The train ride to Seasoning City was a long one….but at least it wasn't a bumpy one.
No, the train ride went very smoothly. That was good. A smooth train ride meant for easy drawing. Sho had his sketchbook balanced on his lap as he drew….well he had no idea what he was drawing. Right now it was just a collection of lines. Usually he saw in his head what his drawing was going to be but…but not this time. He hadn't had time to think up a drawing. This time he' just sat down in his seat, pulled out his sketchbook, and gotten right down to it.
He'd had to.
Fukuda was looking at him. He was watching him with his eyes and with his aura and Sho…he had no clue what he even wanted. Fukuda wanted to take him to Seasoning City to see baby sis. They were on a train to Seasoning City to see baby sis. There. What did they even have to talk about? They were doing the thing that they had been planning on doing. There. End of discussion. Thank you very much. Sho was there, on the train, sitting with his feet up on the seat next to Fukuda drawing and just….Fukuda should have been able to tell that he didn't want to talk…
But Fukuda was still staring at him.
Sho made the mistake of looking up at him. He should have stayed staring at his sketchbook. He should have stayed working. Maybe if he had stayed working then Fukuda wouldn't have made eye contact with him and smiled. Sho didn't smile back. He didn't feel like smiling back. He felt like scribbling in this sketchbook until they got to Seasoning City and then he felt like scribbling in it some more until they got to the Seventh Division and then he felt like scribbling it in again when he saw baby sis again….he loved her little baby scribbles…and then once he had to leave again he felt like doing even more scribbling on the way back so that he wouldn't talk to Fukuda…and he wished that Fukuda would have just gotten a clue already…
But, apparently, he had no idea where to get a clue even if one walked up and bit him.
"So…what are you drawing over there?" asked Fukuda. He could get a clue. He could read the atmosphere and this atmosphere said 'leave me alone' but he wasn't going to. He needed to clear the air with Sho. He couldn't let the two of them go on like this. Sho…he had been angry with him before…he was a very angry little boy….but this was different. It had never lasted this long before. It had never been so…palpable before….and he just…
He needed to fix this.
God, he wished the Higashio had been there. That guy could fix anything. Or even Ootski, he was actually very good with kids. But, of course, he so rarely got to see the two other people he could sort of call friends in this life…but that was ok. He was there for Sho and that was what mattered. He could and would fix what broke on his own…what he had broken. He'd had to make a pragmatic choice and…and he knew that he had made the right one but Sho…he was just a child and could not even begin to understand these things..
But that was alright because Fukuda…well he had days and days to make things right between them again.
He didn't know how he would do it but he would. He would…he would talk to Sho and….and just…find some way of making him understand. He had to understand that Fukuda…the things he did…all the things he did…have always been for his own good. Even the things that didn't quite work out had all been for Sho's own good…and Sho…he would be old enough one day to understand….everything…
But Fukuda didn't need him to understand everything, not today, he just needed Sho to understand…the latest in a series of pragmatic choices that he'd made on his behalf.
"A picture." Said Sho. He looked back down at his drawing. It was a collection of lines…maybe this counted as abstraction…but he didn't like abstraction. He liked to draw things the way they actually looked. It was harder to do that. Abstraction was just lines and dots ad splotches and stuff. He had seen a whole bunch of it last time he had gone to an art museum. Drawing things as they looked in life took more effort and the results were much more impressive.
To people other than dad.
He didn't know why he cared whether or not dad was impressed by him. Dad liked his drawings…so what? For as long as he could remember everyone had always been impressed by his drawings. His teachers back in preschool…the other kids when it would be art day at the library….people who worked at the animal shelter mom used to take him and big sis too…back when they had been little and Sho had drawn birthday cards for the animals…lots of people had been impressed with his drawing skills before. This was no different, dad being impressed, and he shouldn't have cared about what dad thought any more than he cared what some stranger on the street thought…or whatever.
