Shimazaki Ryou had zero intention of leaving this room today for any reason whatsoever.

He had everything that h needed right here. He had Toshi, he had food, he had water, he had whatever the hell Toshi kept in the bottles in their drawers, but most of all he had Toshi. Had he mentioned that he had Toshi? Because he did. He had Toshi right there in his arms on his, their, bed, and they were so soft and the smelled so good and their voice was so soft….soft and kind of like rubbing two pieces of silk together…or maybe silk and then satin….or maybe velvet? He hadn't heard velvet in a while but he had heard silk and satin and Toshi's voice was just as good as silk and sating. There was no better sound in the whole world than Toshi's voice.

Not even the sweet sounds of the greatest group of amazing individuals to ever grace this planet.

"I want to hold your hand….I want to hold your hand…" said Shimazaki, his voice muffled there in Toshi's hair. They smelled so good today…and that was not just the weed talking. They really did smell completely amazing. Like…like shampoo and conditioner and also…well weed….and fabric softener but also like…well like Toshi. Toshi smelled like Toshi and there was nothing better than the way that Toshi smelled.

Well the way that they sounded.

And the way that they felt.

And the way that they tasted.

But the way that they smelled…well it was all a tie. Everything about this human being, this most perfect person…to borrow a word from the craziest and saddest son of a bitch the Shimazaki had ever known, was just…perfect. Toshi was everything that he had ever wanted in another human being and…and he was high as fuck…but still. This…love cuddle...Valentine's Day love cuddle….or rather love bubble…was perfect. Bubbles were one of the few things that he couldn't sense but he had felt them.

They popped easily.

"Then hold it, I don't need two hands for this." said Minegishi as they offered Ryou their non-dominant hand. They really only needed one for this…even if it was awkward. With them being the little spoon to Ryou's big spoon and all. Well it wasn't like they could be the big spoon. They were a lot smaller than Ryou.

He made them feel small.

Not in a bad way. Well not in the way that others had made them feel small in the past. He made them feel small like…like they were vulnerable…but not in the way that they had been before. More…primal…in a way. Like if there was some kind of sabretooth tiger attack he would be able to keep them safe. That made perfect sense, of course, because he could teleport them out of any danger. There were no more sabretooth tigers, of course, but the primal part of their brain didn't know that. All they knew was that they were in the arms of someone bigger and stronger than them. Someone who could and would lay down his life for them. For his partner…or mate if they were still going off of primal, animal channel, terms.

Or boyfriend to use a term that was a little less nature show-y.

They had a boyfriend, the one boyfriend, the one boyfriend who was currently using them as a body pillow. The one boyfriend who's sweat slickened chest was pressed against their equally frictionless back. The one boyfriend who had filled their room with junk food and declared this to be their love bubble. The one boyfriend who had made them feel, and they still felt, utterly boneless. The one boyfriend who loved them more than anything or anyone else in his life.

The one boyfriend who was not the person on the other end of this phone.

"And I don't need two hands for this." said Shimazaki. One of his hands was slung over Toshi's back, that was the one that made it's way over to theirs. The other hand however, made it's way between their legs and up…where it was promptly trapped.

"Ryou." Said Minegishi as they hit the delete key. Great. Now they had to start all over again…well that word…or maybe the whole message. They had to reply, it was polite, and sometimes they did give a damn about being polite. Mob's friendship lectures had rubbed off on them. Or maybe they just didn't feel like being a total dick to…whoever this person was to them.

Former hook up?

That didn't fit. They never texted socially with a hook up…or in general since everyone they knew lived within shouting distance of them. So maybe…new friend? That sort of fit. They were as close to friends as Minegishi could be with someone else…but they had also been inside of one another and that may have put them out of the friendship category. Friends with benefits? That fit better….but they hadn't had any 'benefits' since Halloween and they hadn't made any plans for any more benefits either. It just wasn't feasible right now. Maybe when they went back to Japan…and if they ever stayed within a day's distance from Seasoning City…but that was for later. For when they summered in Japan as they probably would again this year. Now it was winter, the world outside of this room felt dead, and they had to figure out what to say when your sort of friend/sort of lover sent you a virtual bouquet of flowers with a Happy Valentine's Day message.

