Sho was a good babysitter.
Well he was trying to be, anyway. He was trying his best to be the best babysitter that there had ever been. Baby sis had been trusted to him. Baby sis had been fed, changed, and her sippy cup was full of juice. Sho just had to watch her for an hour…and he could do that. He could do that and he was going to do that and he was doing that right now! He could do this! Not that there was anything to do, not really. Just….well he was making sure that she didn't hurt herself. Babies were always hurting themselves. They were always touching things that they weren't supposed to, climbing on things that they weren't supposed to, and also baby sis sometimes tried to eat her crayons and that was bad because she could choke. The crayons also said that they were nontoxic but…well eating crayons couldn't have been good for her.
And Sho was supposed to be taking care of her.
"I do! I do!" shouted baby sis with a purple crayon in her mouth. That was one of her giant baby crayons. She had to use the giant baby crayons, his were too thin and she dropped them all the time, even though she had trouble with…well everything. Those crayons were bad for shading and…well pretty much everything but drawing shapes and scribbles….
And all she could draw were scribbles.
But not with a crayon in her mouth. He reached over and tried to take the crayon from her mouth. It was covered in her baby drool…and it had bite marks in it….but he still took it. He reached over with his hand and took it out of her mouth….but maybe he should have just used his powers…and also maybe for the rest of their time together he should have made sure to keep his hands away from her mouth…
Because she had sharp teeth.
"Baby sis, no. No biting. It's not nice." Said Sho as he pulled his hand away from her mouth. She hadn't bit him so hard that he bled but he did have little imprints of her little baby teeth in the skin of his finger now. He knew that he was going to be ok. She was strong but not strong enough to actually hurt him…and if she did then Fukuda could have just fixed him right up. He could just use his powers and make Sho good as new…if he had been hurt. This was just…well it looked like she had been trying to do a watch…
That was what mom had called it when he bit her.
He remembered that he had been little, very little, like three….yeah, he had been three. He remembered because he had still slept in the bed with the rails on the side. Mom had been leaning over to tuck him in and then he had bit her and…and then big sis had told him not to…and then mom had said….she had said…..she had said…..'if I had wanted a watch I would have gotten one from my jewelry box' and then…and then she had kissed him on the head and told him not to bite but….well he had bitten her again…and he felt bad, now, that he had had bitten his mom. He hadn't known it then but he had only gotten six years with her…and he had already wasted three of those years by being too little to remember her…and he'd only had three years left and he had chosen to spend his time biting her…
He had no idea how much time baby sis and him had left.
He had no idea when he would have to go again. He could have had to go tomorrow, or a week from now, or a month….well not a month. This was a short trip. Fukuda had told him that this would have to be a short trip but also…also he had said that maybe more trips could happen. They were in Japan, now, and Fukuda said that dad always dug his feet in while they were in Japan because he liked to be home. Even though he wasn't home. Their home was the Castle, but that was not where they were now, and also dad's original home was Seasoning City. This was where he was from so, if anything, Sho was more home than dad was. He wondered why dad never came here if he liked being in Japan so much. This was where he was from. This was his home….
And also his home was very close to baby sis's home.
He had no clue how long they would have together. He knew that…that he loved her but also…also he knew that he was not allowed to be with her. He was not allowed to be here and he was not allowed to know her….but he did know her. He knew her, she knew him, and they both knew each other…and they cared about each other…and they were pretend brother and sister…and now maybe he could pretend that they were real brother and sister. It was easier when it was just the two of them like this, sitting and drawing, and playing with her toys…and stuff. Even if she was biting him. He didn't know if he would disappear from her life…or when…but he did know that he wanted to make every second that they had together count. He'd only gotten six years with his mom…and he had no idea how much time he had with his baby sis….
But if she wanted to bite him then….then that was ok, too, because…well because he loved her.
"I do! I do!" said baby sis. She was reaching for him and kicking her little baby feet. Sho held her in her chair with his powers. She sometimes fell out of her chair. She sometimes tipped over and she had this soft foam thing on the floor but she always cried when she fell and he didn't ever want her to cry…or anything like that. He loved her so much….so much more than he could say…because she would not have been able to understand him. She knew a lot of words but…but not all of the words…and that was ok.
