The Order was in an uproar ever since I publicly declared my readiness to face Voldymort. I on the other hand was still reeling in the intense comfort the declaration had granted me. While everyone else was on edge and verging on violence to extract my plans, I was enjoying every moment of being near those who truly loved me even if they were more than a bit aggravated with me. "Harry, please listen to reason! Why did you confront Malfoy and what on earth are you planning?" Hermione shrieked for the hundredth time since we had returned from shopping. I could only smile at her. "You are so infuriating!" "Mione, why are you so tense? You're the one who helped me see what I have to do. I would think you of all people would understand." "That's just it Harry, I don't know what I helped you realize!" "Look, I'll tell you if I come out of this thing alive." I told her with sincerity. However instead of being satisfied she merely started to bawl. "That's not exactly comforting mate." An irritated Ron said as he followed Hermione out of the den. I couldn't understand why everyone seemed so disheartened. I was on top of the world. Nothing, nothing in my life had ever felt so clear. Why couldn't they all just trust me this once? As I was pondering the order's constant state of defeat Lupin entered the den and took the seat Ron had just vacated. "I know I'm not your father, we've been over that, but we confirmed we're friends now right? " I could only smile up at him. I'd been doing that a lot lately, smiling. Lupin on the over hand looks worn out just from the sight of me. "Please explain what you are doing Harry." "I'm doing what I need to do for myself, not for anyone else and that is the difference." I couldn't be more pleased with my response as though I had just spouted the meaning of life. It all made complete sense to me but apparently no one else was getting it, clearly not Lupin. "I'm gonna need a lot more than that. I know you feel you need to avenge the deaths of your parents Harry, I have felt that too, but facing him now is absurd especially since you refuse to allow the order to help. And to be perfectly honest you are sabotaging the efforts the order has built up over the years with this stunt." "Why is it no one ever listens to me? No one ever listens to the words I speak they simply take what I have said and twist them into some other meaning, taking them completely out of context. I don't think I am being stereotypically adolescent when I say no one understands me! Am I speaking another language? Have I slipped into speaking parseltoungue unknowingly?" The wonderful bliss I had been experiencing was quickly dissolving. Does every teenager feel so completely misunderstood? "I am listening; I hear you Harry." "No you don't because you think I want to destroy Voldymort." "Of course you want to destroy Voldimort, we all want that!" "Not all of us." Lupin has angry face and I can tell he is attempting to control his emotions. He takes a moment before he speaks and when he does his voice is slow and controlled. "Are you saying you don't want him dead?" I was not afraid; I continued to look him straight in the eye but I didn't answer. "Harry, I don't know what has got into you recently but I feel I need to remind you of the damage he has done…" I cut Lupin off because I was all too aware of what Voldymort had done and hearing it again wouldn't help any. "He's not so wrong." 'What! He murdered your parents, he is the reason Sirius is dead!" "I know. But I understand." I said lightly. Lupin is in a state of shock, looking like he wants to respond, to shake some sense into me but he can't formulate the words. I guess I dropped a bomb on him. I seem to be doing that a lot. "Look, this is something I need to do for myself, not for my parents, not for Sirius, not because of some prophesy, and not because it's my duty, but because I need to do this." I smiled at him. "I still know where my allegiance lies but I need you and the order to back off and let me do this. I have a good feeling about it and Dumbledore must approve to some extent seeing as he hasn't come to lecture me since I spoke to Malfoy." "Does Dumbledore know what you are about to do?" Lupin seems very hopeful. "No, but ever since we spoke I think he may just have a little more faith in me. Have faith in me too Moony." That night I left headquarters on my own leaving only a general note behind to explain my absence in the morning. Dear Order: Please don't worry. HP