A/N: I am SO sorry this took so long, the last three weeks have been soul crushingly busy at work and I have been unmotivated to do much with my free time. Please forgive me!
Olivia hears a sound indicating she has a new email. Today is shaping up about to be an arduous one full of paperwork, stacking up high enough to give her a headache just looking at it. The email is a welcome distraction.
She laughs when she sees it is from Rafael and notices the subject line RE: What do you think of these? The body of the message has no preamble, no greeting, it only contains links to homes in different areas of the city: Queens, Bronxville, Brooklyn, Yonkers. There are short comments to go along with each link "this one has enough space for Noah to have his own playroom AND we could have a guest room!" Or "I don't actually want this one, look at the bathroom though, I shuddered laying eyes on it." Liv finds it comical.
It's when Rafa starts to forward emails from Brandi that Liv begins to get confused. She emails Rafa to ask him why Brandi might be doing this and how did she even know they are considering buying a house. Instead of replying via email her phone rings.
"Hi honey," Liv answers.
Rafa answers in kind, "hola nena."
"So what's going on over there?"
He sighs and Liv imagines him running a hand through his hair, she hears a scratching and knows his fingers are in his beard. The knowledge makes her smile, she finds the beard incredibly attractive, especially with the smattering of grey coloring it, giving him a very distinguished look.
After a beat Rafa finally speaks, "it's been a bit of a slow day," he explains. "Brandi came in here to discuss something and may have found me browsing for different homes. She thinks I was just bored and sending you ugly ones so she joined in the fun and is now sending me ugly homes. I'm not sure how she is finding some of these monstrosities but they should be condemned."
Liv snorts, "geez I wish my slow days were like that. My slow day today consists of about 1 million reports of my own and then about three times that to sign off on." There's a thud from when her forehead drops to said reports, "I think I'm going blind."
"Well that won't due, I need you to see me in the dress I got for the wedding." Raf manages to illicit a genuine laugh from Olivia, which is exactly what he had been hoping to get.
Straightening Liv fusses with her papers, "I love you."
Pushing back against his chair so that it leans back Rafael wishes he could see her right now, "meet me for lunch in an hour?"
Eying her work then her watch Olivia groans, hating that it isn't past lunch yet, "it's a date. Will you swing by here to get me? Just look for the woman drowning in paper."
Laughing and shaking his head, "I'll bring a search team with me," There's an answering giggling, "I love you."
A wistful, answering, "I love you too," drifts through his phone and into his ear before the call disconnects.
Routines have been firmly in place as their little family goes about their Wednesday morning, Rafael and Olivia are still sat at the kitchen table, Noah is in his room getting dressed, hopefully. One routine that has also held firm is the extent to which Noah can distract himself while getting ready for school, since starting the second grade the seven year old has resisted leaving the house, at least until the last possible moment. Neither Olivia nor Rafael are sure why, and Lucy wasn't privy to any information on this either, but they wait it out, see where it will take them.
"I'm thinking of leaving SVU," Olivia's thought seems to come from nowhere. Tilting her head and looking to Rafael she rests her temple against a fist, pouting out her lower lip and pondering him for a moment she opens her mouth once more, "what do you think?"
Rafael reaches for the hand that isn't currently supporting her head and makes a rhythm of running his thumb over the pads of her fingers. He contemplates things, keeping his attention on their hands. Liv's skin is so soft, and her hands aren't the hands one would imagine touching such horrible, unspeakable things day in and day out. Her hands are smooth, tanned at the back, with manicured nails that lack polish. Raf loves her hands, how they hold him, their son, the whole world.
Meeting Olivia's eyes he, too, tilts his head, matching Liv's angle, "you wanna know what I think?" Raf pauses for her answering nod, and speaks once she gives it to him, "I think you should do whatever makes you the most happy. I think that if what you want in life isn't at SVU anymore then you should leave. I also think that if you are thinking of leaving simply because you're getting pressure from the top to do something, whatever that is, then screw them and stay where you are. I think you know the answer to what to do, even if you don't believe it."
