"What are we going to do tonight, Suzuki?"
"The same thing we do every night, Fukuda, try to take over the world."
Suzuki and Fukuda were going to conquer the world through the power of math.
Specifically budgeting. More specifically undoing the budgeting hell that Shigeko had wrought upon them. Even more specifically seeing how Claw could possibly come out of this fiscal quarter, and end the year, still in the black. There were a lot of expenditures that year from bases being built to the across the board raises and unlimited dessert bars that Shigeko had approved. Also ever HQ and Division was getting an indoor theatre so the Awakened could have proper movie nights...
Maybe putting an eleven year old in charge of the budget wasn't the best idea.
But Fukuda wasn't going to complain. This gave him an excuse to be near Suzuki. An excuse for the two of them to spend their Halloween together pouring over budget reports, moving money around, and generally enjoying each other's company…as much as they could enjoy each other's company. Fukuda…he could take Suzuki in small doses…doses which seemed to be becoming smaller by the year…but still. This was better than going to whatever party Shigeko had thrown for Shimazaki. Some kind of Halloween, Beatles, dog petting, and massive amounts of semi solid junk food and candy, party. Yes, sitting here with Suzuki was better than going to whatever the hell that party was going to become.
So what if he had been uninvited.
Well she had told him that he might have been happier keeping Suzuki company…so message received he supposed. He didn't want to go anyway…well he did….but mostly just to watch over Sho. Sho needed some to actually watch over him and not let him completely lose his mind…which he would. He'd probably come home with a stomach ache and the mother of all sugar rushes…and nothing more. He didn't get into the things that Shigeko got into, he could trust Sho about that, but still…he did want to be there to watch over him.
But he wasn't the only person named Suzuki who needed watching over.
"I think that we might need to divert from the space elevator fund." Said Fukuda tapping his pen against the notebook he had been crunching numbers in. Suzuki did it by hand so he was going to do it by hand. Also it was just easier to write things down on paper instead of going through the whole program….he was getting old. Sho would have pointed that out if he'd been here…but Sho wasn't here. It was just him and Suzuki sitting on his living room floor surrounded by papers with two open laptops glaring at them. Well at him. Suzuki was in his element….
Or at least he should have been.
The man had gotten a graduate degree in applied mathematics for fun. When he'd been a kid he and his dad would go over the fiscal reports from his company also for fun. Hell, back in middle school he'd always volunteer to go up to the board and solve problems. He should have been over moon right now…but he wasn't. He, well his aura, was oddly…withdrawn. Maybe it had something to do with the lightshow he and Shigeko had put on earlier….and God help them if they started fighting….teenagers fought with their parents all the time….and Shigeko was only….well she was getting older….
Teenage Shigeko was coming…may God have mercy on them all…..
"Again with this…" muttered Suzuki a she erased a column of numbers that he had been trying to add. He just…he needed to focus. Shigeko had said…well it had all been hypotheticals and…and he just…he was fine. She was at her little party and when she was done there she would come home like normal and then their family would be normal and…and she would never threaten ham like that again…no….she hadn't been threatening him…
She had been speaking in hypotheticals.
He had no idea why she had been speaking in hypotheticals like that. Of course he would punish Son…well be angry with Son…if he were a homosexual. Those types of things couldn't be changed. Everyone occasionally thought about the same sex in that way, that was normal, but homosexual people couldn't turn that part of themselves off and that was why they were homosexuals. Just like mother and father had told him when he had been young and they had caught him and Fukuda in one of those times that they had agreed to never speak of again Some people could only feel that way about one sex, the same sex, and there was nothing that they could do about that. Just like he couldn't help having red hair and blue eyes and powers. Some people couldn't help it, like Hatori, and Son….well he was not one of those people.
Sho was his son. If he wasn't a homosexual then his son was not a homosexual and therefore he'd get some grandchildren out of him.
So he had nothing to worry about…but Shigeko…he didn't understand her. He couldn't understand her and he couldn't understand women but he did understand that the entire thing was over now…and he had to work. He had to put it all out of his mind and he had to figure out how they were going to figure out how to end this year in the black. Always end the year in the black, his father said, or you were a pitiful leader and you deserved to walk out into the snow and die….and there was no snow outside but…well he wasn't going to finish out this year in the red. He hadn't finished a single year in anything other than the blackest of the deepest black since he'd been getting Claw off the ground….and he had to keep things that way….
And he had to just…put this all out of his mind.
"Well I mean it's pretty much just a slush fund until you take over the world. I mean people are going to ask questions if you just all of a sudden have the funds and manpower to start building space elevators." Said Fukuda with a shrug. He watched Suzuki. He was sitting crossed legged on the floor…and he had been working on the floor when Fukuda had come in. The TV was off and his aura was guarded…something was wrong. Not the sort of wrong where someone was going to die soon but just…more emotionally wrong…and he had no idea what…but he was going to find out.
For the good of everyone in the world.
"You're right….you're always right." Said Suzuki. Fukuda was always right about these things…and maybe he should have left the whole thing to him. Maybe he should have just gone to bed…but no. He couldn't go to bed. If he went to bed then he would miss Shigeko coming home…and she was coming home. He knew that she was coming home. She had promised him that she would never leave him. She had promised him that she would never betray him….but then she had threatened him…over a hypothetical situation and…and he had no idea what he was even supposed to do now…if she had been anyone else he would have thrown her in a traitor hole or something but she wasn't anyone. She was his Daughter. She was his Shigeko. She was….
She was so much to him….so very much….and he could not afford to lose her.
"Penny for your thoughts?" asked Fukuda. Well that had been a concerned whirlpool of an aural flare….and that never preceded anything good. Maybe he had slept with someone else…no…he didn't want to think about that. Suzuki…he had weird ideas about fidelity…well he had been cheating on Masami but she was free of him now…but still. He didn't want to have to pull Suzuki out of the rut he got himself into when it came to a woman…but it would have made sense…and then Shigeko found out…or maybe she had found out about Shiori….or God forbid Pang Su-jin….
Or maybe it had been something that was a hell of a lot easier for him to deal with.
"My thoughts are worth more than a penny." Said Suzuki with a wave of his hand. His thoughts were so numerous that they were at least worth a whole pound…or dollar….or whatever foreign currency thoughts were going for these days.
