….and it was….
He just hoped that, in learning other words, she hadn't forgotten about him.
"That's funny…you're funny….you're always so funny little brother…" said Mob. He was going to be leaving and…and sometimes people never came back…but he would come back. He was her little brother and he had to come back. She had written the book on taking care of him after all. She knew what he liked for dinner and how he liked his laundry folded and…and how to play with him so he won but didn't realize that she had let him win…and also she knew…she knew him. She knew him and he knew her and…and he would come back and…
And she was being ridiculous and she needed to finish packing him up already.
"Yeah, I know it." Said Sho. He had been imitating Shimazaki, there, and he had done a good job. If Shimazaki had been around he would have told Sho that he had done a good job…but he wasn't around. He was still out with Minegishi…and they had been out all day…and Sho would be leaving tomorrow and…and he would have liked to have told Shimazaki that he was going. Well he knew that he easily could have called or texted but…but he wanted to tell him in person….
He just wanted to see Shimazaki again.
He rolled the sleeves of his jacket up. This was way too big. He would grow, Shimazaki had said, and then it would fit…and Sho…he wanted this jacket to fit…but he also didn't want to grow. Growing meant outgrowing and he didn't want to outgrow this. Shimazaki had worn this when he had been a little older than Sho, he had said, and that meant…that this was special and…and he knew that Shimazaki had only given him this because he thought of Sho as a son or whatever but….but that was ok. Shimazaki thinking of him as a son was…well it was better than Shimazaki not thinking about him at all…and Sho knew that he would never think about him in the same way that Sho thought about him and…and that really sucked but…
But it was better than nothing.
Shimazaki was his best friend and being best friends…well it was better than nothing. He was the only one that Shimazaki hung out with. He was the only one that Shimazaki had taken to the treasure room, judging by how dusty it had been, and he was the only one who knew where Shimazaki kept all of the things that were important enough to save…and he was the only one who got to wear this jacket and that…they were best friends and that had to be enough for him. It was enough for him…even though he felt….well more than best friend feelings…it had to be enough for him because….because when he thought about all of this he started to get sad and…and he should have been happy. He got to see baby sis again! He hadn't thought that he would be able to see her again before she turned two at least and now he was seeing her again and….
And he was happy…even though he really wanted to see Shimazaki again before he left…he was really happy…he really was!
"OK, so I pa-packed all of your favorite shirts….and also I washed your socks with the happy hamsters on them…and I updated the instruction book so Fukuda knows that you're allowed to have one can of soda after eight…and also about how you get a reward after you take your bath….and I can't think of anything else you need…." Said Mob as she wiped her eyes. She didn't know what she was so sad about…well she did…but she also knew that Sho had told her, specifically, that this was going to be a short trip. He had told her that this would be a short trip and she believed him…but he was still going and…and that was always sad…
It was always a very sad thing when her little brother left her.
He wouldn't be leaving forever, though, not at all. Just for a few days. He was going to Seasoning City with Fukuda for reasons. Sho hadn't told her what those reasons were but she knew that they must have been important because Sho told her not to tell dad where he was going. She wouldn't say a word. Her name was Suzuki Shigeko, not Fukuda Tadashi, and she could keep things to herself…and she knew that she had just thought something very mean but Fukuda…well he had trouble keeping things to himself. He had told dad about Emmy after all and Sho….Sho had sworn him to secrecy but he still told…and she had no idea why Sho was going somewhere with him….but it wasn't her secret to know…
She didn't have to know where he was going to know that she had to do his packing for him…or else he would forget the important things…like clean clothes or a toothbrush….
"You did enough, ok? And I don't need a babysitting manual. I know how to take care of myself." Said Sho. Fukuda would not be babysitting him because he did not need a babysitter. He knew not to drink too much before bed, he knew that he needed to at least since off every few days, and he knew that if he went to bed later than midnight he would be in a terrible mood the entire day. He was not a baby, he could take care of himself, and if she wanted to take care of a baby then…
Then she would have to have one herself because there was no way that she could come with.
Dad would definitely notice if she left. Dad was always talking about how much he loved her and how much he cared about her and how she was the best thing since family sized bottles of ketchup and sliced bread. Dad would never have let her go and even if she had managed to sneak away someone would have told dad where she had gone to. People didn't even know, sometimes, that he was dad's Son but she…well she had led Claw last year when dad had been on his away mission….so everyone knew her…and also even if she managed to wear a disguise or something dad would still have wound up finding out….
