Suzuki wondered how many trees had to die to wrap his children's Christmas presents.
There was at least a forest's worth of paper in the living room, maybe even more, and he had no idea what the point of it all was. He had never gotten the point of wrapping presents, even when he had been a child, but cultural traditions weren't to be understood. No, they were to be performed. Over and over again every single year until you died. One day he would die and the children would die and the paper that covered the living room would degrade back into the Earth that it came from and then the world would cease and the sun would expand and encompass the planet and then all that would be left to wait for was the slow heat death of the universe.
And other such things.
Other such thoughts. Non-Christmas thoughts. Thoughts which he should not have had. This was, supposedly, the most wonderful time of the year. The children certainly seemed to think so…but maybe because they got gifts and sugary foods. They did receiving gifts and eating sugary foods…so it made sense. He had never liked sugar foods. Even when he'd been small. He had a vague memory, once, of there being a red…thing….on the counter just out of his reach….so he took it down with his powers and ate it….and then became very ill and vomited it all back up…and then mother had been very upset with him and father had been upset with her…but there was no point in dwelling on it now.
That had been over forty years ago.
He had no idea why he had been thinking so much about his childhood as of late. His childhood had been a series of events that had happened. Now it was over. He was a man now and he had his own children. His childhood, therefore, did not matter. Theirs mattered. Then one day they would have their own children and then their childhoods would not matter. This time, what was happening right now, did not matter. The aftermath of them opening their presents did not matter. The mess in the living room did not matter.
So then why on Earth was he cleaning it up?
He knew that Shigeko would get to it. She always did. She would clean it all up when she got the chance. Right now she and Son were in their room playing some game or something. Something which he was not privy to. Something which he probably would have had no interest in. Their generation had no taste when it came to games…not that he enjoyed games or anything. No, he just…valued them for…their ability to help with…hand eye coordination and…problem solving! Yes. That was the only reason why he played games, nothing more, because he was a grown man and grown men did not play games just like grown men did not look upon their living rooms and get a deep sense of…loss…and sadness…for things that they didn't even understand.
He was just upset about the mess.
That was all. There had been wrapping paper everywhere for the past few hours. The children had gotten up at dawn, and Shigeko had made sure to get him up as well, and then the present ritual had begun. It was really Masami's ritual….or maybe just a woman's ritual since his mother had done the same thing. A present was chosen, a picture was taken with the present wrapped, as it was being unwrapped, and then finally what was inside. It took a very long time…but it was one of their many cultural rituals and it had to be followed.
Even though Masami was gone…and mother was gone…and then one day too he would be gone….
This was not the time to contemplate his own mortality. He was going to die one of these days. So what? All who've walked this Earth have died. That was just how it worked. He had lived, he had been born, and then one day he would get old and die. He wasn't that old. He was only forty five….four! He was only forty four….not the time to start rounding up….and he would live another forty or even fifty years so…really he had nothing to worry about or think about. So another Christmas had passed, and then soon it would be the New Year, and then his birthday….Tadashi's birthday first and then his, and then Shigeko's birthday, and then…well his anniversary was going to come around again at some point….and then Masami's birthday….and then the anniversary of the day she left…also Valentine's Day was coming up…which might have been the night Son had been conceived…and then there was another birthday in February….
He cleaned up the paper.
He needed something to do, anything to do, that was his problem. He had nothing to do and that made his mind wander and nothing good had ever come of his mind wandering. He had just been for too long without mental stimulation. The children were keeping each other occupied, Hatori was busy with whatever was happening next door…something involving copious amounts of profanity on Hatori's part, and Tadashi….Fukuda wasn't speaking to him for some reason. He hadn't come out and said that they weren't speaking but….well it had been a while since they'd last spoken.
Not that he cared.
He was a full and complete person all on his own. He didn't need anybody but himself. He was not a little boy anymore. He was not going to sit there and whine to himself about how alone he was. About how there wasn't anyone in the world like him. About how he would be alone for the rest of his life. He wasn't alone. There wasn't anyone in the world as powerful as him but there were plenty of other espers…and he didn't need them anyway. He had himself and he was fine. He didn't care if Fukuda didn't want to speak to him for whatever reason. He'd come back. He always did. He just…got like this…sometimes.
Suzuki didn't care either way.
Really Tadashi was the one being unreasonable. Suzuki didn't care if he ever spoke to him again. He didn't. Tadashi could rot for all he cared. He could drop dead and then…well he'd have to find another healer…and someone else to watch Son for Shigeko….and someone to help him with the thousands of tiny tasks that kept Claw running…and also someone to help him when he didn't understand something socially….and someone to keep all of his secrets for him…and also….
He…didn't need Tadashi…but he had his uses.
So then it was alright to want him to just…drop it. To drop whatever it was that was keeping him away. Suzuki had no idea. He hadn't done anything…well not that he could remember. Nothing that hadn't been done before…and Tadashi had stayed away from him then…or hit him. But they had been children then. Nobody hit him these days and nobody ever would….though part of him…wanted? Wanted. Wanted Fukuda to hit him so that things could reset between them….but he was a smarter than that…and also they were grown men and grown men did not have rolling around on the ground biting and scratching and punching and kicking fights. Sure he had to fight on occasion, and also he had to punish traitors, and also sometimes he just became so full of rage that he just had to hit someone…but he wasn't about to go and fight Tadashi like a child.