Thank you?

That was a phrase which people used but…but then maybe that would be stepping more into…whatever this was. The bouquet, well the picture of one, made no sense in terms of flower language. White, purple, and blue chrysanthemums all meant friendship. Red roses that meant 'I love you' but also yellow roses of jealousy and coral roses of friendship. Then there was also the red carnation which meant an aching heart and…and maybe they were looking too much into it. Maybe it was just an assortment of pretty flowers. Maybe they just should have said 'thank you' and then…made it clear that they weren't looking for anything serious…because they already had something serious.

Something that could be seriously annoying.

"What? Still too sensitive?" asked Shimazaki as he pulled his hand away. There was a stickiness that clung to his fingers. He wiped it on the wall behind him. Toshi was going to kill him when they saw that later but it was better than getting up and washing his hands. Nope, none of that today…well no more of that. Toshi was pretty insistent about that, actually, and he didn't blame them. The whole area was just….way too fucking complicated and he didn't want Toshi to have to go through bread times on his account. They already had ketchup packet times to deal with. Not now, not that he minded, well he did mind when they got upset. Sometimes it felt like they just yelled and yelled at everything…and usually he was the 'everything'…but not now.

Now was about love and cuddles and love cuddles in their love bubble.

"No, I'm just busy." Said Minegishi as they heard Ryou wipe his hand on the wall. Great. That was going to dry into something truly disgusting…but whatever. They'd clean it later. Today they had no intention of doing anything outside of this bed…and they never would, anyway, unless they managed to figure out how to finish this stupid text already.

"Read to me?" asked Shimazaki. He felt Toshi tense up aura and all. What? Were they reading one of their secret Toshi books that he wasn't supposed to know about? He didn't care if they sometimes read trashy books for people closer to the kids' age or their weird manga where people had knots and stuff…or the thing with the thing…he just liked hearing them read to him. That was all.

"Not now." Said Minegishi. Ryou…had a jealous streak as wide as the sky. He loved them and when he loved someone he never let them go. Maybe it had something to do with frequently being abandoned by his parents and the death of the last person he….lots of things that they didn't want to think about. Ryou….they loved him and this was an open relationship anyway….but…well they did not want to start opening up cans of worms. Not before they could get started on their garden again, anyway.

"I don't care what you're reading, I just like to hear your voice." Said Shimazaki as he pressed his face into the back of Toshi's neck. He had read, once, that people spooned because there was a scent gland or something on the back of the neck. He could believe that. Toshi smelled…well sweet here. The top of their head smelled sweet too but not as much as at the back of their neck right at the base of their head. Their hair was longer now, long enough that they had started pulling it back, and he hoped that they never cut it. Even if it got in his mouth when he spooned them. He liked their long Toshi hair…it was so…well not soft but theirs.

God. He loved every single fucking thing about Minegishi Toshiki.

"I'm amazed that you can hear everything over the music. How much of this playlist is Beatles?" asked Minegishi. They decided to reply later. They'd blame the time difference or…something. Something that would sound better than 'my boyfriend who I'm in an open relationship with has no idea that you even exist and it's best that he never does for your own sanity' or something.

They put their phone down on the nightstand.

"The vast majority of it but there's that stuff you like, too. Plenty of Bowie and shit." Said Shimazaki between kisses. He kissed the back of Toshi's neck. He could taste them, sort of, and they were so sweet. God…how did one person….how could one person…how could one person be this…sweet?

And also musky, kind of, but that was a whole other area of their body.

"Not very romantic." Said Minegishi as Ryou peppered the back of their neck with kisses. Maybe he'd learned Morse code at some point. Well then he needed to learn to use his words since they were not a telegraph. They could barely figure out how to say thank you in text...but that didn't matter now. Now they were with you and he was the one who mattered. He was their…boyfriend. He was their boyfriend and they were going to be with him for…well forever.

Which was a very long time.

