The End - A Parody
One bright, sunny, cloudless, Pokemon calling from the trees, colorful, blue, sunny day it was not raining. Ash, Brock, May, Max and Pikachu were skipping and singing nonchalantly down the winding road completely unaware of the wonderful and exciting new adventures waiting for them just around the corner! Literally. The foursome was rapidly approaching Pallet Town though they had been traipsing through Hoenn only the day before. It was a strange phenomenon that not even Max could explain; some might have called it fate. Of course, none of them had actually noticed the sudden shift of regions because May was far too busy being obsessed with herself, Max with his Pokenav, Ash with the pretty butterfly's fluttering over his head, and Brock because, well, he just could not read the map simply because he could not see anything.
Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, three well known yet menacing figures burst out of the bushes at the group's left.
"Prepare for trouble!" A red haired woman shouted enthusiastically, stabbing her index finger high in the air.
"And make it double!" A purple haired young man in white trousers and a shirt tattooed with a vibrant red 'R' added smugly.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples with in our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and-" Here the red head faltered glancing as if suddenly confused at her partner. She swallowed and continued on as if thoroughly shaken, "-a-and love."
The young man stared at her, a strange expression crawling across his boyish features, "To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jessie!" The woman shouted, jerking her gaze away from the purple haired man and returning with surprising ferocity to the familiar motto.
"James!" James was grinning almost stupidly.
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth! That's right!" Unsurprisingly the finishing line of the motto was voiced by Meowth, Jessie and James's talking, human-like cat Pokemon, the third member of the die hard trio.
"We've come to steal Pikachu!" Jessie shouted, pointing determinedly at the little yellow rodent who cowered uselessly at Ash's feet, "So hand it over right now!"
"Oh no!" May screamed, clearly on the verge of hysterics, "Ahhhhhhhhh! It's Team Rocket! They've come to take Pikachu! Run!"
"To the bomb shelter!" Max shouted simultaneously, stopping only to adjust his gimungo glasses before setting off at a dead sprint.
"Duhr, pretty butterflies?" Ash said.
Brock rolled his eyes, or tried to; it did not work for unfortunately he had no eyes. "Do I have to do everything for you guys?" He asked, annoyed at the sheer cowardice of his companions.
Max's eyes darted quickly around his surroundings; he'd come to a complete halt almost as soon as he'd begun to run, too exhausted to carry on. A look of pure horror crossed his face as he examined the surrounding area, "Oh no! The bomb shelter is gone! What shall we do? Everybody panic!" With that he ran screaming in circles, "Where's the bomb shelter! Where's the bomb shelter!"
May was not doing much better than her younger brother for she had somehow jammed her head underground, rear end sticking way up into the air, as if that would somehow protect her, screaming for all she was worth.
"Durh, pretty butterflies?" Ash said.
Brock sighed, "You guys are pathetic! Well, I guess I'll just have to handle this myself being the oldest and all since—" He cut off abruptly as he turned to face Team Rocket who surprisingly had not said a word throughout this entire encounter. The trio was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Pikachu. Brock stared, or tried to. He could not believe that for once Team Rocket had actually managed to capture Pikachu and successfully get away with it. This was about to go down as one of the most momentous events in history and the rest of his companions were acting like the pure idiots they were and hadn't even noticed!
"Durh, pretty butterflies?" Ash said.
----------
It was a dejected group, or rather a dejected Brock, that trudged down the long winding road toward Pallet Town compared to the happy go-lucky singing and skipping it had partaken in before. Team Rocket had captured Pikachu with out even a fight, going against the usual play of things, plummeting the group's spirits below ground, literally in May's case, and as an added bonus they had nothing to go on but a random guess of the trio's whereabouts. Pikachu's abduction seemed to have taken a toll for the worse on everybody, especially May and Max.
The young black haired child was stepping cautiously, glancing as if almost completely paranoid at his surroundings as he stepped jumpily along the road. His mouth seemed to be working silently as if he were talking to himself like a lunatic. He appeared to be mumbling the same phrase over and over to himself almost obsessively, "Where's the bomb shelter? Where's the bomb shelter?"
May's face was caked with dried mud and dirt, and the damp strands of grass clinging stubbornly to her debris filled hair gave her an especially comical appearance. Strangely she appeared almost identical to Ash's Torkoal.
It had taken almost a full fifteen minutes to coax May to quit thrashing about like a fish out of water to avoid seriously injuring someone with a stray foot or clawing hand. It had taken another ten minutes for Brock to get her to agree to pull her head out of the hole where she'd shoved it at Team Rocket's sudden appearance, and another five to actually get the suddenly hysterical girl out when it became increasingly apparent that her head was thoroughly stuck underground. When a screaming, red faced May had finally emerged much worse for the ware with a resounding POP! out of the hole she had immediately dropped into a dead faint from all the trauma she'd faced. With out further ado Brock had grabbed the limp girl by the wrists and begun to drag her down the road, calling for the paranoid Max and the still oblivious Ash to come along.
Ash stared blankly at the pretty butterflies fluttering over his head. He was confused, sure that there had been three pink and two blue ones instead of the other way around only a moment before. Max too stared at the sky, suddenly happy because he had finally figured out what had happened to the bomb shelter. Aliens had simply abducted it. He wished they had taken May with them too, but that was a fantasy that probably would never happen, except for then, because it did.
