Tattoos were cool.
Sho thought so, anyway, and when he grew up he was going to get as many tattoos as he could. He wasn't sure, yet, exactly what he would get. Definitely big sis on one arm and little sis on the other, he loved them, but also maybe something cool like a chest buster coming out of his chest or a bunch of hamsters running down his other arm…or like a tree full of cats on his back. Over his tree. He would have to be careful of his scars, not to open them again, because that was a thing that happened. That was a thing that had happened to Shimazaki, he said, when he was getting his first dragon. Scar tissue was weird and it was easier to avoid it than incorporate it….but Sho would definitely work his scars into his tattoos.
That was what Shimazaki had done.
Sho could see all of his tattoos now. He was in his boxers now laying down on the floor getting the last of the color put on his tattoo. He was laying down on his stomach and Sho could see the dragon on his back. The closer Sho looked the more he could see the red marks on Shimazaki's back. That was where his dad had sprayed him with a hose and then hit him with a belt. He had other marks, too, like stabs and gunshots and stuff, but right now all Sho could see was his back. He had been able to see his chest, before, that was where the stabs were…and he sort of wanted to see his chest again….but now he had to be happy being able to just look at his back….
And he shouldn't have been staring at him at all end of discussion.
He could stare at Shimazaki, now, because he was focused on the needles going into his skin. His friend was using a tattoo gun, it looked painful, and that was all that he could focus on. His barrier was down and now he was letting all of this happen to him…and Sho had to be there for him. Shimazaki said that he felt better when Sho was around, because he trusted him and stuff, and Sho was not happy about how that had made him feel. About how he felt now. About the goldfish swimming in his stomach and hadn't stopped once since Shimazaki stripped down to almost nothing and laid down on his stomach and…
And maybe Sho would end up getting a goldfish on his stomach.
Koi fish were for good luck and stuff. That was what Shimazaki friend had said. He had let Sho flip through his books of his old work. That was what Sho was supposed to be doing now. Well his friend had handed him his remote and told him to watch Netflix but Sho hadn't wanted to be away from Shimazaki so now he was sipping a beer, well pretending to, and flipping through Shimazaki's friend's book of pictures of other tattoos that he had done. Also he was staring at Shimazaki…which he should not have been. When Sho grew up he should have tattooed a goldfish, or a bunch, onto his stomach. Yeah. A dragon on his back, too, because dragons meant that you were important. Well they meant being brave and stuff but in Shimazaki's family dragons meant that you were important. Well Sho was going to be important when he grew up so he would get a dragon….but maybe not over his tree….he wasn't sure yet…
He'd have to see what Shimazaki thought.
"Hey, Sho, what do you think?" asked Shimazaki. Sho almost jumped back. Thinking? He hadn't been thinking! He hadn't been thinking anything at all! He hadn't been thinking about how cool Shimazaki looked, how cool his tattoos were, and how he wanted him to roll over onto his back so Sho could see his chest…just because he had cool tattoos there….that was all. That was the only reason he wanted Shimazaki to roll onto his back…and he wasn't thinking about anything at all!
"What?" asked Sho trying his best to make his aura stay calm. Shimazaki was looking at him…and he had to…he felt like he had to say something or do something…and stuff. He just…he hated feeling this way. He should have just calmed down and…and been normal. Not in love. It was…not a good way that he felt…being in love and…and he needed just fall out of love already…..but that would have been a lot easier if Shimazaki had been wearing more clothes.
Not that he wanted…he didn't know what he wanted.
He may have told Shimazaki that the dragon on his chest was fading a little bit…and maybe that he should have gotten it touched up…but it maybe was fading just a little bit. What did Sho know? He didn't know about tattoos. He didn't know about tattoos or what they looked like when they faded on their own and…and maybe his dragon had been on the way to fading. He didn't know. All he knew was that…well he didn't know anything but….
But maybe he should have stayed home and watched Frozen with big sis.
