Suzuki Touichirou didn't always take the advice that he was given.
He knew that Fukuda kenw more about these things than he did and he knew that he should have listened to him…and he was planning on listening to him. Just…later. A little later. Just…he knew that he should have just stopped talking to Shiori all together but…well that seemed sort of…impolite. To just stop talking to someone like that. That was just…not polite and he knew that he could say and do whatever he wanted but he wasn't an impolite person.
At least not to women.
Which was why he was here. The same meeting place. He couldn't just stop talking to Shiori because it was impolite and it…set a bad example for his children. Yes, that was a thing too. He couldn't act in ways that he wouldn't want his children to act…and other such reasons. Which was why he was at the same meeting place, alone, and she had agreed to come alone too. He could defend himself if the need came. He was the most powerful esper in the world after all…he just didn't like to do these things himself. The less people saw of what he could do the better. Yes, he knew that coming alone wasn't an intelligent move, it was essentially gambling with his life…
But it was better than the alternative.
The alternative was Shigeko finding out about any of this. She was…there was no one that he would ever put above her. He loved her and…and she loved him and he knew that she knew that he loved her….but Fukuda had also brought up a good point. She must have realized that he had been in danger of putting someone above her…not that he ever would but…his feelings here were very complicated and not something that his Daughter needed to know about. She was only eleven and she didn't need to know that her own father could be this sort of person. She didn't need to know that her father was the sort of man who would develop feelings for another woman…one who was not his wife…
The less Shigeko knew the better.
Which was why he came alone. His bodyguards were her best friends…and also neither Shimazaki nor Shibata could keep anything to themselves. Shigeko would take this the wrong way…well all of Claw would, but it was her that he was afraid of losing…and he would examine that later. His life's work was Claw but it was her opinion of him that worried him the most…and this was not something that he had to worry about now. He had enough to worry about now.
Like the aura getting closer.
He sat up straighter and did his best to smooth his hair down. It stood up, it always stood up, and that was why he kept it so short….and it was short enough that it didn't look bad…but he still felt like it looked bad. It felt like it looked bad and…and he smoothed his eyebrows down too…and he hated the way he looked. He really hated everything about the way he looked from his eyebrows to his hair texture to his hair color to the freckles that dotted his skin…mostly on his back and shoulders….not that she would see his back and shoulders…not that he wanted her to see his back and shoulders…not that he would ever let himself want her to see his back and shoulders….or any part of himself…and it wasn't like he wanted to see any part of her….
He couldn't want to.
So he decided to stop thinking about this. He took all thoughts that he should not have been having and cast them out. He didn't want to or need to think about that….so he didn't. Instead he focused on the sound of her footsteps and the feel of her aura and…and he focused on himself. Usually he stayed seated when someone approached him, getting up was a show of equality and he wasn't equals with anyone baring Shigeko, but now…he got up. He got up and opened the door for her…and then he bowed, too, because it was polite. His back hated that, it really hated that, but he did it anyway. That was just the polite thing to do…and he was always polite…to women at least.
Because he didn't like being thought of as impolite.
"Well aren't you a gentleman, Suzuki-san." Said Shiori as she walked up to him He straightened out and she bowed back. She held two cups of tea in her hands but as she bowed she let her powers hold them…and he met so few telekinetic people of skill…and that was a display of skill. True skill. Fine movements, being able to hold two cups of hot tea without spilling them, now that was a show of skill.
"And you're very skilled, Sakata-san." Said Suzuki. Women liked to be complimented so he complimented her…and that was only a compliment. He didn't think that she would…well he didn't think that she would feel the same way he did…not that he was feeling anything. He was just feeling…things which he was feeling…
What was he feeling?
He felt…warm. He felt warm and just…happy. He felt warm and happy and…and this was nice. This was nice and he just…he knew that it was wrong to feel this nice. It was wrong to look at her and feel…warm and nice. Her hair was so long and black and it looked so soft…and her face was soft…she had a softness to her that he liked…and her dress looked soft…and it was green. He had never thought about the color green this much, about her favorite color, but he liked it…and maybe he should have brought her something green….because something green would have made her happy…and there is a part of him that wants nothing more than to make her happy….
Fukuda was right. It had been a while for him.
She smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. He wondered if those were real emeralds set into her earrings. He wondered if she liked emeralds. He wondered if she liked them and if she would have wanted...and now he knows that he's thinking of her in terms of courtship. He knows that he's thinking of how he's going to make her happy, happy enough to be his, and he wants…he knows that it's been a while and…and that's it and…
And she smiling.
His heart smacks into his rib cage.
