Dad could be a very frustrating person sometimes.
But that was ok because Mob loved her dad very much. She loved him and so what if he veer liked anything? He was still her dad…and also he did like things. So, really, it was more like he was just afraid to admit that he liked things. Like the pin she got him at the comics market…or any of the stuff that she had gotten at the comics market. He didn't seem to like anything….but he must have. She knew him. She knew that someone who didn't like the Galaxy Express wouldn't have watched the whole series seven times…and probably more than that, too, since he was so much older than her. She just did not get him sometimes…and it was frustrating….and it made her stomach hurt.
Just a little though, not a lot, so that was ok.
That little could maybe turn into a lot, though, because he just….wouldn't admit to liking…anything. He always just said that whatever she had was nice and…and she liked that he thought that it was nice but…but also she just…wanted him to admit that he liked things. She knew him…well as much as she could know him…and she knew that he liked things. That was how he and Hatori had gotten to be such good friends. They both liked games…even though dad tried to say that he only liked games for work reasons like he was keeping himself sharp….and stuff….but she knew that he liked games and she knew that…that he could like things and….
And he was afraid, or something, of admitting that he liked things. Even something as simple as a pin.
"Dad, come on. You like it. It's Maetel. She's your favorite." Said Mob as she held out the pin she had gotten for free. She and dad were at the dinner table, their dishes were in the sink, and the room smelled like pizza. She had just gotten them pizza, she had been too tired to cook, and she had even gotten all the toppings and cheese. Sometimes he liked toppings and sometimes he didn't….but he always liked ketchup and he had dipped his pizza in it even though pizza already had tomato sauce on it and that was better than ketchup….
And he hadn't even wanted to admit that he liked ketchup…when she had even seen him drinking it once!
"I never said that she was my favorite." Said Suzuki. Truth be told Maetel was not only his favorite character but also his first love…and he didn't even like admitting that to himself let alone his own Daughter. He hadn't known any actual girls back when he had developed feelings for her, too many hormones and too few interactions with the opposite sex, but now he was a grown man and he didn't really have a favorite character and…and he only watched that show for Daughter's sake…and obviously she really enjoyed it…so maybe they could do another viewing.
After all, when Son was gone every day felt like a Sunday.
She'd had a good time at comiket, he was glad, and she had taken the time after dinner to show him all of her purchases. She had spent a small fortune…but so had he when he had gone. He had been older than her but not by much…and it had been very hot and crowded…and he had not enjoyed himself all that much but she had. She had bought everything, it seemed, and he knew how women liked to shop. It was an extension of the nesting instinct. Well he was happy to provide her the means to purchase whatever she wanted….but he did not need to share in her bounty.
He was a grown man after all and much too old for all of this.
"You said that she was the best character on the show." Said Mob. She had been paying attention when dad first explained the characters to her. She knew that Maetel was his favorite. It was her and then Emeraldas. Also he liked Tetsuro and Cunt Mecha too but not as much. He only thought that Harlock was ok even though, in Mob's opinion, he and Tetsuro were the best…but that was ok. They could like different things…just so long as dad admitted, for once, that he actually liked something. That was all she wanted and…and she didn't know why this was making her so angry…but it was.
Well more frustrated than angry.
Dad…it wasn't hard to admit that he liked something. Not for a normal person but…but dad was weird. Even for espers he was weird and…and maybe he could have been happier if he just admitted that he liked things and then…she didn't know. Maybe part of her wished that she could go again tomorrow with him…or something. She didn't know. Maybe another part of her, the part that he been up late looking at his old notebook, wanted….wanted to know the boy in the notebook. Not the gross parts where he and Fukuda talked about which girls were cute and which ones they wanted to kiss, because nobody in the history of kids ever wanted to know things like that about their dad, but the parts where he had just been…a kid…who liked stuff…
Or maybe she was just being ridiculous…or something.
"Well she is. She's intelligent, compassionate, and just…well she's the best on the show and she puts up with a lot without ever once losing her temper." Said Suzuki. He had always admired that about Maetel. She never once lost her temper. That was a very difficult thing to manage. Also she had very nice eyes and long hair and…and other things that were best buried somewhere in the woods. Daughter did not need to know these things about him...and also he only still enjoyed…things like this…for her benefit.
So they could bond.
