Author's notes: Since my co-writer's unavailable, I have the duty of continuing on. Since I'm not sure exactly how to do that yet, I'm doing this intermission chapter from the point of view of Matt. (You know, Cassie's first love? Back-story is titled 'Life's Changes', and posted under The Lilac Elf of Lothlorien.)

That's all for the moment.

Ch. 10--- Intermission, or Conversations with a Dead Guy

I'll tell you flat out—being dead SUCKS! There are no clouds, and angels with wings and halos in flowing gowns. You go to the front of an endless hallway, and on each side are doors. These go to rooms where dead people reside. It's like the world's largest hotel.

There are meeting rooms, where you can find friends and family, but for the most part, you sit in your room, watching those you left behind.

Personally, my death wasn't too bad. I was unconscious when I went, so I felt nothing.

Later, though, when I saw what Cassie went through…. Man, did I feel bad. I hate myself for leaving her like that. Just abandoning her was the last thing I wanted to do. I saw her crying over my lifeless body, and…

It hurts to talk about that just now. Maybe I should talk about why I fell in love with Cassandra Ross. It was the first time I saw her… when she went into shock after the death of Maggie Rittman. She looked so innocent, as she held the young woman's body in her arms. So unlike a cop, it was strange.

Later, when I heard that she'd been shot by Adam Peters, I tried to imagine it as some big shoot out, but I knew it was probably something innocuous. Stuff seemed to sneak up on her… like the leg infarction. Hell, even I could have figured it out before the doctors.

But Cassie was a strong woman. She dealt with the leg thing, and became Brooklyn's best police captain.

You may have noticed that I now think of her as Cassie. I don't know how she felt about my using her full name, but it's so classical and elegant… not like the brazen, stubborn, woman she was.

When I got to the precinct parking lot where Cassie's leg gave out, I couldn't believe it. I still loved her. Even though it had been months since I'd seen her last.

The only thing that bothered me about Cassie's leg was her method of pain management. But I guess she thought that she could just deal with it on her own. I tried to help her, and I think at first I did. Then I was all insensitive and died and set her back. I was an idiot.

The day after my death, I saw her trying to pretend like nothing had happened. She went into work just like it was any other day. I saw her struggle, and I saw her lie awake at night until she could no longer keep her eyes open.

Then Jesse Spence came over and seemed to do what no one else could do: he got her to break down.

Cassie was a rock. She never let stuff really get to her.

Until me.

Then she started to fall apart. Oh, she made an excellent show of dealing with my death and everything, but part of her stayed closed off. Always afraid of connection, of being in a relationship with another person. Sure, her friends helped her, and even her father was always there with a ready ear and a shoulder to cry on. But even as great as she was, there was still the fear of loss…

Until Peters came out of hiding and attacked a doctor in New Jersey.

When Cassie got that news, I know she was excited, not only because of the prospect of finally catching the guy, but I think maybe she thought that the case would provide a much needed distraction. And it did…

In more ways than one…

I just want to say that I think Dr. Greg House is one of the most annoying bastards ever. And he was just the kind of foil that Cassie needed. Someone who would make her face her problems head on. Of course the fact that the guy had his own problems, not to mention the same leg problem, was really ironic and funny.

Then just after Cassie met House, she met Dr. James Wilson. And, damn, if she didn't like him straight away. Of course she hid it very well. Couldn't just fall in love again. Might get hurt…

Watching when Detective John Munch interviewed House… I almost died laughing. Which is an interesting sentiment, considering I'm already, you know, dead. But the two guys were digging at each other, and it was just funny!

Then House started digging at Cassie some more, and Munch and Stabler started threatening House…

Damnit, why could this have happened while I was alive?

Still, House is a good guy. As long as he stays away from Cassie. And makes sure that he keeps his nose out of Wilson and Cassie's business…

Man, if I could have picked anyone for Cassie to hook up with after me…

James Wilson treated her just like she needed to be treated. And he didn't care what kind of baggage she had, or what problems she had with her leg… he just wanted to see her smile. I heard him when he said "You know, you're cute when you're angry, but you're cuter when you laugh". It's true… Cassie's got a great smile, and a laugh that makes you feel good.

When Wilson kissed her… I wished it was me. But another part of me knew that Cassie was meant to be with him. Wilson would help her live like I never could. Still… it hurt to see them together.

Then they went to the hockey game, and I knew that Wilson was the right guy for Cassie. He loved her. And that's good.

I know that when Cassie finally ends up here, she'll have Wilson with her. And I'm okay with that. I know that I was only meant to be with her for a short time. Wilson's the one that she's going to grow old with. I just hope she's okay.

All I ever wanted was her happiness….