Sho woke up to something terrible…and no, it wasn't Mukai trying to poke his eyes out.
One minute he had been fast asleep dreaming about a perfect world where dad had died and the next he felt something sharp poking him in the eye. He reached up to push it away…and then something heavy hit him on the chest. He remembered that, when he had been really little, he used to wake mom up like this. Before she got sick he used to poke her awake or jump on the bed or turn her TV on just to get her to wake up and play with him and big sis and stuff. If Sho had time travel powers he would have gone back in time and said sorry to mom and also slapped his younger self across the back of the head as hard as he could.
Because this was not a fun way to wake up, damn it!
"Mukai…what do you want?" asked Sho as he sat up. Whatever had been on his chest was now in his lap. Mukai was still poking him…but thankfully she was too short to get to his eyes. No, now she was just jamming her finger into his side like she was trying to break all of his ribs.
"Games?" asked Mukai as she jammed her finger into Sho's ribs. He pushed her hand away…but she had another one. She was smart like that. Well…she was smart enough to know that she had two hands, anyway, she wasn't smart enough to know that if she wanted to play games on HIS phone then maybe she shouldn't have been waking HIM up early in the morning like this…not that he was mad. No, he wasn't, not even the littlest bit pissed. This was his littlest sister after all and he loved her more than any big brother had ever loved his little sister.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, what alright…just quit poking me." Said Sho
"Games now please and thank you." Said Mukai as she held out her hands.
"What do you want to play? You want to play candy crush again? Or do you want to play angry birds or…what else is good for babies…do you want to play with filters again?" asked Sho as he clicked his phone opened and….that was a lot of missed calls….and texts…all from Emmy. Mukai was trying to get at his phone. He put up a barrier.
She didn't like that at all.
She also didn't like it when he used his powers to put her down on the ground. She had been standing on the ladder to the top bunk….and that had been way more dangerous than anything she had ever done now that he thought about it. Now that he looked over and saw how far it was to the ground and how small she was. Big sis wasn't in her bed. It wasn't made but she wasn't in it….where was big sis? One of them always needed to be watching Mukai and he had been asleep….if something had happened to her….but nothing had happened to her. He had put her on the ground, he was still a good big brother, and now he had to worry about what was going on with his phone and not about all the terrible stuff that could have happened to his own little sister.
Like how if she had fallen off of that ladder she would have died since Fukuda wasn't around any more to heal her and stuff….and how he was already responsible for one scar on her face…and how he was just such a terrible big brother sometimes….
"Mukai….you know I love you, right?" asked Sho as he leaned over the side of his bunk. Mukai just looked up at him…and then she tried to throw one of her dolls at him. He put up a barrier. She smashed her aura against it…she did not like that at all…but he had to keep his barrier up. He kept it up so far from himself that he kept her off the ladder.
Maybe bunkbeds hadn't been the best idea.
"Sho! Sho no do this! Why Sho do this!?" said Mukai
"Mukai, give me a minute." Said Sho as he went into his texts. Emmy had texted him a bunch of times and called him a bunch of times and….what? She said…Mukai was slamming at his barrier but…he needed to figure this out. He had been thinking, hoping maybe, that she was breaking up with him. That she'd had enough of having a boyfriend who she never saw and now she was meeting someone who loved her and lived near her and didn't spend all day thinking about naked guys. That would have made sense…and it would have been great….even though it made no sense for him to want to be dumped….well it did….
But he did need a girlfriend.
Which was why, then, this was a good thing. She had sent him message after message telling him that she loved him and that she wanted to see him…she wanted to stow away on a merchant marine ship to Japan….and also she wanted to hide in a pet carrier and take a plane…because of what he said….but he hadn't SAID anything to her. Actually he had been ghosting her since before Mukai got there and…he scrolled up….
'Bloody hell that's like on Coronation Street or something'
'Pics or it didn't happen'
'You've got a secret sister?'
'Sho I love you too'
That was what he saw as he scrolled up. He…hadn't said a word to her…maybe he'd been sleep texting. Emmy had sent him a link to this thing about this guy who cooked meals and cleaned his house in his sleep. The human body was a weird thing…and he kind of wished that he knew how to test people in his sleep. That would have been cooler than waking up to his dick doing that weird thing, anyway, and also it would save him some time. Apparently he was a very good sleep texter…if it had been him…but who the fuck else would it have been.
He looked over at Mukai.