He shouldn't have….but part of him….the stupid part….did.
"Of what?" asked Fukuda. He learned forward. It looked like Sho was just making lines…but then again what in the hell did he know about art? Sho could have been working in a new style or something. He was a prodigy when it came to art. Masami had always said that Sho had a gift…and she'd had no idea where it came from. He got it from his grandmother, obviously, though she had never been the artist that Sho was now. She had been alright, she had worked mostly in ink wash, and Fukuda…he wondered if any of her work survived. If it had then he could have shown Sho and…and maybe another piece of the past, of his past, could have mended he bond between the two of them…and also Sho had a right to know…
He had a right to know a lot of things….and Fukuda….well he had might as well tell Sho about the things which he both had the right to know and could handle at his age.
"I don't know yet. Maybe I would know if you weren't distracting me." Said Sho. He glared at Fukuda. He glared so hard that even Shimazaki would have been able to see it. Fukuda needed to get a clue already. Sho didn't feel like talking. What, did he have to get out his markers and right it all over his face? Or all over Fukuda's? Or maybe just all over the train. Yeah. That would have been something. He just starts drawing all over the train until he gets kicked off and then he doesn't get to see baby sis….or maybe he could get Fukuda kicked off the train…yeah. Then maybe he could have a peaceful rest of the train ride…even though he was too little, for some reason, to go on his own….he was ten and ten was not too little and he could take trains on his own if he wanted to!
"I'm sorry." said Fukuda. Maybe that was the place to start. He was sorry. He was sorry for breaking Sho's trust. He was sorry for not doing more to make his life better. He was sorry for not being able to get him to his mother. He was sorry for helping Masami leave and not thinking up a better plan than…then him getting Sho to her later. He was sorry for…well he had a lot of things to be sorry for and Sho…he was too young to know about many of those things…
But he wasn't too young to know that Fukuda was sorry.
"No you aren't. If you were sorry then you wouldn't have done it in the first place." Said Sho sticking out his tongue…and maybe that had been the one step too far. Fukuda's aura got all pulled in and his eyes got all sad and…and he needed to stop being so sensitive! Sho had only stuck out his tongue! It wasn't like he got up, walked over, and started kicking him in the balls or anything! And he deserved that….even though Shimazaki had been very clear that men did not kid each other in the balls….well Sho wasn't a man! He was a only ten and a half years old and nobody ever treated him like a man anyway so…..so maybe he should have just gotten up and kicked Fukuda in the balls!
But he didn't because that was a crime outside of Claw and if he did that then he would end up getting kicked off this train and this was the only train to Seasoning City so he had to be good.
"Sho….that's not true. Sometimes we do things that…that we have to do….because we have no other choice but…but that doesn't mean that we aren't sorry about what we did…because we are." Said Fukuda softly. He was glad that they were the only people in their section. Nobody to overhear them. Nobody to overhear Sho when he inevitably started cursing like he was training for a career as a sailor. Nobody to question what a forty four year old man had to apologize to a ten year old boy about.
"No, you don't have to bother me. You can look out the window or read stuff on your phone or take a nap or just sit around watching your nails grow or whatever. You don't have to distract me…and what's with all of this 'we' shit? I am not the one who's bothering you. You're the one who's bothering me." Said Sho
"Language." Said Fukuda automatically. He hated it, Sho's cursing, and it was the one thing that he and Suzuki could agree about. Sho should not have been cursing. It was a filthy way of speaking and he should have had a better way to express himself….not that Fukuda knew what that way was. There was so much anger to him, anger that Fukuda had never even though possible for a ten year old boy, and he had no idea what he was even supposed to do to help Sho with that anger. That is if he even could do anything at all besides clear the air between them and hope….hope that things got better.
