Sho didn't dislike Fukuda….he just didn't want to hang out with him.
He had forgiven him for the whole 'telling his secrets thing' a while ago, so he wasn't still mad at him, so he wasn't avoiding Fukuda because he was made at him. He wasn't avoiding Fukuda at all. He just….didn't want to sit in his office watching hamsters and playing single player games. Not when there was a tech room full of people he could play with. Not when there were people who actually knew what they were doing. Fukuda…well he tried and trying…well trying was something. He should have been nicer, Fukuda was nice to even play with him, but…Fukuda kind of sucked at pretty much every single game.
It wasn't mean to speak the truth…right?
Sometimes the truth hurt. Sometimes the truth was something that you didn't want to hear but you had to hear it. Like how Shimazaki would never love him back, dad would never like him, and there wouldn't be any dogs at the Halloween party even though Shimazaki loved dogs because dad hated animals. That was a painful truth. Another painful truth was that Fukuda sucked at games and he should have stuck to the super old stuff that dad liked but would never admit to liking because he hated fun and if he ever saw anything fun he would kill it on sight. The most painful truth, though, was that Sho…well he would rather have played with the guys in the tech room than with Fukuda because he sucked at just about everything…and the tech room guys at least knew all the buttons….and that was sort of mean but…
Well the truth could hurt sometimes.
"Hey, that hurt." Said Hatori as Sho kicked him in the spine so hard that it shattered. In game, of course, not in life. In life that would have been a dick move. In game, however, that was just what you were supposed to do so it was ok. Good thing big sis wasn't there, though, she would have told him that he was being too violent….even though this was Mortal Kombat!
"You should have been faster, then. You're old and slow, Hatori, old and slow." said Sho as he leaned back in his chair and basked in his victory. Beating Hatori was way more fun than beating Fukuda. Fukuda…well he didn't even try sometimes. Hatori at least tried….and he better not have been letting Sho win. He could win on his own….though judging by Hatori's face he had lost because he was old and slow and stuff. He was twenty and that was twice Sho's age, so very old.
"Hey, I'm only twenty." Said Hatori. Sho rolled his eyes. If Fukuda had been there he would have told Sho not to do that or his eyes would get stuck. That was just something that he said because he didn't like Sho doing that. Dad would have just told him to his face that it was annoying when he did that. Big sis would just tell him that he was being rude and that she would have liked it if he stopped. Hatori just rolled his eyes right back.
He was nice like that…or at least not bossy.
"That's twice my age." Said Sho. Hatori had been through more school than he had, he knew doubles. Sho was ten and ten was pretty old. He felt old sometimes, anyway. When he saw baby sis, or little kids, he felt almost like an adult. He looked at babies and kids and it was just….weird…thinking that he had been that little once. He wondered if adults ever looked at him and thought that it was weird that they had ever been as little as he was now. Not that he was little. He was tall…well he used to be as tall as big sis…but then she had gotten taller. He wasn't little, though, he was ten. Almost eleven. One day he'd be twenty like Hatori was…and then he'd be really old…not that he could picture it. Being that old. He could barely picture being eleven and his birthday would be coming in only two months.
"Well you're only ten." Said Hatori. He reached over and petted Sho's hair like he was a dog. Sho didn't get why adults did that sometimes. He understood why people wanted to touch his hair, nobody in Japan had hair like his not even his own dad, but adults had always done that to everyone. Sho…didn't get them sometimes. Maybe when he got older he would. Like when he had kids or something…or when big sis had kids. It was easier to think of her having kids than him having kids. He liked babies….and little kids since baby sis was becoming a little kid now…and he figured that he would be a good uncle since it seemed like being a uncle was like being a big brother…from what he saw on TV anyway. Being a dad seemed harder….and you had to be mean. He would rather have been an uncle or a big brother than a dad.
"That's pretty old, you know, double ten. That's old." Said Sho
"Yeah, I thought so too when I was your age. When I turned ten I was all 'hell yeah!' but then I realized that ten was just like nine but with a later bedtime." Said Hatori. He got a later bedtime? Lucky. Sho had been going to bed at nine for as long as big sis had been in charge of him.