"Hey….you aren't secretly a baby genius like in that movie…are you? And you got up in the middle of the night and broke into my phone and texted stuff to my girlfriend….right?" asked Sho. Mukai was bored of his barrier and now she was pulling clothes out from under his bed. She looked up at him and stuck her finger in her nose.
"I'll take that as a 'no'….and don't put your finger up there, that's how you get nosebleeds." Said Sho
"Games now please and thank you?" asked Mukai
"In a minute, ok? Why don't you go to big sis? She's got a bunch of girl games on her phone. Huh? Go on, go to big sis now." Said Sho. He opened the door with his powers, picked her up, and put her out in the hallway. He should have done it by hand but…well he knew that if he got down from his bed then she would try and play with his phone again…and he needed a minute to figure out what was going on. His girlfriend…was happy with him. She hadn't been calling and texting to tell him that she was mad at him for ghosting her and stuff….no….she was happy with him…
More than happy.
'That was the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever said to me in my entire life. I'll admit that I was cross with you. Not only have you been gone for half a year but also you stopped talking to me but I understand. I love you too. When I'm with you I feel like glitter is exploding inside of me too. I think about you all the time. Sometimes I think about you a lot when I'm alone-'
Sho stopped reading there.
She had sent him a whole paragraph. First of all he wasn't the good at reading English….and second of all he wasn't the good at reading backwards…and third of all he wasn't all the good about reading….about reading how his girlfriend loved him and thought about him and felt…the same way about him as he felt about Ritsu and Shimazaki and a whole lot of other guys too…and how she was embarrassed to have told him…and he was happy to scroll back down to the parts where he asked her about baby sis…even though right after that she asked him if she had been weird or grossed him out….
A lot of times.
'I'm sorry about what I said before. Please don't be cross with me.'
'You're cross with me, I just know it.'
'Sho, talk to me. I said I was sorry.'
'Hey Sho I was just fooling.'
'No I wasn't and I'm sorry for lying to you.'
'Sho please just talk to me.'
'I just looked up the time and you're probably still in bed. I'm so stupid I'm sorry.'
'Please message me when you wake up.'
'I love you.'
There were a lot of emojis in there, too, and…yeah. She was…not happy…well of course she wasn't. He knew that it had been a dick move to ignore her for this long but…well what could he have said? That he kissed a guy? That he met a guy who he was in love with and who probably loved him back? That he had been lying to her for years just like he'd been lying to everyone else? That he was pretty much one hundred percent sure that he was gay and that he only had her as his girlfriend because dad was a dick hole's dick hole? No way. He couldn't tell her any of that…and he couldn't tell her that he'd been lying….and he couldn't tell her…well the easiest thing to do would have just been to keep on lying to her or ignoring her…and he didn't want to lie to her anymore…so he had been ignoring her…
And now…now someone had decided to take his phone and message her.
He scrolled up to the message and…emojis. A lot of them. Also someone had put a heart next to Emmy's name. That was a girl thing,…and only one girl in the house knew how to write. Well there was Mukai's mom but this did not seem like something that she would do. No…big sis had done this. Big sis had broken into his phone and…and….and….
What the fuck?!
"What the fuck!?" shouted Sho. He kicked his blanket off and jumped from the top bunk. He landed on his hands and knees like a cat. It hurt his ankles….and also his wrist since he'd been holding his phone…but he didn't care if he broke every single bone in his body! What the fuck had she been THINKING?! She had gone into his phone! That was like…like….like going through his diary or something! Not that he had a diary like a girl or something….no…but….that was his phone! She could have seen the stuff he took pictures of…all the pictures he took of Shimazaki when he wasn't looking….and she just…
What the fuck!
"Sho? What's going on?" asked big sis. He hadn't even made it to the door when she came…well he had been shouting kind of loudly. Baby sis was shouting now too…and he wished that he hadn't taught that word…he'd feel guilty later! Right now he needed to…he kind of wanted to push her. He wanted to push her because she was just standing there like this was nothing…and he hadn't felt like this since he was like eight or nine or something! He'd been really mad all the time back then….and he was really mad now!
He took a deep breath.
"Sho? Why are you mad? Is it because-" said big sis
"It's because you went through my fucking phone, Shigeko!" said Sho. How could she have not known?! She…he had never once gone into her phone…and she should have known that and….and also never gone into his! She probably had all kinds of stuff that he wasn't supposed to know about and…and…and how could she have done this?!
