Chapter 18 – Written in the Stars
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Neptune took his hand, and put something in it. Without looking he knew it to be a small capsule, just like the one that came with the letter.
"It seems you got an entire collection of those," he said.
"No, we had two of them, in case one of us got captured by the Death Busters," she answered. "But that was quite some time ago, and we have no use for them anymore. I leave the decision what you do with it to you. I understand now that none of this was your fault and I think Haruka will, too, if you give her some time. You were right, this is about incidents we weren't involved in, battles we haven't fought! But who can say, what will happen? If this war continues, I'll stay by her side. That is my vow, and I intend to keep it, come what may!"
His eyes narrowed. "I don't need the damn thing!" he snarled, throwing the pill away. "I'll do this my way! Don't worry, the war won't continue!"
He reached for the black rose on the ground, felt its tip as sharp as a knife. The first time she flinched and gave a cry of disbelief. The second time she turned away from him, covering her face with her hands.
Almost immediately a coppery smell started to spread out, filling the air. As he threw the rose at her feet, tiny dark droplets sprayed from its petals.
"War's over," he said with bitter satisfaction in his voice. "You better leave, before you get sick, little girl!"
She turned around and faced him. "Believe me, I've seen worse things! I just don't understand why you have to do this to yourself!"
"No you don't! Haruka would, maybe. I can't blame her for hating me, I would do the same if I was in her shoes. But it doesn't really matter anymore. Just go away and leave me alone!"
As the first wave of dizziness swept through him, he sat down in the grass; he didn't want to show her any weakness by falling to the ground. The pain in his arms slowly faded, as life ran from his veins, what stayed was the pain inside. And the emptiness. He had lost all hope long ago.
He wanted her to leave, yet he was grateful, she stayed. She couldn't possibly know that, but maybe she did anyway. Sometimes people understood each other without words. Sometimes it was possible.
Neptune knelt down next to him, a little more up the hill. He stared to the ground, avoiding her eyes. "You're wrong," he said, "it was my fault, all of it was my fault. Maybe I would've been better off never knowing the truth. But that wouldn't change anything, will it? Now that I've lost her forever... Nothing can change the past. Isn't it bad enough, that I can never hold her in arms again? But this, this is hell!"
"Don't rack your brains about things like that; you'll only make yourself unhappy. After all, you don't have to worry about losing her, she forgave you already. She forgave you, even as it happened."
"It's just not fair. It seemed like peace was finally stable. It seemed like we could finally be happy, and didn't have to worry about enemies. It's just not fair."
"No", she said, "it's not. It never is. But you should be grateful for the happiness you had in this life, instead of complaining."
"You can be incredibly cruel, do you know that?"
"I'm sorry if it seems that way to you. I keep forgetting, you're no Sailor Senshi, so this must be even harder for you, than it is for us. But as you said, nothing can change the past. Or the future. None of us ever had a choice. We are, who we are, and we have to live with our destiny. And die. "
"But the future is already changed, changed completely! How will Crystal Tokyo ever exist without Queen Serenity?"
He finally looked into her eyes; she seemed even more confused than him. "Without Queen Serenity? What do you mean by that?"
A slight drowsiness overcame him; he leaned back against the hill, looking up in the sky. The stars became blurry for a few moments, and then everything went clear again. But it wouldn't take long anymore. Hopefully...
"A Crystal Tokyo without Queen Serenity," Neptune repeated, shaking her head in disbelief, "how did you get such a crazy thought into your head? You've seen our future with your own eyes. You know what will happen!"
"You just don't understand, Michiru-san, our future has changed! She is gone, she..." He wanted to sit up again, but his strength failed him, and he fell back. Neptune caught him, before he hit the ground and cradled his head in her lap.
"You're the one, who doesn't understand," she said, tenderly running her hand through his hair. "How could you ever, ever think such a foolish thing? You remind me of a small child, whose parents have gone out for the evening, and he thinks, they will never come back! Children don't understand the meaning of time yet, they can't tell a couple of hours from forever. Neither can you, if you think an incident like this could change anything about our future. I understand, this must seem like a turning point in history to you, after all it's probably the worst you've ever been through. I know as well as any of us that some things hurt real bad, and they don't hurt any less, no matter how often we go through them. But then there are other things, wonderful moments, I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
I don't know if anyone ever told you about this. There is an old legend, that every butterfly is the spirit of a Sailor Senshi, since girls' hearts have wings. And no matter for how long we are locked into a physical body, we never forget how to fly.
It seems, that whatever fate send us on our way, placed the greatest joy and the greatest suffering on the path before us, and we have to go on, no matter what. Only it shouldn't have placed such a heavy burden upon a boy's shoulders. That really isn't fair; it's just expected too much.
