Disclaimer: I don't own any O.C.-related - only the characters I may invent during the writing of the story - they're all FOX's property.. thanxx 2U, guys
Autor's note: Thanks to Leentje for being so faithful.
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Ryan quietly opened the door to the poolhouse, closing it behind him as silently as possible when he noticed that Cat had fallen asleep. She lay on the far side of the bed, occupying as little space as possible, tightly clutching the blanket.
He took off his shoes and sneaked over to her, covering her bare legs she'd kicked the sheets off. She made a soft grumbling sound that caused him to smile. A long strand of hair had escaped her headband. It was of a silky chestnut and made him want to touch it. He resisted and went to the bathroom instead, changed into more comfortable clothes, brushed his teeth and washed his face with cold water, then went back in, dimmed down the light a little more and tuned the music down before folding up on the couch, taking a book with him.
He wasn't exactly planning on staying awake the whole night, but at least a little longer. Every once in a while he glanced over to Cat's sleeping form, especially when she started tossing and turning, bringing out the typical sounds of a bad dream that reminded him of Trey and, thinking about it, of himself. If what he'd read about people processing the day's events in their sleep was true, he wondered if only the ones who'd suffered from something that resulted in nightmares were forced to relive it. He doubted that the people who caused all that suffering had to go through their actions again, or else the A.J.s and Caleb Nichols of this world would hardly catch any sleep at all.
Maybe it was the silence that woke him a few hours later. He rubbed his eyes and casually looked over to the bed – finding it empty. A curse on his lips Ryan got to his feet and quickly scanned the room: her bag was still there. Discovering a little light emanate from under the bathroom door he let out a sigh of relief.
He sat back down and waited a couple of minutes for her to come out again. When nothing happened he went up the few stairs and softly knocked on the door. "Cat.. you in there?" He listened for a moment, then tried again. "Hey, are you in there? Answer me. Please." "Uhu.." So she was still there. "Everything okay?" "Uhu.." "I mean are you okay?" "Uhu.." That was a little too monosyllabic, even for Ryan. "Really?" "Fine.." By now he began to comprehend why Seth was never satisfied with that statement. "Listen, tell me the truth: How are you? Don't say fine, you don't sound fine, okay?" He knocked again when she didn't answer. "Can I come in? Hello?" "U-uh.." Great. Struggling against the urge to crash the door he warned her: "If you don't come out now, I'll come in, okay? D'you hear me?" Already one hand upon the door-handle he waited for a response. When the only one he got was a barely audible moan, he couldn't resist any longer.
The door wasn't even locked – not that this would've stopped him.
She sat in the shower, knees pulled up against her chest, her forehead rested on top of them, and appeared to be either crying or shivering. Ryan carefully approached her, then sunk to his knees at her side.
"Hey.. what's wrong?" he voiced softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Nothin', I'm fine", she replied, voice muffled since she didn't look up. With knitted eyebrows he scrutinized her and developed a line of dark blood making it's way to the sink. Just then he noticed as well the trace of red droplets, beginning about two feet from the door and leading to where she was sitting. A little startled he tried to soothe her as he suddenly felt her whole body tense and her breathing became shallow and ragged. Now, there was even more blood – it seemed to originate from beneath her. When what might have been a spasm was over and she inhaled more deeply and relaxed, he cleared his throat, not quite sure of what to say. "Uhm.. this is.. more than it should be.. I mean, this can't be .. well.. normal.." "Dunno what 'cha mean", she muttered. "Come on, that much bleeding.." "What! Are you a fuckin' specialist!" she snapped, giving him an angry glare. He quickly drew back his hand, about to give her a matching rejoinder, but all of a sudden she bit her hand, trying to suppress a cry. More and more concerned Ryan watched her hug herself tightly, almost forming a ball, holding her breath except for quick, sobbing gasps. He crept a little closer and gently pulled her against his chest by her shoulders but still she didn't relax. "Shh, shh.. you're gonna be fine. You'll be okay", he soothed, tenderly caressing her head. To his surprise he heard her chuckle between sobs. "Now.. now you say.. fine.." she squeezed out and coughed, cramping again, so hard that her body felt like a tight knot to him. "Dammit.. dammit..", she panted, struggling for air, "and I didn't wanna.. wanna have it in the first.. in the first place.." She relaxed, so suddenly and completely that Ryan at first thought she'd fainted but then he heard her sigh "Sorry.."
Blinking several times he slowly shook his head, trying to process what she'd just said.. Teresa's face crossed his mind. And what she'd told him on the phone when he was in Portland..
"Cat.. Cassandra, tell me.. you didn't just lose a child.." She flinched at his words but didn't answer immediately. "Mon dieu", she finally exclaimed silently, "I wouldn't go that far. I mean.. to already call it a child." "But you WERE pregnant, weren't you." Hesitating she nodded while bracing herself for another spasm. Ryan waited until he felt her relax again, slightly shifting in his arms into a more comfortable position, before he asked: "Was it Doug? Did he punch you in the stomach?" She sighed again. "The big boy? Now you may understand why I didn't wanna give him what he wanted, huh?" she winced with another cramp but carried on. "No, don't think so. Didn't hit me hard enough." "But.. who else?" A short laugh escaped her. "Baby's daddy. Ironic, isn't it?"