Especially over something that was just so…nothing.
He'd proved a point. That was all. If Fukuda couldn't handle that he was right, that it meant nothing when he…took certain actions, then that was his problem. Really it was. It was his problem and he was the one who needed to get over whatever this was and Suzuki didn't even care if he ever spoke to Fukuda Tadashi again…so there. Yes. He…got the distinct feeling that if Masami had been around then she would have said something along the lines of 'you're being ridiculous, Touichirou' or something like that and then he wouldn't have said anything because she was usually right…well he would have told her that she was wrong….but now, being who he was now, he wouldn't have said anything because it was such a gift to hear her voice…
He would have given anything to hear her voice again just once.
Even if it was to tell him that he was being ridiculous for missing Tadashi or kissing him or wanting to kiss him again or cleaning up the wrapping paper even though he knew that Shigeko would do this or folding the paper and stacking it up because he just needed to have something to do with his hands…and he was being ridiculous for folding this by hand because he had psychic powers and the first power that he had mastered had been his telekinesis and the only person who even came close to his skill was Shigeko and he just…kept on folding. He was alone and he was folding and the folding should have distracted him from how alone he was and he shouldn't have cared but he just kept on folding and folding and folding and…
And now he had a crane.
If he folded a thousand of them he would get a wish. Or so the story went, anyway, he had done it before and…well he had wished to rule the world and he was working towards it. That was what he had wished for out loud, anyway, and that was the one that had come true. When he and Tadashi had folded up all of those napkins…and if the restaurant hadn't wanted him to steal them then they should have locked their doors better…or just sold him the several thousand napkins he'd needed. He didn't know. He had been such a child then…well he'd been about thirteen or fourteen the last time he folded a thousand paper cranes. He had been smaller the first time…and he'd wished to find someone else in the world like him…and he had. Then again later when he'd been older and he wished for someone to like him…before he'd realized that he didn't need anyone but himself…and he had found someone who liked him. He had found Tadashi and later on Masami…and also Shigeko but she had to love him because she was his child. He had wished, when he had been older, to rule the world and now he was going to…though he doubted that his other wishes would come true. The unspoken ones. He doubted that he would ever truly understand himself or other people. He also doubted that he would understand why he felt the way he felt or wanted the things he wanted or why other people did the things they did…
He wasn't going to make a wish this time.
"Hi dad…are you trying to make a wish?" asked Shigeko. She had managed to, somehow, sneak up on him. She moved so quietly and her aura was everywhere and so bright…and also he'd been too deep into his own thoughts. He had to be more vigilant. He had to be more…just…he had to be less like what he had been and more like what he should have been…or something He didn't know. He wasn't the best at expressing himself and he never had been. This was the sort of thing that Tadashi was good at.
What was he up to right now?
"No. I'm just…cleaning up. What are you up to?" asked Suzuki. He knew that he should have left this to her but…he needed something to do. Something simple. Something…like this…and he needed to be alone. He wanted to be with her…he wanted to be with someone…but he knew that he should have been alone…
But then again this was Daughter.
She loved him and he loved her. She was the only person in his life who knew that he needed her. That was acceptable because she was his child and she needed him. Even though she was getting older, older enough to wear makeup and other such things he had imagined were reserved for adult women and not eleven year old girls, she needed him and he needed her and that…that was alright.
He needed her.
"Nothing. I was just seeing what you were up to in here. Did you have a good Christmas? Did you play Minecraft Story Mode yet?" asked Shigeko
"I haven't played yet….I haven't been able to focus. Here. Sit with me. I'll teach you to fold a crane." Said Suzuki. He didn't wait for her reply. He just pulled her down onto the floor beside him with his powers. She didn't resist. She just sat down next to him. Her dress made a crinkling sound as she sat. That was one of her new ones. She loved blue dresses that stuck out like that, like Masami's favorite dress had, and that was what he'd had made for her.
"I'll sit with you for a little bit…but you already taught me how to fold a crane. Remember? When I was eight?" said Shigeko
"Oh…yes. I remember. Were you trying to wish for something or did you just want to learn for the sake of learning?" asked Suzuki
"I was trying to make a wish…but don't ask me what I wished for. You don't want to know." Said Shigeko. Well that was certainly…cryptic. He couldn't think of anything at all that she could have wished for that he would have wanted no part in knowing of. He loved her and in loving her he loved every single part of her. Even the parts of her that she didn't like. Not that he thought of anything about her that she could have disliked. She was perfect…so perfect.
She was the most perfect person that he had ever met.
"I'm sure that whatever it is that you wished for I wouldn't mind. I love you and that means that I love everything about you." Said Suzuki. He still didn't much care for that word, love, but it was the one that she wanted him to use. Women were like that. Masami had been the same way…and he had thought that he had been better in telling her that he cared for her…but really he should have just done what she had told him to do.
Maybe if he had done as he had been told then she…wouldn't have felt the need to leave.
