Whenever something had gone wrong in Sho's life he went to Fukuda.

Fukuda may have been a secret teller and he may have been friends with dad, and he may have disliked big sis for some stupid reason, but Fukuda had always been there for him and always would be there….and Sho needed him. Not that anything had gone wrong, no, everything had gone right. Emmy had said yes and taken the ruing and now he had a girlfriend and a wife and a fiancée and…and this was what he had always wanted. To be normal. Now he was being normal and doing all the things that normal guys were supposed to do. He was normal and now dad could stop being an asshole….well about this part of Sho's life….and now he didn't have to worry about dad ever finding out what he was like…and who he liked….and just….

He needed Fukuda. He need to feel better.

"Fukuda! I know that you're home!" said Sho as he threw the door opened. It bounced off the wall…and also there was a hole in the wall now…but he didn't care! He needed….well he didn't know what he needed was specifically but he knew that he needed to feel better. Fukuda was the person who made him feel better. Therefore he needed Fukuda.

Right fucking now!

There was a crash from the kitchen and then heavy footsteps shook the house. Sho remembered to take his shoes off. He was supposed to do that because he was Japanese and in Japan people took off their shoes and…and Emmy wasn't Japanese and maybe she wore shoes inside….and that was just weird and gross but she probably thought that he was weird and gross because he took his shoes off….but maybe she liked that because she liked things that were weird and gross, she loved gross stuff, and she loved him and maybe he was weird and gross and…and….

And he just needed to take off his fucking shoes!

"Sho, what wrong!?" asked Fukuda as he dodged a shoe that went flying at his head. He managed to dodge the first one but the second one clipped him on the shoulder. He didn't care about the cold wet patch that was forming on his shirt, or that he could hear the pot on the stove boiling over, Sho needed him…maybe even more than ever if his aura was anything to go off of.

And the fact that he was sitting.

He was sitting cross legged on the floor with his head in his hands. Sho…was an active kid. When he had big feelings about something he had to move to get them out. He'd always been that way even when he'd been a baby. Every single cry had come with it's own interpretive wiggle dance. Suzuki had thought that Sho might have been hyperactive. Masami had just thought that he was her spirited, active boy. He wondered what she would have thought of Sho now. What she would have done…well she would have comforted him of course. She would have gotten down on his level and told him that everything was going to be alright and that she would have been there for him and…well all of the things that Fukuda knew that he needed to say to Sho.

He didn't need to channel his inner Masami. He knew what she would have done. He had been doing it for almost as long as she had.

"Sho…come on, talk to me." Said Fukuda as he knelt down beside Sho. He could hear his pot continuing to boil over, and the timer on his phone was going off now too, but Sho was worth some overcooked and possibly burnt pasta. He was worth kneeling down on a wet floor. He was worth the pain that came when he patted Sho on the back, his aura was flaring like crazy, and he was worth the pain of being ignored too.

Sho was worth everything and more.

"….I feel like crap…." Said Sho. He knew that he should have lifted his head and looked at Fukuda when he talked to him…but if he did that then he would have ended up saying or doing something mean. He had already thrown a shoe at him and not on accident. He had just been md…and he had been getting it out in one of the worst ways possible. He was not going to be that person anymore. He was not going to hurt other people when he got mad anymore. He was mad….that was one of the feelings inside of him…he was so mad and…and he needed to go to a dark place where he could be alone…just like the book said…

The book that Minegishi had gotten him.

Minegishi….he hated them…he really did! They were with Shimazaki and…and it wasn't fair! Why did they get to be with him….why?! Because they were a girl!? They didn't even want to be a girl! And it wouldn't have mattered if they were a girl or not because Shimazaki liked guys too and…and Sho was a guy…but he wasn't allowed to like guys and…and if he'd been a girl then he could have been a irl who didn't want to be a girl but then he still could have been with Shimazaki and…and….and…and it just wasn't fair! It wasn't fair and…and….and he wanted to beat Minegishi up worse than he had ever beaten anyone up before in his life! He wanted to beat them up worse than anyone had ever beaten them up before in their whole life! He wanted…

He didn't want to be that person…and he didn't want to be the person he was now either…so maybe he just didn't want to….be…anymore…..

