A/N: Hey! So, this took WAY LONGER to produce than intended and I'm sorry about that. Depression has been getting me down pretty hard lately and sucks the will to do just about anything right out of me. It was a total struggle to write this and I hope it is up to par, not sure if I can really tell... This is more of a transition chapter than anything else. See you at the end of the chapter my loves.
Waking up Olivia is aware only of the ache she feels between her legs, both from the vigorous activities she and Rafa engaged in after returning home and from the need she still feels for him. There is a haze hanging over Liv's consciousness, due to small amount of booze that remained in her when she and Rafael finally fell asleep last night, or, more accurately, this morning, but she is able to feel the weight of the hair still piled on her head, pins still in place. There is a groan that sounds through the room and Olivia isn't sure if she has emitted the noise or if it had been Rafa.
As she is laying on her belly Olivia decides to take the easy route and merely slides her head along the pillow to now face Rafael. Taking in his appearance Liv tries to imagine how they must appear as a whole. She supposes the pair of them look quite thoroughly shagged. The thought makes Olivia laugh which, in turn, causes Rafael to drag away the arm that had been flung over his eyes and the reactionary smile crosses his features immediately.
Today they plan to simply enjoy each other, and think of nothing but themselves. Taking a vacation from reality and hiding away in their own world, just the two of them. As they lay naked under the covers both Rafael and Olivia take in one another, looking over at their spouse.
When Rafael breaks the silence it is a deep raspy voice that leaves him. Sleep and over use dragging the tenor of usual voice down an octave or two, "mi esposa, can you believe it?" There is a level of awe in his tone that Olivia knows is reflected in her features, "we did it! We are officially stuck with each other forever!"
Sighing Liv drags her body over to Rafa's to prop her torso over his, with a wide smile after she is comfortably draped on top of Rafa Liv replies, "I know, isn't it great?"
Cupping a hand to her cheek Rafa's smile matches Liv's "the best."
Following another session of love making that is slow and sweet and perfect Liv and Rafa finally drag themselves out of bed and into the shower. There they manage to keep from fooling around, instead helping each other wash. It is refreshing ridding their bodies of the salty layer of sweat that had clung to them. By the time they dress themselves it is nearly lunchtime.
Together the newly weds decide to reacquaint themselves to the real world and ring Lucia so that they can meet up for lunch with her and Noah.
An hour later Rafa and Liv and winding their way through a cluster of tables at a deli nearby to Central Park. Noah and Lucia will be arriving shortly. In the meantime the couple drops into the two seats beside each other on one side of the table, clasping hands together Liv rests her head on Rafa's shoulder closing her eyes. The pure contentment each of them feels is unfamiliar but not unwelcome.
They don't have to wait long before they hear the excited chatter of their seven year old bursting through the doorway, "hola Mami y Papi! Te extrañé." (hi Mommy and Daddy! I missed you.)
Noah isn't even at the table when he begins speaking and both Olivia and Rafael shake their heads laughing at their sons antics. There is always some part of Rafa that feels a swell of pride and belonging whenever Noah speaks Spanish and it returns full force even now, after only being apart mere hours.
"Nosotros también te extrañamos mijo, ven dame un abrazo." Rafael keeps his voice at a polite decibel and welcomes his son with open arms. (We missed you too son, come give me a hug.)
He takes a moment to enjoy the warmth of his son in his arms, to enjoy the love he feels for the boy and from him. It is one of the greatest things he has ever known.
Turning his nose into Noah's curls Rafa puts words to his feelings, "te amo mi alma, para siempre jamás." Raf squeezes extra tight for just a moment before letting Noah go. (I love you my soul, forever and ever.)
Meanwhile Liv stands to greet Lucia and is surprised when, instead of a hug, she gets the older woman's scarf wrapped around her neck and a knowing look sent her way. As Olivia blinks, slightly paralysed by the action Lucia finally pulls her into an embrace laughing lightly into the younger woman's ear. Returning then releasing the hug Liv plops back down into her chair.
Noah kisses his mother on the cheek before rushing around and wiggling his way into a seat beside Abuelita. Rafa sends a questioning glance at Liv who isn't sure how exactly to respond other than flicking her gaze over to Lucia and back.
The exchange prompts Lucia to lightly scold her son, "más autocontrol la próxima Rafi," she tells him sternly. (more self-control next time Rafi.)
Rafael goes entirely red at the scolding and Olivia and Lucia both giggle at his expense, though Olivia is still blushing from having the scarf put in place anyway. There is the distinct feeling of wonderment exuding from both Liv and Rafa that creeps its way into Noah and Lucia's hearts and subsequently drips out of them too.
