Big had said, once, that too much of dad's love wasn't a good thing.
She had said that too much of his love could be kind of smothery…and Sho hadn't been smothered yet…but maybe being smothered would have been better than this. Being smothered would have meant that he would have at least been back with the others. No, dad decided that he loved him now and not only that but that he was going to do something nice for him. Those were his exact words.
'I've decided against my better judgement that I'm going to do something nice for you, Sho.'
That was what he had said. Complete with using his given name, the name that dad had been the one to give him in the first place, and that…well that had been weird. Getting up in the morning to dad not even saying 'good morning' to him. Just…all of that. That he was going to do something nice for him…and then he did do something nice for him. A bunch of people came and packed him and big sis, and all the others up, and then Sho….well it didn't take very long for him to be all alone in the house….
The house was his and his alone now.
Dad was trying to give him more time with Emmy. He wanted Sho to be happy, he had said, but really all he wanted was grandkids. He wanted more people named Suzuki who had powers and he could boss around and who then would grow up to boss around the rest of the world…and all of that stupid shit. Well whatever. When Sho had kids then they could do whatever they wanted and if they didn't want to rule the world then they wouldn't have to. Sho knew that he sure as hell didn't want to rule the world….or maybe he did…or maybe he didn't because that was what dad wanted for him….or maybe he did because he would finally be able to do whatever he wanted to…or…something….
Maybe he just wanted to do whatever he wanted to do.
Well he had the whole house to himself, now, so he could do whatever he wanted in here. The house was so…echoy…without dad and big sis. Mostly without big sis. Dad mostly stayed in his room or in the kitchen but big sis was always everywhere. She played with him and talked to him…and even when she was next door he could still feel her aura…but she was gone. She was gone and the only evidence that she had ever been here was the fact that the walls and stuff were still blue. Whenever they had to stay somewhere long term dad painted the house blue for her. The inside, of course, because a house that was blue on the outside would have drawn too much attention.
But an eleven year old living on his own was just fine.
"Alright Sho, do you still want your room or do you want to move into the bigger bedroom." Asked Fukuda as he moved the last box of his stuff into the living room. Sho wasn't living all on his own. Dad had said that he could, that he was eleven and big enough to stay by himself, but Fukuda had said that it made more sense for them to stay together because he was still so little.
So which was it?
Dad said that he was old enough to get married and live on his own and Fukuda said that he was a little kid and that he needed to be watched. He didn't know which it was sometimes. He didn't want to be here on his own…but he did. If he was on his own then he could go to bed when he wanted to and eat whatever he wanted to and never take a bath and…and all of that other stuff that big sis made him do. But also if he was alone then…then he would be all alone. Big sis….she took up a lot of their room. With her clothes and her dolls and her doll houses and all of her books and…well she took up a lot of room in their bedroom. Now it was his bedroom….and he could finally arrange his stuffed animals the way he wanted to…and also he could put his sketchbooks on the shelves too because her manga was gone with her…because she was gone…and the room was so big now…
All the rooms were big now.
"I don't care. You can stay in dad's room if you want…or you can stay at your own house. Whatever." Said Sho
"I'll take your dad's room. I guess it wouldn't make much sense for you to have to move all of your stuff." Said Fukuda
"Yeah….I guess." Said Sho. He wanted…well he wanted to go to his room…and he wanted to be alone…and…well he didn't know what he wanted. His sister back, maybe, and all of his friends…but not his dad. No, the only good thing about being alone was that dad was an ocean away…or wherever he was now. Probably on a plane. They were probably on a plane now and they were probably fighting and…and he didn't care if they were fighting….because he wasn't on the plane so nobody was fighting with him and….
…and maybe he wanted someone to fight with him….
Shimazaki was good at starting fights. Sho wouldn't have minded fighting with him if it meant that he could talk to him…and be near him…near enough to be in his aura…and to smell his cologne…and also….also he needed to stop thinking about Shimazaki. He loved Minegishi more than him, Valentine's Day had proven that, and…and he shouldn't have liked him anyway. They weren't in love, they were friends, and he just….
He still wanted to be more than friends.