"Seriously? You cursed all the time when you were my age. You even cursed at dad. How are you going to talk to be about cursing when you did the same thing?" asked Sho. He could say whatever he wanted to say and do whatever he wanted to do. This was still a free country until dad took over the world and until that day came he could say and do whatever it was the he felt like…and also Fukuda had cursed too! So he was being all two faced when he told Sho not to curse! And you weren't supposed to be two faced!
"No, I never cursed at ten…and also I never knew your father when I was ten…and I never cursed at him at any point in time." Said Fukuda. He couldn't remember a time when he would have even been at ease enough to curse Suzuki out…and there had been plenty of times when he'd wanted to. There had been so many times over the past thirty something years that he had wanted to take Suzuki and shake him and curse him out…but he didn't. That would have been suicide. Well…he was mostly sure that Suzuki never would have even been able to kill him….but it was always very surprising what a person was capable of living through.
"Liar. You're such a liar that it's not even funny. I know you cursed at dad. I read it in a notebook. Dad wrote about his life and then you wrote in it too and you cursed at him. Don't lie to me. I don't like liars." Said Sho. No. Fukuda was not going to sit there and lie to him again. He felt like yelling and screaming and kicking him in the balls even though men did not do that to each other…but Sho wasn't a man. He was ten. He knew that he was too old to throw a fit, he'd get kicked off this train if he did, but he was not too old to kick Fukuda in the balls….and he deserved it!
"Wait…what? What notebook?" asked Fukuda. He vaguely remembered…..Suzuki kept a diary…well he kept about a million of them…but he always buried those. They had both been pretty bad about burying things that they didn't want anyone to know about but…but where had Sho even….what?
"I found a notebook buried in the woods the first time you took me to see baby sis. You and dad wrote a lot of really gross stuff in it to each other. Like about how dad was in love with some girl and about kissing stuff and other gross stuff that I never even wanted to know about my dad….or you. You did curse at him and you lied to me when you said that you didn't and…and it really pisses me the fuck off when you lie to me." Said Sho. He looked Fukuda right in the eyes. He dared him to say it again. He dared Fukuda to be all 'language' like….like he could just say stuff like that after he had done the exact same thing….
"Sho….you're right. I did curse at your dad when I was younger….and I should not have done that. I should not have been talking like that to anyone let alone my best….let alone your father. That had been wrong of me." Said Fukuda. There was no denying it…and also Sho…he should not have read that. There was a feeling of….something close to….violation…at the idea of Sho having read…well it depended on which one Sho had read. There were ones that were just ideas for the future…and there were ones that had a lot of personal stuff in them that a ten year old boy should not have been reading…especially about his father….and especially about what his father had gotten up to as a teenage boy…and what Fukuda had gotten up to…
Because, really, they had been absolutely terrible as teenagers.
Especially as middle schoolers. Middle school boys…they were on their own level when it came to everything….everything that kids Sho's age should not have known about. He and Suzuki had been at their worst when it came to…well a lot of things. Suzuki had been pretty fond of stabbing him with a compass….and whoever had invented something so sharp for something as stupid as geometry needed to be hanged or thrown in a hole or something…..and also he had been fond of generally inflicting pain and injury onto Fukuda when he got pissed off….and Fukuda had been pretty fond of pissing him off…at least in the beginning. At least when they had first met and Suzuki was just this weird kid in his class who'd become his first esper friend…and real friend, too. They had been better friends back then. Good enough friends that Fukuda had been privy to all of Suzuki's….weirdness…
Weirdness that Sho DID NOT NEED to know about.
Sho did not need to know just how weird and obsessive his dad had been when it came to girls. Also he did not need to know how just….well Fukuda had been fairly unpleasant when it came to the opposite sex too. He had just been more open about what he wanted. He and Suzuki had both been at their absolute worst between thirteen and fifteen but Suzuki had been more about how he wanted some girl to love him and be there for him…and then all of the fun stuff. Fukuda had been a lot more opened about how he wanted to get to the fun stuff…..
And Sho did not need to know about that stuff…not at his age…or any age….
