Costco counted as a family outing these days.

It had to. Family outings, real ones, were becoming few and far between and they would be for a while thanks to untitled family Hirai project. Another baby was a strain on their already strained finances…not that she didn't want her new son or daughter, of course she did, she just…was not a fan of going to Costco. She wasn't a fan of how hard it was to find parking. She wasn't a fan of how large the quantities of food were. She hated how much money she ended up spending every time she came here. She hated going to the store in general. Before….back when…well back when things had been different she had either walked to the small stores around her neighborhood after sending the kids to school and gotten what she needed or, more often than not, she just had what she needed delivered….but that wasn't an option anymore. Money was an object again. Money was a finite resource and that meant saving money wherever she could…

Which meant going to Costco…with her entire family….

She loved her family. She loved Eiji, she loved the kids, but she did not love going to the store with them. At least when she was all on her own then it was get in, get out, get what she needed, and then get on with her life. It was always a production when she went with all of them…but she couldn't leave them alone. Not Madoka, at least. If Touichirou's cult or whatever was kidnapping psychic kids then she needed to keep Madoka close…and if she was taking Madoka with then she couldn't just leave Juro behind, he wouldn't stand for it, and if she had both kids then she needed to take Eiji with because they liked to run off in separate directions. Eiji was just as excitable as the kids when it came to going to Costco but…well at least he wanted to go with her. At least he wanted to spend time with her….

Unlike some people….

That had been the hardest part of it all, really, being away from him for so long. Weeks if not months on end…and he hadn't even cared. He could have been gone for years and years and it wouldn't have phased him. He would have just come home, slipped off his shoes, and asked where is breakfast for dinner was. Eiji…he loved being with her…and he hated it when they were apart. There had even been a time, before, when he'd debated not taking the job in Tokyo if it meant that he had to be away from her and the kids for longer than necessary. The economic wellbeing of their family won out, Juro had been on the way after all and babies were expensive, so Masami had given her husband her blessing. He had thought that she hadn't cared but she had…even if it hadn't seemed that way. Compared to Touichirou…well leaving the house an hour or so earlier had been nothing.

It was something…to have her husband there…even if he sometimes get a tad bit too excitable.

"What does everyone want to first when we get there? I'll start. I'm going to sample everything. I timed it so we'll get there when they're getting rid of the old samples and then by the time we're done shopping we should be able to get the next batch…I hope they have those shrimp rolls again…" said Eiji. He glanced over at Masami. She was sitting with her head pressed against the window…not a good sign. Either she was sick again or her medicine was kicking though…or maybe she was still tired…or worked up about that kid from earlier. He'd get her some of that chocolate she liked…the big chocolate platter…and he'd hide it from the kids, too, since they were a couple of locusts when it came to sweets.

Yeah, Masami would like that enough…maybe enough to pull her out of this.

"First I want to watch all the TVs to see which one has the best picture and then I want to sit on all the couches to see which one is the most comfortable and then I want to poke all the bread to see which one is the freshest and then I want to go to where the fish are and pick which one we have for dinner." Said Madoka. She kicked mom's chair. Not too hard, she didn't want to hurt mom or her new brother and sister, but hard enough to wake her up maybe. Her medicine made her sleepy something but it was way too early for her to go to sleep…and also sometimes when she went to sleep she stayed that way for the whole day and night….sometimes she missed dinner and bath time and breakfast….and sometimes Mom even forgot about school….

"Hey mom, what do you want to do when we get there?" asked Madoka

"I don't know, baby, maybe we could pick out a fish like you said…and please stop kicking my chair." Said Masami. She put her hands over her stomach as they turned. She was being kicked from the inside and the outside too. Madoka had been a kicker. Juro, not so much. They used to have to shake up and down to make sure that he was ok in there. Sho had been trying to kick his way out from month four until month nine…of course when the time came….

Masami let go of her stomach.

