A/N: I'm back baby! Please do enjoy, I will be working to get the next chapter up as soon as I can.
Amanda and Sonny saw the lieutenant and sergeant leaving and followed behind, vowing to be there for their friend.
Taking two cars they flip the lights and sirens on and start making their way to the hospital as fast as the traffic in the city will allow for.
Olivia sits in the back of Fin's car, she doesn't want part from Noah who certainly feels the same way. They clutch onto each and sit in quiet contemplation hoping against hope that everything is okay, that they are worrying for nothing.
The streets are overflowing with cars, bikes, pedestrians, whatever could be on the roads seems to be there. This is only compounded by the chaos around city hall and the swarm of emergency vehicles in and out of the area. There is also all the spectators and people attempting to find loved ones or anyone they may have been separated from in the mayhem. All of it is torture to navigate through.
With each passing second that she is not in the hospital, that she is left wondering about Rafael, Olivia is finding it harder to breathe.
Rafael's head is pointed to the ceiling when the door opens once more. He flinches hearing it. Before he brings his head down to see what it is this time he hears someone speaking.
"Barba?"
His eyes come to rest on the face of a uniformed officer with a phone to his ear.
His mouth feels dry so he nods in a disjointed fashion with a mighty effort. The officer is gone upon the affirmation of his identity.
Rafael feels panic prick at him. He wants to call out, tell him not to go, he wants to tell him that he is scared and doesn't want to be alone, not right now.
Before he can consider much more the officer returns to the room and in three long strides is standing over him, removing his jacket.
Wiz drops to his knees and pushes the jacket hard against the weeping wound on Rafael's shoulder.
"Ahh!" A hot pain lances down Barba's right arm and he feels more awake now.
Wizansky has always dreaded having to do this for someone. He feels blood seeping through the jacket to his hands very quickly.
"It's okay Mr. Barba you're going to be okay." Wizansky makes sure to keep pressure applied while he stays by the vic- the man in front of him, "help is on the way, everything will be fine." He hopes he sounds reassuring.
It doesn't matter much because as soon as the words are out of his mouth paramedics burst into the room a stretcher between them. It is wheeled as close to Barba as they can get it and dropped low.
With blinding speed Rafael feels himself being transferred from floor to stretcher then hurtling through scenes of chaos before he can process much of it Rafael is the back of an ambulance. Doors slam shut and the vehicle starts moving it's way to the hospital.
There is a bag of O neg hanging above him and Rafael can see the blood running through the tubing and presumably into his body. The EMT over him begins to ask him questions.
"Sir do you know your name?" There is no emotion to speak of in his voice.
"Rafael Barba," He croaks out.
"Good, that's good." The man isn't looking at Rafael, rather he is working, "you're going to be taken to Mercy General, you're going to have to have surgery I'm afraid."
The EMT has cut through Rafael's jacket and shirt on both arms to tend to his wounds. He has treated his left arm, cleared the area and stitched it up, the bleeding there had already stopped.
"You've lost of blood, but you're in good hands and we will be at the hospital soon." The man over Rafael supplies, he looks quickly to the front of the vehicle assessing things, "in about four minutes. I need you to try and keep your eyes open for me, do you think you can do that?"
Rafael feels so tired, and now that it's been mentioned all he wants to do is close his eyes.
"I think so." He keeps his answer short.
"Tell me about yourself."
Rafael manages a pained smile, "what is this our first date?" He snorts, "only the second worst one I've been on."
This gets a smile out of the paramedic above him, "so you're a funny guy huh? I don't think I want to know about that worst one then."
"No I don't think you do." Grimacing Rafael keeps talking to distract himself, "well if we are going to date I'm going to need to know about you too, what's your name?"
"Nessim, sir." Still he doesn't make eye contact, "are you married?"
He been doing his best to keep his mind away from Olivia and Noah and what they must be feeling right now, but Rafael couldn't fault Nessim for keep the conversation going.
"Not yet," he says, "I'm not sure how she feels about marriage to be totally honest."
"Well, once you recover from all this you can ask her." Nessim tells him smiling at one corner of his mouth. "What's her name?"
