The woman in the window had short black hair.
Her name was Hirai Masami. She had short black hair. She lived at 1919 Chili Powder Street, Seasoning City, in Saitama prefecture. She lived half an hour from Tokyo by car…and somehow four hours away by train. That was why her husband had gotten the car, despite the cost of parking in Tokyo, the train route was so inefficient and convoluted. She was married, the woman in the window, to a man named Hirai Eiji. He was a good man. He came home every day after work. He helped her with the washing up after dinner. He listened to her when she spoke to him. He watched TV with her in the evenings. He was a good man, a good husband, and a good father.
A father to their children.
"Mom, what're you looking at?" asked Madoka. The woman in the window had a five year old daughter. Her name was Madoka. The woman in only had the one daughter. The woman in the window loved her daughter Madoka. The woman in the window did not have a daughter named Shigeko. The woman in the window did not have a son named Sho. The woman in the window had a son named Juro. The woman in the window had another child on the way….and it was too early to tell what that child was…
But she would not name that child Shigeko…or Sho.
There was a tug at her sweater. The woman in the window looked down. There was her daughter, Madoka, looking up at her with her big brown eyes partially obscured by her hair. She had lost her clip at the park, her favorite Elsa clip, and the ensuing tantrum had been…something…but it had been something that had to be endured. They could not go to the park. Not tonight, no, there was dinner in the oven…and not tomorrow either. Or the next day. Or the next. Or the next.
The woman in the window could never bring her child to that park ever again.
"Mom? Hey mom, what are you looking at?" asked Madoka. She pulled the curtain to the side and pressed her face against the glass. There was nothing happening out there, nothing of note. The Taniguchi family was unloading their car, apparently they had tried their best to decimate the Costco, there was an orange cat sleeping next door on the Hirota family's porch, senile old Tsutsumitani-san was arguing with her son on the front lawn. Normal happenings for this little corner of Seasoning City. Nothing of note.
But she couldn't step away.
"Mom? What's happening? What're you looking at? At the cat? It's not doing anything. Mom….hey mom? What're you looking at?" asked Madoka. Masami…she had to say something. She had to think up a li and she had to think it up quick. It wouldn't have been the first time that she had lied to her child and it wouldn't be the last. Madoka thought that she was the oldest. Madoka thought that she was the only daughter that Masami had ever had. Madoka thought that…well she thought a lot of things. She thought the woman in the window was her mother…
And she thought that the woman in the mirror's husband was her father.
By the time Masami had noticed Madoka it had been too late to do anything about her. She had been too big, too old, and just…she couldn't have brought herself to go through with it anyway. Even if she had noticed that she'd been left with a parting gift. Even if she had noticed, before she felt something kicking, that her life was not her own…and that it never would be her own. She…had always wanted another daughter….just not with Touichirou.
Which worked out well since Madoka was, of course, not Touichirou's.
"Nothing, nothing. Just…seeing what's happening in the neighborhood." Said Masami. She had to say something, Madoka was tugging at her sweater again. The green one she had gotten for her birthday. She didn't much care for it, she would have preferred yellow, but at least her husband had gotten her something. He had noticed that her favorite sweater had gotten more or less unwearable and so he took it to the department store and had the salesgirls find him something comparable to it. Her husband Eiji. Her last husband…he wouldn't have noticed if she had been walking around in literal rags. He had never noticed anything about her. She had simply…existed…in his space. A mother to his children, a maid to clean up after him, and someone to occasionally share a bed with when he felt like doing something 'pointless'. That was who Suzuki Masami had been for over half a decade of her life…
She wasn't that person anymore.
The woman in the window was Hirai Masami. She was married to a man who loved her. A man who actually cared for her. A man who actually wanted to be with her. HER. He hadn't just married her to have someone to cook and clean for him and to have his children…in fact the children that they did have were totally unplanned. Sho had been…well Sho had been different. She hadn't known Touichirou when she'd married him…she'd actually gotten to know Eiji…and he had gotten to know her…and they hadn't gotten married because of the children anyway….though Juro had lit a fire under them for that….
The woman in the window led a completely different life from that of Suzuki Masami.
"Nothing ever happens in our neighborhood." Said Madoka as she pressed her face against the window. Masami reached over and pulled her hair away. She had so much of it. Long, brown, and oddly enough curly. Masami…well it had come out eventually that she dyed her hair. She would allow Eiji that one truth of her life…though her hair wasn't curly, it was wavy, and it was a might lighter brown than Madoka's. Easier to maintain, too. To cut and to style….none of her children had her hair…though maybe there was hope for the newest addition to her family…or maybe at least this one would have Eiji's hair. Madoka's hair was unmanageable…though not as badly as Sho's had been….and still was. He looked so much like his father…
All of her children looked so much like their fathers.
