Drabble thingy...I don't even know what the hell I was thinking when I wrote this.

By the way, I own YYH...not.

Someday Now


"Someday Hiei, you'll understand what I feel for you. Maybe you understand it even now. I don't know, but I believe so. One day, you will not scoff lightly at my feelings for you. You will understand this love."

And he walked off, just like that. He walked out on me, out of my life. Or so I thought. I was happy at first. Happy that he was gone forever. Happy that he would not be there to chide at my coldness. Happy that he would not be there anymore to infuriate me.

But then slowly emptiness ate away at my heart. In all that I did, I felt his absence. When others talked to me, I heard only his voice. When I looked around me, all I saw was crimson hair. In others' eyes, I saw verdant orbs filled with laughter and longing. Some nights I woke up with his lilting laughter in my ears while others his last sentences left my ears ringing. It made me angry, reckless and bloodthirsty. I was frustrated to no end.

Why, you ask, am I telling my feelings to you? Maybe because he always told me express myself. Damn hypocrite he was. All the while he was hiding from others what he really felt. How many nights have I waked up with his pants and gasps echoing in the crisp night air? I know his dreams, his nightmares, and his fears although he never said anything. But he never told me, you or anyone else. And yet, he was the one always asking me to. Damn charlatan.

What has that got to do with this? You idiot, that was the fucking reason why he's gone! He could not handle his feelings for me or anyone else. When he said he's leaving, I told him to stay away! But no, he did not! He just had to come back then!

Calm down? How the hell do you expect me clam down? It's all my fault, Yusuke…all my fault. If I had not fought those bastards in my condition that day, he would never have died! He should never have stepped in front of me. He should never…

I know, Yusuke…I know he loves me…stop saying it…I don't want to hear it….

You know…Kurama…I think I do understand. You may be right all along although you were not sure. Even now I still don't understand your trust and belief in me. But you are right. I can no longer ridicule and mock your feelings for me.

Bacause now I finally realize I understood it from the beginning. After all, I have always felt it. I was always aware of your every touch, you every smile, your laughter, your sincerity and your everything.

I'm sorry. I've always been lying; to you and most of all to myself. I guess denial's not so sweet when I lost to the person I've denying myself to. No, it's definitely bitter.

But each and every time I drink up that bitter taste, I don't think I can feel that harsh reality anymore. Maybe you're right beside me all the time. But then it made me miss you more because you're so near yet infinitely far.

But I wish I can hold your hand at least once.

Yep, definitely depeche mode...wanna share my mood with me/grin/ Review and we share the dark cloud above my head together.