Baby sis needed a lot of naps.
Sho…he could wait. He would wait for her to get up. He could wait for her to wake up and then they would be able to play and draw just like old times. He had gotten her even more crayons…even though she had a bucket of them already. They were in her drawing corner. The living room had changed since he had last been there. She had a tiny table, now, with crayons and paper and a tiny easel with her tiny baby scribbles on it. She had a bunch of dolls, too, and she had drawn on them with markers. She liked to draw.
Maybe they could draw together after her nap.
They would draw…well they would scribble…and it would be fun. He could maybe even teach her how to draw something other than scribbles. He could teach her how to make shapes and stuff. If Shimazaki could draw then baby sis could too. Or maybe not because she was so much smaller than he was….and also he hadn't thought about how little her hands were. She had a whole clear bucket full of baby crayons, the big kind he had used back when he had been in preschool, and the ones that he got were the normal ones. They were normal sized crayons and she had normal, for a baby sized, hands and she would probably end up hating him for bringing her crayons that were too small…or having had been away from him for so long….or maybe she had just forgotten about him all together and….
And he didn't know.
All he knew was that he was sitting there in her living room waiting for her mom to wake her up and get her. She had to be in a schedule because she was just a baby and needed a lot of sleep and stuff. Sho didn't take naps, even if he was tired, but she was a whole different person. She needed a nap and…and she was probably going to be hungry and cranky when she woke up...unless she had changed. She had always been hungry and cranky when she woke up back when he and big sis had been in charge of taking care of her…and he loved her so much…and if she had changed that was ok too. People changed. She might…
She might have been totally different.
She could talk now. Well she had said his name before he left and…and maybe she had learned some other words too. He didn't know. All he knew was that….was that he could finally see her again. He hadn't seen her in so long…and now she was one and a half…and she might have been able to have actual conversations with him…and she might have been ready to tell him off…and he deserved to be told off. He had left her all alone…well not alone she had her mom…but he had left her here and he had gone and…and he was no kind of big brother to her…
He'd made a pragmatic choice.
But she was too young to understand about those. Even Sho, at almost eleven years old, could not understand those. Not all the way. They were choices where you weren't picking out the best outcome, just the least terrible one, and the least terrible outcome for baby sis was him leaving her here. She had a mom who loved her and she didn't have to be a part of his family. He and big sis would have loved her like she was their own straight from mom's stomach baby sister. He and big sis would have taken the best care of her, the best care that anyone could have ever taken of a baby, if she had been able to stay. But she couldn't stay. If she had stayed with them, if dad had adopted her, then she would have had to have dealt with dad for her whole life…and he didn't want that. Dad…he sucked. He was a dick hole that sucked other dick holes and baby sis did not need him in her life.
So Sho…he'd had a pragmatic choice to make.
He could have kicked Fukuda's ass and told him to tell dad to go fuck himself. He could have taken baby sis and told Fukuda that she was his sister and that if anyone wanted to take her away then they would have had to go through him. He could have…he could have done a lot of things and she would have stayed with them but also…but also she would have had to deal with dad and he would never have made her go through something like that.
Pragmatic choices sucked.
He wished that he could have just…not ever had any choices to make in his whole life. He had felt like that, before, when he had been little and dad had told him that one day he would inherit the whole world. He had felt like his whole life had been laid out in front of him and that there had been nowhere to go or nothing to do but…but follow dad. But he had been wrong. There were a lot of choices to make. He had to choose…what was best….what was the least terrible. That meant letting baby sis go. That meant keeping secrets from big sis. That meant marrying Emmy one day even though he didn't even think that he wanted to be her boyfriend…and if some guy did this to either of his sisters then Sho would kick his ass with one foot, wait until that foot got tired, and then use the other foot until either he ran out of foot or the other guy ran out of ass….
He really hated pragmatic choices.
Whenever he visited big sis he also visited Emmy…and he didn't want to. She'd say something like 'you're a booger and I missed you' and then she would tell him that she was only fooling and that he was brilliant and then…well it was fun to hang out with her….but also she was in love with him and…he didn't like lying to her. He didn't like secrets and lies and also he felt like sort of a jerk because he was only pretending to love her…and if someone treated either of his sisters like that then he would kick that guy's ass…so maybe he should have just kicked his own ass….but he wasn't that flexible and also he had promised big sis that he would never hurt himself again….