Since she didn't know how to keep secrets from him.
That was why he wasn't going to trust her with his secrets. He was going to…to pack the rest of his stuff up and tell her that he had gone to Seasoning City to see…the art museum in the cultural tower…or something. He didn't know. He didn't like lying to her. He wished that there had been some way that he could have done this without telling her lies….but there wasn't. It sucked worse than anything else in his life had ever sucked but…but this was just the way that it had to be. Him and her….he loved her but….well…
He loved his big sis a whole lot…but he loved his little sis a whole lot too….and he saw his big sis a hell of a lot more than he saw his little sis…so sometimes lies had to be told no matter how much he didn't want to….to lie to her…and stuff.
He didn't know. He shoved his markers into his backpack…and now there wasn't enough room for the pencil case. He picked his backpack up and shook it out onto his bed. Everything fell out. His crayons and markers and pens and pencils and sketchbooks and even a bunch of stuff that he hadn't known that he'd had. It was a big backpack, this was his travelling backpack, and he hadn't emptied it before he started filling it up. Old dart gun darts came tumbling out….an empty soda bottle….some crumpled up candy wrappers….a couple of rocks…all of it fell into the pile on his bed.
The candy wrappers started to float away.
"Here, at least let me help you with this. I know that you can take care of yourself more now than you could before but…but let me help. I love you and I want to help you." Said Mob as she floated the trash from his backpack over to their tiny garbage can. He really needed to stop putting old wrappers and bottles and stuff in there. He was lucky that no bugs or rats had made their home in his bag. He was lucky that he hadn't left any food in there, just empty wrappers, though something did smell…not good. Not like rot but just…not good.
"You always want to help me." Said Sho
"Yes, I do, because you're my little brother and I love you." Said Mob
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you too, big sis." Said Sho as he picked up his sketchbooks. These were the same ones that he and baby sis had drawn in on their last visit and….oh. Wait. There was a spiral bound notebook and those were for school work…and doodling….but mostly for the stupid homeschool work that big sis made him do. This was….it smelled like…
Oh. He knew what this was.
"What's that notebook, Sho? It smells weird." Said Mob as she leaned over his shoulder. He had a bunch of sketchbooks in a pile and a spiral bound notebook in his hands…that smelled terrible. Also it was…she knew that train. This was a Galaxy Express notebook…and she didn't remember Sho having a Galaxy Express notebook. No, his were all either Zootopia characters or real animals. Also that notebook was more…square? Yes, it was more square than any notebook that she had ever seen….but it was his. It had to be. It had the Claw symbol on the front…well not a very good drawing of it but sometimes Sho got sloppy or tired, and also it said Suzuki on the front….
Though she had never known Sho's handwriting to be that…good.
"It's…from the old house. It used to be dad's before I took it. It smells weird because it's old." Said Sho quickly. He had to lie. He couldn't tell her about the fort in the woods. He couldn't tell her about how he had taken this from a box in a hole in the ground. He couldn't tell her how dad and Fukuda had built a fort in the woods and Fukuda had shown it to him last year and how it was probably still there and stuff. He just…he had to lie.
Lies on top of lies on top of lies.
"Oh….I don't remember finding this in the treasure room." Said Mob. She held out her hands and he hesitated before passing it over to her. This felt….like a notebook. She had no idea what she had been expecting but it felt just like any other notebook. It smelled weird, though, but now that she thought about it she knew that it smelled just like the used bookstores that she and Minegishi went to sometimes. Old. That would have made sense, the pages were yellow, and it had been something that dad had owned back when he had been little.
That was how he wrote Suzuki. Very neatly.
"Well maybe you forgot your memory when I hit you in the face with that kendo sword." Said Sho quickly. He didn't want to lie to her any more than he had to…but she was asking too many questions. What was so hard to understand? It was a notebook and he had found it and it used to belong to dad. Ok, time to move on now.
"Shinai." Said Mob as she felt the front cover of the notebook. She knew kendo…and so had dad. She flipped open the front cover and it looked like he had drawn a shinai. Well it looked like he had tried to. There, on the inside front cover, were a bunch of little drawings of shiai swords and also trains and planets and spaceships….not very good ones….but then again she was used to Sho's drawings…
And she hadn't known that dad had liked to draw.
