Sometimes it was best to lie to someone so long as you made them feel better.
Sho…well he was never going to tell any more big lies…to his big sis…because that had been wrong. Other kinds of lies were ok. Like how Emmy thought that he loved her and stuff….that was a lie but it was still ok…and big sis did not get to have an opinion on that and even if she did it wasn't like he was just going to break up with his own girlfriend because he didn't like girls. What kinds of a reason was that to break up with someone? Not a very good one at all….but a very good one for not picking up the phone when the girl who loved you most out of all the other guys in the world called.
He'd tell her that he was busy.
He kind of was. He was sitting in Serizawa's room watching baby sis think that she was winning some old game that had come out before everyone in the room had been born. Well not Serizawa, since he was the one who had picked the game, but pretty much everyone else in the room. Big sis was the second oldest person in the room and she was only a year older than him…well less than a year since sometimes they were twins and sometimes they weren't….even though the book had said that it took nine months to grow a baby but his and big sis's birthdays were only six months apart…that was weird as hell. Not that he minded, he liked being born in December since he got double presents, even though it might have been nice to have been the oldest….
But being the second oldest was nice too and that was not a lie at all.
"I'm winning! I'm winning!" said Mukai as she shook her controller up and down like a Wii-mote. Sho wasn't going to tell her that her controller wasn't plugged in and that Serizawa was the one playing for her. That would have been mean. It was alright to lie to someone just so long as you didn't hurt their feelings.
And just so long as it wasn't a big lie.
Fukuda had been right and wrong about telling lies. It was wrong to tell people big lies, like when he told big sis that he was visiting Emmy but really he was having fun with baby sis, but little lies…those were ok. Like when he told Serizawa that he didn't smell bad or like when he told Shibata that he liked burnt pancakes or like when he told Shimazaki that he loved him as a friend or when he told Minegishi that he wasn't the one to crossed out the ending of the book they were reading. Little lies were ok just so long as the person you were lying to wasn't going to end up getting hurt.
Even if she was getting twisted up in the controller cord.
"Here baby sis, let me help you." Said Sho as he untangled Mukai. She hit him in the face with her controller…but that was ok. She didn't mean it and if she did…well he loved her and would continue to love her no matter what…even if that 'what' involved him getting hit in the face.
"I'm winning! Over there!" said Mukai as she pointed to the TV. She wasn't even playing anymore…but she was a baby and she didn't know what stuff was. He wondered how long this would work for. She was kind of a sore loser…kind of a really sore loser…and also she was really strong. She was strong enough to break a 3DS in half
"Y-You sure are!" said Serizawa. Baby sis turned and stared at him for a minute before reaching over and tugging the controller out of his hands.
"Seri not winning!" said baby sis as she took Serizawa's controller away…and then her character died.
"Well no…because you killed us…but that's ok! You did very well, Mukai. You're so good at this." said Serizawa. Baby sis looked at Serizawa and nodded.
"I'm winning!" said Mukai. She jumped up and down a bunch of times even though her character died. She…didn't get it…but that was ok. She was happy. That was what mattered, making someone else happy, but…only when they weren't going to get hurt. Baby sis wasn't going to get hurt thinking that she was the best videogame player ever and that she would take Japan to the videogame Olympics someday. No, it gave her hope for the future, like for when she grew up and stuff, so this was ok….
His phone vibrated again.
He ignored it. He let it sit in his coat pocket while it vibrated…he knew who it was. Sho…had no idea what he was supposed to say to her or…whatever….so he was just going to say nothing. He was glad that big sis was doing her own phone stuff right know. She would have just asked him who it was and he would have told her and then it would have turned into a thing…
Or worse, she might have wanted to help him again.
He didn't need her help or anyone else's. He…was doing…a thing. He didn't know if he was doing the right thing or the wrong thig but he knew that he was doing a thing that needed to be done. Emmy needed to be happy, she deserved to be happy, and he made her happy…even though he was lying to her. Lies always had a way of coming out…like how big sis figured out about baby sis….or like how one day baby sis would grow up and look back on this day and realize that not only was her controller not even plugged in but it didn't even go to this system. Emmy would wake up one day, look at him, and the run away and leave him with their kids and stuff…
Best case scenario.