So he wouldn't.
He wouldn't kick his own ass even though he felt like he deserved it. Maybe baby sis would kick his ass. She hit a lot. She had little baby sister fists and she knew how to use them. She hit him when she was happy or sad or mad or just sometimes she seemed to just….feel like hitting…and he would have to teach her not to hit. He would have to teach her not to hit and how to play nice with people and be nice to them and…and he would have to teach her all the things that big brother was supposed to teach his sister….but he just didn't have the time…but he…he would….he would do his best. He had to do his best. He knew that he didn't have a lot of time, he honestly had no clue how much time he even had with her this time, but he would…he would make the most of this time that they had together.
He heard her door open.
He sat up straighter. He heard her door opening and he felt her aura and…and she was…he could hear her running. He heard her little baby feet hitting the floor and…and then he heard her fall down. He wanted to get up there and help her…he wanted to glue cushions to her so she couldn't hurt herself…but it felt like someone had already glued him to this couch cushion. He couldn't get up. He couldn't even move. He just….he didn't know what to do. He was showing up out of the blue like this…and she would be so mad at him and…and…
And….
"Sho!" shouted baby sis as she rattled on her baby gate. The whole living room was still behind bars so that she couldn't escape into the house and hurt herself. She liked to explore but the house was dangerous. She could stick her finger into the sockets…or she could drown in the bathtub…or she could find her mom's phone and order poison…or something. He didn't know all the ways that she could hurt herself but he did know that she was just a baby and as unfair as this baby cage was it was necessary because if she got hurt or died then…
Then he wouldn't have a baby anymore…and he would never be able to hear her call him Sho again….and he didn't know what he would do if he never heard his baby sister calling him Sho ever again….
"Yup, there's Sho on the couch waiting for you. Hang on, Mukai, let me do it before you hurt yourself." Said Mukai's mom before she undid the latch. Baby sis barely waited until the tiny gate was opened. She just ran in…she could run fast these days…and wrapped her arms around his legs. She was bigger now…a lot bigger. She had longer hair now…and she had a headband with a bow…and she was taller…and she was pulling on him now…and….and she was there and….
And he couldn't breathe.
"Sho! Sho here!" said baby sis. She could make words now…she had another word…and she…she could say his name and…and she remembered him and….and he could see her aura. Her aura was touching his and she was hugging him…no she was pulling on him….she was pulling on him and he didn't know what to do…he loved her. He loved her and…and there were so many things that he wanted to say to her. He wanted to tell her that he was so sorry for having been away for so long. He wanted to tell her that he was so sorry that he had missed out on most of summer. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry about the one time when she had lived with him and he had almost dropped her while he had been carrying her and she had gotten really scared….
There were a lot of things that he wanted to say to her…but he just…he didn't have time and…and it just felt like…like there just…wasn't enough time…in the world…and stuff…
"Yeah…I'm here…and I'm sorry that…that I haven't been here to visit you in a while…but I'm here now and…and I got up a bunch of crayons….and we can draw…." Said Sho. She was still pulling on his legs and…and he needed to figure out how he was going to get up off this couch. He had to get up and he had to…to be with her….but he just….his arms were weak and his legs were weak and…and she had grown so much and…and she remembered him and…
"Sho! Here! Sho here!" said baby sis as she tugged on him. She was happy to see him. She was happy that he was here. He was…he was happy that she was happy. He hadn't imagined that she would be this happy but…but she was. She was happy and he was happy and…and he would try his best to get up…
"She wants you to go to where she is. That's what 'here' means. Doesn't it, Mukai? Doesn't it?" asked Mukai's mom. Sho nodded. Right. That made sense. Baby sis knew words but….but she didn't know sentences yet…because she was just a baby. She was just a baby and…and the next time that he saw her she might have grown into a little kid….like he had been a little kid…and he just…he wanted…he wished that he had spent more time with her as a baby…but he could spend time with her now as a baby and….and that was what mattered. They could spend time together now.