Longer than they had ever seen themselves staying with one person for. Longer than they had ever eve planned on living for. They hadn't bene planning to kill themselves hey just…never saw themselves asking it to twenty eight, almost twenty nine, years old. They'd be twenty nine this year and then thirty the next year and then…well thirty one and thirty two and all of the many years after…and they would see them out with Shimazaki Ryou…and they had no reason not to…and they wanted to! They wanted to be with him more than anything else in the world but also…

Also they felt trapped…and pinned….and just…they needed space….but they also wanted nothing more than to lay there in his arms….

Trapped and safe.

"Is too. As long as you're happy then it's romantic." Said Shimazaki. He finished kissing the back of their neck and went to the top of their head now. God, their hair. He was stoned as fuck but well even if he hadn't been he still would have been as happy as he was now. This was love and…and he was totally team love! Mob had the right idea about love. Love was the best thing in the world and, really, they just needed to all be in love because all you needed was love and other such wisdom….

God, love was…love.

Love was good…and also not so good. The not so good parts of love were there, too, in the house. Just outside of the door. He should have felt him coming, he should have at least heard the door open, but he had just been lost there in Toshi. In their voice and their breathing and their hair and their skin and their aura and just…every single part of them…especially the feeling of their hand in his. Love was….love was so perfect….and love Toshi was perfect and love…well love was great….

But it also turned a certain eleven year old into…well Shimazaki didn't even know.

"Shimazaki? Can we hang out?" asked Sho as he knocked on the door. He had listened for a good long time and it didn't sound like anyone was being gross in there…but he still had to knock. He didn't want to see Minegishi's boobs again…and also he didn't want to know what they were doing in there anyway. He knew that it had something to do with being gross and adults and…and he just didn't want…he didn't want to deal with any gross adult Valentine's Day stuff!

He'd had enough of Valentine's Day as it was.

"Ryou. Deal with that." Said Minegishi as they got their hang out from his and pointed at the door. He knew that the kid was on the other side and he knew that they were not going to be the one to deal with him. Not. They had their hands full when it came to Mob. Sho was Ryou's responsibility…..well he didn't know the meaning of the word….but still. Minegishi was not going to be the one to deal with this.

"Sho, this really isn't a good time. Come back tomorrow." Said Shimazaki. The love bubble could be popped and he knew that Sho would be the one to pop it. Sho would make it his business to pop it. God….that kid. Sho was eleven and going through changes and having a lot of new feelings and all of that other stuff that you were supposed to talk to kids about, that when a boy becomes a man shit, and Shimazaki…well he would talk to him about all of that stuff but later. Not now.

Not when he was in the Valentine's Day love bubble.

"But….I have chocolate and you can have them." said Sho. He didn't want these, Emmy made him these, and they had love inside of them. They were full of love and he didn't deserve her love because he lied to her and…and maybe it was ok because it was a pragmatic choice and…and maybe he'd feel better if he talked to someone and…

And maybe he wanted to give Valentine's Day chocolates to the person he actually was in love with.

"I do like chocolate…" said Shimazaki. Well maybe he could pop the love bubble for just a minute. There was the waver to Sho's voice, the one that he got when something was wrong, and there was so much in that kid's life that could go wrong. Wasn't this the day, too, that he was going to ask that girl to get child married with him? Yeah…that was big, maybe if he just got up and-

"We have chocolate right here. Ryou, don't you dare go out there and give Sho the wrong idea….any more so than you already have." Said Minegishi. No. This was not going to get any worse than it was now. Sho…had a lot of problems…and his problems were big…too big for one little boy…and he did not need Ryou making it worse on him.

"Toshi…you're right." Said Shimazaki. He hadn't thought about it like that. He mostly just wanted chocolate but…well he also wanted to be there for Sho…but this was Valentine's Day. This was Valentine's Day and Sho was madly in love with him….and maybe this wasn't the time to accept candy from the kid who was madly in love with him.

"I know that I'm right." Said Minegishi

"Hey Sho…now's not a good time. How about you give those to your sister or something and we'll hang out tomorrow, ok?" said Shimazaki

"….because you're with Minegishi…right?" asked Sho. He felt like the goldfish in his stomach was trying to eat his heart. This was….why did this have to happen to him? Why did….why did someone else want to leave him? Why did…why did Minegishi…why did they get him?! What had they done to get him and…and he hated them and….and he didn't want to hate them but he did…and he didn't want to be there but….but he didn't want to leave…

He just wanted the hurt to stop.

