The world was made up of four walls.
There were windows but they were never opened and the curtains were never drawn. There was no point to it. The room was warm in the winter and cool in the summer thanks to the magic of central air. There was plenty of light when it was needed, too, thanks to the magic of energy efficient lightbulbs. Of course the light was rarely turned on. The world looked smaller when the light was turn on. Small and claustrophobic and messy. Garbage piled high in all corners of the world. Bags and boxes, cans and bottles, as well as mountains of dirty clothes.
The world was rarely cleaned.
Once every other month of so he left the world. He took a trip across the hallway, it might as well have been a canyon, to the bathroom while his world was cleaned. Bags of garbage were hauled out. Baskets upon baskets of clothes were carried out to be washed. Even long lost treasures were unearthed such as the good dinner plate and the drinking glass with the built in straw. Those were the worst sorts of days. Those were the days when the world got even smaller…smaller and brighter. There were no curtains in the bathroom and the frosted glass window did nothing to keep the light out. He could see everything in the bathroom, including himself. No matter how long he tried to resist he couldn't help but look at himself in the mirror. It was easier when he didn't have to spend time in there. He only actually left to use the bathroom when mom was at work, safer for her that way, and he only showered once every few weeks and even then only when mom was gone. He was in and out and never even had to glance at himself in the mirror once.
But not when the room was being cleaned.
"Mom! I can't be in here any longer!" said Serizawa as he covered his eyes and brought his knees up to his chest. He was hiding behind the bathroom shelf with all of moms stuff on it. Her fancy soaps and perfumes and shampoos and conditioners and other things that he didn't even know the name of. He hated it in here. He wanted to go back home, home to his room, home to a world where he didn't have to look at himself. There weren't any mirrors in his world. He didn't have to look up and accidentally make eye contact with a complete stranger.
With himself.
"Katsuya, honey, try and hold out. I haven't even gotten your little table cleaned off yet." Said mom. He could hear her through the door. She sounded different through this door. Maybe because it wasn't as thick. This door was new, well relatively new. It had it's scratches and nicks but it was better than the old door. A year or so, maybe longer time was kind of slippery these days, he'd accidentally sent the door flying off of it's hinges and this was the only one that mom could get on short notice. He'd waited until she was asleep to put it up for her, though, because he liked building things…and it was his fault that the bathroom had been ruined in the first place.
It was always his fault.
"Mom….I don't think that I can…please?" asked Serizawa. He couldn't be here any longer. This day was already too much. Mom had found someone else to 'talk' to him. Someone who said that they were like him. That was what they all said. 'I was once like you' like it meant anything. There wasn't anyone in the whole world who was like him. There wasn't anyone else in the world who could do the things that he could do. Sure there were people who said that they could, people who swore up, down, and sideways that they were just like him, but they weren't. They said that they could see the future and read the stars and read minds but, really, they were all liars. The worst sort of liars. Why would anyone pretend to be able to do what he could do?
Why would anyone want this curse?
"Katsuya….alright baby. I'm going to go outside to the garden now so you can go back to your room. I'll be back in the house in fifteen minutes, alright?" said mom. She had to do that. She had to be far away from him when he left his room for her own safety. He had accidentally sent her flying so many times before…back when he'd been little. Back when he'd gone from being able to make his toys float and making the lights flicker to just…picking her up and throwing her across the room….there had been so much blood….she had gotten right up and dusted herself off but…but her arm had extra corners…and after he'd gone to his room she'd gone to the hospital…he knew because she came back with a cast and a lollipop for him….and a sticker because he'd been young enough to collect those…and he still did even though he was….older….and she'd slid it all under his door…
Because that had been the last day that he'd spent out of his room.
"Ok, mom. I'm setting a timer on my phone now." Said Serizawa as he took his phone out of his pocket. Some crumbs were stuck to it…and he needed to change his pants. His shirt, too, and he needed to….well he had needed a shower for some time. He used to be able to get away with not showering for longer but that was before he had become….this person.
The person who was looking at him in the mirror.