"Um….ok. I made two wishes. The first one was that Minegishi and me would be friends forever…and the second one was for…for…." Said Shigeko
"For what? Whatever it is that you wished for I'm sure that I could make it happen for you. I'm your father. That's my job." Said Suzuki
"I…it's not something that you or anyone else in the world can make happen." Said Shigeko
"I'm Suzuki Touichirou. I can do anything." Said Suzuki. He could do….a lot. He felt, often, that he could do anything but…well he could get her things and do things for her, and force people to like her if she had wished for someone's friendship, but if she wished for something like immortality or eternal youth or a rocket ship that she could pilot….well the last one was what he had wanted when he'd been her age….well there were some things in life that he just…could not give her….
But if she wished for something that he could give her then he would knock over the gates of hell to get it.
"….I wished for mom to come back…and I know that if you could make her come back then you would have a while ago…and I know that I'm not supposed to talk about her…and I know that you're mad at me so I'll just go and-" said Shigeko. She made a move to get up. He didn't let her. He grabbed her wrist. She was so small. Her wrist could fit right in the palm of his hand. His fingers could span the circumference of her arm. She was so small still….so small and so….
Not someone he could ever be angry with.
"No. Don't go." Said Suzuki. He had just gotten her. He could not lose her. He could not let her just get up and walk away. He had to keep her there because….what if she just…he had the most insane thought in that moment. Shigeko leaving. Shigeko leaving him. She couldn't leave him. She was only eleven. She was only eleven and…and she couldn't just get up and leave. She…had threatened to but…but he would never let her go.
Even if she tried to escape.
"Dad…please don't be mad at me." Said Shigeko. She said that but she did not sit back down. She was trying to get him to let go with her powers…and she was strong. When had she gotten so strong? She had always been strong but…well now it was effort to hold onto her…because she was trying to get away. Well he could not let her leave. She was his and she was never going to leave him.
Ever.
"I'm not angry with you. Now sit." Said Suzuki. He ordered her to sit but she didn't. She was still trying to pry his hand free with her powers…and now her other hand as well. She was so small. Her hands were still so tiny…so much of her was still so tiny. He wished…he wished that she had been even smaller. That she had still been small enough that he could have just picked her up and carried her away and never let her go…like when he had brought her home….when she'd been two…
But that had been almost a decade ago.
"If you're not mad at me then why are you hurting me?" asked Shigeko. Suzuki immediately let her go. She had red spots on her wrist where he had been holding her…and they may have been on their way to becoming bruises….but that may have been because of how pale her skin was. Snow colored. Just…she just…she was so pale and…and she was paler. She was paler in her arm…because he had been holding her much too tightly…
She was small. She could break.
"I…am so sorry. That was not my intention. Please, forgive me." Said Suzuki. She could leave him by walking out that door and she could leave him by breaking…and he could not hurt her. He would never hurt her. She was his. He was hers. He could never hurt her. He loved her more than anything and anyone else in the world.
She was his.
"It's ok, dad, you just…didn't know your own strength…and I shouldn't have mentioned mom. That was wrong of me." Said Shigeko. She…was right and she was wrong. He had no idea how one person could have been both correct and incorrect in the same sentence but she had. She just….she should not have been mentioning Masami…but she was also Shigeko. She could never be wrong about anything.
"That's….don't mention your mother. I don't know why you would mention her. You are her. I mean you are in her role…so don't mention her. I have no idea why you would mention her or think of her or want…to wish for her. A thousand paper cranes…is a great many paper cranes." said Suzuki. Masami was…and was not…worth a thousand paper cranes. She was his wife, she was…she had been…his most perfect person. He would have gladly folded her a million, a billion, a trillion paper cranes by hand if she had asked him to…but she hadn't asked him to. He had no idea what it was that he could have done to have kept her from leaving…because she hadn't asked anything of him…she had just left…
And he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forgive her for that.
"I know that a thousand is a lot and…I missed her back then…I missed her a lot." Said Shigeko. Suzuki brushed some hair from her face. She wasn't looking at him and her aura was pulled away from him…and he didn't know why. He didn't know why she was being like that and he didn't know why she just…she had just used the past tense.
"Missed? Past tense?" asked Suzuki
"I…miss her now but…she's been gone for a while. She's been gone for a while and…and now I have to be her and…and she didn't warn me about…stuff. I don't know. She's my mom and I love her but…but it's hard to love someone who's so far away. I'm sorry." said Shigeko
"….you're right." Said Suzuki
"What?" asked Shigeko
"About…loving someone who's far away. It can be very…difficult…to love someone who is…far away." said Suzuki. Masami was gone and he missed her every single day…and he cared for her…and he would have killed a thousand real cranes and folded them for her if it meant that she would have come back to him, but also…she had left him. She had left him and their family and…and she'd had no reason to leave. He had done everything that a husband, that a man, was supposed to do. He had put a roof over her head and food in her mouth and money in her pockets and children, well a child, in her womb but still she left. She left and she didn't even say why. She left and she didn't even say goodbye. She left and she didn't even say….anything at all to him….
At least Shigeko had said, before, why she would leave if she ever had cause to leave him.
Not that he ever thought that she would leave. No, she had stated her terms…which was more than Masami had ever done. She had acted like she had been fine when, in reality, something had gone wrong. He had been doing something wrong and…and when he made mistakes he needed to be told…when he was making them! Shigeko had always done that for him, like just now, she had told him that he had been hurting her and then he had stopped. If a child of not even twelve could tell him when he had done something wrong then why couldn't a woman, a grown woman, the woman who he had agreed to spend his life with-
He needed to calm down. Shigeko was quiet.
