Shimazaki had said to dress so she looked older than she was.
That was because he was taking her somewhere she'd like, he said, because he had noticed that she was upset. He was a good friend like that…even though she wasn't upset. She was fine, perfectly fine, the most fine that a person had ever been in the history of people being fine. Sure she had been a little…less than fine before….because people had been lying to her for years including her own little brother…but she was fine now. She was the most fine that anyone had ever been.
Well aside from her shoes.
Shimazaki had told her to dress so she looked older than twelve. That meant wearing the type of stuff Minori wanted her to wear. Minori said that it was important to look older than they were so boys would like them. Mob…didn't know a lot of boys…but she did know that if people knew that she was only twelve then she would get kicked out. That was why she was wearing high heeled sandals, to look taller, and also because this was what older girls wore. That was why she was wearing this dress, too, even though it had no sleeves and was way too short. It was more like a long shirt but Minori had just bought one like this, her Instagram was really good for seeing how to dress, and if Minori thought it looked good then it must have looked good. She knew a lot about clothes and stuff, more than Mob did anyway, if it had been up to her then she would have worn her blue sundress with the little flowers on the end.
That comfortable one.
But that was something that a first grader would have worn, all of her clothes looked like first grader clothes Minori had said, and she had to look a lot older than a first grader or she'd get kicked out…and she didn't want that. She was having too much fun…well fun might not have been the right word…or maybe it was. She was sitting in a booth with a colorful drink of…something….in front of her…well it had been full now it was gone…and also she could smoke as much as she needed to in here because a lot of other people were smoking too. Also Shimazaki was here and he didn't make her use moderation.
He was nice like that.
Not that all of her friends weren't nice, he was just really nice. None of her other friends would have brought her to a place like this. It was nice to leave the house sometimes…not that she didn't love her family! She did, she really did, but sometimes it was nice not to have to set a good example for Sho….and Mukai too now…and also it was nice not having to deal with Mukai's mom being around and stuff. She was…ok. Mob wished that she hadn't been. She was nice. She didn't say mean things, she always played with Mukai and never yelled at her or hit her, and also she just…was never not nice. Mob wished that she had been a total b-word. Then the way that she felt would have made sense. But she was nice and Mob was mean and now Mob had to come out here to have fun with her friend…and also breathe a little…not that she hadn't been able to breathe, if she hadn't been able to breathe at home then she would have been dead, but it was like…she could breathe easier?
The room was full of smoke but she could breathe a lot easier.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The air tasted like smoking and smelled like smoking….it was a good smell. It smelled like…like good stuff. Kind of like….well like home…even though nobody in her family but her smoked. Well Sho did but he shouldn't have. It was bad for him and he didn't even have anything to be stressed about so he had no reason to smoke. She was the one who took care of him. She was the one who he had lied to. She was the one who knew all of his secrets now. Keeping such a big secret from her had been a lot on him, and also the fight that they'd had, but it was done now and he had no reason to be stressed…
Not that she was stressed or anything, no, she was fine.
She kept her eyes closed and leaved back against the booth. It felt kind of sticky, well everything here felt kind of sticky. Maybe that was because so much of her skin was just…out. There. Not under her clothes. She hardly ever wore things without sleeves…and never anything this short…and also she wasn't wearing socks with these sandals. She kind of wanted to at least wear her sweater or her hoodie or an entirely different outfit….but she had to look older than twelve right now. She was in a place that was just for adults. There was smoking and drinking and also someone was cursing and stuff. She…should not have been there….even though she kind of was an adult. She did all the things adults did….well most of the things adults did….but she was still only twelve.
She didn't much want to be.
She kind of wanted to be thirteen. She knew that her birthday had just been last month…but she wanted to have another one. Her birthday had really….not been good….first of all. It had started off kind of sad because Sho had been gone…off sneaking around and lying to her….but she hadn't known that yet so she hadn't had any way of being sad about that. She had been happy, then, when she and Minegishi had been twins and even happier when she saw Teru again…and then he kissed her…but then things had gotten not so good…and then they had been terrible…and then she exploded and broke the Seventh Division….so….yeah….not the best birthday. Maybe thirteen would be better.
That is unless dad had any other kids out there.
She opened her eyes and drank what was at the bottom of her glass. Shimazaki had that she would like it, well his exact words had been 'this is strawberry pina colada, you'll love it, anyway I'll be right back so don't go anywhere or tell people that you're twelve' and then he had gone off some place and now she was here…she drank the rest of her drink. She could still feel him. He was the closest esper around. There were some other faint auras, the kind that the Awakened had even though these people didn't feel like Awakened, and also if she really stretched she could feel Tokyo HQ. If she tried then she could feel everyone at home…but then they would be able to feel her and she didn't want anyone to wake up and worry about her. Also….well she kind of…didn't want company. Whenever she had been around her friends, lately, she had just…been kind of mean….and they hadn't even done anything to her. They hadn't done what dad had done…she didn't want to think about what dad had done….or how she was the one who sent him away…her own dad….well she'd had good reason! He had made another sister for her…and maybe even a lot of other kids! Was that what boys did? They just…just…..just went around having kids!? She knew that moms ran away….but dads did too?! When did it all end!? Was she going to have to go through this on her next birthday too?!
Maybe thirteen wasn't going to be such a great birthday after all.
She…didn't know what she would do with more brothers and sisters. Dad had…done something awful to mom…because some lady had tricked him or maybe he fell in love with her or…she didn't know. She did know, however, that if it happened once then it could so easily happen again…and she didn't want it to happen again. She drank the rest of her frozen thing and put it down on the table. She needed another drink…but she was still too little to get one. She was still only twelve…and next year she would be only thirteen…and she would still be too young to be here…she would still be a kid…even though she hadn't felt like one in years…
She sat back and sighed.