The last time he'd looked in the mirror on purpose he'd been tall enough that he needed to stand on a phonebook to make eye contact with himself. Now he was taller. Now he was so taller that, standing at his full height, he could see even above the mirror. He was taller than mom now, maybe, he didn't know. He hadn't stood in the same room as her, with her in the house even, since he'd been little. He was big now, bigger than her most likely, bigger than all the other kids…well they would have gotten bigger at some point too since they'd also grown up…but he was still probably really tall. Maybe dad had been tall….he didn't know. He had never known his dad. Only his mom.
It had always been him and mom…and it always would be.
He listened to her footsteps. He counted them. Ten from his room to the stairs. Eight stairs, sixteen footsteps. Silence as she crossed the living room rug, fifteen seconds of it. Two footsteps as she stopped at the genkan. Six seconds to put on her shoes….it used to be three but she had gotten a new pair. He wondered if his shoes were still down there…his old school shoes…he didn't know. All he knew was that mom had oiled the front door so he really had to strain to listen for it to open. It shut with a soft sound, too, because mom had done something to keep it from slamming…since the slamming had scared him when he'd been little….well not very little but….not recently….right?
He didn't know. He'd disabled the date and time display from his phone long ago.
Not long after he'd gotten it. He'd broken his first phone back when he'd had….back when the accident had happened…and then mom had gotten him this new one and said that he could have it if he came out of his room. He didn't come out. It ended up being a birthday present. He'd had it since he was thirteen so….it had been….long enough for the Evangelion stickers he'd put on it to face away. Long enough for the numbers on the keys to get worn down. Long enough for the screen to get burnt. Long enough….a very long time. It had been a very long time since he'd gotten this phone…and it would be a very long time since he got another one.
What did he need a new phone for, anyway?
He had his computer. He had his games. He had enough things to disable the date and time on already. Who would he even call? Mom? Well if there was an emergency…and there never was an emergency. Nothing ever happened. He went to sleep, he got up, he ate, he played games, he pissed in bottles, he slept, he got up, he played games, he ate again, he pissed in more bottles, and then the same thing over and over and over again. That was his life. Nothing ever happened let alone any emergencies…and this did not count. Crossing the hallway to get back to his bedroom did not count as an emergency…even though the house shook and…well the hallway light exploded again….but that wasn't an emergency. He would just warn mom when she came back in that there was broken glass everywhere. That wasn't an emergency…..
And neither was this.
He had read, well mom had read to him, a poem from a book of them when he had been very small. You can't forsake the journey for the safety of your room. Well he didn't give an f-word about the journey. He would gladly forsake everything for the safety of his room. Not for his own safety, no, but for the safety of everyone else in the world. He had to keep them safe from him. He didn't know what he had done to become….the person he was now….the person who had this curse inside of him….but he knew that it was best for the rest of the world if he just….left it. If he let it turn without him. The world had turned for millions of years without Serizawa Katsuya and it would continue to turn for millions of years after him. Not that he was planning on killing himself.
Not while mom was alive, anyway.
Mom asked him that, sometimes, if he was planning on killing himself. If she should worry. If there was something that she could do. There was nothing that she could do…and he wasn't going to, anyway, because for some reason she still loved him. Even with the burden he was to her. Even with the curse he had inside of himself. Mom loved him and he wouldn't put her through him dying. No, she would go first because she was mom and then if he didn't make himself join her he would just end up starving to death anyway. She was all he had after all. He'd never even met his dad, grandma and grandpa had told mom to leave and never come back when she had gotten pregnant with him, he had told her so many times before that he was sorry for that but for some reason she didn't think that it was his fault, and mom's brothers and sisters didn't talk to her either. It was just him and mom and it would always be him and mom.
Until the day she died. Then it would be him and mom again.
Even though she would have been so much better off without her. He knew how old he was, old enough to be a grown up, and hadn't seen her in years but he knew that her voice had gotten deeper and sort of gravelly and that her brush had grey hair in it. She was getting old. She could have spent what time she had left having fun. She could have made friends and gone on trips, his whole life she had told him about the trips that they'd go on once she made enough money, and she could have been able to get pretty clothes and fancy jewelry like she had always looked at when they went window shopping in the rich people's department store, not the economy one she worked at, and she could have had a talking parrot like she had always talked about….she could have done so much if he had never been born. She could have had grandma and grandpa and the aunts and uncles that he'd never met….she could have had the life that she deserved if he had never been born…
But he had been born…so here he was.