Everything is light and easy for the family of four, they talk, and laugh, and joke. Even going so far as to letting Noah play with his food a bit, there is a pickle mustache that results from these more lacks rules.
Lucia pulls out her phone to show the newlyweds some shots she took of them the day before. It feels silly how crazy in love with one another they are, each frozen moment reflects the emotions well. Lucia isn't sure she has ever seen her son quite so happy. Not when he got accepted, full ride, into Harvard. Not when he became and ADA. Not when he got the transfer to Manhattan. No this happiness is something that he has never let out before, it is precious and rare and Lucia revels in the gift of seeing it first hand.
Liv and Raf barely move away from each other, still in their fantasy land, they constantly hold hands or at least rest some part of their bodies against each other. They are lovesick and not ashamed. There is a letter written and ready to be left for its recipients in Olivia's purse that will break up some of the cloud nine experience that is happening but it won't get her down for too long. She thinks this is the best way to do what needs to be done, for her own mental health.
She and Rafael will deliver it after they part ways with Lucia and Noah. Which should be any minute, though Noah had been taken home earlier than most of the guests he was still up quiet late and on a sugar high. The excitement of these past 24 hours is wearing on him and the adults can see the boy fighting to stay alert.
"Mijo, mirame. Abuelita va a tomar a su casa. Quiero que cojas una siesta para que no pongo de mal humor. Recuerda, voy a subirme en un avión mañana." Rafael says to Noah while slouching down in his seat to meet the boys eyes. (Son, look at me. Abuelita is going to take you to her house. I want you to take a nap so you're not grouchy. Remember, we are going on a plane tomorrow.)
As a testament to how tired he is Noah doesn't even appear to want to argue this request, "Sí Papi, recuerdo, vamos a Costa Rica." The sentence does put a smile on Noah's face. (Yes Daddy, I remember, we are going to Costa Rica.)
Though her Spanish has improved since she began dating Rafael she hasn't had the benefit of lessons with Lucia Barba so Olivia hasn't followed the exchange entirely, she knows enough to pick up the gist of what is happening and smiles at the easy way her boys interact. Content to stare at them Liv lets a goofy, happy grin take up residence on her face and feels her hand covered by Lucia's. Looking to the woman who has become like a mother to her Liv sees exactly her emotions reflected in Lucia's eyes.
"I always dreamed of having this, thank you Olivia, for everything." Lucia clasps Liv's hand between both her own patting the back of it gently before sliding her hands gently away.
After parting ways Rafa and Liv drive over to the 16th precinct for a quick errand. When they pull up to the building Raf cuts the engine and turns to Liv to take her in, expecting a sadness to be shrouding her but instead he finds that she looks serene. After a moment of Rafa taking in Liv's profile she turns to him, meeting his gaze and smiles.
Rafa checks in with her anyway, "want me to go in with you?"
Liv shakes her head lightly and pulls the letter from her purse, leaving her other belongings in the seat beside her, "no, thank you. I'll just be a moment."
She leans in toward Rafa, caressing his cheek in one hand, and kisses him. It is her way of letting him know that she is okay. She is ready to do this, and she can do it herself. After a chaste kiss Liv turns and lets herself out of the car. Rafa lets her go somewhat reluctantly, knowing the utter importance of this moment.
Climbing the stairs slowly Olivia follows a well worn path she has used for 20 years now, and makes her way to the SVU squad room. Liv allows herself a moment to reflect on how much has changed in her time here; everything, everything has changed since she first stepped through the doors of the precinct. But Liv knows that the changes, no matter how unpleasant, have made things better, allowed all the detectives here to be better. Herself included. She is proud of what she has done with SVU and the impact she has had in the unit, the force, the city, and beyond. Rafael is proud of her, he is often in awe of her and what she is able to do and it never fails to make Liv feel whole.
Stealing a strip of tape from the desk closest to her Olivia tapes the letter to what is no longer her office door. The plain white envelope seems innocuous and is very simply address to: Fin, Manda, and Sonny.
Running her fingers over the smooth paper surface Liv sighs and turns her back to the door and leaves it behind, ready to move on from this building. She knows it's the job she is leaving behind and not the accomplishments, the friends, the knowledge, the experience she has gained within its walls. Teaching will do her good, Liv knows this, she will see college students in their prime, not just the ones going through a most horrific experience.