"This thing how does it look?" asked Shimazaki. He pointed towards his leg and…and it looked…kind of gross. There was a lot of blood but…well that was just how it looked when you got a tattoo. Sho had always imagined that getting a tattoo was like drawing a picture only instead of paper you were using skin. What he hadn't thought of was the fact that skin was alive and it bled and also doing tattoos involved using a machine to put the ink in with very sharp needles. The picture…well it had been done in stages and the last stage was the color…and aside from the blood it looked cool….everything about Shimazaki was so cool….
Sho looked away.
. "It looks….cool." said Sho. He reached down and drank his beer. This was terrible beer, Shimazaki had said, and Sho believed him. He wouldn't have drank it, he would have just given it to Shimazaki later even though drinking made your blood thin and stuff, but now…now he had to do something. Something that would take his eyes and his attention off of Shimazaki.
"You paused. It sucks. Kei, you've obviously butchered me. Start again." said Shimazaki. He kicked his friend, there, lightly, and his friend glared at him. Sho wanted to tell him that glaring at Shimazaki was stupid because he couldn't see it…and also that he never should have been glaring at Shimazaki in the first place. Shimazaki was awesome and nice and cool and….and he was the coolest guy ever and his friend should have been happy that he even let him tattoo him. Sho would have done that for Shimazaki if he had asked….even though he knew nothing at all about doing tattoos…but he could learn. Yeah, if Shimazaki wanted him to learn then he would!
"What the fuck do you mean, start again? I've poured at least sixty hours of my life into this thing…and it does not suck!" said Shimazaki's friend who Sho knew the name of but did not want to use the name of for…reasons. All kinds of reasons. Reasons that Sho did not feel like thinking about. Reasons like how close Shimazaki always sat next to his friend. Reasons like how…how they had been friends for a while and…he knew that people had friends. People were supposed to have more than one friend and…and Sho was Shimazaki's best friend….and Shimazaki was the coolest guy in the world so it made sense why everyone would have wanted to be his friend….but it was so weird just…seeing him being friends with other people and…
And Sho needed to work harder at this whole falling out of love thing.
"Well now you know that you should have done seventy." Said Shimazaki. He laughed, there, and his friend rolled his eyes. Sho wanted to tell him that Shimazaki couldn't tell that his friend was rolling his eyes at him….but that would have involved saying stuff and…and he didn't trust himself to do any talking right now.
"It looks fine…it would have looked a lot better if you'd waited long enough to heal but it looks fine…and also bear in mind that this is a drawing that a seven year old did…and bear in mind that you're blind." said Shimazaki's friend. That wasn't very nice. Sho was ten, not seven, and Shimazaki was bind but that didn't mean that he didn't deserve good work…and it was good work…because Sho had drawn it. Sho had been the one to draw it and….and he wasn't going to tell him that his work sucked…and stuff…
"I'm ten and a half." Said Sho. There. He'd had to say something and…and that as what he had said. He was ten and a half, not seven, and he could draw much better now than he had been able to when he was seven.
"Yeah, so if it sucks then-" said Shimazaki. Sho….felt like Shimazaki had kicked him in the stomach. Well he had been kicked in the stomach before…and this was worse. Shimazaki….thought that something that he had drawn sucked and…and he took a deep breath. He took a deep breath and he drank down the last of his beer and…and Shimazaki didn't actually think that it sucked. He didn't know what it looked like, really, and….and he had no idea that it didn't suck.
"It's not bad…it doesn't suck. It looks really good." Said Sho. He hated saying something nice about his friend but…but it had been Sho's drawing and he couldn't have Shimazaki saying that his drawing sucked. Well it was mostly his drawing, his friend had changed a few of the lines and some of the details and stuff, but Sho had still drawn it.
"See? There." said Shimazaki's friend. Sho reached for his beer…and it was empty. Great. Now he had nothing to do with himself and…and he didn't stick out his tongue. He had wanted to but he didn't…and that was good. He had to be nice, or at least not mean, because Shimazaki would ask him why he was being a jerk and…and he didn't want Shimazaki to know how he felt. Why would he? This was something that he would have to take to his grave.
