Sho had wished, for most of his life, that he had a pet.
Specifically a hamster. He just…liked them. They were cute and small and fluffy and loved you forever and ever. Also hey had really cute little eyes and when they looked up at you then it felt like they knew who you were. Well of course these hamsters knew who he was. He was the person who bought them. Back at the pet store they had been so sad. They had lived in this little plastic tank thing with only one wheel for all of them and it had just been a shitty place to live. Not like here.
This was the best place in the world for anyone to live.
"Sho, do we really need all of these tubes?" asked big sis as she held up a part of the habitrail. That was what the tubes were called. They were habitrails because they were trails that led to different parts of the habitat. Their habitat was the whole house…well little houses he put in the house. They had a cat now, well it was somewhere, and cats ate hamsters. He liked cats alright but he liked hamsters the best…and he would never let any of his little friends get eaten.
What in the hell kind of pet owner would he have been if he let his hamsters get eaten?
"Yeah, so they don't get eaten." Said Sho as he poured bedding, that was a kind of hay, in the big habitat. He had some big ones and some little ones. They were based in his room because the internet had said that they needed to be where they could hear the family but not in the middle of it. They were little and they got stressed easily…well they were already stressed out. They were still in the plastic things he'd gotten from the pet store…and Mukai was tapping on the glass even though he had told her to stop.
He wasn't mad at her though…just annoyed.
He pushed her away from the hamsters with his powers. She slid down the hall over to…that felt like Shibata. He could kind of tell where people were by their auras. Shimazaki was still much better at it than he was, of course, but he was ok too…and he was getting better. Maybe one day he would be so good that Shimazaki told him that he was awesome and-
-and he needed to get back to work.
"I don't think that Cat is going to eat them. She's a very nice cat." Said big sis as she put some more habitrails together…and she was doing it wrong…but he wasn't going to be a dick about it. He reached over with his powers and put them together right. These had to be put together in the right way or the entire thing could collapse and the hamsters would end up getting all hurt and fucked up and shit. That would have been bad. He was the one who took care of these guys, he was in charge of them, and he had to keep them safe and make their lives better.
Big sis of all people could understand that.
"She's still a cat, though, and cats eat hamsters…and why are you still calling her 'cat'? She needs a name. Everything needs a name…it sucks not having a name." Said Sho. He knew what it was like to not have a name. Dad had spent most of his life calling him 'son' and not in a nice way too. Not like how dads on TV called their kids 'son'. When dad called him that it wasn't in a 'I'm happy to have you as a son' sort of way. No, it was in a 'I can't be bothered to learn your name so I won't even try' sort of way. He would never call someone 'son' or 'daughter' especially when he had his own son and daughter…and he was not going to be calling their cat by anything other than it's name…whatever name everyone had settled on.
He wanted to call it Fluffy or Super Cat or The Cat With No Name….or even Jellicle Cat…but he mostly just wanted the cat to have some kind of name already!
"She does have a name. Mukai named her and her name is Cat….I don't think that Mukai is very creative." Said big sis
"She's two, she doesn't know things yet…and she needs a name. Everything needs a name…it sucks when someone won't call you by your name." said Sho
"You don't call me by my name but it doesn't bother me." Said big sis
"Yeah, well, you're my big sis…and that's what I've been calling you my whole life." Said Sho
"No, you used to call me Shigeko…well you could only ay the 'Shige' part." Said big sis
"When? I don't remember that." Said Sho
"When you were really little…like when you slept in the bed with bars on the side. I kind of remember you were calling me 'Shige' a lot…but I was really little too." Said big sis
"Well I was a baby then…so that doesn't count." Said Sho
"Well I don't mind what you call me…and if you want to call me by my name then that's ok too…or you can call me Mob if you want." Said big sis. Sho shook his head. He knew big sis's name, and he called her Shigeko sometimes, but only when he was mad or whatever…and he wasn't mad at her now so he wouldn't be calling her that…and he wasn't going to call her Mob either. That was just this thing that the other kids had called her when they had been little just to make fun of her. She was his big sis and that was what he could call her…big sis…
And he was not going to call the cat 'Cat' because of…reasons. Reasonable reasons.
