Suzuki Touichirou did not have the energy to get out of bed.
He didn't deserve it. He'd done it again. He'd been unfaithful to his wife as a human being could be. He had been with a woman who was not his wife. There was no excuse for it. He hadn't been possessed. He hadn't been intoxicated. He hadn't gone insane. He had been in his right mind the whole time. He had been in his right mind when he got into her car. He had been in his right mind when he'd stepped into her garden. He'd been in his right mind when he'd agreed to stay for a cup of tea. He'd been in his right mind when he'd sat own on her couch. He'd been in his right mind when he let her sit beside him. He'd been in his right mind when he let her put her hand on his thigh. He'd been in his right mind when he'd let her lean in for a kiss.
He'd been in his right mind when he'd kissed her back.
That was where it had all gone wrong. The kiss. He had seen it coming. Her aura had been trying to bond to his and she had been looking up at him through her eyelashes and she'd turned her head to the side and leaned in…all the signs a woman gave you before she kissed you…and he could have pulled away at any time but he didn't. He'd let her kiss him…and he could have pulled away after that. He could have walked away right there and…and it wouldn't have been alright, putting himself in that situation, but at least it would have ended with her pressing a kiss to him…and without him kissing back…but he had kissed her back. He had kissed her back and…and he had been the one to deepen it…and then his hand had found her thigh and then….
Well at least he hadn't slept with her.
He hadn't slept with her. That was how he had justified it to himself. He hadn't actually had penetrative sex with her. They'd had every other kind of sex but that…had been his line. That had been his reasoning. As long as he didn't penetrate her then it was fine and…and he hadn't been insane then…well he wanted to have gone insane but he could remember his thought process clearly. Insane people did not remember their thought processes. That was what it was to be insane. He hadn't been insane, he had been very sane, he had just been…very terrible. Terrible and selfish and…and just the worst. He had done everything but have actual sex with her and somewhere between her satisfaction and his it had dawned on him what had happened…what had been happening.
He had been there, on her couch, with her…he didn't even want to remember….
Well he wanted to. He wanted to remember how soft her skin had been. He wanted to remember how she had tasted like black tea and human saliva…which was an odd thing to enjoy but he hadn't tasted another person in so long…and she had also tasted vaguely like…well he didn't want to think about that part…well he did. He did and he just…he liked…he enjoyed and…and she just…well he had always enjoyed it, a woman's satisfaction, and she had just….he felt his scalp. He still had a scratch there, he felt, though that may have been his imagination.
He liked it when she had pulled his hair.
She had pulled his hair and called him…well not Touichi…she had called him Touichirou which was his given name…and it had been then, there, buried between her thighs that he had come to the realization that this was not Masami, this was not alright, and…and he had felt…he had felt it in his chest and…and he had practically felt his wedding ring burning a hole through his finger. She had been ricking back and forth and practically ripping his hair out at the root and…and then the next thing he had known she had been…and then his hand had been in her hair….and it was black. That was what she had, black hair, not brown…and he had only been able to think about brown hair…and the smells of cinnamon and artificial berries…and he had smelled her garden and…well her garden which was…and just…well at the point of his own satisfaction he had decided that the best thing to do would have been to leave…
So he had left.
He had left Osaka. He could never go back to Osaka. It was over. It was all over. She was in Osaka and he could never go back and…and he could never leave this room anymore. He could never leave, ever, because he just…could not face the world. He would never be able to face his children, his daughter, his Shigeko, ever again. Not after what he had done. He had broken it, his marriage, again…and what could that teach her? If she knew what her father had done then…then she would accept the same sort of behavior from her future husband…and if whatever man she took to the altar or even to her bed decided to step out on their relationship Suzuki would end his life. He would end it and…and she just…she would end up with someone like that. Someone like some.
Some womanizing, self-defiling, slave to his own joy.
That was what he was. He couldn't have kept his pants on…well he had, actually, mostly, and in his mind then it had been alright…and Fukuda had told him many times before that he could have taken the gold for Japan in mental gymnastics…and he hadn't been literal because Suzuki knew for a fact that mental gymnastics was not an Olympic event and also he had no idea how that would even be filmed. It was a saying, Fukuda had said, the way that Suzuki could twist a thought until it became unrecognizable to any form of logic…and he considered himself a very logical person…
And he had been very logical then.