"Fine, shinai, whatever. Maybe you lost your memory when I hit you with it…or something." Said Sho as big sis flipped the notebook opened. He had no idea what it was that she even expected to find. He had gone through that and it was nothing but really bad drawings, math problems, ideas for stuff in Claw, and sometimes there were girls' names and notes on what they did…and the thought of dad liking any girl...even mom….ws just plain gross and wrong. That was why he had stopped looking through it. He didn't want to know those things about dad.
He didn't want to know anything about dad.
"I don't think that I did…I just think that I forgot about this because we were so little back then." Said Mob as she flipped to the next page. Dad had written here that this notebook was for his eyes only…but then, in different handwriting, someone had written 'for my eyes too' and…and she didn't know that handwriting. She touch it. This was scratchier than dad's handwriting…and it was written in bright green ink when dad had been writing in pencil…she reached down and touched it even though she had no idea what she expected to feel.
"Fukuda wrote that. This is from when he and dad were friends. He wrote some other stuff too…here, I'll show you." Said Sho as he flipped over to what looked like it was supposed to be a drawing of the First Division. Dad had drawn it in pencil and Fukuda had circled the big windows and the spires and the spiky fence and written 'impractical' and 'seriously Suzuki?' and some other stuff. He couldn't imagine Fukuda talking to dad like that now…
And he didn't want to.
He didn't want to think about dad and Fukuda now or as kids or…or at all. Dad was a jerk and Fukuda was nothing more than a traitor and a betrayer and…and he didn't even know why he still had this thing. He would put it back in the ground where he had found it. That was where it belonged, anyway. Big sis…if she wanted to know about when dad was a kid then she was free to ask him. He liked her the best after all….so she got to hear these stories first hand…and she was the only one who wanted to hear them, too.
Sho didn't care…not at all…and even it had been dad and not Fukuda who had wanted to tell him about Claw and about being a kid…he still would not have cared….really.
Really.
"Wow….dad can't draw….at all." said Mob as she flipped through the pages. Dad had drawn more divisions…and Fukuda had written notes telling him how terrible his drawings were…and she wondered why Fukuda had stopped talking to dad like that. He was always so polite with dad…and with her…and it was nice to know that it wasn't personal. Maybe that was just who Fukuda had become…or something. She didn't know. She didn't want to think about Fukuda. She wanted….she wanted….
She wanted to read more.
"Yeah….and there are a lot of drawings. Some math problems, too, and then some weird stuff. I stopped reading at about the middle because dad got sort of weird…and maybe don't look at that page!" said Sho. He tried to take it from her but she held it closer. It was one of the umbrella pages. Dad was even bad at drawing love umbrellas…and Sho had never drawn a love umbrella before but he knew that it was hard to mess up love umbrellas….but dad had. He had no sense of proportion or how to draw a straight line…and also his umbrella top was lopsided….and he was going to stop criticism dad's love umbrella drawing skills…
Because that was just…this was just…gross.
"Tuesday the 23rd of September 1986. Wada-san spoke to me today. She said hello when we both entered the classroom at the same time. She also asked me if I wanted her bread at lunch. Then during free time she asked what me and Fukuda…he struck that out….what Fukuda and I were listening to during break. We were listening to Fukuda's stupid Bangles tape which I now love….he struck that out…will learn to love because Wada-san likes it. She had her purple hairclip in today, the big one, and she dropped it. I caught it and handed it to her. Then she smiled at me. She smiled at me for four seconds exactly. She has a gap in her front teeth and I love it and I love her…and now someone struck that out in green….Suzuki this is why girl's don't like you stop coming on so strong or you'll die a virgin….and then I guess dad wrote back….Fukuda you are not the President. I am the President and if you keep writing in my private notes then you will be excommunicated from Claw…and then I guess Fukuda wrote…kick me out and you'll be the President of yourself….and then dad wrote back….stop reading my private notes…and then Fukuda wrote back….stop being weird with girls…and then dad wrote back…..you're the one who would sleep with his own mother if you found yourself in a back to the future scenario so stop calling me weird and….and then it looks like Fukuda drew a rocket ship…car…thing. I don't know. This is weird." Said Mob. This was weird but she didn't close the notebook….no.
She turned the page.