"I got you some black tea. I figured you'd want some, especially after what your kids put you through. I still can't believe your son filled your house with snakes." Said Shiori. She smiled and handed him a cup of tea with her powers. This was a paper cup with tea that came from a place he was not familiar with…but he didn't care. He had said, off hand, that he had no idea why Shigeko liked black coffee when black tea was superior…and Shiori had remembered. Not only that but she had remembered what he had said about Son and the snakes and….and that was just….this was just…
He had said things and she had remembered them.
"He did…well there weren't that many snakes but I consider one snake to be too many." Said Suzuki. He wondered if he had said the right thing. This wasn't tying. He couldn't just change his mind after he'd said something and delete…and he didn't have time to even properly formulate what he was going to say…and he hadn't even said that much but…but he still felt like he had said something completely ridiculous and…
And she smiled.
"Same. Sometimes my cat brings them in from the garden and I'm just like 'why are you doing this to me?' and….yeah. Snakes are the worst." Said Shiori. She smiled again, or maybe she had never stopped smiling, and he never wanted her to stop smiling and…and she was just so…well she was very pretty and he wished that he could stop seeing her as being pretty. He wished that he could stop seeing her for what she was, a beautiful woman, and he wished that he could have seen her the same way he saw everyone else. A potential ally or enemy or…or something….
"They are…do you want to sit down?" asked Suzuki. He pulled all the chairs out from around the table just so that she would have options as to where she wanted to sit…and just so that she would pick somewhere that wasn't beside him but…
But she sat down in the chair closest to her.
That chair was beside the chair closest to him…so manners dictated that he sit down beside her. He was many things but rude was not one of them. So there he was, sitting, in the chair beside hers and…and he was fine. She was there and he was there and….and she was close enough that he could smell her perfume…either that or she had been working in her garden….and he wanted to ask…but he had no idea why he wanted to ask….or if it even was ok to ask….but he had to say something….
Because something had to be said.
"Were you working in your garden today? Because you smell like it. It's a good smell." Said Suzuki. He wished that Fukuda had been there, he was better at talking to people, but of course he hadn't brought Fukuda with him. Fukuda would have said that this was a bad idea…and rightly so. This was a bad idea. This whole thing was just a bad idea and…and he didn't need people to know that he had done this…that he had met with a potential enemy alone…one which he might have had feelings for.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I was trying to get some work done before it got too hot out. I cannot wait until winter let me tell you. Well winter is good for me but not the plants, especially the new ones. I just put in some roses, actually, and some succulents too." Said Shiori. There was some dirt on her fingernails. In the nailbeds. She had been working…and she had shown him pictures of the progress that she had made. She had taken out some dying dwarf lemon trees and added some living rose plants. She had been working on this for a while. Suzuki had no interest in gardening but he did like to see her happy.
Well feel it.
Because she had an aura. She had an aura and it felt happy…and he had forgotten what it was like to share in another person's aura. Like this, he meant, like…like he should not have been doing. He had shared in Pang-san's aura when they had been together…and that had been the most intimate intimacy that he had ever felt in his life…and he needed to stop thinking about that. Even if auras made everything easier. Auras were easier to read than tones and words and faces and actions. They never lied. They didn't come with a set of instructions that he had never been taught. He instinctively knew how to read them and the people that they were attached to.
And right now he was reading her as being very happy…and he didn't know why but he knew that he wanted her to keep on feeling like this.
"I remember, you told me." Said Suzuki. He wondered what his aura looked like to her. He had been trying to keep it neutral but…but it was hard. It was hard to keep his aura neutral when she was right there. She was right there and she was sitting beside him and…and he could have sworn her hand moved closer to his…and she was…her aura had flared there. Not angrily, no, just…it had flared and now…well now she was taking a drink and…and he got the feeling that this was the real life version of the three dots from their conversations.
But what was there for her to even think about?
"You do?" asked Shiori after what had to have been the world's longest sip of tea. She seemed….well it seemed as though she was trying to keep her aura neutral just as he was…and it seemed as though she was having just as much trouble and he was…and he didn't understand her one bit…or maybe he did and he didn't realize it…if they were in the same boat but….no. He was being ridiculous.
"Yes. I remember the things you tell me. The succulents were fascinating to me. I had thought that they were cacti, they look very similar." Said Suzuki. He was just making words at this point. He had to say something, she had said something to him, and not saying something back would have been rude….but in just saying something he had made himself out to be a moron. He had done research when she had shown him pictures of her succulents. He knew that they, or at least the kind that she had, were a type of cacti….and now of course she wouldn't join him. She must have thought that he was a moron. She must have been planning in her mind right now how she could possibly get out of this room without offending him.