"I don't want fish for dinner! I want Costco chicken! I want a Costco chicken leg and a Costco soda and a Costco churro and a Costco ice cream and a-" said Juro. Mom and the baby were hungry…and not for fish. That was why she was holding her stomach and looking sad. Fish was boring, and it had too many tiny bones. Chicken only had one big bone in it. That made it better. The baby agreed with him…and also it wasn't safe for the baby to have fish. What if mom swallowed a bone and then it got stuck in the baby's belly button since belly buttons were what connected the baby's stomach to mom's.

"That's lunch, dummy. I'm talking about dinner. For dinner I want to pick out which fish has to die." Said Madoka

"I don't want a fish to die! No fish for dinner!" said Juro

"Well a chicken has to die to make your Costco chicken leg so what does it matter if a fish has to die for my dinner?" asked Madoka. Juro was so dumb sometimes. Most boys were. Not that one boy who went to her karate school but was in a different class and already had a yellow belt…but most boys. Especially little brothers. She hoped that the new baby was a girl, then she could be her friend and teach her stuff, and also they could outvote Juro on things. If she got a little brother, though, then she was moving out. There was no other way.

Two brothers was just too many…even one was kind of pushing it.

"Mom! Madoka wants to kill fish!" said Juro. He pointed at Madoka. He stuck his finger in her face but not right in her eye. If he poked her in the eye then mom and dad would get upset with him but if he just put his finger really close then he wouldn't get in trouble. He was smart like that. That was why he was in the yellow room at school.

"Mom! Juro is being a baby again!" said Madoka as she made like she was going to bite him. If she bit him then she would get in trouble and dad wouldn't let her have double and triple samples with him…and she liked having double and triple samples. Also she had to pick out a fish for dinner, she had to be the one, so that way she could apologize to it. That was important since it had to die because of the food chain and stuff.

"Mom! Madoka called me a baby!" said Juro

"Did not!" said Madoka

"Did too!" said Juro

"Did-" said Madoka

"Kids, bring it down to a dull roar. Mom's not feeling good today and when mom feels good then the new baby doesn't feel good, and you don't want the new baby to feel bad do you?" asked Eiji as he pulled into Costco…gas? No, not with the kids like this…and Masami like this. She'd perk up once they got inside. He'd miss the first round of samples for her if she wanted to go and smell the soaps or something…he'd get her one of those body wash packs she liked. The ones with all the berry scents. She'd like that.

"I'm, fine, Eiji, I'm fine. Just a little tired." Said Masami as they backed into a parking spot. She was fine…just a little out of it. Her medicine was kicking in. That was all. She just…well there was what was happening…but if Eiji and the kids asked then she would just say that her medicine was kicking in. She didn't know how she would even explain to her family what all was happening in her head…so she wouldn't. She wasn't stupid, she knew not to send the whole thing come crashing down around her. She may not have liked dragging everyone to Costco but she loved her family…

And she wasn't going to ruin this one.

"How about we check out the scented soaps and then afterwards we check out the coffee sample lady?" asked Eiji. He reached over and patted Masami on the leg.

"You know I can't have caffeine." Said Masami with a groan.

"Right, sorry, I forgot. You know me." Said Eiji. He shrugged, laughed, and made a mental note that she couldn't have coffee anymore. He just had coffee on the brain because of their discussion that morning. He knew that she couldn't have coffee…or pretty much anything fun….but she could have scented soaps and herbal teas and fancy imported bulk chocolates and whatever else that she liked and could still have. Whatever could make her smile.

He loved it when she smiled.

She reached over and held his hand…and she was smiling again. She was smiling and looking at him…God. She was so pretty. He didn't know what she went on about sometimes, about how her face was always red and puffy because she was pregnant. She was the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen…in his life, obviously, not like a model…no. She was as pretty as a model. Had she heard that? No, no, she couldn't read minds…well she acted like she could read his mind sometimes but she couldn't actually read minds.

Masami, if you can hear my thoughts please blink twice.