"What?" asked Fukuda leaning in closer. He hated it when Sho did this, when he got all inwards like this. It wasn't good for him to keep these things inside. The longer he kept things inside then the more likely they were to come out later in other ways. So far his explosions came out to breaking things, yelling, and hitting people…and that wasn't ideal but it was better than what could have been. He never, almost never, lost control of his powers. Not even now. Sure his aura was painful to the touch but…well this house wasn't going to explode anytime soon.

Not that Fukuda couldn't have survived it if Sho ever felt like following in his father's footsteps.

"I said that I feel like crap! I feel like….like…like…like beating Minegishi up hard enough to bleed! Like beating them up and also…also myself and…and I….I hate Valentine's Day! And I hate love! And I hate…I hate everybody! Ok?!" said Sho. His voice hurt at the end of that. Now it matched his stomach. Now it matched his heart. Not it matched every single part of his body. This was…he'd never felt this before and…and he needed Fukuda to fix it…

So why wasn't he fixing it!?

"Fix it! Fix it right now! You make people feel better, don't you?! That's what your powers are so…so use them and just….just fix this!" said Sho. He grabbed Fukuda by the shoulders and shook him. Fukuda just pulled him into a hug…and then…and then the hug was just….not everything could be fixed by hugging! What, had he been hanging out with big sis or something!? Why did he dislike her so much if he was going to think exactly like her and act exactly like her!? If he had wanted a hug then he would have gone back home and told big sis to hug him until he couldn't feel feelings anymore! He didn't want a hug he wanted….

Well he had no idea what he wanted….but it wasn't a hug!

"Will you stop hugging me already?! I said to make me feel better! So do that!" said Sho as he pulled away from Fukuda. He wasn't that strong. When Sho had been little Fukuda had been the strongest person he knew next to dad. He had been able to lift him in one arm and big sis in the other. He had even been able to lift mom too, once, though he may have dreamed that. He could sort of remember getting up to pee in the middle of the night and seeing Fukuda pick mom up and carry her…but that must have been a dream.

He dreamt about mom a lot…even back then.

Mom would have made him feel better. Mom would have been there and her hugs would have made everything better. She knew how to give those kinds of hugs because she was a mom….and Fukuda…well he wasn't a mom. He wasn't a dad either but dads didn't give hugs. They hit you and told you that they hated you but also that they were happy with who you were becoming….well when you did what they wanted. He wondered what mom would have said. He wondered what mom would have said if she had been there….well she would have agreed with dad….or maybe not….he didn't know.

How could he have known? She'd been gone for pretty much his entire life.

"Sho…you're right. Come on, let's get some food in you. I'm making pasta and I haven't added the sauce yet. You'll feel better after you eat and then we can talk about….all of what you just said." Said Fukuda as he let go of Sho. He helped Sho to his feet. They needed to eat something. They needed to eat something and then talk this out and then…well and then he would figure out what he was going to say next.

If it would even help.

"Fine….but I want ranch and butter with mine….I guess." Said Sho. He wasn't hungry, he just took Emmy out to eat, but he didn't want to sit in the doorway all day and feel bad for himself. He didn't want to feel bad at all. He wanted Fukuda to just use his powers to make him feel better…but just…that wasn't how this worked. This wasn't like the time he got bit by snakes or rats or even the time he did a bunch of tattoos all on his own. This wasn't his body, these were his feelings, and they sucked but….

But this wasn't the kind of thing that Fukuda could fix with his powers.

This was just….maybe this was unfixable. This was just…the way he was. He was…he wanted to yell and scream and break things but…well also he wanted to….not. He just…he wanted to stay sitting on the floor all one his own until all the time in the world passed and he just…got up one day and the everything would be over and the Earth was getting swallowed up by the sun…and then…well and then he would be ok and…

And he wouldn't do that. Big sis would be mad if he just stayed in one spot until everyone died and the world got swallowed up by the sun.

So he got up. He got up and he let Fukuda lead him to the kitchen. The pot on the stove was boiling over. Sho moved it to the other burner with his powers. Big sis hated it when that happened. She said that when that happened it messed with the burner and also made a mess that she had to clean up. He hoped that whatever Fukuda had been cooking was ok. He had just said pasta but there were a million ways to make pasta. He knew, Shibata had done them all, and big sis had tried some different kinds too. Like with olive oil and cheese….that was good…but with ranch and butter was the best….but the way big sis made it with the super thing noodles and the thick ranch and the salted butter….and maybe he should have just gone home and had dinner there….

But home had dad in it…so he was going to have to stay here.