"If it's so weird then stop reading." Said Sho. He didn't want to hear any more of it. Dad had been a person before Sho had been a person. Whatever. That was….that was a thing that he had known about all his life. Dad had been a kid once and…and this was just…what Claw had been before it became what it was now….
And that was all so….ok. Everything was ok…so ok that Sho….he didn't even care…
"Dad and Fukuda had a lot of…I guess…conversations? Like here. Friday the 26th of September 1986. Mother sent me to the store for eggs for tempura. This is normal. I have planned it so that I always finish off the eggs Friday morning for breakfast. That was when I arrive home mother will send me to the store again. I have taken to watching television with her when I get home as to better time my trips to the store so that I may cross paths with Wada-san…and Fukuda drew an arrow and wrote….what Suzuki is not telling you is that he also watches her house through his telescope so that he can leave the house right when she does….on Friday afternoons her mother also sends her to the store. Her mother does not make tempura on Fridays. Her mother makes oyakodon. We go to the same store and we walk for approximately ten to thirteen minutes each way. She speaks to me….Fukuda wrote another note here….maybe you could talk back once in a while….and I make sure to commit it to memory. Today she spoke to me about how her VCR destroyed her tape of Akira. I suggested…..another note from Fukuda…let it be known that I, Fukuda Tadashi, came up with the brilliant idea of inviting Wada-san and her friend with the massive….not going to read that word…to watch Suzuki's copy of Akira on laserdisc which he…owns is written in bold…and then dad says….I thought of it first even if you said it first…and then Fukuda says…how the…f-word…do you know that and-" said Mob
"Wait, Fukuda said fuck? He's always on me about my language and he said-" sad Sho
"Sho! Don't say that word…and yes, Fukuda said…wrote….the f-word…at dad…anyway back to this. Fukuda insists that we do this on Sunday when mother and father will be out on one of their long drives….and Fukuda drew a picture of….Sho don't look…and then dad wrote….let it be known that mother and father do not have…s-word…and also let it be known that Fukuda is the creator of terrible ideas because I am expressly forbidden not only from having company in the house when mother and father are out but also I am forbidden from having company of the opposite…s-word….in my bedroom…and I have no idea why we would be in my bedroom…and then Fukuda….wrote….well somebody in your house ought to be having….s-word…and I mean with something other than their right hand and….well I have no idea what that means….and then dad wrote….well there's red on the page and dad wrote….Fukuda Tadashi will no longer be adding notes to this notebook as his writing hand is quite broken….dad. Well now that was just mean…even if Fukuda was being gross…at least I think he was." Said Mob. She knew that she should have closed this notebook. She knew that she was reading something personal but…but she had never seen this side of dad before…and aside from talking about the s-word and being in love with a girl who wasn't mom….
Wada was a family name.
What had mom's family name been before she married dad and became a Suzuki? Mob…had no idea. Maybe this was about mom. Maybe this was about how mom and dad had met and fell in love and…and his was not that. She knew that this was not their love story because mom had told her what had happened. Dad had met her at the train station and then they had fallen in love and gotten married almost immediately…and it was a good love story….and also nobody had used the s-word….and Mob didn't want to think about either of her parents even talking about the s-word…and also she didn't want to think about either of her parents being in love with someone else but…
But she did kind of want to know more…even if she did know how this love story ended….well dad had married mom but…but she still wanted to read more just so long as nobody mentioned the s-word ever again.
"If it's so gross then stop reading already." Said Sho. He started putting stuff back in his backpack. He didn't need to hear this. He didn't want to know about this. He had stopped reading before this point. If she wanted to read, fine, but that didn't mean that he had to listen or care.
