Sho would always be there for Shimazaki.
They were best friends and that was what best friends did for their other best friends. They were there for their friends no matter what. Even if they were in a Saw room or something and the only way out was to cut off your best friend's leg….well nothing that serious…and also Saw rooms weren't real…and this wasn't like a Saw room anyway. This was just him being there for Shimazaki while he…well Sho didn't know what was with him right now…but he didn't care. So what if Shimazaki told him that he needed Sho to babysit him and make sure he didn't do anything crazy? And now he was talking crazy and stuff?
Sho was his best friend and he would always be there for his best friend.
Which was why he was sitting on the roof of the building even though it was cold and windy and he sort of wanted to get down now. It was way too high and he knew that he could fly if he tried hard enough….but he had never tried from being up this high before…and even if he had then he wouldn't have wanted to try again. He wasn't afraid of anything, even heights, so he wasn't scared….
He just didn't want to end up going splat on the ground.
Not that he thought that Shimazaki would let him go splat on the ground. No, they were friends and friend did not do that to their friends. Shimazaki was his friend and he would always be there for him and Sho knew that if he fell off the side of the roof, he wasn't sure if this building had always been a skyscraper or not, Shimazaki would have caught him. Shimazaki had said, before, that if they fell then he wasn't so messed up that he would forget to teleport them to safety…and also he had said that they weren't going to jump.
He had said that a lot of times already.
"I'm not going to jump. You get it? You and I are not going to jump off of this roof." Said Shimazaki. He was sitting even more on the edge than Sho was…and really the danger was falling off, not jumping off, and Sho…well he didn't want to fall off or jump off. He wanted to go back to the party and go to the bouncy house room or see what big sis was up to…without Minegishi because they sucked…or maybe he even wanted to throw apples at Hatori or something….
Something that wasn't on this roof.
"I know, you said so already. Can we come down now? It's cold as hell up here." Said Sho. He pulled his coat around himself. He sort of wished that he had worn the dress, that dad hadn't gotten all pissed off and made him take it off, because at least that dress was warm and poofy. It got chilly at night, even in Tokyo, and he sort of really wanted to go inside….but for some reason Shimazaki wanted to stay outside. Maybe because he was hot. Well he was always hot…not that Sho looked at him like that….that often…but now he was all sweaty. His sweat had made his hair get stuck to his forehead and he kept on puling at his shirt and….
Knock it off, goldfish, nobody needs you.
"I've never wanted to, you know, not once in my life…..not even when my life was a fucking horror show…and not horroshow….that's a Toshi word…horrorshow…well it is now…I think that they're a droog again…they like that book a lot…and I like them a lot…so of course I don't want to jump. If I jumped then they're be pissed off at me and shit and, trust me, you don't want Toshi to get pissed off at you…so I don't think that I'll jump…because I don't want to." Said Shimazaki. Sho looked down over the edge of the building…they would die if they fell from this height and didn't catch themselves…and he didn't want to jump. If he jumped then he would end up dying and if he died then big sis would miss him…and also he'd be dead…and also Shimazaki would miss him….and if Shimazaki died then he'd be so pissed off at him…but Shimazaki didn't care about that, about Sho being pissed off at him for dying, he just cared if Minegishi cared about him being alive or dying or whatever….and that…
It made him want to push Shimazaki, not to kill him, but just to scare him…but he wouldn't have ever done that to his best friend.
"I know that you don't want to jump off the roof….because it would make Minegishi mad if you died…and you love them and stuff." Said Sho. Shimazaki wiped the sweat from his head and reached his hand over. Sho handed him his can of coke. Shimazaki drank the whole thing down without pausing and then threw the can over the side of the building. Sho waited for someone to scream in pain, he had been warned a million times about throwing things off of tall buildings, but nothing happened…so he stopped looking. Shimazaki might have been disappointed, though, because he kept on looking.
"I don't want to die, you know, I really don't. I want to live. I like to live. I don't want to die. I don't care if I never should have been born in the first place. I don't care if, you know if my mom hadn't loved me as much as she did, my dad would have drowned me in a bucket or thrown me into the ocean when I was born. I want to live. I like being alive. I don't trust the ocean." Said Shimazaki. He pointed out towards Tokyo Bay, they could see it from all the way up here maybe if there had been some light out, and Sho…well he looked out into it. Would his dad have thrown him into the eater if big sis had been born a boy? Sho knew that he was only here because dad needed a boy to make more people named Suzuki…and if big sis had been a boy when she'd been born then there would have been no reason for Sho to even have been there….