"Just put the habitrails together right." Said Sho
"Like this?" asked big sis. She put them together but they didn't click….and she knew that she had to listen for the click. She knew that she had to listen for the click because she was the one who had read him the directions. Maybe he needed to do just do this himself. The others were trying to help. This was a hamster party, Shibata had called it, but this wasn't a party at all. This was serious work. Nobody got it. Nobody got how…much…it was to take care of something else, something that was alive, something that depended on him for everything…well big sis got it. She took care of him...but he could kind of take care of himself. He could feed himself and piss on by himself and he didn't need his cage cleaned out once a week and his food changed once a day and he didn't piss where he slept...not anymore…not that often these days…he wasn't a hamster. He was a human, and he was an eleven year old human, and hamsters were just like babies…even more like babies than baby sis.
At least he didn't have to build tunnels for her so she didn't get eaten or stepped on or lost in the house…like the time with the baby snakes…
"No, I mean do it right." Said Sho
"I was putting them together right." Said big sis
"No, they have to click together or else they'll come apart and then the hamsters are going to get hurt." Said Sho
"Oh….I don't want to do that…to be the one responsible for something bad happening." Said big sis
"Me neither…so let me do it. You can help Shibata make hamster food or…take a nap with Minegishi..or hang out with Serizawa…or look at the sun with Mukai's mom." Said Sho. He knew that he was being a dick hole, kicking his sister out like that, but he needed to work. He needed to work and he needed to get this right. He knew that if he was a hamster then…then he would have wanted to live in a good place…and this was a good place.
Dad was gone.
Dad was gone and now there was no one to tell him that he couldn't have a hamster…or six of them. There had been six in the plastic thing and he hadn't wanted to take them away from their friends. He knew that if someone just came and took him away from everyone he knew he would have been pissed off…and he didn't want to be pissed off….and also he knew that he would have been sad…and he wouldn't have wanted to have been sad…so he had to get this done and he had to get this done right! Dad was finally gone and everything could be the way he always wanted it to be…so it had to be right!
And if you wanted something done right then you had to do it yourself.
"Tsuchiya isn't looking at the sun. She's meditating. She says that she has to contemplate how her life got this point." Said big sis
"What's there to contemplate? She joined Claw and adopted big sis and now she gets the best posting ever." Said Sho. This had to have been better than the Seventh Division. They didn't have pets there, dad had a rule because he hated animals and fun and joy and happiness, and also they weren't good friends there. Not like how everyone, aside from Minegishi, was good friends here. What was there to think about? And what did the sun have to do with that? She should have been inside watching baby sis…
Not that he didn't love his baby sis, he did, she just…kind of always got into things and right now he needed to work.
"I don't know, I didn't ask. She just asked me to watch Mukai while she meditated. I think that it might be for a while, though, because Minegishi said something mean to her and she said something mean back...so I'm probably going to have to watch Mukai for a while." Said big sis
"Then why aren't you watching her?" asked Sho. That came out kind of mean but he couldn't take it back. He just had to let it sit there in the air…but she didn't notice. She never really noticed things like that, not unless he was being a dick hole's dick hole, instead of just a regular dick hole. She was kind of clueless like that…he was glad that she was.
And he hoped that baby sis didn't take after her.
Baby sis…he loved her…and he wanted her to be able to tell when people were being dick holes to her…even him…and he hoped that he never ended up being a dick hole to her but he knew himself. He was a dick hole to everyone without even meaning to. That was just how he was…because of dad. He had gotten a lot of dad's genes. Red hair, blue eyes, freckles, pale skin, psychic powers, cheating, yelling, hitting, being mean…pretty all the bad parts of dad. He wished that he had gotten more of mom. He wished that he could have been nice like her…but he could only be himself…but he had to try harder at being a better version of himself.
For big sis and baby sis…and also all of the hamsters. He was all that they had in the world and he could not be a dick hole to them.
"I am. I can tell where she is. See? You can hear her running." Said big sis. Sho could hear her…and so could the hamsters. The big one with the white stripe on his back was on top of the hamster pile. He was protecting the others. They were small and got scared easily and stuff…and he had to protect them…and he knew that baby sis would never have done anything to hurt them…but also she was only two and didn't know any better.
"Can you make her stop? She's scaring the hamsters." Said Sho
"No she's not. They're taking a nap, see?" said big sis. She pointed over at their tank like Sho couldn't see them with his own two eyes. They were freaking the fuck out….the tunnels came apart in his hands. He had pushed them together too hard….and he was getting pissed off…and he could not let himself get pissed off like this.