"Ok, a yen then." Said Fukuda
"You're going in the wrong direction. A single yen, last I checked, was worth-" said Suzuki
"I was trying to be funny." Said Fukuda
"Stick to what you know." Said Suzuki
"Right…well I know you so I guess that I'll stick to you then." Said Fukuda. He nudged Suzuki and he just got a stare in return. Not a murderous one, no, just a thoughtful one.
"We aren't going to try and superglue ourselves together again. We're grown men, we can't do idiotic things like that anymore…and also changing clothes was very difficult." Said Suzuki. He had no idea who had the idea, when they'd found that bottle of superglue, or how they had even come to the agreement that it was a good idea but that day had ended with them trying and failing to hide that they had glued themselves together and mother figuring it out and dissolving the glue with nail polish remover….and if he had known that glue could be dissolved in that way then he would have done it himself before he tried to change into pajamas while being glued to Fukuda.
"Among other things…" said Fukuda shaking his head. Suzuki was covered in freckles and moles and Fukuda did not want to think about how he knew that.
"What?" asked Suzuki
"Nothing. I was just wondering what was wrong…and before you say anything I know you. I know that something's wrong and I know that when you get like this then it's usually something that I can help with so come on." Said Fukuda
"I'm fine." Said Suzuki even though he was not fine…but maybe if he said that he was fine enough times then he would be fine…or something. He didn't know. It was worth a try. Maybe this time it would work.
"Then what was the lightshow you and Shigeko put on earlier?" asked Fukuda. Sometimes it was best to just cut right to the chase when it came to Suzuki. He didn't want to spend all of Halloween night prying whatever had happened out of him. Maybe Shigeko had unearthed one of the many skeletons in his closet. Maybe he had just decided that he was done treating an eleven year old girl like a twenty one year old woman. Hell, maybe she had just been in a bad, hormonal, sort of mood and had taken it out on her father for some reason. The possibilities were endless when it came to that girl.
"That…is none of your business." Said Suzuki. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to tell Fukuda how badly he had messed up…if he even had messed up. He had no idea what had even happened. He had just wanted to give Shigeko her gift and then the whole thing just spiraled from there…and he hated it when things spiraled like that…and he hated it when he felt like this…but most of all he hated it when Fukuda pried into his affairs like this. He'd always had a habit of overstepping his bounds even when they had been children.
"If it affects Claw then it is my business and right now whatever happened is affecting your ability to make sound fiscal decisions as our leader and President so, please, just talk to me. Maybe I can fix it." Said Fukuda correcting course quick. If he couldn't come at this as a friend then he would come at this as a concerned member of the non-voting public.
"….fine. I…got into an…I don't even know what….with Shigeko." said Suzuki
"So a fight then?" asked Fukuda. This was the part of the conversation where he mirror back everything Suzuki said. Sometimes that was all that he wanted, a mirror, so he could get himself sorted out. Well Fukuda could be that mirror. He'd been doing it for the past thirty years after all.
"No, no…well I did lose my temper and I raised by voice….but she was the one being ridiculous." Said Suzuki
"Little girls can be ridiculous sometimes." Said Fukuda
"Women are….I don't understand women. I'm married to a woman and I don't understand women." Said Suzuki
"Well neither do I so-" said Fukuda
"You've never been married and you have no Daughters. I am married and I have a Daughter and Shigeko…I don't understand her. I feel like…like maybe I haven't understood her for a while now." Said Suzuki
"Well she is getting older." Said Fukuda
"I know….I know that she is. It's as though…it's as though I brought her home from the orphan prison yesterday. Sometimes I look at her and I think that I could pick her up but I know that I can't." said Suzuki
"She's eleven now." Said Fukuda
"Yes, I know what age she is. It's like one day she just…turned into this person. This person who is completely foreign to the person that she once was. She just…she started wearing makeup and drinking liquor and smoking cigarettes and I don't even want to say what else and…and she just….she's older now. I know that she's older now and it's like the older she gets. The closer to being a woman that she becomes, the less I understand about her." said Suzuki
"Well that's just what happens when they grow up. I bet our parents felt the same way about us." Said Fukuda. That may have been the one step too far, mentioning their late parents, but it had just come out. Suzuki was finally talking like an actual father for once and Fukuda…well he hadn't been able to stop himself.
"…I have no idea how they felt. I've outlived both my mother and my father." Said Suzuki. Had they felt the same way about him? He hadn't drank or smoked or worn makeup, well he was male so the last one didn't even apply, but they had…they had said, before, when they had been alive that he had become a stranger to him…and then they had asked him what his plans were after he graduated high school….what his plans for after Tokyo University were they had meant…and he had told them the truth. He had told them that he was going to rule the world…and then his father had said…and his mother had said…and then neither of them had ever said anything ever again….
"Yeah, me too. Anyway back to Shigeko. So something set you and her off? What was it? You know it might just have been her being hormonal. She's at that age, you know." Said Fukuda getting the hell away from that subject. They did not need to talk about that…about that day. Suzuki was in some ways lucky, his had gone at once, and it hadn't been a drawn out affair…though he had been a lot younger…but he had also been a lot more resilient than Fukuda. He hadn't shed a single tear even when what was left of their bodies had been cremated….though that might have had something to do with the fat that Suzuki had been the one responsible for their deaths in the first place….
And Fukuda did not want to think about this anymore….even though it was Halloween night, the time ghosts and death, the whole subject was just too….macabre….
"No, it wasn't that. Son was just wearing a dress again. He had been planning to wear it to the party. I wanted him not to. Shigeko and I fought. I have no idea why. Son is a boy, not a girl, and he has no reason to wear dresses." Said Suzuki
"Well it is a costume party…and about a million other things…but maybe he was just wearing that dress to be funny. Like a gag costume or something…or maybe Shigeko just made him wear it again." said Fukuda. He knew why Sho wore that dress, for Shigeko, and he knew that Shigeko knew how Suzuki felt about all of that….so why force Sho into a dress? To lower his value in Suzuki's eyes? Well it couldn't possibly get any lower than it was now….so why would she…it was becoming more and more difficult to understand her as the years went by. Suzuki was right.