He was happy that mom had loved him when he'd been born.
Mom had loved him when he'd been born. She'd wanted him. She had let the doctor's cut her open like a fish to get him out of her. That was something that had happened and that dad had never forgiven him for. Sho didn't know how it was his fault, that he'd come out the wrong way and stuff, but dad still hated him for that. Dad hated him for a lot of things. He had said, before, that he didn't hate him though. No, dad had said that he just disliked him….and that was bad and….and he wanted…he didn't know. Maybe he wanted a dad who loved him. Maybe he wanted a dad who did dad things with him, like Fukuda did with him, who played games with him and hung out and wanted to be around him all the time…and maybe he had always wanted a dad like Fukuda…and maybe he had wanted Fukuda to have been his dad back when he'd been little…and maybe he still wanted Fukuda to be his dad…and maybe…maybe he should have just been grateful to have the dad that he had….
After all it could have been worse….at least dad had never tried to kill him….
"I know that you don't want to die….and I guess that I don't trust the ocean either? I mean people go missing in it all the time…and I guess that people throw babies in there….and I'm glad that your dad didn't throw you into the ocean when you were a baby." said Sho. He didn't want to trust it. Now he felt like he could see the ocean and feel it…feel the water…and the water was all around him…and dad had made…well he'd asked dad. Sho knew that he was the one who had asked to go through the Awakening thing…and he hadn't known what it would have been like…but he'd still asked for it…so if he'd died then it would have been his own fault…so it was ok, then…dad….he hadn't tried to kill him….
Sho wanted to go inside.
"I really don't want to die….I have a lot to live for and I really don't want to….and I've never thought about it before either." Said Shimazaki. He kicked his feet. He had let his feet dangle over the edge. Sho was sitting cross legged. He didn't want to dangle his feet over the side. Maybe the gravity would have taken him. Maybe he would have fallen and then…and then he would have been dead….and then…well big sis would have been sad and…and it didn't matter because Shimazaki would have caught him and Fukuda could have put him back together…and stuff.
"I never said that you did." Said Sho. For someone who wanted to live Shimazaki sure was talking a lot about how he could have died….and Sho…he had never thought about it before…not like…like it was…whenever he'd thought about dying, before, when he'd been littler than he was now he had always thought back to the day when they'd held him under the water…and then drained the water…and then put him back under…over and over again…or the time he got shot full of lightening…or the time with all the needles and then the burning and…and stuff. He thought about dying as something that happened to him. Something that happened when he was trapped and little and he couldn't get away…not like…like he could just….lean forward and….
And they really needed to put up some kind of fence or guardrail or something up here….
"I wouldn't even if I had the chance…and I have had the chance. Like…you have no idea how close to death I've come….like…like I could have sucked his dick if I wanted to….like I could have told death to stick it down my throat and he would have been all….sure thing Ryou….and I would have been all…does this make me immortal….and then death would have been all….shut up and suck my dick…and then I would have done it…because you don't say no to death, you know, especially if he wants his dick sucked. Like you can say no to anyone who comes up to you asking to suck your dick but you can't say no to death…so always suck death's dick…when you get the chance…and maybe you'll be immortal." Said Shimazaki. Sho stuck out his tongue. He must have been really drunk or really high or both to have been talking like that. Where did he even come up with this stuff? God, he was so weird sometimes….but that was ok because he was Sho's friend…and he wanted another Coke….
Maybe when they ran out they could go downstairs and get more.
"I'm not doing that to anyone, not even death. It's gross." Said Sho. He stuck out his tongue and he knew that Shimazaki could sense him doing it…and now was the part where Shimazaki did it right back…only…he didn't. He just turned to face Sho and he opened his eyes and he…well Sho knew that he wasn't being looked at but he got the feeling that he was…and it was….he liked it when Shimazaki looked at him…and Shimazaki was holding him by the shoulders now…and he had turned to face Sho and his empty can of Coke went don wove the side of the building…and that time someone did yell…and that had been really funny…
But Shimazaki was being way too serious…so Sho didn't laugh.