May screamed and these big blobs of greenish goo surrounded her. It was the Martians! They were carrying machine guns and saying 'nac, nac!' in these absolutely annoying voices after they kept repeating over and over 'We come in peace! Do not run! We are your friends!' and Max was happy that they came in peace but he did not know that they actually did not come in peace and were here to kill every body and destroy all of human civilization so the author concluded that Max had just watched too much of 'Mars Attacks'.
Being dragged along the ground hurt, but May was out cold and did not notice. Brock tripped over a rock he did not see and pretty soon decided to drop May because she was just annoying to drag around, plus he did not really like her anyway, except when some of those rabid Pokemon fans shipped them and fangirled them into shippiness which he hated because May was not hot like Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny and all their sisters and cousins or whatever they were and he did not feel like thinking anymore, or rather the author was tired of Brock's line of thinking, so he decided to shut up.
Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, Team Rocket appeared once again!
"Prepare for trouble!" Jessie shouted, shoving her finger at the sky.
"And make it doub—" James began, but the author did not feel like repeating the entire thing so she decided to fast forward past it.
"letoprotecttheworldfromdevastationtouniteallpeopleswithinournationtodenouncetheevilsoftruthandlovetoextendourreachtothestarsabovejessiejamesteamrocketblastsoffatthespeedoflightsurrendernoworpreparetofightmeowththat'sright!"
Now that that was over the author tried to press the play button but missed and pressed the slow motion button instead.
"----N----O----O----O----O----O----O----O----O----O----O----!----!----!----!----"----S----o----m----e----o----n----e----s----h----o----u
And by the time the author had managed to hit the correct button. No one knew who had been screaming 'noooo' during the slow motion interlude, and it is still a mystery to this day. Duh, duh, duh, duuuhhhhh!
Brock blinked, but he didn't really because he did not have eyes. May blinked because she did not understand what had just happened, none of them did. Max blinked because the bomb shelter was abducted by the Martians who were carrying machine guns and saying 'nac, nac!' in these absolutely annoying voices after they kept repeating over and over 'We come in peace! Do not run! We are your friends!' and Max was happy that they came in peace but he did not know that they actually did not come in peace and were here to kill every body and destroy all of human civilization so the author concluded that Max had just watched too much of 'Mars Attacks'…again.
Ash blinked because he was sure that there had been three pink and two blue butterflies hovering over his head instead of the other way around only a moment before.
Anyway, as soon as that was over Team Rocket blinked too before realizing that they were just boring the readers with all this blinking, so they returned once more to the tantalizing, fun, original, exciting plot!
"What are you guys doing here?" Brock sighed, staring in utter dejection at the ground, "You already have Pikachu, what more do you want from us?"
"Eeek!" May squealed, jumping up and down suddenly, "my grasshopper ate a llama in the front on the over into wow you really woah is on gardens eat…"
"To the bomb shelter!" Max screamed.
"Durh, pretty butterflies?" Ash said.
Everyone ignored the trio of idiots and got on with their lives.
Jessie blin…no she didn't, not after that blinking infection that seemed to have captured everyone before, and spoke. "Well," She said slowly, exchanging glances with James, "We captured Pikachu, celebrated and got bored. It's no fun just having Pikachu like that. Then we can't chase you around anymore. So, we're going to give it back to you." She motioned for Meowth who set the little yellow rodent out on the ground in front of Ash. He stared at it moronically. Pikachu stared back, just as moronically.
"Y-you're just giving it back?" Brock exclaimed, not quite understanding what the trio was telling him, "Just like that?"
Jessie and James nodded.
----------
"Play Dough!" Mew said, eating spicy turkeys and throwing red peppers at Ho-oh, "Let's all eat noodles!"
"Noodles are for WHIMPS!" Ho-oh screamed, "Impalas! We eat impalas! Yeah!1!111111oneone!eleven!1111onehunderedeleven!111222two!1111"
"How 'bout armadillos!" Groudon ate ketchup.
"PLAY DOUGH PWNS U ALL!"
And so sheep flew.
----------
"Let's pat the nice people on the head!" May suggested, patting Jessie and James on the head as she did, "Bye!"
"Uh…dat girl's got issues," Meowth said.
"I know," Brock whined, "take her away from me."
"Sorry, no can do," James said.
"Why not?" Brock demanded, suddenly indignant.
"Beacause!" Meowth piped in excitedly, "Jess an' Jim are gettin' married!
Brock gasped in delight. "I knew it!" He cried, "I just so knew it! I was shipping you two from the very beginning! Squeeeeeeeeee!"
Team Rocket stared at him strangely. Brock sat down, hyper ventilating on the ground.
"Uh…I think we'll just leave now," Jessie said, "What you think James?"
James stared in amusement at Brock's writhing figure, "Uh…yeah, sounds good to me. I always knew the twerps weren't in their right minds, but, well, never this bad."
And so the trio left the scene, for the last and final time.
"Team Rocket's blasting off again!" They shouted. PING!
No one ever figured out how they actually were blasted off but no one really cared because they were all crying because the best characters in the show had left for good and were going to get married because Play Dough is ketchup flavored!
And suddenly Misty was there and they all jumped up and down excitedly and Ash came out of his butterfly stupor and asked Misty out right on the spot or maybe that was just the authors fantasy and then May died and Max was shipped to Ablogisurestan or one of those little –stan countries in the world to act as the official nerd for the country but the plane crashed on the way over and he died as well and Brock celebrated and they all lived happily ever after and Ash never really figured out why there were three pink and two blue butterflies hovering over his head instead of the other way around.
And there was whirled peas.
Except Mew made Ho-oh eat Noodles.
"NOODLES! It's NOODLES!"
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