"Olivia, she and our son are the most important things in my life." Thinking about the possibility, no matter how small it might be, that he may never tell them that again hurts.
Tears are running from the corners of his eyes, he can feel them run over his ears and through his hair. He is eyelids are too heavy to keep open any longer and he stops resisting the feeling go to sleep.
Nessim tells him, "I need you to try to stay calm Rafael, we want your heart rate lower so you don't lose more blood than you already are. We are so close, just breath okay? You can tell me about them later."
Despite Nessim's request Rafael can't calm himself, in fact, he gets even more distressed. He is barely even aware of what's happening any longer, except for the pain, and the fact that he feels very cold.
The bus pulls to a stop, Nessim hadn't been lying. A flock of medical personnel are at his side in seconds, tending to him as Nessim fills them in on his wellbeing. And then he is wheeled to an OR.
The trip to Mercy General feels never ending to Liv and Noah, though Olivia knows better. She doesn't feel as scared as she had at the precinct, now she is angry. Angry at the gunman for what he did, angry at Rafael for getting himself shot, angry at all the people in her way. It's mostly irrational but there isn't time for rationality when she is this emotional.
Noah seems to be withdrawing he is still sitting his mother's lap, unmoving.
It takes a total of six minutes to get them to the hospital, Fin let's Noah and Olivia out at the emergency room while he goes to park the car.
The madness of the ER is shocking to Noah who collapses further into Olivia's chest. Liv had been expecting this, preparing for it. Trying to locate a nurse won't be easy, locating a nurse that will actually have the information she needs will be even more difficult.
Stepping out of the way Olivia scans the room. It takes a minute but she spots a nurse who is doing her best to appease the people arriving looking for loved ones. She has a clipboard in her hands and she skims through it each time someone new approaches her, telling them what she can before moving on.
Liv gets to her momentarily and asks, "Rafael Barba? Do you know where they've taken him?"
Looking down to her clipboard once more the nurse runs her finger down the page before flipping to the next to keep searching. About midway down the second page she sees his name and her finger stops moving.
"They took him to OR 3, if you go to the elevators take it up one floor and to your right is the information desk, they can direct you." And she moves onto the next person.
Grabbing her phone Liv gives Fin a quick update all the while making her way as fast as she can to the elevator.
She wonders why hospitals need to be such complex layouts while she ushers herself and Noah along to the waiting room.
Liv stops at the nursing station to see if there is an update. All she gets is that he was brought in about 15 minutes ago but a doctor will be out to brief her as soon as possible.
Resigning herself to the feeble excuse for information Liv makes her way to the waiting room and collapses into a terribly uncomfortable chair. She puts her nose in Noah's hair and just breaths.
After being there for a moment she realizes she hasn't spoken to Lucia at all. Tensing she knows it has to be done but certainly isn't looking forward to making the call.
Trying to ready herself for it she closes her eyes and thinks how Rafael would want his mother to know, how she owes this to him and his mother. As she does this her detectives arrive take up vigil beside her.
Pulling her phone from her pocket she looks to Noah, "baby can you sit with Auntie Amanda for a minute I have to call Abuelita to tell her about daddy."
The only acknowledgment Olivia gets from Noah is when he slides from her lap and steps to Amanda who immediately takes him in.
She dials Lucia's number before realizing she will be at school. Hanging up she calls there instead.
"Yes hello, may I speak with Lucia Barba please?"
"Lieutenant Benson." Her tone is flat and then she waits for a couple beats.
"Olivia? What is it honey?" Lucia picks up her phone.
Olivia feels her throat constrict, "have you seen the news today?"
There is a long pause and Olivia knows the other woman is catching on quickly, "don't- don't tell me what you're about to tell me."
Liv's breathing is harsh now, near to the point of hyperventilating, "we're at Mercy General, he's in surgery. I don't know much, don't have much to tell you. I'm sending Carisi to come get you, he will be there soon," she waves her hand at Carisi indicating he should go, "he will keep your mind off things until you get here. He's always got a story to tell."
Olivia smiles some through her tears and hears a choked snort over the other end of the line.