He had been logical in his thoughts. It hadn't been cheating because he hadn't penetrated her…at least not really….and fingers did not count. That had been decided decades ago. The only thing that counted as sex was sex…and that had been decided and the rules still stood…so he had thought that if he hadn't penetrated her or even gotten completely undressed then it wouldn't have been sex…but it had been sexual and he had cheated on Masami and….and it would have been better if she had come back and kicked him in the stomach…because then he could have felt better…or if she sent him a letter and said something like she had known in their marriage that he had this…this person inside of him…this womanizing, self-defiling, slave to his own joy…and that was why she had left him and…and now he just…
He wanted to be alone.
He wanted to be with Masami and he wanted to be alone. He wanted to be with Shigeko and he wanted to be alone. He wanted to be at work and he wanted to be alone. He even wanted to be with Hatori and he wanted to be alone. Not Fukuda. Fukuda…he knew that this had happened before…and he had given some very good advice…and Fukuda didn't like it if he didn't listen and…and well he was Suzuki Touichirou and he could do whatever he wanted and…and he just…didn't want to have a conflict between the two of them. He just….
He wanted to be alone.
But he couldn't be alone. He had locked himself away in this room since coming to Tokyo, his phone had been tossed in some corner, and he had been away…away from everyone. He had been away from work and…and someone like him did not deserve the world. Someone who could betray his wife like this did not deserve the world or the power he had…or to get out of bed…or to do anything and…and he hated this. He hated himself right now and…and she just….she had been….Shiori…he missed Shiori. She had messaged him so many times…and she probably still had been…and he just….he needed to be alone. He needed to be alone but…
But the universe was not so kind.
There, at the edges of his passive perception, was the last person who he wanted to see. Well not the last person. He didn't want to see Shiori again…well he did. He wanted to see her and hold her and tell her that he was sorry and that he wanted to be with her…and he wanted Masami back…if only just to tell him that he was the worst man who had ever lived and that she was leaving him again because he couldn't stop indulging himself when it came to women…he didn't want to see Masami. He wanted…he wanted her and he did not want her and….and he wanted Shigeko. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her that he was beyond sorry and….and he wanted her to stay as far away from her as humanly possible and…he just….he just…
He didn't want to see Fukuda.
That was who was in his aural range. Fukuda. Suzuki turned around and pulled his blanket up over his head. He hadn't gotten out of bed in so long and he just…he just wished that…he didn't know what he wished. To have a time machine. To have had access to a wormhole so he could find a universe where he wasn't a womanizing, self-defiling, slave to his own joy. He just…he didn't know what he wanted that could happen in this universe but he did know that he didn't want to see Fukuda…and he was Suzuki Touichirou so he could see who he did and did not want to see….
He barricaded his door.
There. That should have been it. He stayed there, under his blanket. He knew that this was no way for him to act. He knew that this was no way for Suzuki Touichirou, the man who would one day rule the world, to act. He knew that he needed to get out of bed and get himself under control. His telekinesis had been acting up nonstop. He had given up on keeping any order in his room. There was no point to it. If he couldn't keep his base urges under control then what hope did he have of keeping his powers under control?
He was so ashamed of himself that there were not words…
Well he didn't have any for himself, anyway, but he did have some for Fukuda. He knew this part. This was the part where Fukuda came into his room, pulled the blanket off of him, and reminded him who he was. He got like this sometimes, a holdover from when he had been an adolescent. Rejection…was the most painful thing a human being could feel, he had read, and when he had been rejected by women, well girls then, that had shown physical and emotional interest in him then…well he had gone to his bedroom to lick his wounds…and sometimes he decided that he was never coming out….because he was Suzuki Touichirou and he could do whatever he wanted to do…
Well Fukuda never got that memo.
"Suzuki? Come on, I know you're in there." said Fukuda. Suzuki wondered if maybe this would be the time that Fukuda got bored and went home. He knew that Fukuda wouldn't do that. When they had been younger…and even the last time Suzuki had retreated from the world….Fukuda had come for him. Back at the old house…after the…event…with the little red hair baby which he had not fathered because he could only have children with Masami because she was his wife and being his wife meant that all of his children would come from her….and he just…should not have reacted like that…like this…
But at least Fukuda had brought him out of it…like he was trying to do now.