"I know…and I love you." Said Masami as she leaned over and kissed her husband. She liked that, being able to kiss him. Touichirou hated affection of any kind. Unless he was on top of her she was useless to him. Pointless. He didn't even cuddle at night. If she ever felt like touching Touichirou it had to be sexual or he would just look up at her and ask her if she needed something from him…Eiji wasn't like that. He actually loved her as something more than a person who fulfilled that abstract concept of a human being called 'wife'.

"I love you too." Said Eiji. He leaned in and kissed Masami again. He knew that people could see them through the windshield…but that didn't matter. Let them look. Attitudes like that were why the population was so low, why so many people were losing their minds and trying to live on the internet, and why everyone was so damn lonely all the time. If he couldn't kiss his wife in his fully paid off 2006 Estima then where could he kiss her?

"You guys are sickos!" shouted Juro as loud as he could. He didn't care if he woke up the new baby and made it kick mom's insides…that was a sick thing that mom and dad did! A sick, terrible, thing that you were never supposed to do because it was gross! When he grew up and got married he was never kissing his wife or holding hands with her or anything!

"Quiet, if they kiss then mom might have twins!" whispered Madoka as she poked Juro in the side. He had no idea how it worked. Yes, watching mom and dad trying to make another baby sister or brother was gross, but it was worth if they made twins. If they made twins then the twins could be identical and she could dress them the same and also she could rave them.

"Want to go for triplets?" asked Eiji. He wiggled his eyebrows at Masami. She smiled and rolled her eyes.

"If you'll do the diaper changes and the midnight feedings then alright." Said Masami

"Alright. Kids, here's my credit card and about ten thousand yen in cash. Come back with something besides candy." Said Eiji as he fished his wallet out of his pocket. Masami put her hand over her mouth and laughed. He hated it when she did that. He loved it when she smiled…he loved her…even if she have triplets in there….

He could live without sleep if he needed to…they were at Costco. Yeah, he'd just get an eighteen year supply of coffee when he was here.

"But we can buy candy, right dad?" asked Madoka as she undid her booster seat and reached over for dad's wallet. She could totally do the shopping on her own! She couldn't reach the carts too good…but Juro could sit on her shoulders. There.

"Of course. Bring me back some of those giant candy rings and that gum that turns your mouth blue." Said Eiji

"What if they just have the kind that turns green?" asked Juro

"Then I'll have to disown the both of you." Said Eiji. Masami took a deep breath and kept on smiling. He was kidding. He was always kidding. He didn't know how to do anything other than kid around…especially with the kids. He was never leaving the kids and…and she wasn't either and…and she needed air. Air and space…right now.

"Eiji, you're terrible. Come on, let's go before they run out of samples." Said Masami. She opened the door and stepped out. There. That was better. She took a deep breath. Summer was coming, it smelled like it, summer and gasoline. She tied her sweater around her waist…too hot for that. It was getting hotter out…that was why it was so busy today. There were people coming and going on all sides…she wished that Eiji had parked farther away. He was unbuckling Juro from his seat…and Madoka was writing her name in the dirt on their car. Masaki added a trip to the carwash to her to do list…and she added more hand sanitizer to her shopping list. She reached into her bag and pulled out a bottle of strawberry mini hand sanitizer with one. She grabbed Madoka with the other.

"Mom!" said Madoka as mom started covering her hands with that gross stuff. It didn't even smell like strawberries. It smelled like soap…but worse!

"Look at your fingers, they're black. If you want samples then you'll hold still." Said Masami as she cleaned off Madoka's hands. She had written her name pretty well, actually. Good strokes and the right stroke order too. She couldn't do a lot of writing….but that was Masami's fault. She didn't have time to teach her at home like she had…with the…other two….when they had been little.

"I can just eat with my other hand." Said Madoka

"She's got you there, Masami…." Said Eiji as he unclipped Juro from his car seat. That may have been the wrong thing to say. Masami had that look on her face, now, it looked like she was sucking on a lemon.