She was quiet and her aura was pulled in close. Something was bothering her. He had no idea what it was that was bothering her but he knew that it was something…and he knew that he might have been the something. She frightened so easily….and she had no reason at all to be frightened of him. He was her father. He loved her. He was hers and she was his and he would never have done anything to hurt…those were bruises on her wrist…
He would never have done anything on purpose to hurt her.
"You miss mom?" asked Shigeko. She asked that so quietly that he had barely been able to hear her. He had heard her and…well he was glad that she was not upset with him but….but she had just come out and asked him…something that he didn't know if he could even answer. He couldn't answer her…but he had to. He had to answer her because…..
Because she was his Daughter.
"….every day….but don't tell anyone." Said Suzuki. The words were like ashes in his mouth. How could he have SAID that to her? To his own Daughter? What she must have thought of him. Her own father. Her own father saying something so…weak…to her. Telling her that he thought every single day about a woman who had left him. About a woman who had just…just betrayed him. About a woman who had…who had taken everything from him. Everything and nothing. Something…intangible…which was everything and nothing. She had just….taken something from him…something that he wasn't sure if he could get back…something that….
That he wasn't even sure if he even wanted back.
"But…it's ok to miss her. She's your wife and she's my mom and-" said Shigeko. She was talking and she was making sense…if he had been any other man. But he wasn't any other man, he was Suzuki Touichirou, and he should have been better than that. He…if any other man had been in his shoes….if Tadashi had been in his shoes then….then he would have agreed with Daughter…but Tadashi was never going to be in his shoes. Nobody…he wasn't the first man to have had his wife leave him but…but it felt as though he was the only man in the entire world who had ever felt the way that he felt right now.
"No! Just…no. I'm supposed to be better than that. I am…a complete person on my own and…and I don't need to feel….this way." said Suzuki. She had taken something from him, Masami, and she…she never coming back. She was never coming back and she was never going to give it back and…and he shouldn't have needed it, all of it, back. Her and…and what she had taken.
"But dad…it's ok. People need other people. I need you-" said Shigeko
"You're my Daughter, you're supposed to need me." Said Suzuki. She could need him. She had to need him. As much as she was getting older, as much time that had passed since the day she became his, she was still young and small and she still needed him and she would always need him.
"And it's ok if you need me, too. I wouldn't mind. People need other people and family needs family and friends need friends." Said Shigeko
"You and I are not friends. We're family." Said Suzuki
"I know…and I know that we need each other." Said Shigeko
"….I…suppose that we do." Said Suzuki. Yes…what she said made sense…and he made sense…well he tried to so…so that meant that it all made sense. She was right. They were a family and they needed each other. They needed each other and…and maybe it was alright to be…to be this sort of person to her. To be the person who she needed…and maybe it was alright for him to need her as well. Maybe if…he needed her…then she would never leave….
She was Shigeko and she was incapable of leaving someone in need.
"And if we were the same age and stuff then we would have been friends. I would have made friends with you." Said Shigeko. She said it with so much confidence…and she could say it with confidence. She was right. She made friends so easily. She collected them.
"You make friends with everyone." Said Suzuki. She collected people like he, when he had been her age, collected videogame cartridges. She just collected people and put them up on her shelf and spent time with them when she needed them and put them back when she didn't. She had so many friends, like he'd had so many cartridges that he was able to pick them up and put them down…and he'd bought any he could have gotten his hands on without care…like her and her friends.
If they had been the same age he would have been one of many friends of her.
"I do…but I still would have wanted to have been your friend. If we'd been the same age." Said Shigeko
"I suppose that if we'd been the same age I would have enjoyed being your friend as well." Said Suzuki. Even if he had been one of many, just another friend in her collection, he would have bene happy to have been her friend. She…had a talent for it. Making friends. Making a person, even though they were just games on her shelf, feel like they were the only person in her entire world. Masami….she'd had the same talent…
But Shigeko was better at it.
"Would you have taught me how to do origami?" asked Shigeko. She smiled at him and passed him some more of the wrapping paper. Son had torn this. Shigeko never tore the paper like that. She went along the tape like he'd taught her to. Like his mother and father had taught him to.
"I thought that you already knew how to fold cranes." Said Suzuki. He would teach her again. He would teach her whatever it was that she wanted to know. She wanted…she wanted to learn from him and he would teach her…just like he learned from her. Whatever she felt like teaching him he would learn. That was how it worked in a family.
Family needed each other.
"I do…but just cranes." Said Shigeko
"Would you like to learn how to make a frog?" asked Suzuki. He knew how to fold just about everything…and he should have taught her before this day. He should have been a better father to her…but he could teach her now. Now he could teach her and she would be with him for the rest of the day.
It would be a good day….like Christmas….but better.
"That would be nice." Said Shigeko. She smiled and sat closer to him…and yes, those were bruises on her arm, and he made a point not to look at them. He had done that to her. He had done that to her even though she had done nothing to deserve it. She could never do anything at all to deserve something like that. She was not her brother. She was her own person and she was….she was his most perfect person…
Even though she wasn't that good, really, at folding up wrapping paper origami.