"No, he wasn't wearing it for comedic affect. He had been wearing it because he had wanted to…so Shigeko hadn't forced it onto him either…and he had fought me initially when I told him to go and change…so he wanted to wear that dress. My son wants to wear dresses." Said Suzuki. He let his aura flare there. He couldn't help it. This was just beyond the scope of anything that he had ever had to worry about. His son wore dresses. His son was a little boy who wore dresses. What would people say? What would his little girlfriend say? Suzuki wanted grandchildren and he knew a girl repellent when he saw one! Women liked androgynous men, if the men in Shigeko's music videos were anything to go off of, they did not want men in dresses! Also just….his son wore dresses!
"So? You've never worn a yukata before? Not once in your life? Because I clearly remember you at the summer festival back when we were-" asked Fukuda. Damage control. Make Suzuki think that he was being ridiculous like normal. Make the whole thing seem like something that he had blown out of proportion…and then talk to Sho about what was and was not appropriate and about how he could say no to his sister whenever she made him do something that he was not comfortable with…like that.
"When I was small, yes, but then when I was fifteen father forbade it after that time mother walked in on us doing that thing we agreed to never speak of again because he was worried that I was a homosexual. I'm not. I just felt like-" said Suzuki. He wasn't a homosexual. To this day he had no idea, fully, why he had done what he had done but he knew that he was not a homosexual. If he were then he would have had sexual thoughts about other men, and he didn't, and when he did he didn't mean it, and also he liked women, so therefore he was nothing other than perfectly heterosexual.
"Winning that staring contest! And you did…and anyway I'm sure that there's nothing wrong with Sho. I mean he's got that little girlfriend of his and I know that he's very excited about our trip to London. He's been getting her all kinds of presents for Christmas and he's been drawing her all kinds of pictures…so, yeah, maybe Sho just…wanted to wear a dress. The rules are a lot more lax these days, you know, about things like that." Said Fukuda. Nope. They were not talking about that. That had been the worst day of his life up to that point. One minute they were listening to one of Suzuki's weird, two song only, mix tapes and the next they were having a staring contest and then Suzuki had decided to win in the most dirty and underhanded way possible because it would have caused him deep psychological torment to admit that Fukuda didn't actually need to blink and that Suzuki was not the king of the long, unbroken stare.
"I know…and now there are no rules and nothing makes sense and my Son wants to wear dresses and my Daughter threatened to leave me….nothing makes sense." Said Suzuki
"Wait…what? Shigeko…she threatened you?" asked Fukuda rubbing his eyes. That was…she threatened…she hadn't. Suzuki…he must have been…misinterpreting things…or something. There was no way that Shigeko would do something like that. She loved Suzuki. She obeyed Suzuki. She was almost as powerful as Suzuki…and she answered only to him….and if she had stopped answering to him then….
Then God have mercy on them all.
"Yes." said Suzuki simply. That was what had happened…and when Fukuda said it…it lost it's resonance…and it had so much resonance. She had threatened him. She had threatened to defect from him. That was not something to be taken lightly. She had threatened to leave and...and nobody ever left and…and he would not deal with her he way he dealt with others and…and this whole thing was…it was too much…
But Fukuda saying it out loud…taking that resonance away….that was something…something that helped….just a bit.
"Suzuki Shigeko? Your pride and joy? She threatened to…to leave you? To defect from Claw?" asked Fukuda. This was…he wondered if he was finally losing his mind. This was…she couldn't defect. If she defected she took the four strongest now five strongest, espers in Claw with her…and a big chunk of the Awakened…and then…and she would have at least a thousand maybe….and that thousand what do whatever she asked them to….
"Yes, are you deaf? She threatened to leave me. She told me that if, in some hypothetical scenario, Son came to me and told me that he was a homosexual that I was not to get upset with him and I was to accept him for who he was…and also I'm forbidden from ever raising a hand to him…and she said that if I didn't agree to those terms for the hypothetical scenario she presented then she said that she would leave me." Said Suzuki. Saying it out loud…when he said it then it gained more resonance…and when Fukuda said it then it lost some resonance…and he wanted…he had no idea what he wanted. He wanted it to never have happened and he also wanted Fukuda to make it better somehow…that was his job after all…to make things better…to put him back together…and he had been doing that job for almost as long as Suzuki could remember…..
"…what in the…sorry. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Shigeko…she threatened to defect…in some hypothetical scenario where you rejected Sho if he came out to you…not saying that it's even a possibility! It's not…but she said that if she did then….she would defect and leave Sho with you? That doesn't make any sense." Said Fukuda
"No, she said that she would take him from me. She told me that she would take her brother with her when she left…and that I would never see them again…and I would be alone…and I'm a full and complete person all on my own, I know that I am, but I just…I don't…this cannot leave this room but…I don't think that I can handle it again. Having the person I love most in the world leave me….I almost lot my mind…and maybe I did and I never got it back but…well she warned me at least and…" said Suzuki. She had warned him and that was a hell of a lot more than Masami had done. He to this day had no idea what he had done to make her leave but Shigeko…she had told him….and even though it was a hypothetical scenario….
"…it's a hypnotical scenario. It's nothing like what happened with Masa-with your wife. It's…nothing like that at all….." Said Fukuda. No. Shigeko…she was not that good at manipulation. She had gotten Sho on her side and she had actually managed to exploit one of her father's weakness…and she had reduced him to…this…and now she was out partying all night with her friends and…and she was celebrating. She wasn't celebrating Halloween or Shimazaki's birthday or the collected works of the Beatles or pudding based snacks or imported Halloween candy for America or dogs with curly tails…she was celebrating her victory….her victory over her father….
Claw was hers.
She had taken Claw. At the age of eleven Suzuki Shigeko, otherwise known as 'Mob' to her closest allies, had taken Claw right out from under her father. She hadn't done it by force. No fighting, no armies, no bombs, just…manipulation. She had manipulated the whole of Claw right out from under her father. She knew how to control him, how to exploit him, and now everything was hers….Claw was hers….
The world was hers.
"No, it is. She threatened to leave me…well I suppose that it's different because she also threatened to take my Son from me…but it's also….not the same. You're right." Said Suzuki. It was better, in some ways, because…well hypothetical scenarios could become real ones so quickly and…and now he knew what would make her leave…and he just had to do the opposite of what would make her leave, to make her stay, and then she would stay forever. Fukuda was right, she wasn't at all like her mother, she was nothing like Masami.
She was better.