"Come on, don't be like that. How about we do something fun today like…um…we haven't been to the M&M store yet and I know you've been wanting to go-" said Fukuda
"Me and big sis went already. She got a kilo of blue and pink and I got everything but red. She won't let me have red. She says that the red ones make me crazy." Said Sho. That had been a fun day. Even if it had been really loud in there. They let you fill up these big bags with all the M&M's that could fit and that made up for the crowds and the loud music and the chocolate smell that could make you sick if you were in it for long enough. It had been fun…even if Shimazaki hadn't been able to come….and also even if he stolen all of Sho's M&Ms…
Stop thinking about Shimazaki. You're being stupid.
"Well do you want to go again? I'll let you have all the red ones you want." Said Fukuda. Sho didn't much care about red ones o blue ones or green ones or any other ones. He just…well, being outside was better than being here. Plus it was getting kind of late. Emmy's school was going to let out soon and Sho had to be there when it did. They were supposed to hang out. It made her happy when they hung out and she was his girlfriend and it was his job to make her happy.
He may not have been happy about having to do the boyfriend thing but he was good at it and he made her happy…and her feelings were the feelings that mattered.
"Alright, but we have to pick Emmy up too. She likes candy." Said Sho
"If….that's what you want to do. If that's what you think is best." Said Fukuda
"I do." Said Sho. He didn't…not….want to see her. He didn't dislike her. He liked her, she was fun, and…well it was the right thing to bring her with. Even though being near her made him feel like the biggest jerk on the planet. Like the worst liar who had ever told a lie in his life. Like someone who told lies and played with people's feelings and made them feel things that weren't real…
Well he had no idea if these feelings were real or not.
If they counted as real. He knew that she loved him and he knew that he made her happy….but all of that was based on her thinking that he loved her back. So did that mean that the way she felt wasn't real? Or did it just not matter if it was real or not or something because she was happy. Like when he told big sis that her curry was good even though she put weird things in it like shredded cheese. Like how he told Shibata that his pancakes were good even when he forgot them on the stove and one side burnt. Like when he told Serizawa that they were friends even though he was kind of annoying….kind of really annoying. Like when he told Hatori that Shimazaki wasn't going to mess with him but he was….well that one didn't count because it benefitted Shimazaki….and also it was funny. Everything that Shimazaki did was so funny and he was so cool and….
And Sho needed to stop thinking about him.
Emmy liked him and…well he didn't like Emmy like that….but it was ok because he made her happy. Like how the times he spent with Shimazaki, even if they were just sitting in his room listening to music together, were the best times in his life. He liked Shimazaki, Shimazaki didn't like him back, but that didn't mean that he wasn't the happiest he had ever been when he and Shimazaki were together. The happiest that two people could be.
He made Emmy feel the way Shimazaki made him feel….so even if he was lying he was still doing a good thing.
So it was a good thing to take a car to Emmy's school and wait for her to get out. He texted her but she hadn't even seen it. She had to keep her phone off in school. She had to follow a lot of dub rules like that. He was glad that he didn't have to go to school. He was eleven and he should have been in….he didn't know what grade he was supposed to be in. He couldn't remember how grades worked. He'd been in kindergarten when mom left…and so he should have been in…well another grade. One grade lower than big sis. A grade with uniforms…maybe….and a lot of rules and homework and other kids. Stuff that he didn't want to deal with.
Stuff that he had no idea how other kids dealt with.
So, really, in a lot of ways he was lucky. He at least didn't have to go to school. He at least didn't have to deal with being around other kids He remembered how hard it was sometimes. Being in a room with so many other people and just…it had been a lot. He'd had friends back then but nothing that was close to what he had now. He had a lot of friends and…and he just…he was happy not to be one of the kids filing out of Emmy's school in uniforms and with backpacks full of homework on their way home to their families who made them do chores and take baths and…and go to bed and…and not have poptarts for dinner and….and go to the M&M's store just for not reason and…and he was lucky.
So why didn't he feel lucky?
"Here she comes." Said Fukuda. He didn't have to point out the window. Sho knew what his own girlfriend looked like. She was walking out the door talking to some other girls…and one of them tried to knock the helmet off of her head. She shoved the other girl and stuck out her tongue. That was good. Sho didn't think that it would have bene ok for him to go and sort things out for her. You weren't supposed to pick fights with girls, Shimazaki had said so. He said that if girl wanted to fight with you then it was ok but if you went and tried to fight a girl or just started smacking her around then you were the worst of the worst and if you die, or were killed, then you would not have been missed. Shimazaki knew a lot about stuff like that, he knew a lot about everything actually.