"Well something might happen and when it does I want to see it." Said Masami. She patted Madoka on the top of her head. So many knots…bath time was going to be an ordeal tonight…if she ever left this window. She knew that she was being ridiculous, if Touichirou had found her then he would have come for her by now, but the woman in the window could not shake the feeling that she was being…watched. She knew what she had seen earlier that day at the park. She knew that she had seen Sho…heard him….he was here, in Seasoning City…
And maybe…so was everyone else.
Sho was so tall now. He had shot up like a weed. He…he still had Touichirou's hair…though it looked like he hadn't brushed it in a while. He had been downright filthy too…but that was just how boy were. Girls too. Not Shigeko, of course, she had always been very neat and clean…and she wondered…if Shigeko was still neat and clean. She had to have been twelve by now…or going on it…did she still keep her hair in braids? Was she wearing makeup yet? It was too early for all of that…but Fukuda had always indulged the kids….and she wondered about him, too. If he still kept his hair that short. If he still loved vanilla ice cream…and historical dramas….and if he still liked to cook….and….well she wondered a lot of things about a lot of people.
There was no point in wondering anything.
She had left. She had done the right thing and she had left. What else could she have done? Sho had seen her. He had recognized her. He had tried to chase her. She had rushed away, of course, even though she wanted nothing more than to pick him up and hold him and never let him go. Ever. She…there was so much that she had wanted to say to her son. She wanted…she wanted to know how his life had turned out. If Touichirou had ever eased off of him….how Fukuda was caring for him…who that boy that he had been sliding with was. They had seemed pretty cozy….she wondered if Sho had a boyfriend…or if Shigeko had a boyfriend…or if Fukuda had found someone…or if Touichirou had….moved on….
There had been a red haired little girl at the park that day.
Masami hadn't stayed long enough to inspect the child but…well there were only so many redheads in Japan…and she…part of her wanted Touichirou to have moved on already. To have called off his search. To have found some other woman stupid enough to have his children and be his wife…no….not even his wife. His maid. His nanny. His occasional call girl. He didn't want a wife…he didn't want a partner…he hadn't even wanted her. If Sho hadn't come along, if they hadn't been so careless that day, then who knows how their lives would have turned out. Probably better…no. Sho would not have existed. Even if she had ruined her life…she still wanted her son to exist.
Even if they couldn't exist together….be together….like they had been before she still wanted Sho to exist.
"What could happen?" asked Madoka. Masami bit her tongue. A lot of things could have happened. Sho could have gone strolling down the street…or someone else. Maybe Fukuda and Sho…or maybe just Fukuda. That would have been…she would have preferred that Suzuki's men come barreling down the street in an unmarked white van to drag her away than…than any of that. Fukuda or Sho. Sho…he must have hated her…and she didn't blame him. She….she should have done more to get him back…she should have told Fukuda where she was…but then she would have had to talk to Fukuda…explain everything to him….
And there was no explaining any of this.
"Oh, anything really. You never know what you miss until you miss it." Said Masami. She forced herself to smile at her daughter…her only daughter. Madoka rolled her eyes. Not even six yet and she was already rolling her eyes. Shigeko had never done that. She had mostly just stared. The never ending staring…the same sort of never ending staring that Touichirou did. They were so alike, Shigeko and Touichirou, and…and at least she knew that one of her children was happy. Shigeko…well there was so much that Masami would miss out on when it came to her. The things that a mother taught her twelve year old. All the things that came with…well she had no idea if Shigeko had hit puberty yet…but there was still this sense of…of guilt almost. She had no idea what Touichirou would do when Shigeko decided that she wanted to learn how to put on makeup…or shave….or what he would do when she got her first boyfriend…or even her first real crush…and she knew that he'd be completely in the dark when she got her first period….and…and at least she had Fukuda to take care of her. He had always been so good to the children…and she knew that they were happy…
They had to be happier than she was….anyway.
"Alright, but you're going to be there for a while…because nothing ever happens on this street anyway." Said Madoka. Masami shook her head. She was a smart girl, smart like her dad.
"I know, baby, I know." Said Masami
"Hey! I'm not a baby! Juro is the baby…and the new baby is a baby…but I'm not a baby!" said Madoka. She stomped her foot when she said that…sort of like Sho did. There was some of Sho in her. Mainly her daredevil antics really. Sho…he had never had the best sense of self preservation. He had taken his first steps right off the end of the couch after all…and he hadn't stopped walking. The garden wall…the kitchen counter…there had even been times that he'd tried to fly….the swings…those swings had been death traps…or they would have been if not for Fukuda….Madoka didn't have to worry about getting hurt.
She had never been hurt a day in her life.