Ryan swallowed hard, barely able to comprehend this, unconsciously further caressing her head. "What.. your boyfriend did this to you?" "No, he's.. he was a friend of my brother. After he'd died, Gavin took me in but.. he's got a strange conception of responsibility." She paused, "He.. uhm.. To pay the rent he kinda.. rented me to some guys. And he still considers me one of his hookers. Which I'm not! Believe me.. I'm not.." she'd turned her head to look at him, to make sure he understood. "Don't worry, I believe you", he assured her and she added: "I just.. I did what I had to do. And usually I had an ordinary job. And I tried to stay away from him. Well.. every now and then he finds me.. he knows too many people. Still thinks I owe him. Yeah.. and when I can't come up with money he takes something else", she coughed again.
"But what.. why did he..?" "What – why!" she exclaimed, again switching her temper. Damn, she was worse than Summer! "Why he beat me up? Did the people who beat you up ever give you a reason? No matter what they said to you? Wasn't what they gave you just something to make you feel worse and them better?" Ryan couldn't help but flinch at her statement: She'd just nailed it. The vicious thing about it was that whatever they said or whatever he knew – there'd still been this little voice that hissed: Somehow he must've been guilty, too, deserving it. But how could she know he'd been there, too?
Still bewildered by what she'd said he felt her shake her head. "Excuse me.. you don't deserve to be yelled at." "Yeah?" he smiled, trying to loose the situation a little, "Then what do I deserve? Hm?" "Well.. what you got here. A good home, a good family.. a future.." Ryan rested his head against the tiles and briefly closed his eyes. Did he really deserve this? This girl he barely knew certainly gave him a few things to think about..
He was yanked out of his thoughts when Cat tensed up again, giving out a small sob with every ragged breath. He desperately tried to steady her, calm her. "Cat, please.. let me take you to the hospital, or at least call a doctor.." "No!" she snatched his hand. "No, please. Don't worry. It's.. it's already getting better, believe me.." He noticed how she tried to breathe through the convulsions and sighed when they subsided. "But.. honestly, you're losing so much blood.." "Looks worse than it is. And.. uhm, there's nothing in the bed. Or on the carpet. Promised." How could she worry about that? "Actually, I wish it was more.. ya know, more means usually less pain." She forced a smile on her face when she looked at him again. Smiling back to reassure her he went back to stroking her head. Her bandanna was meanwhile damp with sweat and her whole body felt hot and feverish. Abruptly, the meaning of her words hit him and he straightened up.
"Do you mean this has happened before! Tell me!" he urged when she didn't speak up right away. "Well.. then..", she struggled to find the words, "Uhm.. It ain't good for the biz if one of you gals is big. The word spreads, you lose suitors, get into trouble with child service.. and well, an abortion's expensive. Especially when it's supposed to be clandestine. ..Shit", her short, hoarse laughter startled Ryan, "fuckin' irony that this time without knowing it Gavin did exactly what he would've done if he knew. Only, if he'd known that my saved cash he took was meant for a doc's date he would've been even more mad at me. Lost cash! It's almost funny", she chuckled despite herself. "And that it was HIS baby.. I'm almost grateful he beat it out of me. I'd never have had it. Never.." This time her sobs came out of crying.
Ryan gently put his arms around her, careful not to add too much pressure on her fragile body and rocked her tenderly, his chin rested on her head. This story was just too much, it mad him feel more helpless than ever.
After she'd calmed down a little he cleared his throat, then cautiously formed the words: "Cat.. Let me get Kirsten." He waited for her response, all the while rocking her and gently stroking her hand with one thumb. Barely audible she whispered: "Why?" "Well, for one I gotta go to a drugstore to get you some.. uhm, supplies, maybe something against the pain. And I don't want to leave you all alone while I'm gone. Not because you might leave, just to know you're safe. And second.. she's a woman. And she's a mom. Maybe she can help you more than I'm able to. And I trust her." "You know she'll call a doctor. I mean, she's probably nice and everything, but she's still a.. a lady from Newport, she won't.." "She will understand. Ya know, the Cohens got used to non-Newport-situations since they knew me. And Kirsten promised me to not call her doctor. And again: I trust her." Ryan wasn't sure if he'd convinced her until she sighed and said: "Okay then. I only hope I don't scare her." He smiled at this attempt of a joke. And found he liked her sarcasm.
"Can I leave you alone for a minute?" She nodded, but held him back by his hand when he struggled to his feet despite his meanwhile numb limbs. "Yes?" "Thank you.." Smiling he shook his head. "You deserve to be helped for a change."
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Papermonster: Well.. angst with a rush. Hope you could follow what she was telling Ryan, but it was supposed to be a little.. uhm, confusing since she's probably in a state where nobody would be able to think and talk properly. Maybe it was all a little too much and too suddenly, but first I felt like I had to move on a little more and second.. didn't I say something about "surprises" at the end of the last chap? R+R (a little more this time, please) and maybe I'll find some more surprises, beside the question how "Mrs. Waspy McWasp" will deal with the drama. Not to forget about Ryan who doesn't exactly have the best memories with young former-pregnant women.