"Maybe it'll stop being gross…because I can't imagine dad ever being this gross…well Fukuda yes but not dad and…here. Sunday the twenty eighth of September 1986. Wada-san was in my bedroom. I was more nervous than I thought that I would have been. I blew the fuse box twice…and then Fukuda wrote….three times…and then dad said…I now like Akira and no longer have fears of losing control and leaving this plane of existence….and then Fukuda wrote…that's a lie he was up all night with nightmares and made me stay up with him and tell him he wasn't losing control…oh. Poor dad. Anyway dad wrote….I now enjoy…he crossed that out…no longer want to return my copy of Akira. I also now know what her skin feels like. It's soft. The skin on the tops of her hands is softer than the skin on the palms of her hands. The skin on her stomach is softer then the skin on her shoulders…and Fukuda wrote….that's Suzuki speak for I felt a girl up and I liked it…and that's gross…and then dad wrote back….I did not feel her up because I stayed away from her breasts and did not reach under her bra….dad that is so gross…and that is why Fukuda Tadashi got slapped so hard he got a bloody nose….and then Fukuda wrote back….first of all she didn't slap me she punched me and second of all her….not going to read that word…weren't anything to write home about and then….so Fukuda was always like this….dad says Fukuda Tadashi is the reason that Wada-san and her friend went home before then end of the movie and he has lost his sleepover movie and snack picking privileges and then Fukuda said…let it be known to all future Claw members that I Fukuda Tadashi am responsible for the fact that our dear President has more hickeys than skin….don't know what that means…and also he says-" said Mob. She could help it. This was like reading about a train wreck. She knew that she should have stopped but…but this was just….she couldn't look away.
Also. Dad. Gross.
She had never even thought about this part of her dad's life and…and a lot of it was gross but…but also….dad had been in love. Dad had been in love with someone besides mom…and he had done kissing stuff and other stuff with someone other than mom and…and dad had been…her age. Well this was from 1986 so dad had been….thirteen….which was older than her but…but aside from the time she and Sho had found the Treasure Room when she had been little…she had never even thought about dad being….a kid….or about this….
She had never thought about dad and…this….before but…wow. Just…wow. Bad wow but still…wow.
"See? What did I say? It's not going to stop being weird and gross and stuff. That was why I stopped reading when dad started writing about that girl. I don't need to know about that….and I don't care about that, either, and I don't know why you do." Said Sho. Who wanted to read about dad and Fukuda? They were weird now and they had been even weirder back then. Sho would rather have been reading about something boring like…math…or the history of grass growing…or….whatever. Sho didn't know. Anything other than the stupid notes dad and Fukuda had written to each other.
"I just…never thought about dad like this before. I mean not the gross parts but….he and Fukuda used to be friends. This kind of friends. He and Fukuda used to be the kind of friends who had sleepovers and wrote notes with each other…and I never…thought about this before…" said Mob. Dad had never told her about all of that before and….and she tried to picture it and she just…couldn't. She didn't need to picture it. She had words, not pictures, and…and some of them had been gross but…but even the gross ones were better than nothing…or maybe nothing was better than gross stuff…she didn't know…she just figured that it depended on how gross this got…well it was already pretty gross….but still….or something….
"If you want to know about this stuff then ask Fukuda. He'll tell you everything that you ever wanted to know and then some….or maybe dad since, you know, he likes you the best." Said Sho
"No….no. I just…don't want to ask Fukuda about this….or….anything….or dad, too. I just…want to know how this ends." Said Mob
"You know how it ends. Dad grows up, marries mom, and then we're born. We both know how the story ends." Said Sho
"I know but…aside from the gross parts….I want to know how we got to the ending….and stuff." Said Mob
"Fine. It's a free country. Keep reading until you lose your voice or whatever. I don't care." Said Sho
"Ok…but I'll stop….I mean I want to know what happens but…" said Mob. She knew what happened but….but she didn't KNOW what happened. What dad had been like….aside from the gross stuff that came with love…and she had no idea what…well Fukuda had always been gross apparently…but there was stuff in there about grandma and grandpa….well little things but…but she hadn't had any idea that grandma had made tempura every Friday or that on Sundays grandma and grandpa went for long drives….and she knew that she had barely learned anything but….but barely anything was better than the absolutely nothing that she had known before.
"Big sis….keep reading. It's….it's funny…the parts where Fukuda curses. You can keep reading….or whatever." Said Sho. She wanted to know and…and that notebook had been weighing his backpack down for a year now. He had taken it out every so often to read and then he had put it back just as fast. It had been a secret that he had, eventually, forgotten that he had been keeping…that he had forgotten that he had been keeping in his backpack weighing him down…
And his backpack was overstuffed as it was.