She could see the bar. She had money. She had more money than she could count. She could have just gotten up and said that she wanted….she didn't know what she wanted. That had been good…but lots of other things were good here too. Lots of other people, mostly the girls, had really colorful drinks. Blue and yellow and pink and green….she had no idea what they were but she wanted them…and also she kind of wanted a glass of vodka too because it tasted kind of…well not good but that was usually what Shimazaki got her so she was used to it….and also she wanted a glass of strawberry milk too because she liked strawberry milk…she wanted a lot of things….but she had no idea how to ask for them. No matter how she felt, and how she dressed, she was still so much younger than all of the other girls here. A lot of them were high schoolers, she could tell by their uniforms, and she knew that she couldn't pass for a high schooler…she still looked like a kid…because she was a kid….
Even if she didn't want to be.
She sighed and picked up her phone. Late. She wondered if Sho could handle Mukai on her own if she got up. She got up about once or twice to use the bathroom, or to say that she needed a new pullup, but something she just got up to play. Mob had been woken up by that a few times. She liked to stay up late, like dad did. She also liked to watch people sleep, like dad did. She couldn't even count the number of times that she had woken up to dad staring down at her. She…hadn't really liked those…at least not at the time. She would never wake up to dad staring down at her again. She would never sleep next to him after they had been up half the night watching TV and talking about stuff. No more Minecraft either…or Terraria…or Frozen….or kendo even though she didn't like it. No more waking up in the middle of the night to dad asking for midnight breakfast too…..actually she wouldn't really miss that….
But she did miss her dad…even though he was kind of a bad person.
The energy around her shifted and, suddenly, Shimazaki was there. That was normal for him, he could teleport, and he did it all the time. Even in crowded places like this. People never noticed, he said, because if they did notice then they would think that they were going crazy. People didn't just show up out of thin air. Mob felt bad for the normal people sometimes, they had no idea that powers were real, and their worlds just seemed…smaller. Well everyone's world was small compared to hers…she had been all over the world after all. She could do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted and without dad around there wasn't a single person in the world who could say 'no' to her. She could have gotten up, gotten a plane, and flown to….anywhere….if she had wanted to…but she didn't…because she didn't want to…and maybe in not wanting to she was making her world smaller. Sometimes she felt like her whole world was just Sho and her friends…just those two houses….over and over again no matter what country that they were in….and that should have been enough for her, having friends who loved and cared for her, and….and sometimes it was and other times…
She didn't know.
She needed a drink.
Luckily Shimazaki had gotten her one.
"Hey Mob, you miss me?" asked Shimazaki as he sat down across from her. He had two drinks in his hand, one that was clear but in a pretty glass and one that was pink and frozen. He passed her the frozen one. It smelled like strawberries. He smelled like burning.
"I guess I did…um….why do you smell like that?" asked Mob as she took the drink. There was a bunch of fruit on a toothpick stuck in it. She decided to eat that first since it looked good and she was kind of hungry. She had been smoking her pen some, too, and it was beating the cigarettes. She was hungry but also not hungry but mostly thirsty…and a little bit lonely. She had missed Shimazaki a little bit. He was right.
"Like what?" asked Shimazaki as he took one of the pieces of fruit, a pineapple chunk, off the end of the long toothpick and ate it. She let him, he had bought her this after all so he could have a piece of fruit if he wanted one.
"Like burning." Said Mob
"Oh, this? I had some business to take care of." Said Shimazaki. Mob nodded and took a sip of her drink….strawberry with…pineapple? And something else…she decided that she liked it. It was nice and smooth and didn't burn at all…but it was kind of cold though. Shimazaki probably hadn't noticed because he was still wearing his coat, and also maybe he couldn't feel hot and cold like everyone else could, but the air conditioning was on kind of high here…but maybe that was because her dress was so short.
"Claw business?" asked Mob. She didn't think that anything was going on…but then again she wasn't in charge. Dad was in charge. Usually when he ran away he left her in charge but this time he just….hadn't….well maybe because he hadn't run away. She had kicked him out….she took a big sip of her…whatever this thing was.
It was cold.
"No, personal business. You might not know this but a lot of people don't like me. Who'd have thought?" asked Shimazaki
"A lot of people. That's probably because you can be kind of mean sometimes and also you act like a crazy person…but only some of the time….and a lot of people don't like that." Said Mob
"Jeez, Mob, tell me how you really feel." Said Shimazaki. He laughed, there, and Mob didn't really know why…but then again she had always been kind of clueless.
"That is how I really feel. I wasn't lying. I don't tell lies." Said Mob as she drank down more of this drink. It was nice…but she kind of wanted to try that blue thing next. The one that the girl at the next table was drinking. She was really pretty, her hair was long and her dress was blue and sparkly and she had really good eyeshadow too, and also her drink was pretty too. Had she picked a blue drink because she wore a lot of blue? Or had it been picked for her…it looked like that was how it worked. Boys got drinks and stuff for girls….or maybe that was because all the girls here were with boys. Maybe they were on dates? She hoped….well she hoped that the people around her found love and happiness…but she also really hoped that nobody thought that she and Shimazaki were on a date or anything. That would have been…not good. He was her best friend's boyfriend…and also he was Shimazaki! He was a nice person but…he also could be mean to people and he acted like a crazy person a lot of the time….but she still liked him…
Just not like that…she was sorry but that was just how she felt.