"Thanks." Said Fukuda as he got the spaghetti strainer out of the cabinet. It flew from his hands and into the sink. The pot followed it and strained quickly. Fukuda ducked as the pot with the newly drained noodles flew back onto the stove. The fridge opened now, and the butter and ranch dressing flew out and into a bowl which liberated its self from the cabinet. Sho's Zootopia bowl landed on his table and filled with ranch and butter before what looked like a handful of noodles flew in.

He had good control over his powers…and that was good…maybe he was calming down.

"You want some parm too?" asked Fukuda as he sat down beside Sho.

"No, I'm not hungry…sorry." said Sho as he picked at his food with his powers. Fukuda handed him a fork. He picked at his food some more.

"No, that's alright." Said Fukuda. Sho either wasn't hungry or he had finally grown out of…whatever that thing with the food was. Hopefully the latter and not the former….though judging by the way his aura flared out like that, worse than it had been flaring before, Fukuda had been wrong about that like he'd been wrong about so many other things in his life.

"No it's not! I wasted a lot of food and-" said Sho. He had taken al of this food and…and he wasn't hungry. He had just eaten with Emmy and…and she had held his hand and told him that she loved him and that being with him was like being in a movie and…and then she had kissed him and she had tasted like salt because she liked a lot of salt on her fries…which were called chips here and…and he just…he had so much to learn because he was her boyfriend…..

And he was going to be her husband someday….whether he liked it or not.

"Sho, you know what I get paid. You can waste all the food you want." Said Fukuda as he patted Sho on the back despite the pain that came from touching him. He really didn't care if Sho ate, just that he felt better. Maybe some poptarts and a can of frosting…but no. That would have been teaching him to eat his feelings….but better he ate his feelings than took them out on other people…or held them inside until he exploded.

"…it's not right to waste food. Mom said so. There are starving kids in other countries and…stuff." Said Sho. Mom had told him before that he and big sis needed to be grateful for the things that they had and that they needed to clean their plates and…and she would have been so upset if she could have seen him now. She would have been upset at him wasting food and being a jerk and…and also she would have been upset that he had been lying to Emmy even though it was the right thing because she was happy. She had told him that nobody had ever made her as happy as he did and…and that was just…he didn't feel good about…he should have felt good about making another person happy but instead all he could feel was like he was going to throw up all over this table.

"Well then I'll pack it up and ship it off to them." Said Fukuda with a laugh. His voice faltered as he realized that Sho wasn't going to join him.

"You really shouldn't do that. There's a kind of mold that grows on noodles. Emmy sent me a video about a guy who ate old noodles and then he wound up with the mold in him and his organs shut down and they had to take out a bunch of his intestines and stuff. It was gross…but cool. She likes gross stuff like that and…and I like that about her and…and stuff." Said Sho

"Ah, so this is about Emmy….did you…end up asking her?" asked Fukuda. He didn't know if he wanted that girl to have said yes to him…or to have said no. Both were things that Sho did not need to deal with at his age. Fukuda wished that Masami had been there. If she had been there then Sho would have been with her and none of this would have happened and…and he could not think about her like that. He could not think about how…in some ways…she was the cause of all of this. She was the one who had left the kids with Touichirou knowing-

Stop it, Tadashi, don't think about her like that.

"….yeah…and she said yes…and I don't want to talk about it!" shouted Sho as he kicked the table. He wanted to kick Fukuda…and then himself for wanting to kick Fukuda….but instead he kicked the table. If big sis had been there then she would have been proud of him….but she wasn't there, she was with dad…so he had to be….

He was tired of being who he had to be.

"Alright then…but maybe if you talked about it you'd feel better…" said Fukuda. He had no idea if talking would help or not. He had no idea what he could even say to this…but he would try his best…which was, really, all that he could do.

"What?! That do you want me to say?! She said yes and now we have to get married and I wish that I was a girl so that I could…shut up and eat some pasta." Said Sho

"In a minute. I'm not hungry right now…and if you want to be a girl then…well I'll love, you know, no matter what but…well that's a lot of 'what'…you know…" said Fukuda. That was…a lot of…well he had no idea what he was supposed to do with that. Slap a bow on him and call him Shoko? No…Suzuki…he would not be able to deal with that. He wouldn't be able to deal with it if he ever figured out that Sho was gay, despite being….something….himself, but if he ever caught wind of what Sho had just said…well then that might have been the thing to finally push him over the edge.