Letting herself back into the passenger side of their car Liv takes Rafa's hand and smiles at him, the expression is steady and genuine. It gives Rafael confidence that this next step is going to be for the best. Raf kisses Liv before starting the car and winding his way to their apartment. He wants her again, he always wants her to be totally honest. When they are home they make love and lay in each other's arms with sweat slicked skin and bask in the bliss of their connection. Later they will check that they have everything necessary and ready to go for their trip tomorrow, but now they keep close, exchanging kisses and sweet words of affection.
"I love you so much Rafael," Liv's lips are at his neck and the vibrations of her words make Rafa squirm and giggle, while also filling him with such elation.
Rearranging their bodies so his lips are at Olivia's left breast, as close as he can estimate to where her heart lies beneath, Rafael presses a series of kisses on Liv's skin before returning her feelings, "te amo Olivia, nunca dejaré de quererte." (I love you Olivia, I will never stop loving you.)
The squad had taken Monday off to recover from the Sunday wedding they all attended, and it was a smart move on their part. Fin sent a text to both Sonny and Amanda complaining about his age and the correlation of hangover pains, neither of them were faring much better. Sonny slept until noon, waking up with the driest mouth and skin he had ever experienced and Amanda was sore all over. Heels, dancing, alcohol, and aging do not mix well. Getting some coffee and food into their bodies helped greatly and each made it through the day with relative ease.
Amanda recovered the best overall and didn't have a problem making into work the next day. She was the first of the trio to arrive, the first of them to see the envelope taped to the glass of Liv's office door.
It is with caution Amanda pulls the letter from its resting place, recognizing Liv's handwriting easily. The feeling in her gut is what slows her down, why would she leave them a letter, they could get by with her gone for ten days, Fin would take temporary control until her return.
Pulling the contents out Amanda sinks back into her seat and reads:
Fin, Amanda, Sonny,
I'm sorry to do things this way, I just know that it is the best option for me, the cleanest cut. My last days as an officer of the NYPD have come and gone, just like any other day. I knew if I were to have told you all what I was planning then there would be some sort of celebration, a retirement party, and I can't handle that. This place means so much to me but leaving just as quietly as I entered feels right to me. I want each of you to know that it is not you I am leaving, only the uniform. I know the hours are crazy and unpredictable but I'll be waiting at a moment's notice to see you, when you can make the time.
Maybe you would even consider a guest lecture in my class? It's going to be weird to be teaching these kids instead of reprimanding and investigating them, but I'm sure I'll adjust. Just as I am sure you all will adjust in my absence.
It has been both an honor and a pleasure working with each of you. You are all good detectives and great people. Take care of yourselves, I'll know if you don't and I will come after you. Don't forget I still remember all my training. Find happiness away from this place, don't be afraid to take some for yourself. I was scared for so long and almost missed my chance at it. Learn from my mistakes, and your own, and live better lives.
Leave here if you have to, there is nothing wrong in that. The job is important but it isn't easy, and we have to trust others to be able to step in for us and take over. The world isn't as dark as it may seem, there is good out there.
Love and marriage may have softened me up a bit, try it out, it feels pretty damn fantastic!
Remember I'm still a phone call or text away. I'll always answer.
With all my love and faith,
Liv
Through the course of reading both Sonny and Fin are now in their seats, looking at Amanda curiously as she reads on. Upon noticing their presence she holds up the paper to explain, "I found this on Liv's door this morning, it's from her." Shrugging Amanda swipes at her eyes quickly, "it's for all of us. I'll read it out so we can all hear it together."
A feeling a shock settles over the trio by the close of the letter. No one really knows what to say, how to react. Dodds comes in soon after they finish, as if on cue.
"Is it safe to assume you've read the letter she left then?" he asks quietly, gently, knowing the magnitude of what they are now having to deal with.
Numbingly Fin nods, "yeah, you get one too?"
Dodds shakes his head, "no, didn't need one. She planned it this way and I had to keep my mouth shut. I've coordinated with Brooklyn SVU to lend a hand while we figure out who needs to come onto the team here."
His shoulders shrug rather uselessly before he goes into the vacant office and sets himself up at the coffee table located there. Dodds seems somewhat shocked by the reality of things too, not using the desk he still views as Lieutenant Benson's, it has an owner and he is not it.
Things change, they move forward, or sideways, upside down, and sometimes backward. All we can ever hope for is that things change for the best.
A/N: That was the best way I could settle on for things to shake out. Something small and quiet, I feel like that's Liv's style. I don't know when I will have the next chapter but it will include scenes from Costa Rica and the start of the fall semester I think. Some Brandi and Lucy too, I hope. Please let me know what you think! Or if you have any requests, about this story or the pairing in general!
xx