Sho was lucky to have him….as a friend.
"She's lucky to have you, you know." Said Fukuda
"What?" asked Sho. His forehead had been pressed up against the glass of the window. When he pulled away he left a warm disappeared and left behind this greasy streak thing. Maybe he needed a bath….but he didn't want to take one. He didn't smell too bad, he thought, he couldn't smell himself yet anyway. Emmy didn't mind…but maybe if she did then she would decide that she didn't love him after all and she would find some other guy that liked her and that wanted to go out with her. Some guy from her school, anyway, one in that dumb school uniform….
Good boyfriends did not think these thoughts.
"I just wanted you to know that she's lucky to have you. You're really good to her, you know. I mean knowing how you feel and-" said Fukuda
"Emmy can't see us, I'm going to get her." said Sho. He didn't wait for Fukuda to answer him, he just got out of the car and went over to her. He buttoned up his coat as he walked. It didn't help much, it was way too big and the air still got in, but it did give him something to do with his hands when Emmy waved to him. She did that big wave thing that girls did to each other. Maybe they did that so that the other girls could know that they were waving to someone. She certainly got a bunch of attention. A bunch of girls were looking at her now.
"See? I told you lot I had a boyfriend." Said Emmy. She stuck out her tongue and walked right over to him. He kept on walking towards her. Sho had seen this in a bunch of big sis's movies before. The girl and the boy ran to each other and then the girl jumped into the boy's arms and then they spun around and kissed and then the music played.
She didn't jump into his arms, they didn't kiss, and music didn't play.
"Sho? What are you doing here, booger? You always meet me at the park." Said Emmy. She was looking around. He didn't know what she was worried about. He knew that she wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend, he didn't get why since boys and girls were supposed to like each other, then why did she just tell a bunch of people that she had a boyfriend? Or maybe he wasn't her boyfriend. He was her fiancée now…maybe….
She didn't have the ring on.
He had gotten her a ring and she wasn't wearing it. You weren't supposed to take those rings off. Not even dad took off his wedding ring and mom had been gone for five years almost. The rings were like a way of telling the whole world that you had someone and that everyone else had to stay away because you were not a cheater.
It would have been so great if Emmy had been a cheater.
That was also not a thought that a good boyfriend was supposed to have. He was a good boyfriend and he did not want his girlfriend to cheat on him. He did not want her to give him the perfect reason to run away. He did not want her to be with someone else even if she just…would have been happier with someone else….but no. She was happiest with him. He doubted that someone else, some other guy, would have taken her randomly to the M&M's store and or would have gotten her an eyeball in a jar or a helmet that some guy died in maybe or boxes of candy from across the world. He was the best boyfriend ever…which was good.
He was finally good at something…something that he should have been good at.
"I'm going to the M&M's store with Fukuda, the guy who takes care of my sometimes, and I was thinking that you might have wanted to come with." Said Sho
"Is your sister here as well?" asked Emmy
"No, she went with my dad and the others. It's just me and Fukuda. So do you want to come to the M&M's store with us or not?" asked Sho
"The one that's really far away? Sho, you know that I'm not allowed to take the tube." Said Emmy
"You don't have to, we brought a car. Do you want to come with or not? I can get you a bunch of whatever color you want…if you don't want to come with." Said Sho
"No, I want to come but…I can't be gone for very long. Mum doesn't like it when I go so far from home." Said Emmy
"It won't take that long. When you have money they just let you go to the front of the line." Said Sho. Money was, in a lot of ways, like a cheat code for life. When you had enough of it people let you go to the front go every line. Big sis hated doing that. He didn't mind…so maybe that was a good thing about her being gone…or maybe he was the one who was gone…or maybe they were both gone. He didn't know. Maybe there weren't any good things…or maybe the bad outweighed the good. He really didn't know.
If big sis had been there then he would have had to talk more so maybe this was a good thing too.