He was happy to wait for that day to come. He was happy to sit there on the floor while his phone rang its self dead. He would have done that, too, if baby sis hadn't gotten that look in her eyes. She got that look in her eyes and the next thing he knew there were two little baby hands trying to make their way into his coat pockets. He tried to pull her off with his powers. He had a lot of stuff in his pockets that a baby shouldn't have been playing with. He had a really sharp piece of glass he found, a box of cigarettes he borrowed from Shimazaki, a bunch of crushed up poptarts that he was planning on eating at some point, and also his phone…so not the things that a baby should have been playing with.
But she was a baby and when you told a baby that she couldn't do something…well that was just like telling her that she had to do something.
"Sho phone! Sho say hello!" said Mukai as she held his phone above her head.
"Mukai, come on. I need that." Said Sho as he reached for his phone. He knew that he was a hundred times bigger than her. He knew that he just could have taken it right out of her hands if he had felt like it…but then she would have cried. She would have done that thing where she scrunched up her lower lip and her eyes got all teared up and she started crying…he didn't want to be responsible for that….
He wanted his baby sister to be happy.
"H-here…do you want my phone? It has games…" said Serizawa as he held up his phone. Baby sis looked at him and shook her head.
"Games over there. Sho phone over there. Over there." said baby sis. Sho pulled his phone away from her with his powers…not hard enough to take it out of her hands and make her cry but enough to maybe loosen her grip…
She was a very strong baby.
"Sho hello! Sho hello phone! Seri hello! Sho mama hello!" said baby sis. She took his phone and pressed it to her ear backwards. She nodded like she was on the phone with someone…and at least she hadn't answered it. She knew how to do that. She was really good with phones even though she couldn't read or write or understand the difference between here and there.
She knew how to turn phones around.
Sho got up and pulled his phone from her hands. He tried to work it out from in between her fingers. She was strong…and also she kicked him in the stomach. She had strong baby feet and really sharp aby nails. She was like a cat but less fuzzy and he didn't get to pick her up that often because she was starting not to like that anymore…actually she was more like a dog…or just like a sister or something…
He loved his sisters, both of them, but they could both be kind of a lot sometimes.
"What's going on?" asked big sis as she finally looked up from her phone. Baby sis pointed at her and then at Sho and then at her again.
"Sho mama! Sho hello! Say hello!" said baby sis
"I…think she wants you to get her mom?" asked Serizawa. Sho shrugged. It was hard to understand baby sis sometimes…all of the times…like now. Why was she trying to still answer the phone? She knew that it was done vibrating…and why did she care of he got a call anyways? She had her own…wait, no, she didn't have her own phone…well now he knew what to get her for Christmas at least.
"She's laying down." Said big sis. She reached over with her powers and took Sho's phone from Mukai's hands. She did the thing. She let her eyes get all teary and her lip was being all lippy and she let herself fall backwards until she was sitting…and she was looking at Sho and big sis like they had ruined her life or something.
"Sho mama….mean." said baby sis. She crossed her arms and looked down at her feet. Serizawa dug around under his bed until he found his DS. He put it down in front of her. She pushed it away.
"Do you want to play something else? I have my original Gameboy and I got a light….since it's not backlit…but you don't know what that means." Said Serizawa
"I think that she wants to play on Sho's phone." Said big sis
"Sho mama mean me." Said baby sis. Sho…didn't think that he'd been that mean…but he kind of had been. Maybe he should have just let her play with his phone. If she picked it up and answered it then…well then that would have been fine. It wasn't like he could keep Emmy in one place and his life in another…even though it had been working well for this far…well it had been working well enough until big sis went and pretended to be him on the phone…and….and he wasn't going to break up with Emmy so…so maybe he should have just let baby sis answer the phone.
Sho…was kind of mean…and Mukai was totally right.
"Sorry…I was kind of mean…here. You can call whoever you want on my phone, ok?" asked Sho. He held out his phone to her. She took it and put it down the front of her overalls. It hit the floor since she was wearing a dress but she didn't seem to care…or notice. She was still sitting there with her arms crossed and her li doing the lip thing she did when she was upset. Even her aura was acting all upset…poor baby sis….