"Don't fuck with death…alright? Unless death wants to fuck with you….but don't fuck with death…because death is…finite. Like….game over…you know? End scene…roll the credits…it's just….I don't know where people go after they die…I mean I've sensed spirits before and I've exorcised them….but you know something? I have no idea where they go after they die….I mean are exorcised…and I don't know where you'd go….and I don't want to lose you…so if death tells you to suck his dick then you do it." Said Shimazaki. Sho still thought that Shimazaki had thought up the grossest thing ever…it really was only funny if someone else was doing it like when someone got hit in the balls….but Shimazaki was serious….but that was seriously gross….
"That's still gross…but fine…if it means a lot to you." Said Sho. Shimazaki was still staring at him…and Sho let him. Shimazaki cared about him and…and he cared if Sho died and…and he just…he knew that the only other person who would have said that to him would have been big sis…or maybe not even her because she didn't like gross stuff like that….but dad would never have said that to him…and Sho…he didn't want to die either….he looked over the wide of the building….
He wondered if Shimazaki was too messed up to catch him if he fell.
"It does…you do…you mean a lot to me and…you know what? If death wants you then I will suck his dick for your life…because I want you to live…and I want me to live…and also I kind of want to suck someone's dick right now…for the closeness of it…you know what I mean? Just to feel close to someone….I like that…feeling close to someone." Said Shimazaki. He was still holding onto Sho…and part of him wanted to tell Shimazaki that they were super close already…but that might have made him want to be less close…or more close…and he didn't want to be THAT close….because that was gross…and stuff…and he…he had only kissed one person who he actually wanted to kiss…and he wanted….Shimazaki was so close and….
And he could have said something stupid.
He could have said something stupid like 'we can be closer if you want' or 'shut up and kiss me' or something else that he had heard from those stupid movies big sis was always watching. He could have said or done something stupid….but he didn't. That would have been the worst thing that he could have done. He was sitting there at the edge of the roof and if he had said something stupid, something like that without thinking, then he could have gone right over the edge and…and he would have let himself go over the edge…
Because, really, what else could he have done in that situation?
"Um…no…I don't really get it…" said Sho. Shimazaki was still holding him by the shoulder and his eyes were still opened….and Sho sort of wanted to tell him to close his eyes…because he could have gotten crap in them or something…not because it was sort of…weird…looking into the eyes of someone who didn't have any…and he didn't…well he didn't want to make Shimazaki feel bad…so he said nothing at all…
Even though he sort of wanted to say a lot of stuff…and stuff….
"You ever just want to feel close to someone? Like…like you're a 'you' but a 'you all alone? And like…nothing is real? And there's nothing….nothing but you….and you'd think that there would have been strawberry fields forever….but there's weren't. There's just…this city…and it feels like it goes on forever…and you just want someone to be near you….like there are a bunch of auras and people but you feel alone…so you just want to sleep with someone because you want to be close to them….but also you don't want to sleep with someone because that would be like…too much? You know what I mean?" asked Shimazaki
"No….because I'm ten…and I don't do stuff like that." Said Sho. He didn't get it…well he got feeling lonely but…but not lonely like Shimazaki had just said because….like….that was just…weird. Wanting to do…stuff like that…with someone. It was just…gross. He knew what happened, what people did, and he didn't think that he was ever going to want to do that with someone. It was all gross and embarrassing and also he didn't think two guys even could…not that he would ever cheat on Emmy…but she didn't want to do that stuff either…but she would when they grew up and got married….
He didn't want to think about that…this…any of this…right now.
"Like…like ok. There's you…the you that exists inside of you…and then there's the you that exists inside of other people….and then the you that is you and the them that is them…and then it's like…you're inside of yourself and they are inside of themselves…and like…there are boundaries between people and…and you can't un-mix the cocoa powder from the milk…and when you put it together it's going to make pudding….so if you're inside of yourself and then inside of someone then…then how do you get out of them? You know what I mean?" asked Shimazaki
"….not really…" said Sho. Shimazaki had been talking really fast, there, first of all…and second of all he was making no sense. People weren't pudding. You couldn't mix people up like pudding unless you killed them and put them through a blender first…and Sho didn't want to do that…and he knew that Shimazaki was talking about gross adult bed stuff and not murder anyway…and this just…made no sense….but Sho didn't care. He would always be there for Shimazaki.