There was also the matter of that thing that he and Suzuki were never speaking of again. That thing that they had tried…well several things that they had tried….on the one occasion…on too many occasions….well even once was too many! And Sho did not need to know about that. Not the first time or the next or…or thank fucking God that he and Suzuki had left Seasoning City and that fort in the woods behind for university because….yeah. Sho would need a team of professionals if he ever found out about…well anything related to his and Suzuki's university years…..
Hopefully Sho had just found the notebook where Fukuda had seen how creative he could get before Suzuki stabbed him with that damn compass again.
"So that means that you can't get on me about cursing. Not if you cursed too." Said Sho. He was not going to sit there and be told not to do something that Fukuda had done…and especially not if Fukuda was just…just going to sit there and be a traitor! Because that was what he was….a traitor!
"Sho…I get on you about cursing because I used to curse." Said Fukuda with a sigh. He…had had cursed up a storm when he had been young…well older than Sho…but still young…and Sho was right. He had been a hypocrite and…and he had to own up to that and….and a lot of other shit, too, while he was at it.
"That makes no sense at all." said Sho. You couldn't make one rule for someone else and then a different rule for yourself…unless your name was dad…or Suzuki Touichirou….but Fukuda wasn't dad! He wasn't anything like dad at all!
"It does. Sho…you're the child and I'm the adult. It's my job to try and make…make things better for you than they were for me. Make you into a better person than…than I am….and in some ways I suppose that you are but…but you're still only ten years old and you have a long way to go." Said Fukuda
"No I don't. I'm already a better person than you are. I don't go around telling people's secrets. I have never betrayed anyone in my life, not even once, and not even you….and you deserve it. You traitor." Said Sho. That was worse than cursing at someone. Traitor. He couldn't think of anything worse than being called a traitor…and Fukuda deserved it…even if now his eyes looked sad and…and he needed to stop looking at Sho like that! He needed to stop trying to make Sho feel bad!
"Sho…I deserve that." Said Fukuda. He was going to own up to it, what he had done, the pragmatic choice that he'd had to make.
"What?" asked Sho. That was…not what he had been expecting to hear. Why wasn't he defending himself? Why was he just….admitting to it? To all of it? Was this…what even….was….this?
"I deserve what you said to me. You said something very hurtful to me and I deserved all of it." Said Fukuda. He did deserve it, all of it, even this part. He should have….well there was nothing else that he could have done. He'd had a choice to make and…and he hated making pragmatic choices. They were never about what was going to give him the best outcome….just what was going to give him the least terrible one…and this was the least terrible one…but it was still pretty fuckin terrible.
"You….you're tricking me. This is a trick." Said Sho. No. He was going to be all 'but I did what I had to do and I'm sorry that you got upset'….or something. Fukuda…if he had known fully well that he had been betraying Sho then why had he done any betraying at all? Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut or figured out something else to say or….or whatever!?
"No, it isn't. You're right. I did betray you. You put your trust in me, I promised that I would keep your secrets, and I betrayed you. I deserve everything that you have to say and more." Said Fukuda
"You…if you know that you deserve me cursing you out and telling you that you suck and kicking you in the balls then…then why did you do it?" asked Sho
"Sho….I hurt you. I hurt you but…don't ever kick another man in that….area. Ever." Said Fukuda
"I know. Shimazaki told me already…but I want to kick you in the balls! I want to kick you in the balls so hard that you turn into a girl!" said Sho. He didn't get up even though he wanted to really bad but he did kick at Fukuda…who crossed his legs like a coward! If he had really been sorry about betraying him then he would have let Sho kick him in the balls as hard as he possibly could! Until he turned into a girl…because they were inside out guys….or however it worked!
"Sho….stop shouting. Ok, I admit it, I deserve the amateur sex change but….but how about this? You can punch me in the face or the gut or hit me over the head with a rock or something when we get off this train. How about that?" asked Fukuda. He could heal but he could also feel and…and he didn't much want to go through that…and also since he was the only one putting forth any real effort into actually raising Sho, the only adult anyway, he had a duty to keep Sho from growing up to be the sort of man who kicked other men below the belt. That was something that even Suzuki had stopped doing.