"No please and thank you. Sho mama mean." Said baby sis
"I think she's mad at you and she wants her mom." Said Serizawa
"But her mom is laying down now…and also I can handle this. Hey Mukai? Do you want to play some more? We promise that you'll win." Said big sis. She crawled over to Mukai…and got a phone to the face. Mukai could move really fast when she wanted to. She reached down, took Sho's phone out from her overalls dress, and threw it so hard that it left a red mark in between big sis's eyes.
Then the room shook.
Baby sis covered her ears. A bunch of games and one of those toy robot model things fell off a shelf. Big sis crawled over to Serizawa and hugged him close. Sho hugged baby sis. Serizawa had almost lost control…that had been bad…well that could have been bad. Things were ok now. Baby sis was ok and big sis was ok…and he was ok…
As ok as he could be…even though he knew that he was a mean big brother.
"Sho mama mean…" said baby sis as Sho held her close and rubbed her back. She wasn't scared, at least it didn't seem like she was, she was pissed off…which was weirdly cute.
"I know I was mean…and I'm sorry." said Sho as he held his baby sister close.
"Seri sad. Over there." said Mukai as she pointed over towards Serizawa. She had to shimmy her hand free to do that…and in shimmying her hand free she ended up pulling his shirt up with her…but he didn't mind. She wasn't calling him mean anymore. That was what mattered.
"He's just freaked out but don't worry. Big sis is there for him." said Sho. Baby sis pulled away from him and shook her head. Was she disagreeing with him? Well she did that sometimes…but usually with more slapping and shouting.
"Sho mama mean. Over there." said baby sis. She pointing right at big sis…for some reason. Big sis looked at baby sis, at him, and then at baby sis again. Serizawa looked over at baby sis too before his eyes went wide.
"Oh! She thinks that you're Sho's mom….sorry…" said Serizawa
"Wait…what? But…we're the same age….well we are for half the year." Said big sis. Sho agreed. What? Baby sis…well she was a baby. She didn't know how things worked. She had only just know figured out that you had to put the bread in the toaster for it to make toast, not that the toaster was a magic toast machine. She was little and she didn't know about ages and what siblings were and stuff….but that was ok. Kind of weird but ok.
"Sho mama! Mean! Over there!" said baby sis. She walked over to big sis and tugged on her braid just so everyone knew what she was talking about….she was smart like that…even if she could be sort of dumb…just a little bit…baby dumb, not big kid dumb.
"You…think that I'm the mom?" asked big sis. Baby sis nodded.
"Well…you do act like a mom…sometimes. I mean…not to call you old or anything! I mean I know that youre younger than me but….well I don't know exactly how much younger and…um….I'm just going to stop talking now." Said Serizawa
"But…she thinks…" said big sis
"You are kind of like my mom…our mom….I mean dad put you in charge and you're always thinking about me and baby sis and taking care of us and stuff. That's the kind of thing a mom does…and baby sis doesn't know what a big sis is…because she's two….so don't feel bad and shit. Ok?" asked Sho. Her aura was all…pulled in…and stuff. He didn't get what she was so upset about. She was pretty much his mom without being his mom. She was sort of better than mom, sometimes, because she never left. No matter what he did she always came back.
Even when he was the biggest asshole in the world she always came back to him.
He had lied to her and been mean to her and she…she came back. Mom would never have come back. Mom ran away for now reason. She just…left. Even though she had no reason to leave. Sure dad was a dick hole but he was a dick hole who was gone for most of the year. She didn't have to leave and…and baby sis was picking her nose again. He went over and pulled her finger out of there. She was going to poke her brain and get a nosebleed or something if she did that. Big sis was usually the one who stopped her from picking her nose…but she did a lot already.
He could do stuff sometimes too.
"Yeah! You're a great mom! You're like…like my mom only not my mom and…that sounded a lot less weird in my head…sorry." said Serizawa
"That sounded fine. You're right, big sis is like everyone's mom! She's like…sister…friend…mom. She's your friend or your mom or your sister…or something. Like Uncle Grandpa." Said Sho
"Good morning!" shouted baby sis. Sho…maybe shouldn't have mentioned that show…but baby sis liked it and it fit…and she wasn't mad at big sis anymore…which was good…but big sis was being all…like that now….and he didn't know what he was supposed to do about it. She knew that she was like mom. She knew that she took care of him….so why was she all…bothered and shit?
