Standard disclaimer: based on BG characters and settings, all owned by Bioware.
Warning: features Edwin dying, a lot.
For those who care: Konk is my own invention-a standard issue half-orc barbarian Bhaalspawn
101 (less 92) Ways to Kill a Wizard
1. Death by Avariel
Edwin: "Pst…Aerie"
Aerie: "What do you want wizard?"
Edwin: "I wanted to let you know something Thayvians say about your people, the Avariel."
Aerie: "Oh! Is..Is it something nice?"
Edwin: "Very nice."
Aerie: "Wh…what is it?"
Edwin: "The best parties must have an Avariel present. "
Aerie: "That's sweet. Why is that?"
Edwin: "They taste better than chicken!"
Aerie: "Oh that's it! You hor…horrible man." -casts polymorph to chicken spell-
Edwin: "Squawk!"
Aerie: "We'll s..see who tastes like ch..chicken!" -casts barbecue spell-
2. Death by Banana
Konk: "Hey wizard! Watch where you throw those fireballs of yours. You nearly fried me in that last battle."
Edwin: "Edwin do this, Edwin do that. Somebody get this jerk a banana.
Konk: "I already got a banana." -stuffs banana down Edwin's throat-
3. Death by Concubines
scene:The underdark, Ust Natha Inn
Konk: "Where is that wizard!"
Keldorn: "I believe he went upstairs where those decadent lust chambers are."
Mazzy: "That was two days ago."
Konk: "Well, maybe he's still there."
Keldorn: "Someone should go check."
Mazzy: "Not me."
Anomen: "Nuh-uh."
Konk: "Waddya lookin at me for?"
Keldorn: -sighs-"If I must. May Torm protect me."
Keldorn in lust chambers looking at dead wizard- "Well, at least he looks happy."
4. Death by Ego
scene: Spellhold meeting the inmates
Tiax: "I am Tiax!"
Edwin: "I am Edwin Odesserion!"
Tiax: "Tiax is great!"
Edwin: "I am magnificence personified!"
Tiax: "Tiax rules, Tiax rules all!"
Edwin: "I am the greatest wizard ever!"
Irenicus: "Arrrgh! Enough!" -casts multiple disintegrate spells-
5. Death by Embarrassment
Edwin: "My, my magic, it won't work!"
Konk: "That's alright Eddie, we don't mind."
Mazzy: "I'm sure it happens to all the wizards sometimes."
Edwin: "But it's never happened to me before!"
Konk: "It's okay, we won't think of you as any less of a…wizard."
Edwin: "No, no, NOOOOOO!" -keels over-
6. Death by Irritability
Anomen: "Edwin!"
Edwin: "I'm busy."
Mazzy: "Wizard!"
Edwin: "Go bother someone else."
Keldorn: "Odesseiron!"
Edwin: "What is it now!"
Keldorn: "Your robe's on fire."
Edwin: "Aaagh!" -sizzling sound-
7. Death by Jansen
Edwin: "Go away gnome."
Jan: "But, gee, Red, I was just reminded of a story…-scribe: no, I'm sorry, I just can't do that-
8. Death by Paladin
Edwin: "Greetings baby paladin."
Mazzy: "Watch yourself wizard."
Edwin: "Please don't threaten me, my kneecaps are worried."
Mazzy: "I cannot let your evil live!"
Edwin: "Hah! Hahaha…erk, ack, gurgle."
9. Death by Pride
Edwin: "Bah! I alone could defeat you."
Konk: "Hey Eddie, that's a red dragon you're threatening."
Edwin: "I know that simian, go away you're not needed."
Dragon: "So you want to fight little fools?"
Konk: "Nope, we're leaving."
Edwin: "Flee, you worthless monkeys."
Konk, Keldorn, Anomen, and Mazzy: "See ya Eddie."
Dragon: "Well foolish one?"
Edwin: "Fear me!" -attacks dragon-
dragon-1, Edwin-0
NOTE: to all Edwin fans (I know you're out there)-I'm sure all those good-aligned characters resurrected the Red One.