"Okay Querida, okay. Our Rafi is strong he will be fine, I'm sure of it." She doesn't sound sure.
"Lucia?" Olivia's voice borders on timid.
"What is it my love?" It's clear Lucia is crying by this point.
"I love you." Olivia feels compelled to tell her this, to make sure the other woman knows that it's not just a connection they have through Rafael but between them too.
"I know dear, I love you too." Olivia nods her head but the only sound that leaves her is a small whimper, Lucia rings off to await her escort.
A doctor doesn't come in to update them on Rafael's condition for another thirty minutes, at least. Lucia has arrived by this point.
When Olivia spotted Lucia she was practically jogging her way over, Sonny trailing behind, still talking. He was a great storyteller and could be counted on to get your mind off of almost anything, almost.
Upon her approach Olivia stands to greet Lucia with Noah sleeping in the chair to her left. The two women are completely distressed and look to one another for comfort. They hug fiercely not letting go for a minute or two, Olivia has broken down sobbing into Lucia's shoulder.
Muffled by Lucia's sweater Olivia repeats, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
The older woman runs a hand through Olivia's hair and down her back, "why are apologizing querida? You've done nothing wrong." She pulls away to look at Liv's face, cupping her cheeks, "our Rafa he's a fighter, we will get him back I know it, I feel it in my heart."
Lucia continues to do her best to comfort Olivia before moving them to sit. Going to Olivia's left Lucia slowly lifts Noah onto her lap. The weight and warmth of the boy's body feels good against her, reassuring.
The group is silent until the doctor finally arrives, "family of Rafael Barba?"
Olivia shoots out of her seat, "that's us."
She surveys the group of people now on their feet, sees badges, they're cops, some of them at least.
"Mr. Barba is still in surgery, it will likely be a few more hours before we finish treating him and move him to post-op and then to a room.
"These next hours are going to be crucial for him. There was significant blood loss when they found him. He was admitted with a superficial wound to his left forearm that had been treated sufficiently by the medics.
"The real issue is the right shoulder. When he was shot the bullet nicked his clavicle which splintered, pieces of bone lodged into some muscle and perforated an artery.
"We are removing the bullet but need to ensure we clear all bone shards from the area so there is no subsequent infection.
"Now, obviously there was some muscle tearing too. When this is all over if -" she catches herself and clears her throat, "when this is over he will need physical therapy to regain some range of motion that he will have lost."
Lucia has been growing increasingly more frustrated the more this doctor drones on, no emotion in her voice whatsoever.
"You haven't said how he is though," she snarls out.
"Like I said these next hours are crucial but he is stable at the moment. I can't give you anything definitive now. I'm sorry." The woman tells Lucia keeping eye contact the whole time.
At least this time she does actually have emotion, she does sound sorry.
As quick as she had come in she leaves.
Olivia doesn't know how to feel about this, can't totally process the new information she has been given. The look on Lucia's face seems to indicate she is feeling much the same thing.
Thankfully Noah has slept through all the talking the doctor did, but the movement of Lucia sitting again is just enough to wake him up.
"Hola mi nino dale un beso a la Abuelita." Lucia keeps her voice soft. (Hi my boy give your Abuelita a kiss)
Leaning up to her Noah leaves a sloppy kiss on her cheek. Lucia runs a hand over his face and feels the dried tears have stiffened his skin a bit.
"Let's go wash your face huh? Take a little walk, are you hungry?" She wants to distract the poor boy who has already had a lot taken out of him today, distracting him will also help to distract her, not to mention give Olivia space.
"Yes, I never had lunch," it's nearly dinner time.
"No lunch! Well that simply won't do for a growing boy!" Lucia tries to animate more in an attempt to lift the mood, if she can.
They go off hand in hand down the hallway. Lucia makes sure Olivia will be okay and says they will bring something back for her, and that her phone is on.
Once they are out of sight Olivia hides her face in her hands. Roughly she pulls them up and combs her fingers through her hair. Finally, reluctantly, she turns to her team.