"I…well I didn't really go through it, little brother." Said Shigeko. She was playing with her braid, now, she did that when she was nervous…and she should have been nervous! She had gone through his phone like it had been hers or something! Who DID that? Well besides Hatori…he liked to be nosy…no wonder she had tried to ask him out and stuff…they were so much alike…maybe she should have gone with him and dad….she was a lot like dad too…with all of the lying….
She was lying to him…his own big sister was lying to him.
"Then who texted my girlfriend? Because it wasn't me and it wasn't Mukai and we aren't living in the emoji movie so my phone didn't text her all by its self." Said Sho. She had never once lied to him…that he knew of….she could have been lying to him for their entire lives. She just…she hadn't been making pragmatic choices. When he'd lied to her it had been because he'd had no choice…she had just…gone through his phone and lied to him…and nobody had told her to do ANY of those things!
"I texted her…but only because you were sleeping! I mean I saw that she wanted to talk to you and also…also I saw that you hadn't said anything to her in a while and I just…wanted to help. I mean if you don't text her back then she won't love you anymore and then you'll end up getting dumped-" said Shigeko
"That's the fucking point! I want to get dumped!" said Sho. He said it and then wished that he could have taken it back. She was staring at him…and he was staring at her and…and now things were flipped. For once he was the honest one and she was the liar…he wished that he could have flipped this back. He wished that he could have been the one lying to her face….now he could never take this back….and she had already known that he liked boys instead of girls…
But she hadn't known about how he'd been lying to Emmy.
She was probably still pissed at him about the thing with baby Mukai…and also she was a girl. She was probably going to take Emmy's side. She was probably going to decide that he was a terrible person and…and that he was just like dad. He was a cheater and a liar and the cheating and lying apple didn't fall far from the cheating and lying tree and…and she was going to be all 'how could you do that to someone' and 'I don't care if you needed to do this to get dad off of your back playing with someone's heart like this is still wrong' and then he would be all 'I'm sorry' and then they would end up having a great big fight…
They were already having a great big fight.
"Little brother….why? That doesn't make any sense. You love Emmy….you-you want to marry her and-" said Shigeko. She was looking at him like he had just killed their mom or something…and why was she hurt?! She no reason to feel hurt right now! She was the one who had gone through his phone and she was the one who…who….this wasn't about her! This was about him and the things that he had to do…the pragmatic choices that he would have to make….choices that she would never have to make! She had been born right and he had been born wrong and…and that was just…
Fuck her! Fuck Shigeko!
"I don't love her! I just have to be with her! I was….I just….now she loves me even more and…and I just….fuck you! Fuck you, Shigeko!" said Sho
"What?" asked Shigeko
"I said fuck you!" said Sho. He couldn't go back now. He had just said 'fuck you' to his own sister. If dad had been there then….well then dad would have hit him. His head would have hurt and his ears would have been ringing and he would have been dizzy….but dad wasn't there. He'd been sent away because of what he had done…and Sho…he deserved to be sent away because of what he had done….no! What he was doing, what he had done, was different than what dad had done! Sho'd made his choices because….because he had no choice! Dad was the President of Claw and he'd be the President of the world some day…..his life was nothing but choices! He could do whatever he wanted…and so could big sis…but not Sho!
No, he only had one choice…and that was doing whatever dad told him to do…and it really fucking sucked!
"Little brother….you don't mean that…" said Shigeko. She took a step back and held both of her braids down. He was freaking her out…he took a step back….and then forward….and then back. He just…he was so mad…he couldn't remember ever being this mad before in his life…well not for a long time. He felt like a kid again…like back when he used to hit her…and he almost wanted to hit her…but he couldn't hit her…even though the hitting apple didn't fall far from the hitting tree….he was dad's son…but he wasn't dad…and he wasn't going to hit big sis…
But he was going to yell at her a whole lot.
"I do! Fuck you! Fuck you and-" said Sho. He could see his aura now. Red. He was seeing red. Something fell down. Something broke. He didn't know if that had been her or him. He could see her aura now too, pink and blue, and…and he didn't want…fuck her! Fuck her for making him talk about this and fuck her for going through his stuff and fuck her for-
The energy around them shifted.
"What in the world is going on in here?" asked Baby sis's mom as she walked right into his room like she owned the place. There was sniffling behind her….baby sis….
"Nothing." Said Shigeko. She crossed her arms and shook her head. Sho did the same. How could….they weren't alone anymore and…and baby sis lived here…and she was way too little to know what was going on…and he didn't want her to know what was going on.