"When was your bedtime? Mine's nine." Said Sho. It was so weird to think of adults being kids like he was a kid. Hatori was kind of like a kid sometimes…not as much like a kid as Shimazaki…but he was kind of like a kid. He liked videogames and stuff…even if he did like the old ones dad liked…and he could be fun…even though he was friends with dad and dad hated fun….he was ok. Hatori was ok. Sho could sort of see what big sis liked about him. He was nice. He was fun. His skin wasn't as messed up as it was before. He smelled better too. No wonder big sis had liked him. He had said no to her, though, but Sho could forgive him. He was an adult even if he did act like a kid and big sis was a kid even though she acted like an adult. It wouldn't have worked out…and if it had then it wouldn't have been fair because…of stuff that Sho was not going to think about. He was playing Mortal Kombat now and that didn't leave him a lot of space in his head to think of Shimazaki…and what he might have been up to…
Shut up brain!
"Damn, your dad makes you go to bed early. I could at least stay up until ten." Said Hatori. Sho shook his head. Dad, make him go to bed? Dad didn't care. Dad didn't care what he did so long as he didn't bother anyone. Sho could have stayed up for a hundred hours straight drinking cola and coffee and dad wouldn't have cared. Dad didn't care if he starved, either, and he had so a million times so Sho knew that it was true. Dad didn't care if he lived or died...well he did…but only because he only had one son. If big sis had been big brother then Sho wouldn't ever have been born….and that was ok. Sho was a boy and big sis was a girl and one day Sho would rule the world so it all worked out. One day he would be sitting there behind dad's desk…
Big sis was behind dad's desk now.
Big sis was the one being in charge of Claw and stuff now….and she was a girl…but it would be Sho's one day. When that day came dad was going to get it…if he was still alive. He'd kick dad out of Claw and make him live all alone…well big sis would probably invite him to live with her family because she liked him and stuff…but he would be far away from Sho and stuff and that was what mattered. Then all of this would be his and he could fill it with all the animals that he wanted…and also there would be chutes and ladders instead of stairs and elevators…just like the board game….and also there would be jello with every meal…and stuff….and daily videogame tournaments! And sock skating! And a whole lot of other stuff!
But that was in the future, not now, now he was just going to play videogames with Hatori until his thumbs bled.
"Dad doesn't care when I go to bed. Big sis makes me go to bed at nine…I mean I can go to bed on my own and whenever I want, too, but I just go to bed at nine because it makes her happy." Said Sho. He could stay up as late as he wanted, big sis didn't check on him or anything like mom had, but he stayed in bed and didn't make any noise so he didn't worry her. He'd been enough of an asshole before, he didn't need to be any more of an asshole than he had been already.
"How is are they doing, by the way? Your family I mean." Said Hatori. He was facing Sho, now, and he seemed serious…as serious as he could be. Sho didn't get why. Why did he care about dad? Dad was a jerk…and at least he was being a jerk in his own room now instead of being a jerk out in the world where he could bother people with his jerkiness. Hatori was friends with dad…and that made no sense….about as much sense as him breaking big sis's heart.
"I don't know what dad's up to. He just stays in his room all day doing…whatever dad does. Big sis…well why don't you just ask her how she's doing? She's right upstairs." Said Sho. He wished that he could have beaten Hatori up until he agreed to go out with big sis….but that would have been an asshole thing to do…and also big sis would have been pissed at him if she knew that he was beating people up again…not that he was but….well it would have been a bad idea to beat Hatori up. Besides, wasn't he supposed to beat people up who wanted to go out with big sis? Wasn't that how it worked?
That was his understanding of it, anyway.
As far as he knew he was the one who was supposed to keep boys from bothering big sis because, well, guys sucked sometimes. He knew how guys could be sometimes, he wasn't one those guys but he had seen them, the ones who hung out under the jungle gym and tried to look up girl's dresses or the ones who only wanted to kiss girls and touch their boobs and stuff. He knew guys could be like that but…well Hatori wasn't one of those guys.
He didn't even like girls.
But that didn't matter. Like how Fukuda had said, it didn't matter what you wanted, just so long as the girl was happy. You did what you had to do, you made pragmatic choices, and Hatori…well he seemed to be bad at that. So what if big sis was a girl and she was a kid? Hatori should have been focused on making her happy and stuff. That was what a good boyfriend did. Sho knew how to be a good boyfriend, he was the best boyfriend ever, and he didn't even like his girlfriend….well he liked her…but he wasn't in love with her…but he made her happy so that was what mattered. Even if it felt like lying sometimes…well it sort of was but…..well that was the ok kind of lying…the pragmatic kind….the kind that he had to do…
The kind that Hatori didn't seem to know how to do.
"Yeah…I'm not sure if that would be a good idea. I'm giving her some space right now." Said Hatori. He was playing with the loose X button on his controller….and his aura was pulled into the computer in front of them. Sho didn't get what he was so upset about. He was the one who had broken big sis's heart. Maybe he felt guilt. Maybe he felt guilty and now he was going to do the right thing and make big sis happy…and that was the most important thing.