"I am….but that doesn't mean that we can't hang out. Sho, you know that I think that you're a great FRIEND and shit but this isn't a….friendship day…ok? Just…tomorrow….alright?" asked Shimazaki. He could feel the pain radiating off of the kid's aura and he hated being the cause of it but…well he had to…maybe just….he loved Toshi and he loved the kid and he had to do what was best for the kid and his relationship with Toshi and…

And he missed being a free agent.

He missed being alone and free to go from place to place doing whatever he wanted with no thought to any other human being but himself. Those were the days. These were not the days. These were…..well they were good, and in some ways better, but also in some ways worse. Like this. This was worse. The kid felt like crap and…and he hated sad people. They were so boring. Boring and…and also they made him sad…and he was so boring when he was sad…

And he did not do boring.

"But…Emmy said that she would marry me…" said Sho. He just…he needed to tell someone. This was…he had thought that it would be just a thing that he would have to do and once he did it then he would be ok…but he had done it…and he still wasn't ok. He wasn't ok at all and…and he just…he wanted to be with someone who made him feel ok no matter what….

But that person was with someone else…and it hurt….

"Congratulations! I knew it'd work out for you." Said Ryou. Truth be told he had no idea what the kid was going to do. He had never sat the kid down and asked him what he was into to…and also it was none of his business. He didn't mind getting into other people's business, it was fun actually, but getting into Sho's business was like getting into Toshi's business. Off limits and not something that he would want to do anyway. He just wanted the two of them to be happy, that was all, and Sho…well he seemed petty fucking miserable….

Toshi's hand around his wrist.

"Yeah…I guess it did…and she says that she loves me and-" said Sho. He didn't know what to say. He felt sort of like he was falling…like he was falling and he wanted to pull himself out but he couldn't because pulling himself out would have been like running away…and he wanted to run away…but he couldn't run away. He had to do what he had to do and what he had to do was marry Emmy. What else could he do?

"Then why aren't you with her?" asked Minegishi loudly. This….child marriage…or whatever was so fucking ridiculous. They would have pegged Mob for the one with the grand marriage plans. Nope, it was her little brother. Her little brother who obviously wasn't ready to be honest with himself…so he was going to lie to someone else. Those were not the words of a little boy who thought he'd met his soulmate…if that was even something that could happen. No, those were the words of a little boy who was lost and scared and needed someone…

He needed someone who he wasn't in love with. He didn't need anything else to deal with right now.

"Shut up, I wasn't talking to you! And I couldn't be with her even if I wanted to because she had to go home…and I do want to be with her…and…and….fuck you!" said Sho. He kicked the door…and then he did it again…and again….and again. He kicked the door until his foot hurt and then he kicked it some more. Minegishi…he hated them! It was their fault that everything hurt! Why did they have to be…there…and…alive…and stuff and….

And it hurt.

So he left. He left because he was hurt. When you were hurt you went to go and get fixed up…so that was what he did. He didn't need to stay there. Shimazaki was with the person he loved, the person he actually loved, and person you loved was worth more than best friend. Last year he had thought that he hadn't been able to compete with boobs. This year he realized that it wasn't just boobs, it was all the stuff that came afterwards, the stuff that you did when you were in love….

And Sho knew that he couldn't compete with love.

"Well that's one way to get rid of him." said Minegishi with a sigh. Well then. Sho…they felt for him. They really did. They felt for him and…and this was kinder to him in the long run. He was in love with Ryou and he didn't need to think that there was hope there. Minegishi knew what it was like when you were in love with someone who could never love you back. It was hard, and it hurt, and it was better to have never loved at all then having loved and lost…and they felt for Sho, they really did, but enough was enough.

And, really, this had been going on for years now. Enough was enough.

"Toshi, come on. Be nice. He's going through a lot and-" said Shimazaki. He knew what it was like to be in love with someone you could never be with. He knew how it was and…and love was just…it was so good and so bad but also it passed. He knew that Toshi would rather it had passed sooner but he knew that it would pass in it's own time. It had already been years so it couldn't have lasted much longer. Right?

