Author's Note: I'd like to thank everybody, who has reviewed so far. Knowing that you enjoy reading my story means a lot to me. *hugs everybody*

Also, I'd like to say something about the Japanese word "Senshi" because it plays an important role in this part of the story. As Sailor Moon Fans, you probably know already, that the word means 'warrior' although the US Version of the show translates it as 'scout'. I think there's a difference between the two.

One of the reasons, I chose Mamoru as my main character is because, the story's all about a boy's struggle in a world dominated by girls. Often it's very difficult for him, because he sees things in a different way than the Sailor Senshi.

Well, here it goes..

Chapter 5 - For the best

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There was a letter in Mamoru's mailbox. It had his name written on, but neither an address, nor a sender. Someone must have thrown it in.

He went upstairs to his appartment. Motoki was gone, he had left him a note that Mamoru could call him anytime, no matter how early, or late it was.

He had almost forgotten how quiet his appartment was. However ridiculous all that chasing around had been, it had at least kept him busy. Now there was nothing more to do. No more stories. No more the emptiness.

He remembered what Rei had said. 'You don't want to believe it.' He recalled this thoughts in the car, waiting in front of Tanaka's house. A part of him hadn't realized it yet. He could leave it that way, and try to keep his mind occupied, until he broke down some day. Or he could try to face it. He didn't know how that would end either. He didn't know, if he could go on living without her.

Maybe that was also what his dream had tried to tell him. Usagi being so close and then she vanished, leaving only darkness. The darkness inside him, was the emptiness he felt. He had to fight it. Maybe he couldn't win, then the best solution would be to end it all. But he had to try. He was no Senshi, but he didn't want to give up without a fight.

When the tears came, he let them flow, and made no attempt to fight them. They were like a rainfall after a long drought.

When it was over he felt relieved, although the pain hadn't lessened. He remembered the letter, and opened it. There were two things inside the envelope. A tiny, round box containing a single pill. And a note.

"It's for the best. You will save yourself and others a lot of trouble. You won't feel any pain."

It was a delicate handwriting, it looked very feminine to him. But, of course, that could be faked.

Someone wanted him dead. Something had happened. Rei had lied to him again.

He was mad at her, but mostly he was mad at himself for being lulled so easily. She had filled him up, with all that psychological nonsense about accepting and not accepting, and he had believed her. He had believed his inner voice, telling him that something was terribly wrong, was nothing but an attempt to run away from the truth. It was not.

He suppressed the urge to rush out again, find Rei and make her a big scene. It would do no good. She wouldn't tell him anything. Sometimes, it wasn't a good idea to ask outright questions. Whatever game they played with him, he had to go by their rules.

Maybe he shouldn't talk to Rei at all. Maybe he should stick to the others. They wouldn't tell him anything on purpose, but perhaps by accident.

Did Rei know about the letter? Was she the one, who had written it? Or was it a credit for Tanaka's theory? Tanaka believed, Usagi had been killed because she knew too much. Did he know to much, too? He didn't know anything!

He fetched the phone and called the Senshi. Ami repeated Rei's story, with not so much as the slightest contradiction. No wonder, she was smart enough. Minako cried on the phone, begging him to leave her alone. That made him feel guilty already. Makoto's line was busy. Obviously she was being warned by the others.

Another dead end.

It was getting dark outside. He turned on the light and read the letter again. The letter and the clock were his only hints. If the clock had anything to do with it at all. But Rei wanted to have it, so the answer was probably yes.

He took the pill out, too, and took a closer look at it. It was an ordinary white capsule, probably like the ones astronauts got before going into space, just in case something went wrong. Secret service agents were supposed to have it, too, if you believed the media. Another credit for Tanaka. But why a handwritten note, in a feminine writing style.

It was almost ironic. He had thought about taking his life. The idea, that he could end all the pain, with one small movement was tempting, still.

But obviously someone didn't want to get their hands dirty, and that made him angry. She, if it was a she, would have been better off killing him, and making it look like suicide. With something like that, she would achieve exactly the opposite.

Whoever she was, she had no idea at all. Even little Minako knew better.

But what did girls know anyway? No girl ever wanted to kill herself. They wanted someone to notice, how bad they felt. They wanted someone to take care of them. They wanted to punish someone, who had hurt them.

They spent hours imagining how bad people would feel, and arranged the whole thing like a stage drama. In the last act, they awoke in a hospital with big innocent eyes, and a crying family and friends around, who swore they would never ever again be so mean to the poor girl. Unless, of course, the whole thing went wrong, and they ended up in a coffin.

Whatever they wanted, and whatever they did, the very last thing they wanted to happen, was to be dead. Life was simply too important, and no matter how strong pain could be, there was always an end to it, and a new beginning, if you fought long and hard enough.

Maybe that was, why girls were Senshi and boys were not, he thought bitterly.