Here he was sitting down at his little table. Mom hadn't cleared it out. She had gotten rid of all of his bottles….and he felt bad. He knew that they were gross but he couldn't leave the room when she was at home. He wished that he could have been better. That he could have helped her. But he couldn't. All he could do was sit at his tiny table and just…wait. Wait for something to happen, which it would. Someone was coming to meet him. Someone named Suzuki, someone important named Suzuki, someone important named Suzuki who claimed to have all the answers. He knew what this Suzuki person would say, something along the lines of 'I know what you're going through' and 'I want to help you' and all the same lines that everyone else used. The counsellors and psychiatrist and psychologists and priests and monks and social workers and volunteers and anyone else who mom could drag into this house. Anyone else who told her that they had the answers, that they could save her poor son, that they could save her from the burden that she had created for herself.
Nobody had any answers.
Because there weren't any. He was a mistake that mom had made. He was cursed. He had ruined her life. He had ruined his own life. He had ruined the lives of the people he'd hurt when…the people he'd hurt on that day. That was what he was. He was a life ruiner, a cursed life ruiner, and he ruined people's lives….so really there was nothing at all that he could do besides sit down at his little table, cross his legs, turn on his TV, and start a game of Bomberman.
And also warn mom about the glass.
"Mom! There's broken glass in the hallway!" shouted Serizawa as he heard her footsteps in the genkan. His voice felt odd, raw, when he shouted…and he so rarely did. Even when he lost at games…well he used to shout, back when he'd been little. Back when he'd been able to lay out completely on his bed. Back when his favorite pair of pajamas had still fit, now they were like doll clothes, back when he'd had to jump to touch the top of the doorframe. He wasn't little anymore. He was big now, not even a big kid but a grown up, and he didn't shout anymore.
What would even have been the point?
"I see it, Katsuya, thank you for warning me. Now you just stay in there and try to be calm. They should be here soon. I'll knock on your door when they're here, alright? And they may want to open it, they may have to, so if they do just try and stay calm. I'll have them stand with their backs pressed to the wall, though, just like last time. Alright?" asked mom. Serizawa nodded, an old habit, before clearing his throat so that he could speak.
"Yes mom. I'll try." Said Serizawa. That was what he had done last time, he'd tried, and he'd managed to last for almost a minute before he sent the councilor flying into the bathroom. The tub had broken his fall….though maybe the wall would have been less painful. Serizawa didn't know. He'd said sorry…so that must have helped…even though it probably didn't. Sorry didn't fix broken bones. Sorry didn't fix cuts. Sorry didn't fix the damage he did to the house. Sorry was just….it was sorry. It was words.
It was words that he would probably have to say to this Suzuki person.
He was either going to have to talk to a man or his daughter. Mom had said that she had found some people who represented an organization for people like him and their leader was a kind, powerful, and generous man, they had said, named Suzuki with an even more generous and powerful and kind daughter. He was hoping that it was the man, not the daughter, because girls made him nervous. They were just…girls. The only girls that he had ever known in life had been the girls in his class and he had always been nervous around them….and now it was even worse since he never saw girls. Not even mom…even though she didn't really count as a girl because she was a mom. Girls always made him nervous and when he was nervous he lost control…and he always felt extra bad for losing control at girls since they were, well, girls. He really hoped that he ended up having to talk to the man instead of the girl.
Well what he really hoped for was to never have to talk to anyone ever again.
He wanted to play Bomberman. He wanted to spend the next…until he got sleepy…playing Bomberman. He understood Bomberman. He held the world record high score in Bomberman...and a few other things too. High scores, speed run records, longest continuous playtimes….he understood games. He understood games and he was good at games and he didn't know why he couldn't just be left alone to play games…well because mom was getting tired of him, probably. She loved him, she had told him so many times she loved him, but he knew that she must have hated him too. Hated the burden that he was. Hated how she had to waste her life taking care of him. Hated how she had to give up all of her dreams for him. Hated how she had given up her entire life, her family and everything, for him. She loved him but…he knew that he love had limits. That was why he went along with this even though he knew that nothing could come of it.
He did it for her.