That was what friends were for after all.
"You probably couldn't get out of them…like…like you're someone new now…like there's a part of them in you and there's a part of you in them…..so it's like….you made someone entirely new and….and then they are in your tree….and it's not yours alone and…and you don't want to be alone but…but you don't want to be that close to someone either….so you stick to sucking their dick because…well that's a thing but it's also not a thing…like it's a thing but not a thing that's going to get you all mixed up with them and…and then you're still yourself…and if you stay yourself then you don't have to die…and I don't want to die…" said Shimazaki
"I know that you don't want to…so maybe we should get off the roof." Said Sho. There was no way that he was going to be able to make sense of what Shimazaki was telling him, he suspected that this was some kind of adult thing that he was not supposed to know about yet, so he would stick to the not wanting to die thing….which somehow made more sense and less sense at the same time. If Shimazaki didn't want to die then why were they on the edge of the fucking roof? And why was he just letting his feet dangle like that?
"I really don't want to, you know….I mean if I have to I will but I don't want to. I want to live….I mean…maybe I should but…but not today. I mean I've spent the past thirty one years living on borrowed time…and I'm so fucking useless and…and I am not useless…you need me. You need me and I take good care of you….right? Sho, tell me right now that I take good care of you and that you need me and that I'm not useless. Tell me now, right now, right this fucking second…I just need to hear it from you, alright? That'll be like hearing it from my kid…and then that'll be like hearing it from Toshi because they're going to maybe have my kid if they ever change their mind…so I need to hear it from you, alright? Because I don't want to die…and you have to know that I don't want to die." Said Shimazaki
"Why do you keep on saying that you don't? I know that you don't….ok?" said Sho. He ignored the parts about Minegishi. They were his theyfriend and he loved them and they had the factory that girls had inside of them for making people and babies were awesome so, of course, Shimazaki wanted to have one with the person that he loved…and stuff…and just…now it felt like Shimazaki had reached inside of him and squeezed the blood from his heart like he was wringing it out and…and he needed his heart blood! He needed his heart blood and he needed Shimazaki to just…let go of him and his heart and…
And he needed to get off the edge of this building because he had accidentally looked down…and it was a long way down….
"You get it…good. I'm glad that you get it…it's a good thing that you get it…and I know that you get it and…and you know something? I feel better. Like…like a lot better…like…like you get me and shit and…and I don't know who else would get me but you so….thanks for getting me." Said Shimazaki
"Uh….you're welcome? Can we get off the roof now? If you don't want to die then maybe we should get off the edge of this roof." Said Sho
"But I like it here at the edge…like….like being at the edge…this is where all the power is, you know? This is the place where all the power is and here…well here everything is going to be ok…you know? Like…up here…up here I'm Shimazaki Ryou and you know…I'm the only Shimazaki Ryou up here….nobody is in my tree…it's mine alone…but you can be here too…and we can be here and…like…you know? I mean of course you know…you get it." Said Shimazaki
"Yeah….I get it…" said Sho. He didn't get it. None of this made sense. This made about as much sense as…as bread that didn't come sliced…or poptarts without frosting….or places that had birds but didn't let you feed them…and stuff. He just…he had no idea what was even being talked about but he was a good friend…and he hated lying but…well he didn't even think that Shimazaki knew what he was talking about…and stuff.
"So…so maybe you're right? I mean of course you're right….we don't live at the edge…because it's a balancing act and when you're so focused on balancing the you're not truly living…and I want to live. I spent so much of my life not living….like…in this…this space….my world was four walls and a record player and a bucket and…and I don't want to live in four walls…I want to be outside but…but also inside and…and one thing I can tell you is you've got to be free. You get it?" asked Shimazaki
"Ok…I get it." Said Sho. Shimazaki nodded and let him go. Sho…he felt cold where Shimazaki's hands were…but that was probably because he was sweating buckets…he smelled sort of…good and not good and…and now he was sitting away and his feet were dangling and Sho…he wanted him to be close…or maybe the goldfish in his stomach wanted that…or maybe they both did since the goldfish was a part of him…the part of himself that he didn't like.