When Rafael finishes talking Olivia pins his thumb to her hand with her own. There's no mistaking the look of disappointment dragging her eyebrows together and the corners of her lips down. She was looking for him to tell her something and that wasn't it.
Turning his hand over to fully grasp Olivia's Rafael tugs at her just enough to grab her attention, "you wanna know what I want though?" Again he waits for her answer.
Liv nods again, slower this time, with a question in her eyes. Still, she stays mute.
"I want you around for as long as you can give me, as many moments in as many days. I want to not have to worry every time you leave our home for work that there's a chance something might take you away from Noah and me. I want to take days off that won't get interrupted by a call needing you right away. I want you in every way you'll give me, whether it's Lieutenant Benson or not. But what I don't want is for you to make a decision because you think I will like it better. I want you to be selfish here Liv, do what you need to do, just like always, but do what you believe is the right thing for you." Rafael's rhythmic motion has moved so that his thumb rises and falls with the hills and valleys of Liv's knuckles.
His tone and his words are nothing short of passionate. If there is one thing in the world he could choose to be passionate about Rafael will always pick his family, no contest. The light coloring the green of Raf's eyes is burned through with this same passion. He could go on forever about what he wants for her, with her, and with their son.
"I'm not asking you to make the decision Rafa," Liv tells him as she brings his hand to her face, resting her cheek in his palm. Raf laughs, he is well aware of this, and the fact that if he even thought about trying to make this decision, or really any decision, for her, he would quickly find himself sleeping on the couch.
He keeps his pattern up and swipes his thumb along Liv's cheekbone, "I know mi amor."
"What you want, what you think, how you see things; it matters to me, helps me put things into perspective. My decision isn't going to happen quickly, I'm sure, but I want to keep talking about it with you." Liv relinquishes her hold of him.
Pushing away from the table Rafael stands to continue readying himself for the day, "I'm here to listen while you work through this," he promises.
Just as abruptly as the conversation started, it ends and both Rafael and Olivia move on to finish readying themselves for the day ahead.
One evening finds Liv draped over Rafael in bed, her straddling his hips, torso to torso, and face tucked into the crook of his neck. They are there, simply being. Raf has a hand beneath Liv's tank top, running it from the curve of one hip, over the hill of vertebrae, and to the curve of the hip opposite.
Raf is merely wearing his underwear, light purple boxer briefs, with the rest of his skin on display. Olivia, on the other hand, is in a lavender tank top with peach boyshort yoga panties that are barely noticeable as fabric.
After some time Liv begins to push her fingers through the smattering of salt and pepper locks at Raf's temple. It sets his hair at some odd angles but the sensation of it is a comfort as her nails tiptoe over his scalp.
She rises and falls with each breath Rafael takes whereas he can feel the heat of hers against his neck. The continued motion of Raf's hand on her back causes the fabric of Liv's top to ride up her skin in a bunch, neither does anything about it, but his hand stops moving and his palm presses against her spine.
The night is warm and so are their bodies. They know eventually they will have to move, and when that happens each knows a cold feeling will press in on them at the loss of contact.
Reluctantly Olivia lays her palms flat to the mattress beneath them and exerts barely enough force to get herself into an upright position, still astride Rafael. With her weight redistributed Liv slides her hands along the sheets, turning them palm side up and grasps Raf's head lifting it so she can meet him for a kiss. Liv kisses his lips lightly twice in a row, then moves her body off of his.
The air feels cool, now, against their skin. Olivia has to shake off a shiver as her back meets the sheet.
"I want you to wear suspenders at the wedding," Liv requests, head on her pillow, eyes looking to the ceiling but her hand on his bicep.
A laugh rumbles through Rafa's chest, and he tucks himself onto his side to face her, "oh you do, do you?" A smile pinches Liv's cheeks at his question. "What about what I want to wear?"
This gets her to look at him, "as if you would turn down a chance to wear them."
Bending his arm Rafa wiggles his hand between the bed and the pillow his head rests on, "you're right, I wouldn't turn that down. Should I wear something else, or is it just the suspenders that you want to see me in?"