"They're scared. They huddle together and shake when they get scared…ok? Just…I have to do this so can you please just watch Mukai?" asked Sho
"She's coming back right now and she can help too. She likes the hamsters just as much as we do…and anyway we should get her used to animals. Like how mom used to take us to the shelter…do you remember?" asked big sis. She asked him like he was capable of forgetting. He remembered petting the cats and feeding them…and how much fur they shed…and how soft they were…and how they had loved chasing the pieces of string around…and how much fun mom had…how much fun she'd had when she'd brought them…and how the last time had been on…on big sis's birthday and….and….and…
"Yeah, I remember. I'm not a goldfish." Said Sho. His aura looked just as mad as he was. Big sis leaned away from him. She wasn't totally clueless after all…but he was a total dick hole…but…but she was the one who had gone and talked about mom…but they could talk about her now. Dad was gone and he was the one who had told them never to mention mom again because she had left them and that made her a traitor and traitors were dead to them…but mom didn't have to be dead to them anymore. She could be alive to them and…and she was alive. He knew that he would have…felt it…or whatever if she had been dead…she was alive but…but she was gone and…and he had no idea if he even wanted to talk about her and….and….
"I never said that you were. I just asked because you were really little the last time we went and-" said big sis
"I'm a year younger than you…not even. I'm six months younger than you. I remember all the same things that you remember." Said Sho
"Ok…ok. I know. I mean…I just…do you remember how much fun it was? Do you remember how the cats-" said big sis
"How about instead of talking about cats we knew when we were little you can name your own cat and take care of it and stuff?" asked Sho
"She does have a name, it's cat." Said big sis. She was still looking at him like…like she was…not scared but…weary. Like how dad looked at people. Big sis didn't have a lot of expression if you didn't know her…and right now Sho wished that he was one of those people who didn't know her. He knew that he needed to say sorry…but he didn't know how. He didn't know how to tell her that he got pissed off when she talked about mom…but also he wanted to talk about mom more than anything in the world. He didn't know how to tell her that he needed to get this right for his hamsters because if he didn't then they would never love him…and he didn't know how to tell her that sometimes it felt like nobody in the world would ever love him…even though he knew that there were plenty of people who loved him. This whole things was just…it was complicated and…and stupid and…
And he wanted to be left alone so he could work…but of course that was not an option.
"Cat over there…hamsters over there….I'm here!" said Mukai as she walked into the room. She stopped in front of the hamster cage and took a phone out of the front of her overalls. She pressed the phone up to the cage way too hard and…and Sho was trying really hard to be nice…and not get mad…
"Mukai, stop it. You're scaring them." Said Sho. They were small and…and they got scared really easily. She didn't know that…but she should have. She was small and she got scared really easily too. She got scared when there were storms and she got scared when big sis used the vacuum cleaner and she got scared when the washer went to the spin cycle…she knew what it was like to be little and scared….
But she was still being big and scary.
"Mukai, no, that's not your phone." Said big sis. She crawled over and took the phone from Mukai…who just reached down into the front of her overalls and pulled out another phone. She was like a magician or something…or maybe just a cat burglar. That was Serizawa's phone, he could tell by the Bomberman phone case, and the one on the floor was Shibata's, he could tell by the life proof case and the stylus. He wondered why she had so many phones in the first place…
But that was not the problem here.
"She's still scaring them." Said Sho
"Mukai…where do you keep on getting these?" asked big sis as she took the other phone away from Mukai. Why was that what she was worried the most about? Phones weren't alive. They weren't tiny, living things that got scared just from being alive. They were plastic and metal and computer chips and it was easy to replace them. He didn't care who's phone she had. Even if she had his phone he wouldn't have cared. Even if she took Shimazaki's phone again then he wouldn't have cared…ok, that was a lie….he would have cared….he would have cared a lot….
Shut up goldfish! There are hamster now! No room for you anymore!
"Pockets." Said Mukai. She reached down the front of her overalls and pulled out half of a poptart…how did she even fit all of that stuff in her overalls? And didn't it bother her? He didn't get her…but that was ok. He didn't have to get her, he just had to get her to stop scaring the hamsters.
"Do you mean yours or other peoples?" asked big sis
"Pockets!" said Mukai…well she kind of shouted it. She shouted it so loud that his hamster shouted right back. What they must have thought…they were so small…and not that smart either. They didn't know why they were being yelled at…and it sucked being yelled at by someone bigger than you…and you didn't even know why.
It really sucked.