"So yeah…we have to come together and…and I want to be in a tree but…but one that I know? Like…like I can't go to a tree that I don't know and…and trees are alive and people are alive but buildings aren't alive…and they aren't even buildings because they've been built already…you're a building…you're being built…you used to be little and now you're less little…and one and one and one is three…and I love that song…and I love trees…and I need a tree…and Toshi is a tree…so let's go and see Toshi…right now." Said Shimazaki. He took Sho by the hand…and he wanted…he wanted to throw himself off the side of the building but not to die…just to get away…because Shimazaki was HOLDING his HAND and…and they had also been talking about Minegishi and…and he wanted…he wanted Shimazaki to…to talk about him like that…and he didn't want Shimazaki to…to see them or…or to leave him…but he also sort of did and…
And this whole thing was just…all of the feeling at once.
"Um….I don't really want to see them right now…but we can…stay here…if you want." Said Sho. Was this cheating? Was he cheating on Emmy right now? He wasn't in love with her but…but Shimazaki wasn't in love with him…and handholding wasn't like kissing. Kissing was kissing and handholding…well sometimes Fukuda held his hand to lead him places and….and that didn't count…well he wasn't in love with Fukuda, the grossest thought that he'd ever had, and Shimazaki wasn't in love with him….
He was in love with Minegishi….that bitch bastard….
"Right…right…right…you don't like Toshi…but you should. You really should. Toshi is actually a really good person when you get to know them…and…and you're right…we can't be here on the edge so…here…here." Said Shimazaki. He grabbed tight Sho and the world around them fell away. Shimazaki had taken him and for a moment Sho thought that they had gone tumbling down off the side of the building…but they hadn't….they had just gone tumbling….
Down into the bouncy house room.
"HI, Shimazaki and Sho." Said big sis as she stopped jumping. Sho got up to his feet. They were in a bouncy house and it was all dark and glow in the dark and…and he was…he was happy and not happy to see big sis…she had been bouncing and he wanted to bounce to but where there was big sis there was Minegishi and-
And big sis was alone…and that was great.
"Hey big sis. We're just here to-" said Sho. Good. He was with big sis and she was alone and….and she didn't like Shimazaki and…and he knew that he should have bene thinking like that but he was and…and better her than Minegishi…God, he hated Minegishi…well not hated, he didn't want them dead or anything, he just wanted them to find a new boyfriend and leave Shimazaki alone and….and maybe fall down the stairs and twist their ankle or skin their knee or something like that.
"Hey Mob. Watch your brother for me…but don't let him go because he's my sitter…I have to find Toshi…I think that they're with someone….just…I don't know why I feel like this….fuck me…." Said Shimazaki before he teleported away.
"I don't need you to watch me." Said Sho as big sis tried to take his hand. She was his sister and she took care of him…but she didn't watch him. He was ten, nearly eleven, and he watched himself….and stuff. Big sis had watched him when she had been his age…and he wasn't a kid and…and Shimazaki didn't have to treat him like a kid and…and he didn't have to just…go and leave him for that boring bitch bastard Minegishi.
"Ok, I won't watch you…but can you bounce with me? Minegishi said that they would meet me here when they were done talking to their new friend and-" said big sis. Sho didn't wait for her to tell him anymore. She was talking about her best friend and…and Sho was so tired of hearing about Minegishi and…and he just….he had to get out of there even though bouncy houses were awesome! He just…he just…he needed to find Shimazaki and…and Shimazaki was his friend! And he could have found Minegishi and touched their boobs and did all of that other stuff with them literally any other time! This was a party and…and they should have been having fun together like friends instead of just…just being apart and….
And Shimazaki shouldn't have left him! That wasn't what best friends did!
"I have to find Shimazaki!" said Sho. He bounced his way out of the bouncy house and towards Shimazaki's aura….and his aura was bouncing all over the place…but he had to find him! He heard big sis calling after him…and he would make it up to her later…but right now….right now his best friend…was gone! His best friend needed him and he needed his best friend and his best friend was not going to but his theyfriend ahead of him because…because that wasn't what best friends did!
Friendship meant something!
Big sis would understand. She was always with her best friend and they always did best friend things together and they were always hanging out and stuff. She would understand that sometimes your best friend had to come first. Your best friend was like…like the other half of you…sometimes. Like how she and Minegishi both had the same halves of that bracelet. When it came together it said 'best friends' and…and Sho wished that he and Shimazaki had something like that….but also it wouldn't have made sense since Shimazaki couldn't read…if they made those in braille then it would have been good and…
And he just wanted to be back with Shimazaki!
