Stockholm Syndrome

The Second Prologue: Padma and Seamus

By: Jondy Macmillan (who doesn't own a thing)

A/N: This one was kind of hard to write, because all the emotions that are supposed to go into it are so muddled. I think I started out trying to convey all the love, the pain, and the total disillusionment that Padma was feeling from all the lies Seamus told her. At the same time, Seamus really isn't a horrible guy, he just did mean the things he said while he was with her, infatuated with her, but now he just thinks she's horrible. And what's gone on between them has slowly drained any good feelings that she felt towards him, all that's left is desperation. It's very sad. I don't think I did a good job…the next prologue between Draco and Pansy should be good though.

You stood there with tears in your eyes, trying to disguise all the alibis that had crumbled at your feet. Tennis shoes have long since replaced the high heels that you would never wear for me. I wanted to see a skirt graze against your thighs, but you'd only let him see you wear it. I hated watching you be with him. You claimed you were just his friend. I always thought you were really just his surrogate lover. He destroys everything he touches, I think. He's lower than pond scum, lower than you. Well, maybe not you.

I watched a single stream of tears spill from your lovely lashes, and I couldn't find it in me to cry. Since that day, the tears have rained, poured, hailed down. But I didn't understand what I was losing, I knew in the back of my mind, my brain was screaming, shrieking no. All I could think was that you didn't want me, so damned if I wanted you. But I do, I do. I hear your voice saying 'million Padma, face value?', or 'you're good people' in that adorable childlike tone you'd use to make me smile. I want to hear your voice again, even for a second. I threw it away for him, I guess. Do I love him?

You didn't want me. I dealt with that rejection the best I knew how. I rejected you.

I want to spend every second of every day with you. I want to be with you. They say when you love someone, you know. I knew. At the end, I knew. And that's why it hurt so badly.

I said I loved you and I lied. Except I didn't. You were the one who told me that if you loved something, you had to let it go. So I've let you go, forever. My pain has vanished with the wind, and as sad as it makes me that you still feel hurt, it's better if I stay away. Stay away from me, stay away from my friends.

So desperately, I want to sit across the table from you as you gently hold my hands and gaze into my eyes and tell me I'm worth something. I want to share that awkward easing around of our feelings that we always played at. I want to sit in an airport again and watch the military channel on those stupid muggle picture machines you called a telly with you and listen to you talk about ex girlfriends so I can be oh so jealous again. I want to call you brain damage and hear all those times you snuck fire whisky out of Hogsmeade, and I want drunk visits near midnight. I want my friends to be your friends, and your friends to not just be your friends the way you say they are now. I want you to care about me again. You said you would. You swore you would. Your promises are cheap.

Did you really think we could be friends? You live in a fantasy world.

Remember that time you went to the Weird Sisters concert? I wanted to go, so badly. You even asked me if I did. I said no. I was stupid. I thought that holding on too tightly would make you leave me faster. I wanted to keep you close, I wanted to see your smile every waking moment. How desperate I sound now reflects how desperate I was to keep our relationship, even though now, in the end, I was the one who let it go.

I'm already over you.

Why did I say yes? I'll never get over you.

Now I sit and laugh with my friends about the one who got away, about you. Except I don't call you that, I don't even think of you as that. You're just the stupid, silly girl who fucked around with my heart and lost the best prize of all; me.

I'm so sorry.

I call you the same derogatory names I call all my exes.

I'm so sorry.

I flirt with new girls, prettier girls, more experienced girls.

I'm so, so sorry.

And I've forgotten you.

Please. Please.

There aren't enough words in the world to describe how much I don't hate you, even though I do.

Forgive me.

I'll never forgive you. To top it all off, you stole my best friend away in the mix. I remember the nights he and I would spend hours wasting time, drinking and laughing. You turned him into something I couldn't accept. You made it so that he had no problem molesting one of my best friends.

He kissed her once! It wasn't like she told him no, and it wasn't like he took advantage of her invite to stay in her room. Dean's a good guy.

Don't lecture me on my own friends.

Don't lecture me on mine.

You know what, stop fucking harassing me.

What?

You heard me. Leave me alone. I don't want you. I don't need you. Get lost.

But you said…you said. You told me I was worth something.

Well, I guess I was wrong. You're not.

End-R+R