"No, something is definitely going on in here. It's not even eight in the morning and you two are at each other's throats? Come on, you're both siblings, you need to get along. Now what is happening in here that's got you two three steps from killing each other?" asked baby sis's mom. She had her hands on her hips and she was looking at them like mom used to…back when she had been around…and he and big sis had been little. They used to fight over their ipad and the TV and their toys and just about everything…and mom would always look at them like that….like she was fed up…
That wasn't his mom…but still.
"Fighting, mama. Over there." said baby sis. She was hiding behind her mom's legs and pointing at them…and she seemed scared…fuck. Double fuck. Triple fuck. All the fuck. All the fuck in the whole world. He was…she was looking at him like she was scared and….and of course she would have been scared….
"Baby sis…no….we aren't fighting." Said Sho. Well he had already lied to one of his sisters he had might as well lie to the other one. He couldn't stand to see her like this, all sad and sniffly, and…and this was one of those pragmatic choices….he really fucking hated those.
"Mukai…I'm sorry. We're…we're ok. Do you want me to...here. You can have my phone. See? Games." Said big sis as she took her phone from her sweater pocket and handed it to baby sis. All of her snuffles went away…even her aura looked happy…he was going to have to get her a phone of her own…that would make up for this…
He couldn't believe that he had scared her like that.
And he couldn't believe that he had yelled at his sister! He had said 'fuck you' to his own sister! Which, first of all, was really mean. He hadn't even meant it in the way that he and Shimazaki meant it when they had cursing matches. He had just…said it to her…and shit. Also that was a really fucked up thing to say to your own sister. Because fucking someone meant the same as doing gross stuff with them…and that was his fucking sister! You couldn't talk that way to family….damn it…he was going to have to make this up to her…even though she was the one who should have been making it up to him! She was the one who had gone through his phone and posed as him and messaged his girlfriend like…like…like some kind of…he didn't even know what!
"Please and thank you!" said Mukai before she ran away.
"Mukai…alright. A little bit of phone time…I'll deal with her later. You two…what are you even fighting about? You've both been so close…what's happening?" asked baby sis's mom. Big sis shook her head…but she didn't look at her like normal. Not all…mean and stuff…which was weird. Big sis didn't like her…well big sis liked everyone…even him.
"We aren't fighting. Sho was just yelling at me because I went into his phone and sent a message to his girlfriend…but I was just trying to help!" said big sis
"I didn't ask for your help, though. I didn't want…you…to talk to her for me." Said Sho
"Well you weren't going to message her, you even said so, and I didn't want you to get your heart broken. You're a boy and boys don't know about this kind of stuff…so I just…wanted to help. I didn't know that you wanted to get dumped…and I don't know why you would want to get dumped." Said big sis
"You know why I want her to dump me! You know why and…and…and I don't even know if I want her to dump me! I just….stay out of my phone and stay out of my life!" shouted Sho. He…he knew that yelling at her was wrong…but he just…he didn't want to talk about this! Especially right in front of baby sis's mom. She was a mom but she wasn't his mom…and he wouldn't have wanted to talk about this in front of his own mom either. She would….she would have loved him no matter what…she had said so…but she had also run away from home….so…yeah. He had no idea what mom would have done if she knew that he liked guys….and also…also he didn't need to know what baby sis's mom would have done if she knew so…
So he just didn't want to think about this anymore!
"Little brother-" said big sis. Baby sis's mom put her hand on big sis's shoulder and shook her head. He expected big sis to tell her to fuck off, well in her own big sis way, but she didn't. She just stopped talking…good. They could all go next door and have breakfast and then never talk about this ever again.
"Wait, hold on…you have a girlfriend?" asked baby sis's mom. No…this was not…no! This was not something that he wanted to talk about. He knew what she would do. She would make a big deal out of it like all the other adults did. Like…like other people had girlfriends! It wasn't special! It happened every day!
"I don't want to talk about this! I don't want to talk about her and I don't want to talk about this and I don't want to talk and-"said Sho
"Sho! Stop yelling! It bothers Mukai and it bothers me and also it bothers Tsuchiya-" said big sis
"I'll stop yelling when everyone figures out how to mind their own fucking business!" said Sho. Didn't she have her own stuff going on? Why did she need to be all in his business like this! He was NOT a baby anymore! He didn't need his big sister just being…there…all the time! Trying to fix his stuff for him….and he did not need her trying to help with stuff that she wouldn't understand! She was…she was…she was born right and she would never understand what it was like to be him!