"No…because I'm done hitting people….mostly. I don't want to hit you or anyone else because that would make big sis upset and…and stuff. Even if you did deserve it, you do deserve it, for being a traitor." Said Sho
"Sho….I'm glad that you're trying to be a better person but…but that has to come from within. You don't have to change just because your sister told you to." Said Fukuda
"Sho didn't tell me to. I decided this on my own. I decided this because…because one day I wanted to hit her hard enough that she coughed up blood….and that was what dad did to people…and I never want to be anything like my dad. Ever. So I decided to become a better person than him…and that means that I won't hit you even if you did betray me for no reason." said Sho
"Sho….no. I didn't tell your father about your girlfriend for no reason. I told him about your girlfriend because….I told you already. Sho, I know that you have a crush on Shimazaki-" said Fukuda
"I do not! You don't know anything!" shouted Sho. He stood up on his chair and pointed at Fukuda and…and maybe that hadn't been the best thing to do because now people, the train wasn't totally empty, were looking at him…
"Sho. Sit down and stop this. You're acting up and you can't do that here. You can act up all you want when we're back…with our people…but not out here." Said Fukuda. He reached over and took Sho by the hand and pulled him back down. That had been…not good. Sho…well he was the Son of the President and in Claw he could act however he wanted to act but out here in the normal world….he looked like a…well like something of a….he had been making a spectacle of himself and that was socially unacceptable.
"Fine…but I don't have a crush on-" said Sho
"Sho. I know that you do and I did what I had to do to protect you. You saw how your dad reacted to your sister having feelings for Shimazaki and she's at least the right…well not the right sex but…but your dad has very clear ideas about what his daughter should be and what his son should be. You having a girlfriend is something that he wanted for you and…and you know for a fact that he would have done more than beat Shimazaki up if he ever even got the idea in his head that you had feelings for him. You're only ten but…but you're old enough to begin to understand…that in life we have to make…pragmatic choices." Said Fukuda
"I have no idea what that means." Said Sho. He had heard that word before but…but he didn't feel getting a vocabulary lesson right now! He wanted…he wanted to pick up his sketchbook and draw and…and he had no idea what he even wanted to draw but…but he wanted to just…he didn't even know what it was that he wanted anymore…it felt like…and that sucked like hell. It sucked like an out of work businessman in a public bathroom during golden week…and he would much rather have asked Shimazaki was what meant than ask Fukuda what in the hell 'pragmatic choice' meant.
"Pragmatic choices are….are choices that you don't always win from. It's not about which choice will lead to the best outcome but…but which choice will lead to the least terrible one. I told you dad…I betrayed you to your father…because I had a pragmatic choice to make. I could either keep it a secret and let your father think that you liked boys in the same way that you like girls….and then he would probably end up hurting you and whatever boy you wound up with….or I could just tell one of your secrets but throw your father off of your trail. I knew that I was damaging my relationship with you when I did that…and it's been tearing me apart ever since. I love you, Sho, you mean the most to me out of everyone else in the world and…and I truly am sorry for doing what I did…but I had to do what I had to do to protect you." Said Fukuda. He slumped down in his seat. This was….harder than he had imagined but…but he had to…to fix this. Honesty. He would have to be honest in…the first time in a very long time…well mostly honest. He didn't know. All he knew was that he had to fix this before it got any more broken than it already was.
