Sho didn't really like to read.
Reading was boring. He could read, he knew how, and in four different languages too. He just didn't much like to read. Not unless he was reading something interesting like the stories about cool accidents and crazy medical stuff that Emmy was always sending him. Those were interesting but that wasn't what he was reading right now. No, he was reading from baby sis's big book of stories. She had this big giant book with all the stories that you were supposed to tell babies. Stories like princess Kaguyahime and the one inch samurai and Momotarou. Stories that mom had told him when he had been little. He'd had one of these big books, too, but his had been different.
The cover, anyway.
The cover and the pictures were different but the stories were the same. Mom had read to him from the big book, or other books, before bed. Big sis, too, because they had shared a room…and they still shared a room….well they would share a room when he got back to her. They had spent almost their whole lives together and…and they had heard the same stories every night. Big sis still read to him…well she read out loud in the same room while he fell asleep. Mom used to do that and…and now big sis did that too…and then him, too, because he was a big brother now.
A pretend big brother.
Baby sis and him were not really brother and sister. They couldn't be. The only way they could be was if mom came back, had a baby with dad, and then ran away again all in secret. That was the kind of stuff that they put in books because that was the only time that stuff like that happened. In books. Not this book, of course, this book was about good things. People who lived in peaches, tiny samurai's, and other stuff like that. Not bad stuff like moms running away from home and leaving their kids all alone. No. Baby sis didn't need to know about that kind of stuff. She needed to know good things, like people in peaches, and not….not bad stuff.
Not the stuff from real life.
"By and by, the four of them came to the giant's castle. The giants were all inside, tucking into a feast of roast cow and bull and some of them were spitting bones out of the window. The noise they made was deafening…." Read Sho. He stopped for a second. Whenever he stopped baby sis said something like 'Sho now' or 'Sho do now' or something like that. She could not only make words but also sentences and…and he loved it when she talked to him. She was smart. She was the smartest baby in the whole world. She could walk and talk and draw and…and he was so lucky to have her as his little sister. His pretend little sister.
Because if she was really his little sister then that would have been really sad.
If she was his real little sister then that meant that she would have had the same mom and dad he did. That would have meant that mom had left her too…and also that dad was her dad. Nobody, but especially not her, deserve to have a mom who left and a dad who was dad. No. Baby sis was just…she was Sagami Mukai. She was Sagami and he was Suzuki and…and they were only pretend siblings but that was ok. He loved her for real and that was what mattered.
Also he loved it when she talked.
But she wasn't talking now. He looked up from the book and saw that she was laying down on her back. Her eyes were closed and she was kicking like she was trying to get out of her little baby pajamas. Her pajamas were the kind with the feet on them and maybe she was trying to get out of them…or maybe she just liked to kick in her sleep. He did. He had been kicking in his sleep since he had been a baby, mom had showed him the recording, and he had no idea why. She probably didn't either. That didn't matter, he would love her no matter what, even if she had fallen asleep in the middle of the story.
Well it was her bedtime after all.
She went to bed between six thirty and seven. Her mom gave her dinner and then her bath and then put her to bed even though the sun was still up. Not that she could see the sun or anything. These apartments didn't really have windows…but that was ok. Maybe when she got older she could move to a Division or an HQ or a cell that had a building with windows…or maybe she and Sho would just be able to play outside together. That would have been pretty great. He wasn't allowed to bring her outside because she was too little and her mom was afraid of something happening to her in the woods…even though Sho would never have let anything happen to his own little sister….to his own pretend little sister….
Pretend or not he loved her the most out of all the other little babies in the whole world.
He loved her enough to read to her until she fell asleep and he loved her enough to know that he needed to let her keep on getting her sleep. He wanted to stay with her. He wanted to stay with her all night, which would be a long night since she spent most of her life asleep, but he knew that he had to go. Fukuda had made dinner for him. He made him dinner every single night, and after baby sis fell asleep he had to go and have dinner and then work on one of his homeschool workbooks and then take a bath and go to bed. Then he could see her again….he could see baby sis again but…but he had no idea if…if he would.
Because every time he saw her could have been his last.