He would meet with this Suzuki person for her. He would open the door to his world for her. He would let the light in for her. He would put down his controller for her. For her, for her, always for her. He loved her. He loved her and…and he owed her. For all the time she had put into taking care of him. For all the money she spent on him. For all the time she had spent cooking food for him. All of it. She had done it all for him….and he loved her so much and….and he would do it all for her…even though he would rather have sat there until he fell asleep running through mazes and trying not to explode.
That was his whole life, really, trying not to explode.
Games helped. Games had always helped. Back when he'd gotten his first Gameboy. Back when he'd play Tetris for hours and hours when he was out of the house with mom. At the store, the bus stop, the train station….where there were large groups of unfamiliar people that could bump into him…that could look at him…that could do any number of things that would make him nervous. That Gameboy had probably saved hundred of lives back then. His old Famicom, too, and his Super Famicom after that…and his Master System….and all of the other consoles that he had on the shelves beside his TV. That stack of consoles had probably saved the lives of the people of Baked Goods City more times than anyone could ever even count up to. Games helped and…and he knew that as long as there were games in the world, and that his world didn't extend past these four walls, then everyone would be safe.
He knew it but mom, really, did not.
"Katsuya, honey, a car just stopped in front of the house. I think that it's them. I'm going to go downstairs and let them in. Alright? Then I'm going to bring them upstairs and knock on your door. Alright?" asked Mom. She thought that it helped that she told him everything that she was going to do, and maybe it did, but also it didn't. Now all he could think about was how there was going to be some stranger, maybe even a girl, in his house. He held his game controller tightly in his hands. He could feel the curse just under his skin. The lights above him flickered on for a moment. The room was smaller. The room was dirtier. The room was pressing in on him. He focused on what he was doing.
Left.
Two, now four, footsteps in the genkan.
Down.
Something pressing down on….him?
Left.
Silence. Itching on his….not his skin but….himself?
Hit X.
More unfamiliar voices.
Go right.
The feeling is getting stronger.
Hit Y.
The feeling is stronger.
Go left.
Twelve footsteps on the stairs.
Hold down Y.
Voices outside his door.
Go down.
A knock.
"Katsuya? Miss Suzuki is here to talk to you. I'm just going to go out to the garden now and I won't come back until Miss Suzuki leaves, alright?" said mom. Serizawa nodded before remembering that he needed to talk. He felt…like there was someone in the room with him…and he saw…colors. He could see himself now, purple, he could see his curse and….and she had a curse too. She had…pink. Pink and blue. She was…she was like him. She was the first one that he had ever….ever met. Someone else with his curse. Someone who…who might have been able to….to actually understand and…and he just…it was a girl. There was a girl outside of his room and….and it would have been so much easier if she had been a man but….but she might have been able to understand….and nobody had ever been able to understand him before and….
"Ok mom. You can open the door." Said Serizawa. He heard he door open. He closed his eyes. He heard mom's footsteps, he counted them, and he heard the front door. He didn't open his eyes until he heard the door close. He had no idea if mom had made it to the garden or not but…she was out of the house. He was out of the house and now he could open his eyes…and he would have to talk to the girl and….
And that was a girl.
"Hi. I'm Suzuki Shigeko. You can call me Miss Suzuki or Shigeko or Shige or Mob. My friends all call me mob…and you can call me that too since I want us to be friends." Said Miss Suzuki. Miss. Girls were called Miss and people were called by their family names and….and she was a girl named Miss Suzuki….and she was a girl. When he said girl he meant lady…because he was a man now so the people who had been girls when he had been a boy were ladies now because he was a man…and anyway he had been expecting a lady because councilors and the like were adults but….but that was a girl…
Or maybe she was just tiny.
Yes, that was a thing that happened sometimes. There were characters like that, ladies who looked like girls, like Biscuit Krueger from HunterXHunter or Near from Death Note or Taiga Aisaka from Tordora….or a bunch of other characters he couldn't think of right now. She was standing in his doorway, closer than anyone had ever stood before, and he could tell that she was as short as he had been the last time he had ever left the house….and she must have been…his age….right? If she was coming to help him….and also she was wearing makeup….and she…she must not have been…a kid…right?
How could a kid possibly help him? He was being stupid.