You really did think, you would never see her again, didn't you? You did believe all those moments you shared with her were gone for good, and you could never be happy together again! Now I finally understand why you're so desperate! But there really is no reason to be sad. Never cry for faded roses, Mamoru-san, for they will blossom anew, when spring comes. And the time will come, when all of our tears turn to crystal."
Gently, her fingers wiped his tears away. He resisted the urge to simply close his eyes, and doze off into the sweet comfort of her words. What she said, sounded so unbelievable, yet it seemed like a simple truth he wasn't able to see behind all the desperate thoughts racing through his mind. It was a hand stretched out to him, trying to keep him from falling into the bottomless pit. He just was afraid to take it, fearing it would be no more than an illusion.
"You're saying our future will take place? But how is this possible? How can you be so sure?"
"Can a harsh winter keep spring from returning? Can one missed note bring an end to an entire symphony? Our fate was written in the stars, even before they started to shine, and what are decades, even centuries to the stars? The entire 3rd Millennium is no more than a theme in the great tune of the universe, but it is a whole thousand years to us. Are you saying a thousand years isn't long enough for us to build Crystal Tokyo and to take our places in the cosmic order, as we were destined to? Even if it wasn't, we have all the time in the world. Time really means nothing. Keep that in mind, who knows how many years it will take, until you and the princess meet again."
"I only hope, it doesn't take too long. When she is not with me, every moment seems like a millennium."
That apparently amused Neptune. He couldn't see her face clearly anymore, but he heard her chuckle.
"I'm sorry,"she said, "I know you will call me cruel again, because I can laugh in a moment like this. But the words you've just said, I have to listen to them all the time. I know someone, who is just as impatient as you are, and she hates waiting for me, above all else. I really don't mind waiting, to be honest; I like the feeling, that there is this very special girl somewhere out there, even though I don't know her name, or what she looks like. All I know is that every day of my life brings me closer to the day I meet her and that makes me happy. She doesn't understand that at all, she says every moment without me is a torture to her.
But the day of our first meeting comes again and again, as sure as springtime, and every first time I look in her eyes, I know that I've found her. And then I don't ask how long our happiness will take this time, or how much pain there will be at our parting. In this very special moment there is no pain, and no death, it's like these words have never existed. All that exists, is the look in her eyes that makes every tear I ever cried, shine like a star.
I didn't have a chance to choose my destiny, but if I had, I would have wished for nothing else. For nothing can be stronger than this joy, and nothing can be more wonderful than this fate, that grants us this precious moment another time."
He couldn't see, if she was crying, but her voice sounded that way. It seemed, she was happy and sad at the same time, and so was he, her words had moved him deeply. As she continued to speak, it seemed more like a cosmic melody than a human voice, although he could clearly understand every word she said. And her words kept him from falling and brought hope back to his heart.
And as he looked up into her face, it seemed that someone stood behind her, at first it was no more than a shadowy figure. But strangely, the more blurry everything became around him, the more clearly he could see her. She also seemed to listen to Neptune's words, but he doubted Neptune would be able to notice her presence.
"It has been that way, since the beginning of all times", Neptune said softly. "We fight, we die, and we live again. She followed me into death, and I followed her through the deepest pits of hell. You can't tell me it was all for nothing. You can't tell me that all we ever fought for, all we ever believed in is nothing but an empty darkness. We were destined to be Sailor Senshi, and what could give us the strength to fight and never give in, if it wasn't love? How could we defend love if we didn't believe in it? And how could we love with all of our heart, if we didn't know its true strength?"
He forced his eyes open again; there was so much he wanted to tell her, and so little time. But there was no turning back anymore. He would follow the path he had chosen, to the bitter end. But he knew it wouldn't change anything. He couldn't escape his destiny.
"Michiru-chan," he whispered, surprised he could still get the words out. "You don't know how much I owe you. I thought I could never find hope again."
"You owe me nothing," she said firmly. "There was another time, when you did the same for me, so we're even now. But if you really want to do me a favor, do you remember what you said earlier? You said, you wouldn't blame Haruka for what happened. If that's truly what you think, could you please tell our princess? I don't want her to believe, it's all Haruka's fault. Unless, of course, you want to think about it, perhaps you..."
He shook his head. No, there was no turning back. This wasn't the right time to fight. Every part of him yearned for peace, no matter how short it would last.
Neptune seemed to understand. She got up, carefully putting him back on the ground. Then she reached for the rose, and as she laid it on his chest, he could see it slowly change color. As darkness spread out around him, its beautiful red petals still seemed to glow softly for a while.
"Farewell, Prince," Neptune said, kissing his closed eyelids. "This time, no bad dreams will trouble your sleep."
Her steps on the grass grew softer, finally fading away. But the trace of her presence didn't. It stayed around him like a warm breeze. And still, he wasn't alone.