"Fine, fine, fine, you know I was just fucking with you this whole time. I know that you're a master of your craft or whatever and you do good work, well people say that you do good work anyway, and I know that this doesn't suck…and even if it did who cares? I've been with you since your stick and poke days, man, I am not finding a new guy now." Said Shimazaki. Sho could have been his guy…his tattoo guy. He could have been his tattoo guy. He could have learned. Even dad said that he was a good artist. Sho was right there and if Shimazaki had told him to start tattooing something onto him right now then Sho would have. He would have done anything that Shimazaki asked him to.
"Uh huh, sure man, whatever you say." Said Shimazaki's friend. Sho wanted to kick him…but he didn't. instead he held the beer can up to the ceiling and tried to drink whatever was left. Big sis would have been so mad at him if she knew that he was drinking….but big sis had been mad at everything lately…and Sho had been the everything. Ok, so maybe feeling her like he fed baby sis had been too much but…well he had only been trying to take care of her….and stuff. He had been trying his best with big sis and he was trying his best now, too, and….and he really hoped that his best was good enough for someone. For anyone.
"Ok, fine, I haven't been entirely faithful to you but you know me." Said Shimazaki. Sho knew him and…and he thought that he did, anyway, it felt like something had passed between him and his friend…but Sho got that feeling a lot when they were together. The atmosphere got weird sometimes. Adults were just weird like that, he decided, just…really weird.
"Yeah, I know you, now get out. You're finally done and now you can leave…and make sure nobody sees you go." said Shimazaki's friend as he slapped a bandage over Shimazaki's tattoo. Shimazaki did that thing where he tried not to look like he was in pain but, well, he was in pain…and Sho would have done that for him. He would have put that on gently and made sure that it was on right and….and he wondered if he could poison the goldfish in his stomach if he drank enough. Maybe. He didn't know.
"You're just going to kick me out like that? After all we've been through? Who let you jab him over and over again with a sewing needle stuck to a pencil? Who braved infection after infection back when you were still learning your craft? Who was the first person you ever fu-" said Shimazaki
"Kid in the room! Kid in the room right there!" said Shimazaki's friend. Sho was not a kid! He was not a kid and…and he was ten and a half but….but he was not a kid. He held his empty beer can in his hand…and he did not throw it…even though he wanted throw it….but he knew that he couldn't. He knew that if he did then Shimazaki would ask him what was up and then…and then he would have to either lie or explain…and he didn't want to do either of those things…so he just held his beer can in his hands hard enough for the can to pop and crack.
"I know." Said Shimazaki. This time it was harder to keep from throwing the can…but he didn't. He just held it and…and ok, he crumpled it up, but that was still better than throwing it like a jerk. He could not be a jerk.
"Just…come on, man, you know why you can't be here. Thanks for the business and your company…and drinking all my beer…and now you have to leave before you get me shot…or worse." Said Shimazaki's friend
"Fine, fine, away we go. Come on Sho." said Shimazaki. He got up, got back into his clothes, and teleported away. The whole thing took less than a minute…and that was very fast…but time felt like it had gone slow. Time always went slow when Shimazaki teleported with him. He had to hold him and…and he just…Sho didn't know what was wrong with him. Well he was in love, he knew that he was in love, but there was something wrong with him. He should not have been in love with his best friend in the first place. He knew from what he had read that this was normal but….
Well it wasn't ok…not for him anyway.
Dad….well he didn't care what dad thought but….but he didn't! Dad didn't even like him so he didn't care what dad thought. Dad just…he had beaten up Shimazaki before and he could do it again and…and Sho didn't care if he ended up getting beaten up but he did care if something bad happened to Shimazaki. He was his best friend after all and…and stuff. So he just had to figure out how to fall out of love…it couldn't have been that hard….
It was a lot easier now, actually, because Shimazaki was wearing all of his clothes again.