Rolling to her stomach Olivia's smile only widens, "I think the whole suit would be best." She tells him as she scooches close and molds into him. "I was planning to have purple and pink peonies for my bouquet, so you can maybe match that instead of doing all black."
Raf gathers her closer, "mmm, it sounds like a plan."
He reaches behind him and switches the light off, plunging the room into darkness and bringing them closer to sleep. It doesn't take long to drift off, feeling relaxed and content, with thoughts of their wedding in both their heads.
—
One Tuesday Liv and Raf decide to play hookey, along with Noah, and visit the Museum of Natural History.
The enormity of the place is the first thing Noah is in awe of, it is one of the largest buildings he can think of, which doesn't mean as much coming from a seven year old. Then it is the sheer number of things to be seen, the map of the museum is daunting, even to Olivia and Rafael, and Noah wants to see all of it. Rafael tells him they won't be able to see it all in one day but Noah argues that they might be able to.
Noah had insisted on bringing some things along with him for the trip: a notebook, pens, pencils, Eddie the Elephant, and his wallet, just in case. He carried it all in his backpack, which quickly found its way to Rafael's shoulders, after nearly being forgotten twice.
Their first exhibit is the Center for Earth and Space; a large, open hall all in white. Even the adults find the scale of the universe display hard to believe.
Not long after arriving Olivia's cell phone rings, she and Rafael groan, knowing what it means. Liv steps away to take her call and speaks quickly to whoever is on the other end. Once back at Rafael's side he can tell by the look on her face she has to leave.
"They need my at a crime scene, Queens is short-staffed which means we had to lend some of our people causing us to be stretched a little thin." Liv confirms what Rafael knew. Her hand is in his and he squeezes it to reassure her that he understands.
Leaning into her Raf kisses her cheek lightly. Noah is a few paces in front of them and is unaware of his mother's impending departure.
Liv beckons him over, "Noah," she calls, and he bounces his way to his parents. "Work just called," Noah releases a heavy sigh, knowing already what will be coming, "I have to go, but you and Daddy are going to stay and have fun. I love you sweet boy." His face falls and his arms cross, and when Liv leans in to give him a hug and kiss Noah steps away again.
Her son's disappointment is palpable and Liv knows there's no way she could feel worse right now. Rafael steps up beside her to put a hand on her shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze.
"He'll get over it Liv, he was just excited…" Raf trails off realizing whatever he says next will likely make Olivia feel worse.
Olivia just nods and starts walking away.
Once she is gone Rafael goes to Noah and crouches so they are about the same height, "hijo, you know Momma would rather spend time with you than go to work, but she has to go."
"Why does she have to? She works all the time, it isn't fair." Noah's voice is small and sad and it breaks Raf's heart a little to hear it.
"She goes because people need her," Rafael explains honestly. "C'mon let's keep looking around and try to learn as much as we can. We'll make sure to take lots of pictures too, so that we can show Momma later, so it's like she didn't miss out on anything."
Bowing his head Noah doesn't look as though he wants to agree but eventually does nod and take Rafael's hand. Just minutes later there is a small smile back on Noah's face and the two of them are exploring and learning everything they see.
Noah insists they see the dinosaur section and studies each bone like he knows exactly what he is looking at. Together they stare at the huge scale of the blue whale hanging above the ocean exhibit. From room to room they look and learn, and take plenty of pictures, of the things on display, of each other, of the two of them together. Rafael insists they go to the sensory exhibit which, as the name would suggest, explores the five senses. It is a marvel for the two to take in, with mind bending optical illusions and plenty of beauty to behold.
All in all Rafael and Noah spend hours at the museum together, stopping only once for lunch, and then setting out to explore even more. On the way out they decide there is no reason not to go to the gift shop. With two floors worth of items to buy both men know they could spend ample time, and money, here too. Noah finds a book and dinosaur figurine he wants, which Rafael agrees to buy for him. They continue to browse the gift shop inventory when Noah scampers over to Rafael to tug him in the direction of the jewelry.