"Look out….I'm coming down now." Said Sho. He lowered himself down slowly. She may have gotten bigger but she was still just a baby. She hit him as he came down, they were her happy hits, and he loved her happy hits. He even loved her angry hits. He loved her. He loved her the most out of all the other babies that he knew…well that he would have known….if he hung out regularly with babies. He loved her so much and…and he wished that they could have been babies together so they could have been friends….
But they were friends now…that was what mattered.
"Sho! Sho here! Sho!" said baby sis. She was slapping him on both cheeks now….and he let her. She was so happy. When she stood up, and he sat down, they were the same height. She was so much taller now…she still drooled, though. There was drool all over the front of her shirt. This one said 'The One and Only' and it…was a good shirt. Because she was the one and only. She was his one and only baby sis.
"Mukai, no hitting." Said her mom. She reached over and handed Mukai a sippy cup full of what looked like apple juice…and she had sippy cups now and not bottles…and she had lots of teeth, too. She had teeth and…and she could talk and…and she was so much older and…..and he just…
He had missed out on so much in her short little life….
"Sho! Sho juice!" said baby sis. She was trying to put her sippy cup in his mouth now…and he took it from her. He was happy that she was sharing with him, sharing was caring after all like he had learned in preschool, but they weren't really brother and sister. They couldn't just share germs like that. Only brothers and sisters could share germs…or people who kissed…but that would have been a weird way to think about baby sis. He was not going to share germs with her.
"No. Here. Mukai, you can have the juice. See? I can hold it for you and-" said Sho as he held the little pink sippy cup up to her mouth. She slapped it out of his hands and now…well now her aura felt mad. He had no idea what he had done to make her mad. He had held her bottle for her so many times before…and he had fed her the baby mush she liked…and he was her big brother….
Pretend big brother.
A real big brother would not have left her for months and months. A real big brother would have been there for her when she needed it. A real big brother would have been there for not just her first word but her second and third and fourth and fifth and however many new words she knew. A good big brother would have been there to teach her how to talk and how not to hit and….and a good big brother….would not have let someone take her away from him…
No wonder she was pissed off. He would have been pissed off too if he'd had a big brother like him.
"I do! I do!" shouted baby sis. Her mom laughed and took the sippy cup from his hands. She put it down in front of Mukai. She took the sippy cup, turned her back to him, and started drinking. Every so often she would turn around and look at him. One time he made the mistake of getting closer to her but she just scooted away. Sho…he hadn't meant to hurt her feelings…but he had. He didn't know what to do besides sit and watch her drink her juice…so that was what he did. He watched her drink her juice until it was all gone. Then she took her sippy cup, carried it over to her baby gate, and threw it back into the kitchen. Sho caught it with his powers and put brought it back to baby sis. She grabbed it in her hands and threw it again.
Her mom did the mom sigh.
Sho almost dropped baby sis's sippy cup when he heard it. For a minute he thought that he had been there in his own old house with his own mom. She used to sigh like that, sometimes, when Sho would run around and throw things or climb on the furniture or that one time he and big sis brought dirt from the garden inside because it was raining and they had found all of those worms…and stuff. He knew that sigh. That was the tired and annoyed mom sigh and…and he hadn't heard it in a while…
He let baby sis throw the sippy cup.
That time her mom caught it. She caught it and put it in the sink. Baby sis started to point…and her aura was getting all pointy now. All pointy and it was flaring and she wanted to play some more…but he didn't want to make her mom upset. If he made her mom upset then he would end up kicked out or something…and he didn't want that. He could never want that. He crawled over to her and picked up one of her dolls. She took it from his hands and then threw it. Sho caught it before it hit the floor.
"Sho do! Sho do!" said big sis. She laughed and clapped and….and her little baby laughs and her little baby claps were the best sounds that he had ever heard in his entire life. He love her so much and he just wanted her to be happy and…and she as he best and…and also her mom didn't really seem to like them throwing things…
So he decided that maybe they should do something else.