"I know you don't, you little drunk, I know you don't." said Shimazaki before he drank down his…whatever that had been…down to the very bottom. If anyone was dunk it was him…at least she was pacing herself and also eating as she went. Minegishi had taught her that and they knew a lot about moderation.
"I'm not drunk. This is only my second drink." Said Mob as she finished her drink…and did her best not to get brain freeze. She made sure not to let it touch the roof of her mouth, she had Sho had figured out that trick a couple summers ago. With ice cream and slushies, though, not drinks. Not these kinds of drinks. Sho…did not need to drink…at least not until he was older and stuff. She knew that it was mean to have one rule for herself and one for him…but also he didn't need to drink so he had no reason to drink and also he was really bad at moderation and stuff.
"You little stoner then." Said Shimazaki
"I'm not stoned either. I hardly had any of my pen." Said Mob. She wasn't even a little bit high. She was mostly just…chilly? A little bit….well not drunk but…kind of…gooey? Gooey on the inside like a cookie…so maybe yes to being a little stoned? She had been sort of…not happy…but not she felt better. Maybe because she had been alone…she didn't know. She needed another drink.
"How about little coke fiend then?" asked Shimazaki. Mob shook her head. She wasn't super sure about how she felt but she knew that she wasn't that. There was no chance of that. She had made a promise to Minegishi and the only thing more important than a promise to your best friend was a promise to your little brother…or sister….since she had one of those now.
"I'm not that either. I haven't had any of that since I was ten." Said Mob
"Really?" asked Shimazaki
"Yes, really. Minegishi told me not to because it was really dangerous….I don't know how it was dangerous, they didn't say, but they made me promise that I would never do it again." said Mob
"Well I suppose that you can't break a promise to Toshi…damn. You're fun on coke." Said Shimazaki
"I know that I am….but I made a promise." Said Mob. Had he meant that he wanted to…again? That had been…really good. Like she had been on top of the world. She'd had complete control over her powers and she'd been happy and she hadn't even been able to think about the things that had been making her sad. Like how Hatori had confessed to Minegishi…that had made her sad…she couldn't believe that something like that had made her sad. She had been littler then, only ten, she was twelve now. She had twelve year old problems now.
"Yeah…and I guess I did too….damn. Well I don't need Toshi any more pissed at me." Said Shimazaki
"They're mad at you?" asked Mob. She hadn't even noticed…how has she not noticed? She was such a bad friend…she had to make this better. She had to figure out what was happening between Minegishi and Shimazaki and she had to make it better. She couldn't let them break up with him. They could not lose their boyfriend. They loved Shimazaki and…and their love story was beautiful! If Mob couldn't have a boyfriend then…well then that didn't mean that Minegishi had to be boyfriend-less too…
How could they be fighting!?
"I…think so? I don't know. I mean Toshi…is Toshi….and sometimes they get kind of pissed for no reason….well their own reasons…but they've never been pissed at me for a Toshi reason before. They've always been pissed at me for a real reason….well not real but…something that I know that I did, you know. Now it's like…I don't know. I need another drink. You want another drink?" asked Shimazaki. Mob nodded. The lights above them had flickered.
"Wait…ok. Yes please. A blue…whatever the blue thing is called." Said Mob. She….may have been drinking too much. She knew that Shimazaki didn't know what color was…she had just forgotten….and now she had said the wrong thing and she always said the wrong thing and did the wrong thing and she just…just…
"I'll ask for something blue for your but bear in mind that I'm blind so…yeah. I have no idea what I'm going to be coming back with." Said Shimazaki before he got up. Mob…she needed to calm down…and drink some more. That was the point of it after all.
"Whatever you come back with is fine…thank you!" said Mob. She waved at him even though his back was turned…he could still tell that she had waved to him. Right, she had known that. He could see in all directions…he could see everything and nothing at the same time. It was kind of cool. She wondered if she could see with her aura…not that it would help. She still wouldn't be able to see what Shimazaki and Minegishi were fighting about….
She hated fighting.
Minegishi and Shimazaki…they loved each other…and when you loved someone then you never fought with them. At least…well if Mob had a boyfriend then she never would have fought with him. If there had been some way that Teru could have been her boyfriend then no matter what he said or did she would never have let herself get even the smallest bit mad at him. She…didn't really know him. She knew that his hair was the color of pasta and his eyes were the color of those cornflowers Minegishi grew sometimes. She knew that he…well she knew that he spoke German, now, and Japanese. Also she knew that he liked soccer and…and that was…oh! She knew that he was a really good kisser. Well…it had felt, at the time, like he was trying to fight her…like his tongue was trying to fight her…but maybe that was just how kissing went.
That was how those people off in the corner were kissing.
There was another pretty girl…well actually all the girls in here were pretty. They all had on really pretty dresses and nice makeup, even the ones in school uniforms, and they all looked so much older than her, like teenagers and stuff. Maybe she should have worn a school uniform to fit in better…well no time to think about that now. She sort of fit in….well she fit in more when she was with Shimazaki. All the girls here were with boys and the boys all had tattoos like he did. She didn't want to fit in all the way, though, because she really did not want to kiss him…especially not like that. In the way that adults kissed. People never kissed like that in the movies and stuff she watched…maybe because the movies and stuff she watched had been for kids. She couldn't imagine Elsa ever tongue fighting with anyone…especially not Anna because they were sisters and that was not what sisters did. That was also not something that she wanted to do again…well maybe….but she was never going to have that chance again…since she was never going to see Teru again…and nobody would ever like her again….