"Suzuki…come on. I know that you're in there." said Fukuda. He was trying to open the door, now, and he wouldn't be able to. He wasn't strong enough to get through the barricade, the dresser, and he could try all day. He could try until they both died of old age. Suzuki was not going to let him in the door, in the room, because…he was not….he just…he was stuck here….he was just…
Stuck.
"Suzuki Touichirou how many times do we have to do this? I know that you're in there and you know that you're in there so just…let me in." said Fukuda. That wasn't a reason to let him in. That wasn't a reason to do anything. Yes, he knew that they had been through this before but that wasn't a reason to go over it again. They had done this time and time again…and that was more of a reason not to start it up again.
"No." said Suzuki. He knew that he could have just throw Fukuda out of the house…literally…but he healed. He healed and he would just get back up again and just…he wouldn't give up. Like when they had been young. Like when they had been children. Like when….well like all the times when this had happened.
"So you are in there." said Fukuda after a moment. What did that even mean? Of course Suzuki was in this room. Why else would Fukuda have been there knocking on his door asking him to come out?
"You knew that I was in here the whole time. What ae you on about?" Said Suzuki. He rolled over so he faced the door. He could see Fukuda's aura, there, it closely outlined Fukuda himself. His aura was…not calm. He was upset about something….and he was so rarely upset…but here he was, upset. What did he have to be upset about? He hadn't done anything.
"I'm on about you getting into one of these moods. I know that I'm overstepping right now but you cannot run away from this-" said Fukuda. No. He could not say that. Suzuki was not running away. Suzuki Touichirou ran from nothing. He ran from nothing and he just…he had been making a strategic retreat…until all of this passed….that was all. That was all and soon it would pass and then it would all be over and then…and then he would get back to normal…and he didn't need Fukuda to pull him out of this…because there was no need to pull him out of it…because there was nothing to pull him out of.
"I am not running away. This is…a strategic retreat." Said Suzuki. He made these sometimes. He just had to get himself back in order and…and find some way to make up for what he had done. There. That wouldn't be so difficult…or maybe it would be…or maybe…he didn't know. He didn't know and he couldn't think. He just…needed to be alone. He needed to retreat on his own.
"Sure it is. Just like the last time?" asked Fukuda. There. He understood and…and Suzuki could have sworn that Fukuda had a tone there….but that wasn't possible. This was Fukuda. He didn't have a tone and…and so what if he had referenced something that had happened last year? That hadn't been his child and Fukuda….well he knew that and he had settled this whole thing….so they didn't have to talk about this.
"….yes. Now leave me alone. Don't you have work to do? Lots and lots of work?" asked Suzuki. Fukuda had better things to do with his time that he had should have been doing. He didn't have to sit there, stand there, and bring up the past.
"Yeah, I do, and that's what I have to talk to you about. Your daughter is running Claw into the ground." Said Fukuda. Suzuki sat up. How could he have said that? It was one thing to be standing there and….and talking about the past…but it was another to talk about Shigeko that way.
"….don't say that." Said Suzuki. Fukuda…was on dangerous ground. It was one thing to overstep and talk about him, they had been together for thirty years so he got to say that, but he did not get to talk about Shigeko. She was doing a good job. He trusted her, he loved her, and he would always….he would always put his faith in her.
"Why not? It's the truth and sometimes the truth hurts." Said Fukuda. Now that was just…Fukuda was really getting close to….Suzuki tried to keep it together. He could feel his powers again and…and he could feel himself starting to lose control and…and he couldn't lose control on top of everything else that he had done.
"Fukuda…stop talking." Said Suzuki. That was a direct order and Fukuda….they may have been closer, he was closer to Fukuda than any other man in the world, but he knew that he had to follow a direct order…and he knew that nothing good would come from disobeying him.
"Your daughter is eleven years old and she's running Claw like an eleven year old would." Said Fukuda
"Fukuda…be quiet. I have every faith in my Daughter." Said Suzuki. He crossed his arms and pulled his head down to his chest. He could not lose control. Shigeko may not have been home but…but she would see the aftermath of his explosion…and she did not need to see that….she did not need to know what sort of man that her father had become…what sort of man he was….she just…did not need to see any of that.
