@all: Again, thanks for your reviews and mails. I'm really really grateful,
I get feedback at all, and it doesn't matter to me that, like Karla and
Leris said, that other stories might get more reviews. As long as anyone
enjoys this story, I'm happy :-)
And I want to apologize, that I didn't update for so long. It's always difficult to find the time for writing. I have to finish papers for college :-(
@chintamani: Your question will be answered in this chapter *g*
@Faded Nights: We won't know for sure, until we get to the end. *eg*
One word about Saori, I don't remember if I said this already. She's not a self-created character, she appears in one episode of season four. If you want me to, I can look for the title of the episode. By the way, did season 4 run in the US? Last thing I heard was, they showed season 3, and made Haruka and Michiru cousins instead of lovers *ggg*.
Chapter 11 - Broken
-------------------------------
"I'm sorry, I keep talking and talking, and you probably have more important stuff to do."
"Don't worry about it," Saori said. "I only wish, I could help you. I'm not good with these kinds of things."
"You're listening to me. That's what I call helping."
He was back in Saori's appartment, and all he had done for the last few hours was talking. He hadn't told her about the mysteries, and unsolved questions, he didn't think it a good idea after all, if she got too involved in things. Even if she was trustworthy, and he was sure about it, these happenings concerned only the Sailor Senshi, and their opponents.
And him, too. It wasn't anything to be discussed with outsiders.
The things he talked about, weren't especially mysterious or strange. They were quite trivial, or they would be, if circumstances had been different. What was so special about going to the movies with your girlfriend? What was so special about eating pizza, ice cream, and all that junkfood with her, and pick on her complaining, about her weight?
Hadn't he known before, that all these moments were precious, and a moment once gone would never return? Yes he had known. And although he had always believed their future to be written, although they both had thought, long years of happiness awaited them, they had lived their lives right here in the present. They had felt these moments with all their heart.
"Sometimes I think we knew only too well, what it means to lose everything. What I really mean is, if you love someone, and you lose her, and then you find her again, there is no going back to the days when you still believed everything was going to be fine. It's different, because you don't take it for granted. You still run around and do all those stupid things again, you argue about nothing and don't apologize when you should have, but it's just different.
But still, you know, whenever our worlds broke apart, there were so many things I wanted to tell her, and I never had a chance to say them. There was so much stuff we wanted to do, and never did.
After losing and finding her so many times, you might think, it shouldn't hurt as bad anymore, and that hope is stronger than pain. But I'm telling you, it hurts like hell, and I don't have any hope anymore." He clenched his fists so tightly, that his nails cut into his skin. "None at all!"
At first he tried to fight the tears, but then he didn't care anymore. What did it matter anyway? Even if he did know what had happened, it wouldn't change anything. Something had ripped Usako from his arms, whatever it was, she was gone, and she was gone for good.
Very, shyly, it was something she had never done before, Saori put her arms around him. He hugged her tightly, hiding his face at her shoulder. All he wanted, was to cry himself to sleep, and never wake up again. But sleep wasn't enough, it was no escape from the truth. The dreams would return, and they were worse than anything else.
She gently ran her hand over his head. His hair was still moist from the shower. He clung to her, like a drowning man clings to a life-buoy. As she bent down her head, and kissed his tears away, he returned her kisses. The heat spreading inside him, silenced his thoughts. It swept through him like a fiery wind, drying him out. Their kisses grew more and more passionate, yet he avoided touching her lips with his.
She didn't resist as he lifted her up, and carried her onto the bed, almost ripping her clothes off. He feared the moment the heat would burst out of him, so he tried to hold back, but it wasn't possible. The very moment his fire flushed into her, the cold reached for him again, and the emptiness returned.
Sleep finally came and with it the dreams.
***
When he awoke Thursday morning, he wasn't surprised, to find Saori up already. She was busy reading a book about ancient Chinese law and didn't even look up, when he wished her a good morning. Nevertheless something seemed to be wrong, because she kept staring at the book without turning the pages.