"Yeah…I'm…I'm right." Said Fukuda. He didn't want to be right. He wanted to be wrong. He wanted to be so wrong. Suzuki….he knew Suzuki. He knew that underneath it all Suzuki was pretty much that same kid he had met thirty years ago…but Shigeko…she had changed. She was…she was too smart and…and she had too much…she had actual social skills and….and she was the second coming of Suzuki. Not his actual son and daughter, no, she was…and now…he wished that he was wrong. He wished harder than he had ever wished before that he was just…wrong…about this whole thing….but he wasn't. He knew that he wasn't….and he knew what she was celebrating….and he knew that…
He needed a drink.
"You are. Here is was all…worried….but really this is not such a bad thing. She isn't going to leave me just so long as, in some crazy scenario, son is a homosexual I just have to say that I accept him and not raise a hand to him…or ever again...and I can do that. I knew that she didn't like it when I struck him and…well I didn't know that it would make her leave if it did…and in some ways I'm grateful that she told me that. Now I know what not to do. So you're right, she's nothing like Masami….she just left me one day…"said Suzuki
"Wait…so you're telling me that if Masami just…told you not to hit the kids…or she'd leave you…then you would have stopped?" asked Fukuda. That….that…he almost thought that Suzuki had been lying but…but he didn't lie…he didn't even know how to and…and that meant that…Masami had said that she had tried to talk to him but he wouldn't listen…well of course he wouldn't listen you had to speak in a way that got through to him and…and she didn't know how to…but he did and…and so did Shigeko…and if Masami had just given him an ultimatum then…then all of this could have been avoided. The kids…they could have been kids. They would have been in their beds asleep right now since tomorrow was a school day. They would have had age appropriate friends and done age appropriate things and…and everything would have been better if she had just…sat him down and threatened t leave him and…and he should have seen that it would work and…and he'd dropped the ball…no…he'd been too busy being in love with her and…
And he needed a drink so badly right now…worse than at any other point in his life…
"Yes." said Suzuki. It had lost so much resonance now that Fukuda had repeated it back to him. it had turned into flat fact…and he liked flat facts. He liked them a lot. He understood them a lot. Fukuda…he had a real knack for that, turning things into flat fact, and Suzuki…he would always be grateful to Tadashi for that….he would always be grateful to Tadashi for a lot of things.
"What?" asked Fukuda. He did his best to keep his aura and his voice level. He just…no. That was just…no. Suzuki had just…no. There was no way in…no. Masami said that she had TALKED to him. She had asked him to stay with her more and help her out with the kids and just…be nicer to Sho and….and she said that she had made herself perfectly clear but…well Suzuki…with him everything was always perfectly unclear and…and he had been such a…he could have just…he could have fixed their marriage. He could have sat Suzuki down and told him how Masami felt in words that he could understand and then….and then she still would have been around and….and she wouldn't have been his but she still would have been there for Sho…and Shigeko would have never gone down the path she was on now….and Suzuki's bastard daughter would never have been born…and just…so much could have been stopped and….
And he was getting dizzy….so dizzy….
"I don't like orders or ultimatums but if she had given me one then I would have listened. I like things that I can understand and…and I understand this…so in a way this was a good thing…so thank you, Tadashi, for helping me see it this way. You are truly a valued confidant and…well you're my best friend…so thank you." Said Suzuki. He put his hand on Fukuda's shoulder. He wanted to touch him. He so rarely wanted to touch people but he wanted to touch him. If he'd been a woman, if one of them had been a woman, then he would have kissed Tadashi. He would have held him and kissed him and taken him, or been taken by him if he had been the woman, because Tadashi made him feel….everything. In that moment he felt everything. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders…he felt like he was going to be alright….he felt like everything was going to be alright…
And it felt so….good…
"….Touichirou….please tell me that there's something to drink in this house that's stronger than strawberry milk." Said Fukuda. He felt like shit. He felt like he was going to throw up. The room was spinning….and he needed to make it spin more. He knew that it was hard for him to get drunk…but he was going to try. Even if he had to drink perfume, or cooking wine, or even knock over a liquor store he was going to get drunk and he was going to do it now.
"You mean alcohol…I don't drink and you know that but I think that my Daughter has some stashed away in her room….please drink it all I don't want her to have it…and please smoke all of her marijuana too while you're at it." Said Suzuki. There he went again. For every problem in his life Fukuda was there to help solve it. He didn't want Shigeko to have these things and now Fukuda was offering to get rid of them for him, leaving him guiltless and Fukuda the thief, he was so…intelligent…that way. He sometimes forgot how intelligent Tadashi was…he sometimes forgot a lot of things about Tadashi….like how soft his skin was…
Or how it felt when he abruptly got up.
"Can do, boss, can do." Said Fukuda as he got up off the floor. Yeah….he needed a fucking drink. He could get drunk if he drank enough…and he knew that Shigeko must have had more than enough squirreled away somewhere…but where? He was stealing from her…going to steal from her…the most powerful being in the world…his future lord and master…and he was going to raid her stash and steal her liquor….
Small victories.
He was going to get drunker than he'd ever been and higher than he'd ever been before in his entire life. He knew that doing this would solve nothing. If anything Shigeko would just be pissed at him for stealing from her…but for now it would be a small victory…because those were all that he had anymore. He had failed the kids, he had failed Masami, he had lost the love of his life, and now his best friend was thanking him for it…and he just…he was going to take his victories where he could find them….
And where he could find them were in Shigeko's room.
She was predictable, really, or just uncreative. Between her mattress. She had everything between her mattress and her box spring. Amateur. When he'd been her age he'd hidden his stash of contraband in a hoe that he'd carved in his wall and put a poster over. She just put it there between her mattress…her little bottles of liquor….and a baggie full of joints and a lighter…and the only security was a handwritten note that said 'please don't steal from me' in Japanese and also, what he presumed, was braille. He ignored the note. He crumpled it up and threw it across the room. He took the liquor and the joints, he left the green stuff since he had no idea how to turn that into something that he could smoke, and also he left her Tales of Passionate Love mangas alone too…since he knew better than to read between the mattress manga….
That wouldn't have been a small victory, that would have been a small trauma.
He didn't need to know about that part of her life. He barely liked knowing about this part of her life. The part where he stole most of her stash and smoked it and drank it all in her living room. He didn't even like this part but…well for the time being Suzuki was still in charge and this was a direct order so he had might as well do what his best friend said and see how fats his brain cells took to regenerate…if he even wanted them to regenerate…
Though maybe, based on the scene in front of him, he might have given himself some kind of brain damage or a mild stroke already.