He had been really little the first time dad had yelled at him…and he couldn't even remember why. All he could remember was sitting in the corner of his room while dad yelled at him…he couldn't even remember what dad had said…but he did remember how scary dad had been. That dad had been so big and so loud…and Sho had been so little…and he had been crying…he had been crying and…and he had even wet himself….and mom had come in and hugged him and gotten him changed and…and she had told him that he needed to stay away from dad when he was feeling stressed. She had told him that dad had a lot of stuff to do and…and that he had been stressed from his long flight….
It wasn't the hamsters job to stay away from baby sis…it was baby sis's job not to be all big and scary…and stuff.
"Here. Take her and….and make her give all the phones back…or something." Said Sho as he got up and picked baby sis up. Her legs swung out…he maybe picked her up too fast. Big sis got up really fast and took her. Mukai kicked the whole time.
"Down. Put me down!" said Mukai. Sho was so proud of her, she had finally used the word 'me'. There was probably some grammar thing for being about to make sentences with the word 'me' but he didn't know it, he didn't like working from his grammar book. He was proud of her…and he would have said so…if she hadn't been scaring his hamsters. She must have known…well she was only two and she didn't know things yet…and it was his job to teach her things. That was the whole point of being a big brother he had to teach his little sister things just like his big sis had taught him things…but he as too pissed off to teach her anything…especially how to be quiet…
So, really, this was a job for big sis.
"Come on, Mukai, let's give these phones back. Come on." Said big sis as she held Mukai close and picked the phones up off the floor with her powers. Mukai kicked her legs as she was carried away. Something hit the ground, something heavy. Big sis didn't notice, she just kept walking, but Sho noticed. He noticed and his hamsters noticed…and now he had to say sorry and try and make things right with them.
He sucked as a pet owner. He really did.
And as a big brother. He should have been calmer. He should have taken the time to explain to baby sis that she needed to be gentle with the hamsters. Mom had taken the time to explain that to him when he'd been little. She had told him time and time again that he had to be a sweet, gentle boy…and he tried. He couldn't remember a time when he hadn't tried. He should have explained that better to big sis instead of getting pissed off at her…and he should have told her about how stealing phones was wrong even though it was kind of the person who left it out's fault…and stuff…he didn't know. He picked up the phone that fell out of her overalls. He had no idea who's phone this was. He would give it back later. Right now he had important things to do.
He might not have been able to explain things to his baby sister but he could at least do right by his hamsters.
"Sorry about that guys, that was just my little sister. She's only two and she doesn't know how things work and stuff…so…yeah. She's kind of excited because she doesn't really have a lot of experience with animals and also I let her have two cans of coke and a glass of strawberry milk today and sugar makes her crazy so…sorry. She didn't mean to yell at you or make your house shake when she shoved that phone at you. She just wanted to take your picture….and it is a good idea. Maybe I should….I have no idea who's phone this is." Said Sho. This was a new phone in a new case. It wasn't cracked or dirty or…or anything. Also this was a girl's case. It had that black cat and that yellow haired girl from that anime that big sis watched sometimes.
Had big sis gotten a new phone?
That would have made sense. Her old one had been through a lot. She had even gotten a crack in the corner of the screen. She had probably gotten a new phone because of that…or how slow hers had been…or the suck volume button…or maybe it was just his with the stuck volume button. He didn't know. He did know that he had to get this back to her…but first…well maybe he could do something nice for her. Something just to say that he was sorry. Like…oh! She would have liked it if he took a picture of the hamsters and made it her wallpaper…and baby sis would have liked that too….so then both of his sisters would have been happy with him again.
There. That was a good plan.
He clicked the phone on and tried to put in the code. She usually used a pattern…but now she had a password code. Probably because baby sis knew how to put in phone patterns. Codes were harder, she didn't know her numbers yet. Sho tried big sis's birthday….nothing. He tried his own birthday…nothing. He tried dad's birthday….nothing. It might not even have been a birthday…but those were the easiest days to remember. He stuck his tongue out and tried Minegishi's birthday…nothing….he tried everyone else's birthdays.
Nothing.
It was nothing until he got to Shimazaki's birthday….and it had been his fault, that time, when his hamsters started screaming. He had made a bunch of habitrails collapse with his powers. He had…he had lost control…but he'd had a good reason. Big sis knew how he felt about Shimazaki but she still hung out with him and still went out with him at night past Sho's bedtime…she chose to leave after he went to be because she didn't want him there…because she wanted him all to himself…because she liked him….because she wanted to be his girlfriend and see him naked and…
And this was not her phone.
