'…'
Three dots meant that the other person was typing.
Three dots appearing and disappearing meant that the person was starting and stopping their thought. This was not a bad thing. This did not meant that the other person in the conversation did not want to speak to you. This just meant that they were formulating their thoughts. Not that Suzuki cared if the person on the other end of this conversation spoke back, or rather texted back, or not. Really he didn't. He didn't care at all and he was not staring at his phone watching three dots appear and then disappear over and over again.
He was fine.
Really he was. He was fine and he didn't care and…and he had other things that he could have been doing. There was always something that he could be doing. Even at this hour of the evening there were things that he could have been doing. He could have been looking over that day's problems, he could have been chipping away at his substantial to do list, or he could have been in the bath by now because it was getting late….and he could do all of those things but he just…he didn't want to. He was Suzuki Touichirou and he could do whatever he wanted and right now all he wanted to do was lay down on his bed while the television played something in the background and he stared at his phone. This was what he wanted to do. This and nothing else.
Really.
'…' appeared.
What was taking her so long? She had been replying almost immediately….maybe she was tired of talking to him. He did tend to go on, he'd been hearing that for as long as he had been speaking, and he was just…bad at conversation. That was why he had people in his life who were good at conversation. Like Fukuda. This was more like something that he would have been good at. This was reminiscent of note passing. He rarely started passing notes but he did reply and he liked to run his replies through Fukuda first. This was reminiscent of passing notes but it wasn't the same…and also he could keep up a conversation on his own…
Or at least he could try to.
Had he said something wrong? He scrolled up. He had been asking her plenty of questions, he had been told that when you didn't know what to say the best thing to do was to just ask questions, and she had been answering…but now she wasn't. Maybe it was because they had strayed from what could have been considered work talk. They had gone from her asking what had happened to all of her enemies, well most of them apparently there were still people that gave her trouble but they could be dealt with, and now they were on the subject of less serious matters.
Mainly her garden.
Well they had gotten here after he had asked her if the harden beetles in Osaka were always this bad. She assured him that they were and then sent him a picture of the damage that they had done to a fruit tree that she had been growing. A dwarf fruit tree, apples to be specific, and then that had led to a discussion on dwarf trees….not that he knew much about gardening but dwarf fruit tress had always been fascinating to him since his mother had planted some when he had been a child, and now they were talking about her garden still and…
'…'
He knew that he needed to do something else. He knew that he was being terribly unproductive, and had been for some time, and he knew that he needed to just…..find someone else to talk to if he absolutely had to talk to someone. That was new…well new and old. He had found himself craving the company of others again even though he had thought, before, that he had moved past such things. He had moved backwards, it seemed, and he should have been talking to Shigeko or Hatori or Fukuda, if he was around Suzuki had no idea where he went at night, but instead of talking to someone who it was alright to talk to he was just….talking to Shiori….Sakata….well he was trying to talk to her anyway….
'…'
Still just three dots appearing and reappearing. He had no idea what he was supposed to…well he could always message her again…but would that have been too much? He was Suzuki Touichirou, he could do whatever he wanted to, but he didn't much want to do the wrong thing. He wanted…well he wanted to talk to her…but he also wanted to stop talking to her. To not want to talk to her. Talking to her was satiating a need that he didn't like to have, the need to socialize, and since he had been talking to her then that need should have been realized but now…well now it seemed like the more he spoke to her the more he wanted to speak to her…and he should not have wanted to speak to her in the first place. Not just because he should not have wanted to talk to anyone, no, he shouldn't have been talking to HER in the first place…
He still had a wife.
He had a wife and he should only have wanted to talk to her…but she was gone…so that made the whole thing very difficult, talking to her, but he just…he felt his wedding ring. He still had this ring on his finger and…and he hadn't done anything wrong. Well not with this woman and…and he wasn't going to make the same mistake again and…and he just…he didn't like not knowing what he was doing. He didn't like not knowing what he wanted. He liked knowing, he needed to know, and not knowing….
"Damn it!"
Son said it, well shouted it, best. Damn it indeed. Suzuki could feel his Son's aura flaring, and he could hear him running out of his room, and he wondered what all of that was about. Hopefully nothing that he would make Shigeko deal with. His problems were his own and he did not need Shigeko to deal with whatever it was that he was doing. Suzuki wondered why Son was home…well it was late…but he had taken to spending time with Shimazaki and Fukuda, not at the same time though, and it was just…easier…when he was with one of them. Easier on Shigeko and easier on Suzuki too. Son was just so…much. Too much. Like now.