"No, I won't. Your daughter is eleven years old and she's acting like a child. She's going to build a pudding filled swimming pool, did you know that? A pudding filled swimming pool and also she's going to set dogs lose in the building and-" said Fukuda. Suzuki….did not want to or need to hear anymore. Fukuda needed to just stop it already. He….had given Shigeko power…because he could not be trusted with it right now. Not after what he had done. She had power and she was going to use it and…and she was using it to…
To act like a child.
But he just…he trusted her and he knew that it would all come together in the end and…and he just…he had to trust her. He had to trust in her because if he couldn't trust in his own child then who could he trust? He hated this, feeling this way, feeling all the ways that he was feeling right now…and he needed these feelings to stop…but he had no idea what to do and…
And Fukuda was still talking.
"Suzuki? Are you listening? I don't care what you do to me. I don't care if you come out of that room and break every bone in my body. I still stand by what I said. Things are out of control and you need to get out of your room and you will even if I have to kick down this door and drag you out." Said Fukuda. Suzuki didn't think, he just pushed him. He had to…well he could push whoever he wanted and he wanted to push Fukuda…
Well he wanted to do more than push him.
Breaking every bone in his body seemed like a good idea…but it wouldn't do anything. Fukuda could and would just put himself back together. He could heal and…well pushing him didn't do anything but…it did make Suzuki feel better. A bit. Talking to Fukuda was just…he didn't want to talk to him…or to anyone….and he just…he needed to be alone.
Until whatever this was passed.
"Fukuda. Go. Away." said Suzuki. He knew this, he knew that he wouldn't go away, but he would still try. He needed….he needed to be alone…but he didn't want Fukuda gone either. Well he did. He wanted Fukuda to just shut up and leave him alone…but he also wanted Fukuda to stay and never stop talking just so…so he never had be alone with his thoughts again…
He hated his thoughts.
He hated what happened in his mind. The war that went on within himself. He wanted…he wanted to be alone and he wanted to be with people. He wanted to be with Shiori and he wished that he had never met her. He wanted to see Masami again, even if she came back just to tell him that she never wanted to speak to him again. That he was the worst husband and man who had ever lived. He wanted her back and…and he never wanted to face her again. He had betrayed her and she had betrayed him. She had left him but…but he had slept with someone else. Two people. One person because it didn't count if he didn't….well it did count and…and even though she had left him…even though she had betrayed him by abandoning him and their children….but he had betrayed her in the worse way imaginable. Even if she had left him she had never done anything as terrible as he had done….
He couldn't be alone with himself.
"No. I don't care what you do to me I am not going anywhere until you come out of there. I know you and I know that if I don't say anything you're just going to stay in there until this whole thing comes down on both of our heads…and I am not going to let that happen." Said Fukuda. Suzuki sighed and threw the dresser across the room. He knew how this would go. Fukuda would stay there. He would stay there all day and all night and just…Suzuki did not need that. Better just to get this part over with. Better to be with Fukuda than with himself.
He couldn't be alone with himself.
"Thank you." Said Fukuda as he came in through the door. He didn't look around, didn't take in the mess and destruction and random bursts of telekinesis around him. He walked right over to the bed and stood over Suzuki…and he didn't like that. He didn't like being the one who was small…and he didn't want to get up. He didn't get up. He didn't get up, others got up, but on his terms. He pulled Fukuda down so he was sitting beside him. it wasn't ideal, sharing a bed with him like this, but it was better than having someone stand over him…
Even though he deserved it…for what he'd done.
"I know what you're here for so get on with it. You're going to try and get me out of this bed and I….cannot get out of this room….for the time being. I just cannot…and never speak ill of my Daughter again. Shigeko is doing well to run Claw and-" said Suzuki
"Shigeko is drunk, high, and she and her friends have taken over your office and are planning a party that's going to at best destroy the HQ and at worst bankrupt us. These aren't judgements, these are the facts as they are." Said Fukuda. Suzuki…was going to keep calm. He was going to keep calm and…and he just…he needed to be around someone…and he needed to be alone…but he needed to be around someone more. He just…had no idea. He had no clue what he was going to do…
So he settled on shoving Fukuda off the bed.
He fell off the bed, said nothing, and climbed back up. Suzuki felt like a child. He felt like they were children again…only Fukuda wasn't cursing at him and telling him that he was being crazy. He wasn't being crazy. There was nothing crazy about this. He was just…making a strategic retreat. He was just retreating to the confines of this room until he got back to being the effective leader he had always been…..
And Shigeko was fit to lead in his stead despite what Fukuda thought.