"Hey baby sis….I know that it's been a while but…but do you want to draw something? I have crayons. You want to go to the table? Do you?" asked Sho. Baby sis laughed and then slapped him again. Her mom told her not to slap but he didn't mind. She was his sister and if she wanted to slap him then she got to slap him. He just wanted to be there with her and…and he loved her so much and….
And the longer he was there the more he just…expected to have to leave.
He had barely been there, in her apartment, in her living room, in this city…this Division. Fukuda had said that this would be a very short visit, it had to be, and Sho…he kept on expecting Fukuda to be there at the door ready to tell him that he had to leave now. Ready to tell him that they had to go home and…and that they had to leave before people got suspicious. He wasn't supposed to be here…and it wasn't fair…
But that was just the way that things had to be.
He was here now and he tried to tell himself that he needed to be present in the moment with her, with his baby sis, because he had no idea when these moments would come again. He decided that he was going to treasure every moment of this, even when she slapped him with her little baby hands, and he was going to enjoy every moment of this, too. She was such a good baby, and so smart too, she went right to her little baby table and sat down in her little baby chair just because he asked her too…and he crawled over to her. Walking seemed wrong right now. He was a giant compared to her when he stood. She would have felt small if he stood up…
So he crawled.
He crawled on the ground like he was the baby, not her. He had to crawl even though she could walk now. He couldn't be taller than her. He crawled over to his backpack and took out his sketchbook, the one with her last round of little baby scribbles in it, and his brand new box of ninety six colored crayons. He crawled as best as he could with everything in his hands. He crawled until he was sitting right there in front of her little baby table.
It was colored pink and had scribbles all over it.
This side of the room was all scribbles. The table, the walls, the easel, even her little baby chair. She was like a graffiti artist…and maybe when she got older they could be graffiti artists together. They could draw on all the walls…and they could draw whatever she wanted…and they could use spray paint too. He had never used spray paint…or done that kind of art…but he could learn. If that was the kind of art she wound up being into.
But right now it seemed like she was mostly into abstracting.
"Sho draw! Sho draw! Sho draw now!" shouted baby sis as she scribbled on the piece of paper in front of her. She had this sort of wheel…thing…that she could tug more paper off of when she needed it. Sort of like a paper towel roll…and he should have gotten her more paper towel rolls. She loved those. She had…she had some that she had colored on…they were on the ground. She was a good colorer…a good artist….the best artist that he had ever seen!
And if anyone thought different then he would just have to kick their ass. Simple.
"Wow you can do three words…and you can draw, too. I like your drawings, your scribbles, they're very good. You're a good artist…the best artist ever…and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, ok? Don't ever let anyone ever make you feel bad about yourself for any reason at all…you got it?" asked Sho. He had to tell her that, maybe she would remember and maybe she wouldn't, but he had to tell her. He had to…to tell her so much and…and he had no idea how he could…..or if she was even listening….
She was poking him in the eye.
She was trying to poke his eye out with her fat little baby crayon….and she was laughing….and maybe they should have watched fewer scary movies when she had been living with him. He didn't much want her to poke his eyes out but he did want her to be happy. So if poking his eyes out would make her happy then…then Shimazaki could teach him braille.
"Sho! Sho! Sho!" shouted baby sis. Now she was trying to draw on his face…and he let her. He would rather have had her draw on his face than poke his eyes out. He needed his eyes for things and braille looked complicated as fuck…as f-word. Right. Baby sis didn't need to learn how to curse yet and she might have been able to read minds. She was an esper, she had a little baby aura, but he had never seen her powers. He had no idea what it was that she could do…so on the off chance that she could read minds he didn't want to accidentally add the f-word to her vocabulary. Her mom would never have let him come back if he taught her that word…
And he wanted to come back.
He took out a neon pink crayon, she seemed to like pink, and he drew a circle on her paper with his powers. She stopped drawing on him and started chasing his neon pink one with her dark blue one. She laughed, her aura felt happy, and if she was happy then he was happy. He had no reason to be unhappy.
Baby sis had woken up from her nap and they were together. He knew he would have to leave soon but…but hopefully not before her next nap.