His first clue had been the apps. She hadn't had Disney Plus or Youtube or Netflix or any of her games. This was just a calendar and a calculator and an e-reader thing. So boring. The second clue was the background. He knew her. She always had him and her as her background, or something with Frozen, but this was just some plant with purple flowers…so boring. This was not big sis's phone. This was…he checked the contacts….Ryou with a heart next to it…
This was Minegishi's phone.
Fucking Minegishi fucking Toshiki's fucking phone! Fuck! There was so much he could have done with this! He…he needed to pace himself. He needed to calm down. He could…he could really mess their life up…and they deserved it! They deserved it for every kiss they had ever given Shimazaki, every time they had ever held his hand, every time they had ever made him say 'I love you' to them…every time they had ever done all of that naked stuff adults did together…they deserved…all the stuff that Sho could do…all the ways he could mess up their phone…
And mess up their books.
Sho messed up the order of all of their books. They hated it when people touched their books even though they mostly just kept them in piles on the floor. He went into their amazon and looked at a bunch of random stuff, too. Stuff that they hated. Girl's clothes and makeup and shoes and stuff. The kinds of things that they hated. Now their whole algorithm was messed up. He went to their YouTube and logged them out…and then he changed their password too. He changed any password that he could find…they really needed to log out of their email when they weren't using it. Really they had done this to themselves….and they deserved it anyway. He was going to mess with everything that he could find. He could…well he ran out of things to do…
Hey! They got a text!
'Thanks for the stickers' and then a happy face…from someone named Matsuo. Oh, right, their other boyfriend. They were in an open relationship with Shimazaki….which in Sho's opinion was just them looking for an excuse to cheat. He went into their texts with Matsuo. He sent them a picture of a…medicine bottle…covered in stickers. He didn't get it…but whatever. He hoped that they married this guy and left Ryou alone…hey….that could…be a thing that happened. Big sis had been in his phone and told Emmy that he loved her and stuff…and he could do the same…especially if he was just trying to help.
Yeah, that was what he was trying to…he was just trying to help….
'That's really cool. Anyway I love you and want you to be my only boyfriend. I think that you're really nice and cool. You make my heart go doki doki.' There. That was…well they wouldn't have been that nice…but he didn't know how to do a good Minegishi impression. He was just going to be all like girls were when they were in love…not that Minegishi was a girl…the whole thing was complicated and he didn't feel like thinking too hard about it.
He had work to do.
There were the three dots. They appeared and disappeared and then reappeared. They did that for way too long. Maybe he needed to say it again but more like how they would say it. With insults and curse words and stuff. He scrolled up. Maybe that way he would sound more like them…they gave really short answers….so he had already fucked up. Maybe he had been found out. Maybe, at any moment, Minegishi was going to kick his door in and kick his ass…well they could try to. If they started a fight with him then Sho was going to end it. He was going to end the hell out of it.
Nobody tried to fight him.
'This is a lot all of a sudden. I know how big a step this is for you and I love you too but I think that this is something that we should talk about in person. You know how I feel about you and I know how you get when you're high. You told me before that you've been hitting the Xanax really hard lately and I think that we should just talk about this face to face. When are you free?' Sho…may have fucked up. Ok…so he wanted to actually talk to them…and that could be a real problem. He wished that Matsuo had been a girl. They were so easy to deal with. Just tell them that they were pretty, that you loved them, and then that you were going to get them a present and they were yours. Guys…he had never asked a guy out before or confessed to one…and he had only been kissed twice and once was in a game and…and he was maybe out of his element…
He needed to fix this.
'Don't be stupid. I love you. That should be enough. Now leave me alone I have to nap.' There. That was definitely something that Minegishi would have said. Sho knew what he was doing. Now everything would be alright and…another text. God, what was wrong with this guy!? When someone said that they loved you then you had to say that you loved them back. This guy was either weirdly bad with this whole love thing or Sho was just weirdly good. He would have believed either.
'Be careful Toshiki. I'm worried about you. How many did you take today?' For the love of God…why couldn't this guy just say 'I love you too' and then offer to get them a present. Minegishi had been born a girl and girls were easy. This guy just sucked…not that Sho was going to tell him that. He was trying to get Minegishi together, permanently together, with this guy not drive them apart.