"What's going on with all of this?" asked Fukuda as he sat down beside Suzuki. He was sitting up on the couch, now, and he had stripped down to just his slacks and white t-shirt. He was sitting there and…and all of their work had been put away…which was not like him at all. He loved the number crunching part of work….and Fukuda hoped to God that he wasn't having another one of his crises….
Because he was at his limit for tonight.
"I thought that since you're going to get intoxicated we should get back to work another time." Said Suzuki. He made some room on the sofa for Fukuda. This was…he wanted to spend time with him…because of his rare good mood. He was in genuinely good spirits, now, and also…well he was feeling sort of nostalgic. This was Halloween after all and on Halloween they had always watched a scary movie. It was one of their long neglected traditions…they'd had so many when they'd been younger…but then they had gotten older…but now…well he was in a good mood now and he wanted to be near Fukuda…and he was the President of Claw, anyway, so he could do whatever he wanted and this was what he wanted to do.
So this was what they were going to do.
"Right…and that's why we're watching Ratatouille?" asked Fukuda as he sat down beside Suzuki. He opened up a sealed bottle of plum wine…one of the tiny ones they had on the planes, and downed it. Suzuki watched him in fascination. He wondered how long he could hold his attention for…so he downed another…and another…and another in quick succession like they were back at university or something…
And Suzuki never stopped staring at him.
"That never ceases to be impressive…and also we're watching Ratatouille because it's the most disturbing thing that has ever been put to film." Said Suzuki
"Seriously? Ratatouille?" asked Fukuda
"Yes. This film is the most disturbing piece of cinema ever conceived." Said Suzuki
"I thought that was that Borrowers movie." Said Fukuda. That had been hilarious. His mom had gotten him the borrowers on laserdisc and Suzuki had watched it while hiding under a blanket and covering his eyes. He was afraid of rodents….God. Somethings never changed, did they?
"This surpasses it…so it's perfect for this day." Said Suzuki. Son loved movies where people were dismembered, eaten, liquefied, etcetera….but this was the most disturbing thing that he had ever seen his son watch. Even worse than that Korean film where the man was tricked into sleeping with his own Daughter.
"Yup….Halloween….a day to get completely wasted with your best friend and watch kids movies…bring it on." Said Fukuda. He settled in to one of Sho's favorite movies. It was so weird watching this without him providing commentary and profanity….even before he had started cursing he'd loved this movie…he'd loved it enough to run those rats through a maze….Fukuda must have still had those pictures somewhere….those pictures form when the kids had still been kids and he had still been trying his best to keep his promise to Masami. A promise that he had made to the love of his life, to the woman who should have been his wife, to the-
He decided to mix alcohol and marijuana to see what would happen.
Maybe he would forget. That was a side effect of this, wasn't it? Memory loss? Well he needed some of that memory loss. He needed all of that memory loss. He had to figure out how to just…forget what had happened. Forget the promise he'd made to Masami…the one that he'd broken. The way it had all played out…and the chance that he had missed. The chance that he would not have taken….he would have. If he'd had the chance to mend whatever there had been between Suzuki and Masami…and then….and then if he'd had the chance then he would have done it. For the kids. To give them the life that they deserved.
He would have.
He would have and…and if he had known then…if he had known that Masami could have…he didn't know. He didn't want to think about this. He didn't want to think about anything….which was why he as doing this….which was why he was drinking and smoking…and now…and now he just…maybe that wasn't how this worked. Shigeko did this all the time and she was ten times the little Machiavelli that her father had always wanted to be. Maybe this wasn't going to work. Maybe he just needed to do…something else….
Not that he sure how he was going to do that.
The moment was…the moment was slippery…and hazy. He could feel…his powers were at war with his will. His body was trying not to be poisoned. He was trying to think, to heal, to figure out what to do about this. To create some sort of equilibrium. To get out of himself and into the moment. But he wouldn't let that happen. He wouldn't let his powers control him…he would control them…and he was going to just…stay in this place…this hazy sort of place….
This place where the couch was much too scratchy, the TV too bright, and Suzuki sitting much too close.
"Rats are terrible creatures, don't you think?" asked Suzuki. He hated this part, when the man let the rat ride on his head. The way the rat could just…control him. Suzuki had no idea who could have pulled something so horrifying from their own imagination…and when he took over the world he was going to find this person and put him in charge of punishing traitors.
"They aren't so bad….if you're not afraid of them." Said Fukuda with a laugh. He ashed on the floor, he knew that he shouldn't have but he didn't care, and if Suzuki cared he would have said something about it. He didn't, he just scooted a little bit closer….
Still way too close.
He was close enough, and resting his head low enough, that Fukuda could have touched his hair. He hadn't done that in years, after he'd sated his curiosity, as to what red hair felt like .Spiky. It stood up on its own like Sho's did…only Suzuki had cut to down short so it was more manageable…anything to differentiate himself from Sho it seemed.
"I'm not." Said Suzuki. He did not fear rats. They were simply disgusting, disease carrying, creatures that should have been eradicated years ago.
"You are. I remember when our fort got infested. You jumped up onto a folding chair and shrieked like a girl." Said Fukuda with a laugh. He almost dropped the joint that he had been smoking. That would have been a real tragedy. Him and Suzuki burning to death….no. He would have lived and he would have saved Suzuki, too, because he was as loyal as he was stupid…which was pretty damn loyal and pretty damn stupid.
"I have no recollection of that incident…and if I did sound like a girl it was only because my voice hadn't broken yet…if that even happened." Said Suzuki. He knew that he had done just that. A mouse had run over his foot so he'd screamed and jumped up onto a chair. He knew that it had happened…and he knew that he and Fukuda had agreed to never speak of that again…but Fukuda was very intoxicated, Suzuki could smell the…everything….on him, so he would let this one pass.
"It did…but I'm not surprised that you have no recollection of it. You never recall the stuff that you want to forget…" said Fukuda. He never remembered the things that made him challenge himself. The parts of himself that he had hated. The parts of himself that he saw in Sho. All of them. God, Suzuki got so close sometimes….and he hadn't been this close in years….and Fukuda did not miss this at all. This was just….no way….not happening again.