Even now. She had fallen three meters from that deathtrap of a slide and she had been perfectly fine. She'd never been injured, not even once. She had never gotten so much as a bruise…or a cut…or a scrape. Flu season always passed her by….and even at her school her teacher always remarked that she was a hearty child. She'd never even had so much as a cold….and Masami supposed that this was how these things were passed down.
Her children tended to take after their fathers.
"Hey! I'm not a baby!" said Juro looking up from his game. Her son…her second son. He was…well he took after his father too. The same hair…eyes…all of it. There was some of Sho in his too…she had thought, for a moment, that she had been hearing her first son and not her second…so maybe that was her doing. That part of Sho had been inside of her…the whole time. She had been the one to make her children the way they were and…
And she took a deep breath.
She looked away from the window. She wanted nothing more than to go to her room and lay down and wait for…whatever…to happen. Wait for a knock at the door. Wait to be dragged away. Wait to be dragged back to her old house and her own life. Wait to have to be…to be Suzuki Masami again. She had finished being Suzuki Masami years ago….no…she had just….put that person down. Like an old cellphone. Put that person down in a drawer never to be seen again….never to be….
She closed the curtains.
"Enough, both of you. Now wash up for dinner, it should be ready soon." Said Masami. She ran a hand through her hair. A few strands came loose in her hand. Black. She had black hair now…she took the rubber band from her wrist and tied it back. Right. She had things to do. She had a family to look after. She had things to do in the present. Her past was here, in this city, but that didn't mean that the present got put on pause. She had dinner to serve and clean up after, baths to run, laundry to fold, and homework to check. The woman in the window, Hirai Masami, had so much to do…and so little time to do it in…so really she had to stop this. Whatever happened, happened, and while she was waiting for it to happen she…well she had to do what she had to do.
She had to take care of her family.
She had two children…two and a half children to think of. She had a son and a daughter and a…whatever this was….and she had to get dinner on the table for them. She had to get on with their evening…so that was what she was going to do. She heard the kids playing with the water in the bathroom…something else for her to clean up…but she said nothing. Instead she got dinner out of the oven, miso glazed eggplant, and plated it up. She plated it up while it was still hot. She didn't have time to let it cool.
She had wasted enough time already.
She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was getting late. Dinner was late…she had been late coming home. In her rush to get herself and Madoka out of the park she had forgotten Juro at his playgroup…and now she had another bill to explain to her husband….one hundred yen a minute was truly ridiculous…but explaining the bill and the late dinner was easier than explaining….everything….
The unexplainable.
She heard a car pulling into the driveway. This house was small enough that she could actually hear what was going on outside. A two bedroom house. A single family home. Not three houses put together and filled with endless rows of dusty rooms full of junk that nobody was ever going to touch. Old wedding china, extra tables and chairs, toys that the children were never going to play with ever again…junk. She knew that Touichirou had abandoned the old house after she left, he had no reason to stay now that he was free to travel like he liked, and she couldn't help but wonder….what had become of the house…of…of…
She burnt her hand.
She hadn't been paying attention and she had accidentally touched the side of the baking pan. Great. She went over to the sink and ran her hand under some water. If she had been back at the old house she could have just called Fukuda. This had been her excuse, the most common one she used, when she wanted to see him. Burnt herself cooking. Something mundane, something plausible, something that Touichirou would never have been able to find fault with. Something that he had never had reason to be suspicious of….
Not that he'd ever been able to look past himself long enough to be suspicious of anything.
"Masami? Oh God…that looks bad." Said Eiji. She hadn't been able to hear him come in over the rush of the water. He moved quietly. Even now. He made it to her side in the blink of an eye and his hand was around hers. It was…nice. Touichirou would have just called Fukuda and left her to suffer. Eiji…she knew that he was tired. It was exhausting teaching English to the slower children of the Japanese aristocracy. She knew that every day he came home tired, drained, but still full of love…for her…
It was nice, having someone who loved her.
"It's not as bad as it looks." Said Masami. She knew that he was worried…he always worried about her. It was so…so good…to have some worry about her…and not just because of the children shouting in the bathroom…or the one growing in her stomach. Eiji had one hand on her stomach and the other around her hand. It hurt…but also it felt better. It was always better when he was there with her.
She would treasure what time she had left with him.
"Let me see…that still looks pretty bad. Let me get the burn cream." Said Eiji. He let go of her hand. She reached over and caught him by the wrist. No. She had gone the whole day without him. She had woken up to his side of the bed empty and come home to an empty house. She had no idea if she would…would be coming home to an empty house…or at all. If Sho was here then Touichirou was here…and if Touichirou was here then maybe he knew where she was…or maybe he was just here because one of his bases was here…
This had seemed like such a good idea, before, relocating here.