"Ok…but one more…and then you can have it back. Um….ok. Wednesday the first of October 1986. I spoke to Wada-san in school today. She asked me to help her with the math homework during free time. Also she called me Touichi. Mother is the only person who calls me that. Now Wada-san calls me that. I like it. I accidentally blew the power to the building…and then Fukuda wrote….thank you very much for getting us out of school early President Suzuki I am forever in your debt….oh. So that's why he still hangs out with dad. Anyway dad wrote….Wada-san asked me to accompany her to the record store on the condition that Fukuda not join us. I have no idea why she does not like him but I agreed. Have discovered synthesized music…and then Fukuda wrote….welcome to the 80s….and then dad wrote….I enjoy this very much. Have bought a record and have marked all the parts without talking in crayon. Wada-san asked to come home with me since my record player is nicer than hers. I did not think so but it's a weekday so I can have company…and then Fukuda said something that I don't think that I should read…and then dad wrote….mother asked me to keep my door opened and I don't know why. Wada-san kissed me again despite the door being opened. She….that's a lot of details….dad why are you so gross…and then Fukuda….why are boys so gross all the time….yuck. Then dad says….I told Wada-san that I love her….then Fukuda said….President Suzuki is an idiot and this is why his bloodline will come to an end you tell a girl that after you sleep with her not the first time she actually lets you….more gross stuff….and then dad says….this is not an exchange diary and Fukuda Tadashi will get out of my personal notes…and then Fukuda says….at this point it is an exchange diary and I, as the acting vice president of Claw, will annotate this exchange diary so that future members of Claw will be able to know what a weirdo you are and then dad wrote….Fukuda Tadashi has stated numerous times in a back to the future scenario that if his mother looked like Marty McFly's mother then he would not rebuff her advances…whatever any of that means…and then Fukuda said…I wasn't being serious Touichirou now if she were your mom…and then dad wrote that any and all future messages will be written in Fukuda's blood…and then….I hope that's red ink and not blood…Suzuki Touichirou is a violent weirdo who stabbed me with a….how do you stab someone with a compass? I don't even….but dad stabbed him with one…and then he found one of the girl's hairclips and now he's going to save it for the rest of eternity because plastic never degrades…and also he…well more gross stuff….dad why did you have to be so gross?" Said Mob. She closed the notebook after that and handed it to Sho. That was…well she didn't know what she had been expecting but it hadn't been that. She just….had never….that had been….
Dad and Fukuda had been really gross as kids….
But also dad had been in love. Dad had been in love and also…also he'd had parents. He'd had parents and they had given him rules…and he had followed their rules and…and Mob found herself wanting to know more. Not about gross stuff…so maybe she would just avoid the layers of notes and comments that dad and Fukuda had exchanged….but she did want to know more about…about grandma and grandpa and…and dad's life. What he had been…like…before he had been dad….but not the gross stuff….
She could have lived a very long and happy life if she hadn't known about any of that gross stuff.
"You….you keep it. I don't want it. You're the one who wants to know about dad…so you keep it…and stuff." Said Sho. He didn't want it. He knew enough about dad and Fukuda and when they had been kids. She could have it. She was the one who wanted to know and it wasn't like Fukuda would ever tell her…since he didn't like her for some reason…..but if she wanted to know about all of that then she could have it.
He didn't care.
He had enough stuff he knew about. Secret stuff like their fort in the woods….or the house….or grandma and grandpa's grave and…and she didn't know about any of that…and she never could…because those were secrets. Those were some of the many secrets that he had to keep from her. Secrets on top of secrets on top of secrets….
And it felt good to be able to just…have one fewer secret to keep…or whatever.
"But…you found it first." Said Mob. Sho needed this more than she did. She talked to dad all the time…never about gross stuff like this but…well also never about how he and Fukuda had been friends, before, and about how…how he used to have parents before they died and he became an orphan…and she had never thought about that before….about how dad was an orphan and….she could have asked about this but….but Sho couldn't….
She tried to pass it back again…but Sho pushed it back into her chest.
"You read it…but to yourself. You can have it, I don't want it, now leave me alone. I have a lot of packing to do." Said Sho. He wasn't lying. He did have a lot of packing to do…well she had done most of it…but he didn't care about dad or what he had been like as a kid or even about something funny like him and Fukuda cursing at each other….he didn't care. She did. She did and…and if she was reading that then she wouldn't get all freaked out because he was leaving…even though it wouldn't be a long trip at all…and anyway he would come back with a present for her or something…and more secrets for himself, too….
Well Fukuda had said that it wouldn't be a long trip, anyway, but Sho knew that it would take forever…since he had all of these secrets weighing him down and all.