"…but you need to listen to your mother, Madoka, no hand sanitizer then no snacks…and you know not to draw on the car." Said Eiji. Red…why did he have to get a red car? Because it looked cool and if he had to drive a minivan then he deserved a cool one…but the next one would be black. Black as night. Then the kids could draw on it as often as they wanted to.

"What about that lady? She's drawing on cars." Said Juro. He pointed over to the lady putting her drawings on the windows of people's cars. That was smart if she wanted people to see them…but also kind of dumb because people were just throwing them on the ground. That made litter and litter was bad. They had learned that on Earth Day…and then they had to pick up litter. Dumb litterers…..

"She's putting her drawings on cars, dummy, learn Japanese." Said Madoka as mom scrubbed her fingers down with the gross strawberry stuff. There was a lady putting orange papers on windows…she needed one Mom hadn't let her have the orange paper from that morning but now there were a bunch of them! They were on all the cars in the parking lot and all over the ground too!

"Madoka, you know not to call your brother names." Said Masami as she capped the hand sanitizer and put it back in her bag. She had no idea why Madoka had to fight with her brother all the time. She had no idea why Juro had to fight with Madoka. Had Sho and Shigeko fought this much? She…didn't remember. No. Sho…he'd been a little firecracker….but Shigeko…she'd been more like Touichirou. Quiet until something provoked her badly enough to use her powers…to lose control…

She took Madoka's hand.

"Mom, can I have one of these? You wouldn't let me have the one from this morning but there are a whole bunch now." Saoid Madoka as she bent down to grab one of the orange papers from the ground. She almost made it, too, before mom pulled her back up.

"No, don't pick things up from off the ground. I…I just cleaned your hands." Said Masami. There…on the ground. She had just thought that someone had gone a little litter crazy but…those were missing person flyers. The same ones from that morning. There were so many of them….

"I want one too!" said Juro as he tried to reach down. Dad almost dropped him…and that was scary…so scary. He grabbed dad's shirt and held on tight. He didn't want to be dropped. He wanted whatever Madoka wanted but not badly enough to be dropped!

"Careful, little guy." Said Eiji as Juro clung to him like a scared little monkey….maybe they had time to take the kids to the zoo or something later….it'd been a while since they'd seen the monkeys…did Costco have pets? No, they had a pet department but no animals…damn. Were monkeys even pets? He'd have to Google that later.

"Juro, no, we don't pick things up off the floor. Come on, let's go and see if they're any carts left-" said Masami as Madoka tugged on her hand.

"Mom, can I have one? Not from the ground, from the lady over there. Hey, lady!" shouted Madoka. She shouted and waved her arm so the lady could see her.

"Madoka, don't talk to strangers." Said Masami. She would have turned around but the woman had made eye contact…and now she was coming over. She was coming over and she had a stack of flyers on her arm…and her eyes were red. Very red. She had black smudges under her eyes, too…and dark circles. Her clothes were rumpled and stained with what looked like ink. Her hair was tied in a messy, lopsided bun, and Masami….

Well she hadn't looked much better, really, when she'd left her children.

It hadn't been so bad the first few days, Fukuda had been there to ease the pain, but then she'd had to leave him. She'd gotten her one way ticket to Sapporo and…even on the train it hadn't been so bad. It had hit her when she got off the train…when she stepped into a station that she hadn't been to since she'd been a kid…and it hadn't even been the same station. It had been remodeled. The brick wall where she had carved her name had been gone…and she reached for her children to at least show them where her name had been…and they hadn't been there. They were gone…and she had been all alone…and it hit her all at once…

She hadn't done anything but sleep for a week once she got her living situation sorted out.