"Fuck!"
Suzuki had no idea where he had picked that up from…well probably from the company he kept…but still. He should have known better. Suzuki had told him time and time again to stop talking like that but did he listen? No. He was totally incapable of doing as he was told. He just cursed and cursed and cursed….and for no reason, too. Suzuki had no idea how Shigeko dealt with that. Suzuki could barely deal with that…and he wanted to deal with that. He was sick of listening to that…but he knew to let Shigeko deal with that. She was the in charge, there. She was the expert. He would just have been in her way. That was why he didn't come out of his room and see what was wrong.
It had nothing to do with what he was doing.
Not that he was doing anything. Sitting in his room and staring at the three dots on his phone wasn't doing anything….and he had so much to do. He could hear the children and he could tell by their, or rather Son's, aura that he maybe should have gone out there….but Shigeko knew what she was doing. He would never imply that she didn't know what she was doing. She did. She knew what she was doing and he thought the world of her…and he was going to leave this to her. He was going to leave her alone. What could he do that she couldn't? Well besides knock some sense into her brother…but she knew what she was doing.
"I don't want to take a bath right now!"
He had complete and total faith in her. She was so much like him in some ways…but also she was so like herself. She was a much calmer person than he was, on the inside, and she knew things that he didn't know. She may have been small but she had proven herself to him and….and maybe that was why he felt so…guilty? Guilt was not something that he liked allowing himself to feel. He just…he had no reason to feel guilty. It wasn't as though he was placing anyone above her…or avoiding her….so he just…he hadn't done anything to Shigeko but still there was this guilt and….
He just did not understand.
He didn't understand himself…but that was normal. Sometimes he got this feeling that he was born into this world but he had been meant to have been born into another. Like there had been some sort of mix up. He had thought of himself as a changeling when he had been small. He had been so…different….and he was so different still. He was just…even within himself he didn't always feel like he belonged. Like he just…was this person with a set of emotions and feelings and wants and they just came without rhyme or reason….or something. He didn't know…and he didn't like not knowing…..and he didn't like himself right now….
He put his phone off to the side.
"Sho, come on! You're been so good lately!"
He maybe should have dealt with that…maybe. He didn't know. He knew that he could have ended that, whatever that was, and he knew that if he did then Shigeko would have had a problem with that. She would have been upset with him and he didn't want that…but he also didn't want to have to listen to this…and he also didn't like waiting for things…and he also didn't like not understanding himself…and he just….there were a lot of things happening right now that he did not like. He didn't know what was wrong with him and…and maybe he had been in Japan for too long. He liked to spend as much time here as possible. It had been difficult, before, to even set foot in Japan…but now it was difficult to leave. This was his home, first of all, well not Osaka but Japan….and this was where he had lived with Masami…well not Osaka but Japan…and maybe he just needed to leave. Maybe he just needed to leave and…and he knew that if she didn't want to join Claw and he had no idea how to make her join without, well, doing the things that he usually did. He didn't want to harm her in any way…not that he cared about her….but he just…well he didn't know. He just knew that maybe the smart thing would have been to move but…well….
He hadn't tried everything.
"Sho, please, you need a bath! You smell bad!"
He didn't know what else he could try but he had to try something…or something. He didn't know. He closed his eyes. He could see Shigeko's aura there, pink and blue, and he could see Son's too, an overwhelming amount of red. He could see past them, to, over to the next house. Fukuda was gone off to wherever he went to at night, hopefully he wasn't wasting his time where he normally wasted his time…because he really did not need to waste his time like that, but he could feel….well the others were home…and it seemed like nothing of note was happening there. Everyone was stationary and calm…well Minegishi was usually stationary and calm.
He liked that about them.
Sometimes he felt like he was surrounded by idiots…and they were not one of them. The fighting…the constant fighting….they were never involved in that. Minegishi…she…well they…they were above that. Women generally were. He liked women who were. Well people in general. He liked people who were together. He liked people who were together in ways that he…well was not. That was just the sort of person that he was. It was human nature, wasn't it? Wanting things in another person that he did not have within himself? Not that he wasn't a complete person on his own…well he had always thought that he had been…but he didn't really want to have another person to complete him…and he….
He had a wife.