"Little brother, stop cursing! Mukai is going to curse if she hears you!" said big sis. Now she was shouting…and the dresser tipped over. This was….he was too pissed off and now she was pissed off…and phone games wouldn't keep baby sis entertained for long. He needed to calm down…but it was just so hard! And what did she have to be so upset about!? Well besides the way he cursed but….but also he was yelling and…
And she didn't get it! And she would never get it!
"Hey! Enough of this! Both of you, take a deep breath." Said baby sis's mom. She was shouting now and…well not shouting. Not like he had been shouting…more like mom shouting. The kind of shouting that made you stop what you were doing…he almost felt like he was going to be put in time out…even though he was eleven now and the last time he had been in time out was when he'd been six…and also she wasn't even his mom…
But she was a mom…and moms had powers…like the powers to make fights stop instantly with just their words.
"I don't need to take a deep breath, I'm calm now." Said Sho. He knew about taking deep breaths, he had memorized the book that Minegishi got him after all. He had read the whole thing and memorized it and he knew that he needed to take deep breaths and go to a cool, dark place and focus on his breathing and all of that shit…and he would…once everyone left him alone and stopped digging into his life and his business.
"Yes, you do. Now come on, the both of you. In for four and out for four." Said baby sis's mom. She took a deep breath…and big sis followed…and Sho followed big sis. He….felt good. He usually took deep fast breaths but baby sis's mom was breathing in slow and…and so was big sis…and so was he. His head felt…better. He was less warm and…and he could sort of feel his body more now…
This was ok. Just ok.
"There. Now don't you feel better?" asked baby sis's mom. Sho…he did feel better…a lot better…but not all the way better. He felt less like yelling and stuff but…now it was like there was this…space…inside of himself that just…felt bad. Like the time he and Shimazaki tried to eat that big sandwich they stole from the party all by themselves and ended up throwing up…or maybe later when they tried to finish it after it had been sitting out all night and the mayonnaise went bad…or….something like that.
"Kind of." Said big sis
"Whatever." Said Sho
"Good….now both of you, stop fighting. I haven't seen you two fight once since I've gotten here and I'd like to keep it that way. Now come on, you're both siblings, and you should get along." Said baby sis's mom.
"We do get along…most of the time." Said big sis
"Good. Now I'm going to see what Mukai's up to. The both of you…knock it off." Said baby sis's mom.
"Fine." Said Sho. Baby sis's mom looked happy with that. She went off to find baby sis…Mukai was being quiet…and it was never a good sign when she was quiet. Big sis, on the other hand, was mostly quiet…so it was a bad sign, now, that she was looking at him like she was going to say something….
Why couldn't all of this just be over with already?
"Sho….I really am sorry. I was just trying to help and…and I know that you didn't ask for my help…but I wanted to help you since…you know. You don't always do the best thing." Said big sis
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Sho
"Well…um….Fukuda taught you a lot of bad stuff…like to lie…and also…also you're a boy and boys don't know a lot about girls and…and you didn't even have a heart next to her name and…and I don't know what you think that you know but I just…thought that you might not have known what you were doing." Said big sis
"I…I know what I'm doing…and you wouldn't understand." Said Sho
"I don't understand, you're right, but I want to. I…I am so sorry that I made you yell at me…and I am so sorry that…that I went through your phone. I just…wanted to help. I don't know. You just don't always make the best choices." Said big sis
"Stop saying that." Said Sho
"But you don't. You lied to me for years and you listened to Fukuda and-" said big sis
"You don't know-! Sorry. it's just….you don't know what I have to do. You were born right and I was born wrong and…and I just…I need a girlfriend, ok?" asked Sho
"Sho…but you said that you wanted her to dump you…and also…also I know how you feel about…about Shimazaki…and other boys too." Said big sis
"Yeah, no shit. I'm the one who told you." Said Sho
"You did…and…and I think that…if you want to break up then you should break up. I mean if she doesn't make you happy-" said big sis
"You don't get it, Shigeko, no girl is ever going to make me happy! I just…she likes me and I make her happy and…and if I dump her then she's going to be sad and I have to find another girlfriend…and I don't want to make her sad and…and I thought that…that if she dumped me then she could have found some other guy to make her happy and…and she deserves….someone who's a lot better…than what I can be." Said Sho. That was from Frozen…maybe she would get it if he told her in words she could understand. Emmy deserved so much better than what he could be and now he had to lock himself in this room for the rest of his life…there. Simple. The whole thing made perfect sense…but he couldn't lock himself in this room….because it didn't have a lock.