He had enjoyed the Galaxy Express when he had been a child. He was a grown man now and had more important things to do than watch the same laserdisc over and over and over again. Also they didn't even make those anymore…but the point still stood. He only liked these things so that he could better bond with her. That was the same reason he watched the ice queen with her…and he only watched the song when she built the castle because Daughter enjoyed it…and he only watched it once or twice in a row because it was her favorite. The same thing went for the movie with the long haired princess. He watched because she liked it and he played games with her because she liked them, and also Minecraft was good for….design reasons….and such. That was all.
He was a grown man and he had to act as a man did….and that meant putting away childish things.
"So…she's your favorite?" asked Mob. Honestly. Would it have killed dad to just…now she was being mean. She was being mean in her own mind but, still, she should not have been mean to him. She should have been nice to him. She loved her dad and when you loved someone then you were nice to them all the time….and stuff. Even when they were being very frustrating.
"Perhaps." Said Suzuki. If he could still have a favorite than Maetel would have been that character…if he could still have a favorite. She was still a child and she didn't have to put away her childish things yet. She never would, hopefully, because she would always be…well she would grow up but…but he hoped that she could somehow simultaneously be forever this young but also a grown woman. A grown woman with whom he could share his life with but also…also someone who still got excited over anime and manga and cheap trinkets. Someone who rushed through the door completely over encumbered with books and trinkets and other such things just jumping at the chance to show him what was important to her. Sort of like Masami but…more.
Masami had been very interested, at first, in showing him what she was interested in.
They must have watched at least a year's worth of her historical and manor house dramas. He must have visited the animal prison where she worked a thousand times. They had watched all of her favorite movies and listened to all of her favorite books in the beginning, back when Son was just a rapidly dividing cluster of cells, but then…at some point they had just…stopped that. Masami had accused him of being bored, but that wasn't new people had been accusing him of being bored since he had been a small boy, and also she had complained that their exchange only went one way. She had said, before, that it was like he had no interests….
He had interests. They were only very childish…but they did exist.
"Then at least take the pin. Come on, dad, pins are fun. See? I have a lot of them." Said Mob as she shook the front of her shirt. She had bought every single pin she saw. Well almost, anyway, there had been a booth full of pins of girls blushing and making funny faces but Hatori had told her that she was too young for those pins….and then he had bought her a Hello Kitty one and pinned it to her Elsa bag…and that had been nice. Because she liked pins….and him…and pins. Pins were fun and…and everyone liked pins….everyone.
Even dad.
She wished that he would have just taken it and pinned it to his suit coat and then…and then admitted to liking things. She knew that he liked things, he knew that he liked things, but he just…pretended that he didn't…and he didn't even have to pretend like that. That was the frustrating part…and she should not have been getting worked up because it made her stomach hurt…and stuff…and also…also she just…wished that dad would just admit to liking things. Then he could admit that he was sharing the things he loved with her and….
And when you loved someone you shared with them all the things that you loved.
"Yes they are, Daughter, for someone your age. You are eleven, I am forty four, but I appreciate the gesture. Now, would you like to watch the entirety of the Galaxy Express again? With your brother gone for the foreseeable future we can have some peaceful time together. Doesn't that sound wonderful?" asked Suzuki. He took her hand as he asked her. She had such tiny, soft hands. She had painted her fingernails again. This time they were pink. He liked them better blue. He liked them best yellow…but he knew better than to comment on a woman's appearance in any way that wasn't positive. She was beautiful no matter what she wore, anyway, even if she did look best in yellow.
Though she did look adorable completely adorned in pins.
Happy. She had been so happy to show each and every single one of those pins off to him. She was happy and…and he was happy that she was happy. She had a childlike joy to her that she had wanted to share with him…but he was much too old. He had been too old to enjoy what he enjoyed even when he had been a child. The other children had told him, often, that he was too old for…well the things he liked…or that the things he liked were socially unacceptable….like math…or collecting data on people to find averages…which was a kind of math…or that phase he had gone through when he had been obsessed with explaining existence through numbers….which was more math. No, his interests had never lined up socially with what he was supposed to like…even Fukuda had told him so back when they had been young….
But that didn't matter, now, he was forty four and had left such childish things behind long ago.