'I'm taking a nap now. Goodnight.' That was totally something that Minegishi would have said. He wondered if they would have put an emoji in there too….no. They weren't fun like that. This whole thing wasn't fun anymore. He went to click away…and then the three dots were back.
'Is it Shimazaki again? Uppers or downers this time?' Oh hell no. He did not get to talk about Shimazaki even if it was to ask about him. Shimazaki was…well not Sho's but…Shimazaki was Shimazaki and Sho…he just…he clicked out of their messenger app. He just…he couldn't deal with that right now. He just…he needed to mess with them some more…but not with their messenger just…he looked down…oh.
He could delete a bunch of their pictures.
He loved his pictures. Every time he got a new phone he got them out of the cloud. He had pictures from back when he and big sis had lived in Disney World…and the castle…and even some that had been in the family cloud when mom had been around. Some pictures of him and big sis when they had been babies…a lot of stuff like that. He…well maybe he was crossing the line…but they were the ones who had taken Shimazaki from him…well he had never had him but…but they had tricked him into being in love with them and…and…
And he was going to delete every single one of their pictures that looked like it mattered to them.
He turned away from his hamsters. He couldn't let them see him like this. He was…was being kind of a dick hole….and no wonder baby sis could be a dick hole sometimes. He wasn't setting any kind of an example…or maybe it was just in his blood…or something. He didn't know which but he knew that he was being a dick hole….but Minegishi sucked. They were always mean and they never had anything nice to say and…and they were….they were the biggest dick hole that he had ever met and he was going to delete every one of their pictures…or send them to the cloud at least…
Once he found them.
They had their pictures organized into folders. Some of them had dates….June 2015…June 2016….some of them had names….Garden Summer 2014….Cactuses 2014….and some of them said things like 'She who must not be named' and 'Mob stay out'…he clicked on the one that said 'stay out'. Maybe it was embarrassing pictures. Maybe it was a whole bunch of embarrassing pictures like from that Christmas party or-
-or Shimazaki.
"Whoa…" said Sho as he opened the folder. That was all pictures of Shimazaki…with no shirt on. Sho scrolled and he didn't see a single one of Shimazaki wearing a shirt…and in some of them he didn't have pants on. Just boxers…and sleep shorts…and…and there was a video too. Sho clicked on it. If Minegishi didn't want people looking at their stuff then they shouldn't have made a folder called 'keep out' on their phone. They should have called it 'look here' so then he wouldn't have wanted to…as badly…but they had messed up so now Sho could watch all the movies and look at all the pictures.
But with his back to his hamsters, of course, so that they didn't have to see him like this.
He hit play…it buffered for a little bit…and then it started. It was Shimazaki on a bed…not Minegishi's bed. This was his bed, Sho could tell by the silk comforter. He liked stuff that felt good against his skin. This was an old video, he still had the tattoo of the other naked lady on his arm and the list of dates on his arm was shorter…and Sho's birthday wasn't on it. He checked the date in the corner…oh. This had been years before he and Shimazaki had even met…
He didn't know how he felt about that.
"What are you doing, Toshi?" asked Shimazaki. Sho felt his insides turn to goldfish food…he hadn't heard Shimazaki's voice since that morning. He hated the goldfish in his stomach…how much it swam. He didn't have room for a fish now that he had hamsters….but the fish was making room for its self. It was pushing his guts to the side. His guts were pushed to the side and now the stupid goldfish was going nuts…maybe it would have been better if Shimazaki had been wearing a shirt…no. The last thing that he needed to have been wearing was a shirt.
"Recording you…and I've told you not to call me Toshi." Said Minegishi. The camera shook and for a second he caught a glimpse of their foot. They had purple polish on their nails…and he hated the color purple in that moment. They were so close to Shimazaki and….and he knew that this had been taken when he had been a little kid….but still!
"Fine, Minegishi then. So why, exactly, are you recording me?" asked Shimazaki. He scratched his stomach when he said that…and Sho had seen him do that before…but this was like a totally new….thing….he didn't know what it was but he knew that it was just…he needed to copy this to his laptop and his phone and his ipad and anything else that could store pictures just for the stomach scratching alone.