"What do you mean? I have an excellent memory." Said Suzuki
"You know…you do and you don't. If it's something like some obscure math fact or how many buttons were in your button jar back when you had one-" said Fukuda
"Six hundred and eighty two." Said Suzuki
"Exactly. You remember things when you want to remember them but when it comes to the things that you'd rather not acknowledge then you bury them. The things that scare you." Said Fukuda
"Nothing scares me." Said Suzuki
"Rodents." Said Fukuda with a laugh. There was a moment in which he thought, hoped, that Suzuki would kick him out…but he didn't.
"They…spread disease and it's normal to be weary of them…or do you want to catch the plague?" said Suzuki
"I'd live, we both know that I would….and I'd probably save you too….no matter I always end up saving you." Said Fukuda. That was just the story of his life, wasn't it? Saving this asshole from himself…and letting him get away with…well then that was his lot in life. It wasn't a lot but it was his life.
"And I am grateful to you for that." Said Suzuki. He leaned his head down lower onto the side of the couch. He didn't much want to watch this part. He wanted to lay his head down and…and not down but…maybe he should have chosen a less disturbing film. Maybe Tadashi was right, maybe he did have some sort of irrational fear of rodents….or maybe they were both right. He shouldn't have been afraid of rodents but he also should have because they carried the plague and he did not want to catch the plague so there.
"Yeah….I know you are….and you know what the most fucked up thing is? It makes me feel good to hear you say that….and that makes no sense. You're….you and I just…yeah. I like it when you say it…that you're grateful…since I do a lot for you…" said Fukuda
"You do." Said Suzuki. He liked that, that Fukuda realized how much he did. He didn't know why he enjoyed hearing that, just that he did, and he also didn't know why he wanted Fukuda to keep talking. He just…felt good right now….and maybe he just felt this good because he had been feeling so terrible before….or something and now he felt better….
"But you're still….you." said Fukuda motioning to Suzuki. No matter what happened Suzuki would always be…Suzuki. No matter what he did Suzuki would always be Suzuki. He had thought that he could change him, when they'd been younger, he'd wasted years trying to change him…and then more trying to manage him…and now look at where he had gotten himself.
"I am myself. Who else would I be?" asked Suzuki. He had no idea what he had said, well he did he spoke perfect Japanese, but he had no idea what had gotten Fukuda laughing like that.
"I don't even fucking know. Someone better, maybe? Or maybe someone worse. I don't even know." Said Fukuda
"Well you are severely intoxicated, that might be it." Said Suzuki. Fukuda…well he didn't usually get like this…but it as for the best. Better him than Shigeko…yes. Better him than Shigeko indeed.
"Yeah….I'm fucked enough to finally say what I want to say…and what I want to say is…I don't know. Stop being such a hypocrite, maybe. Don't get pissed off at Sho, who hasn't even done anything, when you're the one who kissed me over-" said Fukuda
"We agreed never to speak of that again. You're speaking of it, you're breaking our agreement." Said Suzuki
"Yeah, well, it just doesn't make any sense to get pissed off at Shi for wearing a dress when you've kissed me God only knows how many times." Said Fukuda. They had agreed never to speak of that again but….the hypocrisy of it! One time was just to figure things out…and the second time might have been a fluke…and the third time might have been because he had gotten dumped…but the fifth time? And the sixth time? And then all of those other times that he REALLY did not want to talk about? Yeah….no. Sho got it from Suzuki, these things were genetic, and instead of admitting the truth about himself to himself he just made Sho hate himself…and Sho didn't deserve that.
"…that meant nothing. None of that meant anything. You know that. Since neither of us is a homosexual then none of that meant anything. Son…well he isn't…but he worries me and he's still young…that's why I don't want him to do things like that…and anyway he should do as I say and not as I do…and he can't know what I've done…and it meant nothing anyway." Said Suzuki. No. They were not going to talk about that. Everyone was stupid when they were young. They had done some things that he was not proud of…so what? They had also stolen a shopping cart and ridden it down the side of a mountain but that didn't need to be brought up now did it? Or the time that they had almost gassed themselves trying to put a heater/stove in their fort. Or the time when they antagonized those bees. Or the time when they tried to see if they could build a giant slingshot capable of sending them over the house. Or the time when they went to Tokyo looking for loose women….or any women. Or the time when…well there had been a lot of times and…and Fukuda wouldn't have brought this up if he hadn't been doing this favor for him…and better him than Shigeko.
"You know something, you could take the gold for Japan in mental gymnastics." Said Fukuda with a shake of his head…maybe one that was just a bit too strong. He felt his head move in one direction and his brain move in another…and that was just…well….it was just plain unpleasant…but so was everything else about this night.
"Thank you." Said Suzuki. He didn't quite know what Fukuda meant but he did know how to receive a compliment.
"I mean it. You seriously believe all of that…I know you. You really think that none of that had any…just….I can't think right now." Said Fukuda
"That would be the marijuana and alcohol. Thank you again for consuming all of that, by the way, better you than Shigeko." said Suzuki. He, once again, had no idea what he had said…though being that intoxicated one could find humor in even the most banal of places….so there was that.
"You put her up on a pedestal…and you punish Sho for things that he hasn't even done yet…and things that would be out of his control. You know he can't control if he's gay, right? Not saying that he is but he can't control it and maybe you should just accept him for who he is not because Shigeko told you to but because he's your son….and you're not entirely…guiltless…when it comes to all of that…even if you think that it meant nothing because we're both straight-" said Fukuda
"It did. I could kiss you right now and not feel a single thing." Said Suzuki. He was not going to question himself. He hadn't at thirteen and he wasn't going to at forty four. He had done what he had done for the same reason he had done anything at that age. He'd been an idiot. It didn't mean anything. Like mother and father had said. It didn't mean anything because he was a boy and boys kissed girls and he liked girls and therefore he was normal. Everyone had those stray thoughts but only certain people acted on them. That was all that there was to it. He could have kissed Fukuda right then and there and it wouldn't have been anything, not even adultery, because neither of them would have gotten anything at all out of it.
So that was what he would do just to prove to Fukuda that he was wrong.
"I don't believe that. I know you and every time after wards you got all weird and-" said Fukuda. He would have said more but then…then he just…he couldn't speak. He physically couldn't, of course, since Suzuki had taken that moment to kiss him…a lot….and also even if he had pulled away….which he showed no signs of….Fukuda did not have words for this. What could he even have said to this!? This was….
This was….
