A/N: First off, thank you every for faving/following/commenting it means a lot! But boy can I be long winded, this chapter is a bit lengthier. Sorry in advance, don't hate me.

"Dad! We have to go we're gonna be late!" Noah shouts to the back of the apartment in an attempt to hurry Rafael along.

The morning has certainly been a hectic one, Liv was originally supposed to be the one to take Noah to school had gotten a call at 6:30 that required her to leave as soon as she could. In her haste to leave Liv failed to call Lucy, not remembering until she was nearly out the door, leaving her no choice but to wake Rafael, who had intended on sleeping in some that morning.

"¡Sí, sí, sí hijo voy a ir!" Rafael shouts right back rushing down the hall with his suit jacket half on, to go coffee mug in hand, and a briefcase hanging from one arm. (yes, yes, yes I'm coming.)

Raf stops just steps from his waiting son, sets his coffee and case on the floor and pulls his other arm through his suit jacket. Patting his pockets Rafael checks for his phone, keys, and wallet, feeling each item he grabs his coat and looks to Noah.

Seeing Rafael finally ready Noah rolls his eyes before letting out a dramatic, "let's go!"

With that they are out the door and down the stairs as fast as their feet will take them. When they hit they fresh morning air Rafael glances at his watch for the first time that morning, it's only 7:45, they have 30 minutes to get to the school that's a 15 minute walk from their building.

"Oye compay, we have plenty of time, I could have had a whole cup of coffee before we left the house." Not that he is annoyed, he will get some coffee with at least one espresso shot on his way to work.

Noah just shrugs adding, "I don't know, it just felt like we were going to be late. And you were taking a really long time."

Rafael smiles at his son, a child's logic can't be beat.

Having hustled themselves out the door and for the first part of their walk father and son make it to school with plenty of time to spare. The school yard is crowded with children running and yelling, and with parents handing them off for the day. Stepping through the gate and onto the school grounds Rafael bends down to get to eye level with Noah before pulling him into a hug.

"Have a fun day at school kiddo, learn lots of stuff okay? I don't know what time I'm coming home tonight, but it should be before bedtime." Rafael prepares to hoist himself back to a standing position, hands on his knees, but waits until Noah says goodbye as well.

"I hope you get home in time to read to me, I want to find out who opens the chamber of secrets!" Noah has been on the edge of his seat reading the second book in the Harry Potter series with his dad.

Huffing out a small laugh Rafael stands, "I want to find out too, I'll see you later, love you."

Having already turned and started walking away Noah calls over his shoulder, "love you!" almost as an afterthought.

Setting off to work Rafael gives thought to how much his routines have changed in the recently. He has gone from being an overworked prosecutor to being unemployed and now to being a dad taking his son to school on his way to a job that was full and challenging but not in any way the same as being an ADA. He decides he likes this routine best out of all of them.

Lunchtime rolls around and Olivia calls Raf up to check his plans, he is still hunched over his computer transcribing some rather poorly written notes when he answers. Liv tells him she has some time to actually take for lunch and will come by his office so they can go out to eat together.

"Alright text me when you get here, bye love," he ends his phone conversation with Olivia.

A newer co-worker, Brandi, is passing by as he hangs up and she leans on his door frame, "was that your partner just now?"

Rafael has the habit of referring to Olivia as his partner because he thinks girlfriend is sophomoric, not to mention insufficient, to describe their relationship. He supposes he could use significant other but that seems stuffy to him for some reason and so he has settled on partner.

Barely looking up, "yes, we are going to meet for lunch."

The climate at Joyful Heart is so much more open and friendly than anything Rafael is used to. He is trying to find a happy medium for himself to settle on and not seem cold and sharing virtually nothing, to oversharing, though he doubts that would ever happen.

"Any chance they will come up and say hi, I'm sure the gang would love that." Brandi is probably right, everyone in the office was exceedingly friendly and loved to put a face to a name.

