Ritsu always called if he was going to be out late.
He had a six o'clock curfew, though it had been turning into six thirty lately, and sometimes he stayed out even later than that. He always called when he was going to be home late. It wasn't often enough for them to get upset over, sometimes Ritsu lost track of the time at his afterschool job, so it hadn't been strange when the clock struck six and Hana hadn't heard from her son.
But then it struck six thirty.
And then seven.
And then at seven thirty she called the police. The police told her that Ritsu was probably out with his friends and that there was nothing that they could do unless there was some evidence of foul play. There wasn't. Ritsu didn't hang out with delinquents, he wasn't involved in anything untoward, he was only ten years old! And he hadn't been snatched up after school either. Tsubomi had walked with him to Reigen's office. Reigen wouldn't have done anything either, it was a terrible stereotype that people had about men who spent time alone with children, and anyway if he had been planning on snatching Ritsu away then he would have done it a long time ago.
Besides, he was nowhere to be seen either.
When the clock struck seven thirty, the police said that they couldn't do a damn thing, Hana had sent her husband out to look for him. The first stop was Ritsu's afterschool job. The windows had been dark, Ichimaro had said, and there had been an angry woman standing outside the door asking Reigen's whereabouts. Apparently he'd had a date…she owed Ichimaro a backrub...it had not been the time for jokes. Reigen was missing too. He hadn't been at home, none of his neighbors had seen him, and Ichimaro had even tried a bar his neighbor said he frequented….nothing.
Two missing people….and the police still did nothing.
Well they had implied terrible things, when Hana told them about Reigen. They had implied things about her, too, about her ability to parent her son. About how she had been too busy working to take care of her household. It was like she had stepped back in time or something. Like her telephone had been a portal to twenty years ago or something. This was what her tax dollars paid for….for policemen to sit on their asses making excused for why they didn't have to do their jobs! She had been so angry when she had gotten off the phone with them that she had slammed it down.
She had been using her cellphone.
So, really, all she had accomplished was cracking her screen. At least her phone still worked. That was good…she could get a new screen later…or even a whole new phone. Ritsu had been wanting a new phone for a while now. He had been wanting one with more memory and a better camera for a game he played. He was some kind of detective or something in his game…he went around finding clues for a big mystery that he was close to cracking. Hana wasn't sure how his game worked…how to play it…and she wished that she had asked him. She wished that she had spent more time playing with him…they hadn't played together since….since Ichimaro's firm downsized….since the economy got shaky again…since she had to take up more hours at work. Maybe she was a bad mother…maybe she had messed up. Maybe if she had been home….if she had been there to pick Ritsu up after school even though he was ten years old now….if she had just done better then….then her son….then her son would have been there….
And her daughter, too.
She could see, from her spot at the kitchen table, Shigeko's shrine. Open floor plan…the house had an open floor plan…from any point on the ground floor she could see Shigeko's shrine. It was a little thing, not as ornate as the one she had for her mother and father, and…and Shigeko…she deserved better…even though she was still alive. She had been adopted, and quickly too, and now…now she was off living her new life in…well Hana didn't know where. The adoption was closed. She wasn't going to open it….there was no point….Shigeko was gone…
But Ritsu wasn't.
Ritsu was…she had no idea…where Ritsu was. He was gone off somewhere. He wasn't off with friends. The Takane's weren't home. Tsubomi was Ritsu's only friend…and his girlfriend too but Hana wasn't supposed to know about that yet…Ritsu was still only ten years old, of course he didn't want his mom to know that he had a girlfriend…he'd tell her in his own time…when he came back…and he was coming back. He was just…just a little late. He was just…
Hana checked the clock on the wall.
He was just four hours late. The clock told the correct time even though there was a crack in the glass on the front. The hands were just fine. Shigeko had broken the clock when she'd been a baby…when she'd been seven months old. She hadn't wanted to eat her sweet potato…the week before she had loved them but the week afterwards she had hated them…kids could be fickle like that. Ritsu had been the same way when it came to steamed carrots…and now it was pork feet. That made no sense. He'd eat every part of the pig but the feet….Shigeko hadn't minded them…not enough to break a clock…
It hadn't been intentional.
She knew that it hadn't been intentional…she stopped looking at the clock. She stopped looking at that damned clock. It wasn't telling her something that she didn't already know. It was late. Ritsu had never been out this late before. Not unless he was having a sleepover with Tsubomi…he was getting too old for those…but she so wished that he was next door playing with Tsubomi…and he had just lost track of the time…but he wasn't next door. Nobody was next door. The Takanes had gone up to the mountains for a long weekend…and they didn't have cell service…and they wouldn't have taken Ritsu with them…not without asking first…and she never would have let him travel so far from home….not without her and Ichimaro…she had no idea why she had been calling the Takanes anyway…
She knew that they weren't home…she knew that Ritsu wasn't there.