"Because you broke her heart?" asked Sho. Hatori at least looked sad about what he did….or at least like he wanted to run and hide…which was good. Maybe he changed his mind and now he would make big sis happy and stuff….and she deserved to be happy. Maybe if she ended up with Hatori she would be too busy to sit behind dad's desk and…well he didn't care who sat behind that desk…and Sho didn't want to…at least not yet…but he just…wanted her to be happy! Yes. That was it. He just…wanted to make her happy.
"I….um….so, do you want to be Kitana this time? Or are you going to stick to-" said Hatori. He was still playing with the loose button and his eyes were going to the door…and no way was he going to run away! No way was Sho just going to let him run away and stuff! He just….big sis needed someone to make her happy and he wanted to make her happy…and it had nothing at all to do with how whenever dad had to run away big sis sat behind his desk…even though it should have been Sho…not that he cared. He was having fun and…and stuff. He was having fun and having fun was better than sitting behind a desk and bossing people around all day…and stuff.
"I don't play girl characters. Big sis does. I play boy characters…but don't change the subject." Said Sho. He may have come from dad, and he may have been related to big sis, but he could tell when someone was trying to change the subject. Sho didn't get Hatori sometimes. What, was he holding out for someone better? Someone he loved for real? Well loving someone for real wasn't an option for either of them. Boys had to be with girls. That was just how it worked and sometimes you had to make pragmatic choices. Hatori was an esper and dad was always going on and on and on about how there weren't enough espers in the world, and also dad said that there weren't enough Japanese people in the world and Hatori was Japanese so he had double the reason to do what he was supposed to do…and if big sis ended up with someone who she loved and could make her happy then…well that was good too.
"I'm not changing the-" said Hatori. Sho shook his head. What, did Hatori think that he was talking to dad? Sho may have come from him but he was nothing like dad. He knew what it looked like when someone was trying to change the subject.
"And don't think about running away, either. I'm not going to kick your ass in real life but I just want to know why you broke my sister's heart." Said Sho. He at least wanted to know why. Maybe if he knew why then he could work from there. Maybe he didn't like how she could be bossy sometimes. Or maybe he didn't like how she tied up the bathroom all day sometimes putting on makeup and then taking pictures and then putting on more makeup…and maybe he was scared of big sis because sometimes she put makeup on you….and, yeah, it was important to make other people happy but…well there were limits…but that was not one of them! And she didn't even play that game that often! And also it wasn't that bad!
"Sho…she's eleven and I'm twenty. It doesn't work that way, adults being with kids." Said Hatori after a minute. That was it? That was his reasoning? Well it was good reasoning, actually, because…well that was how it worked but…well big sis wasn't going to be a kid forever…and she was barely a kid now. She was the one sitting behind dad's desk now. She was the one who was in charge of the house. She was the one who told Sho when his bedtime was. She was the one who was older…and sometimes it felt like she was a lot older….and stuff….and…and Hatori made sense…but he also didn't!
"Yeah but you could have waited until she grew up, too, and stuff…and don't tell me that you couldn't have been with her because you like boys, either, because that doesn't matter. It only matters if you make the girl happy…and stuff." Said Sho. It sucked, having to make that kind of choice, but it was just what you had to do. Life sucked. Sometimes it felt like life just sucked…like it was a constant, never ending, parade of suckiness….but then there were good parts too. Like how you got through the bad to get to the good. Like with him and Emmy. Sure he had to kiss her and stuff, and she emailed him every day too, but also she sent him interesting stuff and she was nice and kind of cool, too, for a girl…and he was sort of looking forward to seeing her again…if they ever went to London. Big sis was going to bring in a new guy and he had to get used to everyone and stuff….and it wasn't like he was happy about this because he didn't want to have to see his girlfriend…that would have been crazy….and weird…and stuff like that….
"Sho…no. Being happy matters and….well don't you think that she would be happier with someone who felt the same way about her?" asked Hatori. Sho…well he knew that she would have been happier if it was some guy who actually loved her…like…like in her movies. Like some guy who would stand outside of her window with a boom box or skydive into the middle of her wedding to tell her that he loved her or burn his name in gasoline on the front lawn for her. Something romantic that Hatori would have been afraid to do…and to be fair Hatori would have been bad at the boyfriend thing…but still…Hatori had been what big sis wanted and big sis always got what she wanted because she was big sis…and stuff. At least one of them should have gotten what they wanted.