He stopped looking over at Minegishi and he stopped looking over at his phone. He was fine the way he was and…and he would continue to be fine just so long as he didn't….forget that he had a wife. Somewhere out there he had a wife and her name was Masami and he had already betrayed her once and he wasn't going to do it again…and he didn't want to. The things he did want…well those were just…things which existed within his mind…and not in reality…and that was that and…
And his phone vibrated.
'sorry. cat got out and I couldn't find him.'
Suzuki…he had no idea why he felt relieved. He had no idea why he liked the fact that she had offered up an explanation and….and that she hadn't tired of him. God. He felt like an adolescent again…and he had no idea why. He did not have feelings for this woman. He did not have any feelings at all for any woman who was not his wife. Also he didn't like cats. So therefore he could not have feelings for this woman because she liked cats and….and that hadn't stopped him from finding Masami and…and maybe she would have stayed if he had let her fill the house from top to bottom with pets and…and he could not think about this right now. He had other things to think about…to worry about….all sorts of important things of an important nature…importantly. Like…like building a network and…and that was what he was doing and…and he had no reason to feel guilty!
'I had complete faith that you would come back.' Said Suzuki. The second he hit send he realized that he had said something wrong….or stupid…or awkward…or something. He didn't know. He did know. He just…he wished that Fukuda had been there….or even Hatori…or someone who knew about these things. He should have thought before he spoke, well wrote, and he needed to…to maybe say something else…right now. He needed to figure out what to say right now!
'What sort of cat is your pet?'
There. Now she would forget about the last thing that he had said. She would be busy figuring out which of the many breeds of cat, and there were many if the documentaries he and Shigeko watched were to be believed, her cat was. She wouldn't have the space or mental energy to even read his original message. Yes. He was a genius…well he had always been told that he was a genius…but he was a genius and he didn't need help and he knew how to hold up a conversation. He did. There. The three dots were back and now she would take a long time to figure out what she sort of cat she had and-
She had sent him one of those emotion face things.
It was smiling and it's eyes were closed…and he had no idea what she meant by that…and now she was typing again and-
'and I had complete faith that you'd stay' Sakata said…and he had no idea how to respond to that. He felt…he didn't know how he felt. The windows rattled and the bed jumped…and that was just…he had no idea what that was about. He just…well of course she should have had faith in him. He was many things but he was not rude. He was not the sort of person who would just drop a conversation in the middle of…well a conversation. Maybe this feeling was…good? Because she knew that he was not that sort of person…or something. He didn't know. He wished that emotions came with an instruction manual or a tutorial or something.
Why did it always have to be this hard?
Not that there was an 'it' but…it had always been this hard. It had been hard, talking to women, even back when he had been young. It was so much easier to just get to know them by following them around, learning their habits as well as their likes and dislikes, and then acting accordingly. Running into them at places they frequented. Getting them gifts of things that they liked. Women liked these things…mostly….sometimes they told him to leave them alone…but that was at least something that he could understand. This was…well he had no idea what this even was…so of course he had no way of understanding….whatever there was to understand.
If there even was anything to understand.
'also her name is Hibiki and she's a Japanese bobtail' said Shiori….said Sakata. Suzuki…well he had no idea if that was a good breed of cat or a good name for a cat….and he didn't like cats….but he liked that she liked that cat…and also that it was a Japanese cat…and also it's tail was short which seemed odd…and he decided to settle on that. That seemed like something to talk about. She liked cats and he liked talking to her…purely for ally gathering reasons and nothing more, so that was what he would do. He would…just…say that.
'Your cat has a very short tail. Explain. Please.' The please came later. Please was a polite word and he was a polite man and he had to be one to her, well he always was, but now he had to be even more polite. He just…did not want to alienate her. He…enjoyed speaking to her…or at least testing to her…and this…this was alright. This was…well he wasn't even in the same room as her and that…well that was fine. This was fine. He and Shiori…he and Sakata…this…this wasn't anything. This was just…talking about…things…and that was fine and…and he had no idea why he felt…or even what he felt…or even…he had no idea.
'he was born it's a genetic defect and the point of the breed. They're also incredibly talkative. God, this cat…' said Sakata. She typed one message, then another, and then another…and now there wasn't even time for the three dots to appear. The words came so fast and…and he could barely read but…but this was good. The more that she sent the less thinking that he had to do…and he didn't want to do a lot of thinking right now. When he thought about her….about this…about whatever this was….well he thought things that he should not have been thinking of. Thoughts about her…about himself….and about Masami…well her absence…and the absence of his thoughts about her…until they came back and….and he just….he wasn't sure what to make of this and…
And there was a knock at his door.