"OK….I guess…" said Mob. She looked down as dad held her hand. She just…why was she so frustrated with him tonight? She didn't know. She needed to smoke something, maybe, to feel better…and why did her stomach feel like this, too? Like she had eaten too much….no…this was different. Maybe she had just overdid it today…or something. She didn't know.
"What is it?" asked Suzuki. He let go of her hand and brushed a lock of her hair out of her face. She had worn it down again…and she had such beautiful hair…but he did miss her braids. She seemed younger with them….but he wanted her to grow up….but he also wanted her to stay the same. As she was now…well better than how she was now. Now she was just…her aura felt…not normal. She seemed…upset…but something….but he just could not begin to understand what it was that could have been upsetting her. She'd had a great time. She had even told him so and she did not tell him lies.
"Nothing." Said Mob as dad played with her hair. He liked her hair a lot. He played with it all the time when nobody else was around. He even played with it in his sleep. Sometimes she would wake up to him playing with her hair…or petting her head like she was a cat….and she didn't mind because it meant that dad loved her…but now…now she sort of wanted to bat his hand away and tell him to knock it off before he made knots…and she had no idea why she would ever have wanted to be so mean to her own father. She loved him….she loved him the most out of everyone….and stuff.
"No, I think that there is something wrong. People often say that there is nothing wrong when there is something wrong and I never understood that." Said Suzuki. Masami had done that to him. He hadn't liked it then and he didn't like it now. She used to tell him that nothing was wrong and, in the beginning, he had made the mistake of believing her…and then she had gotten mad at him later for not understanding that something, indeed, had been wrong….and he was not going down the road again. No way. Daughter was going to say what was on her mind even if they had to sit here in the kitchen listening to the hum of the refrigerator and looking at her pile of books and trinkets all night long.
"I just….wish that you would just admit it when you like something." Said Mob. She knew that dad needed people to say what they meant and they needed to mean what they said. He was bad at talking, worse at it than she was, so she had to make herself understood…even if she knew that dad would still be…dad…even if she wrote what she meant on the ceiling above his bed in permanent marker.
"I like you." Said Suzuki. She…thought that he didn't like her? But…that couldn't have been farther from the truth. He was her father, he loved her, and he had been saying it more and more just as she had asked him to. He had done everything that she had asked of him. He had been kinder to Son, he had given her more space, and he allowed her to smoke and drink even though he wished that he had the ability to tell her to stop…well he did…but he wanted her to be happy. He cared about her and her happiness…and he would have done anything for her and….and he loved her. But…but she had told him what the problem was…and not he could fix it. He hadn't been showing her enough love, obviously, but now…well now he would….but also he would be careful not to harm her development….but this was just…parenting was very hard sometimes. Relationships were hard. This was why he had never enjoyed forming them with people but…but he was going to make this work because…because he loved her more than anything.
And she had to know that.
"I know you do, dad, I know…and I like you too." Said Mob. She loved him and…and she didn't always like him. Like when he was mean to Sho…or when he acted like he didn't like things…like it was this big thing that he liked things…and also…well she loved him but she didn't like everything about him…and she had to like everything about him because he was her dad and…and you were supposed to love everything about your dad and….
And she really needed to smoke a joint…or her vape pen, actually, because it didn't smell as bad.
"There. As you can see I am perfectly capable of admitting to liking something. Now, please, come to bed." Said Suzuki. He just…he was tired and he wanted to relax before bed with her. They would watch television and he would hold her and then….well and then she would never question his feelings for her again. Ever. Because he loved her, he would never stop loving her, and if he could have built her some kind of non-cruel…well cage would have been the wrong word…some sort of dome where all of her needs would be tended to but she could never leave…if he could build such a thing, and it wouldn't have affected her negatively in any way, then he would have…but he had no idea how he would go about doing that so it would go in the half formed ideas folder.
"But you won't admit that you like Galaxy Express." Said Mob. Why was it easier for him to say that he loved her, a human being, but not a show that he had seen more times than she even knew? He was so frustrating and tiresome…but he was her dad and she loved him…but he could also be very frustrating and tiresome sometimes….
"I…found it enjoyable when I was young…but I am not young anymore…" said Suzuki. He was not a child anymore and even as a child the other children had been…well he was President Suzuki now and he didn't have to worry about what others thought but….but he also did and…and he just…he loved her and that was what mattered. As long as she knew that he loved her then…then everything would have been…it all would have been alright.