"I told you not to talk about my Daughter like that. Shigeko is doing a good job…just like she did last time." Said Suzuki. She had taken control over Claw when he had made his last strategic retreat. When a child, a baby, had been dumped in his lap. A child by a woman he'd….well a woman he'd betrayed Masami for. A woman who he never should have been with. Masami…she was the mother of his children…and that had not been his child….and he had no idea what he was thinking of that child for. That child had its own mother and he was not her father and…and it wasn't like there was a chance that he had fathered a child with Shiori. He had made sure that him fathering a child with her hadn't even been an option…and he'd had presence of mind enough to draw lines but not to tell her to get off of him…or to keep his hands off of her…and the world did not need a man like him running it. Shigeko knew what she was doing. He trusted her. He trusted her and Fukuda should have trusted her too. There was nobody in the world that he trusted more than Shigeko.
"Last time you left her in charge she completely destabilized us and we spent all of last year playing catch up…and it's going to happen again. She's eleven. She may act like a grown woman but she's a little girl and right now she's-" said Fukuda
"There is nothing wrong with Shigeko." said Suzuki. Shigeko was…he trusted her. She knew what she was doing. She knew what she was doing and he knew that he could trust her. This was his child and he trusted her with his life's work. This was Shigeko and he knew that he could keep her near, that he could let her be in charge, until whatever this was passed. Until he could stop strategically retreating.
"I never said that there was anything wrong with her, I just said that she's eleven and she's acting like an eleven year old. She's going to fill swimming pools with pudding and let dogs loose in the HQ and about a dozen other insane and impractical things for her friend's birthday party/Halloween party-" said Fukuda
"She's good at throwing parties." Said Suzuki. Shigeko knew best about these things…and Fukuda…well he must have been exaggerating. Shigeko…well if she thought that this was a good idea…even though he really didn't think that swimming pools of pudding were a good idea and…well…he just…he wasn't up to it. He wasn't up to going to his office and telling her that her services were no longer needed.
"She's good at throwing parties but she's…she's too young to be good at the kind of long term planning that you're good at." Said Fukuda
"My entire life has been long term planning." Said Suzuki. There wasn't a time in his life that he hadn't had some kind of long term plan. Mother and father had been very clear about the course that his life was supposed to take. He was supposed to go to school, get good grades, go to a good university, get a job like father's, marry a woman sometimes in his late twenties, and then have children and complete the cycle of life. Then his son would do the same and his son after him over and over again. He had decided, later on in life, that he had a different plan for his life….and mother and father hadn't liked that…and the rest of that day was something that he would have wanted to forget…there was so much in his life that he wanted to forget…
He had to make a strategic retreat….but Fukuda…well he always came for him in the end.
"It has…so what are you planning now? What's your plan here, Suzuki, besides sitting here in your room for weeks….or even months." Said Fukuda. Suzuki…well the plan had been to stay in his room until he became less ashamed of himself….and it would not take months. He didn't think that it would take months and….and it had only taken weeks last time…but that was just because Fukuda had come and dragged him away from his strategic retreat.
"….not months." Said Suzuki. The longest that he had ever taken off from the world had been the whole two weeks of summer break and then the first week of school. That was because…well he hadn't cheated on anymore….but he had been left right on the last day of school and he had decided that the only thing he could do was live in his room forever because the world wasn't worth facing let alone ruling if she hadn't been at his side…and he couldn't even remember her name but….she had said that she loved him…
He wished that someone had left him….instead of him having had left someone else.
"Not if I stop you. Come on…you've got to come out of this." said Fukuda. Suzuki knew fully well that he had to come out of this. He knew that he had to come out of this and he knew that he had a world to run but…but how could the world be run by someone like him? Some womanizing, self-defiling, slave to his own joy. The world….well it would have been better off under Shigeko…and her brother when he got old enough…and maybe he should just give the children their birthright and then stay in this room and wait to die…not that he would say that or anything. Fukuda would just have accused him of being dramatic if he knew what Suzuki was thinking.
"You don't understand." Said Suzuki. Fukuda had never once understood. He didn't know what it was like to be betrayed…and to betray yourself. Suzuki had lost control. He lost control and…well he didn't lose control of his powers but he lost control of himself…and Fukuda wouldn't understand it. He had never been married, he had never been one to stick to one woman for very long, and also he had never betrayed a partner like this. He had never promised a woman that he would be hers for the rest of their lives and then…and then slept with another one. The thought of that would never have crossed his mind, even.