He knew that he had to go soon. He had to go back to big sis and dad and all of the others because this trip wasn't going to be like that last one where he had been gone for months and months. Dad was in Tokyo and Tokyo meant building up the HQ, which was safe, but also dealing with the yakuza, which was not safe. Plus there was the other esper group that was trying to kill him…well a lot of other esper groups were trying to kill him…and that was why he needed Fukuda around. So Fukuda couldn't be gone for long and because Sho was only ten, ten and a half was still ten, he had to go where Fukuda went…
And it wasn't fair.
They were in Japan! They were in Japan and they would be for the rest of summer, probably, because dad liked spending summers in Japan for some reason….and baby sis lived in Japan and since they were in the same country then…then he should have been allowed to visit her! He was Suzuki Sho and…and he was dad's Son and…and he should have been allowed to go wherever he wanted to go and do whatever he wanted to do! But no, instead he had to go sneaking around behind dad's back just to see one little baby! One little baby who was the best baby that he had ever known! The best little baby that had ever been born! The smartest, nicest, best baby who-
Who was going to wake up if he didn't calm down right now.
She kicked again and rubbed her face. Her eyes didn't open, which was good, but he also…he wanted her to open her eyes. He wanted her to open her eyes and he wanted her to yell at him and throw one of her stuffed animals at him and tell him that he had to read to her or something…something like that. Really he wanted to tell her anything. The last thing that she had said was 'Sho now' and…and he wanted to hear her say that again…or anything, really. He just wanted to hear her little baby voice and…and if she wanted him to stay up all night reading her little baby books to her then he would have.
But he didn't.
Because she didn't ask him to. She stayed asleep in her crib. She would be getting a baby bed, soon, her mom had said because she kept on climbing out of her crib. Every morning she climbed out and banged on her mom's door….and Sho had done that too, when he had been a baby. Mom had told him that when he had been one he had gotten up every single morning at six and banged on her door until he got up. Fukuda had said that dad had gotten so sick of it that he had started locking Sho in his room. Big sis…well he had no idea what she had been doing during that time. Nobody had mentioned her and also she had been a baby too so she didn't remember. People didn't remember things from when they were babies.
He hoped that baby sis remembered him.
He had been her first word…so she would remember him for the rest of her life he felt like…but he also felt like she could forget him. She forgot things, like how if she threw her stuff out of her baby gate then she couldn't get it back, or if she hid her sippy cup behind the couch she couldn't reach back there and get it even if her arms were tiny. She forgot things and…and he didn't want to leave her room because…because maybe if he left and she woke up tomorrow she would think that she had dreamt him up or something. She could dream, he had seen her legs kicking and her mouth moving and sometimes she swatted at the air around her, and he had no idea what it was that she dreamt of but he did know what it was to wake up from a dream, think that it had been real, and then realize that it hadn't been…
And since he left her so suddenly all the time…she might have thought that he was just a dream.
He couldn't stay with her even though he really wanted to. He had to go. He had to go back and…and have dinner and do Sho stuff. He couldn't stay with her all night in her room watching her sleep and probably passing out in her rocking chair or on her rug…and he also couldn't stay at this Division. He couldn't live here…well he didn't want to live here since this was far from his friends and his sister…..but he couldn't have lived here if he had wanted to.
He had to go.
"Hey baby sis? I'm going to go now…if you're going to be asleep and…and have a good sleep and maybe I'll be here when you wake up in the morning." Said Sho as he got up from her rocking chair. He got up quietly so he didn't wake her…and he didn't she as asleep and…and that was good. She was little and she needed her sleep and…and he was happy to be able to sit in her rocking chair, well it was technically called a glider, and to read to her until she fell asleep…and he hoped that he could do the same tomorrow night. Tomorrow night and the next and the next and the next. He was her big brother and being a big brother meant doing things that were sort of boring…but also that he liked…
Because he loved her…even if he had to read storybooks.
He put her book back on the shelf and folded the page so he could remember where they had left off. Then he turned on her little baby nightlight, it was a pink lamp with people on bikes cut out of the shade that spun, and he turned off his main light with his powers. Now it looked like nighttime even though he knew that the sun was still up outside. When she got older and she went to be later then they could play outside and…and inside and just….they could just be together more but…but now she was little and he was little, not as little as her but he was still just a kid, so he just….walked as quietly as he could out of her room. He closed the door as softly as he could…
And as much as he wanted to be couldn't open her door again.