"So, Emmy, how's school going for you?" asked Fukuda. It was weird hearing him speak English like that. It took Sho's brain a minute to remember that it was Fukuda who was talking. Sho didn't mind, though, since if Fukuda was the one doing the talking then he didn't have to. It was good that big sis wasn't there, though, since when she was there Fukuda didn't talk as much and neither did she. They didn't like each other very much…and he had no idea why.
There were a lot of things that he had no idea about.
"Brilliant. Today we cut up giant worms and I got one all to me self, myself. It was the best. I got to decide where to cut and what to cut…well we had directions…but they were too boring so I just did it the way I wanted to." Said Emmy
"Oh….so you want to be a….surgeon when you grow up?" asked Fukuda
"No, that's too much school. I want to work somewhere interesting anyway. I don't like hospitals. They smell and they don't let you touch the machines or watch the operations. Also the vending machines have the worst snacks." Said Emmy
"Well…it takes people a while to figure out what they want to do with their lives." Said Fukuda
"Did you always want to be a nanny?" asked Emmy
"Well…I'm not exactly a nanny…but I have always wanted to have someone to take care of." Said Fukuda. Sho didn't need to be taken care of. He wasn't a baby. He could take care of himself. He could decide stuff for himself and…and he didn't….he didn't even know what he was so upset about. He was just….upset….but at least he didn't have to talk. That was why Fukuda was talking so much, maybe, because he knew that Sho wasn't in the mood. Fukuda was good at stuff like that, knowing what he needed so maybe Sho did need someone to take care of him…and stuff. He didn't know. He didn't know wat he wanted or what he needed…
Well besides the fact that he wanted candy…and lots of it.
"Bloody hell…it even smells like M&M's…" said Emmy. That was the first thing she said when they made it into the M&M's store. She was right, it did smell like M&M's, probably because it was four floors of candy from floor to ceiling. They also had shirts and toys and stuff but you could get that stuff on the internet or whatever…well you could get M&M's at the store too…but that was different. They didn't give you giant bags for them at the store.
This was going to be fun. He decided that this was going to be fun.
"It sure does…" said Fukuda in that way that he said things when he wasn't happy. He didn't like it in here, Sho could tell, probably because he was an adult. None of the adults here looked happy, not even the ones that worked there. He didn't know why. This was an entire store filled with M&M's, all the colors that had ever been invented, and if he worked here then he knew that he would have been happier than he was now…
Maybe the happiest he had ever been in his life.
He had never thought much about what he would be when he grew up. He never had to. He was going to rule the world. Dad had told him so. The other kids had wanted to be firemen and astronauts and acrobats….and he had always just said, when he had been asked, that he wanted to rule the world. Either that or just an artist….that would have been great. If he had worked here then he could have had all the colors he needed to make M&M portraits….actually he could do that now without working here…
Ok, now he felt better.
"Come on, let's get all the colors. I want to make art out of these. I'll make something for you, too." Said Sho as he took Emmy's hand. Some of the other people here were holding hands so this was the place to do this. This was like a date….but a fun kind of date. He liked this kind of date. It was just…fun. He could even forget, maybe, that they were on a date. He could pretend that they were just a couple of friends getting all the M&M's in the world together.
"You'd make something for me? Really?" asked Emmy in that way that she said things sometimes. When her voice got kind of high and she looked up at him through her eyelashes, like she was trying to look over the top of her head or something. He didn't know why girls looked at him, and every single guy they liked like that he figured, like that. She held his hand tighter too…but that was ok. She was doing what she was supposed to do.
They both were.
"Yeah, whatever you want." Said Sho with a shrug.
"Can you make me an alien coming out of a guy's chest while he's still alive?" asked Emmy. She was still looking at him like that and she was still smiling….but at least she was talking about something cool. That was….the greatest idea that he had ever heard in his entire life….well the second greatest. The greatest had been the time that he and Shimazaki had moved all of those street signs and then people got confused and all the cars crashed….everybody survived so it was funny…even though big sis had been mad at him and Shimazaki for that….
He needed to make her something too…and little sis since her birthday had just passed….
"Fuck yeah!" said Sho. This was going to be better than he had ever even thought that it would have been. Now he had a reason for being there besides not having anything better to do…and also now he had a good present idea for baby sis…if he saw her…but he would. He and Fukuda always went to Seasoning City when they were alone together…and also he could get big sis the blue M&M's she liked and he could get her name on them…and she'd be happy….