Noah points to a necklace with a small bluish stone pendant that reflects light in an almost magical way, "I think Momma would really like that, can we buy it for her?"
It's nothing particularly fancy but Rafael agrees with his son's assessment that Liv would like it.
"I think that's an absolutely fantastic idea hijo, but I want you to apologize for making Mamí feel bad when she had to go to work, entiendes?" Rafael proposes.
For a moment Noah looks as though he might negotiate the point but doesn't open his mouth at all, simply nodding, and with a smile on his face, too.
They bring their purchases to the checkout counter and Noah lets Rafael know he wants to buy the necklace himself. Pleasantly surprised Rafael passes Noah his wallet out of the backpack he is still sporting.
It's after 8:00 when Olivia returns home, her feeting dragging beneath her. She looks totally exhausted, like she could just drop onto the couch and not move at all while she slept solidly. Before she can do so, however, Noah runs into her legs, hugging them.
"Hola Mamí, te extrañé hoy!" Noah practically shouts as his body makes its impact with hers. (Hi Momma, I missed you today!)
Rafael quietly pads his way over in socked feet, "he missed you."
Liv looks almost like she is going to cry, feeling guilty that her son had to be in the position to be missing her at all. She bends over and lifts her sweet little boy into a tight hug, squeezing him extra.
As Noah settled into his mother's arms he looked somewhat chastised before he swipes hair off her cheek and looks her in the eye, "I'm sorry Momma, I didn't want you to feel bad when you left." Wiggling his little butt Noah squirms his way back down and moves over to Rafael, whispering, "can I give Momma what we bought?"
Even though he had whispered his question Olivia hears him and shoots a look to Rafael, a question clear in her eyes. Raf looks down to their son instead of giving anything away, "sí señor."
As Noah nearly slips in his haste to retrieve the necklace Liv moves into the apartment, taking off her shoes and jacket before unsnapping her holster from her belt. She rolls her neck, attempting to relieve the tension that worked itself into her muscles during her shift, chasing down a kidnapper.
Rafael steps into her and turns her back to him so that he can reach up and work his thumbs into the knots of Olivia's neck. She immediately feels better, sighing deeply now that she is home with her family. Raf peppers kisses to the top of her spine before leaving his mouth there, "sorry you had to work on your day off."
Liv reaches up and takes one of Raf's hands from her neck and clasps it against her cheek, "I know, me too."
Within a minute Noah ambles back into the room, the later hour taking its toll on the young boy at this point, though his eyes remain excited.
"Momma I bought you something at the museum today. It's almost as pretty as you are," Noah really lays on the charm, Rafael is very clearly rubbing off on him.
"You didn't have to buy me anything Noh, but that's so sweet of you." Liv squats down next to him as he hands her a small black box.
Lifting the lid Olivia reveals the necklace Noah picked out, a blue pendant on a gold chain, she is so tired, and so touched that tears prick her eyes before slipping down her cheeks. Sniffing loudly Liv looks to Noah, "thank you baby, I love it."
Before Noah falls asleep for the night Olivia already has the necklace against her skin, alongside her fearlessness chain. She steps into her bedroom to find Rafael reading, back against the headboard and legs stretched out before him. Crawling into bed on what has been her side Olivia presses the length of her body against Rafael's side.
Putting his book down Rafael smiles at Olivia, "hey you, did your shower help work out some of those knots?" His eyes shine with so much admiration towards her behind his glasses Olivia has to breath deeply through her nose to work through her emotions before she can even contemplate her answer.
She nods instead of speaking, lips pressed together tightly. For a few moments Liv looks away from him, before she comes to a decision, "I'm going to leave SVU, I don't know when, and I don't know what I will do instead but I don't want to miss another day like today."
Liv's head rests near Rafael's hip in their current positions, he brings his a hand down and cards his fingers through her hair. Quietly he asks, "are you sure that's what you want?"
Without hesitation, "positive."
A/N: Let me know what your thoughts are! x