Disclaimer: So sorry – I was just applying to by the rights to HP, etc when my dog ate the paperwork – hard to believe, uh?

Chapter 5: Creature or Drunkard?

In the farthest, darkest, dirtiest, foulest, stickiest, stinkiest, tackiest, smelliest, cornflackiest corner of the pub the Creature stirred. After putting down its spoon it slithered, slid, slinked, slothed. slumped and sleuthed its way towards the, now tippsy, McWink. Over the top of her final and 16th Pigsworth Special Ale (PSA) (Trade Mark) she noticed it approach her. Nearer and nearer it came. Nearer and nearer it came. Closer and closer. Closer and closer. Nearer and nea… (AN I think you'll get the point but I am trying to capture the authentic style of the JKR original).

"Why, Doubledoor the 9th?" McWink spluttered quizzically. "Is, is, is it truly you?"

"Yes, McWink, you drunken bloody elf, 'course it's me." answered Doubledoor the 9th (AN Doubledoor the 9th is also referred to as D-9 which was not only easier to say but also, and this is soooo important to an author, but also a lot quicker to write – I mean just look at the number of letters,including the superscript "th" , it saves one having to write. All you budding authors – this is a tip for free. Thanks in my reviews, svp) (AN Talking of reviews a big up for Berrtie Bots – all those regular hoards of readers, you must be feeling pretty sick now, while Berrtie, you must be walking on cloud 7).

D-9 (AN Check out the immediate use of my labour saving tip, neat huh?) gave McWink a steady, piercing look, "I've come for the answer to my question. You know what I want to know. ANSWER ME NOW!" he demanded.

"I, I, I can't. It's not allowed. ELFIE'd kill me if I did." squeaked McWink.

"Look here, I'll bloody kill you if you don't tell me." screamed D-9 (AN Neat 2nd use of shortened version, eh?).

"But it's not allowed. Oh please don't force me to do it.""For Vodaphone's sake. Just tell me your first name. If you don't I'll cast a spell so terrible that you'll wish you were never born. You miserable Hibernian-ised excuse for an elf."

"OK.OK. OK. I'll tell you. Come closer. No one else must hear what I SAY. You know that elves 1st names should never be uttered out loud. But you forced me to do it. OK. Here goes. My first name is….…"

Just at that moment a booming voice announced, "TIME GENTLEMEN, WOMEN, ELVES, ODD CREATUES, WARLOCK WHO ESCAPED BEING TURNED INTO HAGGIS DISH-OF-THE-DAY, WEREWOLVES, OGRES, MAGICAL CREATURES, CORNFLAKES, MIN. OF MAJ. OFFICIALS IN DISGUISE, FAKE FRENCH ACCENTED MERMAIDS, TIME PLEASE. HAVEN'T YOU LOT GOT COVERNS TO GO TO?"

"OK." said D-9 "You escape this time, McWink. But the hour will come, and it will come soon. I will have your 1st name and then the Prefect's Badge will be mine. It's only a mater of time and I can be Headmaster once again. Then I can be the very wise and all-knowing (even though I allow murder, mayhem and untold objectionable happenings to, well, just happen in my school) Headmaster once again. GobWarts Headmaster once again, do you hear? Do you hear me McWink?"

"Oh, do shut it D-9!" shouted all the gentlemen, women, elves, odd creatures, etc "We're trying to have a quiet final drink if you don't mind."

D-9 sloped off and out the door.

"Hummmm." Thought McWink "That was damn close. Now what was it that ELFIE ordered me to do? Oh, yes the head of POTTER! Better get on with it I suppose."

McWink left the Pigsmeade Pub, light of heart, looking forward to the task that lay ahead.

AN Could it be true HP getting his come-upance at long last. We can only live in hope, dear reader. Tune in again soon for the next fascinatig Disclaimer.

R&R!