The one person who had ever liked her…and she would never be able to see him again….so of course she had to save Minegishi and Shimazaki's relationship! One of them having a boyfriend was like both of them having a boyfriend…or something…not that she wanted Shimazaki to be her boyfriend….
He was nice but he was no Teru…and also he was Minegishi's….and Sho's too even if Shimazaki didn't like him back….
"I'm back…ok. Mob, I know that alcohol is a depressant but you have got to lighten up. You know how I feel about sad people." Said Shimazaki as he sat down…and he had a blue thing for her. So…well she felt a little better…but not all the way. How could someone feel all the way better when everything they had ever cared about and loved was falling apart like her favorite Elsa dress!?
"I know that you think that sad people are boring and you don't like being bored….and I'm going to try my best to be happy…but it's just kind of hard…." Said Mob. The blue thing was slid over to her. He had something clear in a fancy glass with an olive in it…she didn't know what it was but she knew that olives were gross…even if Minegishi said that things that came from the ground were good for you…but not sugar because that was poison….was that why they were fighting with Shimazaki? Because he mostly ate sugar? That…did not seem like a good reason to fight with someone…but she'd never had a boyfriend before so she didn't really know….
"I'll drink to that." Said Shimazaki as he took a drink of his…olive…thing. Mob took a drink of her blue thing…sweet…way too sweet. She didn't know why they were drinking to unhappiness…but maybe a little warning would have been nice. Maybe that was why he was drinking an olive drink. Mob's was like…blue drink, that blue drink that Hatori drank to stay awake….that nobody knew what the flavor was supposed to be….but it made your mouth itch when you drank it.
"What?" asked Shimazaki as he put his half empty glass down on the table. Mob had barely made it a quarter of the way through hers.
"Nothing….it's just…kind of really sweet." Said Mob
"Let me see." Said Shimazaki as he reached across the table…and drank her drink. He drank right from the same straw that she had been drinking from….which was….something that she and Sho didn't even do anymore and they were brother and sister, they had the same germs. Shimazaki…well he needed to maybe act like less of a crazy person…not that she would ever have been so mean to her friend. No, she had been mean enough as it was lately.
"See? It's sweet." Said Mob as Shimazaki passed her drink back to her.
"Yeah…you were right about that. Wow…what the fuck is even in that?" asked Shimazaki
"Blue." Said Mob
"And what the fuck even is blue?" asked Shimazaki
"I don't know…I don't think that anyone knows. It's just…a flavor that's there. Blue." Said Mob
"Well whatever it is…that was way too sweet. It tasted sort of like…ok, I know that curacao is supposed to be blue…but I was definitely tasting…peach schnapps and lemon….God….this is going to drive me crazy….give me some more of that." Said Shimazaki
"You can have the whole thing." Said Mob as she pushed her glass over to him. This time he didn't even bother with the straw, he just drank the whole thing from the glass…which was maybe something that he should have done before. That way then his spit wouldn't have gotten on her spit…not like that!
No way!
She…did not like him like that. Sure he was tall…and strong….and he made her laugh sometimes….but she wasn't that kind of friend and big sister. Lots of boys were tall and made her laugh and smile…like Hatori…not that she was ever going to make the mistake of falling in love with him again. Him or any of her other friends who were boys…even though the only friend she could ever see herself falling in love with was Serizawa…he was tall and nice…but also he was even older than her than Hatori had been and she had learned her lesson about that.
No, she had someone else who she was in love with….and now she was thinking about him…and she didn't want to….
"Here. Since I stole your…whatever that was…you can have my martini. Be warned, it's soggy….sorry, bitter, as fuck….way too much vermouth…but the drinks suck here…" said Shimazaki as he passed her his olive drink. Mob didn't much like bitter things…but also maybe the bitterness would counteract the sweetness…
And it did.
It was…way too bitter…and also it tasted like olives…and she decided that she didn't like olives. She had only had them on pizza before, and she hated them on pizza, so of course she wouldn't want to drink them. She put the glass down, making sure that the part that she had drank from and not Shimazaki faced her, just so that she could finish it. It looked like they had traded and she knew the rule…it was her rule.
No seconds until you had finished your firsts…or rather no thirds until you finished your seconds…or whatever.
"Shimazaki….did you get that because we would be drinking to sadness…because that tasted like sadness." Said Mob. He looked at her and he laughed…maybe way too loudly since now people were looking…but he didn't seem to care…and maybe…maybe she didn't either. There was the gooey warmth in her stomach now…she slunk down in her seat…her back was all sticky and stuff…
"No, I got that because I wanted to be fancy….but yeah, the drinks here do taste like sadness." Said Shimazaki
"But…if the drinks suck then why are we here?" asked Mob
"Because I don't remember the drinks here sucking so badly….well I remember Toshi saying that they sucked…but I honestly don't remember much of that night. Woke up covered in flour for some reason….and Toshi doesn't even know what happened there. God…sorry. Now I'm the one bringing everything down." Said Shimazaki
"No, no, you aren't. I like it when you talk about Minegishi. You love them and they love you…and I'm sorry that you're fighting….but maybe I can fix it. I mean…I don't know what I would do but…I can try." Said Mob
"This isn't something that you can fix…and we aren't fighting, not really. It's more like there's this…thing…between us. I don't know." Said Shimazaki
"Well if you don't know then I don't know either….but I can find out for you. I could ask them why they're upset with you and then you can say sorry. I mean….they do get upset with you a lot." Said Mob. She had never known that two people in love could have argued the way that Shimazaki and Minegishi argued. She loved her friends…and she loved them together…but sometimes Minegishi didn't seem to love being together with Shimazaki. Sometimes they just…got kind of upset with him…for no reason….well no reason that Mob could tell…but she was kind of clueless sometimes…or all the times.