Finally she said, without looking at him:"I think you should leave."
He nodded. "If you want me to. Say, Saori, are you angry with me?"
"It's nothing! Just go away, and leave me alone."
He didn't know what to do. Whenever Usagi said "Leave me alone!" she wanted him to stay. She would say that nothing was wrong for three times and still expect him to ask a fourth time. So it didn't seem a good idea to him, to simply go away.
"I can see something is wrong with you, why don't you just tell me? Honestly, I don't want to destroy our friendship."
For the first time she looked up at him. "You already did!"
"So you think, it's all my fault, don't you?"
"All I want you to do, is to go away and leave me alone! I presume, you don't have a problem with your ears!"
"Saori, if you don't tell me, I can't understand, what's going on. I can't read minds!"
She turned her face away but he could see, she was crying. "Leave me alone!" she yelled. It was the first time, he actually heard her raise her voice. Saori had never acted like that before. It was just not like her.
He realized, that she wouldn't talk to him, so he decided to leave. He was so incredibly sick of it. Saori had a mouth, and she could speak. If he had done anything wrong, she could tell him, and he would apologize. Yes, he had gotten carried away. But she acted as if he had forced her, and that wasn't fair.
"I don't have a problem with my ears!" he yelled, as he stormed out the door. "If you had said 'no' I would've heard that."
He threw his bag in the back of his car, and slammed the door, after he had gotten inside. Another broken friendship was exactly the thing he needed!
He called Saori's number but, of course, she didn't answer. It was only the answering machine. "Whatever I may have done, I apologize," he said, "But if this is about last night, it's not fair of you to hold me responsible for everything."
Why did women have to be so complicated? They kept babbeling all the time, but when it came to something important, they couldn't get their mouths open. No one ever wanted to tell him what was going on! He was just so incredibly sick of those guessing games. He couldn't stand them anymore.
It was time to turn the tables. He picked the phone up again, and dialled Rei's number.
"Meet me in the cave!" he said. "the cave, where Queen Metallia killed Usagi!"
And I want to apologize, that I didn't update for so long. It's always difficult to find the time for writing. I have to finish papers for college :-(
@chintamani: Your question will be answered in this chapter *g*
@Faded Nights: We won't know for sure, until we get to the end. *eg*
One word about Saori, I don't remember if I said this already. She's not a self-created character, she appears in one episode of season four. If you want me to, I can look for the title of the episode. By the way, did season 4 run in the US? Last thing I heard was, they showed season 3, and made Haruka and Michiru cousins instead of lovers *ggg*.
Chapter 11 - Broken
-------------------------------
"I'm sorry, I keep talking and talking, and you probably have more important stuff to do."
"Don't worry about it," Saori said. "I only wish, I could help you. I'm not good with these kinds of things."
"You're listening to me. That's what I call helping."
He was back in Saori's appartment, and all he had done for the last few hours was talking. He hadn't told her about the mysteries, and unsolved questions, he didn't think it a good idea after all, if she got too involved in things. Even if she was trustworthy, and he was sure about it, these happenings concerned only the Sailor Senshi, and their opponents.
And him, too. It wasn't anything to be discussed with outsiders.
The things he talked about, weren't especially mysterious or strange. They were quite trivial, or they would be, if circumstances had been different. What was so special about going to the movies with your girlfriend? What was so special about eating pizza, ice cream, and all that junkfood with her, and pick on her complaining, about her weight?
Hadn't he known before, that all these moments were precious, and a moment once gone would never return? Yes he had known. And although he had always believed their future to be written, although they both had thought, long years of happiness awaited them, they had lived their lives right here in the present. They had felt these moments with all their heart.
"Sometimes I think we knew only too well, what it means to lose everything. What I really mean is, if you love someone, and you lose her, and then you find her again, there is no going back to the days when you still believed everything was going to be fine. It's different, because you don't take it for granted. You still run around and do all those stupid things again, you argue about nothing and don't apologize when you should have, but it's just different.