"I need you guys to get back to the station, everyone is going to be stretched thin dealing with this for a while, make sure we do what we can. Get back to the case, and then go home and rest."
Taking their orders the three stand and start to leave, Olivia reaches her hand to grab Amanda.
"'Manda wait, I need you for a minute."
"Of course. Whatever it is you need Liv, just ask." Amanda sits back down next to her boss, her friend.
"I hate to do this but, would you mind going over to my place to get me and Noah a change of clothes?" Olivia starts to reach for her pocket before realizing, "my keys are in my bag… in my office."
Amanda takes in the sight of Olivia, it's hard not to feel pity for her, but she won't do that, she feels sympathy, empathy even, not pity.
"Don't worry about, I'm on it." Amanda goes to stand once more and is again stopped by Liv's hand. "Any specific clothing you want?"
"No I don't care, whatever you see first that's comfortable. There's something else I need you to get for me. It's in my desk, the top left drawer, the key is on my keychain, it's small and silver, you'll know which one it is. There is a small black box in there, can you bring that here for me too?" Olivia feels frayed all around the edges and awful everywhere in the middle.
Rollins quirks an eyebrow but says nothing, nodding she goes.
By herself now, except for the other people in the waiting room with her, Olivia allows the tears to come again. She is exhausted and crying is taking the last of her energy, it doesn't take long before she is nodding off.
It is by no means a restful sleep, she dreams of Rafael covered in blood, of telling his mother that he is gone, introducing Noah to the concept of real grief and loss and death. She dreams that she is an old woman but there is no one with her, no one to squabble with.
An hour passes before Olivia wakes.
Opening her eyes she sees that Lucia and Noah have returned, Lucia is sitting in a chair adjacent to her own, and Noah is at her feet on the ipad. Regaining awareness Olivia straightens, rolling her neck that has gone stiff from the angle she slept in.
There is a bag on the chair to Lucia's left and once she notices Liv's return to consciousness she grabs for it, "here you go dear, Amanda dropped these off. Noah changed already."
Liv looks down at her son once more and sees that he is in his pajamas and slippers, ones that Rafael has a matching set of.
Taking the bag Olivia stands, "I'm going to change." It's mumbled and sleepy but Lucia hears her just fine.
"We will be right here," she promises.
In the bathroom Olivia removes the clothes Amanda brought for her, there is clean underwear and a bra, some baggy NYPD sweatpants, a plain t-shirt, and his Harvard hoodie. Holding it to her face Olivia can smell Rafael on it, it feels like it has been forever since she saw him last, when in reality it hasn't even been 12 hours. Dressing quickly Olivia realizes how grateful she is to Amanda, she is surrounded by Rafael's scent and it settles her a little.
Back in a few minutes Olivia has the bag slung on her arm and is staring at something she holds in her hands. Her expression is very serious with her brows knit tightly together, it stays this way as she sits down.
Noah stands up between Olivia's legs, pointing to the small item his mother is holding he asks, "what's that?"
As if she hadn't noticed Noah until he speaks Olivia jumps at his question, "something I bought for Dad, I want to make sure he gets it. I was waiting, but I don't want to wait anymore."
"A present?" Noah wonders.
"Sort of, not really, it's," Olivia bites her lip, deciding on what to tell him, how much she wants to say. Figuring there is no real reason to keep it a secret, not if she intends for Rafael to have it as soon as she can give to him, Olivia finishes, "it's a question."
Clearly confused Noah gives his mother a dubious look, sliding his eyes to Lucia, who seems to know exactly what this means, if the smile on her face is any indicator.
"What do you mean you got him a question? How do you fit it inside a box?" The concept is beyond Noah's reasoning.
"Well, there is a question I am going to ask Daddy before I give it to him, would you like to know what I want to ask."
Noah clambers onto his mother's legs, Lucia has leaned further into the two of them.
"Por favor." Liv loves it when Noah and Lucia spend time together, he always tends to speak Spanish more when she is around.
Lifting the lid of the box Olivia reveals a simple silver band engraved with two lines that converge into each other, forming one. Noah reaches for the ring and brings it closer to his face, still not quite understanding the direction of the conversation.