But that was alright. He was fully prepared to teach her. He was fully prepared to teach her anything that she wanted to know. How to fold a frog, how to rule the word, how to project her astral form from her body, how to hold down the Earth's crust to temporarily stop an Earthquake, how to…well how to do whatever it was that he could teach her. She was his Daughter after all, and she was a good student….
Unlike some people.
"Seriously?! Come on, big sis, I thought that you were coming with!" said Son. He managed to sneak up on him too. Son's aura was just…well it was less than Shigeko's but he was still very bright. That had been Suzuki's own fault again. He just…had been too much into what he had been doing….and he needed to stop that.
Especially if his own Son could sneak up on him like that.
"Oh…right! Dad…this is fun but we're having a Christmas party next door….so that's where me and Sho are going to go. I would have invited you but then I remembered that you don't like parties." Said Shigeko. Suzuki…he had no idea how much time had passed…but he did wish that she would stay. It didn't feel like enough time had passed but….well she had her own things to do. Things which did not involve him.
Things that he did not wish to involve him in.
"You're right. I do hate parties." Said Suzuki. The last thing he wanted to do was go to a party. Even if it was just a small one involving her friends. Well his friends…friend….friends since Serizawa was something of a friend too….he didn't want to go next door. But he would let her. He would let her because she just…this was what she was good at. She was good at making friends and he would not stop her.
He couldn't have stopped her if he had wanted to.
"So I'm just…going to finish getting ready to go. Ok? We can do this again later." Said Shigeko. She got up and hugged him…and then she walked away. He had expected her to walk out the door but instead she went to the bathroom….maybe to put on more makeup….or something. He didn't know.
All he knew was that she was gone.
"That's fine…goodbye…Shigeko." said Suzuki. She was still in the house, and she couldn't hear him, but he still said it…for lack of anything else. Now she was gone and he was all alone…well Son was there. Son was there and he was poking at the origami on the floor with his powers. He was there in his jacket like he was ready to go….and Suzuki didn't know why he didn't just go already.
He was just going over next door.
Or rather just a wall over. The British built their homes like that in an effort to conserve space. This was probably the sort of home that Son and his Wife would end up living in when he married her. She was from this city after all. She probably wouldn't have wanted a manor house like Shigeko wanted…though he had no idea what the girl would have wanted considering the fact that he had never met her. He had never met her and…and well he didn't know why he wanted to even meet her. She was Son's and he should have been grateful that his Son had even found a girl willing to hold his sticky fingers….
And Suzuki should have been grateful that he was even getting a Daughter in law…that is if he was still getting one….
"How did it go? With your girlfriend and that…ring…I mean." Said Suzuki. Son had been about to crush one of Shigeko's creations, that was why he had asked, and also…well maybe he cared just a bit about how this went. His Son was either on his way to spending his life with the most perfect person for him or he was on his way to his first heartbreak…and Suzuki…well he wanted to be informed at least. Someone else may have been joining the family after all.
Someone else who wore human teeth.
Someone who wore human teeth and dressed for combat even though this was not a warzone and who seemed to compliment the worst of his Son….but he did not get to pick his Son's wife. This was his most perfect person and Suzuki….for once he had no control…well he had never had any control, really, when he thought about it. When it came to this child. Shigeko had more control over her little brother than him….and if Shigeko thought that her little brother was making a good choice then he was not going to argue with her….
But he at least wanted to know how it went.
"Why do you want to know?" asked Son. Suzuki did not care for that at all. His Son should not have been questioning him….and he wanted to…do things that he knew that Shigeko would not approve of. He heard her watching something in the bathroom, one of her makeup things, and she would not have like being taken away from that to settle…things that she should not have had to settle.
"Because I am your father. Now tell me how it went." Said Suzuki. He was the father and Sho was the Son and he could ask his Son whatever he wanted to ask him.
"I didn't ask her yet. She's…busy…with Christmas stuff. I don't know. I might ask her on our anniversary or something." Said Son. He maybe should have said something….and he had no idea what to say. He wanted to tell his Son that he was happy for him…but also paradoxically he wanted to tell his Son that he was only eleven years old and was too young for that kind of commitment or rejection….
But he had no idea how to go about even beginning to say the things that were bouncing around in his mind.
"You should ask her on Valentine's Day. Women like that sort of thing." Said Suzuki. There. That was good advice….well he was too young for Valentine's Day…he was too young for all of this…but he had a girlfriend and that was more than Suzuki had ever imagined for his Son…so there.
"That's when our anniversary is. Valentine's Day." Said Son. Suzuki felt his eyebrows going up into his hairline…and maybe it was time for a haircut. That was easier to think about than….well Valentine's Day was the day that Son had been conceived…probably….
But his Son did not need to know that.
"Oh….I didn't know that." Said Suzuki. He wondered if that had anything to do with…probably not…or maybe yes? He had no idea how these things worked. He was already more involved in this than he knew how to be. His father had just told him not to get anyone pregnant or kiss Tadashi ever again….and did he…have to warn his Son about that? He…well he smelled terrible but…well he probably wasn't anywhere near that part of puberty yet….
And Suzuki did not need to go digging around into that area of his Son's life.