"Liar. If you weren't hungry then you wouldn't have made this in the first place. So just eat and…and….eat something!" said Sho. He didn't want to think about this! This was…Fukuda couldn't do anything about this so maybe instead of asking Sho about shit he should have just ate his goddamned mother fucking dick sucking pasta!

"I'll eat in a minute. Just…what's this about wanting to be a girl? Is this a way that you've felt for a while now or is this just because-" said Fukuda

"I don't want to be a girl! I just…wish that I had been born a girl and then…and then I could have been like Minegishi. I could have been a girl who didn't want to be a girl or a boy and…and then I could have been Sho…but Sho and also a version of myself with boobs and stuff." Said Sho

"So this is about Shimazaki again, isn't it?" asked Fukuda with a groan that he couldn't stifle. He had no idea what he was even….what could he do about this? He'd tried reasoning with Sho so many times…but for some reason he just could not quit that man! Sho…he needed a boy his own age. He needed a boy his own age to get this all out of his system with….good thing they moved around as often as they did…billions of boys on this planet and one of them must have been more appealing to Sho than Shimazaki fucking Ryou.

"No! Yes! I don't know! I just…I love him! I love him so much but he can never love me back and even if he did then dad….he's a dick sucking a dick! He's a dick hole sucking a dick hole! He's a girl's dick hole sucking a girl's dick hole! Like…like if a girl had a dick then he'd be the dick hole and-" said Sho

"Sho…I get it. I get the concept. So your dad did something to you too?" asked Fukuda. He would address Sho's language…later. Not now. Now he had to deal with…well the way Sho felt and not…the way he misused his creativity.

"Yes….no….not lately just….I don't know! I thought that things would be better if I asked Emmy to marry me, like he'd get off my back, but now he's all happy and…and he's happy and…and I just…why couldn't I have been a girl!? Then Shimazaki-" said Sho

"Sho, no. He's twenty years older than you and even if he had returned your feelings I would never have let you start anything like that with him. That's not right and….and….just….aren't there any boys your own age that you like?" asked Fukuda

"What? No, I don't know any guys my own age…and I just….it wouldn't even matter if I had someone I liked! I would never have been able to be with them! I have to be with Emmy and…and she's alright. She's nice and…and I wish that we could just be friends because…because…I don't want to get married!" said Sho

"Sho…calm down. You are eleven years old. Nobody is going to make you get married." Said Fukuda

"I won't be eleven forever, I'm going to be twelve and then thirteen and then-then a hundred and…and then I'll have to marry her and do stuff with her and…and I don't want to do that stuff with her. I don't know….I just…my heart hurts and my stomach hurts and…and everything hurts and Shimazaki wouldn't hang out with me because he's doing stuff with Minegishi and…and if I were a girl then I would have wanted to do that with him and-" said Sho

"Sho, come on, you know that's not-" said Fukuda

"I think I might want to do that stuff with him and…and we're both guys so we couldn't even and…and I like him so much and-" said Sho

"Sho, come on. You're getting WAY AHEAD of yourself. You…you're eleven and…and you're worrying about things that you shouldn't be worrying about right now. You are eleven years old. You shouldn't be thinking about that kind of stuff with anyone and…alright. You have Emmy and…well marrying her is still a few years off and…and why don't we worry about that later." Said Fukuda. Sho was eleven and….well Fukuda had been at about his age when he realized that girls weren't gross and were actually kind of great…and Sho…he was not ready for this. Sho was not ready for this and Fukuda was not ready for Sho to be ready for this.

"How can I worry about that later? I asked her today and-" said Sho

"We just won't think about it now. You and me…well we're going to think up some way to make things better. We'll…think up how to make these pragmatic choices a little less….pragmatic." said Fukuda

"I'm sick of pragmatic choices. Why aren't there choices where I can be happy? I just…she's happy. She loves me. She told me that she loves me….she said so. She told me that she loves me and that she just…that she's never had anyone who ever….ever kissed her before or loved her and…and I just…I know that I'm making her happy but also I know that I'm lying and…and ling feels bad and…and I thought that the lies would be over when I asked her to marry me but now it's like…now I'm going to have to tell her more lies…and also I have to see her naked and I don't want to!" said Sho

"Sho, you are eleven years old, you shouldn't be thinking about seeing anyone naked. Alright? You're very upset and you're letting things get away from you. Your mind is racing and you can't think and…I'm guessing that you went to Shimazaki's house again when you knew fully well what he would be up to and…and I know that it hurt. Seeing the person that you love most in the world with another ma-woman is hard…painful…" said Fukuda

"…you don't know what it's like. You've never had a wife or a girlfriend for the whole eleven years that I've known you." Said Sho. Nobody knew how he felt. This feeling was his and his alone. The love he felt…and the pain it caused…and he just…he wished that there was someone else in the world who could just…just feel this pain with him. Who had felt it and who could tell him when it would be over…when he would better…if he ever even could get better.