Fukuda was not that sort of person.
There was a loyalty to him that Suzuki had always…he had always loved that about Fukuda. The fact that he had never once abandoned any of this even when things hadn't been good. When they had been trying to get Claw off the ground. All those times when Suzuki, in moments of weakness, had succumbed to his doubts. Doubts that he could live this life…that he could rule the world…thoughts of doubt and fear and pain and….and he just….
He was grateful that Fukuda had always been there…and that he was here now.
"Yes I do. We've been through this before. Let me guess, you didn't listen to me and you slept with that Sakata woman-" said Fukuda
"I did not sleep with her." said Suzuki. He hadn't had sex with her. Sleeping with someone was another word for having sex with them and Suzuki…he had made sure that they hadn't had actual sex…and that had been the line…and it hadn't been much of a line now that he thought about it….but it had been a line.
"Uh-huh, I'm sure that you didn't. I'm sure that the two of you just sat on opposite sides of the room and talked about the weather." Said Fukuda. He had a tone there, and he shook his head. Fukuda…was going to tell him that he had ruined it…that now they could never go back to Osaka…and that he should have followed Fukuda's advice…and that he had messed up….and he just….he knew that it was coming. The 'I told you so' and he didn't want to have to hear that…but he also didn't want to have to sit in this room alone and hear his thoughts, either.
"….no...we talked about her garden…and some other things…but the weather did not come up and….and I did not sleep with her and I made sure that I didn't…but I did do something that I should not have and I know that you aren't going to go anywhere until you tell me that you told me so and….just get on with it." said Suzuki. If he had been anyone else Fukuda would have been suffering by now….but he wasn't anyone else. He was Fukuda and Suzuki…well he couldn't have made him suffer even if he had tried.
"Ok, I told you so. Now that we've got that out of the way here's the part where I remind you that you're Suzuki Touichirou and that you shouldn't just lock yourself in your room because some woman dumped you." Said Fukuda. He was right to assume that this was just a repeat of the past. A repeat of what he had done when he had been left before…when he had been younger. When he had been ready to give someone else everything and she had wanted nothing to do with him…and he had thought that he had been beyond this when he'd gotten married…and he hadn't even been left. He had been the one that had done the leaving. He had been the one to betray his wife and he had been the one to leave Shiori…and he did…he wanted…to at least talk to her again….
He was terrible….and Fukuda didn't know the half of it.
"She didn't dump me…I'm the one who left her…and I betrayed Masami…and I do not want to talk about this. I want to talk about something else….so talk to me about something else…but not about what I did and not about my Daughter. Just…talk about something else." Said Suzuki
"Wait, so who initiated-" said Fukuda. Suzuki shook his head and forced his barrier not to go up. He did not want to talk about this. He did not want to go into what he had done wrong…all that he had done wrong. He had been the one to…well not to initiate but…but he had gone along with it and…and he should have been better than that. Fukuda…well he had warned him and…and he cared what he thought. Maybe because they had been together for as long as they had been but…Suzuki so rarely truly cared what people thought….but he cared what Fukuda thought…and he really needed to get himself sorted.
Because he could do whatever he wanted.
He was Suzuki Touichirou. He was going to rule the world. He could do whatever he wanted and if he wanted to commit adultery then…well he didn't want to…that was the thing. He didn't want to be that sort of person. Maybe it would have been different if he had been comfortable being that person but…he wasn't. He wasn't being the person that he wanted to be. He had to be the person that he wanted to be, someone more like….like Fukuda. Maybe that was what had brought them together for all of these years. Maybe he had kept Fukuda around not just because he had value as a healer but also because…well he was someone who Suzuki wasn't. He was good with people and…and he was also fiercely loyal…and he never would have done this to his wife….not that he'd ever been married but if he had he never would have cheated on his wife…even if she had left. Marriage was marriage and Fukuda….
Well he understood the value of marriage.
"I just said that I didn't want to talk about this." said Suzuki. The house shook…but Fukuda wasn't fazed. Of course he wasn't. They had known each other for years. Fukuda was used to this. They were used to each other….somehow they had gotten used to each other.