Looking at her this time Rafael gives a half smile and says, "I will ask."

Olivia texts him when she arrives and he makes his request for her to come up and meet everyone then. Liv agrees so Raf tells her to come right up to the third floor and come right in, his office is in the hallway to her left, the first door on the right.

Following his instructions Liv is at his door in no time.

She peeks into his office, all he can see of her is her head hanging sideways her hair cascading down. A smile the brings out his crows feet behind his glasses brightens his face and he stands stretches his mouth at seeing her.

"Hi, I wasn't sure how your case was going to go today, did you catch a break?" Rafael approaches her for a quick kiss that he plants on her cheek.

"Mmm, yes, this one seems blessedly easy. Open and shut, I have Fin taking the lead so I can catch up on paperwork. The joys of being in command just never seem to end." Olivia notices that they seem to be alone for the moment and drops a chaste kiss to his lips before stepping away.

Rafael leads Olivia to the break room where everyone typically gathers, this happened to be the typical time for lunch in the office anyway and people were doing their best to bring packed, healthy lunches. It is a daily struggle that is often lost by at least one member of staff.

Stepping in first Rafael stops just a couple of paces into the room with Olivia hanging behind him, "hey everyone I would like you to meet my partner, Olivia Benson," by now Liv has stepped up to stand beside him.

With a small wave she looks over the crowd, the part of the foundation Rafael works in is a team consisting of 12 people including him. The team leader stands to introduce herself, "Very nice to meet you Olivia, Rafael always speaks very highly of you. My name is Mariska." (I know, I just can't help myself.) the woman and Olivia shake hands with one another which in turn starts a trend of the same behaviour from each of the others at the table.

Once everyone has introduced themselves Olivia and Rafael step out not before he lets them all know he expects to return in about an hour.

As the couple arrives at Liv's crown vic Rafael seems to be puzzled about something, "did some of them seem kind of, I don't know, surprised or something when they saw you? Or am I imagining things?"

"No honey, I saw it too. They kept looking back and forth between us. I think I know what it is though." Olivia is smirking over the top of the car before ducking into it.

Following her lead Rafael bites, "And that would be…?"

Chuckling she turns to him, "they thought you were gay."

"Excuse me? What makes you say that?" He isn't offended, just a bit shocked.

"I'm telling you, the way they looked at you and I, it's because they thought you were gay." Olivia insists, "Do you always refer to me as your partner?"

He nods and she makes a hand motion, as if to say "there you go then."

"Well, what else am I supposed to call you? My girlfriend? Please, it would sound so juvenile." He argues.

"It's a vague term, and then there is the way you dress," Olivia speculates.

Affronted Rafael asks, "what's wrong with the way I dress?"

Liv pulls out into traffic to begin the drive to lunch, "Nothing hun, you dress very well, probably better than most men. Besides I love the way you dress it is incredibly attractive."

Raf looks down at his clothing briefly smirking, "it's the suspenders that do it for you, isn't it?"

Letting out a lyrical laugh Olivia nods, "oh yeah baby," she sends a wink his way.

The next week goes by as normal, each of them going through the motions on autopilot with the level of normalcy they all experience. The weekend isn't anything out of the ordinary either.

The following Wednesday Noah has two doctors appointments that will keep him out of school for the day and Olivia home from work.

The day before had kept Olivia at work interviewing witnesses in her current case so Noah and Rafael had been on their own for dinner. The meal had turned into somewhat of a negotiation between the two with Noah refusing to eat his vegetables and Rafael refusing to give in about making him. When Liv finally arrived home at about half seven the two were still in a standoff at the dinner table.

Olivia had a long enough day without having to deal with them so she let Noah off the hook sent him off to start his night time routine. Naturally this upset Rafael so each family member had gone to bed grumpy Tuesday night.

Still grumpy on Wednesday the trio is mostly silent when they ready themselves for the day.

Rafael, who has a big day ahead of him, doesn't want to be distracted by any further arguing gets through his morning process as fast as he can.