"They do…but I piss them off a lot…but everyone and everything pisses them off. That's what I love about Toshi." Said Shimazaki
"You love…that they're in a bad mood sometimes?" asked Mob. That…did not make sense…but boys were very complicated sometimes. All of the times. Boys were just…weird…but they thought that girls were weird…so maybe everyone thought that everyone else was weird…and stuff….she didn't know. She took another drink of her sad olive drink.
"I love how they tell me that they're in a bad mood sometimes. Like with…somebody who I used to know…she always acted like everything was ok but it wasn't….and just…I hate it when people do that. Toshi had never once lied to me…and I love that. They're just…yeah. Toshi is Toshi and I don't want Toshi to be pissed off but….I like how they tell me when they are…and just…you know, I think I might be getting a little too fucked up." Said Shimazaki as he stuck his finger in the glass he had been drinking from and….well that was kind of gross….but he was a boy and boys were kind of gross like that.
"You only had three. You had the same as me and I'm fine." said Mob
"My night started a lot earlier than yours, Mob, and anyway you're pretty fucked up too. Your aural output is all…" said Shimazaki. He waved his hands in front of himself…like that would be able to tell her anything. She could see her aura…it seemed…kind of…well now that she was looking at it…it was wavy…but maybe she was just making it wavy because he had said that it was wavy…and maybe because the world was a little wavy too….sort of dizzy a little bit…but not so bad. Not like she was going to throw up or anything….that would have been gross and embarrassing.
"My aura is only wavy because you said that it was." Said Mob
"Well I only said that your aura was wavy because it is, incredibly, wavy…that's a good word for it." Said Shimazaki
"Well...I don't know then….I'm thirsty." Said Mob. She finished the last of his sadness drink…and she even at the olive. She was kind of hungry….sometimes when she got drunk she was hungry…but also she was kind of sleepy too…she yawned as quietly as she could…which hadn't been very quiet at all.
"No, you're drunk. I know you and when you get drunk then you get tired." Said Shimazaki
"I'm not drunk…and I'm not tired. If I'm tired then I have to go home and…and I don't really want to go home right now. I'm tired and kind of hungry….no, not tired. I'm thirsty and kind of hungry so…that's what I'm feeling." Said Mob
"Alright then, I believe you even though your aura says otherwise. Want to get something to eat? I know a great yakitori place…eh? Come on, Mob, yakitori…you know you want some. The chicken calls to you…don't ignore it." Said Shimazaki. He leaned forwards and poked her in the chest…not that he meant anything by that…but then why did she feel so warm? Like….no, Shimazaki hadn't meant anything by that and she felt warm for….unrelated reasons…reasons which she would ignore.
So she did.
"Um…ok. Let's get chicken." Said Mob. She stood up…and held onto the side of the table. It was the shoes, she had decided, and not because her tolerance had gotten really low. She should have just worn normal sandals…but then she would have been shorter…and younger looking…..and she already felt kind of young. All the other girls here were so much older and prettier…and she was…she knew that she was twelve but when she looked at herself she didn't expect to see someone who was twelve.
She didn't know what she expected to see in the mirror.
The wall was a mirror. Mob looked at herself….her face was red…and she was smiling a lot. She brushed her hair behind her shoulders. No braids because they made her look like a first grader, Minori had said so, and the last thing that Mob wanted to look like was a first grader. She was twelve now so she would have been a sixth grader….if she had still gone to school. She didn't go to school so…did it even matter? She was twelve and she looked twelve….and she wanted…
Maybe she wanted to look thirteen.
Teenagers were so grown up. They went to middle school and had boyfriends and went on dates and kissed and more than kissed…not that Mob was ever going to be doing any more kissing…or more than kissing….since the only boy who had ever liked her was half a world away…so maybe she would never be grown up…but she was grown up. She took care of her whole house…and she was grown up enough to send dad away….but also….also she wanted her dad back like a little kid would….like….like maybe it was good that she was wearing such his shoes….because without them she would have felt all lost and little…like when mom had left….
She wasn't little anymore….but also she was…but also she wasn't.
"What are you staring at? I'm pretty sure that there's a wall there." said Shimazaki as he stood behind her. He turned to face the mirror too….and he was al red….and more of his hair was in his face and stuff. He couldn't tell. It was just a wall to him…she wondered what that was like…not knowing what you looked like. Shimazaki had said, before, that people told him that he was good looking but he didn't see it…and he had been trying to be funny….but he had a point. How could people tell these things about themselves, how old they were and if they looked good and stuff if they couldn't see themselves? Which version of you mattered more? The you that you could see or the you that other people could see?
Or maybe it was the you that you were trying to be…but no…nobody could see that version of you now could they?
"Myself. I was trying to see if I looked…older….I guess." Said Mob with a shrug. She had no idea how to tell him what she had been thinking…and even if she did find the words then he might not have been able to understand them….since he had told her himself that he tried really hard not to think too deeply about things and stuff….it made him sad…and the last thing that she wanted to do was to make her friend sad.
"Well I hope to God that you do or we're about to get our asses kicked out." Said Shimazaki
"I don't think that we're going to get kicked out…I don't know. I guess that I was just…thinking that I look like a kid and I feel like a kid but also I feel like an adult and it's…complicated. Sorry. I know how you don't like to talk about stuff like this. I know how it makes you sad." Said Mob. She saw him shrug and then….well she wondered if one of her powers was being able to predict people's movements. She knew what he was going to do before he even did it…maybe because she had powers or maybe because she had been watching him in the mirror. She didn't know. All she knew was that, now, he was reaching around and then…
And then his arm was around her.