"There. Absolutely nothing…and you taste like an ashtray." Said Suzuki wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. There. Nothing at all. He didn't care that Fukuda was staring at him, he didn't care that he suddenly felt aware of his body in a way that he hadn't in a while, and he certainly didn't want to do that again. He had just been proving a pint and now that his point had been proven the two of them could move on to another topic of conversation. Any other topic of conversation. Even their old debate as to whether underwater living or moon colonies were the more viable option for humanity once the continents became overpopulated.
"…then maybe don't tongue kiss me…" said Fukuda. There. He had found some words, and used them too, and now….well now they could just…figure out…what it was that they had even been talking about…and also they could maybe find something new to talk about…or something…because he just…he was not going to talk about that or think about that or…or anything about anything….at all…for any reason at all….ever….
He tasted ketchup.
"Alright." Said Suzuki. He leaned in again. Well if Fukuda was going to be like that then he could-
"Don't kiss me again! What the fuck! You had a good streak there! Twenty years without-" said Fukuda pushing Suzuki back. He made actual contact, his barrier was down, and that meant that he had left himself vulnerable….well Fukuda was vulnerable too. He wished that he could have put up a barrier. That was just….they were just…..that had been the worst….just….fuck!
"You just asked me to." Said Suzuki. Now he didn't get it. Fukuda had all but dared him too, and then he had all but asked him to again, and now he was acting like….this. Suzuki could forgive the pushing, Fukuda wasn't in his right state of mind, and maybe neither was he….and the tightness in his chest was only because…so few people made contact with him…so few people managed to get this close to him…made him drop his barrier….that was all. Nothing more.
"I…I wasn't egging you on-" said Fukuda. Was THAT how he was going to justify it this time?! Well he just….Fukuda…he was going to go along with it. Who was he kidding? He always just went along with it no matter what happened. That was just how it went with them.
"It felt like it." Said Suzuki with a shrug. If he hadn't been baiting Suzuki then he should have made himself clearer. Well that was all over now. Now they could get back to their night…and he so wanted to get back to their night…and he hadn't wanted this in so long….of maybe he had and he just had forgotten. Fukuda's company, of course, not the part where he kissed him to prove a point. No, they could have both done well without any of that.
"Fine, fine, fine, it's my fault. It's my fault you kissed me, it's my fault your wife left you, it's my fault your daughter is a drug addict, it's my fault your son hates you, it's my fault that they took shrimp cola off the market, everything is my fault!" said Fukuda
"No it's not. Well, alright, you did ask me to kiss you just now…but I don't see what you had to do with Masami leaving me or my Daughter's….vices….or Son being the way he is…and I really have no idea why you would have been the one responsible for taking shrimp cola off the market. That was a terrible beverage. It made both of us vomit. Stop blaming yourself for things that you aren't responsible for…it's a waste of energy." Said Suzuki
"No…it really is all my fault…well maybe not the shrimp cola thing but…Suzuki…years ago Masami and I-" said Fukuda. He took a deep breath. Maybe it was the alcohol and marijuana rattling around in his system. Maybe it was brain damage from all the beating Suzuki had given him when they'd been young, or maybe he was just tired of it all. He'd lost. Shigeko had Claw, she'd have the world when she grew up,, and if not her then her father and that was just the way that things were going to be. Masami was never coming back and if she did then she would have hated him or the rest of his life…so maybe the time had finally come.
"Someone's at the door. I'll get it." Said Suzuki. He heard a car stop and he felt two auras. Not his children, no, but their friends…and he would have taken literally anyone else on the planet turning up at his doorstep in the middle of the night over whatever Fukuda was going on about. This was…he wanted to be around Fukuda but also….he had forgotten how strange Fukuda could get when he was intoxicated…but it was what it was. At least he was still normal…mostly normal….no. All the way normal. Better than normal. He focused on the fact that now that Shigeko had told him what it would take for her to leave him he just had to never do anything like that and she'd stay forever.
So he focused on that and not on other things which he chose not to focus on right now.
He focused on how, really, his argument with Shigeko….if he could even call it that…was a blessing really and also on the fact that two her friends had decided to darken his doorstep at this late hour. He didn't usually answer his own door, even when he'd been a child he had always hated it, but Fukuda was in no sate to do so right now…and also maybe he wanted to put some space between the two of them. Maybe he wanted to put some space between the two of them…and also he wanted to be near him…in a way that he often didn't want to be….
He answered the door….and maybe he should have stayed near Fukuda after all.
"What's this?" asked Suzuki. Two of Shigeko's friends…or maybe one of her friends and one of his…or was Hatori a mutual friend? He didn't know. All he knew was that Shibata was holding Hatori under his arms like a baby and Hatori…well he seemed…not normal….but happy. His aura was very happy…so that was good….but also…he hated worrying over the welfare of others….so he tried not to.
"President Suzuki, is Fukuda here? He wasn't at home and-" said Shibata as he held Hatori up like a squirming baby. This was…he had warned Shimazaki and now he was going to do…something. Oh yeah, he was going to do something because Hatori did not need this…but he would do whatever it was that he could do later. Not now. Now he had to get Hatori all fixed up from…whatever it was that Shimazaki had given him….
Not even tea was safe anymore.
He had told Hatori not to drink the tea but he had drank the tea and now he was just…all…like this! One minute he'd been fine and then the net minute he'd been talking nonsense and touching everyone's eyebrows and trying to fight his reflection….that had been….Shibata did a lot of things for friendship and, really, it was better than what had happened at the last party. He just…he could handle this. He would get Hatori all the help he needed and then he would put Hatori to bed…
And then he would reevaluate his life.
"Suzuki! I love you so much! I love me! I love everyone! I'm going to die someday but that's ok!" shouted Hatori as he made his way from Shibata's arms. He jumped out, like Sho did, and he just…he loved Suzuki! He was such an asshole sometimes but he loved him! He loved him and he needed to touch his eyebrows! They were like a couple of caterpillar just hanging out there on his face! He was so….he needed to touch his eyebrows! Eyebrows were important!
"Sorry about him. He's just….I think Shimazaki poisoned him….and I was looking for Fukuda-" said Shibata as he pulled Hatori back to him. Not the eyebrows thing again. They were not getting back to that, they had moved past that, and also that was President Suzuki! He had never said it but he probably did not like people mentioning his eyebrows. He knew that, if he had been cursed with those, he would have wanted everyone to just be quiet about them. He knew that Hatori, if he'd been able to think, would have felt the same way…but he couldn't think. He could just act and act like…Shibata didn't even know….