She heard a car in the driveway. Ichimaro was home. She got up and walked over to the door. A short walk. She had made this walk before, with Ritsu, when she had been teaching him to walk. Shigeko had held his other hand. They had walked together…very slowly for baby brother Shigeko had said…and Ritsu…he had always wanted to walk fast…so fast that he fell. He fell and Shigeko…she caught him. Sometimes she caught him…sometimes she made him float…and sometimes she made him float all the way up to the ceiling…so high up that there had been no way for her to reach him…but Shigeko knew how to put him down…sometimes she knew how…she had been so young then herself…
The door opened.
"Anything?" asked Hana as she reached out for her husband. He handed her his coat and kicked his shoes off.
"I tried the Takane's. Nothing." Said Ichimaro as he kicked his shoes off in the genkan. Hana put his shoes the right way…she did that a lot. She hated it when he just kicked his shoes off like that…she hated it when Ritsu did that too. He'd always done that…he'd done that since he had started wearing shoes. Blue ones with lights on them….
His shoes didn't have lights on them anymore.
No. His shoes were solid blue. They were solid blue aside from the silver piping. He remembered that…he remembered also that Ritsu's coat was yellow…that was important when kids were missing…you had to remember what they had been wearing….but Ritsu…he wasn't missing. He was just…out. He was out and…and he had just…lost track of the time. He was getting older. He was almost eleven…that was the age that he had been when he'd started staying out until all hours…of course he had lived out in the country…but…well there were still places that Ritsu could have gone to…he could have just…lost track of the time….
Ritsu was fine…he had to be…
"They're up in the mountains, I told you already." Said Hana with a click of her tongue. She told him. She told him…that was one of the first things that she had told him. Tsubomi was in the mountains with her family and Ritsu was nowhere to be seen….so…so…so why waste time at the Takane's?!
"No you didn't." said Ichimaro as her husband stepped out of the genkan. He leaned in to kiss his wife but stopped midway through. He knew that look, that look like she was sucking on a lemon. The world's most sour lemon. Ritsu did that too but all the time, not just when he was upset. Shigeko….that face had been reserved for the times that he had managed to wrestle her into her snow pants.
"Yes I did. It was one of the first things I said to you before you left. Don't try the Takane's. They aren't home." Said Hana
"Oh…well I forgot-" said Ichimaro
"Forgot?! How could you…this is our son! This is our son and you just…you forgot!?" asked Hana
"Yeah, I forgot! God, Hana, it took two seconds to knock on their door. I doubt anything happened in two seconds-" said Ichimaro
"You have no idea what can happen in two seconds!" shouted Hana. She took a step back…a pain shot up her spine. A familiar pain. That pain that came when she stepped wrong…or walked too fast…or too slowly….or walked on uneven ground. She had a few of those…they came and went. Two seconds. That was how long it had been. Two seconds…or maybe three…she couldn't remember. She could barely remember…
"Hana…I'm sorry. Just….I'm sorry." said Ichimaro. He took a step forward and held out his hand. Hana took it and pulled him close. They stayed that way for a moment before they broke apart.
"No….I'm sorry. I just…I'm sorry. You're…you're trying…and…" said Hana. The pain was back…there was some pain there now in the small of her back. That was…it came and it went. It came and it went and she had no idea why it still lingered, she had healed years ago, but they still lingered there. Everything lingered in the end…maybe.
Everything and everyone lingered in the end.
"You're trying too. Anyone call?" asked Ichimaro. He knew Hana. She was scared. She was scared and she needed him to be her rock right now….and he could do that. That was what a husband did, he was there for his wife, and…and nobody was there for him…but those were not the thoughts to have. He was not alone in this. She was there and…and they were in this together…even though there might have been no 'this' for them to be in.
Ritsu might have just been out playing.
"No, but I've been making calls." Said Hana
"Any leads? The Takane's…or Ritsu's other friends?" asked Ichimaro
"He only has Tsubomi and nobody in the family is answering their phones. The Takane's either don't have service or they're screening me, still nothing from Reigen, and the police said that unless I have evidence I need to stop bothering them." Said Hana. Evidence…what was she supposed to do? Go upstairs, get out Ritsu's detective kit, and look for clues?! What…no. She had to stay calm. She had to stay calm for her husband's sake…he had done so much for her…and she…she had to be there for him. This was…this was happening and…and they only had each other. She had no idea why any of this was happening but she knew that she had to be here for her husband.
"They used the word 'bother'?" asked Ichimaro. He tried his best to stay calm. Him flying off the handle wouldn't make this better…even if…bother?! It was a 'bother' to look for a missing child?! Ritsu had been missing for four hours…or maybe even longer…and…and looking for him was a bother?!