"I'm so fucking glad that's done with. I always forget how long color takes." Said Shimazaki as he flopped down onto his bed. They were in his room now. Sho…he was happy to be in his room…even though he would have been happier being with big sis. His goldfish was all awake and alive and…and maybe the way to put it back to sleep was to go and hang out with big sis or at least be in his own room…but then he would have to be away from Shimazaki and…and he didn't know if he….well he did know…he just…
He sat down in Shimazaki's desk chair.
"Yeah….I'm glad too…" said Sho as he spun around in the desk chair. He spun back and forth, back and forth, he kicked off his shoes, too, and Shimazaki looked over towards the sound. His barrier was still down and he was feeling the bandage on his leg. He always got kind of out of it after he got his tattoo worked on. Sho had to be there, he decided, because he had to guard Shimazaki. He was glad that it was all over, though, because that meant that they wouldn't have to go and see Shimazaki's friend again….and also Shimazaki wouldn't need Sho to watch over him…and he was ok with that. He had to be.
"Next time you draw me something stick to black and white." Said Shimazaki as he laid down on his back under the sunlight from the window. He liked the way the sun felt…and so did Sho….and Sho could have gone over and laid down next to him and felt the sun and…and stuff….but he didn't. He stayed put…he made himself stay put.
"But….what's a color." Said Sho as he spun back and forth. He spun back and forth because he had to…even though he was starting to make himself feel sick. Maybe he was just feeling sick because he had drank a whole beer…or maybe he was just sick because of the stupid love goldfish in his stomach…or because Shimazaki was bleeding into his bandage…and also maybe….maybe he just needed to stop spinning. But he couldn't stop. If he stopped moving then he might have just….just done something stupid and gone to Shimazaki's bed and laid down in the sun next to him.
"Oh. Wait, no, it's not. I've heard people say that something's in black and white and that something's in color." Said Shimazaki. Sho shook his head…and maybe that was the wrong thing to do. Ok, now he had to stop. He stopped the chair and then…well then he had nothing else to do…and now he wanted to get up and…and he reached over and played with Shimazaki's comb. He had to do something and…and that was playing with his comb. He dragged his finger over the teeth….he wondered if it made a sound…he wondered if Shimazaki could hear it. If he was hearing it he wasn't acting like he could.
"Well it's more like black and grey…and that's just for TV…but I can draw you something in all black next time. I could even do the tattoo for you if you wanted me to." Said Sho. He was talking quietly and…and he knew that Shimazaki could hear him and…and he knew that he wanted to be heard. Even though he was talking like an idiot. He didn't know how to do tattoos and Shimazaki already had someone for that. Someone his age. Sho was just a kid and…and kids couldn't do tattoos…and stuff. He was still just a ten and a half year old kid and Shimazaki was almost thirty one….and he was not a kid….and he was twenty years older than Sho. He and Sho would never be the same age. He would always be older and no matter how much older Sho got….they could never be…well they were best friends. Sho was his best friend and he didn't have to be his…his tattoo guy. Best friend was going to have to be good enough.
"When you're older. I'm not handing you a tattoo gun at your age. You'd probably draw a dick on me or something." Said Shimazaki with a laugh. Sho almost threw the comb at him. He put it down on the desk, maybe too hard, but he had to put it down before he threw it. He would not…well drawing a dick on Shimazaki would have been funny…but he was not going to do something like that! He didn't want Shimazaki to dislike him…and he would have gotten pissed off. It was one thing to trick him into wearing a pink shirt or something but drawing a dick on him….that was way too much.
"I would not….I'm your best friend. Best friends don't do stuff like that to each other." said Sho. That would have been funny but…no. He knew that if it had happened to him, if Shimazaki drew a dick on him, then he would have been pissed off…well no, because Shimazaki was his friend, but if one of his other friends did that…not that anyone would….well he knew that he would have been pissed off.