The things he did for friendship.
"Not him! I don't love him! I love you and I love Suzuki but I don't love him and there's just so much love in the world and I love you." Said Hatori as he wriggled free of Shibata. He went over to Suzuki…and hit an invisible wall…no…when he touched it then it shimmered and became visible and…and there was so much red…and he loved red. He touched the red. He touched the red and he had his own colors and the colors mixed and the whole thing was just….he could see it and feel it and…and this was….
This was amazing!
There were so many colors and he could still get stuck in them…..and he wanted to…and they felt good. This whole thing just felt so good. He felt so good. He felt way too hot but he felt way too good to feel too hot but also he really needed to take off his clothes and he needed to get rid of the barrier between himself and the world and the colors and…and he just…there was too much too much between him and the colors and the world and the light and the dark and the lines and all of the lines and there were so many lines and who drew the lines and he was made up of lines and lies and he'd lied to Suzuki and he loved him so much and he needed to touch his eyebrows…..
They were like caterpillars!
"What….is….this….?" asked Suzuki. Hatori was…clearly not in his right state of mind. He was touching his aura…his actual aura…and he was just…he was such a child. He was still only twenty years old, young enough to be his son, and Suzuki knew that he meant nothing by that. He obviously had no idea what he was doing….and maybe they shouldn't have these parties anymore if this was still going to happen…well at least Hatori wasn't embarrassing himself too badly….so that was….
Fukuda could and would fix him.
"Your eyebrows look like caterpillars. Can I touch them?" asked Hatori. He leaned over close and tried to touch them. Shibata pulled him back…and he was really strong…and Hatori knew that he wasn't as strong. He was pretty weak. He was small and he was weak and he didn't really have powers and he would spend the rest of his life depending on people bigger and stronger than him to protect him from the other people who were bigger and stronger than him and this was life and he had to just…he really just had to get free and touch Suzuki's eyebrows!
"No." said Suzuki. Not his eyebrows. He couldn't even begin to count the number of people who had asked to touch his eyebrows…and the number of people who had to touch them….and the number of people who had been successful…though that had happened since he had been a child….or an adolescent….and he would never understand what the fascination was with his eyebrows. They were eyebrows. People had them. Some people had smaller ones than him. That was just the way the world worked. There had to be a certain amount of genetic diversity in the world…like he had told Fukuda all those years ago when he'd asked him why his eyebrow looked like that….and he could move things without touching them but that was what had fascinated him…
He had better not have started up with that again too.
"What's happening out here?" asked Fukuda as he stumbled into the genkan. He knew that he maybe shouldn't have been overriding his body's natural impulse to heal, especially because it looked like this, like so many other things in life, had ended in a crisis….but he'd had one hell of a night and he had earned this…and he was not coming out of this. As long as he was in this then he didn't have to think about…well everything that he had to think about….
"Hatori's been poisoned and he lost his mind." Said Suzuki simply.
"Can you fix him?" asked Shibata. He knew that he should have said 'you better fix him' or something like that but he hated being like hat…and also Fukuda was apparently the President's best friend. He knew how Mob was about friendship…and he didn't need to see if she had gotten it from her dad.
"No, no, I don't need fixing. I think that, maybe, if we weren't all worried about being fixed and broken and…like…good or bad….I think that we would all be happier…like…like how if we didn't have to worry and…and then we could love each other…your eyebrows are cool and I really want to touch them." Said Hatori. He reached out again but Shibata pulled him back. He didn't mind, though, he loved him. He loved him so much…the most….or maybe he loved Suzuki the most...or maybe he needed to learn how to love himself…love yourself like you love no other and be no man's fool and no man's brother and we're al born to die, you know, and that's the hell of it.
"Fix him." said Suzuki. He took a step back and reached over towards Fukuda…who took a step back from him for some reason….well that didn't matter. Fukuda could fix him and he would fix him and then they could both get on with their night.
"I…can't. Way too drunk. Too drunk and too…everything. Sorry. I just…need to go home….and get back to normal…." Said Fukuda. Nope. He was not going to fix….this. To fix this then eh would have to fix himself and to ix himself would mean that maybe they would have to talk about….well never talk it again…but he would think about it…and he didn't want to think about it…and also Hatori had gotten himself into this state. If he didn't want to live with the consequences of his actions then maybe he shouldn't have done such stupid things.
"You're fine. I've seen you worse." Said Suzuki. He had seen Fukuda stumbling around so badly that eh couldn't be able to even stand up straight without help. Why he chose to override his body's natural healing impulse he didn't know. He just knew that Fukuda was…well not fine but…not too terribly intoxicated that he wasn't able to fix whatever Hatori had done to himself.
"No…no….I don't even think that I can…yeah….no….I'm not alright right now…" said Fukuda. He knew that Suzuki wouldn't be able to tell that he was being lied to. He knew that Suzuki wouldn't care, either, if Fukuda really was that fucked up that he couldn't use his powers. He didn't care. He just needed to get back to his own home and his own space and he just needed space to…to process…everything.
"Hey! I have an idea! Shibata can carry you home and then I can be here and then other stuff is going to happen and can I please touch your eyebrows!?" said Hatori. He needed to touch Suzuki's eyebrows…and the rest of him...because the red of him felt very good and if the red of him felt very good then the rest of him must have felt good too and Suzuki was so fucking scared of the invisible lines that divided people and the invisible threads that brought them together and he tried to be all alone and that was just the saddest thing. It was amazing, sometimes, to think that he was Mob's dad.
"Fukuda…." Said Suzuki. He…well he knew that Fukuda had his limits but…well Hatori was obviously worse off than him…but everyone had their limits and there was no way to push a person past their limits so…so this was just….something that he would have to deal with….
He didn't want to deal with this….but he would….because he could. He was capable and he could because he had no choice.
"That's a good idea…that Hatori had…see you….see you later…just…yeah…see you later…" said Fukuda. He collapsed, well made himself collapse, into Shibata. He got the feeling that Shibata had been about to let him hit the floor….but of course that was insane. He as actually one of the better people that Shigeko had collected. Shibata didn't let him fall, no, he picked him up…which was just…it was odd to be picked up as an adult but this was an odd world he was living in and…well he had better accept that.
Honestly being carried like a sack of potatoes was a hell of a lot less odd than anything that had just transpired that night.