"You…you shouldn't get so close…Miss Suzuki. I'm….not normal." Said Serizawa. He had to warn her. If he could see purple then that meant that his curse was getting really bad now. He could feel it, always, just beneath his skin….and he hated it. He wished that, one those rare times when it came out like this, it would just stay out….even though that was a selfish wish. If his curse didn't come back to his body then someone else could get it…and he didn't wish this on anyone else in the whole world.
"Yeah, your room is kind of messy but that's ok. I can be kind of messy too sometimes." Said Miss Suzuki. Was she making fun of him? Or….or what? She just…she was looking at him…and into his room…and he knew that people who weren't cursed couldn't see the purple, well nobody but him could, but if she had the curse too then couldn't she see his? Because he could see hers? He didn't know how this worked. Until a second ago he had thought that he was the only one in the whole world…and obviously he was wrong…
The world had gotten a lot smaller.
"No I mean…I can do things that other people can't do…and you should stay away from me." Said Serizawa. She stayed. Everyone he had warned stayed but…but she didn't have any expression. It was like he had told her about…the weather…or something. He got the feeling that she was curious…but he had no idea where that feeling had come from. He just…felt like she was curious and….and he knew that it was a feeling and….
And this was just…a lot.
"It's ok. I don't mind. I'm not scared of you." Said Miss Suzuki. She said it and….and she meant it. She must have. She was looking at him like…like he was boring. Like he was the most boring thing that she had ever seen. She was just standing there holding this white umbrella and staring at him and…and she had said that she wasn't scared of him…so she must have been either really brave or really stupid.
"You should be. I'm….I'm cursed." Said Serizawa. Did she not realize that her colors meant that she was cursed too? Didn't she know how dangerous he was? He focused on his game. He focused on his game and not the girl who was staring at him….
And who had taken a step into his room.
"You don't have a curse stuck to you. I think that you just died in your game because you weren't paying attention, that's all. What game is that, by the way? It looks old, or it might just be old looking." Said Miss Suzuki. She took another step into his room. He clutched his controller so hard in his hands that the plastic cracked. The lights flickered in his room again. The picture on the screen cut out for a moment. Miss Suzuki….
Didn't even notice.
"You-you should get away from me. It-it's not safe here for you. Ev-even if you aren't cursed too." Said Serizawa. She looked at him…and she still had no expression. He got the feeling that she was studying him and…and he felt her colors wash over him. It felt…his colors stuck to hers. It felt so…good. Safe. Warm. Like….like being under an electric blanket. Their colors…they got stuck together….because they came apart.
She was looking at him still.
"You shouldn't be so scared. You aren't cursed. There's nothing wrong with you." Said Miss Suzuki. She said that and…and she was just…she was lying. She was lying just like all the others had….but it was worse because she was just as cursed as he was. She had colors, too. She had colors and she had just touched her colors to his and…and she was lying and…
And he could see his colors.
"Don't lie to me." Said Serizawa. He heard another crack. He was holding his controller way too tightly. He died again. He wasn't paying attention. He had to pay attention. He had to pay attention or he would die again. He would die again and again and again….and he could…he would…he needed….he needed to stop this but…but the curse was just too….too much and….
"I'm not lying. You aren't cursed. Believe me, I know what curses feel like, and you don't have even the littlest curse stuck to you." Said Miss Suzuki. The littlest….couldn't she see it? If he could see her pink and blue then she should have been able to see all of this purple…she should have been able to see the curse that had been stuck to him for his entire life. She should have been able to see it and…and she should have just….told him the truth! She didn't have to lie to him…and he was so tired of listening to lies from people who said that they could help him! There wasn't anyone in the world who could help him! Not even someone who was cursed like he was!
"You….you shouldn't say that…..you can see the colors…they're the same as yours…the same thing and…and if you're cursed then I'm cursed…and you should get out." Said Serizawa. Even if she was lying to him he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to be alone in his room so he could play games and wait for mom to die so he could die. Then it could all just….stop….and he would never have to worry about it again. Hurting people. His curse. Wasting mom's life as well as his own. All of it.