"Well now you do….anyway….I have to go to the party before Shimazaki eats all of the cookies. Later." Said Son. He didn't even wait for a goodbye, he just left, and Suzuki…he was grateful that his Son had left. He just…he had no idea what he was supposed to say about…anything. He wanted his Son to be happy but he also…he had no idea what he was even supposed to say.
They grew up so fast.
He had heard that old cliché over and over again…and it was true. That was why it was a cliché, because it was said so often, and it was said so often because it was the truth. Shigeko and Sho…they had been babies. He wasn't stupid, he knew that his children had been babies once, and he had even been there when Sho had been a baby. He had been so small and red and…and helpless…and now he was out there going to parties and having a girlfriend and thinking about getting married and just…it was like he had blinked and this had happened. Like he had blinked and his son had gone from baby to toddler….then to little boy….and now to slightly less little boy. A slightly less little boy who was living his own life and...and he didn't know how he felt about it…
Well he felt better about his Son having a little girlfriend than his Daughter doing…the things that she did.
"Bye dad, have fun at home!" said Shigeko as she left. She had…makeup on. She had on makeup and…and she was only eleven, not even twelve, and she just….had color on her eyes and lips and cheeks and…and he had no idea why she did that. He had no idea what made her want to do that. She wasn't old enough…well she was and…she was and she wasn't. She was getting older and this was normal and…and she would grow up whether he liked it or not…
Emphasis on the 'not'.
She had been so small when he'd met her…and now she was less small and…and he just…he focused on what he was doing. He focused on folding things until he didn't have anything else to fold. He folded until he forgot what he had been so upset…well he hadn't forgotten…but he just…was coming to terms with it. Well he'd come to terms with it already, Shigeko wearing makeup, and she had said that she had done it for fun…and it was for fun and not to meet anyone and…and she would meet someone but she wouldn't leave him and…
And he needed something to do.
He needed something to do…but he just didn't have the focus to do anything truly productive…so maybe something mindless. Something mindless and fun and…well not fun. Serious. It was serious work he did. He had serious work to do in a very serious way….seriously. He had no idea who he was justifying himself to…and maybe he shouldn't have justified himself because he was Suzuki Touichirou and he could do whatever he wanted to…but maybe he did because he was a grown man and grown men did not do these things…but….well….
He had been given gifts.
When someone gave you a gift then you used it…and he of course would use the gifts that Shigeko gave him. He liked…her…and she had given him games and therefore he could tell himself that this was alright…and he could silence the voice in his head…it sounded like am amalgam of himself and his parents for some reason…he wasn't doing anything wrong and that….was that! He just…he was….
He was Suzuki Touichirou and it was Christmas and Shigeko had been the one to give him the game so he was fully within his rights to enjoy it!
So that was what he did. He posted himself up in the living room with a glass of ketchup, a loaf of bread, and a very long documentary series about the history of the universe. His laptop was on his lap, his bread and ketchup were beside him, and the house was peaceful. It was…good. This was good. He felt…good. He could feel his children on the other side of the wall…and he felt how happy they were….Shigeko was happy. If she was happy then he was happy.
He really was.
He was happy and he was…he knew that he was nothing other than happy. He didn't reach out beside himself and…and wish that Masami had been there to tell him to change the channel already because she bored out of her skull…or that Tadashi had been beside him to trade facts about the universe….or that Shigeko had been there to look over at him and smile…and just….he was not lonely. He had no reason to be lonely. He just….had no reason to want to be with…other people. Family could need family but…well he had just spent time with Shigeko…and Masami was gone…and Tadashi was just his most trusted friend and…and he should have been happier on his own…and he was happy. He was happy to be alone and…and to have a peaceful house…and to figure out how to not die in this game…and Hatori would have been helpful in this situation….well Serizawa maybe as well…
But it was Hatori who's aura he could feel coming closer.
Now he wasn't so consumed by what he was doing that he didn't notice another aura coming closer. He could feel Hatori getting closer. First he moved on the other side of the wall…and then on the outside…and then there was a knock on the door. Suzuki…didn't feel like getting up. He swung the door opened. Hopefully Hatori would get the message….
He did.
He fell through the door. He fell in a crash and a….crinkle? Oh. He'd been holding a gift bag. Suzuki still didn't feel like getting up. He dragged Hatori over with his powers and sat him down on the couch. He had only done that because he was feeling…tired…and not because he was tired of looking over to the other side of the couch and finding it empty. That was all. He had just brought Hatori over for that reason and also...well Hatori did not seem well.
If Hatori thought that he was going to touch Suzuki's eyebrows again then he had another thing coming….and Suzuki didn't care how intoxicated he was.
"You haven't taken LSD again, have you?" asked Suzuki as Hatori settled into what seemed to be the most comfortable position possible for himself. Suzuki knew that he should have bee offended that he just thought that he could make himself comfortable…but he had no problem with Hatori settling in and getting comfortable so he said nothing. This was….he didn't want to be alone. It pains him to admit it but…well…he just did not want to be alone…
And now he didn't have to be.
"No…just eggnog…and I didn't let Shimazaki fuck with it…he loves fucking with me." Said Hatori. Suzuki cringed internally but said nothing. He so hated it when Hatori spoke like that. He didn't have to. It made him sound downright unintelligent….but Hatori was not his Son and he did not want to get into it with him….and also he couldn't even stop his own Son from talking like that…so maybe the best thing to do was just to let Hatori be.