"Language." Said Fukuda with that same groan he did whenever Sho cursed. Shimazaki would have cursed right back at him…and in English too. But Shimazaki wasn't there and…and he had to work harder at not thinking about him…so he wouldn't. He was with Emmy and he would think only about her.
"Feck yeah." Said Sho. Emmy laughed. She laughed and held his hand tighter. He had no idea how she had managed to hold his hand tighter than she had already been holding it but she had found a way. She was a girl and he knew that girls weren't supposed to be very strong but right now it felt like she was trying as hard as she could to cut off his circulation. But that was ok. She was his girlfriend and that was what girlfriends did.
They held your hand and never let go.
That was what Emmy did. They went to the pick your own M&M's floor hand in hand like boys and girls were supposed to do when they were in love. Emmy was in love with him and…and he could at least make her happy. It wasn't so bad. Dad may have been a piece of shit and an asshole and a dick hole's dick hole but he did know a lot about girls. Just so long as you bought them stuff and told them that they were pretty then they were happy and stuff….and also maybe they left you since mom had left dad but…well Sho was not going to think about that.
A good boyfriend did not think about that.
A good boyfriend thought about making his girlfriend happy and also M&M's. They got a bunch of the biggest bags and filled them with every single color that they had. The people who worked there looked at them like they were crazy. People looked at him like that a lot. Like when he and big sis used to go to Disney together and they'd buy all the souvenirs they could find. Those had been fun times…until they had gotten boring. Disney was fun and all but not if you went all day every day. Eventually you rode all the rides and saw all the shows and ate all the food and then it was just…boring. Hanging out with Shimazaki, with all of their friends, was way more fun than going to Disney….but Emmy had never been and he could take her. He had a lot of fun places to take her. Like the Lego store, she'd like that, and the London Museum of Oddities, and also there was this place in America that had the world's biggest ball of yarn. That had been cool but it was too big for the world's biggest cat to play with….and that cat hadn't been very big at all. It had been dog sized and not, like, lion sized or whatever….but Emmy would still have maybe liked to see it.
He'd take her to all the places once they got married.
But right now they would have to settle for the M&M's store. It was a good place to settle for, the kind of place that you would stay at for hours and hours. The kind of place that you could stay at forever. You kind of had to. Money could get you to the front of a lot of lines but not every line, not the personalize M&M's for you line, and that was the longest line that Sho had ever seen in his life…and he'd waited in line for Space Mountain before….in the summertime!
At least it wasn't hot in there.
Not really. He had his coat off. Fukuda was carrying it. Emmy had hers tied around her waist. Fukuda would have held hers too but she had her money in there, she said, though he had no idea why she would have needed it. She knew that he could get her whatever she wanted. He even knew how her money worked. He didn't really need Fukuda, that was why he was waiting away from all the crowds. Sho sort of wished that he could have waited with him.
But then he would have both left Emmy all alone and lost his place in line…and he needed the personalized M&M's goddammit!
"I'm going mad. We're never going to get out M&M's. Maybe we should just go, Sho, it's getting late and…well my mum is going to be so cross with me…" said Emmy
"We can go now if you want. Or you can have Fukuda have the car take you home and I can wait in line. I know how much you want these and I like getting things for you. I like to make you happy." Said Sho
"I wouldn't ask you to do that. This line looks like it's going to go on for ages. You'll be dead by the time you get to the front." Said Emmy
"No, I'll be fine. I have my DS with me and-" said Sho patting his left pants' pocket. He could have just played in line if she felt like leaving…not that he wanted her to leave….because those were not the thoughts that a good boyfriend had. He was a good boyfriend and as a good boyfriend he loved spending time with his girlfriend.
And he certainly never wished that she would go home before she got in trouble.
"Emmeline Marigold Magnolia McBride! What do you think that you're doing!?" someone was shouting. A lady with red hair and a face just as red. Her coat was red too. She was even standing by the red M&M's. Maybe she was trying to blend in. Well if she was then she was doing a bad job of it, standing in the middle of everything and screaming at the top of her lungs….and at Emmy too for some reason.
"Mum!" said Emmy. Oh. That was her mom. Sho had known that she had one, she talked about her mom a lot, but Sho…well he had never pictured the woman. Well that was…her mom. Right. People had those, didn't they? Real moms, not big sisters who tried to be your mom.