"I want to ask Daddy to marry me, do you think that's a good idea?" Liv had intended to speak to Noah before asking Rafael anyhow so she's glad she still has the chance to do so with her change of plans.
"Will you live happily ever after? Like they do in the movies and books?" His face is scrunched up in thought.
Olivia and Lucia share a laugh while Olivia pushes curls back from Noah's face, "I hope so sweetie."
The trio feels a little lighter, especially after Noah says, "yes Momma, I want you and Daddy to live happy ever after." His face is turned her way and they are so close in that moment they only see each other.
Olivia never dreamed of having an experience like this at all in her life. Sitting asking for her son's permission, or blessing, to marry someone. She had made the decision to ask Rafael to marry her the day the adoption was finalized, she just kept thinking of reasons not to ask yet. But now none of those reasons matter, what matters is him. Him and their son and the happiness they can have together. She doesn't want to wait any longer, and Olivia knows it's "backwards" that it is usually the man that asks but she can't bring herself to care.
Looking up to Lucia Olivia seeks one more blessing, "and you Lucia? What do you think?" She feels nervous, but can't imagine Lucia will be anything but thrilled.
"I think that there is nothing that could make me happier than seeing my little boy marry you. You mean everything to him Olivia, he loves you so much, I have never seen Rafi so full of life before he met you." Lucia's eyes find Noah's, "and then there was you, and there was no going back. He told me 'Mamí los amo con todo mi corazó.' and I could the truth in his eyes. You will have your happily ever after together mis amores." (Mamí I love them with all my heart… my loves)
Rafael has been in surgery now for two and a half hours, and there has only been one update on him. Another hour passes, the three family members are growing restless, pacing and stretching out stiff muscles, doing whatever they can to keep their eyes off the clock.
Olivia is no longer sure how much time has gone by when the doctor, who had spoken to her and Lucia before, reappears.
"Barba?" She gives nothing away with her tone or facial expression.
The woman steps up to Lucia and Olivia, Noah now on her hip as they stood.
"Mr. Barba is out of surgery now, we were very successful in removing all bone fragments as well as the bullet. He is going to be out for a while still but you can see him once he is transferred to a room." She tells them.
Olivia feels weak with relief, "he's going to be okay?"
"If everything stays stable through the night we expect he will make a full recovery."
The doctor fills them in as much as she is able and by the end of her visit Olivia and Lucia are crying again, this time from overwhelming relief.
A nurse comes to collect them in another 25 minutes to bring them to the room Rafael has been put into. It is a private room, with the singular hospital bed that Rafael lays in, hooked up to a heart monitor and IV. The mere sight of him breaks Olivia, she cries in earnest, seeing his chest rise and fall.
Liv looks at her son in her arms, "everything is going to be okay now, Daddy will be just fine." She is doing her best to reassure Noah and she feels confident what she tells him is true.
There is a small stiff looking chair in the corner and one other at the bedside. The thought of sitting in one for any longer makes Olivia cringe, Lucia notices, "why don't we all go get a few hours of sleep where we can be comfortable. We will get clean, eat some food and come right back," looking Olivia in the eye she goes on, "I can think about sitting in one of those things for another moment right now."
Agreeing to the plan Lucia has set out Olivia follows Lucia out of the room, after they each kiss Rafael and remind him how much they love him. Once outside Olivia calls an Uber and has it take all three to her apartment, having talked Lucia into coming home with them, reasoning that it is closer and that if anything happens they will find out together.
The older woman knows Olivia is right and gives in easily. Upon entering the apartment each of them goes their separate ways, Lucia opts to go straight to sleep, Olivia insisting that she at least share the bed. Noah decides to sleep too but goes off to his room. Liv heads to the shower to let the water take away some of the tension from the day.
Too tired to pick out another outfit Olivia pulls on the clothes she had on before and slides into her bed where Lucia is already sound asleep. Hours later Noah comes in crying about a dream he had and cuddles between his mother and grandmother.
When they wake in the morning they will eat a quick meal and find their way back to Rafael, fully confident that he will find his way back to them too.
A/N: See you soon!
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