"The colors? You mean our auras? That's normal. We're espers, we're supposed to have auras." Said Miss Suzuki. She waved her hand and…and her colors touched his and…and this was not normal! People were not supposed to have colors like this! This was a curse. This was a curse and they were cursed and…and they had to be. If they weren't cursed then….then why…why hadn't he ever met anyone who could do this before today!? And why did this have to be him!? He didn't…he couldn't….he just….purple. There was too much purple.
"Please….don't tell me things like that…or I might….it's not safe here. You should go." Said Serizawa. He needed her to go. He needed her to go before he sent her flying. He needed her to go before it happened again. She was small, smaller than him, as small as a kid. As small as those kids had been when he…on that day. She was small and…and she was like him but…but he could hurt her! Didn't she realize that he could hurt her!?
"What do you mean? It's safe here. Your mom told me that you don't want to hurt people. She told me that you were gentle and sweet and that you would never deliberately hurt anyone. That's why I'm here. She asked me to come and help you with your powers." Said Miss Suzuki. Mom…mom….mom was outside. She was outside and she was safe and…and Miss Suzuki needed to go outside and she needed to be with mom….where she could be safe and….and he needed her to be safe and….and he needed to keep everyone safe from himself….that was what he needed….
"You…you need to leave…." Said Serizawa. He wanted to pick her up and carry her away…and he was big enough and she was small enough that he could have…but he didn't. He stayed in one spot. If he moved then his curse would act up…and if his curse acted up then she would get hurt…and that was the…the worst thing that he could do to another human being…if he even was a human being…..
"It's ok to lose control of your powers sometimes…especially when you've never had a teacher. Power is nothing without control, my dad said, which is sort of like 'conceal don't feel'…but you're a boy and you don't have any sisters so you probably don't know what Frozen is….anyway….um…yeah. My dad's been teaching me my whole life, how to control my powers and, if you want, I can teach you too. Controlling your powers isn't easy but I can try my best to help. There's all kinds of stuff that you can do. I can show you what works for me and maybe it'll work for you, too, or maybe we'll need to try something entirely new. It's ok, though, because I'll be there for you." Said Miss Suzuki. She was…she was lying to him. There was no way to control this curse. There was no way to take this terrible power that he had been born with and just…make it listen. She was…she was just telling him what he wanted to hear. She was just telling him what he had been praying to hear for his entire life….and saying thing like that…she could say whatever she wanted but that didn't mean that it was the truth.
She couldn't have possible been telling the truth…and she needed to go….for her own safety.
"Please…you need to leave...before I….before it happens….again…." Said Serizawa. The curse was getting worse. He could hold it back for a little bit but he couldn't stop it. He could never stop it. She was going to end up flying through the air. She was going to end up broken and bloody and…and it would be all his fault….just like before. He was going to hurt her…just like he had hurt those kids from before and….and he just…there was nothing at all that he could do….and he just…
Needed her to get the f-word out right now.
"I don't want to leave, though, I can tell that you're upset and I could never just leave one of my friends alone when they're upset….not that we're friends yet but I would like to be. From what your mom said you seem very nice and I think that we'll get along very well." Said Miss Suzuki. She was still lying to him. There was no way that they could be friends. He couldn't have friends. He had never had friends. Nobody had ever been able to get close enough to him….because this always happened. She was just saying things and…and they hurt. They hurt him so now his curse….it wanted to hurt her…and he didn't want to hurt her but….but the curse…there was nothing that anyone could do about it. It was a part of him and it would be there until the day he died…and he didn't need someone coming into his world and…and telling him things that could never be true.
"No…..no more….please….you have to stop…." said Serizawa. He didn't want to hear it. He wanted to cover his ears and eyes and just….wake up…or go to sleep…or do something that would make this girl just…disappear. She needed to disappear. She needed to be just…gone. Gone and…and safe. She needed to be somewhere far from him….like everyone else in the world did….
"You don't have to be scared anymore. I can help you and we can be friends and you'll be able to go outside again and make new friends and then-" said Miss Suzuki. She was just…why couldn't she just stop?! He didn't want to hear it! She didn't understand! Nobody would ever be able to understand! She was just…he had no idea what she really wanted but…but he knew what he wanted. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be alone in his room where it was safe. Not just safe for him but safe for everyone else. He was going to die in this room, he wanted to die in this room, and he wanted to die alone so everyone would be safe from him!