"Yes. You did. You bit me. Can you say that? Can you say 'I bit'?" said Sho. He wanted her to know more words. Maybe if she knew more words then she could have understood him better…or she could have been understood better. It was like she had her own language, sort of, and only her mom knew. Like how she could tell which kind of juice baby sis wanted just by how she said juice. When she said juice and banged her cup on the floor she wanted grape juice. When she said juice and shook her cup above her head she wanted carrot juice. When she said juice and banged her cup against the sides of the baby cage she wanted apple juice. She liked juice. Her mom made her juice at home. She had left some in the fridge for Sho. He could have some, he could refill her sippy cup, but he couldn't make any more juice for her….even though she really liked juice and he really liked her…and he wanted her to be happy…
And maybe if he made her happy when she would learn even more words.
He wanted her to learn more words. He wanted…he wanted her to learn more words because he knew that he wouldn't be able to stick around long enough to learn her little baby language. She had her own way of asking for a lot of things, not just juice, and he didn't understand all of it…but he had to try and…and if she knew words like he knew words then…then maybe he would have been able to understand her better. What kind of a big brother couldn't understand his own baby sister? Not that she was his own baby sister….well she looked like him and he loved her but…but she hadn't come from mom. She hadn't come from mom and dad and that meant that they weren't together. Mom….mom would not have come back long enough to just give dad her baby and then leave. She would have stayed with them. She would have stayed with them and…and she would have said sorry for leaving and…well she didn't have to say sorry because….because maybe that was what was keeping her away. Saying that you were sorry could be very hard sometimes and maybe that was what was keeping her away from them…or something….and if she came back to say sorry then…then she wouldn't have had to say it and…and if she had come back it wouldn't have been to leave baby sis with them….
Even though she had already left him and big sis and dad….well it wasn't like leaving dad was such a crazy thought he had been wanting to leave for a while…but she had left him and…and she would not have left baby sis because baby sis was the best baby sister ever….
"You don't have to say it but….if you did it would make me happy. If you did then….well that would be good. I don't know. I just want to understand you better….I guess." Said Sho. He had no idea what she even understood there. She was looking at him now. Her eyes were so blue…and her pupils were so small…and her aura was red. Well her aura was always red but now it was really red. She was super baby focused and her super baby focused face looked like he super big kid focused face…and she was focused on him and…and she was so smart and…and she was such a good baby sister…
And he loved her so much.
"Sho do. Sho do now." Said baby sis. She reached into her crayon bucket and pulled out a green crayon. She poked him in the front of the coat with it. It was green like his coat. She was so smart. She was the smartest baby sister that a guy could have asked for…and she was the only baby sister that he could have asked got. She was his baby sister and…and in the way that mattered…maybe. Because of love. Maybe they could be sort of like a family…well she hadn't come from his mom…and she had her own mom now…
And maybe in being her big brother…he would have been taking her away from her new mom…
She was here because she was better off here. It was like Fukuda had said. She was much better off in a family with a mom that loved her and no dad then a family with no mom and a dad who was his dad. She was better off here and…and he was happy to be with her…while he could. He only got so much time with her and he was going to make the best of it. He was going to watch her, he was going to make her happy, and he was going to…to draw with her.
"Yeah. That's green like my jacket is green. Can you say green?" asked Sho. He spoke slowly and poked the green of his jacket. It was a little too big, and too hot, and also the pockets had weird stuff in them….Shimazaki had a lot of sea glass and tiny rocks…and also little pieces of chewed up candles…but he loved this coat. He loved this coat and he loved….well he had to stop being in love with….and if baby sis was ever in love with another girl or a boy he didn't like or whatever then he would let her love who she loved. Trying to fall out of love was the worst thing ever…
He wasn't going to think about this, now, he had…baby stuff to think about.
