Disclaimer: I don't own any O.C.-related - only the characters I may invent during the writing of the story - they're all FOX's property.. thanxx 2U, guys
Autor's note: Sorry for the long delay! How do you say: Real life intervened (brutally). Anyway, to "ease my troubled mind" here's another two-in-a-row-posting, hope you enjoy it. Thanks AGAIN to Leentje (I'll try to keep it faster, promised) and also to Shadysgurl (welcome to the show, hope you'll stick with me). And on we go..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Only a couple of minutes later Cat stepped out of the bathroom, a towel still wrapped around her head. Ryan watched her descend the four stairs and walk to the bed barefoot.
"Feelin' better?" he asked after she'd sat down and brought her a cup of tea. "Thanks." She blew over the hot liquid, contemplating for a moment. "Actually, yes. Better. Uhm..", she motioned to the bathroom, "Mrs. Cohen told me to leave my clothes in there for the maid, but.. I'd rather wash them by myself, no offense." Settled back down on the couch, Ryan nodded, smiling. "I know. It's pretty weird. We'll take care of that tomorrow." "You were right. Mrs. Cohen. She's really..", she shook her head, searched for the appropriate words. "Yeah. She's adorable", he finished for her. "We didn't have the best start but now she's like.." "A mother?" Cat ended his sentence this time.
"Kind of. Yes. I mean, she behaves like one." "And she said she WAS you mom. Ya know, when she came to me. Is she? By now?" Ryan pondered over her question. "I.. am not sure. You might say she took the job.. and she IS like a mother, but.. ya know, I HAVE a mother. ..She's just not here. ..She left." At her questioning look he added: "She's always had trouble with taking responsibilities. Even for herself. She didn't wanna spoil my chance with this family after they'd let me in. ..So she.. left", he ended, letting out his breath. Every now and then he realized that he still hadn't come to terms with that fact, as illogical as it was since he now had all he could possibly wish for.
He looked back over to her. She hugged her legs under the sheet and still gave him this peculiar look. That opened and questioning, yet not demanding look that said: Go on if you want to. It's safe.
Still he didn't want to talk. He'd left this behind. He wouldn't let bad memories destroy what seemed like a miracle to him. And showing the Cohens that everything they gave him, all the love and support and trust could still be tainted by what had been before just felt ungrateful and so.. wrong. Moreover he'd rather show Cassandra that it was possible to overcome the past.
He suddenly choked, startled when he realized that he'd spoken out loud these thoughts. Eyes wide with surprise and alertness he stared at her but to his further surprise and relief she didn't say anything. No comments, no questions. As if she wanted to help him believe that he didn't just reveal this to her.
Confused he cleared his throat. "Uhm.. I guess you've one or two family-issues yourself, huh?" he tried to distract.
"No."
Ryan gave her a suspicious look but she appeared to be serious. So he leaned back and waited for her to go ahead..
She smiled and nodded. "Sorry to surprise you. I've had the most loving and caring parents. Just like your new ones seem to be. Only not that wealthy. Far from that. But they made sure my brother and I always went to school and didn't get into trouble. They were always there for us although they both had jobs and often worked overtime." "But didn't you say.. they're dead?" She shook her head no. "I only said my brother's dead. But yes. They are, too." She hesitated. "My.. mother, uhm.. she was pregnant with my baby-sister.The baby came too early and survived only a couple of days. There'd been complications. I don't remember exactly, I was like.. eight. Well, my mama was very weak after that. She died two or three weeks later. Papa.. he tried to be strong but he never really recovered from having lost her. They'd just loved each other so much. Yeah.. and about one and a half years later he died, too. It was an accident at work but.. I think he just didn't really care anymore. He was a completely different person then. Like something in him had died along with her. He didn't pay attention anymore." She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders.
"Then, Patrick and I were taken over by child-service. I mean there'd still been our mother's uncle, but he was too old and too sick by that time. Since we wanted to stay together it wasn't that easy for them to find us a foster-family or even a couple that would adopt us or something. And I must admit we were, like.. horrible. We didn't WANT new 'rents. Our parents weren't just.. replaceable like that. Yeah, we were a pain in the ass", she laughed shortly. "As soon as Paddy got legal he claimed guardianship for me. He had a job and an apartment, and except for uncle Georgio he was my only blood-relative, so it worked. Six months later we moved to California. Child-service was okay with it since Paddy could prove he got a job there and I was accepted at a local school." Meanwhile she'd emptied her cup and put it on the small table beside the bed. Rubbing the bridge of her nose she suppressed a yawn. Ryan could tell she was tired and wanted her to get some sleep but at the same time he'd become too curious to not hear the rest of the story – must've rubbed off from Seth, he thought to himself.
She shivered, pulled the blanket tighter around herself and carried on.
"Well, everything went down great. Or at least not too bad. Then.. Paddy made friends with Gavin. First this seemed to be a good thing. He was like.. like the cool, tough older brother Paddy needed at that time. He helped us, sometimes brought us some food. When the cash was just enough to pay the rent. And he helped us out when it wasn't even enough for that. I just wondered sometimes how he got.. quite a lot of money but didn't seem to really work himself. He always had a bunch of chicks with him who wore skirts that were more like belts. I was young, ya know.. After some time he had Paddy do some jobs for him. Nothing that involved stealing or dealin' drugs or somethin' like that, I'm sure. Paddy still had too much respect for our parents. He took some jobs as a bouncer or worked on cars that had to be taken apart. ..Wonder for what reason", she snorted. "Every once in a while Gavin asked us to let one of his "colleagues" stay over night, all stuff like that. Yeah.." she sighed, "and one day Paddy took a job.. and didn't come back." After a short pause she explained: "Okay, he'd stay out for one or two nights but he'd never abandon me any longer voluntarily. After a week, Gavin showed up and tol' me he'd now take care of me. Paddy'd sometimes joked that one day, when I was legal, he'd marry me to Gavin so they'd become brothers-in-law, but THIS?" She laughed dryly.