Sho chased his aura until it stopped bouncing around…and it was down a floor…by where the living spaces were. He followed Shimazaki's aura down the stairs, the elevators were full of people jumping up and down to try and make it fall…Sho didn't have time for that right now….right now his best friend needed him…or something….or maybe he needed his best friend…or maybe Shimazaki had gotten lost since he was super messed up right now….
Whatever he needed Sho would be there for him!
Sho found him down in the breakroom throwing handfuls of popcorn around the room. The Awakened were there, some of them, and they were trying to catch it in their mouths…and Sho could have wanted to have been invited to the game. That was the good popcorn, the purple and orange and black popcorn, and Shimazaki…well he had no idea that it was way too special to waste on Awakened…and that really he should have been playing that game with Sho….
But it was ok…Sho was here now.
"Hey Shimazaki! Over here!" said Sho. He opened his mouth wide and instead of getting a handful of popcorn in his face he got Shimazaki teleporting over to him and picking him up. Before Sho knew it he was sitting with Shimazaki in the cafeteria freezer. He had no idea why Shimazaki had brought him here, maybe because he was all hot and sweaty, but he at least had brought the popcorn with him…and also he was holding Sho like he was a stuffed animal….or something….
He chose to focus on the popcorn covering the floor.
"I don't know why I care…..I really don't know why I care…or why I feel this way….or why I feel like…like anything. I want to feel I want to feel….I don't even fucking know! You, I guess…you're warm and….and I get you and you get me…and right now one of us needs to get me because I don't even get me." Said Shimazaki as he held Sho close. He held him close and rocked back and forth with him…and Sho…the floor as blue and white tiles and the popcorn on the floor was purple and orange and black and…and those colors didn't match together…but he stared at them anyway…because this was….Shimazaki sounded like he was really scared of something and….and Sho was being a terrible friend right about them. Shimazaki was there rocking back and forth like Sho did when he was sad and all Sho could do was tell the goldfish in his stomach to stop freaking out because Shimazaki didn't like him like that…and also there was no way that his hands were going to go under his jacket let alone under his shirt to trace his scars….and stuff like that.
That was crazy.
"You know? Like….Toshi is Toshi and Toshi….they aren't one of those plants you get at the store…you know what I mean? They aren't one of those plants that comes in a pot and you just have to water it with water and stuff…they're…their own person and I don't own them and…and yeah, I love them and…and I know that they love me and…and maybe love does mean wanting to own someone…but I don't want it to mean that…but love is…it sucks…." Said Shimazaki. Sho looking up him the popcorn on the floor. Shimazaki was still rocking him back and forth like he was baby sis or something…but at least now what he was saying was making sense. What he was doing made zero sense at all, Sho was not a baby and if anyone needed comfort it was Shimazaki, but what he was saying…about love and stuff not about Minegishi because fuck Minegishi…it all made sense…
Love sucked.
It really did. Love made you want to do stuff that you never thought you could have ever wanted to do. Love made him want to…well do stuff with another guy that he knew that he wasn't supposed to want…and not only with another guy but with Shimazaki. Shimazaki was the coolest guy ever…and he smelled so good right now even though he was all sweaty and gross…and he was always so fun even though he was acting weirder than usual now…and he was just….Shimazaki was Shimazaki and even if Sho had been allowed to like other guys Shimazaki never would have liked him like that anyway but that didn't stop Sho's heart from trying to beat out of his chest and the goldfish in his stomach to try and swing out his bellybutton and…and his hands from wanting to reach up from his back and to his hair…or under his jacket and….
And love was the WORST thing that could ever happen to a person. The absolute worst.
"I mean….I don't care what they do. They can hook up with whoever they want to hook up with….I don't own them….and they don't own me….so if I wanted to find some dumb fuck from the Seventh Division then I could and it wouldn't be a problem for either of us….but it's like….you get it, right? Like when you love someone so much that the thought of them being away from you hurts? Like really hurts? Like someone is kicking you in the chest with one foot and in the balls with the other?" asked Shimazaki. Sho…he had that feeling right now. Shimazaki was right about that feeling, that kicked in the balls and the stomach feeling, but not because of whatever gross adult bed thing that he was talking about. No…he had actually stopped listening after Shimazaki had said Seventh Division….