He had his arm around her waist now. He had reached over and just…put his arm around her waist. His hand as resting right above her hip bone in that sort of dip that was there…and his whole arm was pressed against her back and…and he was really close now. He was close enough that she could smell him…and underneath the smell of burning she could smell that cologne he always wore but also his hair stuff and even his aftershave…which was weird because he only shaved in the mornings and it was almost midnight…and….
And she….
"Come on, Mob, walk with me. Talk with me. Tell me all your troubles." Said Shimazaki. He said it like normal….because this was normal. They had been this close before. They always ended up cuddling when they smoked together…but they hadn't smoked together in a while…and also…also she was being weird. She was the weird one, not him, well he was always weird so maybe she was being even weirder than him right now.
So she decided not to be weird.
She walked with him. Walking with him was a lot easier than walking on her own. She wasn't used to shoes that weren't flat…so maybe he was helping her. Maybe he was just holding onto her to help her…of course that was what he was doing. She leaned into him as they walked. She pressed herself against his side…but only because she had to. The ground was much harder to walk one once they left the carpeting of the bar and went out to the….whatever the streets were made of…of the streets. The streets were…not as smooth…and not as soft…as the rug….and that was what made her lean in so close to him…
She could see why Sho liked being near him.
He was…tall…and he smelled good…and he felt good through his clothes….but she didn't like him! He didn't make her heart go 'doki doki'. He would never make her heart do that…and it wasn't her heart that was all…she ignored that. She decided that she was going to ignore her body and her brain and just…walk with him. She would never do anything to Sho or Minegishi…and she just…she leaned into him and she kept on walking….
Next time she would wear better shoes…there…so that this wouldn't happen again…not that anything even was happening….they were just walking towards late night grilled chicken…that was all….
"Ok, now that we're out in the world where we can be spied on, shot at, drugged, dragged off, sold, chopped up, and harassed by the gum stuck to the bottom of the shoe of society….what's going on with you?" asked Shimazaki. Mob…if her powers had been listening…well she would have broken something on accident. There were a lot of things to break here. Bright signs…outdoor eating place…indoor eating places with pretty windows….places with not so pretty windows…that Chinese food sign that was off even though there were people eating inside….it was really busy out here at night.
Good thing her powers were listening.
Sometimes when she drank enough or smoked enough then her powers sort of…went to sleep…but like a nap, not for the night. Even though she should have been asleep for the night….her powers were and she wasn't….wow it was windy out. She had to reach down and keep her dress down by hand…it was windy and….well it would have been nice to have had her powers there…but also not now because Shimazaki had just asked her what was up and she did not want to freak out and then he would ask her again and then she would have to tell him that she had just been thinking about how big and strong he was and how she was a bad person for thinking that…how she was a bad person in general now….
Which would have made sense since she came from dad.
Dad cheated on Mob…so maybe she was destined to be a cheater too…not that she had a boyfriend or anything. She and Teru…were just…two people who had kissed and done a little more than kissing…but it wasn't him that she was worried about hurting. Maybe the person who did the cheating and the person who they had cheated with was just as bad…and maybe she was destined to be that bad…or maybe not since she was half of mom and mom had never cheated on dad….but also she had run away…so…what then? Was she just destined to….either run away or cheat…or be someone who made cheating possible?
She….didn't want to be either of those people….
"Mob? You in there? Earth to Mob, come in Mob!" said Shimazaki. He shook her a little bit…and now his hand was kind of up higher…and she just…she hated the way he made her feel…no. She hated the way she felt. She should have been able to figure out how not to feel…like this. She was not only hurting her best friend but her little brother, too, by feeling this way….she was the worst person in the world…because she was a Suzuki.
She wished she had been born anything other than a Suzuki…but still Sho and Mukai's big sis because she loved them…and still friends with all of her friends because she loved them too….in a friendly way.
"Sorry…I was just thinking….thoughts…about stuff." Said Mob
"As people tend to do." Said Shimazaki with a laugh….that she could feel….because she was all near him and stuff.
"Yeah…but they weren't important." Said Mob. She tried to walk a little bit away from him…and stumbled. She was a little dizzy, she was ready to admit that to herself now, but her shoes…well they didn't exactly help. She didn't care if they made her look like a first grader, from now on it was gym shoes or sandals for the rest of her life.
"Well maybe they were. Something's been up with you, Mob, and I'm going to find out. I can't take it anymore. You've been like this…pissed off…girl version of your dad for a while now and it's just kind of weird. So, yeah, I'm incredibly nosy and not above getting you drunk to figure out what's wrong with you." Said Shimazaki
"I'm not drunk….and please don't call me a girl version of my dad. I'm not….I mean…I don't want to be him!" said Mob. She may have been a little too loud, there, because people were looking at them…but not for very long. There were other people being loud too. There was a man singing and holding onto a streetlight…he said that he was singing in the rain but there hadn't been any rain for a while. There was a couple arguing too….she didn't know what about and it was none of her business anyway but she still hoped that they were alright….and older there was just the noise of the crowd….so her shouting didn't make much of a difference….
But, maybe, she still needed to stop it since she was out in public and all.