"And he's in love with you." Said Minegishi

"I know. I don't care." Said Shimazaki

"Well I do. You're only going to make it more painful for him in the long run." Said Minegishi

"Yes…I guess…but I don't want him to be in pain in the short run either, you know? He's a lot like me…like he could have been my kid or something…" said Shimazaki. He played with some of Toshi's long hair while he spoke. The hair there, in the front, was the longest. Sometimes they wore these metal things in their hair, but not today. Now their hair was long and soft…well Toshi soft…and it was long and…and he loved them so much…

And he would have loved any person that they made, too.

"He looks nothing like you. He's clearly Suzuki's." said Minegishi. He was playing with their hair. He was talking about the two of them having kids. They knew what was on his mind. They knew what he wanted and they knew that it could never happen. Not with who they were as people. Not when they couldn't even take care of themselves. Not with the lives that they'd lived. Not with the lives that they'd lived now.

"I know he's not actually mine….but I like to think of him as mine. I mean like he's practice in case we ever decide to have a-" said Shimazaki. His other hand, which had been in theirs, went down to their stomach. He hadn't meant anything by it, he had just been thinking, but judging by the way that Toshi tensed up they thought that he meant something by it. Maybe he…well they knew what he wanted….but he also knew how they felt and…

And kids…well they probably weren't going to happen…but a guy could dream.

"Abortion?" asked Minegishi as Ryou rested his hand on their stomach. They weren't going to have kids. Ryou wanted kids like he wanted a dog. He wanted the idea of kids, the fun parts of kids, but when it came to the hard parts they knew that he wouldn't be able to handle it all…and neither would they.

"Toshi…you know that you don't have to-" said Shimazaki. He wouldn't have left them. Yes, alright, it was their choice but he…well he wouldn't have just abandoned them. He wouldn't have just left them to take care of their kid…and he knew that they were afraid of that. Well they were afraid of a lot of things but he knew that they were really afraid that he wouldn't be able to handle it all. That he only wanted the fun parts of having a kid. He…well he liked the run parts…but he got the feeling that he would have been able to handle the not so fun parts either…and even if he couldn't then he could learn how to. He'd do that for Toshi. He would have done anything for Toshi.

"Well I would want to. We can't take care of a baby, Ryou, we can barely take care of ourselves. I mean look at the great job we've been doing with Suzuki's kids." Said Minegishi. They pulled his handoff of their stomach. No kids. Mob was kid enough for them. Ryou thought that kids were all fun and games. He wasn't the one who had to carry it for nine months, he wasn't the one who had to feed it, and he wasn't the kind of person who stuck around when things got difficult…and Minegishi wasn't the sort of person who wanted to make their life more difficult than it had to be.

Theirs or anyone else's.

"I'm pretty sure most of their problems come from being his kids." Said Shimazaki. If anyone could fuck up a kid it was Suzuki. He was kind of like Shimazaki's dad but in some ways better…and in some ways worse…but Mob and Sho were going to be ok. He wouldn't let anything serious happen to them…and he had to do something about Sho…and he would. Later. Once Sho calmed down and Toshi…well Toshi needed him right now…and he loved them.

Well he loved them and he loved

"Yeah, they're infected by his genetics just like our kid would be infected by our genetics." Said Minegishi

"I still don't think that we'd be that bad at it-" said Shimazaki

"Ryou, I don't want to talk about this anymore. So let's not." Said Minegishi. There was some silence. The hand that had been on their stomach, and then in theirs, rested on the side of their hip. Right on the bone. If he moved his hand just a few centimeters he would have come to a long, rough, line...and he knew how it had gotten there...and he knew not to ask again. They'd learned each other's scars already…he'd told them about his and they had told him about theirs…

And they didn't want to explain their scars to anyone else.

"Alright….what do you want to talk about?" asked Shimazaki. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Toshi…and they were dangerously close to being upset. No. The love bubble had not been popped, they were still cuddling and if the cuddling as happening then the bubble had not been popped. The bubble was deflating but that was not the same as popping and…did soap bubbles even deflate? Or did they just end up popping? He didn't know. Sho would know, he knew about this stuff, and they could figure this out together later on.

