The LAOAFVFTDOEIE: Now Accepting Applications! Chapter 5, a x-overs fanfic

The LAOAFVFTDOEIE – Now Accepting Applications!
Chapter 5 – Sadamara-Suh

"Next candidate!" Raistlin called. The door opened, and Cool Mint and Sacher Torte wheeled in a television and VCR upon a cart. The High Council o' Much Evilness blinked in unison.

"A TV?" Dilandau questioned, pausing in his attempt to set the table on fire.

Cool Mint tucked his Rose of Death into the scarf around his head and dropped down to his hands and knees, hunting along the stone wall for an electrical outlet. Dalamar gestured at the television, and it sprang to blue-screened life.

"Thank you, my lord." Sacher shoved a videotape into the VCR, and he and Cool Mint scurried out the door.

Sauron stared at their retreating backs. "What could be on yon video that is so evil that they beith more afraid of it than of us?" he wondered. The Council shrugged, and focused their attention as the video began, flashing images of people crawling on the ground, a man standing with a towel over his head, a close-up of an eye, etc. etc, you all know the video.

When the picture stopped at the image of a well, the Council looked at each other.

"What's with this thing?" muttered Sesshoumaru.

"I don't know!" Dalamar told him. Sang-Drax pointed.

"There's a girl coming out of the well!"

A young girl in a white dress climbed out of the well, lurched her way across the grass, and shoved her arms through the television screen.

"She's coming out!" Pirotess shrieked.

The girl staggered to the table and stood silent for a moment. "I take it you received my application?" she asked. Raistlin folded his hands.

"If you're here, then apparently we did!" he snapped. Blachloch dipped his quill into his inkwell and began to write.

"State your name and profession."

They couldn't see her face through her hair, but all had a distinct feeling that she was glaring at them. "My name is Yamamura Sadako. Some know me as Samara Morgan or Eun-Suh."

"Multiple aliases." Melkor nodded. "A good start."

Blachloch continued to write. "And your profession?"

"Revenge," Sadako told them. "And as a hobby, I like to invent new viruses," she added.

The members of the Council looked at each other.

"Revenge!"

"A very evil profession indeed!"

"We're all after revenge." Dilandau propped his feet up on the table, having discovered that he could not burn it. "What makes yours so evil?"

Sadako laughed. "Mine is extra evil because I'm a little girl."

Raistlin spoke a magic word, and a portfolio appeared in his lap. He shuffled through the papers. "I don't see your application here," he told her. "How long ago did you submit it?"

"Seven days."

Raistlin pulled out a piece of paper dripping with water. "Ah, yes, I remember it now." The papers and portfolio disappeared. Gripping the Staff of Magius, he narrowed his golden eyes. "My eyes see time as it pases," he hissed at her. "Flowers wilt, flesh decays. But you—you remain unchanged."

"I am already dead," Sadako told him. "I was murdered, and I want everyone to know! Thus my revenge begins!"

"But, you're just a child!" Queen Mab rasped. "How many people have you killed?"

"So far?" Sadako counted them off on her nail-less fingers. "Sixteen Japanese, five Koreans, and five Americans, give or take. What with all the different ways I've done it, it gets hard to keep track. You mortals all look the same to me. And I've driven four or so more people to insanity." Queen Mab nodded slowly.

"Not bad, not bad."

"Here are my references." With a flash, images printed themselves upon three piece of parchment before Raistlin—one showed a girl's face contorted in the rictus of a death-scream, one whose face was melted and contorted, and one of a girl who had grown pointed ears. Raistlin nodded in approval and passed the photos down the table.

"How do you do this?" Sesshoumaru questioned, tapping the pictures with a pointed nail. "Magic?"

"Nensha. I'm not giving details until you let me in."

The room fell silent as the Council considered the situation. "Climb back into that television," Raistlin told her finally. "We need to discuss your application privately."

"I want in."

"Do not argue with my Shalafi!" Dalamar growled. "If he tells you to leave, leave!"

Sadako pulled her hair aside and glared at Raistlin, face fully uncovered. "That's a nice eye," he told her sarcastically, "now get the hell back into that well until we've come to a conclusion."

Sadako sighed. "You have seven minutes," she told him, letting her hair fall back in front of her face, turning, and climbing back into the television.

When she disappeared back into the well, Raistlin looked across the Council. "I now open the floor for debate."

Sang-Drax waved t he pictures in the air with amazement. "She's amazing!" he exclaimed, "this is the most evil applicant we've had yet! Maybe even more evil than YOU, President!"

"Impossible!" Dalamar argued. "However, I must agree that she is QUITE evil!"

"But, she's not from a fantasy," Blachloch pointed out. "She's from a horror!"

Queen Mab held up a finger. "Yes, but it has many fantastical elements! The killing by looking at people, for example, and this cursed videotape!"

"Curses are quite magical," Sauron agreed. "I hath employed many myself, and this is a good one."

"Enough debate!" Raistlin doubled over coughing, then regained his composure, wiping the blood from his lips on Dalamar's sleeve. "It is time. How doth the High Council vote?"

Seven evil laughs, one psychotic giggle, and one raspberry echoed through the room. All turned to Blachloch.

"You still do not approve of her?" Melkor questioned. Blachloch shook his head.

"She's from a horror, I tell you, not a fantasy! I've heard of her story, and she's definitely a horror/sci-fi!"

Dalamar groaned. "Must we debate about this more, Shalafi?"

"No. I override this imbecile's vote." Folding his hands, Raistlin addressed the television. "You may return, Sadako."

Once again the girl crawled out through the television. "Well?" Raistlin nodded to Dalamar.

"On a vote of eight to one, the LAOAFVFTDOEIE has decided to accept your membership," he announced. "Congratulations."

Sadako did not seem excited. "Who voted against me?" she asked.

"I did," Blachloch sneered. She turned her head toward him, then back to Raistlin.

"I want to be on the Council."

"Sorry, but all the spots are full," Sesshoumaru told her.

Sadako lurched her way to Blachloch and pulled her hair aside. There was a photographic flash, and Blachloch screamed; his face distorted grotesquely, and his ears sprouted points. He toppled over, dead.

Letting her hair go, Sadako turned back to Raistlin. "How about now?"

The Council members looked at each other and shrugged.

"Sure."

"Why not?"

"Never liked him anyway."

Raistlin placed upon the table a large, black tome. "You will place you left hand upon the spellbook and raise your right in a fist." Sadako completed the pose as instructed, left hand upon the spellbook, right clenched in an upraised fist.

"You will repeat the Creed of Tyranny," Raistlin instructed. "I, Sadako, or Samara, or Eun-Suh-"

"I, Sadako, or Samara, or Eun-Suh-"

"-do hereby pledge to kill whomever I please-"

"-take whatever I like-"

"-achieve my ambitions at any cost-"

"-especially if they involve the downfall of others-"

"-provide no explanation for my actions-"

"-and cut down all Good Guys where they stand."

"Moreover, I do swear to uphold the position of Secretary-"

"-as evilly as I possibly can-"

"-until I resign or am overthrown, whichever the case may be."

The High Council o' Much Evilness cheered and set off sparklers, much to Dilandau's delight. Sadako staggered around to the other side of the table, dragged Blachloch's body out of the chair, deposited it on the floor, and took his place. "Next candidate," she growled.