"I think that we may have made a breakthrough there." said Shimazaki
"What?" asked Mob
"We finally got to the root of your problem. You've got issues with your dad. See? What do people need shrinks for. This shit is easy. You've got dad issues and that's why you've been so pissed off lately." Said Shimazaki
"I don't think that's it. I mean I have issues with what he did but not with him as a person…I mean I think that what he did was wrong and that he's a bad person….I mean….I…just don't want to be dad. I mean he's a bad person and….and I used to think that he was a good person but…it's like….he made Mukai and…and he's married to my mom. He cheated on her and…and he's done so much to bring espers together and to make the world a better place…but also he cheated on my mom and it's just…it's hard. He's my dad and…and he did a bad thing and…and he's a bad person but…he's still my dad." Said Mob. There, standing in the alley, was a man in a suit throwing up against the wall. There was throw up all down the front of his shirt and his pants and he was even standing in a puddle of it. That was how Mob felt right now…even if she wasn't standing in a real puddle of throw up…that was still what it felt like…only there was no wall….
There was just Shimazaki.
She had told him all of this…that was all that she had let out. There was so much more. There was how Mukai's mom came into her house and tried to tell her how to take care of her family. There was how…how Sho had lied to her but…but now they were expected to just…be a family like it was nothing. There was how they were expected to be a family without dad….and also how they had to be one with Mukai…and also how she had lost control and ruined an entire Division…and how nobody would ever love her and the boy, the only boy, who had ever liked her was just…so far away…and how they could never be together and….and there was just so much….and just….
She wasn't throwing up….even though she wanted to….and that was something.
"That's what's got you so messed up? Your dad stepping out on your mom? That's what this is all about?" asked Shimazaki. He said that like…like it was nothing. Well to him it must have been. His dad was an even worse person than her dad had ever been. She remembered, from when they took acid, how he cried and asked his dad not to shoot him….and how he kept on saying that he was ten and he wasn't invisible…and also the thing about how his dad would lock him in his room and make him pee in a bucket and all the times his dad had tried to kill him…
Yeah…things could have been a lot worse. What did she even have to complain about?
"He…did a bad thing….and now I feel bad. I mean my dad is a bad person but your dad…he tried to kill you. That's worse than anything that has ever happened to me in my entire life." Said Mob
"Eh, whatever. It's not a contest and if it was then who the fuck would want to win? Like, yeah, I took the gold for Japan in terrible life…having." Said Shimazaki
"How would they even judge that in the Olympics?" asked Mob
"With a panel of experts of course…or just your dad. Does he still have the crazy plan about judging every single Olympic game himself?" asked Shimazaki
"Yes….but only so that Japan can win all the time. Also only the winter ones. He says that the summer Olympics are boring…and also he's going to add kendo to both Olympics because he really likes kendo…for some reason." said Mob
"It's a sport for people with sticks up their asses about the rules…which is pretty much your dad down to the letter." Said Shimazaki
"Shimazaki! Don't say that about my dad." Said Mob
"What? And here you were just telling me that he's a bad person. So you can call him a bad person but I can't point out the stick that he shoves up his ass every morning?" asked Shimazaki
"Yes I can…because he's my dad and….and also I didn't say bad words…and he is a bad person. He cheated on my mom and…and maybe that's why she went away. I mean I know that baby Mukai was born like…three years…since I was ten when she was a baby…..after mom went away but…still. Dad…he shouldn't have let that lady trick him." said Mob
"What lady? You actually know who the bio mom is? Because Toshi doesn't even know that and they know everything." Said Shimazaki
"I don't know her name…but I know that she must have….tricked him…somehow. Like she told him that she loved him or…" said Mob
"Or he fell on top of her and his dick just so happened to nestle it's self perfectly within her pu-" said Shimazaki. Mob pushed his hand off of her. That…why….who SAID things like that!? Well…Shimazaki….obviously….but still! That was just…wrong!
"Shimazaki! That's gross! What is the MATTER with you?!" asked Mob as she pulled away from him…and stumbled. He reached over and caught her by the back of her dress….and she hoped to God that nobody had seen that….because her back was cold and kind of breezy and…she was very happy that he was blind….but couldn't he have been mute too!
That was a mean thought to have and she took it back as soon as she had it.
"I'm drunk, high, and I took something was round and I have no idea what it is." Said Shimazaki
"Oh….I guess that's a reason….but not a good one! Shimazaki, please don't say things like that…that stuff is gross." Said Mob
"Duly noted." Said Shimazaki. He pulled her close again…this time his hand was lower on her hip. It rested right on her thigh…she could feel him through her dress…but all those weird feelings were gone. He had chased them off by being gross….so maybe….she should have thanked him? Or maybe it was better that they never talked about it again…dad doing stuff….the specifics of it. Yeah….that was good. That was very good.
"Ok then." Said Mob
"Good." Said Shimazaki
"Alright." Said Mob
"Understood." Said Shimazaki
"Double understood." Said Mob
"Quadruple infinity plus one understood with sprinkles." Said Shimazaki
"That's not how it goes. It's third and then fourth and then infinity…but I'm still glad that you understand. Good. Then we never have to talk about…that….again…if you understand." Said Mob
"Well I skipped to the end…anyway. Seriously, if you know who the bio mom is then don't sit on that information because inquiring minds are dying to know. Like mine. My mine is inquiring and I am dying to know who managed to actually get the great Suzuki Touichirou into bed with her." said Shimazaki
"Shimazaki…why are you so gross?" asked Mob as she stopped walking. He moved his hand from her thigh to her lower back…still not weird feelings…because right now she didn't see how tall her was or how strong he was or how good he smelled. No, right now she just saw the grossest boy in the entire world.