"Sho…I think that lying is wrong and…and she would be happier with someone who could love her-" said big sis
"She deserves someone who won't cheat on her." whispered Sho. There. Now she knew. Emmy…maybe he had been ghosting her so she could see what a terrible boyfriend he really was. Sure he spent time with her sometimes, kissed her when she wanted to, and bought her things…but there must have been more to a relationship than that. Dad said that a man's job was to provide a woman with a house and money and children. The woman's job was to spend the money and take care of the house and the children…and…and that just seemed so….not good. Sad and kind of cold and…plasticy almost. He….he didn't think that he would have wanted that…and he didn't think that he would have wanted, if he had a been a girl, a boyfriend who ignored her phone calls and sat naked in a bathtub imagining a bunch of other guys in there with him…he sucked…he really fucking sucked as a person…didn't he?
"What?" asked big sis
"Are you fucking deaf?! I said that she deserves someone who won't cheat on her!" said Sho. What, did she want him to find their old microphone and start screaming into it! Well then she was welcome to go digging through the boxes of their old toys because he wasn't going to! He had said it twice now and twice was way too maybe times!
"But…I know you and you would never-" said big sis
"I cheated on her! I…there was this guy….Ritsu…and he….he actually wanted to kiss me! And he did kiss me! And….and it was the best thing that I have ever felt in my entire fucking life!" said Sho. It all came up like throw up…and he wanted to throw up. He was saying this out loud with words and…and now she was looking at him and…and she knew that truth and…and telling the truth…it felt good. Well good like throwing up felt good, like how it felt good to get all that bad stuff out of your body, and…and like throwing up once he started he couldn't stop.
"Little broth-" said big sis
"I like it and…and I like him and…and I think about him all the time and….and if I had been anyone else then I could have been happy! He likes me…no guy has ever liked me before and…and I don't want to think about him but I do…so I spend time with Shimazaki and that helps but then I think about Shimazaki and…and…and you'll never know what it's like!" said Sho. He dove into her bed and pulled her blanket up over his head. He would have climbed back up to the top bunk if he trusted his feet more…but he didn't. He didn't trust any part of his body right now. Not his shaking hands or his jelly legs or his racing heart or his shallow lungs…it felt like every single part of his body was betraying him.
That fit, though, since he was betraying every single member of his family.
He had scared baby sis and he had yelled at and lied to big sis…and also he had kissed a guy and that was a betrayal of dad….but dad could do suck dicks in a public bathroom during golden week for ten yen coins. He had betrayed everyone in his family…everyone he loved…he was the worst. He was the worst person in the world…which made him the best…the best at being the worst…
Or maybe he was just…a Suzuki.
Maybe he was just infected by dad's genetics. Dad was a liar and a cheater and he hurt people for the stupidest reasons and he was selfish and Sho…Sho was every single bad part of him. Big sis was like mom, all of her good parts, the parts that hadn't made her run away. Big sis had every single right to run away, nobody would have blamed her, but instead of running away she just sat down on her bed and put her hand on his back.
She was there for him…even though he had done nothing to deserve someone who loved him as much as she did.
"Sho…it's going to be ok." Said big sis. He hated it when people said that. Unless she had suddenly developed future vision she had no idea if things were going to be ok…and you didn't need future vision to see what was coming for him. He was never going to see Ritsu again. Ritsu would go and find a boyfriend and kiss him and stuff and he'd forget who Sho even was. Also Shimazaki would probably end up married to Minegishi and then they'd have a kid together and he'd forget all about Sho. Then big sis would grow up and some guy would marry her and she'd love him, and be free to love him since girls were supposed to end up with guys, and then she would forget all about him….and baby sis would do the same…and then he would be all alone with some girl who he had tricked into loving him and probably ten or twenty of his kids who he lied to every day….
The future sucked more dick than an out of work businessman in a public bathroom during golden week.
"You don't know that." Said Sho from under the blanket. Big sis started to rub his back like mom used to when he got upset and hid…he wished that he could have been that little again. He wished that he could have been so little that his problems were still dumb stuff like he forgot to charge his ipad or someone sat in his spot during circle time in preschool or his Zootopia plate was still in the dishwasher or something dumb like that. He wasn't little anymore, he was eleven and a half, and his problems were eleven and a half year old problems….and then he would have twelve year old problems…and then all the problems once he grew up and…
And it really sucked.