"That's what Kei said, too, and then amazingly enough I wound up with a dick on my chest." Said Shimazaki. Sho….well he knew that Shimazaki got his tattoos messed up when he got healed and stuff…so he believed him…and also…he should not have been happy about this. About how his friend sucked as a friend for doing that to him…and stuff. He should not have been nearly as happy as he was.
"Oh….well then I guess that he must have been a pretty crappy friend if he just tattooed a dick on your chest without asking." Said Sho. He tried to sound like he didn't care, like he didn't feel like jumping up…and stuff. He was trying to be normal. He had to be very normal. He had to be the most normal….because normal people were not happy when the friends of their friends were jerks to them.
"It was my fault too. We were like fourteen or fifteen and I put way too much trust in him…and I was high as fuck….and maybe I should have stopped him when I felt him poking a dick into my chest but, hey, he covered it up….it's covered up…right?" asked Shimazaki. He pulled off his shirt and pointed to his chest where the dragon's head was. Sho…he had to lean in close to see…and it was ok for him to lean in this close. It was ok for him to lean in close enough that he could see….and not laugh….really not laugh…
Even though that was totally a dick.
Shimazaki flicked him over the head. Sho put the normal amount of distance between them. Now that he had seen it he couldn't unsee it. There, in the dragon's nose, was a dick. He could see it and…and it was ok to stare at it. It was ok to stare at Shimazaki's chest because he had, right there, a dick tattooed right on his actual skin and…and that was hilarious!
And also, because it was hilarious, it was ok to be sort of disappointed when Shimazaki put his shirt back on.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on. Get all of your laughter out. It is, objectively, hilarious." Said Shimazaki as he pulled his shirt back down over his head….and Sho…well he only cared because it had been funny…and that was all. He bit his tongue to keep from saying anything stupid like 'you don't have to wear a shirt if you don't want to' because that would have been so weird….the most weird…and he had to be normal….so normal….the most normal. Was falling out of love always this hard? Maybe it would have been easier if Shimazaki betrayed him, like how dad didn't love mom anymore because she had betrayed him, or maybe he would just never fall out of love. Like how Fukuda said that he used to love a girl but then she left and he never saw her again but he still thought about her every day. Sho really hoped and wished that he didn't end up like Fukuda….being in love for a long time and just…not being able to not be in love….
And also the whole being old and grumpy thing….he didn't want that either.
"Yeah it's funny…but I would never do that to you…if you let me tattoo you. I mean I like to draw and sometimes I draw on myself and I could draw on you….and you like the tattoo that I drew for you…" said Sho. He wanted to fall out of love but also…also he wanted to be….to be his tattoo guy. He was already his best friend but….but he could also…he was a good artist. There. That was why he wanted to do this. He wanted to do this because he was a good artist and…and he had been drawing for a long time…and tattooing was like drawing. Yeah! And also it was drawing in a way that Shimazaki would like. That he'd be able to enjoy. He could feel the drawing as it was poked….and stuff…..
"Fine. Once you figure out what you're doing then I can be your canvas…but figure out what you're doing, first. Stick and poke someone else because I am not sitting through another cover up job…and I am not going to Fukuda, either, that guy….God, I hate that guy…" said Shimazaki. Sho…well he knew that nobody really liked Fukuda…so he wasn't going to defend him…and he also wasn't going to lose it, either. Even though he felt like losing it. Shimazaki….he said that he could be his tattoo guy!
He didn't know how to be a tattoo guy.
But he could figure it out. He would just have to master his craft…and that meant practice…and he could do that! He could…well he would have to find someone to practice on, first. That was how he had gotten so good at drawing after all, always practicing, and he must have used a whole forest's worth of trees getting as good as he was now…but paper was easy to get. Human skin was harder to get…and he didn't even know where he would buy human skin…and also he didn't know where to get a tattoo machine either….but he would figure this out. He would figure it out and…and he could practice on himself…there. That was half the problem solved. Good. He could totally be Shimazaki's tattoo guy.
Because tattoos were cool, Shimazaki was cool, and he thought that Sho was cool enough to do his tattoos for him…and Sho was not going to let him down.