The idea that Lily Evans would ever go out with me was just a fantasy. Pure fantasy. Still, I indulged and dreamed and, meh, hallucinated. You know, a pathetic attempt at making dreams come true. Frankly, no one in their right mind, with perfectly functional hearing, would want to go out with her. You know the type. Fiery red head, stubborn wench, determined to nab a guy and mould him into her idea of a perfect man. A knight in shining armor.

Pure bollocks, if you ask me.

So, this may raise the question 'why do I want her so much?' Simple. Because I couldn't have her. One question started it back in… oh, when was it? Fourth year? Something like that. Just for the sake of it (and because I hadn't tried asking her before) I called out to her across the room. Ok, so I bellowed it across the Great Hall, same thing. But I wasn't really expecting a face full of pumpkin juice and an earful of abuse. I honestly thought that 'troll-faced, toad-smelling little rat' was a bit out of order as a reply to 'Oi, Evans, go out with me!'. Rotten girl.

She is damn fit, though. No, seriously! Ask any guy and he'll groan and nod, then float off into the Land of Lily, where millions of bronze skinned, bikini clad Lily's just waltzed around, ready to bow to your every whim. Some guys practically drooled. I could have decked those wankers.

But still, I can't see why she should reject me so violently. I never did anything to her. Apart from that unfortunate accident in Potions in third year when I accidentally managed to spill my half-made potion on her hair, which promptly turned into a young replica of Medusa's famous style. I would have thought that having a head full of snakes would make a woman more interesting. A good conversation starter, at least. 'There's something in your hair… oh, just another cobra, it's ok.'

You see? Never really did anything to her. She likes to act like Joan of Arc or something, gliding around the school and preaching to everyone. 'Potter, leave that second year alone!' That bloody second year picked my pocket, Miss Evans! Stupid female. Just assuming she knew everything

So, because it was an impossible task and the guys all told me I couldn't do it, I made it my mission in life to go out with Lily Evans. Just to show her she wasn't as cool as she thought herself. I wanted to bring her down to the wizarding world with a seriously painful bump.

She's an Adonis, a princess, a beauty queen. She's also a downright bitch. And if she thinks I'll lay down and let her strut her body over me (not that I'd mind with the whole body idea), then she's dreaming. I still wanted her. Just so I could show the world that I'd tamed the shrew. And taming the shrew was exactly what I intended.