"I'm just curious. You don't usually initiate these things." Said Fukuda. Suzuki…well he hadn't…well he hadn't stopped her but…he did not want to get into the details of what happened. They weren't adolescents anymore. They used to go over, in detail, and occasionally recorded on tape the details of what they had d0ne and hadn't one and wanted to do…back when they were young. Young and everything was new and it was all the most important thing in the world…and now there were more important things in the world.
"What, you want details? I did something terrible, I am unfit to run my own life let alone the lives of everyone in Claw, and now my Daughter is in charge. I…betrayed my wife…and you wouldn't understand. You wouldn't understand that….you've never been married. You have no idea what it is to…to betray someone like that." Said Suzuki. Fukuda's aura pulled in closely….and of course it did. Fukuda may not have been married but he knew that married people did not do this to the people they were married to. Suzuki….had done something so terrible that even Fukuda….he wanted to be alone. He was done being with someone else and now he wanted to be alone.
He opened the door with his powers.
"You may leave now." Said Suzuki as he pointed to the opened door. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be with people and he wanted to be alone…and he just…he was going to be alone now. He had to be.
"Come on, I'm sorry. Ok? I'm just…worried about you. Not about Claw or about how Shigeko's running it. You. You know that I care about you and I can't stand to see you like this…especially over some woman." Said Fukuda
"Masami is not just some woman." Said Suzuki. He had more words for Fukuda. He had a lot to say to that. Masami…just some woman? She was his wife. She had been, for years, his reason and his life. She had been his everything and then she had gone but…but even though she was gone from him she was just…not some woman.
She was Masami…and she would always be Masami.
"No, I meant Sakata." Said Fukuda. Suzuki…right. Well she was just some woman. She was some woman who made him feel…a lot of things that he hadn't felt in a very long time. He hadn't felt….but he had to stop feeling….and not just because he was only supposed to feel this way about Masami. He just wasn't supposed to feel anything whatsoever. Bad things happened when he felt things. Like now. He had been so overwhelmed by feelings that he shouldn't have had that he had hidden in this room and….and he was not hiding. He had made a strategic retreat and…and he needed to stop retreating already.
"Oh." Said Suzuki. That was all he could say. He didn't want to get any more into this than he already was.
"I can't stand to see you like this over her. I can't stand to see you like this in general. Come on, I thought that you were going to take over the world. How are you going to take over the world from your room?" asked Fukuda
"I…don't know. I just need some time." Said Suzuki. He could admit that to Fukuda…right? He had said as much to him before so…yes. This was alright.
"I know you and I know that when you say some time you're going to end up in here for weeks…and I know how you like logic. So you made a mistake with a woman? Big deal. You never take that ring off and I know that she knows what that ring means. She shouldn't have gone after a married man. If she hadn't gone after you then you never would have done anything with her." said Fukuda
"I…she did know that I am married." Said Suzuki. Well she knew that he was separated. She knew that he was separated…and she had asked him again if he was when they…well separated was still married and…and he hadn't done anything wrong…well he had…but also he hadn't and…and…and it was like Fukuda had just said. She should not have been pursuing a married man. So it was not his fault, then, in that case.
"Yeah, so it's her fault for not backing off. You didn't do anything wrong and you can stop beating yourself up and you can come back to work." Said Fukuda. Suzuki…hadn't looked at it like that. He had wanted to…but she had wanted to…and she had known that he couldn't…and he had known that he couldn't…but she had wanted to…but he had wanted to…and the whole thing. It was just…
This was still a lot.
Even though Fukuda was making sense…there were so much to this…and he wanted to be alone. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts…and he wanted to exorcise his thoughts…and he wanted to go back to work…and he wanted to trust Shigeko…and he just…was a mess. He was a mess of contradictions. He was a terrible mess of contradictions and he just…needed…to get himself sorted out before he could get anything else sorted out…
But at least, now, he knew that he needed to get himself sorted out.
"I will….but not now. I have to get myself….sorted out. Leave me." Said Suzuki. This time he lifted Fukuda up and sent him out the door. This time he meant it. Not that he didn't always mean what he said but this time…well this time he really meant it. He had to get out of this room, he had to get back to work, and he had to forget about what he had done…even though he had betrayed his wife and Daughter…well that didn't mean that he didn't still have an organization to run and a world to take over and he would get right to that…
Later. Once he had the energy to get himself sorted out.