"I…don't. You're right…but I love you and I want to make it as ok for you as a I can…" said big sis
"You can't do anything. Nobody can do anything. This is just…the way it is. You know how dad is and…and he would probably kill me if…if he knew what I was like-" said Sho. The blanket was pulled off of his head. The light was coming in….too much of it. He saw the light and it burned…but not as bad as big sis's aura did…
She was pissed.
"Sho….little brother….do you really think that I would ever just…let dad hurt you? Let dad kill you? Is that what you honestly and truly think?" asked big sis. She sounded pissed. There was an…edge….to her voice. She was mad and….and she didn't show it like normal people….but she did show it sometimes…but only when something had really pissed her off.
Even though he had no idea what she was so pissed about.
She had sat there for years, for their entire lives, and watched dad beat him up. Her and mom. Dad was the dad and that was what the dad did, he hit his kids, dads hit their kids and moms loved their kids. Shimazaki's dad had hit him and so had Minegishi's dad and Shibata's dad used to hit him when he was little…that hadn't lasted long, he said, but that was just how it went with dads. When he became a dad he was never going to hit his kids…but that was him. Dad was still dad and he knew that big sis had made him promise not to ever hit him ever again…but this was dad that they were talking about. Of fucking course he was going to break his promise.
He was dad. He was a Suzuki.
"You used to let him hit me all the time…you and mom." Said Sho
"I was a little kid then…and mom…I don't want to talk about her right now. She was a normal person anyway and…and also I don't know if dad…if she ever told dad what I told him. I told him that if he ever did anything to hurt you then I would take you and I would leave…" said big sis
"I know. You said so." Said Sho. He knew what she had said…and he also knew that the only way to leave Claw was to leave as a spirit….and that was just for Awakened and Scars and stuff. Dad…he would never have let his own kids go. He had no idea what had happened to mom…but he doubted that dad would ever let him and big sis go like he had let mom go.
"I did…and I meant it." Said big sis
"Yeah, well, nobody leaves Claw. You know that." Said Sho
"I'll find a way…and I mean it. I will take you and leave if dad ever hurts you for any reason….and that means if he ever finds out that you like boys instead of girls. I love you and I would do anything for you…so don't ever think that I wouldn't." said big sis. If she had been an anime character then she would have had fire in her eyes. The way her aura was…it was almost like she was surrounded by fire. He loved her…and he trusted her…but also he knew dad. Dad was dad and he answered to no one…not even big sis. Sure he had left when she told him to…but he would come back once he stopped being busy…and then…well he didn't know what would happen next.
Nothing good. Nothing good ever happened when dad was there.
"I…think that you'd try." Said Sho
"Good. I'd do anything for you…and I may not understand but…I want to. This is a lot…but I'm here for you. I can…if you want to give me Emmy's phone number then I can tell her to break up with you….I mean I won't tell her that you're in love with another boy….but….if you aren't happy with her then…then you shouldn't be with her." said big sis
"Big sis….I don't have a choice. I'm a guy and I'm supposed to end up with a girl and…and everyone already knows that I asked her to marry me and…and if I break up with her then…then they'll know and…and also…also I can't hurt her like that. She loves me and…and I thought that if I ignored her then she'd go away and…and I just…it's hard, ok? You don't get it. You like guys. You've never…you've never been in love with another girl…and you've never been in love with someone who's loved you back and….and you don't know how much it…it hurts." Said Sho. He wiped his left eye with his sleeve. Big sis wiped his right eye. She wiped his eyes and then laid down next to him.
Then she stared.
She stared at him like there was something that she wanted to say…and he had no idea what she was going to say to that. She had better not have told him that everything was going to be ok again. He hated it when people told him that. It was like they were just brushing away everything that was bothering him…everything that he had to say and do and feel and…shit sucked. It all sucked and…and she was going to say something but…but he wanted her to just…stop talking. He wanted to go back to bed…or maybe he could go and spend time with Shimazaki…he always made Sho feel better…also maybe they could smoke together. Baby sis had to stay here while he smoked, of course, and big sis…well she never shared…and he kind of wanted to be alone with Shimazaki…
Or maybe he just wanted to be alone all together.
"I'm…in love too…not with another girl but with someone who…who I shouldn't be in love with. I…know what it's like to love someone and have them love you…or at least want to…kiss…you…and…and it hurts. It hurts and I'm in love with a boy…so you're right…I don't think that I'll ever understand what it's like to be you…but…I know what it's like to be me and…and it's hard." Said big sis. Sho….well he didn't know…what to do with that information. He felt like dad. He had no idea what he was supposed to do with this…with all of this. Some guy….some guy had KISSED his SISTER.