He had to stay calm for Hana's sake….he had to think about Hana.
"Yeah…bother. Like it's such a bother that my son is miss-miss-that my only son is missing!" said Hana
"I'll have to talk to them….let me call. You just…you rest. Let me call them and….and then I'll go out and look some more. I'm sure….he's fine. I'm sure that he's just…playing…and he lost track of the time." Said Ichimaro
"Playing? Where can he possibly be playing?! It's ten o'clock at night!" said Hana
"I know what time it is. I used to stay out this late when I was his age…I mean he's getting older. If his girlfriend hadn't been out of town I would have assumed that he was out with her." said Ichimaro with a laugh…that maybe he should have kept inside of himself. He had forced it out. He'd had no choice but to force it out. Always laugh, dad said, even when you didn't feel like it. Always be happy…always be positive…always be there. Always be there for the people that need you.
"He. Is. Ten. Where in the hell can someone his age be at this hour?!" asked Hana. She didn't care what her husband got up with in his wayward youth. Ritsu was a good boy and he wasn't going to…to do things like this. Not that he had done anything…she wished that Ritsu had just been out playing…but she knew the truth. She knew that he wasn't out playing. She knew that….that something had happened. Something had happened…she didn't know why something had happened. She didn't know why these things had to happen to her…to her family. She didn't know why these things happened to her and her family and…and maybe she should have prayed harder…or to other spirits…or not at all or…or spread salt around…or…or…
She didn't know!
"I don't know…the park? I just…I don't know but….but I know that he's fine. Who would want to hurt…to do anything to him? He's….he's Ritsu…" said Ichimaro. Ritsu was a good boy. Ritsu was his son…and he had never done anything to anyone. Well aside from the fights he got into…but he was a ten year old boy, they got into fights. Ritsu…he had no idea why someone, why anyone, would have wanted to hurt Ritsu….
He must have just been out….out playing….or something….or maybe he had run off to be with his girlfriend….or something….
"Kidnappers. Perverts. Murderers. Cannibals. Cultists. The yakuza-" said Hana. She listed off words, one worse than the next, on her fingers. There were so many things that could have happened to him…the world…it was such a terrible place…especially for someone as sweet and sensitive and intelligent as her son…as her only son…as her second born….
"I don't think the yakuza has anything to do with this. I mean unless Ritsu got close to that 'truth' that he's been looking for-" said Ichimaro
"No…no jokes. Not now. Not…not with Ritsu…our baby. Our baby is…" said Hana. She felt her knees beginning to buckle. She felt her heart begin to crack in half. Her lungs screamed in protest. She just….she just…her son…her son! He was out there alone and scared and she was here and…and she had to do something. She had to do something but she had no idea what she even could do! The city…the country…the world felt so vast…and she felt so small….she was so small….
She had never been aware of it…but she was small…incredibly small….
She felt two incredibly small eyes focused on her. There…the shrine. She wanted to close it…it had never been closed by…but she wanted to close it. Shigeko was staring at her now. Shigeko…she wanted to know why. She wanted to know why her parents were so terrible…why they couldn't take care of her…why they had lost her little brother…Rittu she had called him, because Ritsu had been too hard at first…but she had gotten it. She had always been so clever…so gifted…both of her children had been clever and gifted….
She used to have two children…now she had one….soon to be none…no….don't think like that….
"I-I know…and I'm sorry…" said Ichimaro. He had no idea what to do….so he held his wife. He was there holding his wife and…and he should have been out there looking for his son. He had already lost one child…and now his son….he looked up. He could feel Shigeko's eyes on him. He could feel her little eyes looking down on him asking 'why, dad?' and…and he didn't know why. He didn't know he was so bad at this…at being a father…and a husband….and a human being….
"I can't do it again….Ichi…I can't go through this again….I just…I don't want…another…another shrine…" said Hana
"We can't put up another shrine." Said Ichimaro
"Because Ritsu's fine…you're going to try and tell me that my son is fine." Said Hana
"No, I was going to say that you can't put up another shrine because Ritsu has never once taken a good picture. I swear he just instinctively closes his eyes." Said Ichimaro
"Yes…he….he always does that…Ritsu…oh God…." Said Hana. She just…she could not…she could not begin to understand why this was happening. What…what was happening to her. Why was…why had…why did this have to happen?! Because she had given up her daughter? Because…because she just…she wasn't good enough. Today…it was…it had just been…Shigeko should have been twelve by now and…and Ritsu was still ten and he was gone and….
And she couldn't do anything other than sob. So that was what she did. Ritsu had been due home four hours ago, at six, and now it was ten o'clock and she had no idea where her son was…so all she could do….was sob.