Rafael stops to say goodbye to Olivia, "bye Liv, text me after his appointments so I know everything checks out fine." Giving her a polite kiss on the cheek he steps away.

The only response he gets from Liv is, "good luck today."

Stopping in Noah's room Rafael gives his son a hug and a kiss saying he will see him tonight and he is off.

Shaking his head, trying to clear out any lingering aggravation, Rafael makes his way to city hall where he will be having meetings with Senators and their aids, conferences with other advocates and interested parties involved with blocking any restrictions to sexual assault treatments in state or city owned hospitals, all while preparing to testify at a hearing. It is going to be a very long day indeed.

The first stop he makes on his way to work is to a coffee shop to refill the mug he has finished since leaving the house. From there Rafael takes an Uber to city hall, checking for any new emails that he has along the way.

He arrives at 8:45, two meetings and four and a half hours later it is about 1:15 and Rafael thankfully has a 20 minute break before he needs to make his way anywhere else. He rushes to the bathroom to relieve himself after all the coffee he has already consumed.

At the sink washing his hands Raf hears a commotion that sounds as though it is coming from the floor below, in the main entrance area, and suddenly he is on edge. Not sure why until a few more moments go by and the cacophony settles in his ears and Rafael knows what it is.

There is screaming and very loud noises, and Raf knows without question that there is a shooter that has entered the building. Cursing himself for his bad timing, even if there is no way he could have known, Rafael tries to keep his breathing slow and even. His phone is all he has on him, but it is all he needs.

Steadying his shaking limbs he walks over to the stalls as calmly as he can. Choosing the one furthest from the door Rafael locks the door behind him. Mind racing he is having trouble deciding if he should lock each door so it doesn't look as suspicious that there is only a singular locked stall or keep things as they are now.

Rafael's hands are sweaty and feel like they're falling asleep so he opens and closes them a few times before thinking he will lock as many doors as he can before it sounds like the shooter might be getting close.

Dropping to his knees and then belly he crawls his way to the adjacent toilet before lifting to his knees securing the lock and continuing onto the next one.

Rafael has made it through three of the five stalls when a sudden loud noise stops his heart in his chest. His phone volume is still on, he hadn't noticed yet because he hadn't received any notifications other than emails and didn't even think anything of it. Horrified Raf lays perfectly still save for the arm he cautiously reaches down to his pocket. Then he moves quickly, sliding up the quick menu bar he switches the do not disturb option on and exhales a long breath.

Clutching his phone in a sweaty grip all he wants is to finish what he is doing so he can sit and wait this out. Rafael thinks he may even pray.

Without any more interruptions he has the final door locked and drags himself to the toilet seat, sits and pulls his feet up.

Barely a minute has passed but to Rafael it feels like it's been an hour, and likely all those inside listening to the terror of their situation.

Rapid fire shots are getting louder to Rafael's ears and he's sure the gunman has moved his way up to the second floor, this floor.

Putting his head against his knees Rafael remembers the phone he has locked in a tight grip, hitting the home button he checks to see what the notification had been. It's his coworker, Brandi, who has accompanied him today, she is checking in on him, how he is doing.

R: Okay, locked in bathroom. Everyone in there, how are you all? He texts back.

Her reply is swift, B: oh thank god, all good for now. Barricaded ourselves in. It's getting closer now.

R: I know

B: stay safe, I want to see you on the other side of this thing okay?

R: you too.

The shooting is so close now Rafael convinces himself he can feel the reverberations of each shot. The screaming has stopped, but that isn't any comfort, it just means everyone is hiding and trying to keep their location quiet.

Rafael's blood is pumping so hard and fast it rivals the sound of gunfire to his ears. Or it did until he hears the door the bathroom being thrown open. The shooter, whoever they are, steps in breathing hard.

A heavy, metal sound pings on the floor and Rafael really hopes it is the sound of an empty magazine clip. His eyes are squeezed shut and he isn't going to open them to check things out, afraid he might end up meeting this maniacs gaze as he looks for his next victims.