He did not want to think about that.
Big sis…she felt the same way about some guy as he felt about Shimazaki and Ritsu…and also sometimes random guys he saw out in the world. He….did not want to think about his own sister having those feelings…well he knew that she liked guys. She had been in love with Hatori before…and also dad had beaten Shimazaki up because she liked him….but….just…no. He did not need her talking to him about kissing…like…and now he had to kick that guy's ass! Where did he get off just…just kissing big sis and….and leaving her!? What the fuck was that.
Somewhere there was an ass waiting to be kicked….
"Some guy kissed you and left? Who? Where is he?" asked Sho
"Um…his name is Teru and I met him in Germany…well first um….do you remember when we were in the Seventh Division and…and that boy escaped? And dad was really mad?" asked big sis
"Yeah. Fukuda thinks that I'm the one who let him go…why?" asked Sho
"Well I let him go…and also…also he kissed me and I was in love with him for a while…and then on my birthday when we were in Berlin…that's in Germany…I met him again and we kissed and…um….things that I don't want to talk to my little brother about and…and people keep on kidnapping him on accident so he can join Claw so…so we can't be together and he has to hide so….so it's hard and…and I love him…and…stuff." Said big sis. She was red. She was bright red…scarlet…that was the name of that color. She was scarlet and…and he…well he didn't want to talk about his big sister kissing or…whatever else…with a guy….but he didn't care if that guy had to be in the run….not that he was going to tell big sis that Claw never kidnapped people on accident….well…that Teru guy had better have found a good hiding spot…
Because Sho was kicking his ass with both feet if he ever showed his sister kissing face around big sis…stupid…sister kissing…womanizer….taking advantage of his big sis….
"Why are you mad?" asked big sis
"I'm not mad." Said Sho
"Your aura is mad." Said big sis
"I just…he shouldn't treat you like that. Like…like if you kiss someone then…then you should love them…and shit…and…and if I ever see that Teru guy then I'm kicking his ass." Said Sho
"Sho…please don't. You're probably never going to see him but if you do then…please don't scare him off. He never said that he loved me, anyway, we just kissed and…and you just…you're kind of…doing the same thing to Emmy…" said big sis
"That's different. I'm making her happy and…and it's…different. I have to have a girlfriend and…and it's not like me and Ritsu can ever be together anything. He's…if I tell you something do you promise to keep it a secret? Even from dad?" asked Sho
"I sent dad away, you know that, but of course I can keep a secret little brother. What is it?" asked big sis
"I…I let him go. Like with…with what happened to you…he got kidnapped. Him and this guy who takes care of him and….and he…I let him go. After you came and…exploded….I let him go and…and he kissed me. He kissed me but like...like on TV. He held me close and he kissed me and…and he said that he likes me and…and I love him. I love him and…and it's hard to talk about him and…and even if I you told dad off…I just…you can't watch dad twenty four hours a day and…and I just…it's hard. It's a lot of…of pragmatic choices and…and I just…let me handle this. I can handle this…ok? I'm...sorry that you feel the same way about Teru as you feel about me but just…I can handle it myself…ok?" asked Sho. Big sis closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In for four and out for four. Once, twice, and then three times….he forgot the word for three times…but that was how many times she breathed out for…
Her aura as calm now.
"I love you, little brother, and….and I'm sorry that I went through your phone…and I'm happy that you had a really good kiss…I don't want to think about it but I'm happy for you and…and I won't ever go through your phone again…ok? Now…come on. I don't feel like cooking…but Shibata probably does so…let's go and have breakfast." Said big sis. Sho was not going to argue with that. It was done, that whole big fight, and….and he had never been so glad to be over and done with a fight in his entire life.
"Yeah…let's get dressed and…and see what Shibata's making….probably pancakes again." said Sho as he sat up. Big sis sat up too and…and that was the end of it. The end of that big, terrible, fight he had woken up to. His body felt…lighter…now. Like his secrets had been weighing him down and stuff. He was…he felt…good and bad…at the same time. She knew…she knew but…but she could still look at him. She was looking at him now and…and now she was hugging him….and he hugged her back. He had never felt so close to her in his entire life…and not just because they were hugging. She was there for him…and she would always be there for him…even knowing that he was a cheater apple that had fallen from the cheater tree…..she…still loved him…..
This wasn't such a terrible morning after all…not great but…but not terrible.