"Why are you so squeamish? You know how she got here. I know Toshi taught you where babies come from. There's no point in being squeamish about this or anything. Being squeamish about things, grossed out about them, guilty about them, pretty much having any negative feeling about things lets them have power over you. Like how you've been lately. You've been on your own little warpath lately, if I weren't your friend I would have said that you were being a little bit of a bitch especially to the new girl, and that's just so…not you. Not on brand for you at all. You're letting this shit with your dad have power over you and that's making you….like this…so stop it. He fucked someone else, it happens, and unless he stepped out on you...he likes you a little too much so that's always a possibility….I don't see what you're so upset about. You told him to fuck off, he fucked off, and now you have a shiny new sister and a shiny new friend. So…just….yeah. Stop letting this shit have power over you." Said Shimazaki
"Shimazaki….I don't know if I can do that. I just…like you said, I was so mean, and I broke a whole division and banished my dad…and Fukuda…which I'm less upset about…but still. I did a bad thing and I don't know…what's wrong with me. I mean I just…I've been so mean lately and…and it's hard. To go back to normal…because Sho lied and Mukai is my sister and her mom is here and I can't stop thinking about if she's the one who was with my dad-" said Mob
"Did you try asking her?" asked Shimazaki
"No. Of course not. Why would I ask her if she did…all the things…with my dad? That's not…no. Just no." said Mob. Ask her? What was Shimazaki on?! That was…that was awful! That was even worse than being mean to her….and Mob needed to stop being mean to her…but that didn't mean that she wanted to start being gross to her either!
"Well it would clear some things up…though if you ask me it wasn't her. The baby spoke Korean, right? And she was born in February? Well nine months before your dad was in Seoul….and he's got this weird thing against Korea now so…yeah. Maybe start looking there." said Shimazaki. Mob stared at him…Korean…she…well she had been thinking…the wrong thing. She had been little but…she remembered. There had been that lady that kept on trying to make friends with her dad….she had always seemed sort of weird…and Minegishi had said that she wanted to be dad's girlfriend…but at the time Mob had been too little to know that her dad was even capable of cheating and….
Mob had been such a b-word….hadn't she? And for no good reason, too!
She had just…that lady had done nothing but love Mukai and be her mom…Mob…she had been such a b-word. Not even just a little mean, like she had thought, but a full on b-word and…and there was still a chance. Shimazaki was high and drunk…and also if she and Sho were anything to go off of esper babies grew faster than normal babies but…could she ask? No, that would have been like asking if she had done all the things with dad and…and she wasn't going to ask that….
But she would say sorry.
Because she had to. She…she had been mean…and she still…had the feeling…of wanting to be mean. No, not wanting but like…the impulse? To be mean….Tsuchiya was still in her house and making all kinds of rules but…but Mob…had been acting like a b-word…and she was a big sister now. Well she had been a big sister for a while but she was a big sister to a little sister now. Mukai was learning how to be a girl when she watched Mob. Well a big girl…and then she would learn to be a woman…and Mob wasn't a woman yet, even though one of the books that Minegishi had gotten her was called 'You're a Woman Now' she was still just twelve and…and she would grow up and then Mukai would watch her to see what kind of person she would be and Mob….Mob didn't want to set a bad example….
So she would say sorry….like any good person would have done….and she had to be a good person. Even though she came from a bad person she still had to try and be a good one…a better one than her dad had ever been.
"Mob? You ok? You're kind of all….like this." said Shimazaki. He took his hand off of the small of her back and waved both of them in front of her like she would be able to see what he saw…or rather sense what he sensed. She couldn't she could only sense what she sensed right now….and she sensed that she had been a bad person.
"I think that…I should say sorry. You're right….Mukai…her name used to be Mi-Cha and she spoke…she understood….at least I think that she understood Korean so….so I should say sorry to Tsuchiya…but I won't ask her if she did all the things with my dad because….like dad always says….I won't know what I'm supposed to do with that information…so I don't want it at all." said Mob
"Well I do but I can ask her myself. Anyway let me ask you something." Said Shimazaki. Mob wasn't a religious person but she was praying, now, that Shimazaki wasn't about to say something super weird and gross that she would be spending the rest of her life and most of her afterlife trying her best to forget all about.
"As long as it's not anything gross than go ahead." Said Mob
"How do you like your yakitori? Because we're about a meter away and…as happy as I am to have gotten to the bottom of the 'why has Mob been so bitchy lately' mystery I'm hungry as fuck." Said Shimazaki
"I like it with a little bit of soy sauce and very cooked on the outside…Sho says that I overcook it but…I know that it's mean but I've been him put ranch on toast so…um…yeah. Let's have some chicken." Said Mob. Shimazaki pulled her closer to him…and…it was still a weird feeling but….not as weird as before. Maybe because she had sobered up…or maybe because he had just been the grossest that he had ever been in the history of their friendship. Or maybe because she was a better person than dad. Sure she had come from him, and he was a cheater, but she…she couldn't be that person. She would never be that person…and also….well also this was SHIMAZAKI!
This guy, right here.
He was her friend…but he was also her best friend's boyfriend…and Sho was in love with him…and also he was a lot older than she was. She may have been trying to look older than she was but she knew what happened last time she had been in love with someone who was a lot older than her. Even if he had been single, and less gross, she would not have wanted to go through that again. No…she was going to be alone for the rest of her life and she was ok with that. She was going to be alone, she'd never see Teru again, and….and at least she could be a good person and…and she could say sorry…like a good person would….even though she didn't want to just as much as she did want to…
It wasn't enough to look older than she was. She had to act it too. That meant that, even though Tsuchiya had come into her house and been all….Tsuchiya, Mob needed to stop acting like a b-word and say sorry….and she would…
Right after chicken…and beer, too, since they had beer here.