He heard the sound of someone hitting a punching bag. That was baby sis's mom. She was a fighter, that had been her job before she had joined Claw, and she was going to teach Mukai when she got older. Sho hoped that when Mukai grew up she hated hitting people and fighting and stuff. He loved her and he knew how easy it was to start hitting people and being a jerk and…and he never wanted that for her…but she would be ok. She was living with her mom after all and her mom was a really nice person and not a jerk at all.
She was nice like a mom was supposed to be.
Sho crossed the hall to tell Mukai's mom that he was going for the day. He had to tell her when he was coming and going so that he didn't surprise her and stuff. Also because he was dad's Son and she had said that if he went missing she knew who everyone was going to blame. Sho didn't think that it would have been her, he figured that it would have been Fukuda, but she just said that while she was under his roof that meant that he was her responsibility…even though this was his roof, technically, because he was dad's Son and dad ran Claw and someday he would run Claw so that meant that everything here in this Division was his…or something….
But when he had said that baby sis's mom had just patted him on the head and poured him more soda…terrible grape soda….but he said nothing because he was supposed to be polite all the time…and stuff…
"I'm going back now." Said Sho. He stood in the doorway to baby sis's mom's bedroom. He knew that it was rude to lurk in doorways but he also knew that it was much ruder to just let himself into people's bedrooms without being given express permission and he could not be rude right now. If he was a rude guest then baby sis's mom would kick him out and then he would never be allowed to come over and visit again…and that would have been the absolute worst thing ever.
"That's fine, same time tomorrow?" asked Tsuchiya as she turned and faced the kid. It was always a shock, looking at the kid, but she didn't let it show. That was definitely the President's Son…and so was Mukai, well his Daughter, but she knew enough to keep her mouth shut about that. She figured that the kid didn't know, was too young and naïve to figure the truth out for himself, that that there was no point in telling him the obvious truth. The truth would only upset him and she didn't feel like upsetting him. He was just a kid and he didn't need that. He had enough to deal with being the President's son and all.
"I…maybe. I don't know. We might be going soon. Fukuda doesn't really give me a lot of warning." Said Sho. He wished that he knew the answer to that question…and he wished that he could have said for certain that the answer would have been yes. He wanted to come back at the same time tomorrow and then again the next day, and the next, and then the next. He wanted…he didn't know what he wanted. He wanted to go home and be with big sis and everyone else, minus dad, but he also wanted to be with baby sis….and also he wanted baby sis to come back with him but he also wanted her to be safe and happy with her new mom…and he also wanted his own mom to come back but also he knew that she would be thrown into a traitor hole if she ever did…and also he wanted his mom to secretly be baby sis's mom because then he and baby sis would have been real siblings but also…also he didn't want her to ever have a dad like dad. She had no dad now and having no dad at all was much better than having a dad like his….and also he didn't want to take her away from her mom who loved her and had picked her out from all the other babies in the whole world. So he wanted…he wanted a lot of things….and a lot of the things that he wanted made no sense or didn't go with the other things that he wanted so…so maybe he just needed to stop thinking about what he wanted.
Maybe that would have been for the best since what he wanted didn't matter.
He had a baby sister, a pretend one, to think about. He had to think about what she wanted, what was best for her, and what was best for her was not being a part of his family. She had to be here. This was a pragmatic choice. She had to stay here and he had to only visit her in secret and…and that was just the way that it was going to have to be. It was the least terrible option. It didn't matter if this made him sad….she was going to have a happy life and that was what mattered.
Her happiness was what mattered the very most out of everything.
"Well then if we don't see you again for a while I'll give Mukai your best." Said Tsuchiya. She could feel the kid's aura…and she didn't have to feel his aura to know what he was feeling. The poor kid…this was hard for him. She knew that it was hard for him and…well she was doing the best she could. She didn't have any siblings but she could still imagine that it must have been hard on him. Bonding with Mukai, well who couldn't bond with her, and then having to say goodbye to her over and over again. The President was not a man who liked to be questioned…but she did wonder why he did this to his only Son. Seemed like a pretty good way to end up in a crooked nursing home, really, putting the kid through this.