"Well they are a type of cacti. It's hard to get them to grow here, without cholorokinesis anyway. Or maybe I'm just not much of a gardener." Said Shiori. She twisted a strand of her hair when she said that…and he had to say something…something other than asking if he could touch her hair…because it was so soft looking but women didn't generally respond well to men asking to touch their hair…but he had to say something…the seconds were ticking by. Come on, Touichirou, you speak Japanese. Make words already. Preferable ones in Japanese. Preferably ones which make sense and match the current conversation.
"No, no, you're a very good gardener. I like those giant sunflowers you grew and…and I already told you about the succulents…but I also think that it's amazing that you've grown so many food plants…vegetables I mean. I mean that you're very fascinating and amazing and I enjoy it when you tell me about your garden." Said Suzuki. He felt like he might have been edging close to a line. He felt like maybe he had getting close to…something…but he had no idea what. It wasn't as though he had told her that she was one of the most beautiful women that he had ever seen and that she had made her way into his dreams both normal and otherwise. It wasn't as though he had asked her to go to bed with him…and he needed to stop thinking about that….and about everything else…he was acting like a hormone addled adolescent. He was an adult now, he was Suzuki Touichirou, and he had to act like it.
"That's really flattering, actually. I can't imagine that I'm that interesting to you…of all people. I mean, alright, you're Suzuki Touichirou. You've traveled the world and built the biggest esper organization in history, I can't believe that my little old garden is of any interest to you." Said Shiori. She was still smiling…and her eyes met his…and he looked away. She had brown eyes, a common shade of brown, but a beautiful shade of brown nonetheless and…and he needed to just…get a hold of himself.
"It is…I mean you are…I mean that you are a fascinating woman." Said Suzuki. There. He hadn't gone over the line…and there was a line. The line was…touching her. Yes, just so long as he didn't touch her then…then he would be fine. Even though she was close enough to touch. Even though if he had wanted to he could have taken her hand…and the rest of her…and he needed to stop thinking about this. This was not the time or the place to be thinking about these things because there was no time and there was no place…because he was a married man.
Ring on his finger.
"Well you're a fascinating man. I've been watching your career for a while, but I told you that already, and I have a lot of respect for you but my answer is still 'no'. I have spent too many years of my life working for people more powerful than me. I want to be the boss for a little bit. It's nice." Said Shiori. Her hand was on the table…..and it was beside his. His ring hand. His non dominant hand. She was there and…and her hand was so close. There wasn't a ring on her finger, on either of her hands, and she had never been married…but he was married…he was married and part of him wished that he hadn't been…and then part of him wished that h could exorcise the part of himself that wished that he hadn't been married. He loved Masami. He was loyal to her…and he was never going to sleep with anyone else ever again…and he meant it this time.
"I…understand that…but you would have a degree of autonomy-" said Suzuki. It was difficult to order his thoughts now. Her fingernails were green. He so wished that they had been red, the shade of red that he was accustomed to seeing, because if they had been Masami's shade of red then she would have been Masami and the thoughts that he had racing through his mind….they raced and they raced and they raced….would have been alright because Masami was his wife….and Shiori was not his wife…and he just…
He wanted his wife…and he wanted Shiori….and since he couldn't have either of those people he had no clue what he even wanted.
"But not as much as I have now…so my answer is no. Thank you for getting rid of my enemies for me, that was very kind of you, but my answer is still no. So unless you're planning on using your normal diplomatic methods my answer is still going to be no." said Shiori. That no….it hurt…but the idea that he would…well if she had been a man of course he would have…but she was not a man, she was a woman, and he could never treat a woman like that.
"I…will not be doing so." Said Suzuki. There. That was the end of their conversation and now…well not she would be going. Out that door and out of his life forever…and that would be for the best. Even Fukuda had told him that it would be for the best and Fukuda rarely overstepped when it came to life advice these days. Anything he felt for this woman was purely physical and…and he just needed to…well he was just sexually frustrated because Masami was gone, that was all.
"Alright then, I'm glad that we understand each other." Said Shiori. There was another pause, another tea break, and Suzuki decided to mirror her actions. This really was good tea. He'd have to have this again if he was ever in Osaka…not that he knew why he would ever be in Osaka. Once he left this room then he would never have another reason to come here…and it would be better that he never came back anyway. He was thinking some very unhusbandly thoughts right now and…he looked down at the ring on his finger.
And so did Shiori.