She hadn't been able to do anything but sleep and eat, and eat and sleep, until the money started to run low and she'd needed a job. Then she did nothing, for months, but sleep work and eat…she'd eaten like a horse…and the reason why was standing next to her tugging on her arm. She hadn't even noticed that Madoka had been on the way…it had been so hard…and she had tried to tell herself over and over again in those first few months that at least she would have Sho back. At least he would be coming to her and they could be happy…but the weeks turned into months…and even after filling a bedroom with toys for him…it became obvious that he wasn't coming back…

Then she met Eiji…

And then Madoka came.

And now she was here.

She was here with her family. Her daughter and her son…and her unborn child. Everyone present and accounted for…as far as anyone could tell. She wasn't out there handing out flyers. She didn't have to. She knew where her children were. Right there. She even knew where Shigeko and Sho were….well she would have. She would have known if she'd save the password to that email address….her old one. If she hadn't deleted Fukuda's contact information from her phone…if she hadn't thrown her old phone away. She would have known where her children were…and what they had been getting up to…and where they…

She wouldn't have had to had to pace around a Costco parking lot with an arm full of flyers wearing stale clothes with makeup smeared around her eyes.

"Sorry…about her. She's just-" said Masami

"Please….have you seen my son!" said Hana. She knew that she was being impolite…but fuck being polite! Fuck manners, fuck littering laws, and fuck…fuck it! She…she knew she looked crazy. She knew the look that woman had given her…but what did she know? She had all of her children with her. They were so small….a woman her age. A woman her age with children that small….what did she think that she was doing judging Hana?! She…

She needed to calm down…and get another cup of terrible Costco coffee….she was insulting strangers on the street…almost….she was so fucking tired…

"I saw a lot of things today. I saw Hana Kapa today…but on TV and not in life…and I saw a dog today with a curly tail…and I saw a cloud that looked like a cotton ball…and I saw the bottom of my foot-" said Juro

"Juro, don't talk the lady's ear off. She's….busy…right now." Said Eiji. That poor woman…his heart broke for her. That was the same woman from this morning…from the flyers this morning. She was…seeing her made it more real. Kids went missing all the time and it was tragic…but now it…well it felt tragic. This whole thing was just…tragic. He held Juro tighter. One of the kids…the world felt bigger than it ever had before…and the kids looked smaller than they ever had before. It would have been so easy….just the time it took to blink…and they'd be gone….

He needed to spend more time with the kids…and he needed to call his other kids too…even if it wasn't his weekend with them….and even if their mom didn't want him to….he still needed to call them….

"Sorry…to shout. Here, take this…please. My son…Ritsu….he never came home from school…and nobody's seen him. Here. Take…take this…thank you…" said Hana. She handed the woman a flyer and then walked off as fast as she could in the other direction. She just…she had to keep trying. There was a wholes section of the parking lot that she hadn't even tried yet. She had…she had to finish this Costco and then…maybe try…she didn't know….the recycling center? Lots of people there…she just…she didn't know…

She had to keep working.

"Wow…poor lady. Mom, if I never came home from school would you be freaked out?" asked Madoka. The poor boy. Madoka had thought about it before, running away and living in the park, but she never did it. There were murderers that came out at night and she was still only a white belt so it was better to come home…even if Juro was annoying and mom was sick a lot of the time and the new baby was going to be a boy, probably, and then she'd end up with two Juros.

"….of course I would be…now come on, before the all the samples get eaten." Said Masami as she watched the woman run away. That poor woman…Madoka was right. That poor, poor, poor woman. Her son was missing…Masami…she two children she never saw…but she knew where they were. They were with Touichirou and he…was a piece of work…but he was protective over what was his….so the kids…were ok….

Sho and Shigeko were…probably fine…and Madoka and Juro…were getting antsy…so it was time to go and excessively sample until the staff politely, and then less politely, asked them to stop.

"Mom, can I pick which fish dies for our dinner? I want to say sorry before they kill it. That way it'll know that there are no hard feelings." Said Madoka as mom took her hand and started walking. She decided not to tell mom that she needed to walk on her own, that she wasn't a baby anymore, because mom was sick today. Sometimes you had to think about other people…and stuff. Especially your mom. Especially your mom…because you might not have a mom. Like…you could be missing…and then you wouldn't have a mom anymore…or a home…and then your picture would be everywhere but nobody would ever be able to find you again.