"Stop getting all sad…and stuff. You didn't have to protect me. Dad…I can handle whatever dad throws at me. I've been handling him my whole life…and I could have handled….whatever he was planning on doing to me." Said Sho
"Sho….no. Your dad….you've never seen the upper limits of what he can do to people. I have. You're his son and he values you for that but you…having the same feelings for boys as you do for girls….that messes with his vision for the future and terrible things happen to people who mess with your father's vision for the future. Things that I don't even want to tell you about. I would hate to see those things happen to you…or the boy you have feelings for…even if it is Shimazaki." Said Fukuda. Honestly he wished that Suzuki would just do away with…no that was too far…but at least kick the living shit out of Shimazaki Ryou…and Fukuda knew enough that he could have made that happen…but then Sho would have been upset with him and he would have made an enemy out of Shigeko…and he already felt like he was on the road to making an enemy out of her….and he had no idea how he was supposed to even come close to fixing…whatever had gone wrong between the two of them.
"Yeah….I guess that….that it would suck if dad hurt Shimazaki but….but you shouldn't have told him about Emmy! Because now he's all proud of me and…and he's proud of me because he knows about her and…and what if he had decided that I wasn't allowed to be with her because she's not an esper or…because she's not Japanese or….or for whatever reasons that dad can come up with…and he doesn't even need a reason! He's dad!" said Sho
"Sho…keep your voice down…and I know your dad. I know that your dad….he's good at math. He's crazy good at math and he especially loves statistics. One in every ten Awakened is female. When we're talking about natural espers like you and me that number goes up to one in every thirty. When we're talking about natural espers that are even close to being on you and your family's level then that number…it's even harder to calculate. Your sister is a miracle…and that's why I'm sure that your dad is probably obsessing right now over what esper she should marry. You….you're rare, very rare, but your dad is not a moron. He knows that you're most likely going to end up falling in love with a normal girl and he's most likely made his peace with that….but I doubt that he will ever make his peace with his own son having those same feelings for another boy." Said Fukuda
"But….I don't….have those same feelings….for Emmy. I don't…love her like I love…someone else." Said Sho. He was not going to say his name. If he said his name then…then he didn't know. Shimazaki had a sixth…or seventh…or fifth….or whatever sense for when people were saying his name. For when they were talking about him. Sho…he was in love with Shimazaki and…and he had to stop being in love with Shimazaki but also….also he had to figure out how to be in love with Emmy….but he had no idea if he even could be in love with Emmy….
"Sho…that's….another pragmatic choice you're going to have to make." Said Fukuda. He wasn't ten, he was forty four, and he knew what he would have done as a grown forty four year old man if he had been in Sho's shoes. He would have just carried on with this girl like normal because…well Suzuki was Suzuki and he would never allowed Sho to be himself…and Sho got on with this girl. She was very sweet, if a bit odd, but then again so was Sho. It wasn't as though he'd have to see her for long periods of time, even now they moved constantly and it would only get worse as time went on and Suzuki…well maybe he would still give the world to Sho….and Sho wouldn't have to see his wife, when she became his wife, very often. Suzuki hadn't….and Sho wouldn't have to either…and as far as having children went science had advanced in leaps and bounds since he had been a born….
There were pragmatic choices to be made.
Even if they wouldn't be entirely fair to the girl. Even if she would be taken care of and…well in whatever new world Suzuki was thinking up that might have been the best that could happen to her. She would have ended up trapped in a house with children and a husband that never saw her and…and Sho maybe should make sure to get blood tests done for all of his kids…but that life was better for the both of them then whatever life Suzuki would have let Sho have if he knew what his Son really was.
Life was a series of pragmatic choices.
"I don't get it." Said Sho. He didn't get why he had to be…why he had to make those kinds of choices in the first place. What he had done, besides be born a Suzuki, that meant that he couldn't just be….that he couldn't make the choice that made him the happiest. Why did he have to pick the choice that was the least terrible and not the very best? Why did any of…of this…have to happen to him?
"Sho…this girl loves you and you can make her happy. You must like her at least a little so…so why not just carry on the way you've been carrying on?" asked Fukuda. This was….he knew what this was, he had a feeling that it wouldn't end well, but then again history didn't always have to repeat its self…right? He would have had Sho trapped in a loveless marriage rather than…the worst that Suzuki could do to a person.