That was baby sis's Division.
That was her Division and….Sho closed his eyes he closed his eyes and spread his aura out. He spread out and he…well first he had to look past Shimazaki…and that was sort of hard since Shimazaki was being all….clingy…and maybe he was being clingy right back and…and he needed to look past him and…and maybe she was there. Maybe she had come there with her mom and…and that would have been…good and bad and…and he didn't know. Big sis was there and baby sis…she had forgotten about big sis and…and the whole thing was supposed to be a secret but…but it had been a secret for so long and Sho….maybe he was ready for the secret to come out. Fukuda had told him to keep it all a secret but…well maybe it was ok for big sis to know if the secret came out on it's own…
Baby sis wasn't there.
Baby sis and her mom weren't there. They were back at the Seventh Division, probably, because she was just a baby and this was way past her bedtime…and also her mom knew not to bring her, probably, because it was a big secret…and maybe it was for the best that this thing stay a secret…and Sho…he was wrong to want to let the secret out….
Even though he was really getting tired of keeping secrets.
"Woah….you were everywhere and your aura was all…hissy sort of…like when we microwaved all of those eggs…remember that? You were all like….hiss….and then your aura was all over and…that was…woah…like…woah…you know?" asked Shimazaki. He let Sho go and now he was doing a lot gestures and….and Sho…well he felt all….woah….but not in a good way. Woah in a….what the hell is the matter with him way? Big sis could not know about baby sis….and he…he had to keep the secret no matter what….because that was what it meant to keep a secret….and stuff…
"Yeah…I was….just…nothing." said Sho. He had been looking for his baby sis…and he couldn't just go and tell Shimazaki that. He loved Shimazaki and he loved baby sis, in a different way, and he also loved big sis and he just….he wanted to let the secret out but….but he couldn't. Letting the desert out would have been the worst thing…because then dad would have known…and nothing good would ever come from dad knowing about baby sis…and he would know. He knew everything that went on around there.
Dad could never know about baby sis…for her own sake.
"Were you looking for Toshi too? Don't look for Toshi since you don't like them…and don't be pissed at them. I love them, you know I do, and I love you too just in a different way…and jealousy….kid, don't be jealous. It's…the worst feeling in the world…being jealous. So don't be. Be….you got to be….not jealous….like I need to stop being jealous….and Toshi…Toshi can fuck who they want and they can fuck who they like and….shit. That's what I'm afraid of….Toshi liking someone else…loving them….and…and did I ever tell you about….well I didn't but….Toshi just….if Toshi wants to fuck some fucker from the fucking Seventh fucking Division then they can fuck some fucker from the fucking Seventh Division….fuck…" said Shimazaki. Sho…he didn't really know people from the Seventh Division…but he knew that they knew him….everyone knew him….he was Suzuki Sho. He was dad's only Son….and if people knew him then they knew that he knew baby sis…and then dad would know that he knew baby sis…and then…well everything would suck.
"There are people from the Seventh Division here? What kind of people?" asked Sho. If it was just the Awakened then….well who listened to the Awakened? If it was one of the Scars…then dad would listen and then…and then everything would be over and…and then baby sis would be in danger and…and baby sis…she deserved so much better than that….
"Yeah…that spirit guy…and the samurai…and that guy who thought he could fuck me up…well fuck him…but not Toshi…but yes Toshi…because I love Toshi and Toshi…is Toshi….." said Shimazaki. Sho covered his ears and shook his head. He could feel Minegishi there and…and they were there and Minegishi was always going to be on Shimazaki's mind and…and he wouldn't shut up about Minegishi and….and he didn't want to be there while Minegishi was there and….and he didn't want to be there if there were guys from the Seventh Division and…..
And he needed to get out of there.
"I…do you want to get out of here? I mean if you're upset then maybe we should go somewhere else…and stuff…" said Sho. He wanted to leave and…and Shimazaki….he was holding him again and Sho….he wanted to stay for the party but not if the party was going to have people in it and…and he liked some of the people there but…but not all of them and Shimazaki….well he was….he was being all like this and….and he and big sis had gone on an adventure and…and Sho wanted an adventure too or….or really anything….other than being there….
He knew that it was wrong to just leave the party without saying anything…but Shimazaki needed him and he didn't want to be there….and best friends were there for each other like that.