Alright, I'm not a complete wanker. I know how to treat women. Merlin, I have to, I was brought up in what my Mum calls a 'well-monied-family.' In other words, my Dad has a shite load of dough. His family tree is more like a family forest, it's that huge. Goes all the way back past the Saxons. Yeah, Saxons. Money. And lots of it. Somehow, in some way the family money stayed un-squandered (unlike most old families) and so my parents own (or did own) a huge house which vaguely looks like a wedding cake. Big, white and roman-looking. Courtyard and all. The only servant we have is a house elf which I never used to see but now, I happen to see very often. I stumbled across him while he was scrubbing the grass stains out of my jeans (I'd fallen off my broomstick. Again). I don't even know why I was in the laundry… oh, yeah, I remember. I'd hidden some Zonko's prank in my jacket pocket and forgotten about it. It only took me two seconds of stepping over the threshold to the laundry to discover that my Realistic Paint can had already been discovered. Accidentally. And I just happened to try walking through a door way that never really existed. The paint had covered the original door and painted an identical open door about two feet to the right. I can still remember the crunch sound as my nose hit the wall.

Anyway, I staggered into the laundry and there's Cuppy, bouncing up and down, squealing, splashing water and scrubbing away at the green stain on my jeans, singing in a terrible high pitched voice as he worked. I actually wondered why the glass in the window hadn't shattered. Then realized the window I was looking at was probably painted on.

'Mister Potter!' The ugly little thing tripped over his own foot and toppled backwards into the washing mashing, knocking the 'On' button as he fell. Wide eyed, I reached down into the groaning washing machine as it started to swish the clothes around and hauled Cuppy out by the back of the old towel he wore as a sort of toga and dumped him on the floor, watching him coughing up bubbles.

'You ok?'

'Y-yes Mister Potter… yes… Cuppy is fine, Cuppy… Cuppy is fine…' Staggering to his feet, he nodded at me and coughed again, a giant bubble floating up over his head. 'Cuppy will finish washing Mister Potter's clothes now, sir. Would sir like anything else?'

He was ugly, he really was. Vaguely resembling road kill. A huge snubbed nose, tiny eyes too close together, stringy blonde hair… I looked up and around. The paint can was on it's side below what I now realized was the fake window (as the giant bubble burst against what seemed to be clear air), completely empty. I sighed and shook my head, bending to scoop up the empty can in my hand. 'No thanks, I'm right. Thanks, Cuppy.'

He beamed at me as I walked out. House elves aren't too bright, but he's not bad to chat to.

Now the whole point of that story was this: I'm not a complete wanker. Most wizards treat their house elves like slaves. I actually offer to help mine, not that he ever lets me help. So why Evans and her little buddies hated me so much, I have no idea. The more they whinged about me, the more I tried to win them over. I'm not bad looking, there's no point in denying it. I hear it often enough every day. Besides, my hair does look good messed up!

So when Evans switched off her continuous PMS and offered me some help, I hid how surprised I was at the whole 'oh no, allow ME' and just smiled. But Merlin, my shock grew each day. That was until she hauled me aside after a particularly painful History lesson.

'Potter!' She had a grip of the collar of my robes so if I wanted to remain breathing, I had to follow her. Mind you, I couldn't resist cracking a funny.

'Is it privacy you're after, Miss Evans?' My voice was cut off just as I finished that oh-so-clever sentence as, with an agonizing yank and a squeak out of me, she half threw me into a spare classroom and shut the door firmly behind her.

I swallowed. Hard.

'Let's get one thing straight, Potter,' she said quietly, advancing on me. I'm sorry, she looked scary! 'I'm not interested in you. I'll never be interested in you-' Ouch. '-and I really do wish you'd just back off.'

I shook my head and snorted. 'I don't know what you're on about, Evans, but-.'

'Don't know what I'm on about?' She whipped out her wand and jabbed me in the nose. 'You're following me about, you're constantly talking to me, you're-.'

'ARE YOU HIGH?'

'Excuse me!'

'Bloody hell, Evans! I'm trying to be friends. Friends! Considering my best mate constantly has his tongue down your best friend's throat, and Remus is turning his life into some kind of fairytale with your buddy Bianca, I'd say I'm trying to make the best out of a bad situation! You're a snob, you're rude and you don't give anyone a second chance! You just assume that I'm some arrogant rich boy who has no idea what's going on. Don't you get it? The last six years or so, my parents have been out THERE! Fighting HIM! I could be an orphan at any second, I need them! They're all the family I have! So I'm sorry that I haven't had time to grovel and obey your every whim but I've tried, Merlin knows these last few weeks I've tried to be friends with you! But you're so wrapped up in your wonderful world of Lily that you can't see that I'm trying to jump into your pants! Here's an idea! YOU get over YOURSELF!'

I think I broke the door when I left the room.