"So? That doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how old you are, dad, you can still like things…and I wish that you would admit that." Said Mob. She was just….she knew what dad meant when he said that everyone and everything was tiresome and…and she didn't know where this bad mood had come from. She just…maybe if she smoked…and also changed. She was so sweaty from today…she was sweaty in places that she had never even known that she could sweat from…and she wished that the comics market had some kind of air-conditioning since Tokyo in August was so, incredibly, unbelievably hot…and she was so sweaty and tired…..
"But…why?" asked Suzuki. He didn't know why this was so important to her…or why it had been so important to Masami and maybe he just didn't understand women. Yes. That would have made sense. They were very complicated people, women, the most complicated people that he had ever met…and Daughter wasn't even a woman yet. Well she was a very talented homemaker, she was very responsible, and she was good company…but she was only eleven and he had no idea when she would officially become a woman but he felt like eleven might have been a little young…and he so wished that Masami had taken the time to explain when he would be able to tell that Daughter had finished growing up….well that and about a thousand other things.
"I don't know I just feel like…sometimes I get frustrated by you…and stuff…." Said Mob. She knew that it was mean…but she had been about to tell him that he was tiresome and that was even meaner…and he should have known. He told Sho that he was tiresome all the time even though she had told him time and time again that he had to be nice to Sho….and he was just so…frustrating and tiresome and…and she knew what he had been like since she had been old enough to know that her dad could be very mean a lot of the time but also….also she just…
She did not feel good right now.
"I…frustrate you?" asked Suzuki. No…he hadn't set out to do that and…and she was unhappy with him. She was unhappy with him and…and he had to fix this. He had to make this right. She could not be…she could not be unhappy with him because….because he loved her and….and if she was unhappy with him then she would want to leave him and he had no idea what he would do if his Daughter ever wanted to leave him….because he loved her and….and if she left then…she loved him and….and if she left then he would be all alone…
He would wake up and she would be gone.
But he could not allow that to happen. Not again. He was not going to find himself alone in the world again…it shouldn't have mattered if he found himself alone in the world because he was a full and complete person on his own but….but he still….he wanted her near him at all times because….because she was the most perfect person that he had ever met in his life…so therefore it was not a sign of weakness to….to want his most perfect person to be near him.
"A little bit." Said Mob softly. Dad let go of her hair. He looked at her. She looked back at him. His eyes were very blue. She wondered if hers did that. Sho's did the thing where his pupils shrank down to nothing…and he had blue eyes so it was easy to tell…but Mob's were brown, almost black, and she had no idea…she didn't think that they were like that…and she decided to stick to looking at auras. Dad's was….bothered…and she knew that hers was annoyed…and she needed to smoke. They both did. Maybe dad would have been a lot nicer if he smoked a lot more. Or even a little more.
"That…was not my intention. I would never want to cause you any sort of distress. I love you, Daughter, I love you more than I can ever express." Said Suzuki. There. Now she would understand. He had searched his vocabulary, in every language he knew, but he could not find words that even came close to expressing the depths of his feelings for her. She was so…perfect. His Daughter was so perfect. She may not have been his by blood but she was still so….so very perfect.
"Thanks…but I just wish that you would admit to liking other things besides me. Sometimes I worry that you think that…that someone will think badly about you…or make fun of you…and that's why you pretend that you only like things for…for reasons other than you liking them. Like…for work…and stuff. Like how you play Minecraft all the time and you say that it's for work. I just…wish that you would just say when you liked something. That's all, dad." Said Mob. There. She had said what she had meant and she had meant what she had said and then dad….dad would be able to understand her…and everything would be ok between them and she could stop feeling so…well how she felt now…now.
"I…like you. I like you and I would never want to frustrate you and….and if you are upset that was not my intention….and I would very much like it if you came to bed and then we watched television…and it doesn't have to be the Galaxy Express. We can watch the ice queen movie or the one about the princess with the long hair or the French with the living furniture or…or even the one about the princess with the…rodents…who sew. It's your choice but please….join me." Said Suzuki. There. He had said what he had meant and he had meant what he had said. She would not have had any way to misunderstand him. Now they could get on with their very pleasant, Son free, night. He knew that he was supposed to restrict their time together only to Sundays, as Fukuda had said, but…well Fukuda was away. Now it was just him and his Daughter…and it was so perfect…and it could be even more perfect…if that was even possible.