"Sho do." Said baby sis. She slapped the paper in front of her. Right. She wanted to draw again and…and he wanted her to talk but…but being with her….being with her meant doing what she wanted to do. He wanted her to talk better, talk so that he could understand her, but that would have been making her into the person that he wanted her to be. He knew what it was like when someone tried to turn you into the person that they wanted you to be…and it wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. When people tried to change you, to make you better, to make you what they thought was better then…then it was hard. It was very hard and…and he was not going to turn her into the person that he wanted her to be...he only wanted her to be who…who she was already.
His baby sis.
"OK, ok, see? I can do this too. You'll be able to draw too, one day, but you already kind of can now. You can do abstract art. Can you say….wait, no, you don't have to say it. You're fine the way you are and I love you the way you are." Said Sho. He…well not a lot of people had said that to him. Mom, when she had been around, but then she had left. Big sis said it all the time but…but she said that to everyone. He had been an asshole to her for years and it would have made more sense for her to tell him to go suck dicks for ten yen coins in a public bathroom during golden week. He sort of wished that she would have. Then they would have been even….not that they could ever be even…but they would have been more even than they would have been with her always telling him that she loved him just the way he was…because in a lot of ways the way he was sucked. He had been an asshole…and he was still an asshole. He didn't hit her anymore….
And he never would again…
But he still did asshole stuff to her…like this. Visiting baby sis without telling her. This was one of those pragmatic choices that Fukuda had told him about. Sometimes you had to make choices that didn't lead to the best outcome but the least awful one…and that was what he was doing. He was making the choice that led to the least awful outcome. The bets outcome would have been big sis, baby sis, and him being a family together…without dad like if he died or something….but the outcome that he could get, the least awful one, was hanging out with baby sis like this.
Just him, and her, coloring at her little baby art table.
This was…she was scribbling again. Green scribbles. He wanted to ask her if she could say scribbles but…but he wasn't going to make her into someone she wasn't. If she only wanted to use her little baby words, if all she ever wanted to use for the rest of her life were little baby words, then that was fine by him. He loved her for who she was and…and he meant it. He meant it like big sis had meant it and mom and Fukuda and also…well he was not going to think about Shimazaki now because he had to make the pragmatic choice to fall out of love with him…even though it was hard….and even though he liked Sho for who he was….and he never tried to make Sho into someone else…and he was really cool….like the coolest guy that Sho had ever met in his entire life and…
And he really hoped that baby sis never had these problems.
He hoped that she stuck to having little baby problems for the rest of her life. Like now. She had been pushing down too hard with her crayon and it had broken in half. That was a little baby problem. She was kicking her little baby feet and waving her little baby arms and her little baby face was red…and she was so mad and…and he could fix this. He may not have been able to fix his own big kid problems but he sure as hell could fix her little baby problems for her…and maybe her big kid problems when she got older and had some. When she started to get her powers and she wondered why she wasn't as good as the people around her…when she got mad and hurt the people she loved and wouldn't know why….when she fell in love with the coolest person who had ever lived and needed, not wanted but needed, to stop loving them even though….even though love felt…in a lot of ways it felt good…and he couldn't solve his own problems but he could solve hers…
And right now he had a little baby crayon to fix.
"Here. See? I can fix it. See? You just have to use your powers, well I can use mine because I'm older, to melt the wax together…and then you make the wax get harder. See? Just like that. When you get older you'll be able to do it too…maybe. I don't know. If you don't end up psycho-kinetic then you can just save all of your crayons for me to fix when I visit you….not that I know when that'll be but….yeah." said Sho as he handed her back her crayon. It had an ugly lump in the middle, and also the wrapper was burnt, and also it wasn't straight anymore but…but she was happy with it. She was back to scribbling away at her little baby art desk.
"Sho do! Sho do!" said baby sis. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to do something or if she was happy that he had done something for her…she had her own language…but that was ok. He loved her and…and that was ok. That she didn't know a lot of words…and that she might never have had powers like his…and that she might have wound up in love with someone who she wasn't supposed to be in love with…and all of that stuff. He didn't care. He just…he loved her. Even if she didn't know a lot of words he still loved her.
Baby sis knew a lot of words, though, for a baby.