"Why do you let him do these things to you?" asked Suzuki. Never in his life, this one or the next, would he understand why Hatori put up with so much from that man. Sure he was tall and strong…mostly muscle…and he could handle himself in a fight even without his powers…and he had a bigger body count than Suzuki…and also he could be downright sadistic in a fight from the mission reports he'd read…
"Because he's bigger and stronger than me…and also he can teleport." Said Hatori
"Fair enough. Is that what brought you here, you've had enough of Shimazaki?" asked Suzuki. Yes, Hatori was not a fighter…but that didn't matter. He had Suzuki to protect him now.
"No, he's mostly just hanging off of Minegishi right now…I think that they have another boyfriend or something. Anyway-" said Hatori
"Another boyfriend? Another? They had a boyfriend? And now they're committing adultery?" asked Suzuki. He didn't know what reaction he had expected to get but that one had not been it. Hatori pulled his sweater, some eye burning Christmas thing that lit up, over his head and laughed. He laughed until he was done, pulled his sweater down, looked at Suzuki, and then pulled his sweater back up and laughed some more.
If Suzuki lived to be a hundred years he was sure that he would never have stood a chance of understanding what it was with young people and marijuana.
"Ok…I'm done. Sorry it's just…I can't believe you like them! It's like…wow." Said Hatori. Suzuki…well if his control hadn't been so good then he would have sent Hatori into the wall and through to the other side. Hatori had…first of all there was no speculating on that part of his life. Tadashi was the only one who could speculate on that part of his life….and that was just because they had known each other for as long as they had. Second of all he did not LIKE Minegishi!
He just thought that they were an intelligent and nurturing woman and he was grateful that they were so good with his children and also they occasionally popped up in his sexual fantasies dressed as Maetel from the second Galaxy Express movie…but nobody need to know any of that!
"I do no 'LIKE' her…them! I do not like them….I was just…curious as to how their situation…functioned." Said Suzuki. He did not have feelings for Minegishi. He just valued them as a member of Claw, as a caretaker for Shigeko, and also despite their short lavender hair, lack of eyebrows and breasts, they were a very attractive woman once you stared at them for long enough. That was all. He had never had an idle daydream, while staring at them to get to their subtle beauty, about them being pregnant with a sibling for Shigeko and caring for the children…and he certainly never tossed another Son into the mix either…and certainly not two other Sons! And they did not, most certainly did not, live in his childhood home…and Minegishi was not dressed like Masami in that or any other fantasy that he may or may not have had!
"What? Minegishi has it going on. Everyone thinks so." Said Hatori. Suzuki….well of course other people felt that way. Minegishi was a very attractive woman when you stated at them for long enough…but Hatori…why had he been staring? She, they, were a very masculine woman but once you knew what to look for there was no mistaking them for a man. Especially when they wore that one white with the bouquet of roses being held by the skeleton hand…or the white one with the snowflake…especially the white one with the snowflake.
"They're a woman. Stop being interested in them." Said Suzuki. Hatori needed to only be attracted to people that he had a chance with…and even if Minegishi had been a man Hatori wouldn't have had the chance. No, he really needed someone more his speed…like Shibata. He was a very…domestic…sort of person. There…now he just had to figure out how to get them together….
"Oh right, I'm gay." Said Hatori. He looked towards the ceiling and rubbed the back of his head…and how did he forget that he was a homosexual? These weren't the sorts of things that were easily forgotten. Either he was attracted to women or he wasn't. There. Simple.
"Yes…how did you forget your sexuality?" asked Suzuki
"I don't know…it's a spectrum? And also I'm really drunk…and anyway Minegishi's seeing this other guy, Matsuo, well they didn't say that they were seeing him but they've been texting him all night and smiling and Shimazaki is in full on jealousy mode. Seriously, his eyes are so green-" said Hatori
"He doesn't have eyes…and by new boyfriend I'm assuming you mean Matsuo the spirit controller from the Seventh Division….they could do so much better." Said Suzuki
"See? You do like them. You like Minegishi, you like-" said Hatori
"I'm going to let this slide because you've been drinking and you're obviously too young to hold you liquor…eggnog. Now I'm going to uncover your mouth and when I do I want you to talk about something else. Anything else. Am I clear?" asked Suzuki. Hatori nodded and tried to talk. Suzuki pulled his hand away quickly. He did not want anyone else's saliva on him. The only person, well the only other man, who he would tolerate this from was Tadashi and that was only because they had already shared saliva a few times before.
"As crystal, nice crystal. Anyway I came over here to invite you to the party-" said Hatori
"Pass." Said Suzuki. Him, at a party? No. He could barely stand most of those people…and he hated parties anyway.