Another step, more labored breathing and then gunshots rip through the air. Everything is happening in slow motion. Rafael hears them cut through the metal of the stall doors before all he is aware is hot, searing pain.

He knows now is not the time to react in any way, clamping his jaw tight he manages only a quiet hiss and minimal movement. As the door opens once more and the gunman leaves Rafael lets his gaze drop to take inventory of his wounds, knowing this could be counterproductive if the awareness of them sends him into shock. He doesn't feel he has much of a choice though, he has no idea how long he is going to be stuck here.

Rafael sees a lot of blood spreading its way along his shirt and finds the origin at his right shoulder where there is frayed fabric. A steady stream of blood seeps from the wound down his arm to the bend of his elbow where it drips to the floor into what is quickly becoming a significant pool of red. As the pool grows it begins to take the path of the grout in between the tiles. For a moment the movement mesmerizes him. That is until a terrible stinging along his left forearm distracts him. Rafael sees another tear in his suit jacket, this path longer, but only a graze.

Breathing deeply Rafael does his absolute best to stay calm. Dropping his feet to the floor Rafael moves his left arm, it's then that he notices he still clutches his phone.

Stopping he stares at it. All Rafael can think for the next few moments is the argument he had with Noah and Liv last night and his cold departing words this morning. All he wants right now is to have told them he loves them, that eating vegetables doesn't matter that much if it means he didn't have to fight with his son. He wants to hold them close and make sure they know they are his world. At the same time Rafael thanks god they aren't here, part of this danger he is facing.

Clicking the home button to illuminate the screen so he can text them what he is feeling Rafael sees notification after notification fill his screen. Olivia's name is the most prevalent among them but he sees his mother's, Brandi, Amanda, Fin, and Carisi's names there too.

Sliding one of Olivia's texts to the right to open it he decides to speak with her first, the others could wait.

O: Pulmonologist said Noah's lungs sound good he is all clear. On our way to the dentists now.

O: Raf what's going on the whole squad texted asking about you? They haven't answered me yet.

O: Raf oh my god. Are you safe? Where are you? Please answer me if you can.

O: I love you so much, okay? Please don't forget that. I love you Rafael Barba with every fiber of my being.

O: Please be okay, Noah and I left the dentist we are waiting for you at the precinct, we need you to meet us here, can you do that for us? Please?

I'm so scared and I don't know what to tell Noah but he knows something is wrong. I wish you were here, I wish I could comfort you, I wish I had kissed you before you left this morning and told I love you. I need more time with you baby.

The last one was a minute ago. Rafael moves to text her back struggling slightly with only his left hand and the blood that now covers his fingers. The screen is starting to smudge and the touchscreen is having more and more trouble recognizing his fingers through the blood.

R: Shooter sounds far away. Can't hear much. You have SWAT update?

He doesn't have time to speak in full sentences and wants to reassure her by responding without giving her false hope and at the same time avoiding telling her he is hurt. Rafael also wants an idea of what to expect next.

The bubble with three flowing dots pops up in seconds

O: They are covering all exits and doing a soft breach, they should be entering the building any minute now. Are you hurt? Where are you?

Rafael has lost track of how much time has passed since this all began. There is a lot of blood, and it doesn't look like it's going to stop anytime soon. There isn't much he can do to put pressure on it though, his right arm is useless and he doesn't actually think he could put enough pressure with his left to do any good.

There is now a river of his blood all the way to under the sinks on the opposite wall. Rafael plans to answer Olivia and then unlock the stall door to at least get some paper towels and try to do something about the bullet hole in his shoulder.

R: I am in a bathroom second floor. Can't talk anymore

He feels badly leaving things like that but it's the best he can do right now. Rafael stands on wobbly legs and slides the lock open as quietly as he can. As the stall door swings open he catches it before it can make any sound. Stepping out into the bathroom he sees his reflection, there really is a lot of blood. Stumbling forward he looks to the paper towel dispenser, it is going to make a lot of noise if he uses it, he knows he can't take that chance.