Touichirou was from Seasoning City…and he hated it. He had never once spoken to her about it, what his life had been like growing up, and she had to get this out of Fukuda of all people. Why Touichirou had told someone he barely knew about his life and not his own wife was beyond her…but then again most things were beyond her when they came to Touichirou. He was unknowable. He was an enigma wrapped in a puzzle…incomprehensible….
She had given up on trying to comprehend him years ago…even back when they'd been married…well they were still married….
No, the woman in the window was not married to Suzuki Touichirou. She looked out the kitchen window. Hirai Masami was married to Eiji Masami. They had three children, two together and one from a previous relationship. She was…she was happily married. For once in her life she was happily married. She was happy and had been for the past few years. She had thought…she had been naive enough to think, that this would be a lasting happiness. That if she hid in plain sight, in a place that she knew Touichirou hated, that she would be able to live in happiness with her family….
Things seldom if ever worked out the way that she wanted them to.
"You'll have to rent a boat, then, the kids are in there washing up." Said Masami. She made herself smile, then, and looked away from the window. She couldn't let it show that something was wrong. The downside to having a husband who actually had the ability to feel the full range of human emotion. Touichirou…she suspected that something was wrong with him, that he didn't feel things like a normal person could, and she suspected that Shigeko shared in whatever that disorder was. She could have been sobbing in the middle of the kitchen, in the old house, and the only one who would have noticed or cared would have been Sho…and Fukuda if he'd been there…
That time was over. Now she had people who would notice. Three of them. Almost four.
"Rent a boat? On my salary? I'll just build a raft." Said Eiji. He laughed. Good. He didn't know…what was happening. That there was something wrong. That she…that soon she may have had to explain the unexplainable. He knew that Madoka wasn't his, he could do basic math, but he loved her just the same. He thought…well he thought what she had told him. That her husband had been cruel to her and that she'd had no choice but to run away. He understood. He still loved her even with…the version of the past that she had told him. She knew that if he knew the whole truth, that she had left behind two children, and that she had been cheating on her husband with a man who worked for him, and a much younger man at that…though she had no idea just how old Fukuda was he looked younger than even she was….she knew that if the truth got out then all of this…would be over…
And she couldn't let that happen.
"There's the extra wood for the fence under the house. Help yourself." Said Masami. She smiled again. She did her best to look happy….to have that false happiness reach her eyes…but that seemed to be too much to ask of herself. Eiji looked her over…and frowned.
"Seriously, though, that does look bad." Said Eiji. He took his other hand from her stomach and put it to her wrist. She pulled away. she didn't want to get into this…into any of this. She just wanted to have dinner with her family…was that too much to ask? She just….she just wanted to have dinner with her family…for as long as she could.
"I'll live. It barely even hurts anymore. Let's just have dinner. I made your favorite." Said Masami motioning over towards the culinary monstrosity that was miso glazed eggplant. This was…a thing which she had stumbled upon in a magazine and made on a lark….and now it was one of her husband's favorite foods. Well it may have been odd but it was better than Touichirou's 'just fry me an omelet and drown it in ketchup' food philosophy. She hoped that the kids were eating right…Sho had seemed well…in the split second that she had seen him…
She had two going on three kids to feed here…and she needed to get to that.
"Masami, nobody can miso an eggplant like you." Said Eiji. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. She leaned into it. She couldn't remember Touichirou ever…she had to stop thinking about Toucihirou. He was over and done with. Unless he was sending men to knock on her door in the middle of the night then…then she didn't care about him. He was for all intents and purposes her ex-husband…and that was all.
He was just somebody that she used to know.
"Well, yes, because nobody's going to try." Said Masami. She kissed her husband on the cheek right back. She couldn't remember ever being so…like this…with Touichirou…and she wasn't going to try. She was going to stop thinking about him…stop worrying…stop ruminating. That life was over now and…and it didn't matter unless someone was coming to knock on her door. Her family…they were here…and she was never going to see them again even though they were there…and that…was something that she had to deal with….
Accept.
She had to accept that the kids were here. They were here and so was Touichirou and Fukuda and…and it might have almost been over for her…or it might have just been a coincidence. Touichirou had a base or whatever here and…and that was why he was in the city. He might have gotten over her, he had never really cared about her to begin with, and the kids….the kids were probably fine. Fukuda had given his word that he would care for them….and that was what he was doing…even though Sho had been alone when she had seen him…alone and filthy…
Her children were fine. They would have to be.
All of her children, both born and unborn, were fine. There was nothing that she could do for Shigeko and Sho now…so she had to just…stop thinking about them. She had been able to go for days without thinking of them…and she had to get back to that. Back to being…back to being Hirai Masami and not Suzuki Masami…
Back to being the woman in the window…with the short black hair….