"OK….yeah. Tell her…tell her that I love her…and that she's the best and smartest baby ever….and that if she still likes abstract art and graffiti art then we can do that together when she gets older…when I see her again…and she might be old enough for all of that next time I see her…and stuff." Said Sho. He wished that he had something better to leave her with. He just….he hoped that he wouldn't get woken up in the morning with Fukuda telling him that they had to go back…and he wished that he could stay….but he also wished that he could see big sis and the others again and…and he didn't even know what he wanted. Maybe to feel better. Maybe to not be lurking in that doorway….because it was rude…but lurking in this doorway was better than being away from big sis because…well at least he was still near her…and stuff.
"Sure. I'll tell her that…and let me tell you something. Don't worry, something good." Said Tsuchiya. The kid looked like he was about to cry…and she really hoped that he was getting some kind of help for his obvious emotional problems…and also that whatever he had going on wasn't genetic. He needed to hear something good, something nice, something to break him out of the sadness he was in.
"If it's about how I let baby sis draw on the walls I'll clean it up tomorrow if I'm still here." Said Sho as he wiped his eyes. He had turned his back for ten seconds and in those ten seconds Mukai had found his markers, his nice ones, and drew on the walls with them…and he was ok with that because they were just walls and they could be painted again….but also moms didn't like it when you drew on the walls. He had drawn on the walls a lot when he had been really little. Mom had cared. She had taken his markers away until he could be trusted with them. Dad hadn't cared.
He had just told mom to tape paper up over the walls.
Sho could remember that day. He had been three and….and he remembered that it had been before big sis's birthday so it had been that part of the year when they were the same age….and he remembered because he had tried writing happy birthday on the walls but…but he hadn't been the best at writing back then and…and then dad had taped a bunch of paper up on the walls and showed him how to write happy birthday. He had written 'happy birthday big sis' and…no. He had written 'happy birthday Shigeko' and…and he had known their names back then….and it had been nice and dad hadn't gotten mad at him even though he had drawn on the walls and they'd had to have people come in and paint again….for some reason dad hadn't gotten mad….but mom had…
Moms cared about that kind of stuff.
"No, it's not about that…but stop giving her your markers. She has her own washable markers…but that's my fault for not watching you guys closely enough….but anyway I just wanted to tell you that you're a great big brother and that she's really lucky to have someone like you in her life." Said Tsuchiya. She went over and patted the kid on the head while she said that. She didn't imagine that the President showed the kid a lot of affection. Poor kid….if she could have taken him in then she would have. She couldn't, though, because this was the President's only Son and she imagined that he only kept the kid around because he only had the one son. So many men were like that…but she couldn't do anything about that. She really couldn't do anything for this kid but be there for him while he was there for Mukai.
"Th-thanks….baby sis's mom….um….goodnight. I'll see you guys tomorrow…maybe." Said Sho. He wanted….he sort of wanted to hug her. He sort of wanted to hug her because…because she was a mom. She was the only mom he knew and…and she was not his mom. His mom gave him hugs, well she had when she had been around, but this was not his mom. This was baby sis's mom and he could not hug her. That would have been weird. He wanted her to hug him, though, because she was touching his hair like mom had…
Moms were like that.
Moms were like that and he was just remembering what it was like to have a mom, that was all. He only wanted to hug her because he hadn't hugged his own mom in years…but that was ok. If he wanted a hug then big sis could hug him…when he saw her again. She loved to hug him. She loved to give warm hugs and…and he would hug her later. When he saw her again…which might have been soon. He didn't know. Fukuda hadn't gone and told him an exact date and time when they would be leaving…
And he wasn't going to ask.
When he got back to Fukuda he wasn't going to ask when they were going back. He didn't want to give him any ideas…or to know the exact date and time. He would rather have woken up tomorrow to Fukuda telling him that it was time to pack up and go than to have to go to bed knowing that tomorrow he would be leaving his baby sis forever. Well not forever...but it felt like it and…and he knew that this was for the best. She was happier being here with her mom instead of being a part of his family and…and he knew that he had to make pragmatic choices but….well pragmatic choices sucked and…and he wanted to find a way to always be with baby sis….even if it meant reading all of her boring baby books to her one after the other after the other all night…
He didn't much like to read but he did love his baby sis and if it meant that he could stay with her then he would have read to her nonstop all night.