"You sure? It's not a big party and nobody's getting crazy…that crazy anyway." Said Hatori
"I said pass." Said Suzuki
"Alright…but here. I got you a Christmas present." Said Hatori. He passed Suzuki the gift bag that he'd been holding. It was glittery and red and green…sort of hard to look at…but that was what he did. He held it and he looked at it…and he was no stranger to getting Christmas presents, the children had gotten him a hand drawn card and other things, but this…was not an obligation gift from family and…and he couldn't remember the last time that he'd gotten a gift from someone who wasn't family….and he had to say something…
"Thank you." Said Suzuki. That came out in English…and he had no idea why. Maybe because he felt younger…and he'd spoken it more when he'd been a child since mother had insisted…but he'd said his thanks and that was what mattered. He'd said what he needed to say and now…well now he had a gift bag in his hands….
"You have to take the paper off. Here-" said Hatori as he reached over and tried to pull off the white paper. Suzuki pulled the gift back. This was his and he could…he could open this…and he would open this…and he was going to open this right now.
"I can do this." said Suzuki. He moved the paper out of the way and felt inside the bag. He had made a game of it when he'd been a small child, shaking the boxes and wondering what was in them, but this was a bag and he just felt around and…something cloth. Soft. Very soft. He felt and felt but then, once he'd gotten bored, and Hatori looked like he was about to have a heart attack, he pulled out….
A shirt.
"Keep going. There's two in there." said Hatori. He did not make false claims despite the fact that he was clearly very drunk. There, inside the bag, was another shirt….and also a pair of pants. He just…well clothing was a good gift. Clothing was practical but it was also….not intimate but…well he always wore the same thing and that was because he had found the perfect combination of shirts, pants, socks, and underclothes years ago and he'd stuck to it….and also these were t-shirts and one did not wear shirts without collars…mother had said so….
But he love this shirt.
"I love this…"said Suzuki so quietly that he was barely able to hear himself. That was…wow. They still made Space Invaders t-shirts…and he'd wanted one when he'd been small….and mother had said 'no' because t-shirts were undershirts….and she had been very firm on that but…well….she was dead….and this was…he was Suzuki Touichirou and he would wear whatever the hell he wanted to…not that he had any idea when he would ever wear this shirt…or the matching pants. Soft and comfortable…like the ones people slept in…
He always slept in his suit pants.
It was just more efficient. He hadn't worn pajama pants since…well since Masami had made him. He had just preferred to save time in the mornings…but…well he liked soft things and he liked this gift…and also when someone gave you a gift you used it…and he would get use out of this shirt and these pants…and the other shirt too…it was red and he loved red…and somehow Hatori had figured out that he loved red…
Though he had never been a fan of shirts with words on the front.
"You like this one too, right?" asked Hatori as he held up the red shirt.
"I don't age, I level up…" read Suzuki. That was English…so it must have come from here…and he wasn't a fan of words on clothing but he did like red…and soft things…and also these shirts did not have tags at all…Hatori had gotten him shirts without tags and…well….if he hadn't been young enough to be Suzuki's Son then he would have kissed him.
"Yeah, because you like videogames and you're so old…not that you're old….you're just old enough to be my dad….well you're older than my dad actually…he would have been I mean…" said Hatori. He was looking down at his hands now and his aura, what little aura he had, was all pulled in…and Suzuki…well he wasn't a fan of words on clothes but he was even less of a fan of Hatori getting….like this.
"Yes. I like red and I like soft things without tags. Thank you. I haven't gotten you anything….well aside from your Christmas bonus…but thank you." Said Suzuki. He reached over and patted Hatori on the back. He looked up and smiled but it did not reach his aura…and Suzuki…he was not at all a fan of Hatori getting like this…
Not a fan at all.
"I'm glad you liked it….I mean I knew that you would…I mean…Merry Christmas." Said Hatori. He was speaking quietly and looking down at his hands…and playing with some of the tinsel on his sweater and…well Hatori was normally good company but now…well now he was acting like a child and….well Suzuki knew how it felt. When it hit you. That you were alone in the world. He knew what it was like and…and he did not want to think about it.
What it was to be alone in the world.
What it was to know that you would never see them, your parents, the people who you had known since the day that you'd been born ever again. That another day, a holiday even, had passed and they had passed too. That you would never have to sit there as your mother took far too many pictures. That your father would never order you to be grateful again, when you didn't show sufficient gratitude, and even though you hated it…you missed it as well and…and you'd outlived both of them…
And you were the reason that they weren't there anymore.
Suzuki didn't want to think about this. He didn't want to think about this…or talk about it and…and he just…he needed something…he felt the tissue paper under his hand. There. Hatori was too drunk to deal with anything complicated…and this wasn't so complicated. Not really. He had been able to do this since he'd been a small child and….well if a three year old could master it, and his own children as well, then Hatori would be able to master it as well.
And if not…well the frustration would pull him out of…the sinkhole of sadness that he had gotten caught in.
"Hatori, watch me. I'm going to teach you how to make a crane." Said Suzuki as he picked up a piece of tissue paper and began to fold it by hand. Hatori was watching him in rapt fascination, fascination that his own Son had never watched him with, and it was…nice. This was nice. Enjoyable. He…could enjoy this. He would enjoy this…for as long as it lasted. The day was almost over. The day was almost over and it would be December twenty sixth and…well the day would pass but he wouldn't be alone….he had someone beside him. Hatori may not have been one of his children but…well he was a child and he as good company…and he wanted to learn how to fold a paper crane…and Suzuki would teach him.
He didn't care how many trees would have to die for his to spend time like this with Hatori…with his friend.