Resigning himself to waiting for help Rafael slides down the far wall to sit on the floor. Taking in his surroundings Rafael can't help but think someone is going to have a hell of a time cleaning this bathroom later. Then he remembers just why that is and a feeling of complete and total terror freezes him. There are likely people dead out there, plenty hurt.

Rafael can't hear anything at the moment, he can't decide whether that's good news or not. Leaning his head back on the wall he thinks once more of his family. Rafael holds in his tears the best he can. Taking his phone back into his hand Rafael swipes the screen against his pant leg to remove as much blood as he can.

Deciding to funnel his thoughts entirely through Liv he simply unlocks the phone to their open conversation.

O: why can't you talk? What's going on? Has SWAT reached you yet? They're in now.

O: Rafa I love you.

R: I love you too nena, and Noah. Let him know okay? And will you call my mother? Fill her in? No SWAT yet.

His tears are steady now, he knows he has worried her greatly at this point. Rafael doubts his injuries are life threatening but he doesn't know how much blood he has lost or how much longer he will have to wait for medical attention. They need to know he isn't mad at them.

R: Tell Noah I'm not upset about the vegetables I did the same thing at his age.

His hand is very shaky and there are tears blurring his vision but thinks he is getting his messages out correctly. Clearing his cheeks of tears Rafael doesn't realize he is merely smearing blood over them. Every so often Rafael wipes his screen off to rid it of any blood.

The three dots are running at the bottom and he blinks his tears away so he can see the response.

O: Why Rafael? Why do I need to talk to your mom? Please talk to me. Baby why do I have to tell Noah you love him and you aren't mad? Can't you do that yourself once they clear the building? Please tell me you can do that.

R: I'll do my best.

He hits send before he is really ready to but his energy is getting low.

There is a sudden burst of noise, shouting followed by a volley of gunfire. It must be SWAT taking the shooter down Rafael thinks.

Things are starting to get very woozy for him and is doing his best to keep his eyes open. Rafael hopes help comes soon.

Looking down at his phone Rafael sees a barrage of messages. He can't answer, he just drops his phone to the floor.

Noah is sitting on the couch in his mother's office. No will tell him anything but they left the dentist really quickly and came to the precinct right away so he knows something is wrong.

Olivia gave Noah headphones and the iPad and started a movie to distract him while she dealt with things with Rafael. She needs to hold it together for the sake of their son but Liv is having more and more trouble the longer this goes on.

It's been twenty minutes since she got the call and ten since her and Noah arrived at the office. Liv is pacing the bullpen waiting for a response from Rafael. Three minutes later her phone pings with a text.

R: Shooter sounds far away. Can't hear much. You have SWAT update?

Olivia feels all her breath leave her lungs, he answered. Her emotions are starting to get the best of her, however. Giving the update to the squad she excuses herself to her office.

Liv leaves the door open so her team feels comfortable coming in and sits herself next to Noah. Turning she presses a kiss to his head and takes a deep breath in through her nose.

Adjusting himself to look at his mother Noah sees how upset she is, it reminds him of how she looked after grandma Sheila took him away. Now he is absolutely sure something is wrong.

Noah pushes his headphones back so they hang around his neck, "what's wrong Momma?"

His voice is so sweet and innocent Olivia thinks.

"What makes you think something is wrong Noh?" A feel of dread has settled in Olivia's stomach and it only worsens as she thinks about having to explain everything to her son.

"You look sad," Noah supplies. "Like with Grandma Sheila."

"Oh my sweet boy, come here," Liv lifts Noah so he is sitting on her lap. "Everything is going to be fine, you understand?"

She feels Noah go rigid in her arms and his hands fist the material of her shirt, but he nods.