"How about we watch TV…let's do that…right now. Come on." Said Serizawa. He got up and picked up his umbrella. He poked baby sis in the back. She laughed and ran from him. This was a game to her…well she liked games…because she was two and shit. She was happy again. She was happy and…well she was two. It was easy to be happy when you were two.
It was harder to be happy when you were twelve…or eleven and a half.
"Don't let her sit right in front of the screen…she'll ruin her eyes." Said big sis. Baby sis was long gone when she said that. She looked down at her phone again…but the screen was black. Sho scooted over so he was next to her. She didn't look at him. She stared down at her phone.
"What's up?" asked Sho. Big sis shook her head.
"Hatori dumped sand on someone…he thought that we would think that it was funny." Said big sis. She held out her phone. He took it from her and put in her pattern. That…well it looked like Hatori had been texting her all day…but unlike her he wasn't going to scroll up and pretend to be her. Sho just looked at the picture of the guy in the silver coat getting sand dumped over him…that was funny as fuck…but for him…
"What the hell…I mean this is cool but…why?" asked Sho
"Because he thought the we would think that it was funny….and also because sand is course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere….and that's supposed to be funny for some reason…" said big sis
"it's a meme." Said Sho
"Oh. I think I've heard the one…I'm going to tell him not to dump sand on people anymore….it's annoying and you can never get it out…not that I want to be like…I don't know." said big sis
"But it's funny! The fact that sand is annoying is why its funny. Come on, let Hatori dump sand on people. Please?" asked Sho
"Um…dad's in charge of him…dad can decide what is and is not ok. I'm not dad…and I'm not mom…I don't even want to be…to be mom….I mean I love all of you but…mom is…" said big sis
"Complicated?" asked Sho. That seemed like the word for mom. He had others, of course, words that he knew that she should not have been using when he thought about her. Words like…the b-word…because that was what she was! She'd left them and…and that made her a…bitch. He whispered the word in his head. She just…she left and….and he…he loved her and…and the whole thing was complicated…
And nobody could tell him that it wasn't.
Dad wasn't there. Dad couldn't come out and beat the shit out of him for talking about mom. Mom wasn't a traitor, she just…ran away from home…and probably because of how dad cheated…even though Mukai was only two…well if mom had been there then she would have left if she knew the truth…not that he blamed Mukai…and not that he…that he loved his sister more than his mom…or his mom more than his sister and…and he just…
This whole thing was complicated…and it was ok to talk about it….because he was gone….
"Yeah…complicated and….I just…I love you and I love taking care of you….um…..let's go watch TV with baby Mukai….ok?" asked big sis. Sho….he wanted to say more…he wanted to talk about…to ask her if…to ask if she ever missed mom…to ask if she ever thought about where mom was and what she was doing…if she ever wished that she woke up and saw mom there but it was only like a dream….echo….and shit…
And he could…he could ask.
She was getting up now. He reached up and took her hand. She stopped, looked at him, and then sat back down. Serizawa's room didn't have a lot of free space…and also the rug was even dirtier than the one at home….but she still sat down next to him…she was always there for him…
Like mom….only better.
"Sho? What's wrong?" asked big sis
"Um…I just….do you ever miss mom? I mean…I mean…" said Sho. He let go of her hand. He didn't know why he was looking down. He knew that dad was gone. He knew that nobody was going to hit him. He knew that he was Suzuki Sho and he could do whatever he wanted to do….and he knew that big sis would always be there for him….
"I do….every day….do you?" asked big sis. She played with her braid and looked away when she was nervous…but why would she be nervous? She was the one in charge. She didn't have to worry about what dad would do to her. Dad actually loved her….Sho wasn't mad…because he loved big sis too…he loved big sis and he loved mom and….missed her….
"….every day…..I mean I love you but-" said Sho
"I'm not mom…and I know. Um….I miss her and you miss her and….and that's ok and….and let's go and watch TV with Mukai…with baby sister." Said big sis. Sho nodded. She got up, he got up, and then off they went. He hadn't lied, he did miss mom every day, especially now. Talking about her….it was like talking about her made her real…even if she was real. She was real gone but she was real.
Big sis was a lot like mom…but she wasn't mom…and that wasn't a lie at all.