On to the next chapter. I've left Raphael hanging for some time now, I know. Now we also get to some scenes that aren't as nice and cuddly as the others. As I stated in my warning, and the reason for the rating, this story is with torture and violence, so if you've kept reading, but really don't want to read it, I'll suggest you skip it here. It could be worse, but I'm not here to make people sick.

If you continue reading, enjoy…

"Leo isn't dead!" Raphael screamed at the Shredder, making his enemy pause, "He's still alive, isn't he?"

Shredder slowly turned around, starring into Raph's eyes. Suddenly, a hard laughter broke through the hallway.

"I assume you got your idea through the alarm," the nemesis chuckled, "But it's nothing but a simply experiment on the loose." Shredder got closer, his hands placed on the hips to look at the turtle.

"You're all alone-"

"No, LIAR!" It wasn't over, it couldn't be over. If it was, why couldn't he just have stayed in the bloody room to await his doom? Something had dragged him out on the hallway, something had told him to react. But - the young turtle was slowly loosing faith. Shredder was probably right. Somehow, it all seemed like a dream. Raphael had never thought something could end his eternal rage. The fire burning inside him, causing him to get into fights with his brothers all the time was gone - for the first time in his life. He couldn't feel it anymore.

Shredder smiled behind the mask. His victory was there, finally. Sure, Leonardo was somewhere in the building, along with his experiment, but the creature wasn't to the turtle's aid. And Leonardo couldn't stop him now. It was time to go to plan B, what the whole mission had held as a purpose. With a snap with his fingers, the Foot soldiers around him moved away, leaving Raph on the floor.

"It is time to finish what I have started," the Shredder said in a serious voice, cracking his knuckles. His eyes were closed, leaving nothing but an empty black hole for Raph to look into. But that didn't even matter anymore. What would usually have been replaced with hatred, or maybe even fear, was still the emptiness covering him. He didn't even use energy to get up to stand, but only pushed himself up in a sitting position. All his senses were at their lowest.

Until his head was pushed backwards, and a sharp pain shot through him, as Shredder's foot connected with his jaw, sending the turtle through the hall. Raphael coughed as he felt blood going down his throat, almost choking him. The kick had surprised him - but he still couldn't fight. When he told his body to get up, it never did as it was told. Instead, images started running through his head.

'You wanna know, what's buggin' me? That I can't live my damn life by myself', his own voice cried in his mind.

'Go home, Leo'

'Who are you to decide that? Yeah, you're my brother and the leader, but that doesn't give you the right to decide where I go!'

'Just stay away from me, Leonardo... Just stay out of my life'

What had he done? Raph's body started to shake violently. Why couldn't he just be dead? Why wouldn't Shredder just hurry up? How had it ever come to this? They had been so close when they were kids, all of them. Taking care of each other, helping each other - and he had looked up to Leo. But he had done that all of his life. He had never accepted the fact that his big brother was his idol. Little Splinter Junior… He still couldn't believe what had happened. Had he simply gotten… worse through the years? It had to be it. His constant search for being the best had taken over. He had always thought, he would be the leader, always. But seeing that their farther and master had already chosen, maybe tat was what made him angry. That he had no chance to prove himself better, no matter how hard he tried. It was like he had lacked a place in the family somehow. Leonardo, as the oldest brother, and the most determined turtle, the leader and the one to look after everything, had his place. Michelangelo had found his place as the youngster, the one that people turned to, when they needed a good laugh. He was always open to everything, ready to cheer you up in even the worst of times. And Donatello - of course, he would fit in too. He could fit in everywhere, with his quiet nature and ability to impress everyone with his knowledge.

But what did he possess? Nothing. He had just somehow been there, with no purpose whatsoever. Only to ruin everything for everyone.

His thoughts were abruptly cut off, when the two blades on Shredder's hand went through his stomach, cutting through the plastron and digging deeper into his flesh. The pain was overwhelming. Raphael's throat tried to let out a scream, but all that escaped him was a hiss. Everything became blurry, it was like he would pass out. He just didn't. Shredder pulled him up with the blades still inside him, making the pain worse, until he was sent flying towards the nearest wall. The two blades left his body easily.

Without a sound, Raph landed on the ground with a thud. Why was it taking so long? Why was his body still holding on to stay awake? In the distance, he could hear Shredder's footsteps. He wasn't sure, if they got closer or not, until he opened his eyes, seeing the shadow right before him.

"By the way," Shredder smirked, as he grabbed Raph by the bandana and forced him to look up, "Thanks for letting your brothers to me…"

The fire was back. Great and fierce. With a cry, Raph shot himself upwards to hit Shredder, only to find his body too weak to carry his weight. And he would have plummeted to the floor, if it hadn't been for a large hand grabbing him by the neck, stopping the air from coming into the turtle's lungs.

Now he was to blame for killing Donnie and Mikey too… Why had he called them, he thought he was during the right thing! He was a failure, down to the bone. He had destroyed his family. Even after how he'd been all these years, they still came to his aid. Unbelievable. Now there was surely no purpose in living - so why was he struggling?

The turtle fought with all of his might to get out of the tight grip, his throat and eyes burning.

He just wanted to die, now, but his body wouldn't stop fighting. As the world blackened, the sounds around him vanishing quickly, the grip disappeared and let the turtle fall. Raphael heaved in the air desperately, barely conscious. Everything was still black, but it was slowly coming back to him. The pain in his body was increasing, but he was turning weaker every second. Raphael tried to get up, just a little bit, but the blood loss had gotten too much - he was slowly drifting away. And still, his heart was beating faster than ever. It was like it raced frantically. Don had told him why once. There was a scientific reason for the body to behave that way, when you were loosing too much blood, but Raph simply couldn't remember. He couldn't even focus anymore. But the pain was going away, making his body feel like it was drifting in the air. He couldn't feel or see his surroundings anymore. He could hear them, but all that was left was a maniacal laughter…