"You remember how Daddy had to go to city hall today?" Another nod. "Well there is someone there right now who is very bad, who wants to hurt people, and they are trying to hurt a lot of them, as quick as they can." Olivia swallows in an attempt to be strong for Noah.

Noah leans away so he can look at Olivia's face, it's clear, even to him, that she is on the verge of tears.

"Are they going to hurt Daddy?" Tears are collecting in his eyes and are fast threatening to fall.

Olivia pulls her lips into a thin line and shakes her head, "I don't know sweetheart I'm trying to talk to him." She pushes some curls out of his face and looks in as he begins to cry.

R: I'll do my best

That was the last thing he had sent her and she hasn't heard anything from him since. With Noah now crying Olivia breaks down herself, tears rolling down her cheeks silently.

Mother and son hold each other crying with one another, not knowing what will happen next. A few minutes pass with only sniffles and crying between the two before Amanda bursts through the door.

"Liv, they took-" her eyes dart to Noah, "the guy down! They're starting to clear the building. Try giving Barba a call, he might be able pick up by now."

Clearing her throat twice Olivia nods and grabs at her phone. She shifts Noah to move him off of her and he only holds on tighter.

Amanda notices, "come here sweetie, I'll keep a holda ya while Momma calms your dad okay?" She nods her reassurance at him but he is still reluctant, "we won't go anywhere, promise."

It's clear Noah doesn't really want to be out of his mother's arms but he acquiesces, moving to Amanda instead.

Liv stands immediately and dials Rafael.

Nothing. Straight to voicemail.

She calls again.

Nothing.

She has a hand over her mouth trying to muffle her sobs but it's no good.

Noah begins to cry in earnest now, "Momma?"

Olivia paces shaking her head and holds a finger up to let Amanda know she needs a moment.

Panicking now Noah does his best to get out of Amanda's arms, leaning away and reaching for his mother, "Momma! Momma!"

He is crying too hard to get too much more out.

Looking at Amanda Olivia is breathing heavily, "who do we know that's at the scene?"

Her detective seems shell shocked at the events taking place too and, wide eyed, shakes her head uselessly.

Stepping forward Olivia takes Noah back into her arms and leaves her office, she locates Fin quickly, "Fin! Who do we know that's at the scene?"

When he doesn't answer instantaneously she shouts, "who do we know!?"

It's Carisi that answers, "a couple of our uni's are there, uh," He snaps his fingers, it's obvious he is shaking, "Antoli, Glover, and Wizansky."

She levels her gaze to her two detectives and Sargent who have gathered in front of her, "call them. All of them, until you reach someone. Second floor bathroom, report any information to me as soon as you have it."

Olivia spins on her heel and strides back to the couch in her office where she drops down heavily.

Rocking them back and forth for both their comfort Olivia is whispering to Noah over and over as he cries, "everything is going to alright." And, "I love you."

Fin walks in seconds later, phone to his ear, "what's your location officer?"

A pause.

"I need you on the second floor, check the bathrooms, you're looking for Rafael Barba."

Pause.

"I don't know what his condition is, we can't make contact."

This pause is longer and Olivia's tears are slowing as she waits for the news. She sees Fin nod and his mouth moves and then he stops again.

"Where are they taking the vics?" Fin asks, "Mercy, got it, thanks Wiz." Ending the call Fin focuses on his friend. "He has eyes on him, flagging down paramedics too. They'll be taking him over to Mercy."

Standing on shaky legs Olivia knows she is in no shape to be driving. Fin motions for her and Noah to follow him.

Once she begins moving again Olivia's mind catches up a bit, "Fin? How…" she can't bring herself to finish asking about how Rafael is doing.

She is staring at the back of his head and sees it slowly move side to side, he doesn't know.

"Mommy?" Noah's watery eyes bore into his mother's.

"I know baby, we will see Daddy soon." She hopes.

A/N: Duh duh duhhh, lol jkjk. I have the next chapter started, promise not to leave you hanging for too long.

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