"Hey Suzuki-san, can I ask you something?" asked Shiori. Her eyes were in his ring but her aura was on him. He had no idea what she could have possibly been planning on asking him. His mind was alive with the possibilities…but he hadn't taken leave of his senses just yet. He knew that she wasn't going to ask him to take that ring off, pick her up, sit her down on that table, and then….well all of the things that usually happened when one sat women down on tables.
"If you want to." Said Suzuki. He prayed to whatever God as listening that she didn't secretly have telepathy…because if she did then he knew that a well-deserved slap in the face was coming to him. A good, hard slap in the face with all the force that she could possibly muster…because the thoughts that he was thinking about her were in no way the sorts of thoughts that she would have wanted him to be thinking of her….not that she wanted him to be thinking of her at all in any way whatsoever.
"Is that a wedding ring?" asked Shiori. Suzuki looked down…even though he knew that his ring was the same as it had been for the past…almost twelve years now. The same plain gold band that he had been wearing since his wedding day. He didn't know why she would have mistook it for anything other than a wedding ring.
"It is." Said Suzuki. There was an ebb to her aura. She reached a hand down to his. He stayed perfectly still. He didn't know if he could trust himself to move. If he moved then he might have ended up either batting her hand away or taking her hand in his…and neither of those seemed like good options right now.
"Is it real?" asked Shiori. Her hand was still hovering over his. It took him a moment to remember words, how they worked, and how to put them together. Most of his mental space was taken up by just how…how close…she was to him. How her hand…despite the callouses it seemed so soft…and her fingernails were so green…but there was a chip in one…and he wanted to rest the pad of his finger on her nail just to see what it felt like, that chip there, and then he wanted to rest his entire hand onto hers…and stopping himself took most of his mental energy. He hardly had any left to even formulate a response.
"It's eighteen carat gold." Said Suzuki. It was real, he knew that it was real, but it had taken him a moment to formulate a response…but now her aura….there was a quirk to her aura there…a curious one…and he had no idea what she would have been curious about. She was the one holding her hand over his. Hovering her hand over his. If anything he was the one who should have been curious. If anything he was the one who should have been asking the questions…but he wasn't. He couldn't. He just…couldn't. He knew that if he asked, if he misinterpreted what was happening, then he would have ended up ruining the whole thing…and he had no idea what this was, exactly, but he did know that he didn't want it to be ruined. This…moment…or conversation…or series of moments…or series of conversations….or just…whatever this was that he was living through right now would just…cease…and he didn't want it to cease.
He didn't.
"No, I mean…is there a Missus Suzuki?" asked Shiori. Her hand was still hovering over his…and he pulled his hand away. Of course he had a wife, why else would he be wearing a wedding ring? Well back when they had been younger it had been a thing to wear a wedding ring to attract women but the whole thing had always seemed so dishonest…and he was many things but he was not dishonest…but still! Of course there was a Missus Suzuki and….and Masami may have been gone but….but as far as he knew she was still alive somewhere…and she would have been so upset if she knew what he had been thinking…but she didn't know but she couldn't read minds…even though sometimes it had felt like she had expected him to…and she had left some time ago anyway and…and it wasn't as though she was going to go bursting through that door incensed at the state that he was in and…and he didn't want to talk about Masami or think about Masami.
"There is…but she has been…we have been separated for some time now." Said Suzuki. There. That was the whole story of it. He and Masami were married but separated. Now they could talk about literally anything else. Now they could go their separate ways. Now there were literally an infinite number of things that he could do….
"Oh…how long?" asked Shiori. Why did she still want to talk about it? What difference did it make how long? He still had Masami and…and he still loved her…even if she had left him. Even if she had betrayed him. Even if she had left the children. Even if she had betrayed the children. Even if…even if she had been gone for him for the past almost half decade…she was still his…and he was still hers…and he had to always remember that.
"Why do you need to know?" asked Suzuki. He had no idea what she was getting at but he did know that whatever she was getting at he needed her to get to it already. He didn't want to talk about the woman he was married to with the woman he imagined, and had imagined for some time, doing a number of things with that married men did not do with women who were not their wives. He just wished that she would get to the point already.
But sometimes she had trouble getting to the point it seemed.
When they messaged each other she often let the three dots just stay there on the screen. He got the feeling that he was witnessing the live action version of that now. She was drumming her fingers on the table and sipping her tea, lots of short sips, and now she was staring at him…and when he stared back she looked away….and her aura had no idea what it wanted, it seemed. It got close to him, then it pulled away, and then it got close again, and then it pulled away again…and the whole her eyes danced all over the room…
And he was getting a little dizzy from all of this to be honest.
