1) reference to 'Star Wars
2) Cassie and Wilson have a nice long talk about House (and why House doesn't want Wilson seeing Cassie)
3) a 'cane fight' between Cassie and House4) use of the 'limping twerp' and 'state the obvious contest' lines
5) House gets Cameron an unusual get-well gift
"So tell me what happened."
"Well," Cameron started, "Chase and Foreman were keeping an eye on me last night, like they were supposed to, right? Next thing I know, we hear a noise outside in the hallway. They played like 'Miami Vice' or something and creep over to the door, throw it open and jump whoever was in the hallway."
"Detective Tutuola," House answered with a grin.
She giggled. "Word travels fast, huh? I felt bad, but it was so funny."
"Too bad it wasn't Detective Stabler. That guy has got it in for me." He turned around as he heard a knock on the door. "Speak of the devil. Darth Stabler."
Unfortunately, at that point, Cameron was taking a sip of water. She cracked up and spit the liquid all over House. "Oh my god, House, I'm so sorry!" She covered her mouth as she giggled again. Looking over at Detective Stabler as he came towards the bed, she whispered, "Darth Stabler? And who are you? Luke Skywalker?"
"Hell no," he said, feigning disgust. "I like being a scoundrel. Han Solo. See you later, Princess."
He walked past Stabler. "Detective."
"Doctor."
As House walked away, he heard him mutter under his breath, "Limping twerp." He smiled. Good. He was getting to him.
House stood just outside of her room, fumbling in his pocket for the Vicodin. He heard snippets of the conversation going on inside.
"… increased security around the hospital… permission to see you… armed officer with you 24/7…"
At that, House whipped around to demand an explanation. He was stopped by a cane across his chest.
"Are you interfering with police business?"
"No, Captain Ross," he replied through his teeth, knocking her cane away with his own. "What's with the personal guard for Cameron?"
"Extra security. Peters was able to get in the hospital. We can't let that happen or let him get to her. Excuse me."
Now, House blocked her exit with his cane. "We are not done. She doesn't need an armed officer watching her every move."
Cassie knocked his cane away. "It's the best for her safety!"
"Yeah? Then how come my men were able to take down one of your detectives?" He snorted. "No wonder Peters got into the hospital!"
"If you weren't such a self centered, bitter asshole, you'd see this is the best for Dr. Cameron!"
"Self centered and bitter? This from the coward," he said poking her in the chest with his cane. "Always sending your lackeys to threaten and intimidate me!"
"I am no coward," she screeched. That did it. She snapped. She knocked his cane away from her chest and took a swing at him with hers. He blocked it efficiently. But Cassie kept swinging and swinging. House was able to block a majority of the blows, but many fell on his arms.
Benson and Munch heard the commotion and came tearing down the hallway. Benson grabbed Cassie's arms to stop the blows. "Cassie! CASSIE! Look at me! Calm down." She turned to look at Olivia and the rage seeped out of her. She went limp. Olivia led her away.
Munch went right up to House. "What did we tell you? We said, lay off Cassie. But do you listen? No. You go right on being a fucking bastard to her." He turned to walk away. "You watch yourself," he called over his shoulder. "You might want to invest in a guard yourself."
House sighed. He really hoped he still had that bottle of Jack Daniels in his bottom desk drawer. He could use a stiff drink.
"Hey, I heard what happened," Wilson said, sitting down next to Cassie in the lab. "Are you okay?"
"How did you find me," she asked weakly. She didn't have the energy to be witty with him right now.
"This is where Cameron goes when she gets upset. I don't know what's so special about the lab, but hey, whatever floats your boat."
"This is the third time you've showed up when something bad has happened, including Cameron's attack. What gives?"
"I have a radar for damsels in distress," he said with a wry grin. "Anyway, you're avoiding the reason why we're both here. Are you alright?"
"That man brings out the absolute worst in me."
"House does that to a lot of people."
"What the hell did I ever do to him? Why doesn't he like me?"
"Oh, it's nothing personal. He doesn't like anybody."
"Except you and Cameron. I'm not sure he even likes the other two guys."
"I'm not exactly on his good side right now."
"Why's that?"
"Because I have taken an interest in you and I care about your welfare."
Cassie felt a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. "And he doesn't like that."
"Not one bit. He thinks you're more damaged than he is. And that you're letting your own problems get in the way of protecting Cameron."
"You can't be fucking serious!"
"I am."
"That's a perfect description of himself? Who's he kidding?"
"If you want to have a state the freaking obvious contest about House, we could be here a while."
Cassie laughed.
"Well, my job here is done," Wilson said, getting up. "I got you to smile again. Off to help the helpless."
"Thank you, James."
He started at her use of his first name, but that quickly turned into a grin. "You're very welcome." He opened the door, paused and said, "You know, you're cute when you're angry, but you're cuter when you laugh." and walked out. But smiled again as he caught the flush creep up her cheeks again.
Damn! He makes me blush like a friggin' schoolgirl!, Cassie thought. What the hell is wrong with me?
"… so you understand why we need a new lawyer here."
"Yes, Dr. Cuddy. When I saw Dr. Wilson a while back, I mentioned that I was going to be moving back to the area. He told me to stop up and talk to you when I did."
"Well, you couldn't have come at a more opportune time." Cuddy sighed. "There's a rapist on the loose, the hospital has police everywhere, and we'll be lucky if House only gets sued by 3 of the detectives."
"That's Greg for you," Stacy replied.
"Especially Captain Ross and Detective Stabler. The three of them are constantly at each other's throats. As a matter of fact, Ross and House got into a goddman cane fight right outside of Dr. Cameron's room!"
"Why doesn't that surprise me?"
"Anyway, Stacy, it's good to have you on board. It's going to be interesting until this guy is caught."
"My pleasure, Lisa."
A few hours and a few shots of JD later, House made his way back to Cameron's room. He pointed to the guard sitting in one of the hard plastic chairs. "You, out."
"Sir, I'm not supposed to—"
"Out. NOW. Do you need me to spell it out for you?"
"Sir," the officer said stiffly and walked out.
"House, you really should be nicer to the police, especially Captain Ross. They're just trying to help," Cameron scolded.
He scoffed. "That woman is more cracked than I am."
"Nobody is more cracked than you."
"Hey," he exclaimed, feigning hurt. "Just for that, I'm not giving you your present." He shook a box at her.
"Ooohhh! I love getting presents!" Cameron snatched the box out of his hands.
"Hey," he said again. "I'm supposed to give it to you. You're not supposed to steal it from me." But he smiled as she tore the paper off with glee. She opened the box and peered inside. Taking out a small device, she asked, confused, "What is it?"
"Considering that the detectives here are useless and get taken down by our own doctors, I don't trust whatever extra security they're plaguing this place with." He took the item out of her hands. "This, my dear, is a tazer. Anyone trys to harm you in any way, you press this little button and ZAP! 100,000 volts through the asshole. There were other models that gave 20,000 and 50,000 volts, but I wasn't taking any chances."
Even though the present was odd, it gave Cameron a warm feeling inside to know that House cared about her safety.
"Thank you, House. Hmmm… I'm gonna need to learn how to use it. How can I test it out? It's too dangerous to test on people."
"No it's not! Hold on one second." House limped to the door and stuck his head in the hallway. "Hey Detective Stabler! We need you in here for a second!"