She held onto mom with both hands.

"No, I don't want fish! It has too many tiny bones and they get stuck in your throat and stuff." Said Juro as dad put him on his shoulders. This was a good place to be. He could see everything from up here! He couldn't wait until he was as tall as dad. Then he could see everything like if he was a giant! There were so many cars…and they all had orange papers on them. He held onto dad as tight as he could. He didn't want to go missing too…sometimes when things went missing you never found them again…and people were not things but maybe the rules for missing things were the very same.

"Can I cast my vote for miso eggplant? Nobody misos an eggplant like you do, Masami." Said Eiji. He smiled at her…and she smiled back. It didn't make it to her eyes. This thing with the kid….he liked the comforting weight of Juro on his back. At least up here he couldn't escape.

"I'm just going to get one of the meal kits, ok guys? I'm too tired to debone fish and miso eggplants." Said Masami

"Just so long as it's not fish it's fine by me." Said Juro

"How am I supposed to apologize, then, if the animal is already dead? How can I-" said Madoka. She stopped walking. There had been a flash of…something…and then…an earth shake? Was there an earth shake under her feet? No, that hadn't been under her feet…it had been in her feet…and her legs….and her back….and her skin…and her bones…and her fingernails too. That had been…that had been such a…feeling? That had been a feeling…inside of her…and outside? She saw…there had been a flash of white…in the corner of her eyes…and her…head? Her mind? She turned to face it…

It was gone…but there was…pink…there? And blue? She looked down….her colors were showing too….green…a lot of it….

"How about vegetarian, how does that sound? Madoka? Baby?" asked Masami as Madoka stopped walking. She did not feel like arguing with Juro about fish…and she didn't want to deal with eggplant either. She just…mostly she just wanted to lay down…or at least get off her feet.

"Did you see it?" asked Madoka

"See what?" asked Masami

"I can see everything from up here!" said Juro

"Did you see the colors?" asked Madoka. She pointed at the sky. She had seen it….and if she focused she could see it again. It was like someone was pointing a flashlight up at the sky…one of those cool ones that did colors…but also a little scary because it hurt…her…insides? Just a little bit…it….it hurt…..

"The flyers? Yeah, they're…everywhere." Said Eiji. This was…he wanted to keep going. There were so many of them blowing in the breeze. That same picture over and over again. A school picture. That kid seemed…well…not happy. Maybe he ran away from home…that was even worse…or maybe having your kid stolen was worse? He didn't know…and he didn't want to find out. He may not have seen his older kids that often but…he knew where they were…and he could call them at any time….and he had his younger kids here…and untitled Hirai family project was where he'd left it…

He held Juro even tighter…even though this was doing a number on his back.

"No. The colors that came after the earth shake. There was white…and now there's pink and blue…and my green is showing a lot too." Said Madoka. She held out her arms…but she knew that nobody but her could see the green…and she didn't know why…but she knew that she wasn't crazy…or imagining things like she knew mom and dad were going to say.

"Yes, there are a lot of pretty colors in the sky today. There's blue and white…and…how about we get going? You kids can pick out tonight's dinner…how about that?" asked Masami. She knew what Madoka meant. She could see auras…like Sho and Shigeko could…like their father could….Madoka…was so much like her father….

Too much like her father.

She took Madoka by the hand and kept walking. Truth be told she had felt something under her feet but she knew that it was just…the parking lot shaking as cars drove by. Cheap blacktop and all of that. Yes…that was…she knew for a fact that it wasn't that…but it wasn't an earth shake, as the children called them, it had been…something related to the flyers littering the ground…to the missing boy…to whatever it was the Touichirou did here in Seasoning City…Masami didn't know…

She knew that she had to get on with this family bonding activity so she could get home and just…rest…for a little bit.