"Because you and I have been talking nonstop for a while now…and I like it. Now you've met with me in person…and I like it…and I just wanted to know where you wanted this to go." Said Shiori. She spoke quickly like she was worried that they were on a time limit. Well she had used the word 'go' and he knew what that word meant…but he had no idea what it meant in the context of this conversation. He knew that she didn't mean to physically go somewhere…she meant their relationship…or whatever this was….but she had said no and that was the end of it….and now he was looking too far into this as he tended to do. She didn't mean what he thought that she meant.
"Go?" asked Suzuki. He needed to get onto the same page as her. She was saying things that he didn't understand and…and he needed to understand what it was that she was saying…because otherwise he was going to make a complete and total idiot of himself.
"Yeah, you know, go. I've spent most of my life surrounded by powerful men and usually they only want one thing from me and they've usually asked me about that by now. You haven't. You…I like you. Talking to you. I like this and I want to know where you're planning on going with this." said Shiori. He knew what she meant…at least he thought that he knew what she meant. He knew that when a woman said that a man was only after one thing that thing was sex…and he wasn't after sex with her…well he had been thinking about it almost nonstop since he had met her but he wasn't actively pursuing it…and now he just…had he given her that impression? And how did he fix it? By being truthful….but what if he was wrong? He had to tread lightly. He was on his own in this situation. Completely and totally on his own…what he wouldn't have given to have had Fukuda there beside him…even if he would have just overstepped and told Suzuki that he was being a complete and total moron right now.
"I…wasn't planning on anything." Said Suzuki slowly. He really hadn't been….and he had no idea what she thought that he had been planning…well he had some idea…but if he told her what he thought then she would have either said, yes, she had thought that he had been planning on going to bed with her….or she would have given him a well-deserved slap across the face for opening his mouth.
"Well…neither was I. Well I didn't come here with a plan or anything. I just wanted to talk to you in person again…and I have…and I also was wondering if you wanted this to go somewhere." Said Shiori. Suzuki…was bad at words….but he got the feeling that he was hearing her loud and clear…but he couldn't have been. She knew that he was married and…and he knew that he was married and…and the subject of marriage had been brought up and settled…
"Go…somewhere?" asked Suzuki. He must have been wrong. This was why he shouldn't have been talking to people without Fukuda there. He had no idea what she meant. Well he had some idea but he knew that his idea must have been wrong….and even if he had been right about what she wanted…well he still would have been wrong….because she was…she wasn't asking him to…and it wasn't like he was going to say yes to….and this was just….he really wished that he had brought Fukuda, or someone, with him.
"Yes…I mean you and your wife are separated and…and you're a really nice guy, nothing like what people say about you, and I had the feeling that you might have been into me….I mean men generally don't text you nonstop at all hours of the day and night if they aren't…so I was just wondering if you wanted to go somewhere with this…and I wouldn't be opposed to…going somewhere with this. It doesn't have to be anywhere serious….but I would like to go somewhere." said Shiori
"I….I…" said Suzuki. Words. You know how to speak, Touichirou, and you need to make words right now. Come on, even a toddler would have had better speech skills than you. Just ask her what she means. Come on, it isn't difficult. You know how to speak so do it already. Do it before she says something else that you have to think up a reply to. Come on, you're supposed to be a genius, aren't you? Well then put that hyper cognition to the test and figure out what it is that you're supposed to say to this woman already!
"Do you want to come over and see my garden maybe? In person, I mean." Said Shiori. Her hand was on his and…and he had no idea…of anything. He loved Masami and…and that wasn't Masami's hand over his…it was Shiori's and…and he got the feeling that she had asked for more than him to come and see her garden in person…but…but that would have been…if she had wanted more than she had said then she would have asked him for more and…and he had no idea what was making him overthink…even though he got the feeling that he wasn't overthinking and….
And he couldn't see his wedding ring anymore.
"I….that would be…acceptable. I would be amenable to that…I mean. Seeing your garden." Said Suzuki. He wasn't going to do anything. Right or wrong he wasn't going to do anything. It wasn't as though he was going to wind up dead. It wasn't as though he was going to be ambushed and killed, it simply wasn't possible, and that…was the only concern to be had about this…really. He was a married man, he knew that he was a married man, and he knew better than to let his senses leave him…again. He was fine. The real danger was in him getting ambushed and murdered…and nothing else….nothing at all like what had happened before….
He knew that he should have listened to Fukuda, he knew more about these things than he did, but Suzuki…well he knew himself and he knew that nothing was going to happen. Nothing at all.