"Because you have a habit of vanishing into thin air and I want to make sure that I have proof that you even existed." Said Minegishi
"Aww…are you saying that you missed me?" asked Shimazaki
"No, I'm saying that you drive me crazy." Said Minegishi
"Oh, well I missed you." Said Shimazaki
"Did you really, Shimazaki?" asked Minegishi
"Yeah. You want to know how much I missed you?" asked Shimazaki
"Fine, I'll bite. How much did you miss me?" asked Minegishi
"This much." Said Shimazaki before he reached for the waistband of his sleep shorts and…and then….and then Sho's heart stopped. His heart stopped and his lungs stopped and his brain stopped. Everything stopped, even time its self. He knew that time had stopped. He knew that time was never going to start again. He couldn't even hear. He knew that his hamsters were making noise, and his sister was running around, and now people were talking…but he couldn't hear them. He could hear them, he could hear everything, but it was more like his brain was telling him that noise was happening and not…not him being there in the noise and…and he just…
He couldn't think of anything aside from Shimazaki's dick.
It was just…THERE! It was there and…and it was…Sho should not have been looking…but he was looking….and he could see it and…and he had paused it right when Shimazaki had pulled it out of his sleep pants and…and Sho…this was…he just….he couldn't stop looking but he couldn't keep looking because the more he looked the more he would think about it and…and he wanted…he wanted to have never seen that and also…also he wanted time to have really stopped so he could have been looking at it for the rest of eternity…
But mostly he just wanted to be alone.
"Mukai! Don't throw that!" said big sis. She was shouting at Mukai in the other room…and he heard that. He heard that as clearly as if she had been right next to him. He jumped up so high that he hit the ceiling. His heart hurt and his head hurt and his lungs hurt and…and a lot of things hurt…and…and now he was stuck to the ceiling. He pushed off with his hands but didn't fall…he didn't know if he could fall. There was just…so much…so much happening in his heart and in his head and…and inside of him and…and the goldfish in his stomach was swimming around and around and around like a helicopter….like the way the blades spun and…and now he was flying and…and he just…
He wanted to be alone.
He clutched Minegishi's phone in his hand. It had stopped playing…he didn't know how he felt about that. He had never seen another guy's…never even thought about…well that wasn't true. He thought about other guy's…being naked…but not for a long time. Only for a little bit because when he thought about this stuff for too long he got all…weird…like now. He could hear his hamsters and…and they were looking at him and…and he just….
He needed to hide.
Sho pushed himself away from the ceiling long enough to fly into his bed. The top bunk was the best bunk. Even if someone came into the room they wouldn't be able to see him up here…and his hamsters couldn't see him either. He just…he needed to be alone. He pulled the blankets over his head and clutched the phone in his hand. He wanted to hide it. He wanted to bury it. He wanted to save it in one of those locked boxes. He wanted to bury it in a treasure chest. He wanted to run it over with a street cleaner. He wanted to set it on fire. He wanted to put it in the microwave. He wanted to hit himself in the head until he forgot what he had just seen. He wanted to draw it…all of it…he wanted…he wanted a lot of things…but right now he just had to hide. Nobody could see him like this…nobody could know this about him…
The way he…felt….and was.
This was more than love. This was more than the goldfish in his stomach feeling that he normally got. He felt like he had an entire school of fish swimming around in his stomach. There were so many of them…and they were all swimming down. Shimazaki…he had always been the first thing that Sho thought of in the morning and the last thing that Sho thought of at night…but that had always just been things like the way he smelled…or how cool he was…or how his hair looked…or how nice he was…or the funny stuff he did…or even the way his chest looked and….and sometimes that 'v' shape that was just under his stomach…but now…now he had something new to think about…and he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop seeing it and thinking about it and…
And he didn't have to think about it.
He had Minegishi's phone and…and he could just watch it again…and again…and again. He could watch that…and something else. There were other pictures and other movies and…and he could watch them all. He could watch them all over and over again and…and he needed to copy all of this to his phone and computer and stuff…and he just…he had a lot to do today. He had to stop thinking about this…and he had to be a good pet owner and finish setting up the habitrails….and he would, he would do all of that…but in a minute…once he calmed down and…and figured out how he was going to get out of bed…and how he was going to get this out of his head…he had to. He didn't want to get this out of his head…and he didn't want to get out of bed…but he had to find a way…for the hamsters….they needed him and…and he had to set up their home and then…and then he could try and figure out what this feeling was. The love and…and anger…because Minegishi had been the one to record that…and the tightness in his chest and the feeling in his stomach and the weird thing his dick was doing….he had to figure out those feelings and…and he had to copy the stuff to his computer…and then he had to set up the habitrails for his new hamsters.
So that as what he did.