"And you still don't know what happened?" Ryan asked disbelievingly. "I know he's dead. Otherwise he'd be with me. That's all I know and all that matters." She shrugged and cleared her throat. "Yeah, uhm.. and Gavin DID take care of me. Sent me to school, made sure I had to eat, moved me in with him. But I guess after some months he got tired of it. Must've been this twist between taking care of someone you don't really care about, 'cause ya only care for yourself, and this sick logic that made him act like I was his sister of even his fiancée. At least HIS. Whatever that meant.
The older I got the more I tried to depend on myself. Went to school, then to work in the evening, sometimes at night. Yes, I DID have normal jobs", she exclaimed when she caught his gaze,"I still do. Surprised, huh?" He simply shook his head, taken aback by her sudden flash of angry sarcasm. "Sorry", she muttered, causing him to shake his head again. "Well.. long story short, Gavin lost it at some point. Didn't wanna let me go but didn't wanna support me any longer either. Guess the bizz was running low at that time. He said I'd have to contribute to the rent and everything. Working didn't do so he figured out something else. He'd.. invite "friends", colleagues and clients or what else he called'em. Ad more and more often I'd woken up the next day with a hangover, a blackout and sore in all the wrong places. He.. I.. for a while I refused to drink or eat something at "home", I even tried to get away, but like I told ya: He knows everybody. Every time he brought me back it got worse, so after some time I.. kinda.. capitulated. Still didn't eat or drink what he gave me, so he.. found another way. He.. he always found a way.. I don't know, he.." she lost her voice as if suddenly even the strength to speak had lost her. The only thing she managed was a short, shy glance to him, as he shook his head again and whispered: "It's not your fault. You're not responsible."
Again, this short, dry laugh that startled him. "But it feels like it. You know that."
Ryan's eyes widened involuntarily at this new statement that showed him how much she seemed to be able to read him. And again she gave no sign of having noticed the blow she'd landed on him.
Silently, she carried on, in a rush, as if she wanted to get over with it.
"He didn't force himself on me until I was fifteen. He didn't wanna seem like a pedophile.. like all of his "clients". Huh!
At least, I got stronger. Not strong enough, of course. He's a heavy, bully guy, he'd nearly torn me apart several times, but that wasn't good for the bizz either. Black and blue doesn't sell. That was the only worth I had left for him. It's really sick, ya know, he'd broken the toy and after that it was only good enough to kick it around when he felt like it and give it to others to play with it. But it was nothing to be proud of anymore, to be careful with. Intentions change. And good ones even faster.
But now, that's over. I'm no longer his toy." She straightened up a little and slightly stuck out her chin. "I'm clean for almost a year now. I got my mind back." That sounded almost proud, but it was the words that stirred Ryan. Furrowing his brows he asked: "Clean?" "What? Oh. Hey, what do you think? He had a kid that wouldn't open it's mouth to take something to be calm and refused to sniff some stuff. He found his solution as he always did. He welcomed the blackouts, at least when I was very young. That way I wouldn't drop a word in front of a teacher or whoever. It's all been a.. blurr.." "So.. you let him dope you." She laughed again. "You mean I LET him? YOU go and try to avoid a needle by fighting! But I got away from it. And from him, at least mostly. Besides, he's got enough chicks that are more easy to go with. And since I grew up he lost my.. kinda "target group". I don't match the girls he pimps, ya know, blonde, long legs, big boobs, ..as a grown up I'm not worth all the effort. Thank God!"
She piled up the cushions behind her back and carefully leaned against them. "Any more questions?"
Ryan blinked several times like he used to whenever he was confused, angry or struggling for words, then again shook his head slowly. "Not for now. You?" Giving him a wry smile she said: "Loads. But that's gotta wait. I'm way too tired." "Sure. Sorry. Well.. good night." "Night.."
He watched her curl up in a ball, clutching the blanket tightly around herself, then he also rolled up – only to sit straight up an instant later, akin to her, startled by a sudden loud thud, followed by a shrill shriek coming from the driveway. "What the hell was that?" Cat gasped. A wide grin spread across Ryan's face. "Just Seth, tryin' to be stealth. Successful as always", he yawned and looked at the clock. "Quarter to five.. hm, somebody's in trouble tomorrow, I guess."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Papermonster: Surprised about Cat's parents? I felt like I had to establish some kind of a difference between her and Ryan, or else she'd been a "female-him". Too easy. In addition I intended to display that there can be a different motive for trust-issues and the inability to open up to someone: While this is based on the previous lack of love and comfort in Ryan's case, Cat experienced how these feelings can be taken from you. Ryan never really learnt to trust while she had to kind of "unlearn" it (hope you get what I mean). However she still remembers how to give comfort AND understands how an untrusting person feels - how else could these two have bonded so quickly? R+R and give me your comments. ..Pleeeze?