"I…had someone I loved, once. I loved her but she was with someone else….I'm pretty sure that I told you about this before. I loved her and she was in love with someone else and…and seeing her with him was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me…and I've been through a lot of pain in my life. Alright? Just….it isn't fair that you have to feel this way. It isn't fair and I wish that there was something that I could do….besides sit here and be here for you….I'm sorry." said Fukuda. Fukuda…he had no idea how he felt. Fukuda had been in love before, and he had lost the person he loved most in the world, but he was a grown man who had been in love with a grown woman. Sho was an eleven year old boy in love with a grown man and in a committed relationship with an eleven year old girl who was also his fiancée….

Fukuda wondered if anyone in the world had ever had problems like this before….and if they would be willing to give him a call because he was lost as all else here.

"…you don't have to be. I'm me and…and you didn't make me the way I am." Said Sho. He had been born wrong. He had known this for his entire life. There was something wrong with him and he had to work hard at being better….but even in trying he just made it worse….but there was nothing that he could do. He was…this person. He was this person and…and he had no idea why he even had to be….

"Sho…there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with the way you are…alright? You're a good person and you mean the world to me. You're such a good person to be doing…any of this. To be so worried about making people happy and…and your mom would have been so proud of you." Said Fukuda

"….I don't want to talk about mom." Said Sho. Mom was gone. She was gone and there was no point in talking about her. She was gone and even if she had been there she wouldn't have done anything anyway. She had never done anything when it came to dad. Dad was the one who wanted him to like girls and dad was the one who made all the rules. Mom had never once done anything about the way that dad treated him…even when dad hit him…even when dad hit him so hard and so many times that he had been sure that he was going to die….

Talking about her, thinking about her, all of it was pointless.

"Sorry, sorry, we don't have to. We can talk about whatever you want…or we don't have to talk. How about we have a sleepover? We can have a movie marathon. We can watch Zootopia…or maybe one of those other movies that you like." Saud Fukuda

"Can we watch the green inferno?" asked Sho. He wanted to watch people who felt worse than he did…even if it wasn't real. He didn't want to watch people getting chopped up for real, he wasn't crazy, but he just…wanted to see someone who felt as bad or worse than he did right now…if even for just a little bit.

"….do I want to know what that is?" asked Fukuda. That didn't sound good…but Sho…well he liked that sort of thing now….and Fukuda would have to get used to it…though he missed the days when all Sho wanted to watch was Zootopia over and over and over again.

"It's a movie Emmy told me about. It's like that cannibal movie we saw, the found footage one where the girl was-" said Sho

"That's enough…..I get it. Are you sure you don't want to watch….anything else? Something without cannibals? What about watching Zooptopia in every language? Remember how much fun we had doing that?" asked Fukuda. He wasn't ready for all of this. He missed the days when Sho had ben small enough to pick up. Back when his biggest problems in life were fighting over the TV with Shigeko or…or even when he had feeling he didn't understand for other boys. Like when he'd been in kindergarten and he'd been in love with that other boy and never shut up about him…what had his name been? It didn't matter. Sho was never going to be that age again. His life was never going to be that simple again….

But Fukuda could still do what he could.

"….yeah. That would be….yeah. Let's have a Zootopia sleepover like when I was little." Said Sho. He wasn't little anymore…but he would have liked it. He would have liked to have been able to go back in time and just…not have had feel this. Not have to feel love and guilt and pain and…and all of these other feelings that he hadn't had since he'd turned eleven…or ten…or whenever these feelings had started. He wanted….he wanted to feel better…and to forget and….and he wanted….he wanted this all to end. He wanted to watch Zootopia….and he wanted to feel better…so he would make himself feel better…so he would let Fukuda make him feel better.

That was what he did, after all, what his job was. To make Sho feel better.