But not now, no, this was Toshi time.

"I don't know." Said Minegishi. What? Why was it all up to them? Why did it have to be up to them all the time? They were the one who planned everything. They were the one who took care of everything. They were the only person, it felt like, who could think more than ten seconds ahead.

"We can talk about whatever you want. I just want to hear your voice." Said Shimazaki before he kissed the back of their head. Toshi…they were upset…and he had no idea how that had even…well the thing with Sho. Toshi was right, he should have done something about that a while ago, but he just…he had no idea what to do…but he at least knew what to do here. Hold Toshi. Be there for Toshi. Love Toshi.

Nothing that he couldn't do.

"Oh? And why?" asked Minegishi as Shimazaki got back to peppering them with kisses. He thought that every single problem in their lives could be pacified with kisses and cuddles…or smoked away…or drank away….and maybe he had the right idea. Minegishi could feel themselves getting better…and he just…God….

Fucking Ryou….they loved him so fucking much.

"Because I love your voice. I love everything about you, you know." Said Shimazaki between kisses. Yeah, that was it. Toshi was getting better…he loved them so fucking much sometimes…all of the time.

"Such as?" asked Minegishi with a sigh. A good one. He just…well that was….that was nice.

"The way you breathe…" said Shimazaki before he kissed the back of their neck.

"Ryou…." Said Minegishi

"The way you smell…." Said Shimazaki before he kissed the side of their neck. They smelled good. He didn't know what they were on about. They smelled like themselves, sweet, but also earthy like their plants, heavy like not washing, musky like sex, and also they had a generous dash of him. His cologne, his sweat, the way he smelled….they were his. He got the feeling of it, that they were his, and they didn't belong to him…and he didn't want that….but there was something so primal to having his partner smell like him….

Primal, not possessive, never possessive…because they were his partner and not his possession.

"Ryou, come on…" said Minegishi as he turned them onto their side.

"The way you taste…" said Shimazaki before he kissed them. They did taste good, well they tasted like him and he, of course, tasted amazing….but so did they. They were amazing and like…like if you mixed pudding with sunlight…if that made sense…he didn't know. Love. Toshi tasted like love…if that even made any sense at all.

"Ryou….I haven't had a bath today…" said Minegishi as he moved from their mouth down their chest. They were sweaty. They must have stank, especially to him, or maybe because of him. Like a mixture of them but also not washing…not that they wanted a bath. A bath would have meant getting up off of their bed and that was the last thing that they needed….and not just because they wouldn't be warm and comfortable.

If they got up then they knew that he would teleport off somewhere. Not out of malice, never malice, but sheer boredom.

"The way you feel…" said Shimazaki as both of his hands traced up and down Toshi's body. They were slick with sweat, both of theirs, and they made from easy reading. Toshi told a story, their back was a chapter in and of it's self, but even with that chapter and a few others he didn't mind. He loved their story, even the sad parts, even the parts that they didn't like….

That didn't matter. He liked, loved, every single part of them.

"Ryou come on, I'm not a book." Said Minegishi softly. They were being read like one….and they didn't know if they wanted this. They knew that he'd read them before, inside and out, and they knew that he had never once minded what was there….but that didn't matter.

They minded what was there.

"But most of all I love you." Said Shimazaki. Toshi was a book, they were his book, and he was theirs. Their hands were on him now, on his chest, and up and down and across. He was more like one of their books, he knew that he was a lot to look at, and he didn't mind if they looked at him. Even the parts of him he had tried to cover up. Toshi knew what was there and they had never once minded. He loved them, they loved him, and there was no need to worry….so he didn't…and Toshi did. Their phone vibrated, they tensed up, and he didn't ask. Asking would have popped the love bubble. He felt Sho's aura…angry and pointed and so loud…and he would deal with that later, not now, because that would have popped the love bubble….and he didn't want to pop the love bubble. Not today.

Today was Valentine's Day, the one day when you were supposed to be in a love bubble, so he would pop it tomorrow.