"Don't you 'mum' me young lady! You know that you are not to take the tube on your own and you know that you are not to wander so far from home! And you were supposed to be home ages ago!" said the woman, Emmy's mom. She looked like a mom. Well she looked like Emmy, same hair and eyes, but she also had that…look…and feeling that moms had. Sho…he hadn't been around a mom in a very long time.
"Sorry, I was here with my…friend…and I lost track of the time." Said Emmy. She had let go of his hand now and she was staring at the floor. She was in trouble. He didn't need to be told that she was in trouble. Sho…he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He knew that when your girlfriend was in trouble you were supposed to save her but…well he had no idea how to save her.
He had no idea how to talk to a mom….he hadn't talked to one since he was six.
"What friend? You know that you haven't got any-" said Emmy's mom.
"Hi. I'm Sho. Emmy's friend." Said Sho. There. That was something. He introduced himself with a bow…and maybe that was the wrong thing to do. Right. They didn't bow here…and now people were looking…and her mom didn't seem to be any less mad.
"What? What's your bloody name?" asked Emmy's mom.
"His name is Sho Suzuki, mum, he's my friend….the one that sends me sweets from his travels." Said Emmy quickly. She reached up and held her chest…well the necklace that she had tucked under her uniform shirt. She was still looking down…and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He knew that when she felt bad she liked to be kissed and told that she was pretty…but her mom was right there and she seemed like she would not have taken it well if Sho just started to kiss Emmy and stuff right there.
"Don't lie. First of all you never said that it was a boy who was sending you sweets and second of all you said that your friend was Asian. That boy does not look even one bit Asian." Said Emmy's mom with a wave of her hand. Sho…tried not to be upset. He didn't look Japanese, he knew that he didn't look Japanese, and he had looked this way his entire life. He had been more used to people drawing attention to it when he had been little since he had been around more people then…and it looked like he was going to have to get used to it again.
"Mum! You can't just say that people don't look Asian! That's racist! He's half Japanese…and now….mum!" said Emmy. She was covering her face and stuff now…and he didn't get why. People had always been like that to him, it wasn't like she had said some of the meaner things that adults had said to him when he'd been a little kid. That Japan is for the Japanese stuff….that made no sense because plenty of foreign people lived in Japan….and he wasn't even a foreigner! He'd been born there and so had his parents and…
And this was a dumb thing to get upset about…so he wouldn't.
"I…sorry. Just…sorry. Should I bow or….just….I'm terribly sorry….shuh-owe? Soo-soo-key?" said Emmy's mom. She…well she seemed less upset…so….yay?
"Um….I forgive you?" asked Sho. He had no idea what was so hard about his name. He was Suzuki, and there were a million of them, and Sho, which there were also a million of….but that was in Japan. This wasn't Japan and people weren't used to his name…and he didn't know why he suddenly felt so different. He had spent his entire life feeling different. Being different. This was a weird time to be bothered by it now.
"Sorry about my mum, Sho, she can be like this sometimes." Said Emmy
"No, you should be apologizing for yourself young lady. Now come along, you're coming home. You're in trouble. Now say goodbye to your little friend…you won't be seeing him or anyone else for a while." Said Emmy's mom
"Bye Sho….I'm sorry. Aishite imasu." Said Emmy as her mom dragged her away. She had said that she loved him but in a really weird way…but that was ok because she didn't know much Japanese. He could teach her…but later. Not now. Now he was all alone and…and she was in trouble so he might not have had to see her again for a while so…so maybe that was…he knew that he was supposed to feel bad but right now he just felt relieved. Like a huge weight had been taken off of him. Now he could just…well he would get them their M&M's but also ones for big sis and little sis too…and Shimazaki because he liked chocolate….and all of the others too so it wouldn't be weird. So they wouldn't be suspicious that he was in love with Shimazaki or anything like that. He was but…but nobody needed to know about that. It was a secret…feelings were secrets and…and his were and it could be a lot but…but sometimes they didn't have to be.
That was what the M&M's were for.
The best way to show love was with candy and a hell of a lot of it. There was no such thing as too much candy or too much love…not when it came from him, anyway.