"We can watch Galaxy Express….and can I vape in bed?" asked Mob. She needed to smoke, and she would have wanted to smoke a joint, but dad hated smoking in the house and she knew that joints smelled even stronger than cigarettes and she just…did not want to get into a fight with him…and stuff. Not that they ever fought or anything but….well she just did not want to get into it with him in any way. He was still her dad and as much as he loved her he still had the power to tell her that she wasn't allowed to smoke ever again anymore ever for any reason…and she didn't think that she could deal with that.
"Do you…have to?" asked Suzuki. He hated it when she smoked…and vaped….well he didn't much understand what vaping was exactly but he knew that he hated it. He hated the smell and he hated…well he had tried it once and he had hated the way that it had made him feel and…and he wasn't going to alienate her but…but he didn't want her to vape in their bedroom either.
"Yes." said Mob. She had to. She was in a bad mood, she was hot and tired, and she needed to vape. A fun vape. She needed hash oil, not the boring stuff, but what she really needed was a joint. Well a joint and a drink but Minegishi had told her before that it was one or the other and she didn't want to make them mad. She didn't want to make dad mad, either, but she just…he had asked her if this was something that she had to do and she had told the truth. What was she supposed to do? Lie to her own dad? Well she did not tell lies and especially not to her own dad who she loved and cared for very much.
"Alright but….nothing. Do as you wish. I supposed that…that I can put up with that." said Suzuki. He loved her and when you loved someone then you put up with all the things that they did….including vaping something that smelled absolutely terrible. Like the time he and Fukuda had found that skunk mixed with the time that they had been trying to make their own orange juice since the juice at the store was much too sweet. Citrus and skunk. Not a good combination. He would have taken her smoking an entire carton of cigarettes in their bed than her vaping…but he loved her and when you loved someone you put up with everything that they did…
Even vaping.
"I'll be in your room in a minute. I just have to change." Said Mob. Well at least she would be able to vape…and get out of these clothes. She left the kitchen and carried all of her things behind her with her powers. As she walked she attached the button to the front of her dress, the one that she had gotten for dad, since he didn't want it….and she supposed that it would have looked out of place on him…but still. She just wished…well she was done wishing. Now all she wanted to do was change and vape and watch TV with her dad. That was all. She would take a bath tomorrow, and also some laundry, and she would take off all of the pins tomorrow since they probably wouldn't have survived the washing machine…and also she would find a better home for all of her new stuff than a pile on the floor in front of Sho's bed…and also she would just…well she didn't know what else she would do tomorrow….see how everyone was enjoying their stuff that she had had gotten them maybe…but right now she had to change…
Because she was very sweaty.
She had been wearing a heavy winter dress and she had sweated through it. She had sweated through her dress and her undershirt and her socks and her underwear too….and that was new….well not new for her lately. She didn't know why that had been happening, it wasn't like she spent a lot of time outside in the sun, but she did know that she had just been all…sticky…there lately and it must have been sweat since it wasn't…alone time…stuff…and it was gross but…well bodies could be gross sometimes. Mob didn't know why her body had gotten so….like this….and she couldn't ask anyone even Minegishi…since this weird stickiness had started after alone time stuff and if she wanted to ask about this then she would have to talk about the alone time stuff….and nobody could know about that ever for any reason….so she would just…bear with the stickiness. It was probably just sweat. Even sweating had been gross lately. She had started smelling terrible for no reason. Thankfully dad never noticed when she used his deodorant. Yeah. This was probably just sweat and….and she needed a bath…
She really needed a bath….
A bath would have been the best…but just a regular one and not an alone time one…even though…well she had been spending the whole day with Hatori…but she was not going to think about this. Not when dad was waiting in his room for her to hang out with him and watch TV and have their time together. Even though it wasn't Sunday…but dad loved her…and as frustrating as he was she loved him….and she had already said that they would hang out together…and she wasn't going to lie to him….
Even though she really needed to take a bath.
But dad wanted to hang out with her and he had given her permission to vape in the room…and that was a lot. Dad hated it when she vaped, he had said that he hated the way it smelled, so him letting her do this in the room was a big thing. He loved her. He frustrated her but he loved her.
Dad could be frustrating sometimes….but that didn't mean that she didn't love him too.