Why could she just see that?
He had been telling her to get out but it was like she was deaf or something. Like she just wanted to hear what she felt like. In one ear and out the other, like mom had said before. She needed to listen and he…he needed to get her to listen. He needed to get her to listen and he needed to get her the f-word out her here before she got hurt! Before he sent her flying and…and there was blood again….
No more blood on his hands….never again…..
"Get out of my room! Just get out! Out!" screamed Serizawa. Screaming was wrong. It hurt him. His throat felt raw and…and he knew that he shouldn't have shouted but…but he had lost control. He hadn't been able to stop the screams from coming out and…and he hadn't been able to stop the curse either. All of the purple. He couldn't hold it back anymore. He had tried and it hadn't been good enough. He had warned her but he hadn't been good enough at that either. He wasn't good at anything. He wasn't anything, anything good. He was terrible. He was dangerous. He was the worst. He had been as bad as he could be. He couldn't stop himself from losing control. He couldn't stop himself from sending everything that he could touch with his colors, including her, flying. He closed his eyes. He knew that he would still be able to hear her. He knew that he would be hearing her screams in his mind for the rest of his life. He knew that he would hear the thud of her body. He knew that he would hear the crunch of bone. He knew that he would smell blood, too, and there might have been a lot again. Enough that he could taste it in the air. Coppery. Blood was coppery. There had been a lot of blood that day. He hated this part. She'd go flying into the wall, or the bathroom, and she'd scream and-
And nothing happened.
Everything that he had picked up was floating in the air. She had a hand up and…and all of the colors…his colors…they went back to her. She was holding up her hand and…and she was just…holding the things up. He could…he could see her doing it. The same as….as he could do…but she wasn't scared. She wasn't anything. She was just holding her umbrella with one hand and…and all the junk in his room up with the other.
"I'm sorry that I upset you….I guess that I got carried away. I just really want you to join Claw and be my friend. You're an esper and I'm an esper and…well friends need to have something in common and that's something….and also we both like videogames and can be kind of messy….so can we be friends? Please?" asked Miss Suzuki. She put everything down. She put the trash back on his table and the floor, she put his clothes back into their piles, and she even out his models and games back on their shelves. She did it all with just her hand raised in the air. She was like him…
But better.
She could control her curse. She could control it well enough that with just a wave of her hand she could do…all of that…and her colors were so calm….and she was so calm. Like this was normal for her. Like all of this was just her normal, everyday, life or something….and it might have been. She was….she was an esper…she had said…and he knew what an esper was but….but he hadn't known that they were real…that there were other people like him….like her. People who could do the same things that he could…but could also just…be out in society. That could exist in the world without being burdens to the people around him. That could have lives outside of four tiny walls. That could even….even have friends…
She wanted to be his friend.
"I can't leave this room. Whenever I do I get dizzy and scared and…and that happens. I can't ever leave this room but…but I would like…to be your friend. To be your friend and to…to meet other people like you….me….us." said Serizawa. She was looking at him now. She was looking at him and…and he got the feeling that he was being studied. She took a step closer and still stared at him, then she looked around, and the she looked down at her umbrella.
And then she opened it.
"Here. You can have this umbrella. It was kind of rainy today and my dad made me take it even though I don't need it. You can have it and whenever you stand under it you can pretend that you're in your room. Then you can come with me and we can be friends. You'll never have to be scared again. I can teach you how to control your powers. How does that sound?" asked Miss Suzuki. She stood over him with an opened umbrella and…and he knew that it was bad luck to open an umbrella inside but…but under it….he could feel….it felt small. It felt safe. It felt…she was close now that he could feel her colors and…
And it felt safe.
You can't forsake the journey for the safety of your room. That was from a poem mom had read to him when he had been little. Littler than Miss Suzuki even. You couldn't forsake the journey for the safety of your room and…and those hadn't just been words on a page. That was the truth. He had been forsaking the journey for his entire life but….no more. Not when there was a world out there outside of these four walls. Not when there were other people like him out there. Not when he could take the safety of his room with him wherever he went just so long as he was under this umbrella…and just so long as he was with Miss Suzuki….
He didn't need this room, these four walls, so long as he had Miss Suzuki near him.