"Because…I'm not going to break up with her but…but I just….I'm not in love with her and…and when I kiss her it doesn't even feel like anything and….and I know that's it's supposed to feel good but…but when I kiss her it's like…..like nothing. Nothing like what it's supposed to be like…and I don't know if I can ever even feel that way about her or about…about any girl at all." Said Sho. He never thought about girls, not in the way that he thought about boys, and that…was worse than liking both boys and girls. He didn't know what was with him, why he had been born this way, and why….why he couldn't just like a girl. Any girl. He knew from the books and also from Shimazaki that people could like whoever they wanted to…but then why couldn't Sho like who he wanted to like? Why did he have to be like…like this? He knew that there were people in the world like this but…but why did he have to be one of them? What? Was his life not hard enough as it was or….or whatever? He didn't know but he did…he did know that….that….he knew enough to know that he didn't know anything at all.
"Oh. Well that's…that's not everything. It's not about kissing and other…physical things. It's about…you making her happy. You make her happy and she's happy with you so why not just keep on making her happy? If you don't think that you can feel this way about any girl then why mess with a good thing? Your father knows about her, she likes you, and you like her at least a little bit. You don't have to see her every day, even when you get married, and….as long as you keep her happy then…then that's what matters." Said Fukuda. He did not want to think about Sho in that state of affairs with anyone but…but there was more to it than that. So much more and….and maybe that was a talk for another day. This talk…this talk was already taking it out of him.
"I know. Dad already told me how it goes. You meet your most perfect person and then you marry her and build a great big house for her to live in and then you buy her stuff and give her lots of money because a man's job is to provide for a woman and then when she sees how you can provide for her then she has your babies and then you're a family. I know…and I know that I'm going to be busy running the world but…but if I'm going to have to grow up and get married then…then I want…I don't want to leave her all alone. I think that…that mom might have missed dad a lot…like me and big sis missed him when we were little and….and I don't want my wife or my kids to miss me but…but I don't want to lie to them either." Said Sho
"Well that's going to end up being another pragmatic choice. Life….life is full of them. You're going to get older and the older you…you're going to have to make more and more of them. There are…there are going to be bridges that you're going to have to cross…and bridges that you won't even know that you've crossed until they're crossed and…and that's life. That's life and…and I know that…that you're going to make a lot of choices and…and no matter what those choices are…no matter where life takes you…remember that I love you and that I always, always, always am going to understand…and forgive you…like I hope that you'll forgive me." Said Fukuda
"Yeah, yeah, yeah….I forgive you….now let me draw." Said Sho. He pulled his sketchbook back onto his lap. He knew that Fukuda was happy, he knew that Fukuda was smiling, and he just…he forgave him. He knew that…he knew that Fukuda had still betrayed him but…but this was one of those pragmatic choices that Fukuda had been talking about. Sho could either stay mad at Fukuda for the rest of his life and…and lose someone who cared about him as…as Sho. Not as Suzuki Sho, son of Suzuki Touichirou, but as Sho…Sho the person. Sure Fukuda might have been a grumpy dick hole but….but he cared about Sho and…and Sho had a choice. Either he could lose Fukuda or he could…could forgive him….
He decided to forgive him.
Even if he was a traitor and a dick hole….Sho knew what he did what he did. He had been trying to keep him and Shimazaki safe and Sho…he should not have felt that way about Shimazaki to begin with and…and now he would have to figure out how to fall out of love with him and…and that was another pragmatic choice and…and he would have to marry Emmy and…and that was an easier choice because, well, he could be nice to her and take care of her and she was a good friend and kissing her wasn't that bad…and it was like Fukuda said…life was a series of pragmatic choices….and that was ok because….well….it was ok.
It was kind of a bumpy ride, though rough and long but…well it could have been worse, Sho supposed. There was always something worse.