He could feel it, there, her aura. She was standing there on the other side of his door. She both felt like she was standing right in front of him but also…also as though she were kilometers and kilometers away. He wanted…he wanted Shigeko to be there with him…and he wanted her to be far away from him…and he wants…he wants a few things and no things and all the things and none of the things and….and he just…
He had no idea what he wanted or…or anything.
"Hey dad? Sho doesn't want to take a bath tonight. Do you want to use his bathwater? It's still warm and he hasn't used it." Said Shigeko. Suzuki put his phone down, screen down, even though she was on the other side of the door. He was…he wasn't doing anything wrong….and that was…well he didn't…he just…he needed to focus on the events happening here, in the question that he had been asked, and that was just…what he was going to do now.
"Yes. Leave it for me. I'll be there in a moment." Said Suzuki. It took his a moment to find words…but he found them and that was worth the moment. He didn't have time to say anything else…well to think of anything else to say…and also there was nothing else to say. He just…he felt like he should have explained…but he had no idea why he wanted to explain anything. He just…he didn't know why he would explain to her, to Shigeko, and she just…and he just…he just….
He was going to take a bath.
He picked up his phone and….and he could have just left…but that would have been rude. That would have been just like walking away in the middle of a conversation and he was forty four years old, he knew better than to do that now, and he just…he needed to just…pick up his phone and tell her that he would be going and…and it should have been simple but…but it wasn't simple…well it was and…and he just…he needed to take a bath. That was simple…and that was what he was going to do…right now.
'I've enjoyed speaking with you but now I have to go. Thank you for the very enjoyable conversation. It has been enjoyable.' There. Was that good? Should he have said that it had been very enjoyable? Or maybe he should have said…another adjective? Or maybe he had said enjoyable too many times…maybe one very enjoyable was equivalent to three enjoyables…or something…..he didn't know. He didn't have a formula for this. He wished that he had one but….but he didn't and he just….he just had to figure….something….anything….out.
He didn't even know what it was that he was even trying to figure out.
'Talk to you again later?' said Sakata. There was nothing to figure out there but….well if that had been written down on a piece of paper he would have pressed it into his binder for Fukuda to dissect for him later. He had no idea what she could have meant by that besides asking if they could speak again…but he felt like….like she wanted…or maybe she was asking if he wanted or….or maybe he was just overthinking it…he didn't know. He never knew when it came to women, not even Masami, and even then when they had met he'd had Fukuda dissect their messages…well the few that there had been it had been murder typing on a phone back then….but Fukuda still knew what to do and…and Suzuki had no idea where he had gone and…and there was nothing at all to even look into.
Shiori just wanted to continue speaking to him.
He had no idea why she would want to talk to him, what she had in mind, what more they could possibly have spoken about….but he just…he wanted to continue talking to her. He wanted…well he wanted a great many things…and many of those he could never allow to happen…and he just….he just had no idea what to even….he just didn't know what to….what to do or…
He was overthinking this.
'Yes. I would be agreeable to that.' Said Suzuki. There. He had answered in the affirmative. That was what he wanted. He had made what he had wanted known and now he could go and take a bath, he needed it, and this was…this was what it was and what it was…well he had no idea what it was and…and now he could just put his phone down, he was worse about this than his children, and he could just take a bath and….yes. He would be doing that now and-
'…'
She was typing to him right now at this moment in time and…and he didn't know why. What else was there to say? He had told her that he was going and she had asked to speak to him again and he had answered in the affirmative and…had she changed her mind? The room shakes. The room shakes and he shakes. He shakes and he just…he has no idea what to make of this. He had no idea what to make of…of anything. He just…he knew that he should have put his phone down but the three dots were back and-
'Looking forward to it. I'm up until eleven if you want to talk some more.' Then she sent him another one of those emotion face sticker picture…things…and he just….he put his phone down and went to take a bath. That was what he was going to do and he needed to bathe for…for basic hygiene…and basic hygiene was very important. Yes. More important than talking. More important than…whatever it was that he felt…that he had no reason to feel and…and he just…he felt…he felt like he needed a bath. So he put his phone down and kept it down…even though he wanted to say something more…but if he said something more then he would be stuck on his bed, again, waiting for those three dots to return.
He both loved and hated those three dots.