"Big sis liked you." Said Sho simply. If she liked some other guy then Sho…well now he knew that he had to…well not beat him up but threaten him maybe….get him to like big sis and stuff. Somehow. So she wouldn't figure it out that it was his fault the guy liked her…or something. He didn't know. Big sis deserved to be happy and if Hatori was what would make her happy then….well she deserved to be happy.
"Yeah but…don't you think that she could do better? I mean I can't even win a round of Mortal Kombat against a ten year old. She could do so much better." Said Hatori. That was true. She deserved someone really good like Shimaz-someone like Shimazaki. Someone cool and fun. Someone who wasn't scared of anything. Someone who was really good at throwing rocks at people and climbing trees and building forts…or maybe someone more like what she liked. Someone who was quiet and treated her right. Like a librarian or…like…a prince of some rich country…or…um…a kpop guy….or something. The sort of guy she liked…but Hatori was the guy she had liked….but Hatori was right. She could have done better.
"Yeah….I guess so. I mean you're not that bad…I mean your skin is better and your fingers aren't orange and you take baths now-" said Sho. Hatori had gotten a lot better…and he had really nice eyes…but Sho wasn't going to say that. That would have been a weird thing to say for so many reasons. He had pretty eyes and he liked videogames and he always shared his chips…but Sho wouldn't say that. That would have been really weird.
"I always took baths." Said Hatori. He seemed put out…and fine, he had taken baths…but maybe he should have taken baths in water and not in lynx…but Sho wasn't going to say that. That would have been a dick thing to say.
"And also you're friends with my dad…and that's weird….but she'd like that…but also you're not that good at Mortal Kombat….but she hates fighting games…but you did pee in a sink last year and I think that big sis would be happier with a guy who doesn't think that it's ok to pee in a sink." Said Sho. He decided that the sink peeing thing was what made him bad for big sis. Sho had drank before and he had never done anything like that…so there wasn't any excuse. Big sis didn't need to spend her life cleaning pee out of sinks. She deserved someone better than that, he decided, he didn't know who but…well she deserved better than that.
"I…am never going to live that down…now am I?" asked Hatori. Sho shook his head. Of course he wouldn't. He'd be remembered for this until he died.
"Nope. It's too funny. I mean you peed in a sink? What's not funny about that?" asked Sho. When Hatori died this would be what he would end up being remembered for. Last year at the Christmas party he had drank too much and acted all crazy and he'd peed in a sink. There. That was what would be on his tombstone. If he didn't want to be remembered for that then he shouldn't have done it in the first place.
"Let's not talk about this anymore. Do you want to be-" said Hatori as he made Sho's cursor jump around on all the guys. Sho knew who he wanted to be…well he had but now he had to think about it…and Hatori was trying to distract him again! Well he wouldn't be distracted. He…well he wanted to be distracted but…well not from this. He was ten, almost eleven, and he couldn't just be distracted with games and stuff like he was a little kid.
"Don't do that again, though, because I thought that it was funny but big sis thought that it was gross…and that would ruin the party and stuff…and big sis is working hard on this party so you'd better not get drunk and do any drunk stuff." Said Sho. There was no way that this party was going to be ruined…and because big sis had thrown it. Not because it was for Shimazaki and he was super excited and…and Sho loved him….liked him…but he was working very hard at falling out of love…and it was working! He hardly ever thought about Shimazaki….or wanted to hang out with him….or wanted to kiss him…or wanted to feel his aura and….and…and Sho was not….well he was….
He was falling out of love with Shimazaki and it was working!
"I promise. Cross my heart, I will not have a drop to drink at this party, alright? Now can we please get back to our game?" asked Hatori. Sho nodded. Well as long as he crossed his heart…and some games would have been good to take his mind off of…stuff. Shimazaki couldn't play games so it was easy not to think about him when he played games and….and it wasn't like he was trying not to think about him…because he wasn't in Sho's head or anything like that! He really wasn't!
"Alright…and I want to be Jason this time and I don't want to unlock him so do that thing with your powers to unlock cool guys…and stuff." Said Sho. Hatori was good at that….and other stuff…and he could see why big sis liked him…not that he liked him…or anyone. He wasn't in love with Shimazaki anymore…well he was falling out of love with him…and he wasn't falling out of love with Shimazaki to fall in love with Hatori or anything like that. No way! He was just hanging out with Hatori because he was fun, more fun than Fukuda anyway….
He didn't dislike Fukuda…he just needed to hang out with someone else….someone who could help take his mind off of things. Hatori was good for that.