But still, you know, whenever our worlds broke apart, there were so many things I wanted to tell her, and I never had a chance to say them. There was so much stuff we wanted to do, and never did.
After losing and finding her so many times, you might think, it shouldn't hurt as bad anymore, and that hope is stronger than pain. But I'm telling you, it hurts like hell, and I don't have any hope anymore." He clenched his fists so tightly, that his nails cut into his skin. "None at all!"
At first he tried to fight the tears, but then he didn't care anymore. What did it matter anyway? Even if he did know what had happened, it wouldn't change anything. Something had ripped Usako from his arms, whatever it was, she was gone, and she was gone for good.
Very, shyly, it was something she had never done before, Saori put her arms around him. He hugged her tightly, hiding his face at her shoulder. All he wanted, was to cry himself to sleep, and never wake up again. But sleep wasn't enough, it was no escape from the truth. The dreams would return, and they were worse than anything else.
She gently ran her hand over his head. His hair was still moist from the shower. He clung to her, like a drowning man clings to a life-buoy. As she bent down her head, and kissed his tears away, he returned her kisses. The heat spreading inside him, silenced his thoughts. It swept through him like a fiery wind, drying him out. Their kisses grew more and more passionate, yet he avoided touching her lips with his.
She didn't resist as he lifted her up, and carried her onto the bed, almost ripping her clothes off. He feared the moment the heat would burst out of him, so he tried to hold back, but it wasn't possible. The very moment his fire flushed into her, the cold reached for him again, and the emptiness returned.
Sleep finally came and with it the dreams.
***
When he awoke Thursday morning, he wasn't surprised, to find Saori up already. She was busy reading a book about ancient Chinese law and didn't even look up, when he wished her a good morning. Nevertheless something seemed to be wrong, because she kept staring at the book without turning the pages.
Finally she said, without looking at him:"I think you should leave."
He nodded. "If you want me to. Say, Saori, are you angry with me?"
"It's nothing! Just go away, and leave me alone."
He didn't know what to do. Whenever Usagi said "Leave me alone!" she wanted him to stay. She would say that nothing was wrong for three times and still expect him to ask a fourth time. So it didn't seem a good idea to him, to simply go away.
"I can see something is wrong with you, why don't you just tell me? Honestly, I don't want to destroy our friendship."
For the first time she looked up at him. "You already did!"
"So you think, it's all my fault, don't you?"
"All I want you to do, is to go away and leave me alone! I presume, you don't have a problem with your ears!"
"Saori, if you don't tell me, I can't understand, what's going on. I can't read minds!"
She turned her face away but he could see, she was crying. "Leave me alone!" she yelled. It was the first time, he actually heard her raise her voice. Saori had never acted like that before. It was just not like her.
He realized, that she wouldn't talk to him, so he decided to leave. He was so incredibly sick of it. Saori had a mouth, and she could speak. If he had done anything wrong, she could tell him, and he would apologize. Yes, he had gotten carried away. But she acted as if he had forced her, and that wasn't fair.
"I don't have a problem with my ears!" he yelled, as he stormed out the door. "If you had said 'no' I would've heard that."
He threw his bag in the back of his car, and slammed the door, after he had gotten inside. Another broken friendship was exactly the thing he needed!
He called Saori's number but, of course, she didn't answer. It was only the answering machine. "Whatever I may have done, I apologize," he said, "But if this is about last night, it's not fair of you to hold me responsible for everything."
Why did women have to be so complicated? They kept babbeling all the time, but when it came to something important, they couldn't get their mouths open. No one ever wanted to tell him what was going on! He was just so incredibly sick of those guessing games. He couldn't stand them anymore.
It was time to turn the tables. He picked the phone up again, and dialled Rei's number.
"Meet me in the cave!" he said. "the cave, where Queen Metallia killed Usagi!"