He knew his name, he had been her first word, and she knew how to ask for food and juice and how to say 'here' and 'now' and also she could say 'I do'. That was his favorite of her words. That was a sentence. She was so smart. She could put words together and she could walk and she could talk and she could draw….she could draw too. He had been teaching her how to draw a circle. She could draw a scribble…and that was good too. It was like she was doing abstract art and abstract art was good too. Sure she couldn't draw like he could but…everyone had to start somewhere…and if she wanted to be an abstract artist or something then it was good too.
And also if she wanted to be a graffiti artist that would be good too.
"I do! I do!" said baby sis. Sho…he knew what her mom had said. Her mom had told her a million times not to draw on the walls and…and Sho was supposed to be watching her. Her mom had division stuff to do and Sho was supposed to be the babysitter and he was going to be the best babysitter who ever lived!
And it counted as babysitting because he wasn't her actual big brother.
She looked like him but…well Emmy looked like him too and he wasn't brother and sister with her. She had red hair, he had red hair, and baby sis had red hair, and dad had red hair. Maybe all red haired people just looked alike. Maybe red hair and blue eyes came together. Sort of like how black hair and brown eyes went together. Like how big sis had black hair and brown eyes and so did a lot of other people in Japan…and the world, too. Sometimes people just looked like other people. That was all. That didn't meant that baby sis was his real sister….
Even though he really wanted her to be.
"Yeah, you're doing it too. See? You're doing it too." Said Sho. He really wanted her to be his actual baby sister and…and that may have counted as wanting her to be something that she wasn't but….but also maybe it was something that she was. They may not have had the same mom and dad, they may not have lived in the same place, and he may have been called Suzuki while she was called Sagami, she was still…still his sister…
Because he loved her.
He loved her and….and maybe love was it. Maybe love was the thing that made people a family….and stuff. After all, she had been adopted, but her mom still loved her like she was her own baby home grown in her own stomach. Baby sis's mom had met her and probably been all like 'Mukai, I love you most out of all the other babies in the world and now I want to adopt you' and then baby sis was all 'I love you too new mom' but only in her head because back when Fukuda had taken her away…back when her mom had picked her out…she had been too little to talk. Now she was big enough to talk and…and if she could have said something then she would have said…well he would have wanted her to have said…
But he wasn't going to make her say anything that she didn't feel like saying.
"Hey baby sis? I love you, ok? I want you to know that. You don't have to say it back to me but…but I love you and I want you to know that. I told you before, a million times before, but I don't know what you do and do not remember. Like how you keep on putting your sippy cup behind the couch and then you forget where it is and then you get mad. Sort of like that. Anyway…anyway I love you and I know that you would say it back if you could but you don't know all the words for things yet so that's ok." Said Sho. Baby sis looked at him, now, and she had her eyes all in super baby focus mode. Her pupils were tiny, the blue part was big, and she was staring at him.
"I…I…" said baby sis. Sho leaned forward. Was she going to tell him that she loved him? Was she going to tell him that she remembered the times when she had been really little and he had taken care of her? Or was she going to tell him to go and suck a bunch of dicks for leaving her alone all the time…and for letting Fukuda take her away….or whatever. Whatever she said he would listen.
He would always listen to his baby sis.
"I….juice! I juice now! Sho juice now!" said baby sis. She reached over and slapped her sippy cup against the table….and then she hit him with it…and he had no idea what juice that meant she wanted but…but that was ok. She would learn more words later but right now…right now she needed her juice.
"Ok, ok, what do you want? Apple? I can get you apple juice but I am not touching that orange juice. If I touch it then I could die. I'm allergic to citrus, you know, and I bet that you wouldn't want your big brother to die. Then who would get you juice?" said Sho
"Juice now! Sho now!" said baby sis. She pointed at her sippy cup just in case he couldn't understand her….but he did. For such a little person…she knew a lot of words…and he was happy that she knew so many words and…and he was happy to have been able to be there with her. He was happy to have been able to draw pictures with her and hang out with her and even get hit in the face with her sippy cup. He loved her so much and…and it would suck when he had to leave her….but he wasn't going to think about that. He was going to go and get her the damn apple juice.
Because Sho was a pretty fucking damn good babysitter….and big brother, too.